It IS That Simple

If you have had the patience to bear with me these last several weeks, I thank you and I apologize to all of you who do understand already that life is about taking responsibility for our own behavior and worth. Unless we can accept our own errors and mistakes we cannot forgive ourselves. The great majority of us do not set out to defeat ourselves or others for that matter but we all do make mistakes because none of us are or ever will be perfect. In areas where we have dependents, as in minors, then we have an obligation as well as duty to guide them, as well.

We accomplish nothing in the way we feel about ourselves or others when we control other human beings. Adults who have already taken that message to heart and placed it into practice do not need to be told by boy or girl friends, husbands,wives, parents,siblings,neighbors or anyone else how they should behave, unless they ask for our advice.When adults assume their own responsibility and are not intruding on our own lives or shirking their responsibility, they do not need our constructive criticism, as what has worked for us, often fails others. We humans are made up of diversity and individualism and when we fail to act on that we fail ourselves. Where mutual respect is held, couples will discuss their differences instead of controlling their mates

Those of us who run-away-from or shirk our own duties and responsibilities, more times than not, need guidance that was failed us while growing up. Denial is the greatest offender followed by passing blame and excuses that any adult can and does fall back on. When we find that we have fallen into this pattern as adults, we do not go back to the people who failed us, to guide us, but instead we should seek out those who have been trained professionally to help us understand where we are failing.

As the old adage goes: “Any advice worth getting is worth paying for.” It is important, that we as parents, ask for and get that advice before we or our children come to the attention of law enforcement. If and when that fails then trust your own conscience and common sense or a good friend who has both if you are short on them or too closely related to the problem. If money is in short supply, there is always help offered through Human Services in our County and other State institutions. The Baker Law, allows all police officers to take anyone suffering from mental illness, regardless of age or income, to a hospital to get the kind of health care they need.

As a Society, it is our job to understand and know the difference between who does need our help and who does not. That decision will never be based on how much someone owns, weighs,what they wear,if their interests are different from our own, where they worship,what race they are, their gender affiliation,where they live, or how much they have in their wallet or purse. We need to be protective of both ourselves as well as our own communities through both common sense, as well as,looking for and finding fact. It is rare to find truth from gossip,jealously,those who hold a grudge or seek revenge or chronic liars. It is that simple!

We all should strive for living the best life we can live, by taking ownership of our own behavior,responsibility,judgments, and truths. We parents do need to take responsibility for those entrusted into our care, who are under 18. Our job as parents does not end until they are mature enough to leave home. We can not tell them,” to do as we say and not as we do,” since all children watch before they listen.

The example we set them in our speech,behavior and action or lack of it, will always be the strongest teacher for their lifetime.A simple example of what I am talking about is:Ambition does not come from watching people who have little to none, complain about working too hard. Laziness shows its own lack of purpose. It does us all well to understand that all teenagers still need guidance and we are the parents.

When we get that part of their life right, many will ask for our help later. Other times, too many parents fail to realize that it is when we do raise them to be independent,self-sufficient, and responsible for their own needs they will not need to ask for our advice. It does us all well to remember this, so our own feelings do not get bruised, when they do fail to ask for our help. Too many times families find themselves upset over what should be taken as a compliment to our own parenting skills. We need to know the difference between giving aid because we wish to, as versus our own need to manipulate or to control their lives. It is always easier knowing we did not rear adult children, who place demands on us or try to guilt us into feeling needed, so that we assume their responsibility.

We also need to be honest with ourselves when the care of our child requires more than what we can give them and seek help from those trained to help. We neither do ourselves a favor nor them a favor when we both end up dependent on welfare and bitter. Adults and children alike learn through their own failures and successes in life. We can only learn through the earlier character building years of their life, to what extent they do require help by being honest with both them and ourselves, as to how well we did prepare them to succeed. We should not have to pass laws to make parents, parent.

We all have the duty as well as the right to make life count as nothing will ever be that important in our or their lives,again. We need to forgive ourselves for our own mistakes and accept the reasoning behind why we did what we did in order for us to be able to forgive ourselves.Joy of life comes from being able to look our, own selves, in a mirror knowing we did give life and mankind our best and in being the one person we would most want to spend our time with. Everyone else who loves us for being who we are, the way we are, is just more frosting on the cake. When we have the peace and comfort of mind, knowing we have both learned the importance of good behavior, as well as, taught it to others,through our own actions, then we will all find our own joy and peace of mind. It is that simple!

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The Myth Of Being Negative

Since it is commonly held that, ” the squeaky wheel” gets the most attention and people surround the gossips of the community, office, or coffee shops who are speaking poorly of their neighbors, associates, or staff, it is generally held that the bully or the gossip are the popular of the group or get the most attention. However, there is always that added, “I wouldn’t want to be them, as these relationships many times will only last as long as either the gossip or bullying lasts. At night-time each of these people will have to lay down and rest their heads on the pillow of their own making.

It is true, that some amongst us, elect officials of our Country simply from the lies and negativity of the ads that speak the worse about the candidates. The politicians and special interest groups would not put the huge amount of funding into them if, “we the people” did not lead them to believe that they work and that we believe them to be true. Also people will sometimes even admire these people who are the first to find fault in the community,government, or the job. After all it takes an objective mind to be able to see a problem and to fix it. All of us should know and understand these ads have nothing to do with objectivity, much less fixing anything. They are simply lies made to distort the truth.

For the most part these ads appeal to people who never feel the joy of a positive outlook in life and live their life in only seeing fault regardless of the person or situation. Over the years when the conversation turns totally against another person in the group I have been sitting with, I have made a point to say what I like about them. I can promise you that the kind words spoken about a person rarely, if ever, comes back but the unkind words always do with exaggerated and often unkind opinions attached to them.

We can all agree, I think, the miners would never have made it out nor the rescuers put the time and expense in, if either group had been controlled by a negative outlook, for their future. That is the true harm or danger in negativity.

No one stricken by an injury or disease subject to disabling has ever gotten up and walked with a negative outlook, no one has ever won out over a terminal illness while harboring a negative attitude, and no one has ever succeeded in their dreams by believing in the negative view of life. The list goes on and rapidly consumes everything about our own personal lives until we find ourselves living the positive or negative that we project on others.

It makes perfectly good sense then, to me, that anyone with common sense would rather be both the good guy and determine who else amongst us is sincere, over believing the lies. When “what goes around comes around” and the energy we put out returns to us it makes absolutely no sense at all to me that we wouldn’t want sincerity in our life. It is true also, “that bad things happen to good people”, but the person with the positive outlook, will always be the person that learns from the experience and comes out feeling more Blessed and grateful,than ever, over the person with the negative outlook on life.

Voting is a privilege, and I hope we do just that and treat it as the same, by voting wisely November 2nd. Isn’t it time we silence the opposition that holds the lies,greed and the naysayers together? There has never been a time, in the recent history that I have voted, that it is so obvious as to where the greed, bigots, and lies are. Bush and Cheney gave us 8 years of the same.

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30 False Myths, Beliefs, And Prejudices

The following are myths, beliefs or statements commonly held or spoken by the public, in general, that are totally wrong or many times, have little to zero basis for the truth. How many do you still believe, despite my telling you they are false? Feel free to test yourself. You may be shocked to find that you are more prejudice or judgemental than you realized.

1. All wheelchair bound people are deaf or incapable of intelligent communication.
2. All older people are bitter.
3. All people who use another language, different from English, are tourists or here illegally.
4. All poor people lack character and are lazy.
5. Wasps sting once and then they die.
6. Obama is Muslim.
7. Most wealthy people do not pay taxes and have servants.
8. People who drive nice cars and dress well are usually rich.
9. People like and treat their dogs better than they like or treat people.
10. People that do not earn a paycheck, do not work or if they do , they do not work as hard as we do.
11. Only Republicans reduce the size of government and balance budgets.
12 All Democrats are liberal.
13. People that attend Churches, regularly, are more moral than those that don’t.
14. People that do not attend Church on a regular basis are not believers or do not have faith.
15. All over-weight people are unhealthy,lazy, and consume far more food than we do.
16. People on welfare dress better than we do.
17. Stay-at-home Moms, are under-educated or wealthy.
18. Really intelligent people are strange or suffer from mental illness.
19. All artists are eccentrics.
20. Women are temptresses and cause their own rapes.
21. Men commit adultery and batter because women tempt them into doing so. Women as a rule are faithful and never batter.
22. Women make better parents than men do.
23. Heterosexual parents are better parents than gay parents.
24. People that attend Churches,are less likely to commit crimes.
25. More people graduate from college today than graduated from college in 1980.
26. Most people drawing disability checks could work if they wanted to.
27. All environmentalists are Libertarians or tree huggers and cost people jobs.
28. There is no culture outside of New York City or Chicago.
29. People that use across-the-counter drugs cannot become addicted.
30. People who limit their daily consumption of alcohol or only drink once a week, are not alcoholics.

Congratulations if these myths,beliefs, or prejudices are foreign to you and not generally held in your area. You live in a neighborhood that is more accepting to race,creed, and gender. Hopefully, the rest of us will get there someday as well, but it is highly unlikely. Only we can stop ignorance, so why are so few of us trying to do so. Oops there perhaps goes another myth:)

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Unfortunate Personality Traits Found In Women

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A Black Eye On Italian Justice!

I typically do not comment on many of the books that I read but never have I seen such miscarriage of Justice as what happened in Perugia, Italy last year. I fully recommend that all people who are interested in the pursuit of Justice pick up the book written by Candace Dempsey(Italian/American writer) called “Murder in Italy” and read for yourself the injustice that has taken place there.

If any of us have ever had any doubts of what malicious gossip and lies prosecuted out of a pornographic fantasy of a zealot can do to justice, it is all spelled out in this case. The lies from the tabloid newsprint, that the Judge allowed in, were as equally distressing.

Clearly the prosecution and judge and jury had all the proof they ever needed to find one person and one person only guilty of killing Meredith Kercher of Britain and instead they went after two very innocent young people who are now doing double the prison time that the real killer is doing. We should all also hold the Italian and British press equally as guilty for helping cause such a miscarriage of Justice.

I understand that we have our own shameful trial in the O.j. Simpson trial amongst many other trials where the wealthy get an “out of jail” free card but isn’t it better to error on the side of freedom, than to knowingly put two innocent people behind bars for 25 and 26 years? Both the prosecutor and some jury members slept (literally fell asleep) during the trial. The Prosecutor would be found guilty later of miss use of his office and had been arrested for the same, prior to the conviction of these two young people. It was not connected to this case.

As upset as I am to know that Italian Raeffaele Sollecito and American Seattleite Amanda Knox have been put in jail over a story strictly made up with no proof or evidence to back it by a Prosecutor of the Church persuasion that believes in Satan possessions, you should be equally upset. If this horrid miscarriage of justice is not corrected by the public all over the world now, we then can expect this same miscarriage of justice to visit our own Countries in the near future.

In my opinion, American Courts are finding people more and more guilty in the courts ran by Conservative appointed judges, on nothing more than circumstantial evidence. Some Defense attorneys in States where they can make a choice, will ask a jury instead of a judge, to find the punishment, for a gay person that is found guilty. Why? Because they feel that the jury will mete out a more fair punishment for a gay person than a conservatively appointed judge will. It is not at all, that broad of a leap to think that we can go from there to speculation, gossip, lies, and yellow journalism convicting someone on our own shores.

I am glad to see that Washington State officials, NBC,CNN and Hillary Clinton along with the Free World are aware of this case and actively following it. They can use all the e-mails and letters of support, that we can send, in order to show our support to free these two innocent college kids.

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You Want To Get Involved–Then What?

I would recommend that your read the previous blog first in order for this one to make any sense. Thanks!

I certainly would never recommend that an individual person or couple take it upon themselves to personally get involved between a relationship involving a husband or wife or a parent and child. It is possible that in doing so we run the risk of jeopardizing our own safety. What I am talking about is awareness. Many times we live next door to someone and never see them or pay any attention to them, beyond saying, hello.

Sometimes we need to consider forming a neighborhood watch if there is not currently one in our neighborhood. Many times in an abuse situation the adults will act strange in that they deliberately appear to be shunning the entire neighborhood. Abuse can only function in isolation as well as meth houses, can only operate in secret. We need to pay attention to what kind of a scream it is. Children playing and screaming and having fun do not sound like the scream of abuse nor do wives sound like someone having fun. Error on the side of caution for the child’s sake,without thinking that we might appear foolish.

What time are the kids coming home from school and are they old enough to be babysitting themselves? Are they being left alone at night while Mom and dad are out? Just in general we should not worry about being a “nosy Rosy” as many times we neighbors are all the children and wives have to protect them against abuse.

This small town near where I lived, like all small towns, was a gossip haven. They had a neighbor that they knew who was scrubbing their 8 year old daughter in lye with a wire brush along with other abuses. I never heard a thing about it while the family lived there but once they left and moved to a larger size of town they were immediately reported to Social Service and the little girl removed from their care.

The first thing I wanted to know was, why was this kept secret, when nothing else was. I haven’t a doubt that if someone like myself had heard about it, I would have reported it, so when I asked, it became apparent to me, immediately, the reason no one told me was because they did not want Social Service snooping around in their town. It clearly was not the only family where abuse was taking place. Statistics show that in any neighborhood of any size of town, one house out of three on each block, has some form of abuse taking place.

There is a terrible smell that gets absorbed into the clothing,hair and even lungs and skin of children when meth is cooking. It cannot be missed. We need to get in a habit of getting close enough to a child playing outside if we cannot already smell it coming from the home. We can ask them if they think their parents would care if they had a lollypop or if they want to play at the park with our child. If the mother never comes out and visits while we are visiting with the children or if none of them are ever outside perhaps it is time that we make the effort to get more acquainted.

I am not talking about the monthly or by-weekly pity trips or snoop sessions that I wrote about ,previously, that takes place in small towns nor am I suggesting they take an interest in what we are interested in. Once we find out that the kids are just couch potatoes and are entertained by t.v. or she has hobbies like reading or painting then at least we have an explanation over just guessing.

Not all meth houses are isolated from a neighborhood. We need to pay attention to bruises and broken bones that are not common. Especially if the children are sedate and are couch potatoes. If in visiting with the children or wife, we find that they are falling a lot more that what normal children or adults fall then get suspicious and contact the right authorities. Ask to remain annonymous.

Otherwise if your neighborhood is not the place you want to help then contact soup kitchens, large daycares, schools, and ask if they can use help with children, check with Children’s hospitals in regard to gifting or volunteering time. Large physcal therapy Clinics may be able to use free volunteer work with their children. In general anyplace where children play, work, or sleep.

We need to just remember to be more aware or alert of the children than what we commonly are. Obviously, the only way we can stop more laws and more government is if we start giving a little time. I know we are already short of time and energy as it is, but what I am talking about,for the most part, requires looking out the door or window and using both our eyes, ears and common sense. Time that we all have, that costs nothing, but could save so much more than any of us can imagine.

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Gossips and the Damage They Do!

We all know them. They are everywhere we turn, amongst the people we work with in offices, hospitals, on flights, in all businesses, in government offices and where we live in small towns, our neighborhoods, in our schools, in our families, in our Churches, where there are people there are gossips. Some of us like to say”this comes from such and such so you can take it for what it is worth”, like that some how clears us from being a gossip ourselves. I’ve often wondered if it is such flimsy information from a known gossip, then why are we repeating it.

The unfortunate part about the gossip is not only that she/he often times are making up a story or exaggerating it so that it sounds better, than what it really is, but that others are attracted to them. Where ever a crowd gathers, we can bet it is a gossip that is holding the attention of the crowd. Unfortunately, by the time we all get done listening, to the original gossip and adding to the story that we thought we heard, if there are 12 people present, then there are 12 different stories told from the original piece of gossip. People have a tendency to “half Listen”, that is what they hear and then repeat. They hear only what they want to hear and tune out the facts.

Gossip is robbery without a gun.It can and does cost business lost. It brands people for years, unless they leave the place of work and then they are quickly replaced, usually by the new hire. In Schools it can be so damaging to a child’s good name and reputation that it actually leads to that child committing suicide. It breaks up marriages. It costs elections of people that could have made a difference. It cost Churches congregation losses, many times leadership abilities. It cost Doctors patients. Families are many times split up or broken as a result of a gossip amongst them. The sad thing of all is the person that dedicates their life to a good moral conscience, and it only takes one gossip with their followers, to destroy everything that we have worked to gain. The saddest thing is, like alcohol and drugs, gossip becomes habit forming! Fortunately it has it’s justice on Judgement Day, itself.

The one person in our offices, hospitals, communities, churches, family that may have had the potential to hold us altogether or to come up with the solution to make us more efficient, or to offer better patient care, or to show a higher person to wage gain ratio, that could have diffused a crime or bad reaction to a situation amongst us, and the list goes on, has been dismissed before even given a chance by nothing more than the gossip and her/his cronies. The next time, before we open our mouths, it would be good to ask ourselves, is this conversation really worth repeating? Give it a day and you will be amazed to what degree it comes back to you and grateful, if you have a moral conscience at all, that you were the one that chose to keep your mouth shut! As a rule, it is what we don’t say, that matters the most, when our character is on display.

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Children watch–They do not Listen!

As children if we dare asked WHY?, we were told,”Because I told you so?” That worked then, because we knew the punishment would be worse than the enjoyment we received. I certainly will never condone the style of punishment we received, as many times it would end up being abusive.Children that are shown respect, by parents today, do not hear anything that we say, but they definitely do watch our behavior. This is never so evident as during the adolescent and teen years.

Parents that lie, may have children that lie, parents that sleep around, may have children that sleep around, parents that shop until they drop, may have children that shop until they drop, parents that live beyond their means, may have children that live beyond their means, and parents that are alcoholics, may have children that are alcoholics, and so on and so forth.

let me explain: If you tell your children. “It is our secret, don’t tell Dad or Mom,” because you just bought something that you don’t want your mate to know about; If you tell the neighbors that “you’ve worked like a dog all day” when you have really done next to nothing; If you tell your child when someone calls, “to tell them I’m not home” it won’t be long and you will find that your child lies too, and if they think that you have worked like a dog doing very little, then expect them to be lazy as well. Also if they see you sneaking money to buy what your Mate would be upset about, then do not be surprised, if they do the same with Daddy’s/Mommy’s credit card down the road.

If as a divorced person, you bring your dates home, instead of going to a motel, on a regular schedule and the faces change regularly, then you may see your children repeating your behavior, when they are adolescents and teens, as well. If Fathers are promiscuous, daughters often follow their Fathers’ foot steps, when there is a marriage.

If you take your children shopping and buy them everything that they want then expect them to have a direct shopping addiction by the time they are adults, with messed up credit, and living a lifestyle that they can’t afford. Also expect them to have a total lack of respect for work and the difficulty of earning money, with a sense of entitlement. The likely-hood is great, that their finances will be in a real mess.

Children of alcoholics can become an alcoholic by the time they are 12 if their parents are alcoholic. It only takes a few drinks for children of alcoholics to become addicted.

Of course, there are always exceptions to the rules. Some children actually can learn by seeing and feeling the disgust that they felt living this way. Incases where parents have displayed poor behavior and stop it, and then explain their regrets, sometimes children will learn from our mistakes.But please do not think they will not repeat it just because we tell them that we regret our own mistakes, as long as we continue the behavior.

We parents like to fool ourselves into believing that the kids don’t know, because they are asleep, or I only drink when I am out, or I never discuss finances with the kids, etc. but you can bet by the age of 3 or 4, kids are watching us and picking everything up, to the point it is all ingrained in their memories, before we even have a chance to open our mouths, to explain or tell the truth. Nothing misses the vision or the mind of 3 and 4 year olds, nor imprints it better. It is only when they get older and deal with their own life stresses that they may forget it.

Children that are counting to 20 and can read by the time they are 4, which is just about everyone that attends pre-school, are not just learning, reading and writing. Also the other children are listening to the local gossip and repeating, whichever way they think they heard it, and there is nothing quite so nasty with a longer memory as what our darling little children can be and possess, when passing on and reviving gossip, overheard between the walls, as other adults gossip.

Teenagers are totally deaf so if you are hanging on to the ideal that, “I will explain then”, GOOD LUCK! When it comes to our children, it is the example we sit, that plays an important role, in their futures. Most will forgive, when they mature and understand better, but expect a rough ride, especially with daughters that choose to live a different lifestyle. However,if you are still living a lifestyle that you regret, the pain maybe too great to overlook, as long as the behavior on your part continues. “Sometimes, what goes around comes around” as the pain is theirs’ as much as ours’. No one that allows their children, self expression, will avoid the judgements during the adolescent and teen years.

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