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Posts Tagged ‘human behavior’

Hi everyone! I’m afraid I haven’t had much time, as of late, for my blog but plan to be back in full force before the fall elections. I have voted in my own State primaries, and sad to report, I had the shortest primary ballot that I can remember ever having.

I’m afraid there is little to no acceptance for choices on the Democrat ticket, this year, since my State like all other red states appear to be taken over by tea party funding. I’m sure the Democrat machine is more supportive in some of your Blue States, than it is in the Red States, that go overwhelmingly for Republicans,anyway. At least it is my fondest hope, they are!

I’m not ready to come back full time to my blog yet, as at this stage, we are looking at a home remodel,here,followed later by an extended trip out of the heat. I just wanted to remind you, my readers, that the only way we can lose is to believe we are powerless and not vote.

Statistically Democrats do not get out to vote in the off years and in 2010, because of it, 72 new tea party paid Republicans took office in Washington and our States and have been chipping away at the equality of women and minorities ever since! Vote!

Thanks for your continued support of my blog and for your remaining loyalty! Later then!

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We need not look any further than Mayor Ford of Toronto, Canada, to see a person on the latest video circulating with the Mayor ranting and raving to understand what rant and raving looks like in it’s extreme.

People who absorb much of the nastiness of others along with life’s stresses often will blow with the help of alcohol. I certainly am not suggesting that Canadians need excuse Mayor Ford’s behavior, as an elected official, but instead I think we can all agree we are witnessing the effects of alcohol on the brain and he needs treatment.

I admit when I was still drinking, while dealing with accepting the fact I was becoming more disabled from chronic pain everyday, going through empty nest syndrome, and dealing with 3 women who took it on themselves to make certain I knew their point of view on a family matter was not in synch with my own, I did a little ranting and raving myself.

If I hadn’t of unloaded at the time, I’m not sure that I would be alive today. Stresses in our lives often build and we do sometimes in life, need to emit, but never to the extreme that Mayor Ford did.

My major upset with my entire extended family at the time was their refusal to understand why I was not the person to be taking care of a verbally abusive elderly person, which most rational people would understand and act accordingly. People who are facing disability themselves, are not in a position to care for another person who is also looking at the same future but extremely abusive as well. Most rational people do know and understand this, but because they refused to accept my own circumstances as being real, denial became their weapon of choice.

My own circumstances have already been written about by me in previous posts, but it would have been an equally heavy load to bare for anyone, much less someone who was fighting for their own health to stabilize. I found the betrayal I was going through way too much to have to deal with along with the total lack of understanding from those who felt I was letting them down. Needless to say I had no choice but to eliminate those people whose only concern was for their own beliefs and points of view from my life. Many times we can deal better without our loved ones’ opinions when it comes to dealing with our own problems than we can dealing with those who only have ulterior motives.

For years I pretty much accepted people for their own short comings and to have my own body turn against me at the same time I was experiencing the loss of motherhood while my sisters and mother were turning the knife, was a heavy load to bare all at the same time. Its not that I hadn’t experienced their criticism over the years or game playing in the past, but when compounded by other serious problems of my own, it was the straw that would have broken the back of a healthy back much less one that was already as injured as my own.

I didn’t deny their right to their opinions and still don’t but since I was the one who they took for granted would think as they did or do, and found their views self-serving rather than understanding or even practical I really wasn’t left with any choice but to spend my life criticizing them as they had criticized me, or walking away. When no one is listening it is never possible to find solutions. Since it was me stuck with the problems, it was my responsibility to find the solutions so I took care of it.

As I include what became the turning point in my life today, I want to point out how we too often may think life’s upsets or tragedies are very unfair, only to find out with time, it is true many times what we think are the worse storms of our lives are followed by sunshine and clear skies. It was when I was pushed as far as I could be pushed I found the real joy in my life. For the first time in my entire life I could truly enjoy the success of my marriage, children, grandchildren and my own struggles. I had given so much of myself away, through no one’s fault but my own, that I had lost my passion for life.

Perhaps its the people who are drawn to me that I find are too listless or unevolved in life, because when I really get passionate about my writing, collecting of antiques, travel,
and painting I often hear one person still partially in my life refer to my rant and raving during a difficult time being the same as my joy and passion for life today.

I don’t pretend to understand why it is so difficult for some to ever get passionate about anything. I just know those who I do know that never do, never raise their voice an octave regardless of what kind of excitement is taking place in their lives. They also accuse all people who do get passionate and raise their voices in excitement as ranting and raving.

There is a parable in the Bible that says”…….An God will vomit forward the lukewarm…” I can relate to that, because there are too many people sometimes in the life of all of us who never get excited about anything and if we surround ourselves with too many who don’t,we do lose that passion we are all reaching for in life.

Nothing brings down anyone more than someone whose opinions, ideas, or actions are as changeable as the wind. Too often people who lack passion themselves become a real downer in our own lives if we allow them to as most caring people can and do become affected by the moods of those people who we surround ourselves with on a regular bases.

I find the same people who accuse passionate people of ranting or raving when they are simply exuberant about life almost resentful of those who do get a kick out of life.

My own experience is: I find people who misunderstand or are pretty well lukewarm about most things in life, are quick to criticize a smile, a different point of view, judge those who express themselves through the joy of living differently from what their lives may be. They tend to be too quick to blame instead of achieving on their own,and too many times hear nothing but their own inner voices.

I feel sorry for people who do not even want to in some cases, or can’t in others, get passionate about their own lives. I don’t expect them to get the excitement out of life that I get out of my own, but wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all could at the very least understand the difference between passion as verses rant and raving?

Find something this weekend that you can share with your friends and see if you surround yourselves with people who are passionate about life, lukewarm, or simply don’t give a damn. It takes a real friend to share our excitement with us! Have a good weekend all.

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We all hear about or know someone who has fallen for the lines of con or scam artists, and often wonder how can they be so gullible. It is only after they are scammed out of their life savings they recognize they have been scammed or conned or worse yet marry them only to find they are still married to several others.

Today’s post is as much about those of us who think it could not happen to us, as it is about those who get conned or scammed, since on some level we all have been conned or scammed by someone even though we may not have a clue that it was done deliberately, yet.

As a Nation of people, I like so many others often write about the problems that exist instead of those whose lives are very much functional and who are successful in finding their way through what almost always will feel like a maze during some time or period in our lives. There are many successful people who accomplish much in both their homes and their lives who are often humbled first by the experience of it, because we are both a generous and a forgiving people as a majority.

I write about people who are truly trusting or those who fail to understand that people who think,” their ship is always going to come in,” without any effort on their part or they just haven’t met the right person yet. This can include all of us at some point in our lives and people who prey on others to get what they want can always recognize us, usually when they open their mouths because we will listen when others ignore them or hang up the phone.

We often see both older people as well as younger ones who are taken in by the hardship stories told by what has become known sometimes as the bad boys’ or sexy girls’ appeal. Others have a feeling that they have been drawn out and will some day win a lottery, so when scam artists call and say if we send them the taxes on an estate that we just inherited, they will send us a small fortune.

This happens most frequently in elderly people, who are the number one victims of telephone scams. It isn’t until they are repeatedly asked or threatened by bodily harm that they realize they have been conned out of their entire life savings. Some still do not understand even that there never was an inheritance as they lived their lives so certain that they would eventually win either a lottery or be handed something for nothing since they knew someone else who had won and they just knew it was their turn to win.

People, but mainly women, quite often ask themselves, do I have a mark on my forehead that goes off like a beacon that draws these type of people out or is the problem me? The problem is that con artists are good at what they do as they have put in a life time of practice towards recognizing people who are at their most vulnerable state. They always pick on the most trusting amongst us, because we many times are the only ones who will listen to their tales of hardship.

The great majority of us will get burnt once by a con artist either calling as a charitable organization, what we think is a friend asking us for help after having been refused by their own family, or by our own family member. We all get those phone calls telling us we won a free trip only to have the extra expenses be more than what we won, or we dated a scam artist and after we learned from that mistake we recognized the next con artists’ attempts to get their hands into our wallets or to win our hearts.

Many statements or cliché’s told to us in life are true and no matter how many times they are repeated to all of us, some will dismiss it and think it does not apply to them because the voice they hear the loudest is always their own and that is almost always certain to be, “my ship has finally come in.” No matter how many people tell all of us, “You get what you pay for,” “you never get something for nothing in life,” or “If it is too good to be true, then it usually isn’t,” we all will at some time in our life ignore those truths. If we are lucky it will cost us very little and we will come out of it a bit wiser for having learned the experience. Others are not so fortunate and never get another chance to learn from their mistake.

Those who we often shake our heads over or spend sleepless nights over worrying about their safety, if they are a member of our own family, are sometimes so immune to the fact that they seek out bad boys so are bound to fail in their relationships, so rarely will they ever learn that if they hear someone say, “I am a hit man,” or “I have mob connections”, then these probably aren’t the kind of guys they should be dating.

Some women are many times addicted to the thrill they get when they are with these bad boys while they hang on to the fantasy that they will always be treated as their queen even while they are being knocked around.

We see just as many men who are so into wanting arm candy that they will marry the first stripper that says yes, and then bemoan their uncanny luck when it comes to picking out women. Some people who are trusting by nature will spend a life time trusting others before they evaluate the character of the people they choose to surround themselves with, and then blame anyone but themselves when the relationship or marriage fails or they lose everything they have, including their own self-respect.

It is hard to sympathize with them even though they are usually the best and sometimes the most competent amongst us when it comes to other areas of their lives. They often make good and loyal friends because they will listen when others fail to, and therefore it is both their trusting nature and their loving spirit that gets them involved in these bad or poor relationships.

We will sometimes find people who are not all that trusting and who seldom date because they do not get taken in by the unscrupulous or the lines, but the con man or woman are so charming and will ask questions as though they are interested in us, but are in fact only asking to find out what our vulnerabilities are so they can later tell us exactly what we want to hear or promise us they can make all our dreams come true. When we meet them through the internet we do not have the same ability to detect the warning signals going off as we often have when we meet them in person and can make a character judgment of their true nature, on our own.

It is especially easy to run into these people who are all over the internet, to the point it has become a national crises in many of the lives of our children who are picked off by predators for their own sexual desires. As parents we need to supervise their internet usage as they are the most vulnerable when it comes to the unscrupulous con and scam artists amongst us.

We must first recognize our own vulnerabilities, as an adult as well, before taking on another relationship and many times we do but a good friend will often say ,”I just met or work with this man/woman who would be perfect for you, you just have to meet him/her.” Our friends or family members are not always the best judge of character as they too can be taken in by charming con or scam artists, who use them in order to meet us.

We cannot be so paranoid as not to trust anyone we meet but we need to be able to trust our own ability to access or evaluate the people we meet and to understand if we are in a position to begin another relationship, before we automatically believe everything a stranger tells us or commit ourselves.

What happens in movies or romance novels is fiction or fantasy and not the kind of reality any of us can afford to base our futures on when we do feel ready to begin a relationship. What happens in fiction and movies is not real. It is not the typical behavior of adults and unless we look for typical behavior we can be scammed or conned. If we have just been through a relationship or are not the best judge of character, ourselves, then we can turn to someone who we do trust to do that for us if they have a better history of being able to do so, than we do.

Other times people too often turn to others to fill their own feelings of loneliness when in truth only we can fill our own void. The majority of us fill that void through charitable work or through interests, be it hobbies, social functions, or travel while others turn to making their own dreams come true through achievement of making a difference in the life of another or through self-improvement.

Anytime we meet someone and they tell us they are in the CIA and cannot share their job with us, they are studying to be Doctors or lawyers but are never at the hospitals to all hours and on weekends or in classes and studying late hours, they disappear for days or a day or two and give us reasons that make red flags go off in our own minds, or they tell us they served in the special forces and were trained to kill, we should question why we feel inclined to date them or to begin a relationship with them. These are almost always common lines told by all con or scam artists. People who truly do work for the CIA or were in the special forces only discuss this information with their colleagues if they discuss it at all. It is not a line used to get women interested in their great manly prowess.

Men or women who claim they are all alone and have no family to attend the wedding, to introduce us to, or take us home to on Holidays do exist if they were raised in orphanages or are estranged from their families but we should always be aware of these relationships because many times they have a great deal of family. We should be just as leery of those who claim their family is on Holiday and currently out of touch since people today are as easily reached on cruises, over-seas, or anywhere in the World as they are in our own local. If the family is absent it may be due to the fact they are already married or they have worn out their welcome by always having their hands out or through telling an exuberant amount of lies, to the point they cannot be trusted anymore by their own family members.

Families break up due to any number of reasons and sometimes family members will also walk out on other members who have relied on them too much and shown little to no gratitude or appreciation in return but instead acted as though they were entitled to the generosity shown them. The chances that we will meet these successful members is very remote along side of the con artists who are trying to impress us with their accomplishments or compliment us by telling us everything we want to hear.

Successful people have very little they need impress anyone else with and are humble enough to understand many times they were simply in the right place at the right time or fortunate enough to know the right people, in some cases, while other times they are highly impressed with their own importance and too arrogant to be complimenting us or anyone beyond bragging about their own accomplishment or success story. Some do tell us what we want to hear only if they are interested in a one night stand.

We need to always be aware of those who claim to have properties around the Country but hang out in bars or at our place instead of working. We should know the chances are great that we are being conned, if they do not have a job to go to like everyone else does. Even when they say they have trust funds or are retired, they are not going to be sitting idle or be found in the places where we hang out in. When we have to pick up their meal ticket because their funds are temporarily held up in Court, we should understand we are dating a con man.

Too many times they will first throw around their money or appear to buy us expensive jewelry, usually taken from the home of the last person they scammed, before they start professing to be temporarily out of funds. They may even have pictures of these properties that they claim to own but titles they never have unless they conned someone else out of signing over titles to their own property because the previous person was so desperate to keep them. These are not people who should ever be in our lives but instead they are criminals and no matter how much we want to believe they care about us, they only care about themselves.

Those who deliberately seek out people of low moral character are not conned as they know very well what they are going along with or getting themselves into but will either pay to keep them in their lives financially or by accepting abuse and mistreatment at their hands, since they share the same lack of concern for anyone other than themselves, as do these men or women, they get involved with.

We should never mistake either for people who are conned or influenced by others, no matter how much they try to convince us of their innocence. They deliberately are looking for each other, and will only leave when they find someone they feel can provide for them better or serve their own needs to a greater advantage to themselves. We should never mistake the innocent people who truly do get conned due to their own trusting natures and generous spirits with one who is looking to con but only gets out-conned themselves.

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Drug addicts  use to be a problem that effected inner-cities or poverty.  It still exists there as strongly as ever, and probably much worse with prostitutes as they are often introduced to drugs so they will continue prostituting in order to get the drugs. What most people are not aware of is that alcohol and drug addiction has become a three generational problem in both the middle and upper classes of America.  Just as children and house wives are prostituting to get money to keep up with their classmates, neighbors, or to get drugs so are the number of prostitutes increasing with the lack of Congress to pass job bills for people who want to work in our current economy.

Sending drug addicts to juvenile delinquency halls or jail without any or only token treatment or understanding of why they do drugs and have no fear of the lost of their lives, has become the tragedy carried over from the 20th century into this one.

Drug addiction affects every level of society and because we imprison drug addicts instead of rehabilitate them, unless they are Hollywood or music celebrities, and fail to put them through psychological testing much in the same manner we do first time offenders or people who are  alcoholics, the numbers increase and the addiction worsens.  They simply learn other ways to get drugs and feed their addiction from more experienced hard liner drug abusers when they are sent to prison or juvey..

Too many of us have had the attitude for too  long, “it isn’t my problem, my kid doesn’t do drugs”, and when I hear parents say that, I want to say,” Are you sure?” There is no answer sadly, to that kind of attitude because too many already have the attitude, “If they are stupid enough to do drugs and get caught they should go to jail.” What people do not realize too many times is the kind of back ground many of these kids have had to endure and if we do not reach out and help these kids it certainly will be our problem.  The break-ins in our homes, cars, and property when we leave for vacation are almost always drug or drug and alcohol party related.

When we send adults drug addicts to jail, because of their drug use, before they are sent to jail, many of these same alcohol or drug addicts are leaving behind children who are also addicts. We are now past the third generation of drug addicts in our Society in both the middle and upper classes of America. It is not their peers who addict these children many times, but instead their parents who are drugged or stoned and pass it to their kids as early sometimes as 8 years old.  Because of the diminished effects in judgment of these parents, it is not unusual at all, that these parents have passed to their children a blunt which is marijuana laced with cocaine, meth, the parents own narcotic prescriptions to calm an upset child, or played friend instead of parent to their children’s keg parties or they brag about their daughter or sons going to fraternity parties with college kids.

The great majority of us who are capable of common sense are all to aware of the fact that high school kids and most of our college kids should avoid a fraternity party because of what happens at these parties way too much.

The probability that our own child or grand child is a frequent attendee of these parties is not rare in homes where parents have the attitude,” They are grown up now, what can you do?” or “I trust my child they would never get pregnant or do drugs.” Sadly because parents are turning their adolescents out because they trust them, they often are the first to get pregnant or to try drugs. They may look like adults but they are still children.  Their friends parents let their child do it and they are really cool is the judgment of children. As long as they are still making remarks like that they are not mature enough yet to deal with or to stand up to peer pressure.

Every time I hear many of the statements made by parents of 13 to 15 year olds I just want to grab the parents and say, “Do you know your child is going to the den of inequity by going to parties where college boys are present and the parents leave or drink with them, or they are at clubs where drugs are everywhere and with fake IDs that aren’t checked very well?”

“What parents can do is to make sure their children are where they tell us they are going even if it means showing up and embarrassing them when we do find out they are not at the library studying, set a curfew, and do not let them go to unsupervised parties until they start talking in conversational terms commonly used or heard amongst adults.  Know who their friends are and delay dating until they are mature enough to handle the stresses in their lives with out a great deal of drama. Do not fall for the old, ” you do not trust me lines like my friend’s parents do,” as that is just another of those lines kids who are still too dramatic, to use their own common sense, use all the time.

Mature teenagers who are assured that they are loved and have parents for parents instead of parents for friends are not intimated in the least bit to say “No thanks, my parents would kill me, or ‘my mother or father are always up when I go home and” if I ever tried it they would know it,’ and I’d be grounded for life,” or ” I have a curfew and I need to get home before I get killed.”  They know of course they will not get killed but they value the fact that they do know they can use their parents as an excuse to stand up against peer pressure because they will be disciplined if they do not follow rules.  We have rules on the job, on the highways, in the malls with drink cups and every where we go so why some parents do not think we need rules when raising the next generation of adults, has never registered on my yard stick of common sense.  It isn’t just a phase folks it may be their lives.

We all need to understand that drugs and drug addicts are our problem, and our children cannot go anywhere without being exposed to them. When we think a third generational child of drug addiction is someone else’s problem then I can assure everyone who has that attitude, that one out of three of you and in other cases all of you, will indeed have that problem if not today or tomorrow but sometime in the future,  Sadly that attitude does go hand-in- hand with denial.

The more immature children who have their parents complete trust are exposed to the life style, and it only takes once because they are still immature, for them to think or say, ‘if my parents don’t care about me, then I’ll just show them.”;  Insecurity is prevalent in children who do not have guidelines to follow or do not feel loved because they feel they do not get their parents attention enough. It rarely is true but too often it is the child’s perception and that is all it takes for them to reason the way they do.

Drugs do come in to school yards and church functions just like they do other places. It very well is likely our child will be the first generational drug user in our family followed by our grand child and great-grandchild. I’m not trying to use scare  tactics on parents who have their hands full,as it is, but trying instead to bring an awareness to parents to when we  can trust the judgment of our teenagers and let go so they can learn from their mistakes while we are still  close by to catch them if they fall or we are able to supervise their behavior and are observant enough to understand the pressures of absentee parenting that our own children have to deal with everyday through their exposure to it.

The trashing of ex-NFL player’s home, Brian Holloway, in New Jersey when kids were bragging about the fact they urinated on the floors and broke windows and showed it on social media, themselves, is just  part of a bigger picture of  alcohol and drug use, and the lack of parenting we are seeing in our teenagers.  The fact that Holloway was willing to give them a break by having them come back and clean up and only 5 kids and one parent came, is just part of the mentality of misplaced priorities that is lacking in what is being taught to our kids by their parents.

The bigger and more damaging picture is these same parents of these 300 kids are now considering suing Brian Holloway for showing the camera footage of their children doing $20,000.00 worth of damage to his home, when their kids showed pictures of themselves doing it and bragging about it on social media, should tell all of us as parents,  there is a clear lack of maturity, teaching, and supervision going on in homes by parents. These kids come from what are considered, “good homes,” because they show well, but how can kids be expected to know right from wrong when parents behave poorly?

Clearly these kids and kids like them in America are not being parented in the values necessary to be the next generation leaders of tomorrow and our kids are going to school and being affected by this same mentality all over our Nation.  This sadly, is not an isolated moment.  Children everywhere are being exposed by the pressures of this lack of mentality has on them, and are being trusted by absentee parenting who have no idea of how our own children are being affected by it because, “I trust my child”, or “what are you going to do, they are adults now?” This is clearly sending the wrong message to all of our kids, when they are not taught guidelines or rules are not enforced by parents who have no rules.

Our kids deserve parents who love and teach them instead of parents who encourage more bad behavior and are more concerned they will be embarrassed rather than doing their job of teaching their kids values and character. The sad thing is that this has been affecting children for three generations in all levels of society.  It is not just some of todays parents who are failing their kids, it has been going on for what now seems forever and nothing ever gets done about it except our children become more hardened criminals due to the lack of parenting.

It is time we acknowledge that indifference in parenting, drug addiction and mental illness is everywhere including rural areas, and quit talking and start treating both the sick and addicts as a medical problem instead of as a criminal problem because in too many States law enforcement are filling up our jails with parents and kids and releasing them again and again untreated and in doing so, it is ruining families and has been doing so for too long.

The lack of judgment in these parents who are addicts and parents in general who deny or ignore the mental disorders that goes along with addiction are indeed the major crises of family dysfunction in America, and the reason for the deterioration taking place in families. We need to start talking honestly about drug use and mental illness in the United States, just as we need to talk in the same manner about parenting.  It is ridiculous that both subjects are still considered taboo subjects in families.

We need to quit blaming and start treating.  It is way past time we quit blaming single parents, video games, and movies for ruining families.  The problem is every bit as prevalent in homes where both parents live, although alcohol and drugs do tear marriages and families part when one parent uses while the other one doesn’t.  Too often though. the person living with the alcoholic or drug addict starts using as well and then the children are totally lost to parents who no longer deal in reality.

The problems of games and movies may have minor to some major effect on the already unstable of our children but they do not even qualify in numbers next to the destruction done by  families when mom and dad are absent in the teaching of values to their children, jailed instead of treated, and the child who is already addicted as well, is shifted from one family member or foster home to the other because no one can get along with them. These children, through no fault of their own, are dealing with conduct disorder, drug disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder due to the fact their parents who wanted to be their buddies or their peers said, “What are you chicken?”

We can not continue to sweep these major problems effecting the well-being of our families under the rug anymore, as the shame of not treating the sick is going hand in hand with the attitude of all drug and alcohol abusers who live amongst us and who truly don’t give a damn anymore.   Those who lack empathy for others,  are not just in the Tea Party movement in America, but they are the drug and alcohol users in our own families and/or in our friends’ families. As a Nation we have failed these families for too long.

I hope when the Conservatives and Tea party members of the Republican Party, realize and understand in their total disregard for the people who cannot get affordable health care, they take time to pay attention to the needs of families in America better than they have taken care of the needs of government. Families do need intervention that treats instead of always punishing and after the last 16 days I can only hope the crazy Cruz and the Cruzers Caucus learned something about compassion for the people now, but I’m  pretty sure it is “we the People” who learned more than we ever wanted to know about the deficit of character in Washington.

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The much reviled by the Tea Party crowd, Harry S. Truman, who in truth was hated by the opposition during his term of office for his outspokenness and honesty said, “Any  politician who gets rich is a crook.” The household terminology during the Truman Administration was, “Give them hell, Harry!”

Like it or not, Harry S. Truman, was one of our greatest Presidents because his down home approach and humbleness and ability to place the common man above himself and his ego, spoke of his character. Most people who take the high road are not necessarily liked by many but they are respected by all, and that is what matters. Shutting down government earns the respect of no one but the dysfunctional. Without  respect none of us can ever own character and without character in our leadership, as a Nation we will fail.

The bling on a person’s hand or around their neck or the kind of car they drive or how ritzy the neighborhood they live in may be, is not what gains respect for a person.  It is how he or she treats others on the barometer of choosing right over wrong, even when it is difficult and means swallowing our own pride at times, is what builds both the back bone and character of a person; Being able to speak out for the downtrodden and sometimes those held in hostage by others, is the character of a human being.

It is also the job of the office of a politician, but there is a real disconnect in today’s conservative right and tea party paid Republican Party who have a misguided impression that if they say the right things when they campaign to their benefactors and they tell the public who votes for them what they want to hear although they have no intentions of following through on it, then it is the winning that matters. Unfortunately they become so convinced when they do get to Washington the voters will acknowledge their character and hold them in high esteem or forget their bad behavior they fail to understand first of all they have to earn our respect.

There was a lot done about the sexual behavior of Bill Clinton that enraged the far-right, but what the people knew was that Bill Clinton gave a damn about us,’ and was working for us.  When the right-wing conservatives tried to impeach him on his personal life they failed and never learned, they did not find the people who were not on the right, agreeing with them. Just because the far right religious community maybe praising men like Ted Cruz and the cruzers, the majority of us see him as nothing more than a mouth playing the fall guy for the tea party and right-wing.  There is no character or real concern for the people in the movement.  Without that there is also a real void of character or respect for the movement in the majority of us. “fool us once shame on you, fool us twice, shame on us.”

The problem with the dug in obstructionists in the Republican Party led by John Boehner, Eric Cantor, Paul Ryan is they have yet to learn that doing the right thing for the majority, and not just those who brought them there, is what their job entails. Shutting down government because they don’t get their way entirely when the Democrats have already conceded to them everything they wanted except defunding Obama care is not working for the people but instead the behavior of what is often referred to as, “spoiled brats in childhood.” Governing is not about them and their egos but about keeping their own selfish aims out of governing.

Character is not something that perhaps the younger crowd always demands of the people they hang out with or for that matter neither do many older adults but it is what most of us expect of our politicians.  We know that in many ways that analogy, itself, is a pipe dream but we do expect to see some proof of character in the fact that they give a damn about us. at most. Without character through proof of action, we have nothing more than robots in our elected politicians in Washington taking their orders from men like Grover Norquist or from oil companies, real estate companies, and insurance companies lobbyist paying them for their votes in The Senate and Congress even when that means filibustering, stalling and obstructing.

Since those of us who follow politics closely have seen nothing else from this Conservative and tea party leadership with Eric Cantor, Paul Ryan, and John Boehner bowing to the freshmen of the tea party demands, why wouldn’t we want to replace them all in the elections?

They’re hoping by election time we will forget they are holding the people’s government hostage while they demand ransom, because there are a small amount of them to be replaced in 2014, but 2016 is what matters, and they are certain we will all forget by then, as if their behavior has been normal up to this time:) This has been the pattern and behavior of all of them who have remained there and the new ones who have joined them in the right-wing of the Republican Party for 12 years.  They are the ones who created the mess that President Obama inherited.

These Republicans really think what they are doing now will just be a minor blimp on the screen of politics, just because the media says this is normal behavior? Give us all a break!

When our infrastructure is collapsing and endangering lives and could put thousands of our people to work, our children are going hungry and the only action they take is to cut food stamps, while our people are working part time and haven’t seen an increase in minimum wage since 1989, and they block any efforts to adjust for the tax rates of the wealthy, while they continue to ignore immigration and passing abuse laws against the vulnerable just because the Democrats in the Senate included Native Americans and the gay population and this Republican Party ,unlike every Republican party before them refuses to pass it, because they refuse to accept the gay population, and they think we do not care that they do their job and pay the bills that drive up our debt higher, while they sit there and do nothing but obstruct, stall and delay for 12 years and we won’t remember that?

We know this is not normal behavior nor has it ever been in the history of these United States, for an elected party to behave as poorly as this one has and for such an extended time, as has those in the right-wing of the Party are doing now and have been doing for too long.

We applauded Bill Clinton for standing up to the bullies in the conservative movement and for letting them shut down government before he capitulated to their demands because we knew he just like President Obama was fighting for us, and we knew our economy could withstand it for a day or two then. That’s not the same economy we have today and we want something done for us instead of all this pathetic behavior of rewarding the wealthy and the lobbyists, that has taken place for too long.  We have ran out of patience with this Republican Party.This is totally different because we the people have already over-extended our patience with this Republican Party. At one time even conservatives gave a damn about the people. This is no Bob Dole Republican Party.

This right-wing Republican Party is all about them and their egos and  we sense a total absence of character, in the people holding our government hostage. It is that lack of character that is going to follow this Republican Party long after they decide when government can start-up again.

The media can report all they want that Republicans are blaming Democrats and Democrats are blaming Republicans but just how it is sitting out here with us common folks, in these Red States, the barometer is not showing that to be entirely accurate.

The Press, just like the Republicans. read too much of their own press these days instead of bothering to research the facts. This Conservative controlled Republican Party, quite frankly, has blown it with the American people because they proved through their own actions: When they campaigned it was just a shell filled full of hot air making promises they had no intention of keeping, and lacking the character to be honest enough to admit it.  For those who didn’t know, that is my analogy of “what is character.” I know many do agree with it as well. I’m sorry we have to continue seeing the lack of it in Washington, but we all have the power to change it at the election polls.

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When Wayne LaPierre, Vice President of the NRA held his press conference today, and got up to speak I got so sick to my stomach of his propaganda that I hate to write this post drawing attention to his speech.  If I don’t talk about it and point out just how severely insensitive the man was then, I like to many others will let that type of mentality pass off to those who do not know the heart of the American citizen, think his brand of callousness lies in the hearts of the majority of Americans.  As expected he blamed everyone but the NRA. Politicians politicizing it, demonic behavior, gun free school zones as an advertisement for the disturbed,video games, the lack of guards in our schools, the entertainment industry and the media.

If anyone read my post yesterday entitled,”Why Do We Lead The World In Suicide’ then you know I pointed out the cultural differences that we all must share in and the responsibility we all must take to keep our children safe.  We do not need guns in schools because they offer a false sense of security to those who carry a gun.  They also offer a challenge to those like Timothy McVeigh who went to a bomb where armed guards were, instead.

The facts are that the majority of us who own a gun will not and cannot shoot to kill another human being and we will either freeze up when called on to do so or we will shoot wildly into a crowd and kill more innocent people. Even policemen, who are trained to use a gun, know to shoot their guns is the last possible choice they have to make,since we have an established record of collateral damage and more lives lost as a result of having to use a gun in a crowd, throughout our History. Armed guards in banks and air ports know not to shoot where people are gathering.  The guards only end up being another victim when a person enters the space or establishment and far more guards are killed in businesses,Court Houses, or banks than are armed robbers, because they do not want to harm the innocent around them.

I don’t know what kind of sick home Wayne LaPierre grew up in or raised his children in but his statement that,” today’s children will see 16,000 murder scenes by the time they reach the ripe old age of 18,” is so totally inaccurate that if it wasn’t such a serious subject it would be laughable.  Movies of sexual or violent content are rated in America and children who do not have an ID of proof of age cannot get into a PG13 or R rated movie.  I know that to be a fact, even when they are accompanied by an adult.

I don’t doubt there are irresponsible parents who could care less about the movies their children watch at home but to declare them as the norm is totally adding salt to the wound of parents who do not allow their children to watch these movies or play these games.  Many homes have controls on their computers and televisions that will not allow the viewing of these shows and television warns adults when something is not appropriate or wrong for children to watch as well.  Even our news programs will place a warning prior to showing it.

Facts number two are that the very same movies named and the very same video games that Wayne LaPierre named play in Countries like Britain and Japan and are the very same video games played in both Countries. A ten-year study shows that they do not influence children to kill but violence in a home acted out by parents can and does. The Industrial or Civilized Nations have as much porn and as many people who prostitute.  They work to buy and over spend as well.  All the same things we have in our culture they have as well.

Britain and Japan are as civilized and advanced as we are and have the same kind of Democracies as we do. Britain’s Military is as strong as our own. The prices and costs in Japan are extravagant along side of what we pay for the same. The raining London skies and the Cramped Tokyo Apts. lead to as much depression and thoughts of suicide in these Countries as much as they do in our own but they do not stigmatize mental illness the way we do. They have free treatment facilities where anyone who is suffering from mental illness or delusional thinking can get help free, at any hour.

What separates all other advanced or civilized Countries from the United States is they do not have a powerful lobbyist that has brain washed gun enthusiasts into believing that the right to own a gun is a higher right than the right for people to be able to live.  When murder happens they do not have a Wayne Lapierre blaming everyone and everything else but themselves for the murders in their Country because they have gun laws that lessen those deaths.  Britain averages 600 murders per year in total and Japan has practically none while the United States has 18,000 suicides or 32,000 murders per year.

The facts are that no other civilized Nation tolerates the mentality that the NRA has and the irrational thinking that they hold nor do they use the lies or the scare tactics and the despicable words the NRA uses to blame everyone but themselves. The National Rifle Association leadership, needs to convince gun enthusiasts that everyone else is wrong and they are right otherwise they may lose their own power through lost of membership dues.

They are amongst the most powerful lobbyists in the Nation and no conservative politician from either the Democrat or the Republican Party can get elected without the support of the NRA.  Other Countries refuse to fight murder and suicide by using guns to protect against guns because they are rational enough to understand that people cannot kill unless they have months of training or are disturbed enough to commit suicide/murder. These certified programs that Texas and Utah like to talk about are three-days of watching videos and training at a gun range while shooting at a target in order to get a certificate to carry a gun in school.

To give teachers and school workers,  in places like Utah and Texas a certificate of completion of  a gun training course does not qualify them for training that allows another human being to fire under threat of gun fire or to kill another human being while looking into the eyes of someone who is just a kid themselves. How much more desensitizing of our behavior towards the power of the gun over the value of life are we going to tolerate in teaching our children, as a Nation, before we yell enough! Do we really want our youngest and most innocent strapped with the knowledge or fear that their teacher or the nice man with a gun or themselves can be killed at any given moment?

Teachers are trained to keep our children safe and we want their thoughts to go first towards protecting our children, over running in fear or stopping to kill. Teachers who care are not trained to kill the next young man who walks into the building armed to shoot. Many times they are students or past students of theirs and they are not going to be able to shoot to kill.  It is irrational thinking on our part to think they can and equally as unfair as to think they should. We may think if it is our lives or the lives of a child we all can shoot to kill but it is pure and literal nonsense. Firing a gun is not like going out to the paint ball course and shooting paint balls at each other. The fear or the need to survive under pressure of assault in the untrained, takes over control of all rational thoughts that we have when our lives are not under threat of danger. We freeze,run, or if we shoot we shoot wildly injuring far more others than lives we save.  Firing at a target is not the same as looking a human being in the eyes and firing.

It takes a well trained or a disturbed mind to do so and even then that trauma follows those who are trained perfectly, the rest of their lives.  Ask any military personnel or policemen how devastating the effects are of taking another life in defense of the Country, is on their lives, even when it is done for a higher honor.  I have lived with the results of those who fought in wars and too many times they are haunted by it forever. Many come home and turn to alcohol just to live past the nightmares that enter their sleeping hours or become workaholics in an effort to forget.  Their marriages and their lives quite often fall apart.

The mistake the media made was to allow that kind of propaganda that is spread across America by the NRA and some of its followers to even be broadcasted. As soon as they knew they had been had by the National Rifle Association they should have shut them off just as they do when a politician says something that is not of their political persuasion.  When this propaganda is spread it only leads to desensitize the minds of those who are already desensitized to the point that it starts making perfectly good sense to them.

No person who hunts wild game, even after hours of target practice, will escape what is known as buck fever. It takes practice to be able to shoot game animals before becoming an accurate enough shot to make the bullet connect with the game animal being shot. Even seasoned bird hunters will experience buck fever when switching to larger game animals.  Buck fever is the name commonly given to the hunter who will both sub-consciously and automatically pull up on their gun when shooting rather than to kill the animal.

It is not an automatic reaction in clear thinking humans to kill with a gun on instinct and it requires months to train people to kill out of a necessity or a higher pursuit of justice. Both the Police Academies and Military training requires men and women shooting blanks or live rounds above the heads of those in the fields to acclimate them to the reality of being able to fire at a human being every bit as much as it takes hours to train humans to remain calm, in order to kill out of necessity in war or when under attack. These are not normal traits that we adapt to on a first reaction under attack.

The guns Mr. NRA said the media is lying about and the politicians are trying to find fame in and that are being politicized hold magazines that leads to massive deaths.  Does it really matter if they are military or assault weapons when they fire in rapid succession?  Don’t they kill just as quickly and destroy the lives of our innocent just as well. They certainly cannot be used for hunting anymore than the ammunition they protect can be used to hunt when its only purpose is to pierce the vests of policemen and police women who are killed in the act of duty by the same.

I have acknowledged that it is our culture and the love of the gun  that needs to share responsiblity with the NRA for gun deaths in America but it does not hold a candle to the deaths that are caused by people arming themselves with a false bravado of thinking they will be able to shoot to kill.   Nothing inspires the fantasy  or gives forth the power to kill more than those who are too meek to murder or encourages those who are disturbed enough to murder faster, than the thrust of a gun. The gun feeds those fantasies in the minds of the disturbed faster than anything else that they can do.

Those who will cause murder have no conscious and we cannot try to rationalize  our minds with theirs. I repeat, people who are armed are killed  far more often by the perpetrators than what the perpetrators are killed. They always have the element of surprise over us and a great many of them do not have the same fear of death because many of them are seeking out suicide by cop.

Guns in the hands of those who are not thinking realistically only offers us a false sense of security that is quickly over taken by the perpetrators. Those who are disturbed do not hear the noises and sounds we hear as many are disturbed or can only hear the voices in their own heads.  They do not even hear the screams around them that make us run out of fear but as soon as we think we can pull a gun and shoot we will be dead with or without our three-day certificate that gives us a license to carry a gun. It is a fact!

I am sick of the hate and the fear tactics of the NRA and if you viewed the same that I did and could not see that expressed yourselves, I can only respond that Americans are much more sicker than I thought.  The NRA fear and propaganda tactics are not only false but they are irrational and have no place in the power that runs America. It sickens me that such trash talk was allowed to be spoken on our media services at a time we are already sicken by the deaths of our innocent, by guns.

Instead of talking about banning ammunition and magazines that only serves to kill humans along with high powerful and assault weapons, Wayne Lapiere and the NRA paid for monkeys successfully changed the subject to arming personnel in our schools where our children would be subjected to even more violence.  Anyone who thinks the bullies or gangs who hang out in some of our schools across America would not find a gun a worthy challenge to be taken, are not being realistic about what really does go on when the disturbed are made to feel powerful behind a gun.

What can I say other than may the Season offer some design of light into the hearts and minds of all of us and may we be infused by the Holy Spirit and Guardian that guides us towards common sense and intelligence to know the difference.  May God help us all in letting the goodness in all of us shine through the insanity of it all. God Bless us and God Bless America.

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Today I will offer my own opinion along with established fact that leads me personally to believe what the problem is behind the increase in murder/suicide in America.

We are second in the World in front of other advanced Nations after Montenegro in  percentage of suicides, where such records are kept.  When we think of ourselves as the Nation that people from other Countries want to immigrate to, we have to ask ourselves as to why our suicides are so high?

We  again begin with the N.R.A. interference into gun registration and add to that Americans’ love of the gun and its accessibility to people in America.  When the NRA not only fights against gun laws but also fights against people having to show proof of the lack of mental illness or treatment for depression when buying a gun, then guns end up in the hands of too many people who should never own guns.  They spend millions in litigation to fight privacy laws in favor of gun ownership. With the sponsorship of gun shows by the NRA across the Nation that require no waiting period what-so-ever and the illegal guns of street sales, America is flooded with guns.

Living in the land of guns and honey brings along with it the stress that often goes along with keeping up with the Jones. People do not miss that which they cannot hold,own, or goes unseen in their lives. American workers work longer hours in more extended days straight than any other Nation in the World.  We have fewer and less holiday and vacation days of any other Civilized Nation. We out work all other Nations in the World. Todays’s workers work longer hours than any generation has before them.

A person who struggles to feed their family or to provide basics are not nearly as likely to feel that they are missing out as those who are accustomed to getting what they want over what they need.  If we have paid attention to school shootings at all, we must have noticed that the majority of these children are white males who come from upper middle class or wealthy homes when murder/suicide does occur. It is much easier never to have had it than it is to have had it and to lose.   Americans many times marry their jobs since they spend many more hours on the job than they do at home, and when they find their jobs pulled out from underneath them it can and does trigger murder/suicide in the work place.

We are a Capitalist Society that invests in trade over the needs of the people. We are the only civilized Nation in the World that does not pay the entire healthcare costs of 100% of its people but yet we remain the richest Nation in the World. We  subsidize commerce to a far greater degree than do all other Nations just as our costs of the greatest military in the World cost 10 times more that what the rest of the World combined pays to maintain a defense system.

We live under stress every day of the week and often with wants that we either can’t provide for or feel we need. Many of us have not learned to make sacrifices now in order to enjoy life later. The exposure to goods in America,technology,clothing stores, and all other retail stores leave us wanting or feeling we are being denied.

With the breaking of the backs of our Unions across America by men like Sam Adelson who has vowed millions to eliminate them and the Tea Party Governors along with Republican legislatures  supporting the right to work laws without the same coming up for vote in our States, the middle class are dropping $5500.00 per year. Despite the facts, 47% of the American people who are primarily middle class voted to guard the gate of the 1% by voting Republican in our past elections. Stress in America is the number one killer because of the message driven home by too many for the need to own more, at the expense of the middle class.

When we started closing down mental Institutions because of the absolute abuse that was triggered by the lack of laws protecting our citizens, we went the other way and left our loved ones defenseless when it came to getting help for mental illness.

Previously to closing down the mental Institutions across America and the passage of the Equal rights amendment husbands could declare their wives unfit to raise the children and have her committed without even a record of instability. The husbands word alone was enough and many times he could get a Dr. to agree to the same without even seeing the woman. People who suffered from vision or hearing loss or were slow learners were committed into Institutions.  When the laws were lax towards those who could commit others, so much abuse reigned across America that it led to shutting them all down.

We are now in a cycle where those who are desperate for need of treatment for mental illness cannot get the help they need.  It is too easy to prescribe drugs without any follow-up or counseling.  Some general practitioners along with chiropractors, will prescribe both narcotics and antidepressants that lead to both aggression as well as further anxiety and depression.  In America if a person knows the right people or wants to find someone who will prescribe or supply drugs or guns all things are possible.  It only takes money to get whatever an American citizen wants both legally and illegally.

Even with good counseling and a drug plan that works parents cannot force adult children to remain on their treatment program.  The very symptom of some of the most grievous of diseases that lead to bouts of severe depression is that the patient will be made to feel better and believe that they can quit treatment which only aggravates the disease and makes it worse.

Drugs are readily available in America to both Street people and those who start out life as high achievers.  We are a Country that has a high tolerance for both guns and drugs while our Conservative politicians appear to be against the same with public messages over the years. They in reality will never face off against the lobbyists or the NRA who put millions into their pockets for re-election. Illicit drugs in America makes up 33% of our Gross National Product. Many killings in America are as a result of the flow of illegal drugs and the need to protect the distribution of the same.

We have 17 Republican controlled States that have passed the “Stand Your Ground Laws” with 6 more States discussing arming teachers. Too many amongst us have no concept of the danger of guns because it has been romanticized as part of our culture and of the old Wild West. When these same States are talking about arming teachers they are ignoring that any gun on school property is susceptible to causing collateral damage even in the hands of trained policemen.  They also are denying that even guns that are safe guarded in schools can be easily over taken by the gangs of bullies who often hang out in our school systems and intimidate teachers. When sliding steel pocket doors that close instantaneously and are impenetrable to those who threaten entry  from the outside are being used in facilities across the World the mentality of the American mind instead goes to more guns to protect against guns.

When people who suffer from mental illness are not confined for their own good or their own needs because Insurance Companies refuse to pay and  Obama care is ridiculed and fought against in sectors in fits of rage, then we leave ourselves and our loved ones vulnerable to the stresses and ills along with fits of depression that can and do lead to suicide. Instead of treating our mentally ill and  drug addicts we imprison them.

Any Nation of wealth encompasses people who make comparisons because too many times the politicians themselves will belittle or blame the have-nots while promoting those who have. The Republican Party appeared to accelerate that belief this past election with attacks against the poor in their own leadership and the need to adopt the Ryan Plan in order to deny the needs or in most cases the rights of the people. When those who are feeling rejected from loss of jobs and incomes, or are being bullied by others, are made to find their own uniqueness a fault rather than a plus, we leave open the potential to not only suicide but we harbor those who would take down our children with them.

We are a Society who puts too much importance and stress on the things we own, on beauty,skin color,appearance,money, and popularity. We encourage sameness or like beliefs, over encouraging individual expression.  We too often fail to encourage value in the uniqueness of each individual to express that uniqueness but instead demand that we all share the same belief system. Those who fail to fit into a cli’que of like mentality are often shunned,ridiculed, and bullied.  We support violence in the games we play and the movies we watch.  The movie industry knows and understands that movies without sex or violence will too often fail at attendance and revenues.

Our educational system is not supported by the Conservative causes and ranks low in comparison to other civilized Nations as a result of it. Bright children are too often criticized for their superior intelligence and not supported by a system that inspires them up to their abilities to succeed, due to limited funds granted to the School districts in our States.To many amongst us push our children in all categories that will gain them popularity over education and in doing so, to often it leads to mediocrity while insisting they excel in sports.  When highschool coaches feel that winning is the only thing that will save their jobs they offer steroids and muscle enhancers to their young players and it starts a panacea of corruption in our sports’ programs. The stress to always have more and to do better leads us in advancement in many fields in the world,  but it also breeds the ravages of failure, in those who feel as though they cannot achieve or have been left behind.

We self medicate on drugs and alcohol to cover up feelings of inadequacy or pain, because we place a astigmatism against mental illness. We do not tolerate those who expose our own weaknesses. The people who cause such carnage as was done in NewTown Connecticut, are usually those who are coming down off of a bad drug trip, are feeling neglected, powerless,weak,or worthless. Behind a gun they feel omnipotent and powerful and ready to show others who they often feel have either ignored them or made them to feel less of the person than they are.

We as a Society ignore and deny the power of the gun in the hands of those who would not otherwise kill, because of the control of the N.R.A. in our Nation or the fear tactics used against us to protect ourselves. They are not the only ones who use fear tactics as home alarm companies call and exaggerate home invasions in areas where none exist along with those who promote gun sales and under ground bunkers. The home alarm companies calls are being made in homes illegally as I have received the same  even though I am on the government “Do not call list.” They get around the law by claiming to offer a free prize. People rush gun stores and buy military weapons that have no business in any of our homes each time they think they will be denied their guns by law.

Those who act out in total disregard of human life do so because they lack empathy for anyone but themselves or they feel disrespected. In neighborhoods where drugs are sold on street corners,others die over drug sales. Others feel that they have been so ridiculed that they can only seek justice behind a gun. They may suffer from irrational beliefs  but they know full well that they will leave behind pain and destruction. Many times they feel that they will be a person whose name will go down in history as having made a difference, while knowing full well the misery they cause.  We as a Nation have romanticized people like Jesse James,Billy the Kid, Bonney and Clyde, Annie Oakley and other outlaws of the old West as heroes over generations, and in doing so we have romanticized the use of the gun to settle disputes.

Those who cause a silent suicide or one that does not draw attention to the outside World often do so because they are suffering, or cannot face the future, or feel that they are a burden on their loved ones.  Others are fearful of the future because they become so steeped in Religious conviction of Armageddon, or that God wants them or their children saved  from a sinful World, or suffer severe mental illness to the point they hear voices from the devil to kill. Other suicide/murders are committed over child custody or domestic disputes when they have access to a gun. Often times those who are afraid that they are lacking because Societal norms do not accept them for the person they are, will feel that life is not worth living or are driven by the need to gain revenge and do not consider the pain they leave behind because the act of murder/suicide itself, is most often an act of “Me Only.”

People who are sensitive to those who criticize, and often times are made to feel they are inadequate or weak are made to feel powerful behind the gun. It is just as likely to be a meek personality as it is an aggressive personality that uses a gun to kill.  America has 18,000 suicides a year where other Civilized Nations, who keep records of suicide, do not reach higher than into the 200’s. In total of murders and suicides we have 32,000 people lost each year. All other advanced Nations who have a much lower suicide and murder rate offer free mental health services that give parents more control over the treatment of mental health and much stricter gun laws.  It does not take a rocket Scientist to understand why America excels in the numbers of suicides and murders over all other advanced Nations in the World

Along with the greatest Democracies in the World comes the freedom to misuse that freedom through both abuse of others and self-inflicted wounds. With freedom comes the need to protect its citizens through just laws.  Americans should have a much greater right to live over the right to own guns.  We need to do a better job in understanding that our people as well as our children should never have to feel that they are less than the need or greed of Capitalism in a free Society. If we keep electing a Republican majority in Congress and in our States, who refuses to act in the best interests of our people, then don’t we have some responsibility to bear for the same? We are coming out lacking as a Nation because of our own lack of demand and insistence on the fact that our politicians can do better.

It brings some comfort to me to see that at long last we have hope at least that those responsible will do something but the proof still remains in the pudding. I long for the days when we can again promote the many qualities of all of the American people who are supported by all of our elected politicians, instead of a few.  America is still the best Country in the World but we need to be honest about our faults in order to make much-needed changes. May all of our politicians be strong enough to stand up against the lobbyists and brave enough to bring forth all the good qualities that are representative of America.  Wishing all of us hope this Holiday Season!

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According to the process of teaching, “All truth passes through three stages, First it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed.Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”–Arthur Schopenhauer

Many of us feel a genuine sorrow each time that we hear of the deaths of children or mistreatment of pets, even when we have not known or spent time with them.  Not all people do, nor do they need to feel guilt if they don’t.  Not all people bond with children or pets and cultural differences in the way we accept death, also plays a role in why some people will grieve profoundly while others feel a compassion and act differently from those who grieve the lost of strangers. This was very prevalent in the attacks of 9/11, as well. Some people also remain more resilient while they prefer to spring into action first.

The NewTown tragedy, is one of many killings of our children by those who use guns but it leaves a profound lost on all of us as a Nation, because there are so many 6 and 7 year olds who have lost their lives.  Even those who do not have any particular fondness for children, can remember those hopeful years of their own lives, and feel that this tragedy leaves them with a genuine sense of regret for the lives lost.

We generally accept the Kubler-Ross model of grieving even though it has its share of critics as well.  The study was based on people who were terminally ill and how they coped with the lost of their health and the acceptance of death and they later applied the same emotions to all lost of that which we are bonded to.  I repeat the 5 steps here;

1.  Denial—“I feel fine”

2.  Anger—-“Why me?  It’s not fair.”

3.  Bargaining–“I’ll do anything for a few more years or one more moment”.

4. Depression—“I’m so sad, why bother with anything”.

5.  Acceptance–“Its going to be o.k.”

Others have added two other emotions and they are shock which most commonly accompanies denial and leaves us feeling numb and guilt.   Guilt is common with care givers who feel they should have been able to do more or with survivors who are involved in the same act of violence or car accident or in death of any kind. It is also common is spouses and siblings,especially when a twin is lost through death or separation.  It directly affects those who fight together in wars, sometimes for the rest of their lives.

Emotions can also be very varied without fitting a pattern of any kind.  They can run from solemn to trepidation to anxiety or to rage and disgust.  Many times feelings of jealousy or envy or even hate can follow when we see other children graduate with their classes or marry or we see other spouses with their mates, even after we feel that our sadness has dissipated. It is important that those who are experiencing many ranges of emotions are not alone but instead with friends and family members until the pain or shock that often triggers these erratic or difficult to deal with emotions calm down. When we are more clear of our own emotions then we can reflect on our own if we have the capacity to do so and know our own strengths and weaknesses. Any shooting of any nature often leads to temporary trauma in all of us.

In years past, the Medical Association did  not talk about post traumatic stress disorder in other situations outside of war.  As modern techniques expose more about the human brain, it is now more generally accepted that PTSD can and does exist on many levels of trauma and often times does accompany shock when death is totally unexpected.

The important thing with grieving is that we all know that there is not a clear-cut pattern for those who grieve.  Many emotions can be involved just as the more resilient or people with a history or exposure to death will feel fewer emotions.  Some may spend days crying while others who have been exposed to death can move on with few tears and gain acceptance earlier.  It is when grieving goes on for months into years with a total sense of helplessness that we should be certain to get professional help without any sense or feeling like we are weak or a failure.

We all have different ways of coping throughout life and a different time-frame in which we grieve.  Some find genuine laughter over memories of loved ones their healing tool.  Others will memorialize their loved one while still others who are use to solving their own problems in life will remain isolated amongst family members and choose to grieve alone.  Some will feel a responsibility and duty to do something first, and then grieve later when things become more quiet. Others will turn to Religion and the hope offered through its teachings while others will commit their lives to doing for others in an effort to feel good about themselves and to help lift the veil of sadness. Some delay going back to work and grieve immediately and find it only takes a few months to reach acceptance.  Others lose themselves in work and delay their grieving, because they feel a need to analyze the reasons why, first. When they finally accept the fact that there are no answers to the why they move on to the acceptance of death.

The main thing is that we acknowledge that not all things are great and that we do understand a necessity to grieve with the understanding that it should not be a lifetime condition that brings debilitating sadness. Some people will feel better talking about the death while others will want to choose who they discuss it with, if they wish to discuss it at all.  Many times those who grieve will blame the innocent bystander or take out their bad feelings on the closest people to them.

Grieving takes a high level of understanding sometimes. We cannot excuse poor behavior as being normal,and need  to understand that we may need to learn three simple words such as:”I am sorry.” Some people become over protective or obsessive out of fear of another loss during the period of grieving.  They will sometimes use poor behavior in order to deliberately drive away others who they love because they cannot bear the lost of another person in their lives. People who have a previous history of relieving bad feelings in themselves,on those closest to them, many times should ask for help during this time, while those who are close by understand this is not a time to judge, harshly.

Too many times we get stuck in one step of grieving and rather than feel the pain or get grief counseling will turn to alcohol or drugs and only compound our own grieving.  Grieving needs to take place, as the longer we delay it, the more problems will arise in the family as a result of our doing so. It is not uncommon for parents to delay their own grieving while making sure their children are o.k. first.  It is important that we understand that if we are not well then our children will not be  either.  Alcohol and drugs in moderation may help with sleep in the earlier days but should never replace or be used to deny the feelings of pain that we need to heal from, through grieving our loss.

We can grieve while also feeling genuine appreciation for having had our loved ones in our lives, and many recover as a result of the same. Some want to leave pictures up as a reminder of their loved ones, while others want to remove all reminders of them.  Some will continue to celebrate birthdays while others will feel a need to mourn. People are all different in their expressions of sorrow and we need to respect the same, but also remain cognizant of those who need professional help in order to cope. It is o.k to find moments of laughter and to look back after a few months or a couple of years and to acknowledge that we were not always rational during our grieving process.  Very many aren’t.

It is important that we understand that various levels of grieving in a marriage often leads to disputes that can lead to divorce if one of the members in the marriage are ready to move on and remember the good moments shared by the deceased while the other mate is still asking,”Why Me?” Grieving too many times will lead to intolerance in couples while it will bring others closer together since no one else can entirely understand their shared lost as clearly as they can.

We can often times treat those closest to us, during the grieving time pretty poorly, if we do not move ahead with the grieving process.  Children as young as 18 months can feel the loss of the bond of a sibling or parent and grieve. Children who lose their best friends can withdraw and be afraid of initiating new friends because to do so feels like betrayal to them. They can not always voice their feelings, or understand them, themselves. Children grieve differently from adults in that they often times do not cry but instead will act out.

Children may have episodes of unexplained rage or with draw into themselves.  When adults grieve it is especially important that when a child loses a sibling or a friend at an early age, that we understand that the children are losing the person in their lives that has always been part of their lives that they have confided in and made plans with for a future as well.  The most neglected lost of loved ones often does lie in the lack of understanding for the death of a friend or sibling, when they lose their friend or sibling too early.

The lost of a sibling is difficult for adults to deal with, but too few amongst us, understands the difficulty as the sympathy and understanding goes more often to  the parents,spouses, or their children. Siblings are often called on to be strong and to act as spokes people instead. The loss of a twin can compare to the lost of a spouse as many ideas,hopes,jokes,love,hate,upsets,plans for the future, and people in their lives are shared from birth and through out their lives. The identity or feeling of losing half of ourselves, when we lose a twin, is most like that of losing a spouse.  No relationship is more involved or longer lasting than that of  a twin relationship when their relationship begins in the womb they share.

What we as parents need to do is to make certain that our sadness does not spread over to our children or lose patience with our children if they are not shedding tears but are acting out. It helps  instead to discuss with them what they are feeling to make them behave the way they are.  Children should not hear everything about the shootings but sadly many will hear it from other sources and we need to be aware of the fact that details often become exaggerated and lead to nightmares in our children. When questioning them we need to be careful not to offer details but instead to find out what they know or are feeling and answer them honestly.

Just as some adults will cry for days while others don’t, the same is true with children. Children,depending on age, do not clearly understand the permanence of death.  They just know that their parent,friend, or sibling is not with them now and do not understand the long-term of death but feel a real unexplained sadness in themselves. Some will need our understanding on their level to cope without us forcing our own coping measures or the lack of the same on them. Grieving needs to be age appropriate just like everything else in life does.

The tragedy effecting our Nation in NewTown,Connecticut can affect our children around the globe and it is especially important that we communicate with our children about their concerns without expressing our own concerns.  It is alright to say Mommy and Daddy are feeling sad because they know that already but they should not be made to feel as a replacement for the children lost, or be compared to them.

We are each uniquely our own person and that applies to grieving as well.  We will not always be on the same page together nor do we have a time clock running.  If we need grief counseling we most definitely need to seek it out before we are left to deal with an unnecessary guilt or a prolonged sense of hopelessness.  It is important that we also rest during this time, when we can.  Grieving is exhausting and requires that we do get sleep.

Good luck and my condolences are with all of you.  I, like the rest of the Nations around the World, are wishing you the strength to recover on your own time and in your own space knowing our prayers and thoughts are with all of you.  May the goodness of the Season offer all of us the hope that we as a Nation will do something about such needless tragedies, in the New Year. God Bless all of us!  (See my previous post,”Guns And Mental Illness”)

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Webster dictionary describes genuine as actually having the reputed or apparent qualities or character.  To many times we have people using words to describe others when they do not own or practice the qualities needed to possess or own character, themselves.  It was a repeated error made by candidates for election throughout the Nation this past election year.

When Governor Chris Christy of New Jersey showed his own Party what real character was or expressed genuine feelings in his praise of President Barack Obama’s quick response to the disaster in his State, due to the hurricane, men who like to refer to  themselves, as men who protect the standards of family values in America,criticized Christy for being genuine in his complement to our President.

When we as a Nation have leaders who criticize others who are genuine or fail to compliment others and treat it as a heresy when they compliment  or speak to a member of the opposite side of the aisle, can we really expect them to do what is genuinely in the best interests of those of us who are in need of their leadership?  Will men like Paul Ryan,Scott Walker, or Rubio, meeting and discussing the need of the Republican Party to become inclusive of the Hispanics, lead us to believe that they are genuine if they continue to vote against the equal rights of women to make decisions on their own procreation or to their own health, or when their Republican members in Washington filibusters immigration reform?

Are these, the often spoken about, the young new hopefuls of the Republican Party, any better than what has destroyed the “Grand Old Party?”When they speak about the Americans who fall on hard times as being the “takers”, while they vote against the needs of the people or refer to those of us who paid into government as, “people with their hands out who feel entitled”,or try to pass laws against victims of rape in defining legitimate rape, will we see any genuine change in the Republican Party when these young men are chosen to lead our Nation?

Doesn’t the Republican Party need men in it instead like Bob Dole who was genuine in his actions towards the disabled, the poor, and the need of the Republican Party to know and understand the needs of the people?  Aren’t these new young Tea Party members only an extension of what is wrong in the Republican Party?  Aren’t we the American People totally tired of words that are opposite of the actions they practice when it comes to voting against our rights and needs?

Too many times in our own personal lives we make allowances for those who practice disingenuous behavior because they are the beautiful people,the most charming of our children or friends, or because we want to be more like them or a part of their group. The new generation just wants to be respected by their parents instead. When we ourselves are less than genuine it shows all over our bodies and faces to those of us who recognize phony or shallow values.

When these politicians do the same, too many people, who are less than honest themselves, will be taken in by those who are not genuine. I once had a person tell me that my biggest problem was that I was too moral for the group as they did not place a high value on morality.  Isn’t that also at the root of why we keep electing people who are less than genuine in their leadership? I applaud the American people who did not accept or support the practice of lies , that won these men the elections in our States and Washington in 2010.

Have we forgotten already the way they won or their legislation that brought in the right to work laws that eliminated our protection from the Unions against unfair labor laws?  Will we forget the bills that they tried to pass against a woman’s right to choose or the involvement of the Tea Party militia in hate groups?  Will the Corporate Press be able to convince us of all the wonders done by these men of the future who stormed our States in 2010 and began laying off teachers,firemen and police while decreasing the wages of the workers?

When Republicans are promoted to run in the highest office of the land in 2014 and 2016 by the GOP, will we forget that they have been less than genuine in their practice towards the needs of the middle class when it came to an economic recovery and of giving us real jobs with fair hours and wages? Will we forget the passage of the right to work laws that denied the American workers and their Unions the right to vote because 27 States had Republican governors who were financed by the Koch Brothers? Didn’t many of the Republican governors lie to the people while they denied the workers their right to Democracy? Isn’t this currently  happening with Republican Governor Rick Snyder in Michigan?   Don’t these Governors represent the future of the Republican Party and the mentality of the Tea Party while the wages of the middle class continue to decline but the wealth of the rich increases two-fold?

Despite their argument that without the right to work laws corporations fail to move to their States and that these laws release people from having to join the Unions; they fail to say that Federal law already states people who do not want to join a Union need not do so.  These Republicans offer absolutely no proof of the truth in their Statements.  There is a simple explanation for the same and that is because there is no proof in what they state.  The proof that does exist is that the average worker’s income drops by $5500.00 per year along with benefits while their working conditions worsen.

The Corporations continue to win while the workers continue to lose is the fact with the right to work laws and there is no proof when 22 States have adopted these laws that corporations do move in. Why should they change from the States they already do set up residence in, when the majority if not all of the Red States where these laws have passed previously, have always offered corporate welfare to Corporations previously to these laws being passed in swing States? Are we the middle class foolish enough to believe that these Corporations will give up all their bread and honey, along with their facilities, equipment and trained staffs in the Red States in order to take less in the swing States?
If they should happen to move to the swing States, which is unrealistic, how much more concessions and job lost do we think it will cost the middle class workers? Would the workers in the Red States continue to believe that they lost their jobs,health care,and pensions because they were taken over by vulture Capitalists in the claim their Company was losing money? Don’t we already know the truth is that the greed of the Republican Party along with the greed of Wall Street is responsible for job lost over job gain?  What will it take for all Americans to understand this concept?
Michigan Republican Governor,Rick Snyder, like so many other Republican Governors in 21 other States,totally ignored the right of the workers to vote when the polls showed that only 6% of the people in the State of Michigan favored this move. Many in the Red States do not even know if they are a right to work State because they have such a heavily backed Republican legislature along with a conservative media, who does not keep them informed.

Do we feel that the current Republican Party is genuine in their representation of the truth when it comes to balancing the budget and avoiding the fiscal cliff in Washington?The truth is that the Tea Party members have dug in their heals again, just as they did the last time, and refuse to accept President Obama’s proposal of at least lowering the taxes on those who make less than $250,000. and John Boehner, is blaming President Obama instead of himself when it is his job to lead his own Party as Speaker of the House in Congress. They all appear on camera instead for their photo opts and profess in unison that the problem is that President Obama has sent them nothing while they reject his offer of cutting 4 trillion dollars and raising the taxes on the wealthy.  The only thing they seem to be able to agree on is to lie in unison to the American people. They began as “the Do Nothing Congress and they will finish out the four years” as the same.

Are they any different from the Republican Governors in our States? Have we already forgotten their 100 plus filibuster attempts against the middle class that would have protected the needs of the people and gave jobs to the same over their protection of Corporate? Don’t we realize their main goal was to make certain that President Barack Obama was a one term President?  Do we really believe that these same men will now compromise in order to keep the economy improving when they have fought against President Barack Obama’s attempts to do the same in the past?

With all their excuses as to why they lost just how genuine are they in understanding their need to be all-inclusive of the American people?  Is it just another example of empty words on their part? Does our own belief system fail us when we are asked  to remember the behavior directed against us by them? Do we learn to hate others who do us no harm, because we have a genuine belief system that tells us that hate is acceptable? Does our own belief system excuse us from making excuses for ourselves instead of taking action?

Is our problem that we long- ago lost touch with practicing any kind of value system based on genuine values, ourselves? Do we have a clue what we believe when we are called on to fight for the same?  Do we believe instead what we have been told to believe so we go into denial when we see or hear a real lack of sincerity in the same?Are those who promote family values, actually those who talk about values but find morality too difficult to maintain themselves?  We need to be interested in politics and the history of our politicians if we are to hold them and ourselves to a higher standard.

When we fail to hold those who would lead us to higher standards, it is we who lose.  This is true when it comes to raising our children and in teaching them right from wrong because we practice what we preach.  When we fail to make morality a priority in our own life the first to understand that our words do not match our actions, are our children.

Many a straying spouse does not just prove to their spouse that they are not trustworthy but they also teach their children that adults cannot be trusted or the person they most admire lacks morality when it comes to being an adult. Many children will turn a deaf ear to what they feel is nothing more than gibberish when they recognize that the behavior of the adult in their lives does not match the words they speak. Sadly, others will emulate the same behavior when they become adults but they will many times prove to their parents that they can do a better job of failing  than what their parent or parents did when it comes to being less than genuine.

When we talk about how busy we are but our children never see us get off the couch they believe the “busy talk” in us is less than genuine.   When  our children’s  needs to be disciplined go unprovided for, but are replaced by wants instead, we raise children who grow up feeling entitled without them making any efforts towards justifying the same in themselves; too often some will adopt a grandiose image of themselves while being totally void of human empathy for others while they often lack the understanding of what it takes to be ambitious.  If we never teach our children to take genuine responsibility for their own behavior or to care for their own needs in the home, but instead we make excuses for them or wait on them, we deny them the right to find genuine satisfaction in their own accomplishments.

When children are left untrained and untaught they often grow up fearful of being independent from us or to immature to leave home and to form their own belief system.  If we always treat work as something to be dreaded, we teach our children to be lazy instead. Too often we adults will go into denial before we accept the truth of the fact that our child’s behavior is out of control. The lives our children live while they watch us, when it fails to match the genuineness of the words we speak, often leads to denial in us and confusion in our children.

This is true about any behavior or words that leave our lips.  When we are less than genuine the first to accept it as being normal behavior in adults, are our children.  The fact that the youth vote went over whelmingly for President Barack Obama should show all of us who fear the “Me first and now” traits in the youth vote, that we are dead wrong in our judgements. Just as sometimes  the callous of heart appear to belong to the Tea Party or National Rifle Ass., we totally over look the value in the young who would put many of our generations to shame. President Ronald Regan means nothing to them and invoking his name did nothing towards winning their votes.

We forget that this generation of young people learned from us not to trust.When one out of every three homes on the block experience some form of  abuse in it, they have learned that they cannot trust adults to protect them.  We cannot turn around and place the blame on them without taking our share of the blame and pretend to begin to solve the problems that we face as a Nation, while talking about family values,if we do not understand that as adults our generations were far from perfect,as well.

The 1950’s were anything but what they have been romanticized to be but instead were hidden under the lies of injustice and under the veil of secrecy. The same environment allowed for the inhumane and violence of the Jim Crow laws to continue unchecked along with the violence and inequality of not just the tragedies of those laws but also the lack of laws that protect women and children against extreme abuse.

Those who would advocate the return to the 1950’s are not being fully cognizant or honest of the hardships and lack of humanity of the era.  When we fail to act out of genuine concern for all of our people, ourselves, we are certain to elect officials who would ignore the tragedies of the era,and instead repeat a history of genuine injustice. We as a Nation cannot return to a time of ignorance and injustice but we need to move forward by electing legislatures who  protect all Americans by making certain that the laws protect our children regardless of race,creed,gender or gender orientation, who are the most vulnerable amongst us. The spread of half truths and ignorance only makes hate breed.

Just as those who are aware of past injustices, and fight against the return to the same, we need to acknowledge in more recent times our children were victims of their babysitters, Ministers,coaches, and Priests,others their uncles,neighbors or Boy Scouts leaders,still others their step fathers, dads or mothers, others grew up with drugged,beaten,or alcoholic parents, and still others were prostituted by their own parents. They were warned about pedophiles and terrible behavior in adults that many of our generations were not aware of even existing.

Much of this same behavior happened throughout previous generations as well, but when it is kept as a secret in the closet to take to the grave we grew up being told it was our sin to bear and an isolated happening or worse yet, normal behavior, to practice as adults ourselves.  In keeping the secrets of those we were led to believe we should emulate, we lived our lives in turmoil being convinced we were the demon seed, where as todays generation understands that it is not their fault but the fault of the adult, once they are of voting age. This behavior is not limited to poor neighborhoods but happens on every block regardless the socio-economic conditions.

Many of our young people grew up to find their Sports heroes, steroid addicts or shot or killed in drunken accidents. Others were given drugs by their coaches and told to take it or else.  We adults left them devoid of the heroes we took for granted.  They did not have Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, or Martin Luther King to offer them hope in their lives.  They have no reason to trust the adults in their lives because if they were not victimized they have a friend who was.  They certainly are not going to take a politician’s word for something when their actions are less than genuine and they watched their mom’s work two or sometimes three jobs because they were not paid the wage that their Dad’s were.

They were not bought off as Mitt Romney said with “free birth control” but they have seen too much disingenuous behavior in adults in their lives to be bamboozled by less than genuine politicians. Many of them have no reason to any longer fall for the charismatic who will lie to them.  When abuse was not a part of their life they grew up with the ability to express themselves.

The fortunate ones had parents who encouraged them because they had parents who did or are doing a better job of instilling morality in the next generations than our parents or we did, so the young amongst us who are our future, do recognize the lack of words matching the actions in those who would lead us. It is way past time that we, just as the youth vote does, demand proof of the genuine actions of our politicians to hear us the American Public, and to act as our leaders over lying to us. If the Republican Party continues to fail to understand that their behavior and performance has been exposed and has come out failing,  they will continue to lose elections.

When the Republican Party learns to run legitimate candidates who are genuine in their words matching their actions, then the Grand Old Party will return fully vindicated of its past history and will again be representative of the needs of the people. Talking about it will prove nothing when the conversations are about play acting warm and fuzzy feelings or concerns for the middle class,women, and minorities but their actions taken, prove otherwise.   They cannot deny the voters the truth when their own votes, platform,voter suppression, and actions betray them as less than genuine, nor will it win them votes of the American people.

When the Republicans refuse to accept genuine actions speak to the heart of the youth vote and those votes that they are accustomed of getting, are the votes of the dying generations, then they must change their own actions or become distinct along with the dinosaurs. Unlike those of our generation and before, young people do not buy into the belief that a candidate is a “Nice Young Man”, nor do they vote the way they are told to vote.

Todays’ young people grew up on the internet and are much more likely to check  out the voting records of the candidates  against  their campaign speeches. Bullshippers in politics are on their way out with tomorrow’s voters. The Republicans need much more than empty words or the Hispanic vote in their corner and in most cases, they are assuming that the Hispanics have a short memory and are not computer savvy as well.  No one takes the privilege of voting more seriously than an immigrant, denied.

I wish all of us the appreciation of having genuine people in our lives who surround us this Holiday Season.  May we all be so Blessed as to attract the same with our own honesty while understanding the need of it in all of our own lives. The Holiday Season is not about making comparisons with our neighbors, but about taking pride in the generosity of the American spirit that we helped inspire, while embracing those of us who express the truth of that same spirit.  Celebrate the genuine goodness in all of us by giving of ourselves to what ever Religious or Spiritual belief we hold dear, or as a sign of our genuine love expressed, and give what we can spare to the less fortunate, as a reminder of the real purpose of this Holiday Season.  God bless us all!

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When was the last time or have we ever taken a hard look at ourselves?  Many felt that candidate Mitt Romney defeated himself in the election because we really did not know the person, Mitt Romney, when his conversations in private were opposite of his public conversation. The young Tea Party members are expressing the fact that they need to be more inclusive of all Americans and talk about it.  Does conversation on a level of rhetoric convince any of us when the actions through their votes deny the same? When Congress holds the middle class hostage as they have for thirty years, in order to make certain the wealthy gain instead, will we believe that they care about all Americans?

Isn’t this true about many of us, in that our conversations are many times opposite of our actions? How inclusive are we in our actions?  When I first moved into the Rural areas or took a new job, and I still find it to be true, many of the people I met were so busy asking me questions about myself, while they failed to tell me much of anything about who they were or are.

When couples meet for the first time many times women will tell men much more about themselves than what men will tell about themselves. Many time a majority of men will talk about what jobs they are studying for or hope to get or they hold,hiking,sports,hunting,fishing,women,working out,or any other subject that does not reveal themselves long before they will reveal personal information about themselves.

In the heading about myself on this blog I reveal nothing about myself but state I prefer to let others define me because in writing anything, we will reveal ourselves.  Too often people will go into denial about the person they feel  they are before they will take an honest look at themselves. Many times if we ask what their belief or philosophies are on important issues of the day, we will many times get back a blank stare before we will get an answer.   Other times we hear, “I really am not interested in that,” “that kind of stuff just makes my mind go numb,” or “I haven’t got a clue about what you are talking about.”  Too many people fail to realize that we should at very least take time out to reflect or know our own philosophy on life in order to understand the person that we truly are and embrace.

If we fail to understand our own belief system and the triggers in our own life, that makes us understand why we react to the outside stimulus of life the way we do, then we too many times will spend a lifetime judging others according to standards we do not practice in our own lives.  Many times we will live beyond our means and makes excuses as to why we do or look down our noses at those who do with less and find much more happiness in life than we do.  Having the courage to look at ourselves on an honest level of really knowing and embracing the person who lives inside of us is what makes us find the joy that we seek.

When our own behavior defies the reality of the person that we are, we leave others feeling as though we are a misguided individual, or brain washed by Society or other people’s philosophy, while we have no clue as to what it is that we truly do embrace.  The 2010 election was a perfect example as to how quickly what we knew about our President Barack Obama, could be turned on lies both against him and against Obama care.  It took too many to finally realize that is was not our President who changed his commitments to us but the lies that we accepted as truth, that turn our views on him.  In the end he won because we recognized that his words matched his actions and as a leader he would fight for our rights.

When we fail to know ourselves then we too many times can be led in life by people who prey on our vulnerability. If we have to ask,”Why am I always attracted to people who are not good for me?” then it is time we discover for ourselves why we have to ask,”Why are we always attracted to the same and what are the triggers in me that makes me continually repeat the same mistakes?” Our friends will make excuses for us and so will our family say things such as,”You are just to kind or trustworthy”, or other answers that actually make us feel better about being attracted to those who prey on us.” When we do not get an honest answer but buy into what others tell us, we keep repeating the same mistakes.

When we learn more about ourselves we often find that we have an irrational need to be needed,or to be made whole by someone else,or there is an insecurity in ourselves that can only be made to feel better by attracting or gathering those who we feel are inferior to us.  When we believe we are better than those who we attract too many times we feed our own false ego in the process. The difference between confident people and insecure people is: that those who do know themselves understand their own weaknesses and strengths and their lives indicate that they live according to their own philosophy of self, over that which has been defined by others.  When I tell my readers that I would rather be defined by others, it is because I am confident in the person that I am and yet aware enough that even with that, people will define me anyway.

It is when we can change and alter our actions according to the words that we speak that we do become the person we want to be.  We do not have one set of standards for ourselves, while holding another set of standards for the clique’s,or the job that we work or the group that we hang with during our free time. When we are true to ourselves then we are true to others as well.

Many times in life we are given tests, or run into road blocks in life, or even marry people that we had no business of marrying.  If we do not reflect on ourselves and what our own tolerances or rejections in life are all about, then too often we will go into denial about the person we are.  We need a clarity of why we react and why we need to fill an emptiness in ourselves with that which is bad for us.  If we do not understand ourselves It will exhibit itself in all kinds of judgement calls against others,acceptance of what we intellectually know and understand to be destructive but we will choose it anyway, and leave us in a state of confusion to the point that we can be led by undesirables.

We heard the word hypocrisy expressed many times during the election year because we did not feel that the candidates spoke on the truth of their own lives and how they have voted or spoken in the past. Too many times the candidates had one set of rules for others while having another set for us, when their own actions betrayed their own words.

When people criticize those who have affairs and gossip about it around the coolers or our coffee table, it is not all that unusual that they themselves have had affairs or will have in the future.  Many times the idea of the same has been entertained, at least in their minds, and by downgrading others that have had affairs, they often feel safe in the words that they speak. This is true about many other things that we tear apart in others as we too often fear,”But for the Grace of God there go I.”

Many of us can and do find hypocrisy in people who will malign others regardless of the conversation because we do know and understand our own strengths and weaknesses, and find gossip such a waste of the precious time each of us are allotted in life.  I personally am bored by such talk because I want to know you and what is your banner that you promote and stand for, or will fight for, and what it is about you that is special.

Each of us,regardless of what others think about us,will find that we are uniquely an individual that is special in an area of expertise that makes us the way we are.  We will also often discover that much of what made us think we knew better than others, is our weak point.  When we know ourselves we leave behind so much of the waste and the distractions that separates us from the joy,that we feel in knowing we are our own person and much stronger and competent that we believed ourselves to be in some cases and in other cases we find a total humbling experience.

Either way it is in knowing ourselves we will not only do what is best for us but we will also do what is best for everyone else as well.  When our actions match our words we do not tolerate bigots nor do we reject the equal rights of others but instead we become more inclusive of the understanding that we are all working towards the same goals in our lives.  Happiness often comes at a price and if we do not seek it through hard work and honesty of self, we often find that we fail it instead of it failing us.

I wish all of us a clarity of self this Holiday Season because we do know and understand that our limits range from the amount we can afford to spend on gifts to the amount of triggers in us that causes us to be upset by other’s rude behavior and words.  It is not wrong to discover sometimes, that it is time to throw the bums out of our lives, and to embrace the Independence in ourselves that makes all of us strong enough to carry the crosses we are asked to bear.  We must understand at the same time, there are triggers in us that causes bad reactions in others and work towards changing those triggers in ourselves, as well.May we all have a Blessed Holiday Season and a Happy New Year!

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