Posts Tagged ‘gratitude’

For those who missed it, the above title is a sigh.  The Thanksgiving meal has become a recent memory and the turkey an ugly carcass and the next Holiday meal with all the trimmings will be fixed by my son-in-law and daughter while I spoil those terrific grandsons of our’s.

I have the Holiday gifts purchased wrapped and mailed, and I am down to charitable giving.  We purchased the car that we will be revisiting America in while we travel both Canada and the U.S.A. My husband is a tall man so it is always a challenge to find something that is tall enough to give him the head and leg room he needs, that is comfortable for me, and that I no longer have to use a running board to step on to pull myself into the vehicle.

Lucky me that the market is flooded with Japanese and Korean vehicles that are made for the 5 foot 8  or under people and the taller Americans appear to get the smaller American sedans appear to become, due to all the added technology.   We have never purchased a vehicle not made in the U.S.A., and probably never will.  The only vehicle that fit our qualifications was the Mercedes-Benz SUV.

The American-made pick ups,suv’s, and custom vans fit my husband’s size and we have had our share of them, but they require me to step on a footstool or to swing my leg up on the running board and then to pull myself up and I am  hurting before I even leave home, since my health problem is as compounded in the arms as it is the legs. We feel somewhat justified buying the Mercedes since it is made in Alabama, and you do what needs to be done.

Some people on the internet and Facebook, that seem to think it their job, have done their number on degrading the Chevy Volt, that was one vehicle that caught on fire when it was put through rigorous test results that would not happen with normal driving, and the Mercedes-Benz SUV because 8,700 vehicles had their floor mats recalled because of the potential of it sticking under the gas pedal.

I have no idea what drives people to downgrade others who have their best interests at heart, much less vehicles, but the Chevy Volt even got a dressing down by the Fox news panel even though it is the model other Countries are copying in order to catch up with its technology. It is almost impossible to get lost,killed, or bored in today’s fully loaded vehicles if we follow the speed limits, do not get caught in a pile up due to bad drivers and weather, or do not meet drunk drivers, regardless of where they are made.

I need to send out very few Christmas cards yet and the decorations and the lights were up and went on Thanksgiving night. We needed to stay at the Kids’ house as it was their turn for the other side of the Family for Thanksgiving, and we bought the SUV across the river from where they live but a distance from our own home.  My husband got sick from shell-fish and we were grateful that they extended us the offer.  Their cats were as well and they got a nice airing out of it.

It was a delight to see their tree up and lights strung as well.  I learned years ago that the weeks before Thanksgiving run as good of sales as the stores do after Thanksgiving,because often they need to attract buyers worse before Thanksgiving than they do after.  Any time I can get 40% off across the board and not fight the crowds or stand in line, it is worth shopping early. I understand that many wait for their bonus but since I pay my credit card off during the year I do not feel bad paying a little interests until the bonus is paid.

The Christmas Season or Holiday Season has always been my favorite time of year.  If I stay away from the grumpy or harassed Christmas shoppers who are shopping on Black Friday or the last-minute, I never have to see the dark side of the Holidays.  The generosity of the majority of Americans shown during the Holiday Season is always amazing and almost magical to me.  It is not an easy task to remember all those who we share our thoughts,prayers,cash, and gifts with during the Season.  When we add the meals and goodies anyone who can, do, and we see the best of mankind all around us, how can we not be inspired by the graciousness of the American people? Why anyone would resent or hate the Season is beyond me, but many do.

The complainers totally over look the generous spirit of the Christmas Season and instead complain that Christmas has become too commercial. Those who are members of a Religion, such as The 7th Day of Adventist, even refer to the mention of Santa as being sinful and deny all mention of his name in their home,totally disregarding the fact that Santa comes from the name of Saint Nickolas who was admired for his spirit of giving.  Children in these Religions are never able to celebrate beyond attending Church and being reminded of the Christ child. I do not criticize those who truly believe as they do or their right to do so.

My own personal experience with the complainers has not been so much that they  themselves resented giving as it was that they felt cheated on the Holidays when they were children,felt to give to children meant they would be spoiled and lose the meaning of Christmas, felt they should be receiving and not giving to their children,were too drunk on alcohol or drugged out to care, or felt giving to children left their bank accounts lower.

I understand the difficulty of the Season if we have lost a loved one since the memories of past Holidays can sadden all of us, if they are all alone, do not have a job, or cannot afford to buy the gift the children want from Santa, but often times these are not the people who chronically complain about the Holidays. Many of them learn to seek out others who share their pain or learn the healing power of bringing joy to others brings to them. Others are also the grateful ones, since they end up on the receiving line of American generosity just as our family members do, when they too will accept the love given at Christmas time. I grew up under the roof with one of the chronic complainers at Christmas time and I was determined to reverse the cycle by compensating for my loss by being generous instead.

We, who love the Season, are all driven by some time or memory of our own or by our spiritual beliefs of Christ’s birth to do a little extra for those we sometimes spend too much time forgetting during the rest of the year.  I know people who will leave their Christmas lights up year around as a reminder to themselves to treat others the same during the year, as they do during the Holiday Season. Some people keep their decorations up until their loved ones return home from military duty. Others work in soup Kitchens while others deliver packages to those who have not fared as well during the year. The joy on the children’s faces are thanks enough to those of us who share our good fortune with others during the Holiday Season.  Neighbors often bring baked goodies to the shut ins or sing Christmas carols each year,while others send or bring good will and cheer to those they have not seen or heard from, for years.

Even though I have been through many other Christmases, I am still touched by the magic that changes each of us, just for a while at least, when we remember why we celebrate the Holidays. Since no one knows for certain the real date of Christmas,some how, I do not feel like Christ minds too much when or how we celebrate the spirit of giving in His memory, since He instructed all of us to love each other and to love our neighbors as ourselves. Sadly, to often we need the Holidays to remember that which we should know all year; Just as much as we need to be reminded to be grateful for what we have, for our lives, and our loved ones.  If it takes commercial means to remind some that it isn’t the things that we buy but instead the spirit of giving out of love that we pass on to others in the form of a gift to cheer them, that matters,or it takes the same reminder to donate to worthy causes, is that really so bad?

As much as I love the Season I can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief knowing that most of my work of the Season has been completed and now I can stay inside for a while and enjoy the snow from our recent storm, light a fire if I feel like it, and listen to my favorite Christmas music. AHHhhhh!

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Too often I have heard throughout my lifetime, “It is not fair,” or “someone should do something about it,”or similar statements. We all know people who face the most tragic life’s lessons and still keep moving on without ever giving up, but too many of us refuse to accept or acknowledge the fact that there are others who suffer much worse hardships from our own.

There are those who believe,” that they need to do nothing to help others because they already get enough help” or “such and such is lucky” or “never had a problem in their lives.”  It has also been my experience that people who believe this are the first to react the most poorly when they chip a nail or break a heel off of their shoe or their car gets scratched or their tie begins to unravel.

The people who really learn the importance that we place on things is pretty shallow,are those who will be humbled in some way by life and learn from the experience when they do. It isn’t always fair and the suffering is often very real, but it is how we accept or deal with the tragedies of life, that is the real test of mankind.  We can always rebuild things and many times re-heal bodies but if we give up or curse others,the price we pay can and will lead to defeat. Even when we exhaust all possibilities there does come the day that we must accept our own limitations and embrace the factors that make us the person we are, the person we accept. Often times in life we are presented with  re-inventing a new way to live life to its best abilities without making comparisons in life.

I certainly am not suggesting that we do not grieve an important lost of a  home,job,or even health.  What I am saying is that the longer we dwell on the injustice of the same, the longer we ultimately pay a price much larger than what we ever should have had to pay.  When we look at others and say, “they are lucky,” too many times we are being unrealistic about the sacrifices they made in order to achieve their success or giving ourselves an excuse for the fact that we would rather quit, drink beer, or shop than make the sacrifices needed. When we recognize that no one escapes life without a few bruises and some heart ache we realize that the difference is in how they handle or recover from the lost, is what sometimes separates them from us.

The reality is, people who are willing to get back up and dust themselves off following failure or mistakes,which we all will face at some point or time in our lives, will succeed with each time they vow to come back better than ever.  It has to be there in action and without resentment or fear overcoming our determination to move on or to begin again. As long as we have people in our lives we all will either experience the just or unjust.

Anyone of us can be grateful when things are going our way, the difficult part is learning gratitude when we feel that our life is not, by seeking out what is good in our lives.  No one will ever experience a life where they do not have something or someone good in it, unless they flee from it or reject the idea or the person who does support them. Other times it is our own gift of determination and awareness that refuses to give up, that makes us get up and move on. It is when we waste time blaming others that we weaken our own chances to start over again. When we understand the lesson taught us we will reach gratitude in the process, even though our loss may seem insurmountable in the beginning.  Starting over can be the best thing we ever do, if we learn from our past. If we refuse to accept our own role in it, then too often we will fail. It is the price we pay that often becomes our best teacher in life and teaches us gratitude for the lessons learned.

Life often gets down to how we deal with the insignificant that too often gets blown out of proportion. Sometimes we do find people are in the right place at the right time but too often we refuse to accept that it is not a place that we would ever have traveled to or a job we would have wanted or were qualified for taking. People who base everything on the almighty dollar often fail to understand or appreciate the joy found around the table of a family who has food on the table or a person who is content with just having the people in their lives that they do.

Life for most of us is as rewarding as the lessons it teaches us and the price we pay for it. It is when we learn not to repeat the mistakes but to be grateful for the lessons learned that we become comfortable with what we accept as our own success. When we hear people complain that they just never got the breaks another person did, too many times it was under their own feet but they refused to take the next step or  make the right move that would have given them more.

People do determine their own goals early in life.  It does appear that some people make one mistake and pay for it all of their lives while others mess up all the time and end up a success.  We fail to see that each time the person messes up they often learn what will or wont work towards their own goals.  What made the difference is that they were not afraid to start all over again. We all have different ideas of what exactly success is;for some it is wealth but for many others it is being comfortable in their own body by giving more of themselves than what they took  in life.  A proud Father or Mother can find joy in the Children that become adults and in the way they repeat the lessons taught them.  Many will find a warm roof over their head a welcoming step that predicts the success of their lives.  As people we are not all looking for the same ideas or have the same beliefs, but whatever steps we take we have to be willing to learn from them.

What is happening with all the excuses and the blame being passed around in the Conservative movement as well as the Republican Party,following the election, is the same thing that makes them fail to understand their own mistakes.  Unless and until they accept the responsibility for their own failure to hear the majority of voters, they are bound to repeat their mistakes again and again. We can all take a lesson from their failure to take responsibility for accepting their own mistakes and their own out of touch sensibilities to the needs of the people.

My husband and I together began our lives in poverty with him being a student and my working towards paying his tuition right along with his working a part-time job.  What we had together, was an education and it is what opened the door that began our future towards retiring well.  We have been poor and we know how it feels to go without eating because there was no money nor anyone who we would accept help from, if it had been offered.  We had a great deal of pride and determination to achieve over what we had money in our pockets.

We have been lower middle class and upper middle class and will retire comfortably. It didn’t just happen without our going without along the way.  Even today I just buy enough clothes and shoes to cover me.  The biggest waste of money a couple will ever make is on clothing, despite this idea,” that we must dress for success.”  A few good pieces of clothing intermixed with other pieces is all that is really necessary, to “dress for success.” If we do make it to CEO or are CFO of  a large firm, where this makes a difference, the wardrobe will be compensatory in the wages, as well.

As my husband retires and we plan the next journey of our life I know personally that the places that we have lived and the things we have done will take their right of passage just as they indicate the sacrifices we were willing to make. The employers we had that rewarded hard work, parents who taught us how to live morally,and the schools we came from,all figure into the success that we worked for as well as the children we raised into adulthood, who will contribute to the success of their own lives.

We could never have accomplished what we did on our own, as it took finding an appreciative and grateful employer who was willing to reward our hard work.  It took me a lifetime of living with chronic physical pain, while accepting my own limitations but helping others with the problems in life they faced, and the two of us never giving up on our dream. It is about accepting the price we pay in life and not letting it get us down nor spending a moments notice on what someone else had.  As we drive away to explore the next journey in our lives and to once more view the great beauty of America and her people,I pray that we accept what lies around the corner just as we always have. Too many times we let bitterness replace the gratitude for the lessons we should have learned, for the price we paid in living. Be grateful everyone and have a great day!

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I have written many posts, at this point, on taking responsibility. My intention is to express to all, what we often find as fault or blame in others, can actually be as a result of a short coming, within ourselves.

I do not blame the victims or believe that anyone who is being mistreated should ever feel it is their fault. I simply want people to question,themselves, why they do tolerate such behavior and to find what changes they can make,to improve their own lives. Too often we never do ask ourselves what it is we can do or need to do, to improve our own lives. It is always easier to blame others than it is to look for or find solutions for ourselves.

As difficult as it is to accept,for some, the truth is that too many times we do become no different from robots, who go about our daily lives never questioning those who are controlling us or ourselves, if we have a strong urgency to control others, who do fine, without our need to control. We can become apathetic,indifferent,a bully, or too complacent or trusting with the people and power of the World that goes on around us, just as we can with ourselves.

If we simply follow routine, that we have slipped into and take programming from others in our lives, we can often wake up to discover, when the relationship ends, that we have taken too many people in our lives for granted or accepted too poor of a treatment,for ourselves.

As long as we insist that we do not care for politics or feel a need to vote, because we incorrectly think both parties are just alike,or we give our vote to another, without thought, we can often end up to discover the party that protects oil companies and big business is the same that allows Democracy to erode. We must always remember, for instance, that oil companies will and do control the politics of States where oil is King, such as Wyoming,Oklahoma and Texas.No different than what tourism is to Disneyland or Disney World.

If our daily life, ends up with our free time being limited by other’s recommendations or dedicated to the inter-net, some television and radio broadcasts that are not concerned with the truth or the news, but instead report slanted views, and we believe the lies that are often spread through the social media and paid ads, we can too often, end up believing lies over truth, not to mention, without having an original thought of our own.

Without educating ourselves, to the reality and truth over perceptions, the knowledge of which party or candidate will do the best job for us and the middle class,will be lost in ignorance or lies, when we do go to the polls and vote. When this happens it is sometimes ourselves, who are the most ill-equipped to vote,not to mention the most dangerous to Democracy.

It is easy to get caught up in our day-to-day habits and routine, to the point that we become lost to ourselves or perform as robots,never questioning the reality of what we are doing or hearing. The longer we do it the more accepting we become of things that do not make sense, when questioned.

It is not something that we are always aware of, in fact most of us do not even have a clue, until we do have trauma take place in our lives, and it forces us into acknowledging what we have accepted as truth, without questioning, a great deal of the time was merely perception, and does not even come close to being the truth.A for instance of that is, we commonly think modern medicine can cure anything until we get seriously ill, and the great majority of us are surprised at how little medicine does know about cause much less cure. Too many times, our own survival will depend on us being more honest and realistic, when dealing with our own lives.

We cannot blame those who we turned over control of our lives to, simply because we were taking comfort in our own lifestyle or stressing over what had very little real significance,in comparison to where our priorities needed to be, in our own lives, much less in the Democracy of America. We need to remain alert to both past and present history, both in ourselves and our own behavior, as well as in the world, that goes on around us.

I doubt, many of us would or could argue, that if we showed as little interests in our jobs or our families, who we have been Blessed with to guide, as we do in the maintenance of Democracy, we would not be at our current job or a reputable member of our family, for long.

Just as we need to stay on our toes, when it comes to the needs of our friends and family, we also need to be aware of how our own behavior affects those we profess to love, as well as, what happens in the World around us. When we fail to keep up with ourselves and our own needs and behavior, we often fail to keep up with the needs of those around us, as well.

We need to be comfortable in the knowledge, we gain, that our own vote just as our own behavior, can and will safeguard the equality as well as the quality of life for all of us, who do embrace freedom. If we fail to appreciate that those we love the most, ourselves included, can be a statistic tomorrow, we often risk the fact that we will deny our own freedom, when others start talking about changing the Constitution to deny others their rights.

It is too easy to think that as long as we are not complaining then those that we love do not have complaints either. If we are busy shopping and hiding the receipts from our spouses, we fail to realize the short high, that we receive, is often the long misery that they receive, when it comes to balancing the budget.

When we constantly sacrifice while our spouse spends or does nothing but argue with us or dismiss our efforts, we are not so content either.Just as we cannot continue to elect politicians who refuse to do anything for the American people, because the other Party may win. We can too many times go back to the fox guarding the hen-house when we refuse to educate ourselves, both in the future needs of our families as well as our Country.

When we all develop the attitude that we, each, are much more than a robot and the risk of both our family as well as American’s Democracy rests on the shoulders of individuals, we will prove we are all reliable to the rest of the World.We owe all those, who look to us for freedom, the responsibility of maintaining Democracy, by putting as much effort into, “Freedom for All”, as we do into our own families.

It needs to be both our goal as well as our priority to know the differences between each candidate and party,including the Tea Party, before we vote. Democracy as well as the survival of our government,of “We the People,” in America and around the World, depends on it.

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This post is going to relate to my own interpretation of joy and happiness as I have experienced it, as most of my posts do.I’m sure many an expert will disagree with points that I make, but in the end, I have come to appreciate that none of us can base our own lives on what someone else thinks, but instead on what we know to be true.

I have never felt the need to discriminate against anyone, once I matured into an adult.As a result,I have been befriended by both the wealthy and the poor, as well as,different belief systems, genders and races, and I find what is true with one of us, is true about all of us.

We are all looking for happiness and contentment, in life. Many of us who have children will put their happiness first, until it does dawn on us that the things we buy for ourselves or our children, have a very short shelf life.

If we do not change our direction in thinking, “buying makes us happy,” too many times, we will resent our own children or others, that we buy for,because they lack appreciation. Even when we know that the problem is our own spending habits and we are going broke,doing so, some of us will need to learn. “We don’t always get our cake and eat it too.”.We need to understand that people who wish to do for themselves,will resent our continuous need to make ourselves feel better,at their expense, because many times in our need to buy, we only make them feel obligated to us.

It is the things that we do as well as the words we use to express our feelings towards others that, often times, brings happiness to both of us. Just a smile to a stranger, can many times turn the direction of both of our days. When we choose to smile back we share our own happiness with them.

I had been spending a great deal of my time with a wealthy person in my youth, so when the person who showed up in my life, neither had her front teeth and the sole on her shoe, was loose, the first thing that was most obvious to me, was how happy she was living such an uncomplicated life.

After having listened to the wealthy complain about having to attend another, “black tie,” function, that she was dreading attending, but worried she would be shunned if she did not, it was such a breath of fresh air to spend time with the woman, who had raised her family, and did not have a care in the world. She was retired living primarily on her social security check, but since she enjoyed good health and neither wanted or needed much, her life was her own. She was content and settled with her poverty and peace of mind.

In my estimation, all human beings are made up of the body the mind and the soul, or if you prefer,our mental,physical and spiritual well-being. When we over-balance attention to another and neglect the other, we feel restless or discontent with ourselves. If we tune into our own feelings, we will not turn the negatives that we feel within ourselves onto others.

People who have learned to express themselves through crafts,art, or creative talent can bring peace to their mental well-being but if we never deal with the problem that drives us to be unhappy, we only delay the root of the problem.We need to get to the bottom of what it is that truly is upsetting us, since we need to give equal attention to the balance of our physical,spiritual and mental parts. In short we place a band-aid on an arterial bleed that needs to be sewn shut, if we only live for the minute or the short time, without healing our own pain or looking for happiness that we can trust.

As I have mentioned in past posts, too often, the victims will feel guilt or the victimizers will pass blame.When we have been traumatized, we need to talk about it and heal it, with those who can help us. If we neither confront the truth and heal it, we deny ourselves happiness.No one can make us happy if we are ready to accept being miserable nor can we be happy unless we are happy with ourselves.

Plenty of people can interfere with our own happiness, if we allow them to, but no one but ourselves,can make us happy.No one is responsible for our seeking happiness and unless we do, we will too many times blame others, when we are not happy. Once we do establish happiness with ourselves then people in our lives can either add to or subtract from it, because we have let their emotions or upsets affect how we view or accept life.

Happiness is more than just an attitude. It is what comes from inside of us so that we live and breathe it, while sharing it with others. If we find it is impossible to maintain our own happiness,without using alcohol,drugs,out working everyone else in an effort to avoid our home, or buying things, then we do need to evaluate the reasons why, we are not making the changes that will and do lead to our own happiness.

Sometimes it can be the negative crowd or group, we hang with. We do, too many times, become like the people we surround ourselves with. Sometimes it is because we do not feel good, and we cannot feel that any of us are going to feel good, when we feel physically,mentally, or spiritually, rotten.

When we know that we are a worse person with others, because we lower our own mental and spiritual well-being,in an effort to be included or fit in, we are not going to be happy, unless we do make the changes that will lead to becoming the person we wish to be.

When we over-look the truth and surround ourselves in denial, then we also are not being realistic about our own happiness. Perhaps we are the leader of the bunch, when it comes to a joyless group. We won’t know unless we try to change the direction within the group,first.

Many times, we will find it is our own lack of happiness that is spreading over all of the group. When we laugh because we are happy, they many times will laugh with us. However if they are laughing at us, then we can be certain, that we are not the leader.

The mean-spirited will always believe those who are hurt or get hurt as a result of their words or actions, are just too sensitive, so why do we stay? Happiness is a habit that is very real and is part of who we are. We find it within ourselves. We do not shove it onto others. We do not use it to judge others. We wake up with it and take it to bed with us. It lives within us when we are happy being the person we are.

We find happiness in children, who live in the present, because they can trust Mom and Dad to take care of everything. Happiness brings us back to the present, because we don’t have to worry about what we are going to do, as we already know our strengths and weaknesses.

We know or are reasonably certain, that we will react or respond according to a good day or a poor day, and as a result of how we are feeling about, ourselves. We know it all may change tomorrow but when or if it does, we can trust ourselves just like we always have before, because a Power higher than us has the last word. Happiness is truly all about feeling good about who we are and trusting our motives, as well as our love, without finding fault and blame in others.

Everyone else in our life are the extras who bring us joy or sometimes disappointment, if we incorrectly assume anything about them or try to control them. We have learned that not all relationships are meant to last. We don’t worry so much who will be there for us because we have provided, as well as, possible for our own needs.

We miss you but understand our differences were too great to over come, for one of us if not both of us, or we understand that our lives were intended to take a different path or the Dear Lord was ready for you. We have grieved and healed from the lost, and understand that we only get to live this life once so we put in the hard work to live happy!It begins with one step at a time, towards changing ourselves.

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Regardless of our age it is always important that we take out time to review our own lives. Too often we can get caught up into the “poor Me’ syndrome or cycle, and it is years later before we are even aware of the fact that we have gotten stuck there.

Negativity can be especially common in the lives of us who have had trauma or lost and we remain in denial instead of dealing with the grieving process.If we grow up in negativity, we often become comfortable living with it to a point that joy actually can frighten us.

We often know how to deal with life when things are going wrong but do not have a clue of how we should respond to things going right, in our life. Some of us will even find a need to apologize for being happy when those around us are struggling. Other times people will become so uncomfortable with things working out they will feel guilt or create a problem that leads to bad results, just to get that old familiar feeling of things going wrong back into their lives.

It is not uncommon that children will grow into adults thinking that if we are not arguing then we are not loved,since it has been so much a part of our life when we were younger.Both men and women, who come out of homes, where the parents stayed together and argued all of their natural life, will adapt to the thinking that if they argue with me, then they still care about me.

In other homes where we experienced a great deal of arguing and our parents divorced, following heated arguments, couples often times will refuse to even discuss their problems or disagree when they should. Too many times arguments will mean both the signal of divorce to both our children as well as ourselves.

Couples who discuss their differences,and we all have them, are not always going to remember to keep our voices down, as the act of yelling makes all of us feel that we have control over the conversation or the person we are disagreeing with,even though there is not truth in it. Yelling simply causes others to be intimidated or relieves stress in us. Yelling is actually a sign of the loss of control over our own behavior.

If we never ask ourselves, what role we play, in what our problems are and what led us to become so negative,but instead always find it easier to blame others, we will often find that sadness,anger, and excuses or an escape to “fantasy land” have become an old companion of our’s while we have been looking at the faults of others. We have simply transferred our own poor behavior onto those closest to us, in some instances.

When we are in our 20’s, we think we have the answers for everything and then we reach our thirties and think we finally understand, who we are, and that is true only if or when we compare ourselves to our twenties. We never really know who we are, if we never question our own motives and the reasons behind our responses or behavior,to people or life. When we review ourselves, while leaving others out of the self-examination entirely, regardless of what age we are, we can become more tuned into what makes us tick.

There is no magic moment, regardless of what age we are, until we can be and are brutally honest with ourselves in understanding what does make us act or react to stimulus of both people and life. We can be any age when we do discover ourself.

It is often brought on by our own health problems or trauma in our lives. When we reach the point our blood pressure is going out of control or we feel reality is slipping away from us, entirely, many will get help then, but in some cases the damage is already done to the psychics of those we have neglected and are responsible for, since we have been confused ourselves.

Too many of us will escape into denial, before we will confront ourselves, in full and complete honesty. Many times if we are going to quit making the same mistake over and over again, we will need to confront ourselves, for our own peace of mind,if nothing else. If we freeze up,out of denial or fear,because we are afraid of repeating the same mistake, then we never make any headway in life.

Confused parents or spouses do not make good spouses or parents, so there is much more at stake than just ourselves. Children never want all the things we buy for them nearly as much as they want our full attention and for us to be there for them. Confused parents are often lost in their own emotions or obsessions,instead of being the parent we want to be.The same is true with both husbands and wives.

We often hear of people’s lives flashing before their eyes on their deathbeds, because too many people do not want to confront what it is that makes them respond, either negatively or positively to life.Sadly if we wait until then, we have no time to correct our mistakes or to renew a healthier and more positive relationship with those who most of us would sacrifice our lives for. Those who truly love us will forgive us when we take time to show them that they can trust our love,some times, before we will forgive ourselves.

We may know our own likes and dislikes better, later in life, but too often we are still apt to go into denial until we do confront ourselves, regardless of our age. If we only see what causes us to react to life and still see the problem as our spouse,parent,or a hectic day at work or with the kids, we never do get that second chance that we all deserve, to explain to ourselves. Usually we have been our own worse judge and jury and we owe it to both ourselves to know why we did what we did, as well as to our children or loved ones.

I’m not suggesting that we blame ourselves for every problem, as too often, too many people will do that,as it is.Sadly, just as many will excuse themselves of everything when it is their own life, that is falling apart, just as well. Where some people will live their lives in denial others will take the blame for everything.

This is not uncommon in families, where children were held responsible for keeping another sibling, as well as themselves in line, before we were even able to understand the rules fully,ourselves. Other times it occurs when there is no guidance or rules for a child to follow.

We all need to understand what it is that does make us vulnerable towards repeating the mistakes of the past so that we can let go of both our obsessions as well as our anxiety and begin enjoying life instead of dreading it.

When we review our own lives we often find that those we blamed, the most, did not play a role in our own hate but became a part of the lie, we told ourselves, while hanging onto our own denial.Sometimes we maybe surprised to find that we have in truth, hated ourselves, while blaming another.

In understanding ourselves we heal at least 3 generations along with us, many times. To deny ourselves and our loved ones, this opportunity towards healing and reuniting, can be far worse than anything else we have done wrong to date.

It is many times a 15 minute exercise that most of us can do on our own during a quiet time, usually in the evening, when we ask ourselves what worked for me today and what didn’t. We also need to ask ourselves what did I do to change the direction today took, both positively and negatively, without the name of another person coming into the picture to blame while we make excuses for ourselves. From there we simply take it the direction it needs to go. If we are not making any progress because we are no longer able to recognize truth or work beyond a habit or obsession, then please ask for the help of those who will guide you.

Mankind was neither meant to lie or to hate and too often denial brings both with it,while doing harm to those we love most. It is never just as simple as “She or He did me wrong” or “After all he/she did to me, I am entitled to be a bitch or a jerk,” when we keep growing the list, and never see our own name on it, we have a problem that needs healing.

Nothing is more satisfying in life than finding peace of mind and the satisfaction of waking up and feeling joy, on a daily basis. On the other hand, nothing is more troubling or painful than waking up hating a new day and making those that we love,fear us or being continually at unrest or confused,ourselves.We have no one to blame but ourselves, if we refuse to look for and find our own happiness. I can’t imagine living life being any other way, nor would I want anyone I know to ask for less.The good news is our loved ones feel the same about us, when we both give and receive unconditional love.

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The people in our lives who never want to be bothered by others are usually the same who are bothered by everything. If they hold a job, which some never do while others never keep a job, those who do come home grab a beer or the Nintendo or Wii and start playing. Other times when they come home from the job, they grab a six-pack,several glasses of wine, or several drinks, turn on the television and spend the rest of the night in front of it, until they either fall asleep,sometimes in a stupor, in the chair or go to bed.The family will dish him/her up a plate of food and bring it to them. They never ask for or question what their spouse or children did during the day,because they have enough problems of their own, and simply do not want to be bothered.

When they are adult children; they will sleep until the afternoon get up and grab something to eat, and watch the soaps, and then the women will get ready to go out and shop,on Dad’s or Mom’s credit card, while the guys usually play video games and then both will go out to cruise the bars,casinos, or clubs, much later, again on the cash from Mom and Dad.

We see this more times in fathers who grew up as sons,being waited on by the women of the family, but it can be just as common in women. Both can and do apply to men and women who were never asked to do anything when it came to taking responsibility for their own rooms, much less, help out with the upkeep of the lawn,laundry,balancing the budget,cooking, or in the upkeep of the house, because Mom always did it. It is always much more difficult to teach children to take responsibility in a home than it is to do it ourselves, according to our own standards, and that is why they grow up to become adults who do not want to be bothered by anything.

Many times our own lack of ambition or that of our spouse, will spread onto our children who will repeat the same sloth like existence. This type of personality, often, pat themselves on their own back, as to how nothing ever bothers them and how easy-going they are, even though everyone else living with them are continuously stressed out and under pressure.

It does not take a rocket scientist to understand, all of the work and stress of keeping up the bills,the house,our children, and the lawn falls on the shoulders of the spouses or parents, if they are old enough to be out of the house on their own or holding down a job, but instead are remaining at home to be both supported and waited on by their parent or parents.It has not and will it ever occur to people, who do not take responsibility for their own lives, that it is much easier to be easy-going, when someone else is taking care of our responsibility.

In some Christian homes women are taught the men work to support them and the family, all day, so it is the women’s job to wait on the men and make certain they are kept content and happy when they return home at night. It is the job of the wife to make sure the children are well-disciplined and kept both away from their fathers, and even in some cases out of their sight, so that the man of the house is not bothered by their noise and racket. Fathers are entitled to relax and to enjoy their peace and quiet when they return home from a stressful day of work. They should not be bothered by the wife’s complaints or conversation nor by their own children.

The pathetic thing about treating adults so that they will not be bothered, is that many times when their children grow up they do become the generation most threatened by drugs and alcohol.They feel that they were both unloved and unwanted by their fathers,and why shouldn’t they feel that way?When adult children or adult men and women, do not want to be bothered by responsibility, they too, will turn to drug and alcohol to numb their own sense of worthlessness.

The great majority of mankind do find our own sense of importance from what we achieve in life. The older we get,having achieved nothing, the more cheated, we feel when we were never taught to be self-sufficient. The dysfunction that existed in the family homes, made the children feel,justifiably so, as a burden to their fathers or their mothers when they were told they should not bother mom or dad,as well.

A child does not, nor should they ever have to understand, why just being themselves, is a bother to their parents.When everything bothers us as an adult we will find out, that no one will be around to bother us, later. Being generous with our money does not equal love or parenting.

When the self-appointed-martyred parents or wife pass on, and no one is left to wait on these adult children or husbands,they will find that no one else will be as eager,naive or stupid to do so. If we were not there for our children, it is fairly certain that our children will not be there for us when they grow up,either.When we teach them that we will wait on them until they find a spouse to take our place,we teach them that they are not worth the bother, of our time or efforts, to parent them so that they can and will grow up to achieve their own purpose or success in life.

We parents do need to know that raising children always has been and always will be about,”Pay now or Pay later.” No generation can or will change the responsibility of parent to child and not come out the winner or the loser for having done the right or wrong thing by our children. We need to know, ourselves, what truly showing love, over not being bothered entails in the life of our own family.It is always different from one family to the next because we all have different personalities and value systems that we need to live by, and teach, through our own equal treatment of the same.

It has always been a disaster, to every marriage and family, when one person is left to take on all the responsibility of home and family while the others live a carefree existence in the home.Since jobs bring with it both a pay check and a 40 to 60 hour week but home life lasts 24/7 without a pay check or let up in the hours, the entire family needs to know how,when and where to assume responsibility.

It can be more difficult to live with the person, who appoints themselves or accepts total responsibility, to be the martyr, as it is to live with the person who does not want to be bothered. Neither brings peace or harmony to our homes or family.Equality in a home, where everyone takes on their own responsibility, will always bring about a more successful lifestyle for all who reside there, by freeing up the time and commitment of all of us. Equality of the genders can not go away unless, we ourselves, ask for or accept without question, injustice.

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In some homes across America there will always be that one family member, who is often times, the most spoiled or the most neglected. This member will always be the most loyal regardless of how they are treated. They ask very little of the family beyond being fed and watered once they receive their yearly or bi-yearly shots, and will many times give up their own life if called on, for the family. The return of the family to the home is always the most exciting part of the day, for them. They worship, usually one member of the family more, unless we are fortunate enough to find that special one, who chooses more than one family member to tag behind.

Some families can love this member to its grave and make sure they know they are special and others can leave them outdoors in the elements totally neglected or in a house where they bring shame on themselves, since they are forgotten, and have no place to relieve themselves except in the filth of the home.

If there is any other place that the extremes of humanity are shown,in such huge numbers in America, between good and bad, than with this family member, I’m not aware of where that exists. The cruelty against them can be so atrocious that it often will raise the ire of the public in a way that no others can. Other times people will be quick to call people,who show their love to this family member as silly or ridiculous,because of the affection they shower on them.

I am talking about the family dog,of course, but cats can receive the same treatment. Cats are less loyal,however, and will often choose two other families in the neighborhood to adopt who will feed them, incase their original family fails their expectations. Unless of course, we keep the cat indoors, at all times, and then they are more than content to run our households.A spoiled dog can also run a home, until or unless, we let them know that there is an alpha male or female living in the home and then they are more than glad to take orders and remain in their order of the wolf pack mentality, that still goes back in their instincts for years and years, before the family dog became domesticated.

It has been awhile since I have updated you on our faithful old companion, so I will update you now. Just to refresh everyone, in March of 2010, we went on a vacation and left him in the Veterinary kennel, where he has always stayed while we have been out-of-town in the past. They do an excellent job, and in the past he has always resigned himself to staying with them.

Whatever the reason, perhaps because we took vacation earlier in the year than usual and threw off his routine or because he was 13 years of age and suffering a little dementia, due to being older, no one knows why for sure. He refused to eat and suffered a nervous break down with our being gone.

We got back home just in the nick of time, to rescue him from his own self-imposed-victimzation. It was touch and go for a while but he made a full and quick recovery.He is a toy cocker spaniel and was purchased to be a companion for me, while I traveled. As is typical, many times,life is what happens while we are busy making plans and my health altered the traveling dog plans.

Despite that though, he has settled in to be both a good traveler when my husband and I take him with us as well as a super house dog. We have not been able to leave home without him for more than a couple of hours since his break down. As a result we have spent trips or vacations in some pretty seedy motel rooms when we travel East.The farther West we go, dogs are accepted as a member of the family, and people look at us strange if we even doubt if they will take dogs in some of the most upscale suites and penthouses.

The fact that our youngest daughter lives in Portland, Oregon, and we plan our longest vacations around seeing her or meeting her elsewhere on the Coast, it has not been too bad of a hinderance to have him with us.We worry of course,especially this year when we met our daughter in Reno and went on to the California Coast and wine Country, if the trip will be too hard on him.

He ended up making the trip better than my husband and I, and came back just as perky as ever. He fits in well with us as he has a little arthritis and is content to take a nap in his chair:)I am pleased to say that he is going on to his 15th year of life and still not suffering old age, beyond his ability to still enjoy life. So that is the long and short of the update of our other family member.

I hope you take out time, even if it is only a few minutes, as most dogs will understand that our time is sometimes limited, to appreciate and praise your other family member, today. Any of us who do own dogs and are able to give them the proper care do know and understand that the little critters return love on a magnanimous level, when we are able to give love.

If you can no longer care for your pet due to financial difficulties or health, then please make certain that you place them with someone who can. I cannot urge enough, the need to give food,water and love to these family members, who ask for so little and give back the best in all of us and more. Have them spayed and neutered and their shots kept updated, and if you cannot afford to, then contact your local humane or animal shelter, as many times they will be able to do it for you, for little or no cost.

Sorry about the public health message, but animal over-population to the point of feral dogs running wild in major cities,as well as, upsetting the balance of nature in rural areas is becoming a problem and will become more than just a nuisance, if we don’t make certain our beloved family members are treated in the way we need to accept is a must, for the animal population, and our Human children’s future safety.

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Although, I quote a great deal of cliché’s because they do ring true, who ever came up with,”Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” had to be one callous human being or had no reality based idea just how often verbal abuse can and does destroy relationships for life.

The greatest tragedy of all is that painful words used amongst children are often the number one cause of suicide amongst our young people. What children are doing to children with the use of derogatory words on their computers,cell phones,the school bus and the playground across America has risen to a new level of hate. That adults would stoop to the level of children when using the same words against their own children or others should sicken us all.

I’m always amazed when I hear mothers firing back words like”little Bitch” to their daughters or you “little bastard” to their sons and forgetting they are supposed to be the adult. Calling our daughters and sons names when it is our job to eliminate the name calling is a tragedy in more ways than one.

Even in the best of situations (if we can call it that) name calling is the one thing that women or children will never forget.When parents call their daughters little whore or slut or equally disturbing words there is never any taking the words back. The more childish we behave as adults with the name calling the more we are destroying the ability for a loved one to like us and the more damage we are doing to Society as a whole. Too often these words are being learned from parents and passed on to children.

Just as adults when the men we love or care about or our family members label us with name calling or claim we are worthless, it hurts, even when we are older. When abusers think we are just using the milder of names, there is no such thing, because under moments of high stress, if we are in the habit of name calling the worse of the worse will slip out. Words are like brands on cattle we can never take them back or remove them. All apologies will ring hollow in the ears of the verbally abused, for a lifetime.

Too many people seem to be clueless to the fact that loving each other is not the problem. Liking each other is a real struggle. The more we use words in the form of name calling or in other derogatory forms to try to end an argument the more we set ourselves up to destroy our relationships for life. Not only do we need to stop acting like children and quit using name calling as a response mechanism; our children need to be punished with cell phone or Wii removal for a period of time, or something that will cause a hardship in their lives the first time we hear the words of disrespect come out of their mouths. We can not expect our children to respect us or others, if we never teach respect.

If we are calling names ourselves then it is going to be tough for them to have any respect for us if we do it and punish them for it.”Do as I say not as I do,” has never worked and we only fool ourselves by thinking or saying,”this is my home and I can do anything I want,” or “as long as you live under my roof you will do as you are told.” Both phrases only convince them that we are either a bully or think they are stupid.

They know we not only have a moral obligation to raise our children to adulthood but a legal one as well. If our children are still living at home after they are old enough to be on their own it only tells them that we will never force them out anyway, regardless of how they speak to us.

Verbal abuse is one of the hardest forms of abuse to defend against. When we allow ourselves to stoop to the level of children by name calling we destroy the respect of our children many times for life.No different than husbands and wives do when they do the same thing.

We give to and sacrifice for our children because we love them and want to give to them,in many cases, but another well-worn phrase that means nothing to our children is,”after all the things that I have done for you.” Children are about as manipulative as they come and they get smarter every year. They also understand that if they tell us that such and such has and I don’t have…..a great deal of what we will buy for them, is many times purchased to stop the child from whining,to gain our children’s love,to make ourselves look good,to compete with our friends, or simply that they won when they got what they wanted because we were too stupid (in their minds) to know we were being played by them.

Too many people just form the idea that our children are rebelling and do not bother to do anything about it. Yes if we have done our jobs and taught them to be self-sufficient and then turn around and treat them like babies or if we haven’t done our jobs, teenagers will rebel. What too many parents do not understand is there is almost always a reason for those bad moods as well. We need to get to the bottom of why the outbursts are becoming more and more frequent. Parents who withdraw during this time of their children’s’ life thinking what ever it is they are just going to have to work it out for themselves because they are adults now, can make or break the difference in the lives of their child.

“Our children need to know we trust them,” is the most ridiculous response we can give to rebellion.What they really need to know is they have a parent in their life who gives a damn if they do make a mistake. Many times they are going through the worse struggles of their lifetimes and there will never be any time in their lives that they will need their parents more than during this time. They need our ability to guide them when they are in doubt or do not have the capacity to work themselves out of the mess they may have gotten themselves into,still often after they leave home, but definitely while they are still at home.

We must make them know we are approachable and welcome them in our lives. If we offer both a refrigerator filled with Coke or Pepsi and a private place for them to gather they will many times make our homes their “crash Pads”(sorry that is an old 60’s phrase). Other times if we are up when they come home they many times will want to talk if they know we are accessible and we are playing the adult role expected of parents.

They all have friends what they really need are parents.I do understand the difficulty of getting them to talk, sometimes is like trying to have a conversation with a porcupine, but reaching out to them at this time in their lives will often spell the difference between success or failure in their lives.If we are ever going to be the grown ups it is never more important than this time of their lives.

If we are childish enough to call them names or go after them on attack they will be at their friends houses getting the advice, many times, that will be the last thing we want them to be getting. Like for instance,” have another beer or do you want a smoke before you leave?” Our children only bring their nicest friends around to meet us. Those that they know we will never approve of but who have the connections to the”good times” are the ones we never meet.

We parents need to reach out and offer understanding during the teen years as well as be on our toes full-time as to where they are hanging out and who they are spending time with. When we do find out we need to ask questions in regards to what their thoughts are in how they plan on handling a situation and ask them if we can offer a little imput to the situation. When we go in with all barrels drawn on the attack and stinging them with name calling we will never be part of this important time of their lives.

I repeat that both children and sometimes adults, become what we say they are. The more positive you/we are towards our/your children and wives the more positive they will be in return and it works the same with negativity. Call your daughters or wife a whore and they will often prove you correct, regardless of what age they are.For all of us adults who do not already know and understand this, many times it is the person who is having the affair that yells foul the fastest and the loudest.

If we refuse to grow up our children will do the same. They are faced with so many mixed emotions as in one way they cannot wait until they leave home and in another they wouldn’t mind being a child for a lifetime if we have been generous to them while they were growing up. We have already had our chance and now its time we be the grown up who guides the family through the storm. When we guide them through the toughest parts of adolescence and their young adult years so they become the people they were meant to be,it will be the best journey we ever take when the grandchildren are placed in our arms.

(If this subject matter sounds familiar it is because I have written on it several times in the past. I will continue doing so until I quit hearing Parents say,”What can we do? They are teenagers,” Next to the new-born stages they are the most important years of our child’s development, in my opinion. Good Luck and enjoy the humbling experience they teach us all.)

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Too many of us fail to follow our own instincts when we know that something is not quite right or when something will work. If we would train ourselves, to trust our instincts, we would sometimes do better in life.

Our own instincts go into high alert when danger is near by. In many ways we are not that far removed from the wild, as animals are. Just as their ears perk and they stomp, when danger is near by, we also sense that same foreboding. Our hearts will race a little and we need to train our attention towards our surroundings and to go on high alert as well. We need to learn to trust and rely on our own instincts more than we do. Too many of us just dismiss them and go along willingly. It is often times a sense of fatalism on our parts that takes over and does make us give in. Many of us mistake the warning or alerts for,”I knew this was going to happen” and instead succumb to them.Other times we think I must just be dreaming or imagining things.

If it is not typical behavior for us to imagine things or to hear things then we need to trust those instincts, more clearly. We cannot live our lives on our instincts alone, although some do. We do need to mix in a little common sense. For instance if we live in the plains and have a fear of heights we do need to either determine if we are going to test our limits by getting over the fear or if we are just going to accept that our fear of heights is real and stay away from cliffs and mountain tops.

If everything makes us afraid then we do need professional help to sort out when our instincts are real or if we are suffering from Anxiety, an Obsessive compulsive disorder or Post traumatic Stress or some other affliction, and get the help we need, so that we can learn to trust our instincts better as well as enjoy life more. I stress if fear or anxiety, is not common behavior for us, then we need to trust our instincts for what they are telling us.

I have always imagined that if I faced a dangerous situation, I would just freeze up, and go along but with age comes more understanding of who we are and a little more sense of our own reactions to life,sometimes. Carrying a cane gives me a new sense of hope as to having a weapon. I now think I would be “hell on wheels” and pity the poor sucker that would try to take me and my cane on. I came to that conclusion when a mother and daughter were having a “knock down drag out fight.” and I came between them, only to find out later the mother always carries a knife. I am pleased to say that they were so shocked that a stranger would care, that they no longer hit each other, according to rumor. When I finished talking to them, they were apologizing and telling each other they were sorry.

We could prevent some of the muggings or rapes if we would learn to trust our instincts and how we react to stress. For those who have not heard yet:Never get in a car or vehicle and leave the area because our chances are much better of getting help if we remain in the area that we are in, as versus, being taken out to an isolated area where no one will hear our screams for help. A scream or a proper placed kick or resisting many times will scare off the attacker.However many are successful because they do use the element of surprise so we do need to check our backs as well.

When our instincts are on high alert we need to turn around and look behind us, as well as, look to both sides. If we run into a store or business when we feel this alert, or in the open where other people are, we may feel like we would embarrass ourselves but it is always better to do that than it is to not trust our own instincts.

Think of an excuse that you will use if you have to make a quick dodge into a business or store. We were feeling a little faint and could we sit for a moment, many times will do the trick.Other times people are coming and going to the point we may not even be noticed as being out-of-place. If we are in a neighborhood then turn and go up to an apartment building as if we live there and sometimes they will drive on by, if they have been stalking us for a while. Do not forget to pull out the phone and act like you are placing a call. Sometimes cell phones can make us less alert so make certain you are tuned in as you walk.Do remember though that most of the attacks will happen at night-time and make a schedule of taking a different route or going with a friend and do not walk if you can take transportation instead.

If I could take a quote from Dr. Phil,”The best judge of future behavior is past behavior.” If when we are dating someone we find something is not working or we are not communicating on the same level then we need to question ourselves. If we are ever abused by either name calling or they are expressing a great deal of anger by hitting windows or dashes or even ourselves,or throwing objects at us while breaking everything in the place, or they manipulate us by crying to get what they want from us when we know there simply is not money to buy it, then please know marriage will only make it worse. When two people learn to live together and share the same check book as well as the same hours and bed we take on stress in a relationship, through marriage, we do not relieve it. When we add children to it then it doubles.

If our instincts are telling us that this person is not just right somehow, then trust ourselves or trust that we are not right for them. It is easy to think that others are disturbed when in truth we ourselves are not always operating with,” a light on in the antic.”, ourself. Anytime anyone is using anger and aggression to control us or others over their common sense or judgment to show and give us respect, then the problem is us.When we give over control of our own life, instead of taking control of our life, we fail not only ourselves,but everyone else who cares about us.

Run, don’t walk away from this type of relationship. If our friends are telling us what we obviously refuse to see,we have a duty to ourselves, to trust them as well as our own instincts that are warning us, if we are trying to deny what our conscience already knows is the truth. If, on the other hand, our friends and family can not see what we know to be true and are telling us that it is just jitters or we are nuts because he/she are a nice person and come from a good family, and we know differently, then we need to listen to only ourself.

Just as instincts can warn us against danger our instincts can tell us when we are on the right path when solving a mystery,protecting our own safety, making a decision,or even investing in something we feel strongly will work. Many times the most successful amongst us are those who do rely on and do trust their instincts. What our instincts are telling us will not hold up in a Court of law,it does not offer proof to others, sometimes too often people will use it to speculate about others, but it like our conscience seldom fails us morally. So the next time our instincts tell us that the decision we are making is a right one or alarms are going off, remember,”Sometimes we just know what we know,” and learn to trust it. We can only empower ourselves by taking control of our own life. No one else can do it for us nor can we contol their lives, and expect positive results.

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Contentment is the epitome of life itself, in my opinion. I have had people tell me that they need more thrill in life or need to keep things stirred up more in order to enjoy themselves. I understand that a contented life probably isn’t for everyone but, in my book, it can’t be beat.

What ever kind of life we choose to live, the facts are, the important thing to remember is to not delay making the decisions or make the decisions in too much haste. Life was intended to be lived on balance in all things, and sadly, the great majority of all of us do tend to go from one extreme to the other. We must have a plan as those who do just let life happen are the same who often end up bitter thinking that they got screwed while such and such just set back and watched it fall in their lap. It never happens that way, folks, to anyone, other than possibly the fraudulent who ultimately pay a larger price when they get caught and the lottery winners, who many times regret that they won, as it often costs very important relationships in the process.

Opportunity ventures its face in the life of all of us and as the saying goes”he who hesitates is lost” but on the other hand the opposite applies as well that”good things comes to those who wait”.It is a matter of knowing the difference when it happens because we either planned for it or was in a position to make the decisions necessary when it arrived.

To contradict that statement on very rare and I do mean rare occasions people do seem to have a luck that does out surpass most. Although I’m not a big fan of the idea that success has much of anything to do with luck, I do know that sometimes even the unconscious will stumble onto something and come out smelling like roses as a result of it.Anyone who counts on luck though is usually going to be sadly disappointed.

It does none of us any good to blame anyone else for the life we are living because we always have options to make choices that will reflect our own lifestyle. We cannot predict the market anymore than we can predict a slot machine. Con men and women will always take us for a ride. Credit cards all need to be paid for as do the bills. Not sooner or later but on time. Checkbooks need to be kept balanced, just as, we need to live according to what we make and not according to how someone else lives. It is our responsibility to know and understand the difference, and at the same time understand that if we fail today then there is another day to try again. The important thing is with practice we eliminate failure and not increase it. Most especially we do need to understand,that our adult children need to make their own decisions as well and live according to their own earned means and not according to our means.If we do not raise them to be responsible,self-sufficient, and kind we have only ourselves to blame.

It is true that, “bad things do happen to good people,” and my experience is that the great majority of people who do have the worse of tragedy in their lives are often the ones that set the best example for the rest of us to follow. They seem much wiser in their knowledge of the value of forgiveness and giving up on hate than many of us whose lives have simply followed the pattern of what life is intended to follow. Health problems can and will destroy the life that many of us had planned on living as does crime. I give you all exemption from the rule of thumb,”that we make our own decisions”,however at the same time, we all will need to decide how we are going to make the best out of what we have left with life, so it does get back to the decisions we make for ourselves.

Whatever life we choose for ourselves we all need to understand it takes planning and sitting around waiting to hit it big with the lottery is not going to cut it. We also have all different kinds of ways at looking at just what contentment means to each of us. I knew if I married someone just like myself that life would probably get quite boring if not downright dragging in a short time. What has made my marriage interesting has been our differences. Believe me, my husband and I are totally polar opposites. Our main and abiding sameness is our morality. Our sense of right and wrong, if not identical, is as close to it as any two people can get. Others will bully in order to get their mates to be identical to them in their thinking, or go out looking for a mini-me. Not me boy. I will always want to know what the other side of life looks like.

Money is the sign of contentment for some, to others having the luxury of good health , being able to travel for another,the time to read for those who never had time before is contentment, and spending time with grandchildren for others. My idea of contentment is living life with a clear conscience, owing no person anything, and having given better than I took from life, while hoping my husband and I live long enough that our grandchildren remember who we were and what we stood for, and their evaluation comes out on a positive note over a negative. I also hope I leave behind a few that can think of me and smile. The beauty of living a content life is that it can and is as variable as there are people. For some it is what they feel or look like, to others what they do or own, and to many others who they have become. That is why we need to seek for ourselves what mysteries life holds for each of us.

I’ve had enough money to know that the more that we have the more responsibility we owe and the more expectation people have in us. I have traveled well enough to know after two weeks I want to be home on my own mattress and cooking home cooked meals.As much as I love my grandchildren I owe it to their Mom and Dad to stay out of their way as much as I can. It doesn’t stop me from wanting to keep doing as much of it as I can and gaining even more from the adventure.

Contentment to all of us, in my estimation, should mean taking care of ourselves and our own problems for as long as is humanly possible and then asking for help when we need it. Often times when parents have been overly generous and bailed out their adult children they are owed definite financial help when the adult children can help out financially and the parents have met with hardship.If bailing them out consists of more than once or twice or became a frequent occurrence it is unrealistic to think that they or us, either one, will have income for our old age.

In other cases adult children have taken responsibility for themselves from the minute they turned 18 and owe us nothing more than they choose to give. Our children are our responsibility up to the age of 18 and they are not responsible for what we choose to give them anymore than they are for what we fail to give them, prior to their becoming an adult. All the money we spend on spoiling them that does not go into an education or teaching responsibility is spent more for our own purposes to make ourselves look and feel good than it is spent towards making our own children more responsible or self-sufficient. Too many people when they get older either think their kids owe them and move in to aggravate their lives when they still have the capacity to look out after themselves or are so stubborn they force their children into making the tough decisions that the elderly should had made before they got so old they became incapacitated.

It is possible when my husband and I both get to that point that we will be the biggest pains of all, but I hope not. We have made plans to do a little of what he wants to do and a little of what I want to do at the same time we both understand that”life is what we are busy planning for when the uncontrollable happens.” If we don’t at least plan and accumulate savings, one thing we all know for certain, when we cannot afford to retire is we will have no plans or choices to make, beyond being a Wal-Mart greeter or something comparable or living a life we never planned on living.

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