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The Republicans are upset because according to them, OBama has taken away fiscal support, which I would imagine is government subsidies to Catholic Charities, over the Gay Issue. Even if it is true,and OBama had a damn thing to do with it, shouldn’t the Churches in America be clothing and feeding the poor, any way, without government support?

Don’t they take in millions to billions for the poor,around the World, in their Church collections and tithing? Isn’t giving alms to the poor a part of their Church History going back to the start of their Religion? According to them,OBama,is interfering with the Catholic Churches right to practice Religion, by withdrawing money to Catholic Charities because of their stand on the gay issue and in doing so is interfering with the Catholic Churches’ right to practice Religion. Wouldn’t that be called an attempt to balance the budget if the Republicans did the same?.

Let’s back up here folks and understand that it was Catholic Charities that denied health insurance to all their workers because there might be a person working for the organization that would be gay. What in the name of Heaven, does offering Insurance or denying it to anyone, who are employed by Catholic Charities, have to do with the right to practice Religion? The other argument that could be made, since there are millions of gay people who pay taxes, why do they take their taxes,donations, and their free time, that they donate, to the Church to work for Catholic Charities, if accepting gays,is against their practice of Religion?

When the cost went up on insurance coverage,instead of being honest enough to say Catholic Charities could no longer afford insurance cost for their employees, they hid behind the gay issue. The Catholic Church announced, “They would no longer be giving insurance coverage to anyone for fear there might be a gay person or people in the organization.” Isn’t that what they discovered was in their Priesthood that they simply transferred instead of eliminated and sadly gave a bad name to the rest of the gay population? Let’s at least be honest about it. This is just more of the puffing up and hypocrisy that goes on in the Conservative movement that loses all of us who are not indoctrinated in the movement and have the ability to reason and use common sense.

To say that Catholic Charities could no longer afford it would be something that we would all understand, because the majority of us can’t either, but to instead hide behind the gay issue in the name of God is an insult to the intelligence of us all.

The latest census shows that there are 308,745,538 Americans and estimates are 1 in 5 while others say as high as 25% of Americans are gay. I ask you to do the math yourself and ask yourself, how much donated time, taxes and donations do you think all the Churches who preach against gay Americans, would lose out on, if they refused the Gay Americans’ contributions, and do you think they do, because to do so would be against their Religious beliefs?

I am always amazed by how the Conservative Republicans complain that the media asks them questions on social issues instead of the economy and job growth but from everything that I have seen it is they, who always swing the subject back to social issues because they are all desperate for the Conservative vote, especially with South Carolina coming up next.

The other thing, I am aware of, is while they try to trash OBama’s record, what exactly kind of record has the Republicans had the last 12 years other than piling debt onto debt? 12 years in politics is a life time and is long enough to make them all a member of the 1% or the 40% population.

Have they done anything constructive other than say “No” to everything that would bring legitimate jobs to the middle class or healthcare to the American people? They can’t talk on their own accomplishments since they have none and their idea of job growth only hurts the middle class so they attack.(see “The Right To Work Laws” written in another post by me”)

There is a great deal of trash talk about OBama, “being the food stamp or welfare king”, as well. I hope you know and understand that is just a very cold Republican response towards the middle class people in America, who are going hungry along with the poor.

When Roosevelt initiated programs to keep workers from starving, the Republicans yelled then as well. They claimed we would never be able to afford Social Security, labor costs blah,blah,blah. I am always amazed that these same people who claim family values, want the American middle class who they lay off, to go hungry while blaming it all on the increase of the African-American population on welfare. I know their bull s**t,that we are all too stupid to see through the bigotry, wears on you, my readers, as well.

It isn’t that I have anything against companies making money and capitalism, it is just that they should never do it at the jeopardy to the middle class. When the middle class has disposable income, it has been proven,time and time again, that we have a healthy economy. These bums are out instead to deplete every nickel that the middle class has and to destroy the United States Treasury,while blaming OBama for his lack of ability to unite them.

At the same time the Conservatives rant about the cost of Labor and the cost of the Teachers Unions, these hypocrites wages have constantly gone up while they voted themselves raises at the same time the middle class wages continues to fall or fails to grow. Their wages, without the lobbyists’ gifts, now average in the $850,000.00 range and for the last 12 years they have been paid that by “We the People,” in exchange for the mess they helped create, along with saying “NO” to every effort made by OBama to turn it around. They have voted not once but twice for gifts from lobbyists and then larger gifts from lobbyist, being acceptable, and it has won by a large margin in the Republican Party.

When their cronies and they load up their jets and call it a fact-finding trip,wink wink, do they think about how much it is costing the tax payers then? What about the costs that they charge the tax payers to entertain or be entertained in return? Are they then concerned that the best teachers will be laid off or simply disappear while they load up the fat on the next trillion dollars that they add to the deficit?

When the Republican Party can only agree on one thing, themselves, and their Minority leader Mitch McConnell says he has no intentions to agree with or co-operate with Barack OBama on anything, that he asks for,and his only intention is to see Barack OBama defeated and a one term President, 6 months after he takes office and the entire Party agrees with him on that, as well as, not raising taxes on the 1% to replenish the treasury,is it OBama who can’t bring people together or lead or the Republicans who are breaking their promise to uphold the oath of their office, “So help them God?”

All I ask those who will vote this election year, is to listen to these hypocrites pontificate, because all that is running are right-wing or Tea Party candidates on the Republican ticket, until it suits Mitt Romney better, to claim he is a moderate. When politicians have nothing of positive results in their own record to say, they then find fault or lie about their own dedication while parading around their families and discussing family values.

Mitt will claim to be a man who created jobs when the truth is he laid off people while closing down companies in order to make money for the already wealthy. The reason this campaign year will feel like the Barnum and Bailey Circus has arrived, is because it is the circus that it feels like. Don’t be fooled by them as there is nothing wrong with the instincts of Americans, and I urge you to vote accordingly. You will not regret it.
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Rather than stray from the thought above I will simply continue this here as it completes the above thought.

My father did not pay into Social Security, until his later years, because everyone was so convinced in the 1950’s that Social Security would not be around for their retirement either. Those were the same brand of conservatives, and also the longest running no taxes Republicans, unless the current ones are allowed to continue. They were no different from the conservatives we have today, who refused to pay taxes then as well.

If we lift the Bush tax cuts across the board, once our economy recovers, and it is coming back, we can pay down the deficit to reasonable ranges again. It has been proven time and again, that with tax hikes, or in this case, just lifting the Bush tax cuts, and a growing middle class with disposal income any economy can rebound as the Gross National Product rises, when the middle class has discretionary spending. It is all about making sure the middle class is well and healthy.

Taking restrictions off of the wealthy who are not hiring, while squeezing the middle class, as is currently the mentality of the Republicans, hurts our economy. It is what helped create the mess we are in. Corporations who stock pile money into the trillions, as is currently happening, are not interested in hiring people back because the middle class cannot afford to buy and therefore they do not need to hire.

They will instead use the trillion of dollars as investment and as take overs of other companies. Every single Republican is lying to the middle class, about how OBama is restricting the Corporations ability to hire. It is their mentality that is destroying the middle class right along with our economy.

The only way, “We the People,” achieve our goals is by getting rid of all of the “never pay taxes”, conservatives and tea party members so we can rebuild the middle class and allow the middle class to grow again. With a healthy middle class we also have a healthy tax base to encourage fairness in the system with the 1% who make up 40% of our populatin, paying their fair share as well.

It is and has always been the Bush tax cuts that are draining the Treasury, to such an extent that unless we get out of this 1950’s mentality, of where our tax rates currently are, we will continue running the same huge deficits that we currently have. Trickle down economics has never worked when the Corporations do not hire, nor when they do. The money simply goes back into the pockets of the wealthy to be regenerated on Wall Street. I repeat: no one can pay off trillions of dollars while the middle class continues to struggle, with out bankrupting our treasury and there by bankrupting, America.

Finally then, Mitt Romney, gets my nod for the biggest hypocrite of all. With all of his attacks on OBama for what the Republicans so hatefully call OBama care, Mitt Romney in his attack on it and the mandates, is talking about the exact same healthcare that he initiated in Massachusetts. The economist was the exact same for his health care as was for OBama care. We cannot afford someone who is a liberal then a moderate and then a conservative when it suits his bid for election and we know his greatest claim to fame is handing out pink slips to the middle class.

Mitt Romney is claiming that OBama care will cost us 95 billion and again it is another one of his lies, as it has built-in mechanisms to make money, as well as factors that will help Americans in their costs, and will actually save the American voters. The real truth is it will cost us 210 billion if we allow the Republicans to repeal it. It’s time to stop the lies and take back our Country from them, on election day.

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I ask my readers to bear with me as I write about views that you may not agree with, but my attempt is to give a factual history of what is so often exaggerations or lies on the view often perceived about feminism and the history of women in the work force. I certainly am not preaching to the choir nor forcing anyone’s views on anyone but presenting a historical view while disputing what Rick Santorum is saying on the campaign trail. I am not making a judgement but simply presenting a different view from what some may not be aware of. It has never been more important to explain to women today regardless of our ages, so those of us who do want to learn what is driving the Republican Party today can. I will begin in the beginning:

It is matter of Dogma in the Christian Churches of America, who deal in Dogma,and unchangeable because it goes back to Biblical days in the Catholic Church as well as the earlier established religions, that when a child is born, God breathes a soul into them. A woman’s body was considered too unclean for a soul to co-exist in. Men were actually afraid of a woman’s period and feared that it gave women an unspoken power.

Many held that the fetuses that are aborted do not have a soul or a mind and simply return as human matter, since they are dead before they are born. No one can live without a brain and it does not fully form enough to reckonize pain or to sustain life, until later into the last trimester, and explains one of the many reasons, why premature babies need to be kept alive on IV’s and or machines.

The fact that not all States have set a time limit on abortion, all these years later and some abortions are born alive, is a tragedy in our Nation. 90% of all abortions happen in the first trimesters with the other 10% happening in the second and third so these are rare abortions in numbers, fortunately. The great majority of abortions happen in the poor and minorities. I could not agree more that all live births, under these circumstances, should be handled as adoptions in America.

It was viewed for generations going back to the first of Christianity during the time of Charlemaine that, Christ established separation of Church and State when He said,”Give unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s and unto God that which is God’s. All people born alive and have a soul are returned to God regardless of how they die. By Christ going to His own crucifixion and asking for the worse murderer in the prison to be released and crucified next to Him,they believed that He showed all Christians that regardless of our sins, all we needed to believe was in Christ, and we would all go to Heaven. St. Paul wrote the same in his gospel.

Separation of Church and State became law, I believe in the 1940’s, and in exchange for the Churches staying out of State ran business, the voters gave the Churches continued freedom from taxation. The voters have the power to take that away if it ever is brought back up for vote, which is highly unlikely.

Radical feminism, unlike what Santorum says, did not give women a desire to work out of the home. In the 1940’s when the men were drafted during World War two, there was no one left to work the factories so women worked them. Women discovered they enjoyed working out of the home. Since there was no middle class, until both men and women began working, it was never a problem for babysitters as often as many as 3 generations would share the same home, and grandmothers cared for the children.

Private ownership of homes did not happen in the working class until the men returned home from the war and the GI bill both provided affordable homes and educated the returning men. Both men being educated as well as women finding they liked working out of the homes, as well as, using their minds, is what grew Americans from poverty into a middle class in America. Women were educated further, as well, and became secretaries, nurses, teachers or hair Dressers.

It was very rare and mostly single women of the wealthy, with liberal fathers, might become Doctors, lawyers or run banks. It is important that we all know and understand that there were only two classes before this; the poor and the wealthy. The poor, were all but owned by the wealthy in America at the turn of the 20th Century, and had no say over their future. They were totally at the mercy of the wealthy when it came to both the amount of wages they received and hours worked.It would take Unions to change the specter of the landscape so that laborers did not have to work until sun up to sun down with unfair wages, and they could move away from the Company Stores and move out of poverty. Minimum wage did not enter the picture until the 1960’s when the middle class was well established.

For Centuries going all the way back to the Bible, abortions were going on and as long as it was just the poor and prostitutes, and the wealthy could go to Doctors to get it done safely, neither the Doctors or the Churches ever preached against abortions, openly, or even mentioned that they were going on.Women would simply die from women’s problems or if married they would have miscarriages, if they lived.

Since the poor all lived together and often shared the same bedrooms with their parents, incest was frequent. The sisters and daughters often died with both infection and coat hangers used in abortions or from sexually transmitted diseases.The prostitutes suffered the same fate and were often impregnated by the single or married men of the wealthy stature. The poor had no money to pay for a prostitute.

The Church looked on a married man as using a prostitute as not committing adultery. There were dark ally practitioners who were butchers before Roe vs. Wade made it legal in 1969. The passage of the Equal Rights Amendment in 1971, took control of the husband over his wife away, as women were given equal rights with equal say.

The women’s right’s movement in the 1960’s, worked tirelessly to improve the lot of women so that they were no longer the property of their husbands’ and had a say in their lives. This is the radical feminists that Santorum talks about. The Women’s Rights Movement was as supportive of women who wished to be home makers as they were of women who wanted to work out of the home. They fought for equal pay for the same job men held, and it was not until OBama signed it into law, all these years later, that it actually has gone into effect.

The biggest lie that those who are against women’s rights all like to tell is that the Equal Rights Amendment is not necessary as it is given in the Constitution. Before it was passed the Churches argued that man was given domain over his wife and property in the Bible and it was interference from the State when anyone objected to women being treated poorly. Women were totally dependent on their husbands’ permission and it was no one’s business but her husband’s before the Equal Rights Admendment was added.

Any time we hear anyone say it is not necessary, because it is already in the Constitution, we know we are talking to a liar or someone who is delusional. It was not until women could use birth control and stop the sperm from reaching the egg, that they could tell the men if they wanted a child or not. Prior to this there were condoms but mostly women considered of ill repute or the wealthy used them. A man determined the size of his family.

The Plan B birth control, or the morning after pill, is no different from any other birth control in that it prevents the sperm from reaching the egg, the same all birth control does. It is called the morning after pill because it is best when taken then as it takes 72 hours for the sperm to reach the egg. It is totally ineffective if a woman waits too long and is pregnant. The baby will be born if an abortion by a Dr. is not performed. This pill is the one the Churches want outlawed and refer to it as an abortion pill. Abortions were much higher before birth control and when they were illegal, than they are today.

Abortion only became a open problem with the Churches when birth control to all women instead of just the wealthy, showed up in the 1950’s. The Church condoned the rhythm method that made many families larger, as rarely did it work.Available birth control that women could control gave women the freedom that men had and the Catholic Church in the 1950’s fought it just as hard then as they do abortions today.They and the Mormon Church along with the fundamentalists, were all together in their fight to prevent equal rights, but none put more money in and fought it harder than the Mormon Church, beginning in 1920.

When Roe vs. Wade took effect it became the fight between pro-life and pro-choice. Women were led to believe that the fetus has a brain and can feel pain but the brain is not developed fully enough to do so until the end of the 3rd cycle nor does it have a soul unless it is born alive. The Dogma is still in place that a soul can only be breathed into a live child at birth. I repeat, this dogma cannot be changed according to the beliefs of the early churches.

Santorum has already announced that if elected he will lead all of America by his Catholic Religion. The Catholic Church has selected all presidents, in I believe the last 50 years, but the Two Bushes who were elected by the Evangelicals. This time they are all in it together but the Tea Party Evangelicals crashed and burned when both Perry and Bachman left the race.

The “God father” of the Tea Party,Ron Paul, says he has no vision for the White House so it is possible that if he, who is also against abortion,endorses Tea Party candidate, Rick Santorum, and the tea party darlings, Bachman and Perry, supporters do as well, that Santorum may be able to beat out one of the Mormons running, but it is highly unlikely since his ideas are too radical for mainstream Republicans.

Santorum and Gingrich are Catholic and Huntsman and Romney are Mormons. One of the two Mormons will more likely win and if anyone believes that neither will not lead the Nation by his Mormon religion, I can only say,”Are you nuts?!

As soon as I say that, knowing Mitt Romney is currently being reported as the favorite by the media, one cannot discount the “friends of the Catholic Church”either.(I put that in quotes on purpose, as there are many wealthy members who are)The fact that Santorum would blow up the Middle East should give us all pause as to why the man is even running with Church support in the first place. If we don’t then we should question our own motives.

Our common sense should tell us that none of them are candidate material for the volatile situation that the Middle East and Korea are in, currently, and all would support the status quo or obstruct it,in the Republican Party, so we all need to question if it is simply Church sponsored, as in right-wing conservatives or John Birch Society mentality Tea Party candidates who can be appointed to the Republican Party today?

It has never been more important to vote than it is in 2012 even though the Republicans will do their best to turn away the senior citizens, minorities and Students if they do not have picture ID in 31 States. It is highly Unconstitutional to do so but their judges have made it law. It is a deliberate attempt to keep those who would vote for OBama away from the voting polls, since this is the group of people who would be less likely to have reason to carry picture ID as many take public transportation, as well as, the people who voted for OBama in 2008.

The Senior Citizens should know, if they don’t already, that the Republicans will make Social Security private the first chance they get so they should turn out in large numbers to vote for the Democrats There are many injustices that will follow when it comes to the gains that women have made. Our Social Security system actually works as is, and that is the reason that Seniors are not suffering the way other Americans are.

Not all Americans are Christians and not all of them share the same Dogma when they are Christians. That is exactly why the law was passed to protect those that aren’t in the same Churches or Faiths in order to not show favoritism to one Faith over another. It is the law that the State stays out of Religion and Religion stays out of State matters. Again the law is Separation of Church and State with the Churches not being able to influence elections or pick the person who will hold any political office. They consistently break the law and that is why some people are suggesting that they then pay taxes and why they are yelling “Persecution!’

Anyway the conservatives judges are stacked and piled high with the Republican Party in control of the House and they hope Senate in 2012. This is their year to make sure that the Equal Rights Amendment gets overturned and that abortion is removed from the Federal government and sent to the States. It is their time to strike and win and to defeat both a woman’s right for abortion and birth control, regardless of the reason, and to do away with the Equal Rights Amendment.When Romney talks about bringing back the Soul to America that is exactly what he is talking about.

When they do, then women will be pregnant and families without healthcare will also be unable to maintain the middle class status with one house hold member working, and the middle class will shrink even farther and families will return to poverty. Their belief is that if men are given back the control then women will want to stay home and nurture the child, as it is only radical feminism that has made them want to work out of the home.

Newt Gingrich (sometimes he talks too much) has already explained how they would train the African-Americans to serve the wealthy. If you missed it, he would make both janitors and babysitters out of them so they would be trained to both clean and baby sit the homes and children of the wealthy, so they can earn a pay check instead of an education.

It also explains the move against education, as well.Education, according to the Evangelicals and Fundamentalists, puts false ideas into the heads of people who learn both history and Science. You cannot attend College in a 4 year program without taking courses in both. They want all ideas of evolution replaced with Creationism in the text books, that our kids learn from, and have been successful in doing so in Kansas and the South. They do not accept global warming or Science and as a result neither will be part of the Republican platform this election year. Is it any wonder we have fallen to 26 in the World when it comes to education standards with the rest of the World?

The only thing standing in their way is Barack OBama and the Democrats, and for that reason they are desperate to get rid of them. It is also the reason we keep hearing that the Democrats are just as much at fault and standing in the way of the Republicans to be able to give jobs to the workers. It is also the reason they are all saying that Barack OBama and the Democrats are making all Americans dependent on the government. Both are pure and unadulterated Bull s**t! Instead they refuse to sign his jobs bill that would hire people for construction and inter-structure jobs.

Abortion and the fact that OBama took on cleaning up corruption in the Insurance companies,as well as tried to gain healthcare for all since the people told him it was their number one concern in 2008, are the reasons so many lies began within 6 months of OBama taking office. It has been a long 3 years of lies since.

The pro-life movement will never get this chance again so they have to make sure OBama does not win. The longer he is in office the more conservative judges will be replaced by the Democrats’ choices and then they will not have the judges to make the call to make abortion illegal.By taking it back to the States they can eliminate the Federal Decision of Roe vs. Wade made in the Supreme Court because then it will be a States right matter to decide, and they have their judges waiting.

Now you know the rest of the story. Re-elect Barack OBama in 2012, as all of our futures, in many more ways than most of us know, depends on it! (See the post entitled, “Right To Work Laws” for the ways the Republican Party are intent on paying less for jobs for the middle class)

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I would like all of you to refer back to the comments made by both myself, as well as the People representing the Tea Party, on my post entitled “Rick Santorum’s Voting Record.” Much has been added since you last read it.

It will tell you more about the truth of what is happening in America with the Republican Party, and especially the Tea Party, than any other media or inter-net source will. Other than perhaps those others who have exposed their mentality and ideology as well. I simply do not want to repeat it since I am still trying to recover from 11 herniated discs at the moment.

If it doesn’t frighten you about the Republican Party,today, and the candidates who are running,or those who run your States, who were elected as a result of the Tea Party or Conservative support,then I have misjudged the American people who do embrace Democracy and Freedom for all. Remember this comes directly to you from the Tea Party spokes people themselves, and I have not influenced it in any way beyond standing up for Democracy and my right to defend it. Happy New Year and Thank you!

Warning: If you do go to the post; Rick Santorum’s Voting Record use the calendar on the side panel for De. 31. 2011, or type in the title on search at the side of this post. If you use a search engine make sure the site is wordpress as there is another sight that has been down loaded with porn as well as viruses by the same name as Rick Santorum’s Voting Record. Apparently they are trying to block out the truth. Thanks)

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Just as there is a fine line between love and hate there is also the same between success or failure. Both success and failure, are highly subjective, and can only be reached by our own realistic goals. If we set the bar too high or too low,as adults, we can be either successful or a failure.

A great deal of the lies, that are told in families, arise from what the family will determine to be success or failure.No one person does want to openly admit to themselves, that they have failed.Parents often do cover for the adult child,who they think is weak, but who may very well be successful by their own standards. When parents make demands on the adult child to the point the child gives in then many times they actually defeat what would have been a successful child. Parents too many times will use different measures to declare what success is to them, and then have expectations for their own adult children to follow their demands.

For instance if an adult child chooses a religion different from their own,parents many times, see this child as a failure. If a child feels that mistakes were made in their own childhood and wants to improve on it, by spending less hours on the job but more hours with their family, the parents will see their child as lazy. If this same child is content in living a different lifestyle from their parents or siblings and does not ask for or expect help, they can be the biggest success story of their entire family.

Families who think that all members should acquire the same level of lifestyle and when one child does not reach that level of income, many times they will make up the differences, are wrong in thinking this way. In doing so too many times, the child who was content living within their own boundaries of income, will be judged ungrateful, by a family who enforced their own ideology of success, on them.

Other times when children come from what Society determines highly successful families, they may feel the insecurity that will always mark comparisons, to their own accomplishments or lack of the same, to the same-sex parent. Low self-esteem is often the by-product of children who have successful parents and they feel that they will never be able to measure up to what their parents accomplished.

It is not unusual when, a family who has been able to gain their own interpretation of success through less than honorable means, will see a child who is much more morally successful than they are,a loser or failure.

Other times parents and siblings feel an entitlement to live the lifestyle that their most financially successful children or siblings live without having worked for or saved for it,because they were of the attitude, that God will provide.

Other members will feel they are a much larger success story because they have given most of what they had away to one or more of their children or siblings, who are unable to pay them back. Both fail to realize their own responsibility to care for themselves so that the innocent would not pay the price for their own failures to provide for themselves.

They will deny their own neglect of their future needs by feeling as though the child,children or sibling, who did not ask anything of them but was excluded or mistreated by them, is obligated to make it up to them, when their own lack of respect is to blame. The whole family can deteriorate due to their own sense of superiority or entitlement.The family will often accuse the successful members, who asked nothing of the other members but were mistreated by them, and helped when they could anyway, of being failures or at the very least,hateful.

Rarely will it occur fully to them or be appreciated by them; that the reason the family has failed was because of their own willful acts to take God and family for granted, or their failure to understand not all family members will be able to live the same lifestyle.

When we understand that the real success of life is the person,who can find joy and contentment,in our own Faith because we have learned to question both the status-quo as well as our own doubts that may exist, in our own Faith,and either came back stronger as a result of it or searched until we found our own worship of God, that we do Believe in, then we will understand our own success.

When we ourselves can totally base the path we need to take on following through with our own dreams,and not another’s’ demands,we understand our own maturity. If we are married, then part of maturity is understanding the dual decision that needs to be made by both our spouses as well as ourselves.

No Adults are ever the property of our parents or our siblings,nor anyone else for that matter, and as a result we cannot always wait for their Blessings nor can we use their lack of giving us their Blessings, as an excuse for our failure in life.

All of us are duty bound to find our own peace and joy and the vast majority of us do find it through forgiveness and moving on. If we have never tried to forgive, we will fail ourselves, first. Forgiving does not mean we need to hang out together or forget why we are separated from the person who we feel failed us.

Nothing is so grand, “as dreams that come true”, through our own efforts combined with,”a little hope and a prayer.” Success is meant to be appreciated, for us to be grateful for having accomplished it, and to enjoy it.When we feel success,we will often times, know it has arrived.

When we are already fortunate enough to have a complete extended family that understands this, then we truly know both our parents and we are successful! Never forget or take each other for granted or fail to say, “Thank You!” Families as well as family genetics can many times be the reason for both success and failure and the only way we solve the social ills that plague far too many is by starting at home and moving out from there in our search to improve mankind,therefore ourselves.

To have a healthy Society we need to have healthy families who as adults, are both ready and eager, to take care of their own as well as their dependent’s knowledge, of their present and future responsibility and behavior,first.Good luck to all of us!

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We have all known them. They are the ones who say,”No matter how hard I tried, I could never catch a break.”,”I just wasn’t lucky like other people were”,”My husband never had the temperament that would have ever allowed us to succeed”,”I could never have done that,” “Or it seems like whatever I did there was always someone out to get me.’

A great deal of the cloud that seems to follow some,at least in their minds, does have to do with their own attitudes. Many do have an opportunity to prove themselves but when they reach the point it is going to mean real effort on their part they quit or fail to put forth the effort it takes to achieve. There are people who are genuinely afraid of success because if they fail at it, they will not be able to blame anyone but themselves nor will they be able to convince others or themselves what a hollowing success they could have been if they were just given the chance to prove themselves. Other times we have such a low self-esteem that we will defeat ourselves before we even get started.

Our attitudes play a great role in the signals we give off to future or current employers.Our appearance and how we dress, use to play a bigger role on the job than it does now, but most places still hire on that alone,if we have the youth and education to go along with it. Previous experience will always win out over none. If we argue each time that we cannot put in the extra hours it will not be long before we are slated for heading out of the door. If we always have aches and pains or allergies that interpret to the idea that we are not able to handle the job, we won’t be asked to do it, and we will once more be slated for dismissal.If we are the local loud mouth who knows everything but our performance lags then we also many times will get the pink slips.

There are many times, people who take jobs because they are getting pressure from home and have no intent of holding the job any longer than it takes to leave and draw unemployment,We need to show initiative to get ahead on our own and many times when we don’t we defeat our own ability to make gains in the Company, Others have the attitude that they are better than the 9 to 5 job. They think they are slated for greater things and the 9 to 5 jobs are for losers and slouches but not for them.

Most of us fail to realize that the largest part of our wealth, we will ever gain towards retirement comes from the income that we earn during our productive years. If we never save and spend every penny of it we will never have what others have. We may have a nicer wardrobe or more shoes that go out of style one season to the next but we will not be able to accumulate enough income that will grow towards retirement.If we do not pay bills when they are due then the amount of the fees and interests we pay along with the over-draft fees many times will come to much more than what we spent on the original item in the first place. We all have way more money to spend once we realize how much is going out and make being debt free our first priority. Much of our earned income is often times the only money that we will ever have.

Many investments will and do fail. Too many people will stick whatever they have all in one basket and if the person who runs the Company,Savings and loan, or fund is corrupt or has hired an inept person or people, we will and do lose every penny we did set aside for later. Often the failure will frighten us off to the point that we never invest again. When we do allow failure to frighten ourselves off we can be certain that we will lose even more, in the long run. Every financially successful person has failed a number of times before they did get it right.

Unless we work for family or are able to establish a successful small business of our own, rare is the person who will not be laid off at least once,lose one home and need to move. Even when we do work for ourselves more will fail than succeed. To think we won’t stumble or be forced to start over at some point in our life is somewhat naive. More people will work and retire at 65 when they work for a small business than a large firm. It is almost unheard of today in any large Company or Corporation.

We need to understand the credentials and history of all the top echelon,who are calling all the shots on our investment. We need to beware of diversity and spreading what we are able to save, through various avenues other than putting our earned income all into one basket. As bad as it is to lose part of our investment, it is always better than to lose all of it.

Just because a business has a store front or a past reputation of making money or delivering good advice, does not mean that all people within the network are always capable. Many times Dad and Grandpa will have run a profitable business and the children will run it into the ground, along with board members who are more valued out of friendship than business savvy.

Check on your investments. Don’t just put them in and assume they are safe. Sometimes we will know more or understand the economy better than those hired to protect our investments. If it is too good to be true then it is too good to be true no matter how good of a friend your friend says this guy is. We never pay anyone anything to win or to inherit anything and anyone who tells us that we have won or been left an inheritance that we just have to pay the taxes on are nothing but scam and con artists and in some cases can be quite dangerous if we refuse to pay after we have already made the mistake to pay once.

The reason our grandparents told all of us to set aside a little something for a rainy day is because it was wise advice. When the day comes when we need to replace the roof or buy new appliances we do not want to take out another loan on the house, whatever we or the savings or loan or the banks call the loan, a home improvement loan or a loan by any other name that clears equity in our homes is, nothing more than taking out a second mortgage. It may be that we borrow against another holding or replace one appliance at a time as the need arises. Other times we can save our bonuses and tax returns so that we can do individual rooms at a time, and pay cash as we go.

Refinancing,unless it is for a lower interests rate,is never more than a second mortgage. Second and third mortgages do not only raise our interests rates across the board they make us all more vulnerable as our house will be foreclosed on where the homes with equity in them have other options at the time our lives take drastic changes. When we still have equity in our homes, we will have the option to sell sometimes at a comfortable profit and reinvest in something smaller or to reorganize or refinance, because we will have leverage in equity or cash.

I repeat, people never want to take the equity they gain out of their homes as to do so means we are getting second and third mortgages and making ourselves much more vulnerable when the job decides we have reached 50 and it is time to work us out of the Company because the department we were hired to work in is being phased out or we are being laid off at any age. Too many people fail to realize that no matter how loyal we are to a large Company or Corporation, the company is only interested in profit and that is their bottom line. Their intent is to please the stock holders first. There are no more of the work until your 65 and we will give you the gold watch ceremonies, left in Large Companies or Corporations.

More and more people are finding that their terms of employment are ending between 45 and 50. There are supposed to be laws against that but all Companies have their own team of lawyers who dot every I and cross every t before they lay us off and can find grounds by simply saying the Company is going a new direction. There will be tons of class action lawyers trying to get you to pay a little something or to sign on the dotted line and they will go after the bastards but believe me, it is for the lawyers benefits more times than not. More Companies are also hiring two-part time employees over one full-time in order to get out of paying for benefits.We need to be aware of our own ability to put aside and to invest and never trust someone else who is promising us a sweet deal. Too many sweet deals end up in their pocket and they are the only ones who will get the sweet deal. The rest of us will be broke. Never believe the person who tells us that they just need to borrow for a short time until their own cash comes,unless we can verify the information ourselves. If it means paying a penalty to cash in our own personal investments, then don’t do it.

The question was then,”Do we Choose Our Own Financial Misery?” The answer is many times “yes”, especially when we ourselves are the worse offenders of all when it comes to spending more than we earn. Other times it’s a little greyer of an area. Some of us are just too trusting, other times people are immigrants and not aware of our laws, cons prey on the elderly who no longer have the ability to reason and do not have family members to guide them. Other times people are bankrupted by health and crime.Corrupt Evangelists or corrupt Cults can convince many deeply religious or confused people to sign over everything they have or own.

No one is better skilled than the manipulator or con artists who sometimes are our own children,parents or extended family members. Yes we do all need to understand that people will stand in line once they find out that we are generous or aging, to get every dime we have and we are responsible to know the difference, but many times we are people who fail to know that con people are everywhere. It is important that we do appoint a trustworthy person to handle our accounts or to set up trusts and handle our estates while we do have the ability to know who is dependable and not.

If the estate is small, then the safest way many times, is putting it into small varied accounts and C.D.s,bonds, or interests bearing savings accounts in your local bank. You won’t get rich this way but at least your money will be safe as the bank will ask you why you are taking out the money and they can advise you if that would be wise or not. Never,never, never trust the person who tells you not to tell your bank why you need the money. That has crime written all over it.

I guess then the truth to the question is yes,if we are talking about a family who had the physical and mental potential to earn a middle-class existence or better,unless we are victims of health problems that bankrupt us and of crime that we could not foresee. We all have a responsibility to make and find our own financial stability. We are not only responsible for earning the income but also responsible for how we use or spend the income we earn.

We need to educate ourselves as well as listen to the opinions of the experts, to know if it is more feasible to borrow money and on what terms as well as where and when we should invest. It is true that many times those who are willing to take the greater risk, as long as it is done with some knowledge or common sense, are more likely going to make the greater gains. We can be too cautious if we do not educate ourselves on taking a few risk and doing our own research on it.There are still more honest people in the business than dishonest.Many times we can and do well to use a combination of both ourselves as well as bonded brokers,realtors,bankers,and financiers,which the great majority are.Some will be “dice throwers” while others are conservative investors and if you have done your homework you will know the difference. Sometimes the investments can justify borrowing money as the investment will bring us a greater return than what we will pay out on interest.

Too many people have wrongly gone with the idea; “we need to spend money in order to make money”, without understanding fully what the risk are that it entails.Some not many people, who have more knowledge and income than we do, can make that idea work, but it does not come without a high risk ratio, especially if we go into it blindly. If getting rich this way was such a sure thing or a common occurrence then there would be more than 1.3% of the population,with most of those having inherited from oil, in the wealthy class. As long as we look for blame and make excuses we can always find both but neither will protect our income.

Many of us do not knowingly cause our own hardships but regardless of if it is our homes,checking accounts, or extra income we do need to get the information that is necessary to protect ourselves against those who would manipulate or con us out of it. Although our hearts do go out to those who really did think they were doing the right thing and met the wrong person or people whose only interests lie in making certain that the trusting and good of heart do end up broke. We cannot spend everything in our productive years and think we will be retired to do the things that we wish to do when we retire. The Ryan Plan backed by the Republican majority is another such move to spell disaster to those who are unprepared for retirement. We must tell our Congressmen,to “Leave Social Security and Medicare, alone!”

We should make the laws tougher against the corrupt and con artists but sadly a great majority of them are never prosecuted because it cost too much to do so. We all need to remember that regardless of our age, our own identity can be stolen in a matter of seconds, and that is no treat to try to correct,either. All credit cards,checking accounts and Social Security numbers are subject to theft with or without our own carelessness, sadly.

If we remember nothing else,”Ignorance is no excuse in the face of the law,” and “the only person we can trust to be as concern as we are about our own money is ourselves,” If we fail, before we turn our money over to another, to check to see if an insurance company, savings and loan Company, a broker or an individual is licensed, Federally insured or are bonded, as well as,check out the safety and financial records that are a matter of public record, on other institutions, we do need to understand that sometimes our money is not safe.

We need to both educate ourselves ,as well as, understand that everyone even those that others call a good Christian person is not always an honest or moral person. We are no less responsible than if we turn over our money to a family member who is a drug or alcohol addict and we know they will spend it on drugs or alcohol. Just because they attend our Church does not mean they have our best interests at heart. Too often we blame the banks when it is our own lack of knowledge as well as those closest to us that we should evaluate closer.

We can’t live our lives in paranoia so we need to do the next best thing and that is use our own common sense and learn to protect that which is ours. If we do not check out their credentials or make certain our money is guaranteed safe or protected, then we do need to take responsibility when it is lost. The stock market is no better of a bet, sometimes, than a slot machine in many cases. When we decide to take the risk to earn more we are doing just that,”We are taking a risk,”The good news is Americans are paying off personal debt at a higher rate than ever. Have a good day folks and understand a smile goes much further than gossip towards making us all feel better.
(Please note: I repeated myself in several places so that it does stick in our minds)

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After spending a great deal of time on describing what guilt does towards destroying relationships,it would be remiss of me to say that too often it holds poor relationships together,as well. Those relationships can consist of couples, friends,family,groups,organizations or political party.

When my husband and I married, I told him that if he ever hit me or had an affair that our marriage would be over. What I really meant, but was not aware of it,since I can forgive almost anything, was if I ever reached the point that I could never trust him again, the relationship would be over.

Many times couples will say, “they no longer love each other,” and use that as the grounds of their divorce. I argue that if once we truly love each other we cannot simply quit loving each other. Instead I reason that most couples or one of them in the marriage, have hurt or betrayed each or the other to the point there is no trust left in the relationship. This is true when long-term friendships end, as well as, when family members leave and never return. Without trust we lose the entire foundation that holds up any relationship.

Love and respect go hand in hand with trust. Why else would we promise to dedicate ourselves for life, to a common cause, and forsake all others if we did not have a great deal of trust in each other and our ability to maintain as well as keep the oath of marriage?

Some people can reach the conclusion that a person or group is untrustworthy after the first time they betray them, and walk away in peace. If you can, more power to you. I can also do that until I am dealing with one of the most important people in my life. I think that is true with most of us. Many times we just keep taking on the poor behavior until we do realize we have spent way too many years hurt by the same person.I make a great deal of allowance for people who would lie to me when they are family, before I draw that conclusion. Too many of us will think that they will start treating us nicer the more we try to do for them. Even when I knew two family members thought they were playing me for a fool with their conspiracy to get out of me, all they could,and they thought I didn’t know a thing, I gave them years of knowing they believed they were out smarting me, until I reached the point, “that the straw broke the camel’s back.”

There are people who can’t fathom that people are willing to do nice things for others without being paid for it or having strings attached. When we do, “random acts of kindness.” those same people come up with words like “big Turkey’,”loser”,”Sucker”,””Wimp”, and you name it. It is sad that we have such little respect for people who are simply kinder than ourselves. I have often thought the resentment for them makes others who always have a price for everything, simply feel uncomfortable about themselves. The sad thing, is when people do behave in this way, those who receive the kindness many times then do feel as though they are entitled to the same behavior again and again. There are also those who treat family like they are the bank and as long as they are willing to pay them back(sometimes no matter how long it takes) they are entitled to borrow any amount at any time.

As is common with all abusers my antagonists enjoyed their own deceitfulness for almost 40 years (I exclude the other years of my life before they formed their collusion)about how they went behind my back and outsmarted me, before I decided that enough was enough. I need to make certain before I do make that final and last decision that I will never contribute another dime,lend another hand, show up to visit and be insulted one more time, or write another word or letter or make another phone call again, before I can comfortably leave a relationship where I still love the people involved.

Walking away from those who have formed a tight co-dependency or any organization that we have been passionate about for years, is not an easy decision to make but when every ounce of hope or trust is used up, it is time to move on and never look back.

Not all people seek peace of mind and joy but when it became necessary for me to do so in order to look into those trusting eyes of my sweet trusting grandchildren who tell me,”I love and need you Grandma” How could I possibly explain to those sweet boys that Grandma allowed two people to think they were playing me for a fool, while I kept giving of my time,money and love, for so many years, and not feel shame? I knew my efforts to accept, the abusers’ hurt needed to leave in order for my health to give me all the time the Dear Lord would grant me with the grandsons along with my other loved ones,whom I truly admire and respect. Once I made the decision I could almost hear the Angels sing:)

Most people do not get in a lifetime, the number of truly terrific people who I have been fortunate enough to have in my life. I’m sure that played a role in being as tolerate, as I was, with the one-sided relationship,as well. I have always believed, “To those who are given much, much is expected.”

I never spent much time in thinking living with chronic pain due to spinal stenosis on both sides of my spine,before I reached 30 was a hardship. I also did not waste time making decisions based on childhood abuse as a reason to walk away. When the verbal abuse began again in my adult years I did take breaks from it by walking away but never quit loving my mother nor being concern about her. Life has always had too much interests, to me, to let much of anything or anyone get me down for too long.

I got set up even on my wedding day by the twosome and then there was the time I walked into the hospital room in California to be told I was the biggest loser of all only to have it repeated a number of times over the years, later, a trip to Kansas City where I was deliberately shunned by the two of them, pretenses and lies surrounding Mom’s moving in making demands followed by abusive behavior encouraged by my sister, and being excluded from the family reunions that I organized for my brother and again when my daughter got married, and the list continues from there only getting longer the longer I stayed and put up with it. Still I stayed and contributed but the knowledge that I need to give back to those who do love and appreciate me, for being me, and do not have ulterior motives as to how to best use me, has made my decision an easy one, at long last.

I do not write this to encourage or discourage anyone else from knowing when and if the time is ever right to leave a relationship of any kind much less one that you feel is void of hope, but instead to put it out there and let you understand why a person can know and find joy on a daily basis, by making some of the toughest decisions that they will ever have to make. Being honest with ourselves and finding and evaluating our own mistakes are always a more difficult endeavor than doing it in others. I know and understand that for those who have never had to deal with abuse, it does sound ridiculous, to think walking away from it would ever be difficult. That is the point of my writing this entire group on guilt and taking responsibility. I want you to know if nobody else understands you, I do.

43 years after marrying my husband I realize that if he had hit me or had an affair I probably could have forgiven him, but I still would not have stayed, even though when I was young I never dreamt I would ever let anyone ever abuse me again,much less the same person who did when I was a child without letting her know exactly how badly she hurt me.

That would come approximately 30 years later and accelerate their vindictiveness. Since it was so out of character for me and I had a lot of ground to cover, I have no doubt that she must have felt a small amount of the pain I felt all those years. I did not expect acknowledgement of my hurt as no abusers ever will acknowledge they did anything wrong. It is the peace of mind I received in being able to finally face the truth that had went unspoken and denied for years, that matters most to me.

I made some of the family members irate when I did it,but I spoked for them as much as I did for myself. We were all meant to keep what we all had spoken about behind her back, for years,secret, as near as I can tell. In dysfunctional homes,it is rare if ever, that truth or mistakes are confronted or spoken about. It is always better to avoid “the elephant in the room” than it is to acknowledge its presence.

It took maturity on my part and knowing life is seldom as it seems until we live it, before I knew it was the total depletion of trust that would have destroyed our marriage vows. Since that is what it took to end my relationship with my mother, no doubt it would have with my husband as well. I am very fortunate that I got the good guy that I did choose and never had to be tested that way but some things we know in our hearts.

I’m a slow learner folks,when it comes to matters of the heart, but I do encourage all of you to make certain you know yourself well enough to know what it is that will allow you to walk away from or recognize when a hurtful relationship leaves no room for hope, and still feel joy on a daily basis, before you make that decision. Too often we are the losers when we make decisions based on hurt feelings or rash judgements.

No one certainly needs to put in 40 years as I did but I do not regret turning the other cheek either as it did convince me “That, that does not kill us, makes us stronger.” I do regret though that it did take my teen-age daughters to tell me,”Mom if you don’t stop her from mistreating you, we will lose all respect for you.” I would like to think had I had been wiser, I would have stopped it before the verbal abuse started up again. Other times I think sometimes it takes knowing 100% before we find the peace that comes along with giving our best. I take full responsibility at the same time that it was wrong-wrong-wrong for me to let it go on for that long and never would I repeat that mistake again, for the sake of those who truly do love me. Sadly abuse is always a contradiction and for that reason none of us should ever judge the confusion of the victims. All abusers are convincing manipulators and con artists.

I will jump a moment to political party as versus personal problems, since a great deal of todays upset also center around politics. I’m a much faster learner when I see what the right-wing conservatives and the Tea Party are doing towards drying up the United States Treasury in the interests of Wall Street and the Oil Companies. I know leaving party affiliation is as difficult to some as leaving our own family is. There is no possible reason, in my view, that anyone could trust any of them in the Republican Party, nor any of the right-wing who number a few in the Democratic Party. They simply are missing any foundation of trust that would allow equality for all or the middle class to exist in Democracy or to grow and I urge all to think before we vote. We must vote wisely and informed, for the sake of our Children and Grandchildren, “who love and need us.”

We all have our own response zone as to when to stay and when to leave. Those of you who think I was a fool for staying as long as I did, have every right to think as you do. I can promise you that some of my greatest supporters would agree with you:) Guilt held me and an inability to forgive myself because of my belief in the Commandments kept me going back for more.I finally realized the best way to “Honor” their last round of rejection was to honor and love her in silence, as two of my other siblings do. My soul needed to heal from the insanity of it all. I will always be grateful for the effort I made but even more grateful for the new-found freedom that I own.

I hope I covered the entire subject of guilt,responsibility and forgiving ourselves well enough over the last few weeks so it can help you if you are at a cross-road of indecision regardless who the person may be who you are struggling with or what group that relationship might be with.Denial of the stress it creates not only strips all of us of the joy we are entitled to but also can lead to an early grave. Good luck!
(even I am a bit over whelmed by the clich√©’s in this post but they are often quoted for a reason:)

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Everyone who has ever had emotional pain or hurt,have been bullied, abused or mistreated and are quick to get angry or to hate, needs to read the post on http//jennygoat.livejournal.com. entitled “Forgiveness Is Not Forgetting”. A short ad will run sometimes in order to make the connection so we can get on it, but it is neither spam or a virus, and if it is a problem to you, just hit the back button and then the forward button, back to it.

It explains the effects on us that we all have suffered at one time in our life, and explains to all of us in lay man terms, as to why we do have hate and anger and often times deny it. I don’t commonly recommend other blogs but this is an exception that I am willing to make.

It also explains the history and explanations on abortion that many of us rarely or ever hear. I hope you find it helpful.

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It matters not whether we wish our fellow mankind Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas as a friendly greeting ,of any kind, is almost always warmly accepted when we are in the spirit of giving or receiving. To make or take issue with such a small matter when 50 million children, are reported,to go to bed hungry shows how petty some people have become or more about what is missing in their spirit, in my opinion.

As 2010 comes to an end, I would like to reach out and thank all of you who have taken out a moment of your time to read my blog and to comment as well. Whether you agreed with me or not,it matters a lot the large majority of you, showed real class in what the majority of we Americans represent, and that is respect of our fellow mankind to express themselves, in a free Democracy.

I began my blog on New Years’ eve 2010, and have enjoyed writing my posts. I can’t imagine what I left unsaid, and I know in areas where I am more passionate, I did repeat myself a number of times, my sentence structure and spelling left a lot to be desired at times, and you all were kind enough not to point that out. I thank you,for that, as well, as it was appreciated by me.

What has always and still does matter a lot, to me, at this time, is if 50 million children are going to bed hungry in the United States of America each night and one child is dying every 5 minutes, as a result of starvation related diseases in America, is true or a guise to contribute to not such reputable agencies? These are the figures being reported on radio, in America. I would hope someone with influence and the ability to check such figures would look into this matter.

It makes absolutely no sense to me at all, when the government gives away so much food in its surplus programs of commodities such as peanut butter and cheese, Americans contribute millions if not trillions of dollars as well as food products, through their private donations to food pantries, taxes,Churches,businesses,private organizations from Feed the children to the Red Cross to the Salvation Army (to name a very few) Corporations, and Banks that this food and the money to buy the same ,along with a great deal of food that is available free, is not reaching the hungry in America.

We are no longer living in the dark ages where hungry children could not be reached due to transportation difficulties. Every place where mail and technology can reach in America, so should food to the hungry be shipped or made feasible. So I ask again, if 50 million children are going to bed hungry and 1 child is dying every 5 minutes, why? When the buildings,sometimes utilities,upkeep,volunteer labor etc. is all offered free through volunteer efforts, where does the millions to trillions of dollars and pounds of food, donated, go and why isn’t it reaching the hungry in America?

Some children will always slip through, due to human error ratio, but we are not a third world country and to accept 50 million hungry children as well as so many children dying each day, as a norm, in a developed country such as our own should, I would think, alarm us all. If we can see every nook and cranny in America through satellite shouldn’t we also be able to make certain no child ever goes hungry in America? It is not a lack of generosity on the part of the American people or government to give, as we are the most altruistic Nation in the world. We are also the largest producer of food produce in the world. I understand a great deal of our altruism is spread around the world but shouldn’t we feed our own,first? Perhaps someone as concern as myself, with much more influence than I, can check this out in 2011 and report back to the Nation?

Since this will be the last of my posts for 2010, I again, offer my thanks to you all for taking out a little of your time to either read,curse, or hopefully perhaps, without seeming too indulgent of my own ego, to find someone who just might have understood what you were feeling. I wish each and every one of us a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! When we are generous and kind in our thoughts,speech and actions to one another, it changes negative attitudes that predispose some towards entitlement and greed,stops gossip and lies,and brings refreshment to our souls. It matters a lot!

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As someone, who went through screaming, tears, and general upset once Santa was exposed as a fraud in our home, I cannot express enough how important it is to tell grownups to be grownups, at the very least, during the Holiday season. The tree was never again put up unless my sister and I could find an axe and chop down a lonely tree somewhere in the region, the fudge and divinity no longer made and any gift was absent beyond that of what my dad gave to my mother. Each Christmas Eve became one of turmoil, because my father did not buy my mother the gift she felt entitled to receive. He would always buy practical instead of luxury and it would open the flood gates of hell.The family pictures taken, show the disappointment in the eyes of the children and are a lasting reminder as to how Christmas should never be spent, all these years later.

I’m sure it has everything to do with my believing that Santa is real and every act of kindness, done by we adults, to others is not only because of our spiritual need to express our love and gratitude to Christ and God but also to express our human side to mankind. Christmas, is indeed, a very miraculous time of year and it is important that we adults, do understand, it is about the children. Just as the Magi presented gifts to the Christ child, so should we present gifts to the children, granted us through God.

At no other time of the year, is it even wise to spoil our children, except their birthdays and during the holidays. If that means we don’t buy ourselves a new wardrobe just now,or lay off the egg nog, we still put up a tree or buy a gift, even though we may not feel like it, we do it anyway. The memories we are making now are not about us, but about our children and grandchildren. It is not about what your husband or wife, boy or girl friend, adult children gets you. During these financially difficult times, it is o.k., to spend what little we have on the children or grandchildren. I assure you, they will not be spoiled for life. Somehow I think both God and Christ would approve.

We adults need to keep Christmas in perspective but not by denying our own children the joy of Christmas or the Holidays. We can better watch the number of times we eat out instead of cook and how we are the example of dollars being wasted. In families where there is no money at all,draw an outline of a tree on the wall with string or thread, and have the children decorate the same with their own creations made of paper or glitter. Children need to feel that they are loved enough or important enough to know their parents will make an effort to make them feel the same. For what you spend on alcohol, use the money to buy a game the family can play, together, instead. Children know when they are poor today, unlike another time before tech and name brands were noticed, so the time you spend with them ,often times, is the best gift of all.

For those who will and do attend the Churches across America during the Holiday Season, remember children do not find the same sense of peace that we do in Church services. It takes all of us years to develope faith. To deny a child, their moment of joy, either with making them the center of attention, or gifting them with a warm coat, or new shoes, a full stomach, or yes even a toy, does us well to remember that Christmas is also about the type of grownup or human being we also are. To pay honor strictly to the spirituality and our needs and then to deny our children joy, speaks mountains of the kind of person we are not. Do not let your pride come before the generosity, being offered out of love to you and your children, by those Santa Claus amongst us, who wish to share our bounty with you. It is not a sin to be poor but it is unfair to deny our children happiness, when people are willing to help make it possible, out of love.

At no other time of the year, is there more good will towards men, more generosity and sharing given and done, and more thanks expressed amongst mankind. We grownups have both an opportunity to make warm and lasting memories for all children as well as a responsibility to make certain that all children know and feel they are a part of this enchanting time of, “peace on earth and good will towards men.” God Bless us all, man, woman, and child!

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My heart goes out to all the people in the world who find Christmas and the Holidays a particularly difficult time of year. Most have broken up with someone special, lost a mate, parent or child and as bad as the coping is, the Holidays and everyone else’s cheer or lack of understanding, sometimes leaves us cold. Most just want to pull their heads into their covers and let the Season pass. It is important that you do take the time necessary to grieve and to go through the necessary steps of grieving, so please know, you all are in the thoughts of many of us this Season, who do care. Grieving, does not need guilt attached to it, so if you are not yet ready to enter the World to participate, please know many of us as well as your true friends, do understand.

For those of you who are,” sick and tired” of being “sick and tired” and ready to move on but are at a lost as to how to do it, I recommend the art of giving. Nothing will brighten your own outlook in life more than to reach out to a family, friend’s or neighbor’s child and to play Santa Claus in their life. This does not mean you have to dress up as Santa. It only means that you are the unknown who blesses a child with a gift they would never have received unless you had been generous. The Canadians have a nice Holiday called “Box Day” where they leave food or gifts on the step of a needy person and get away unrecognized. Whichever way would be fun for you,and if you do not wish to see anyone yet, this is a splendid way to make yourself feel better and to honor your loved one, while renewing a child’s innocent need to believe in the goodness of mankind.

If you do not feel comfortable being part of a Holiday celebration,bake cookies and leave them in the mailbox of a needy family, write a check in the memory of your loved one and put it is the bucket of the Salvation Army where the bell ringers are collecting donations. If you prefer to keep it private, then slip in cash anonymously. If you have extra money, go to a Department store and have toys, shoes or coats delivered. You can have a meal, a ham and the trimmings, or a pizza delivered after going to the restaurant and paying for it. If they do not deliver then perhaps a friend or taxi cab driver would be glad to deliver it for you. If someone you know has lost their job or been laid off, a few dollars in a envelope placed in their mailbox or shoved under their door, might go a long way with the utilities. Even if funds are limited, as long as we have our health,we all have a talent we can share, we can offer to carry a heavy load or offer a ride, we can shovel a sidewalk, or work in a soup kitchen.The only thing that limits us, in our giving, is our lack of imagination and desire.

Nothing heals a broken heart faster than knowing we put a smile on the face of a child who believes Santa Claus only comes to the rich boys or girls. You may not see the smile on the child or the warmth of the food in their stomach, but you can bet your loved one will. If it is loss through divorce then wouldn’t you’d rather a child was fed or “shouted out in glee” than your Ex fight over it? Wishing you all a recovery, in your own time and at your own pace! The time clock does not run on grief nor can anyone else tell you when it is over. Grief is as individual as we all are different. God Bless each and everyone of you!

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