Archive for the ‘marriage’ Category

I am still surprised when I hear wives and young women being criticized by other women as to why they stay with their politician husbands, following the out break of scandal. Sure it may leave our own excuses or defenses a little more weakened as to why we make or made our decisions under similar circumstances, but is that any reason to point fingers, when others decide differently? In 2013 men are 100% responsible for their own behavior.

Yes, we can agree that the young women who are involved in sex or sexting and come forward and acknowledge their own poor behavior, are showing extremely poor judgment in believing they can some how capitalize on the same. To judge young women any farther than this, unless they become so outwardly obvious and acknowledge they are out for the almighty buck or to destroy a career, should not lie in the character of any of us who judge these often naïve and impressionable women; Nor does it further the equality of women to determine what is appropriate behavior when a woman does decide to remain in her marriage.  That choice belongs to the two people who are in the marriage to decide be they men or women.

Women have been manipulated by the powerful and branded as Jezebels since Biblical days in an effort to give men who behave poorly in sexual behavior, an out for their own sick and often narcissistic behavior. As women in America, we if not men, should be able to rise above the continuation of judgments against each other regardless of media exploitation, political leanings, or the circumstances of the same.

I have heard women, who are thought of as being credible accuse Huma Weiner of having political gain for herself and ambitions of her own as being the reason she stands behind her husband Anthony Weiner. Other people are accusing the young woman (I will not give her name credence or blame in my blog) of dressing sexy in order to trap Anthony Weiner. There is much more gossip against the women involved in the Anthony Weiner Sex Scandal but to repeat any more beyond this is to only add to the gossip.  When will women ever be able to dress in the manner they feel the most comfortable with themselves, before we quit judging them for doing so?

Accusing women of the faults that lie in men goes way back to the days of the discovery of the Old Testament of the Bible. When we realize the largest area of the Country in the region where the Old Testament of the Bible was written, was made up of  many Pagans before Christianity, then we need to understand also the culture present in the belief of its people at the time the old Testament was written.

We can understand why people who were raised generations in advance of Science held women responsible for the behavior of men because it was written In Proverbs, Chapter 23, Verse 26:My Son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe My ways, For a whore is a deep ditch and a strange woman is a strange pit. She also lieth in wait as for Prey and increases the transgressors in men.”

The belief was also promoted and still exists today that it was Eve who enticed Adam to eat of the apple instead of it being a mutual decision as we now know transcriptions clearly shows it to have been mutual and these artifacts have been preserved in the archives of the Church. As more Historical facts becomes available along with the knowledge of mankind changes we do need to consider both into our own moral framework as a civilized Society.

The Early Church so believed that married men who had sex with prostitutes were not responsible for the sin of adultery, because they were enticed by women and had no control over their own sex drive. They saw no separation between the animal world and human kind and judged the need of man to procreate or have sex for mankind’s survival as being on the same level between man and animal.

Sex with sheep amongst herders was not only practiced but acceptable behavior in its day. When Science discovered it was leading to madness and death in men due to an outbreak of syphilis then the acceptance of the same changed.

These beliefs were held well into the 17th Century but as the need for man to learn became more prominent it took the knowledge of Science to grow in order to gain knowledge about mankind and what free-will and intellect does as far as understanding the differences in what makes mankind the absorber of knowledge and truth over the animal kingdom.

Even into the Victorian era and yet today some Religions still refuse to give up the idea that even incest that takes place in children is not the fault of child or women entisement. The Conservative following have the numbers of rape due to incest, much lower than what in truth they still remain today. What we now refer to as sexual sociopaths was referred to as sexual deviants in the Victorian era and was just the beginning of the era in which men were being held responsible for their own sexual vulgarities.

Those Religions who throw out all study of Science still cling to the Bible verses of the Old Testament while totally dismissing the knowledge learned of men and sexual peculiarities or sexual predators, that we have gained knowledge of today through the knowledge of Science.

If we still have not learned that women do not create the character flaw in men who think they are too powerful to fail and that Science shows that it is more likely the absence of fathers in the home or early childhood abuse through incest that leads to feelings of rejection that increase the libido in both these women and these men, then what rock have we taken residence under?

Yes, both women and men who have reached adulthood are equally responsible for the choices they make in their lives.  When Anthony Weiner was made aware of his own short comings and illness and still behaved badly, by running again for public office knowing full well he was lying, then how can any of us judge his wife harshly or the women he continued to show his private parts to? If a mother is concerned about what the absence of a father, in the life of her child will make and decides to stay in the marriage, that is her decision to make without being called ambitious or any of us offering her anything beyond understanding.  Todays children need their parents in their lives and if the couple reaches an agreement on how they will deal with their marriage must we always feel their decisions reflects on all women?

If  young adult women are being manipulated or making a poor call of judgment that too should be their decision to make. Why do we so often see or hear those who seemingly have made the biggest mess of their own marriages or those who also behaved poorly when young women or men, too often become the harshest judges against other women or men?  Did we listen or was it our own responsibility to learn for ourselves, what our real values were or where we placed them?  Did we not have that right to do so?

We all should understand the options given all of us to use our own intellect and free-will should be the greatest entitlements that all of us will ever receive, shouldn’t we? What right does the media, un-related people, or pundits have of making any calls in the personal lives of people who use their own hearts and minds to call the shots in their own marriages or personal lives, have in the first place? If you don’t like the man, Anthony Weiner, then do not contribute or vote for him and if you are doing so for fear of what others may think then isn’t that more your problem than theirs?

The Karma we put out is also the Karma we get back, or if you prefer, “what goes around comes around”, and I suspect that was also the Plan of our Maker, when He gave both genders free-will and intellect from the beginning of mankind.  Who amongst us, has not already learned the same or will not learn it before we breathe our last breath? As the saying goes,” An unkempt garden, produces poor fruit”.   Does our own back yard need our attention or weeding?

As women we have enough Conservative movements underway who will deny us the equality already granted us before we have been successful in getting full equality, without attacking or sitting in judgment of each other.  As long as we, women, let the divisiveness amongst us continue to do so, we can all understand it will only cause further harm to those who most need our help. If it does not happen now, then it will tomorrow, or the next time we, ourselves or loved ones, need understanding the most.   I have learned to be a realist and understand what true unity requires of all of us.  Make it count!

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Somewhere over the last 30 years some women have seemingly forgotten we were granted the power of Free will, no differently from the male gender, by our Maker or Creator.

The very same people who relied on birth control, themselves, seem to be very remote in their own memories when it comes to granting the equality of choice to future generations.

It is reminiscent of the older Prostitute, who gains respectability through marriage, and then sits in judgment of the young woman who gets pregnant out of marriage the first time she has sex or when the often told joke in the South touched more on truth than humor.

It was often repeated in the South, accordingly:” I know I got her pregnant Paw but I hain’t going to marry her.” Why not Son? “Because she was a virgin when I met her.” “Well then son if she hain’t good enough for her own family, then she hain’t good enough for our own.”

As the numbers of rape done through strangers, acquaintances, and incest are being denied amongst those who now understand the life-long horrors done to women by rape, while the numbers remain constant or grow, the same people who are most aware, seemingly, want to deny women in even greater numbers, their right to choose.

Too often women, who understand and fight for both our equality and inalienable legal rights granted through “The Equal Rights Amendment”, and our moral right of free will, that separates us from the animal species, are branded as if the fight for equality is a dirty word and done by evil women who are branded as feminists.

Sadly, because of the negative twist that is too often applied to the word feminist it is a word that too many times gets used as a word of disrespect amongst those who deny the equality of genders. Feminists ranks right up there with the word “bitch” that is too often applied to competent women.

When I read the series of books entitled the “Good Wife” or see women gather to learn to better please their husbands in bible groups or in scrap booking groups in individual homes, I am left with a sense of deja vu all over again. Throughout history women have been there and done that while being made to feel the guilt of a marriage that fails.

The Conservative movement in America is really doing a major disservice to the equality of women who come out of cultures who have not advanced to the equality entitled to all Americans or who are made to carry the guilt of blame of what are determined to be deteriorating families in the eyes of the “Good Old Boy” system.

It is true that there are both men and women who marry and neither remains faithful and it is equally true women file for far more divorces than what men do. What women fail to hear are the reasons that women are left to file for divorce.

Men rarely take the vows of matrimony as serious as women do. If it wasn’t for a woman’s insistence of marriage many men would be content to reproduce themselves without the benefit of marriage vows and without legal restrictions to support the child. It is a fact that women to a larger percentage over men, marry for life.

When vows are broken through infidelity, domestic abuse is present, refusal to maintain a family financially exists, and trust is lost, Divorce is most often the burden left for women to carry through on. Although women are guilty of all the same above faults these are faults largely attributable to failures in men.

Men are much more likely to use the lack of a divorce as an excuse to not re-marry again but to move in together without strings attached over women’s desire to re-stabilize their own future prospects. When these above faults are present in the men who women marry too many times women are made to feel guilt that they some how caused the weakness in these men who never had the character of backbone in the first place.

Women are better educated and as such they are becoming the larger bread earners in America today. Men are more content to stay home to help out and raise families, than they have been in the past but a man’s idea of child rearing too often means hiring a nanny or cleaning Lady so he can be free to discover himself.

When parents fail to teach empathy and responsibility to children so children grow up understanding the world isn’t just about them and their wants and needs but also about the wants and needs of those we hold most dear, friends, neighbors, and family who depend on us, families fail. Laziness, Selfishness, or a lack of empathy is not now nor has it ever been gender specific.

I urge all women of all races and backgrounds to remember the word Feminists is a word we all need to be proud of, as it is or should be, the battle cry of all women who seek the justice of moral free will and inalienable legal rights for all people.

It should never matter if Americans are men or women or if they are people who work, breathe, eat, pray, love, vote, drive, gather, marry, remain single, dedicate their lives to others, raise families, stay at home, or discover their own substantial worth or value in America, they are all equal because of the efforts and sacrifices of feminists.

We can never forget that without Civil Rights workers, suffragists, and feminists we would never be able to vote in 2014; Nor would we rank any higher in the eyes of mankind as any one other than a man’s property or chattel.

We need to stop the deterioration taking place by the Conservative movement in America, in an effort to gain back our moral right to free will granted to us by our Creator and our legal rights of equality granted to us by the Equal Rights Amendment by voting as the most powerful block of voters in 2014.

The disgrace in America is not deterioration of families because of the feminists but rather deterioration of respect due to those Americans who hide behind Religious Freedom as an excuse to deny Americans the equality due all of us regardless, of sexual orientation, race, Creed, or gender through the Conservative movements and paid for groups who speak for individual Conservatives in America.

When we become like too many members of the Tea Party who openly say: “it is not my problem if their house falls in the bay, if they do not have Social Security, or if a poor man in a coma dies due to lack of insurance.”; then we can no longer deny the lack of empathy for all Americans is at the crux of the problem.

When we tell those who promote these ideas and attitudes that they are dead wrong at the voting polls through our votes next year perhaps they too will see the faults in their reasoning.

In order for women to right the wrongs, and trust me, it will take women as history has always dictated that it does. We need to begin to turn around the narcissistic movements under way in America through consensus of sisterhood.

It is equally important that we use the elections on the horizon, by joining in fellowship with those politicians whose records prove they also seek justice for all, regardless of gender.

We begin now, by both parents empowering our own children and grandchildren with the power of empathy for all by teaching them charity and sacrifice for the greater good of humanity. We need not be fooled by those who conclude the false assumption,” that a hand up”, is just another name for Socialism.

If both parents fail in teaching the future generations understanding and compassion for others’ rights beyond their own, then Democracy will fail for all of us. Lets get started living by teaching through our own example today. Our actions must match our spoken words if we are to be successful in our own endeavors as parents of the next generations.

The Free will of all future generations depend on it, if we are ever going to have equality for all. None of us ever know if we will be the next one to need a hand-up tomorrow and that we can all take to the bank, even politicians.

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According to the process of teaching, “All truth passes through three stages, First it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed.Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”–Arthur Schopenhauer

Many of us feel a genuine sorrow each time that we hear of the deaths of children or mistreatment of pets, even when we have not known or spent time with them.  Not all people do, nor do they need to feel guilt if they don’t.  Not all people bond with children or pets and cultural differences in the way we accept death, also plays a role in why some people will grieve profoundly while others feel a compassion and act differently from those who grieve the lost of strangers. This was very prevalent in the attacks of 9/11, as well. Some people also remain more resilient while they prefer to spring into action first.

The NewTown tragedy, is one of many killings of our children by those who use guns but it leaves a profound lost on all of us as a Nation, because there are so many 6 and 7 year olds who have lost their lives.  Even those who do not have any particular fondness for children, can remember those hopeful years of their own lives, and feel that this tragedy leaves them with a genuine sense of regret for the lives lost.

We generally accept the Kubler-Ross model of grieving even though it has its share of critics as well.  The study was based on people who were terminally ill and how they coped with the lost of their health and the acceptance of death and they later applied the same emotions to all lost of that which we are bonded to.  I repeat the 5 steps here;

1.  Denial—“I feel fine”

2.  Anger—-“Why me?  It’s not fair.”

3.  Bargaining–“I’ll do anything for a few more years or one more moment”.

4. Depression—“I’m so sad, why bother with anything”.

5.  Acceptance–“Its going to be o.k.”

Others have added two other emotions and they are shock which most commonly accompanies denial and leaves us feeling numb and guilt.   Guilt is common with care givers who feel they should have been able to do more or with survivors who are involved in the same act of violence or car accident or in death of any kind. It is also common is spouses and siblings,especially when a twin is lost through death or separation.  It directly affects those who fight together in wars, sometimes for the rest of their lives.

Emotions can also be very varied without fitting a pattern of any kind.  They can run from solemn to trepidation to anxiety or to rage and disgust.  Many times feelings of jealousy or envy or even hate can follow when we see other children graduate with their classes or marry or we see other spouses with their mates, even after we feel that our sadness has dissipated. It is important that those who are experiencing many ranges of emotions are not alone but instead with friends and family members until the pain or shock that often triggers these erratic or difficult to deal with emotions calm down. When we are more clear of our own emotions then we can reflect on our own if we have the capacity to do so and know our own strengths and weaknesses. Any shooting of any nature often leads to temporary trauma in all of us.

In years past, the Medical Association did  not talk about post traumatic stress disorder in other situations outside of war.  As modern techniques expose more about the human brain, it is now more generally accepted that PTSD can and does exist on many levels of trauma and often times does accompany shock when death is totally unexpected.

The important thing with grieving is that we all know that there is not a clear-cut pattern for those who grieve.  Many emotions can be involved just as the more resilient or people with a history or exposure to death will feel fewer emotions.  Some may spend days crying while others who have been exposed to death can move on with few tears and gain acceptance earlier.  It is when grieving goes on for months into years with a total sense of helplessness that we should be certain to get professional help without any sense or feeling like we are weak or a failure.

We all have different ways of coping throughout life and a different time-frame in which we grieve.  Some find genuine laughter over memories of loved ones their healing tool.  Others will memorialize their loved one while still others who are use to solving their own problems in life will remain isolated amongst family members and choose to grieve alone.  Some will feel a responsibility and duty to do something first, and then grieve later when things become more quiet. Others will turn to Religion and the hope offered through its teachings while others will commit their lives to doing for others in an effort to feel good about themselves and to help lift the veil of sadness. Some delay going back to work and grieve immediately and find it only takes a few months to reach acceptance.  Others lose themselves in work and delay their grieving, because they feel a need to analyze the reasons why, first. When they finally accept the fact that there are no answers to the why they move on to the acceptance of death.

The main thing is that we acknowledge that not all things are great and that we do understand a necessity to grieve with the understanding that it should not be a lifetime condition that brings debilitating sadness. Some people will feel better talking about the death while others will want to choose who they discuss it with, if they wish to discuss it at all.  Many times those who grieve will blame the innocent bystander or take out their bad feelings on the closest people to them.

Grieving takes a high level of understanding sometimes. We cannot excuse poor behavior as being normal,and need  to understand that we may need to learn three simple words such as:”I am sorry.” Some people become over protective or obsessive out of fear of another loss during the period of grieving.  They will sometimes use poor behavior in order to deliberately drive away others who they love because they cannot bear the lost of another person in their lives. People who have a previous history of relieving bad feelings in themselves,on those closest to them, many times should ask for help during this time, while those who are close by understand this is not a time to judge, harshly.

Too many times we get stuck in one step of grieving and rather than feel the pain or get grief counseling will turn to alcohol or drugs and only compound our own grieving.  Grieving needs to take place, as the longer we delay it, the more problems will arise in the family as a result of our doing so. It is not uncommon for parents to delay their own grieving while making sure their children are o.k. first.  It is important that we understand that if we are not well then our children will not be  either.  Alcohol and drugs in moderation may help with sleep in the earlier days but should never replace or be used to deny the feelings of pain that we need to heal from, through grieving our loss.

We can grieve while also feeling genuine appreciation for having had our loved ones in our lives, and many recover as a result of the same. Some want to leave pictures up as a reminder of their loved ones, while others want to remove all reminders of them.  Some will continue to celebrate birthdays while others will feel a need to mourn. People are all different in their expressions of sorrow and we need to respect the same, but also remain cognizant of those who need professional help in order to cope. It is o.k to find moments of laughter and to look back after a few months or a couple of years and to acknowledge that we were not always rational during our grieving process.  Very many aren’t.

It is important that we understand that various levels of grieving in a marriage often leads to disputes that can lead to divorce if one of the members in the marriage are ready to move on and remember the good moments shared by the deceased while the other mate is still asking,”Why Me?” Grieving too many times will lead to intolerance in couples while it will bring others closer together since no one else can entirely understand their shared lost as clearly as they can.

We can often times treat those closest to us, during the grieving time pretty poorly, if we do not move ahead with the grieving process.  Children as young as 18 months can feel the loss of the bond of a sibling or parent and grieve. Children who lose their best friends can withdraw and be afraid of initiating new friends because to do so feels like betrayal to them. They can not always voice their feelings, or understand them, themselves. Children grieve differently from adults in that they often times do not cry but instead will act out.

Children may have episodes of unexplained rage or with draw into themselves.  When adults grieve it is especially important that when a child loses a sibling or a friend at an early age, that we understand that the children are losing the person in their lives that has always been part of their lives that they have confided in and made plans with for a future as well.  The most neglected lost of loved ones often does lie in the lack of understanding for the death of a friend or sibling, when they lose their friend or sibling too early.

The lost of a sibling is difficult for adults to deal with, but too few amongst us, understands the difficulty as the sympathy and understanding goes more often to  the parents,spouses, or their children. Siblings are often called on to be strong and to act as spokes people instead. The loss of a twin can compare to the lost of a spouse as many ideas,hopes,jokes,love,hate,upsets,plans for the future, and people in their lives are shared from birth and through out their lives. The identity or feeling of losing half of ourselves, when we lose a twin, is most like that of losing a spouse.  No relationship is more involved or longer lasting than that of  a twin relationship when their relationship begins in the womb they share.

What we as parents need to do is to make certain that our sadness does not spread over to our children or lose patience with our children if they are not shedding tears but are acting out. It helps  instead to discuss with them what they are feeling to make them behave the way they are.  Children should not hear everything about the shootings but sadly many will hear it from other sources and we need to be aware of the fact that details often become exaggerated and lead to nightmares in our children. When questioning them we need to be careful not to offer details but instead to find out what they know or are feeling and answer them honestly.

Just as some adults will cry for days while others don’t, the same is true with children. Children,depending on age, do not clearly understand the permanence of death.  They just know that their parent,friend, or sibling is not with them now and do not understand the long-term of death but feel a real unexplained sadness in themselves. Some will need our understanding on their level to cope without us forcing our own coping measures or the lack of the same on them. Grieving needs to be age appropriate just like everything else in life does.

The tragedy effecting our Nation in NewTown,Connecticut can affect our children around the globe and it is especially important that we communicate with our children about their concerns without expressing our own concerns.  It is alright to say Mommy and Daddy are feeling sad because they know that already but they should not be made to feel as a replacement for the children lost, or be compared to them.

We are each uniquely our own person and that applies to grieving as well.  We will not always be on the same page together nor do we have a time clock running.  If we need grief counseling we most definitely need to seek it out before we are left to deal with an unnecessary guilt or a prolonged sense of hopelessness.  It is important that we also rest during this time, when we can.  Grieving is exhausting and requires that we do get sleep.

Good luck and my condolences are with all of you.  I, like the rest of the Nations around the World, are wishing you the strength to recover on your own time and in your own space knowing our prayers and thoughts are with all of you.  May the goodness of the Season offer all of us the hope that we as a Nation will do something about such needless tragedies, in the New Year. God Bless all of us!  (See my previous post,”Guns And Mental Illness”)

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When was the last time or have we ever taken a hard look at ourselves?  Many felt that candidate Mitt Romney defeated himself in the election because we really did not know the person, Mitt Romney, when his conversations in private were opposite of his public conversation. The young Tea Party members are expressing the fact that they need to be more inclusive of all Americans and talk about it.  Does conversation on a level of rhetoric convince any of us when the actions through their votes deny the same? When Congress holds the middle class hostage as they have for thirty years, in order to make certain the wealthy gain instead, will we believe that they care about all Americans?

Isn’t this true about many of us, in that our conversations are many times opposite of our actions? How inclusive are we in our actions?  When I first moved into the Rural areas or took a new job, and I still find it to be true, many of the people I met were so busy asking me questions about myself, while they failed to tell me much of anything about who they were or are.

When couples meet for the first time many times women will tell men much more about themselves than what men will tell about themselves. Many time a majority of men will talk about what jobs they are studying for or hope to get or they hold,hiking,sports,hunting,fishing,women,working out,or any other subject that does not reveal themselves long before they will reveal personal information about themselves.

In the heading about myself on this blog I reveal nothing about myself but state I prefer to let others define me because in writing anything, we will reveal ourselves.  Too often people will go into denial about the person they feel  they are before they will take an honest look at themselves. Many times if we ask what their belief or philosophies are on important issues of the day, we will many times get back a blank stare before we will get an answer.   Other times we hear, “I really am not interested in that,” “that kind of stuff just makes my mind go numb,” or “I haven’t got a clue about what you are talking about.”  Too many people fail to realize that we should at very least take time out to reflect or know our own philosophy on life in order to understand the person that we truly are and embrace.

If we fail to understand our own belief system and the triggers in our own life, that makes us understand why we react to the outside stimulus of life the way we do, then we too many times will spend a lifetime judging others according to standards we do not practice in our own lives.  Many times we will live beyond our means and makes excuses as to why we do or look down our noses at those who do with less and find much more happiness in life than we do.  Having the courage to look at ourselves on an honest level of really knowing and embracing the person who lives inside of us is what makes us find the joy that we seek.

When our own behavior defies the reality of the person that we are, we leave others feeling as though we are a misguided individual, or brain washed by Society or other people’s philosophy, while we have no clue as to what it is that we truly do embrace.  The 2010 election was a perfect example as to how quickly what we knew about our President Barack Obama, could be turned on lies both against him and against Obama care.  It took too many to finally realize that is was not our President who changed his commitments to us but the lies that we accepted as truth, that turn our views on him.  In the end he won because we recognized that his words matched his actions and as a leader he would fight for our rights.

When we fail to know ourselves then we too many times can be led in life by people who prey on our vulnerability. If we have to ask,”Why am I always attracted to people who are not good for me?” then it is time we discover for ourselves why we have to ask,”Why are we always attracted to the same and what are the triggers in me that makes me continually repeat the same mistakes?” Our friends will make excuses for us and so will our family say things such as,”You are just to kind or trustworthy”, or other answers that actually make us feel better about being attracted to those who prey on us.” When we do not get an honest answer but buy into what others tell us, we keep repeating the same mistakes.

When we learn more about ourselves we often find that we have an irrational need to be needed,or to be made whole by someone else,or there is an insecurity in ourselves that can only be made to feel better by attracting or gathering those who we feel are inferior to us.  When we believe we are better than those who we attract too many times we feed our own false ego in the process. The difference between confident people and insecure people is: that those who do know themselves understand their own weaknesses and strengths and their lives indicate that they live according to their own philosophy of self, over that which has been defined by others.  When I tell my readers that I would rather be defined by others, it is because I am confident in the person that I am and yet aware enough that even with that, people will define me anyway.

It is when we can change and alter our actions according to the words that we speak that we do become the person we want to be.  We do not have one set of standards for ourselves, while holding another set of standards for the clique’s,or the job that we work or the group that we hang with during our free time. When we are true to ourselves then we are true to others as well.

Many times in life we are given tests, or run into road blocks in life, or even marry people that we had no business of marrying.  If we do not reflect on ourselves and what our own tolerances or rejections in life are all about, then too often we will go into denial about the person we are.  We need a clarity of why we react and why we need to fill an emptiness in ourselves with that which is bad for us.  If we do not understand ourselves It will exhibit itself in all kinds of judgement calls against others,acceptance of what we intellectually know and understand to be destructive but we will choose it anyway, and leave us in a state of confusion to the point that we can be led by undesirables.

We heard the word hypocrisy expressed many times during the election year because we did not feel that the candidates spoke on the truth of their own lives and how they have voted or spoken in the past. Too many times the candidates had one set of rules for others while having another set for us, when their own actions betrayed their own words.

When people criticize those who have affairs and gossip about it around the coolers or our coffee table, it is not all that unusual that they themselves have had affairs or will have in the future.  Many times the idea of the same has been entertained, at least in their minds, and by downgrading others that have had affairs, they often feel safe in the words that they speak. This is true about many other things that we tear apart in others as we too often fear,”But for the Grace of God there go I.”

Many of us can and do find hypocrisy in people who will malign others regardless of the conversation because we do know and understand our own strengths and weaknesses, and find gossip such a waste of the precious time each of us are allotted in life.  I personally am bored by such talk because I want to know you and what is your banner that you promote and stand for, or will fight for, and what it is about you that is special.

Each of us,regardless of what others think about us,will find that we are uniquely an individual that is special in an area of expertise that makes us the way we are.  We will also often discover that much of what made us think we knew better than others, is our weak point.  When we know ourselves we leave behind so much of the waste and the distractions that separates us from the joy,that we feel in knowing we are our own person and much stronger and competent that we believed ourselves to be in some cases and in other cases we find a total humbling experience.

Either way it is in knowing ourselves we will not only do what is best for us but we will also do what is best for everyone else as well.  When our actions match our words we do not tolerate bigots nor do we reject the equal rights of others but instead we become more inclusive of the understanding that we are all working towards the same goals in our lives.  Happiness often comes at a price and if we do not seek it through hard work and honesty of self, we often find that we fail it instead of it failing us.

I wish all of us a clarity of self this Holiday Season because we do know and understand that our limits range from the amount we can afford to spend on gifts to the amount of triggers in us that causes us to be upset by other’s rude behavior and words.  It is not wrong to discover sometimes, that it is time to throw the bums out of our lives, and to embrace the Independence in ourselves that makes all of us strong enough to carry the crosses we are asked to bear.  We must understand at the same time, there are triggers in us that causes bad reactions in others and work towards changing those triggers in ourselves, as well.May we all have a Blessed Holiday Season and a Happy New Year!

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If you read my previous post entitled “Emotions Denied” then you know that I have stressed the importance of knowing and releasing ourselves from our past emotional baggage.  I love people who give of themselves without question or suspicion but I do not love it when these same people regret their doing so and they either end up bitter for life or they complain obsessively about it, and then turn around and repeat it again and again.

It is our job to understand the difference between real need as versus those who go through every member of the group or family pulling a fast one, while they play a victim with their hands out. If we do not learn this lesson fairly quickly then we will get burned by those who deceive. We do not owe con people or those who have such little respect for us, that they would lie to us, anything so we need to stop them from their own bad habits by having the courage to say,”No.”

We should never feel an obligation to support those who have a better lifestyle than we do. Intellectually, we all know this so why do we allow these destructive people to ruin even a  moment of our day much less,years and years? If we can’t stop our obsessions over the same shouldn’t we question our own emotional development instead of their’s? People who can deceive us will always deceive us, if we do not have the power to be honest with them as well as ourselves.

We will all have at least one or two extreme or real hurts in our life time that makes each of us obsessive until we heal. We often think the first time we are betrayed by a friend is the worst hurt of all until we do mature enough to understand the real priorities in life.  Many will be tested much further than the rest of us and still remain in charge of their own emotional well-being, because they do recognize they cannot do it alone and they need help. When it comes to the lost of a child perhaps we will never recover.  This is not the kind of pain that I am writing about today.  What I am talking about is when people make sacrifices to give of their time or money and then complain because they get “screwed” and it leads to a lifetime of grudge matches or hate to the point they remain bitter and take it out on those closest to them for life.

My biggest complaints about joining charitable groups in the past and what led me to get out of all of them, was not my enjoyment of doing so but the complaining I heard from the individuals working in them.  Some one was always complaining that they worked harder than the next person or “so and so” felt they needed to point out what “butter paddies” were over just butter”,or the person in charge had no life beyond making their own image look good and it meant the rest of us should ignore our families and fall in line as well. I decided the best way I could give of real charity was to go anonymous and form my own.  The type of groups I was in had nothing to do with being charitable.

True charity is giving when we know we have nothing to gain ourselves, in return.  I have gone into a number of relationships in my lifetime knowing full-well that I would be betrayed,used, or rejected afterwards. I was aware of the fact that it was their behavior that was at fault, not my own, but my conscience told me that if I ignored their needs, it would make me less of a person than the one I wanted to be because I did have the ability,money, and time to help them.  In saying yes I  also knew I risked the fact of being mistreated because as does happen, some of them would feel, if I helped them once, they were entitled to my help again and again. I did not take on these challenges in my life until I had learned that once burnt twice learned.  It did not give me the excuse to never again show charity to others but instead to understand that losing people who would betray me is not the worse thing in life to lose.

It is when we take on extreme views in life that never bend or because John Doe hurt us we can never trust men again or if Jane Doe behaves in such a way then we will never speak to her again, that we take on the views of a person who would rather dwell on our extreme views over that of a person who would learn humility and charity.  I certainly do not advocate spending time with people who have a past history of being untrustworthy but if we can instead learn from the mistakes of our own roles in life we can also let go of the judgements we place against others.

Most obsessions come from our own lack of understanding that our extreme views led to judging another’s person’s right to operate as a free agent or we assumed to much about them, when we have no right to judge the behavior of anyone other than our own behavior.  When we spend time understanding why we respond the way we do, we make it more difficult for others to burn us.  The mere fact that we refer to it as being burned often means we are not looking at the full picture as it presents itself as others can not burn us if we do not give them permission to do so. Obsessions that continue are only a cover for the fact that we are human and have been hurt more sometimes from our own assumptions than by the person or people we have misjudged.

Having been disabled by pain, all my adult life, I have come to appreciate that we all have limits and if we do not say “NO” but instead resent people by saying “Yes”, then we do both of us a disservice. When we are at peace with our own emotions it is neither foolish or stupid to do so but it is the act of true empathy for someone whose need is greater than our own, when we can make a difference.  It is called Charity. It is also charity to say “NO” when we mean “No” because we set our own ground rules by knowing our own as well as our loved ones limitations to give, as well.

Giving because we expect something in return, because it is our cultural belief,we are doing it for our own image, we are told to by superiors or a court,or we obligate another person so they feel guilt if they do not do us a favor when we need a favor, is neither charity or an act of kindness.  There is no place for the word me in charity or empathy if we do wish to help and can without hurting ourselves or our loved ones, in the process.

When charity is done at the expense of the future of our own children, then it can be as destructive as doing nothing. It is through charity that we can best teach right from wrong to our children, when we keep it in balance with the rest of our life.When I see members of the Tea Party such as Ron Paul say,”Why should I have to pay because they lost their Beach house in a storm,” I can relate to what he is saying but I do know that if we ever reach the point in America that all Americans develop,” that me first and only attitude,” we will fail to exist as a Democracy or we will become a Country without a conscious.

The point I am making today is if we give with our compassion,time or money and have expectations in return every time we do, then we should not spend the rest of our lives obsessing over the fact that we got nothing back in return when we keep giving to the same person or people who never will return their own compassion,time,or money, but instead will mistreat us or betray us.

If we are not willing to learn through our own feelings of making a mistake  but instead assume or insist they pay us back in kind, we are only hurting ourself through denial or assumption of their being the people we think they should be rather than the person or people they are. When we do an act of kindness we should understand that it is its own reward instead of having a view of injustice when it is we who are acting irrational. There is a reason that the cliché’ exists and it is,”No good Deed shall go left unpunished.”  It is the quickest way there is to teach each of us two things and those are:  How secure are we in giving and do we have an ulterior motive when we give? Clearly if we are going to obsess about how we got burned from 3 to 30 years, then we pretty much have our answer, don’t we?

The whole point of giving is the comfort we gain when we look ourselves in the mirror or lay our heads on our pillow at night and know our joy of living is complete.  It should never have either a price or expectation on it, beyond the fact that we are comfortable enough in the act of giving and in our own emotional health that we are made complete as a result of doing so. If we are giving when we don’t wish to give then whose fault is it if no one is there to give us a hand up when we fall? We need to determine our own limitations as well as the past history of others who we do deal with and if we are emotionally strong enough to continue dealing with those we are obsessing over.  If not it is way past time we acknowledge that we no longer have a role to play in their lives and if the cost is walking away then we do so.  Ask yourself,”If this person’s need had led to starvation,suicide, or accident would that had made you feel bitter because you got nothing back from them?

If  all of us had expectations of what we would gain in return for our compassion or when we gave, then none of us would ever enjoy life.  Trust me when I say,” if I am speaking about you, then would you please keep your time,money,or charitable work, before obligating others,establishing an image for yourself, or following through out of guilt, or you tell yourself you have an obligation to do so.” We all need to understand that giving isn’t done to gain personally and if it is, it will gain you nothing when it comes to peace of mind. It will instead only add to your own denial and inadequacies of just how out of keel with your emotional health you are or will become.  It will also drive all the rest of us right up a wall if we ever hear you obsess over it one more time!

The truth is those of us who care, which is the majority of us, are going to get burned by people like yourself, if we look at life as you do and ask to what can you do for me or how entitled am I, especially if you plan on giving nothing in return, unless you have strings attached to your generosity. A Nation that legislates by taking advantage of those who jeopardize their life for our freedoms,the sick or elderly who paid in,the poor and the hungry who teach us what real humanity is,or the disabled and disadvantaged who refuse to quit, while we pay for the wealthy tax breaks, is a legislature out of touch with the needs of the people who they take an oath of office to protect.

Those who give back to all of us, through their inspirations and constant struggles and those who teach us unselfish dedication along with giving us the hope through their own strengths,are the people we need to help and certainly over the greed of the people who wouldn’t waste their time trying to understand what real struggle or charity is unless they stood to gain. If we are going to call ourselves civilized or a Democracy, we cannot continue to reward bad behavior in favor of good behavior.

Our giving to those in need, as a Nation and through our tax base, is what should give all of us peace of mind. Knowing they have been there for us in the lessons we should have learned from them and the struggles they made for us or the hope they offer us, needs to be paid for by a grateful Country. To hate or obsess over doing so only indicates to the rest of us, you fail to appreciate those of us who will care for you, even when you have expectations in return. So can we quit obsessing and get back to compassion? Please stop the hurt and hate in you that feeds into driving your obsessions of feeling like you got burned, so those who do care about you, want to spend time with you.

I hope this brings a smile to the face of those of us who can remember a time in our life when we were to wrapped up with the negative side of life and to you who understand about which I write.  It would be equally as wonderful if it offers sage advice to those who don’t.  Remember the advice given by someone much wiser than I and it goes like this,”I asked you how you were, not how your ailments are?”Make life work for you in the best manner you can and then add others when you are strong enough to understand your own strengths and weaknesses.  Life takes a lifetime to get it right for a reason, with peace of mind following when we do.

Enjoy the empathy and compassion granted us through out our life as to destroy it is a real waste! Life really is too short to waste it in upset and hate, while obsessing over those who we make assumptions about according to our own extreme beliefs! Loving those who cannot love others because they cannot love themselves makes it even more difficult for those of us who try.   Understanding that as individuals we have a right to choose just as you do, goes a long way towards healing our Nation, and is the goal of all of us without your hate in it, hopefully with that  lesson learned in our election. Despite that hope the hate will continue if we do not put a stop to it in our Churches, legislatures,media, and lives.

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Many times in a marriage or a close relationship and while raising children we will see emotions that not only appear out-of-place but they are,for instance, depressed people will quite often laugh or people who have feelings that are hurt will get angry when both would do better to acknowledge their feelings have been hurt or they are feeling sad.  To often relationships will end or be pulled apart because we do not understand our own emotions.

In dysfunctional homes, which comprises of the majority of homes, children are not allowed  to have or to express emotions or worse yet, they are mocked for having these feelings.  As a result of stilted emotions in childhood, many of us do grow up in denial of our own true emotions.  Boys and men have been told for generations that a show of emotion is a sign of weakness just as women have heard for years that they are too emotional to lead. We now know both are the thinking of backward beliefs. We need to know that the Leaders of  business and the World do care about those who they lead and that they will make decisions affecting all of us based, on their concern for our needs and futures.

We just had an election where all Americans were concerned because Romney did not show emotions so we felt the candidate lacked sincerity.  Emotions that are denied in both genders often leads instead to stilted leadership and unfair practices in both business and government and leaves people feeling that the person lacking any show of the same is untrustworthy. When we deny or hide emotion we cause an imbalance of stress in not only our lives but those who share our life with us.

Those under the most stress will often deny that they have stress while often times those who cause stress in other people’s’ lives will be the first to complain that they are under a great deal of stress. Sometimes they are taking their own stress out on others but many times it is used as an excuse for poor behavior on their part as well.  People other times are relieving their stress on others, without even being aware that they are. Determining our own stress related causes is especially important due to the many stressed related diseases that do lead to death in not only ourselves but our loved ones as well.  When it does not affect our health,which is rare indeed, it often leads to the end of really important relationships in our lives.

Too many times we just keep going on and never-changing our patterns in life and in doing so the stress builds up in us.  In areas where noises are constant such as  traffic noises, or trains and planes passing, we may be suffering stress and be totally unaware of the stress caused by noise factors.  Parents have been yelling at children for generations because the loud music teenagers often play, may be relaxing to some, while it causes stress in others.

When children feel stressed we quite often find that they will begin to bicker with each other.  When they are not under stress they will play together in harmony.  When we buy a child under stress a gift or set them in front of a television we do nothing to alleviate the stress they are feeling.  If we send them to their room instead of setting them down and asking them why they are exhibiting inappropriate behavior their stress will continue to build. Other times if we ask them to think about why they are behaving the way they are and to report back to us when they have figured it out, they will come up with their own answers. Other times they will blame others before they understand that their own emotions are coming from eternal changes happening in their own bodies.

Children are no different from adults in that to often, instead of dealing with the truth of their emotions, they will blame the closest to them for their own bad behavior.  Many times it is, we the parents who are accused to be at fault by our children and too many times,out of a feeling of guilt, because we parents have not dealt with our own emotions, we will reward instead of punish their bad behavior.   There are many different ways in childhood, when stress occurs, and our emotions get dismissed,ignored, or criticized. If we reward bad behavior instead of discussing it because we are buying off our own unresolved guilt we can create a monster no differently than we create the same future adult through cruel and abusive treatment in childhood. Other times bad behavior is better explained through chemical imbalances in the brain and our children need early intervention at this time.

When we add abusive punishment to an already stressed child we risk ending up with two kinds of adult behaviors.  We may either have very angry adults or we have adults who live in denial of their own emotions, so they stuff their feelings instead of acknowledging them and releasing their emotions through expression.  When people stuff down  their emotions  they often exhibit their emotions in other ways such as in over spending or shopping, being overtly sexual in their behavior, turning to drugs and alcohol,weight gain or lost,or excessive sleeping.

Many dismissed or ignored emotions are the explanation for why angry adults are not aware their own anger lies in hurt feelings from childhood instead, and why they live and breathe the idea that others are to blame when they become angry or withdraw.  Too often we hear abused partners in a marriage or a relationship say but they are so kind and thoughtful when they are not angry.Other times adults will withdraw emotionally and use it as a form of control over others who are left wondering, sometimes due to their own insecurities, if they said or did something wrong.  Both behaviors are terribly destructive not just in the life of adults but in the lives of children as well. When we give children excuses for poor behavior without taking time to understand their bad behavior they will often times grow up and excuse poor behavior in others and sadly it does reach the point that they accept abusive behavior through the reasoning that they love the abuser or they become the abuser themselves.

When we do leave abusive relationships because we recognize how destructive they are to us, we need to get professional help, many times, to understand what it was in us that allowed someone else to mistreat us.  If we try to go back into a relationship without resolving our own emotions or discussing our differences with them, we will only repeat the mistakes of our past. They will not change or become less abusive just because we wish them to.

If the other person in the relationship, tells us they want to start all over and leave the past unresolved, too often we only rehurt ourself all over again because the same words or behavior that hurt us in the past will keep reoccurring unless both of us are strong enough to talk it through and to put an end to it that is welcoming and calming to both of us.  Just because we wish to change does not mean they do as well.  Too often people who live their lives blaming someone other than themselves, also die that way.We often find this to be true when adult children try to make up with a parent or spouses try to reunite.

Stress related diseases are not found in the remains of the caveman so how do we explain that foraging for food and not knowing if they ate or not was not stressful? The explanations can be as complicated or as simple as we make them.  More than likely, it is the simple explanations; they did not know differently because they lived in an isolated environment in communes where everyone else shared their same lifestyle,  competition to succeed was not a part of their environment, nor were outside aggravations from other influences that affect modern man a part of their lives, everyone was dependent on everyone else in their group for their survival so when problems arose or they needed to hunt together,they worked the problems out through communication or they were not pressed for time because their lives were less complicated.  The stress that we experience was not a part of their lives and therefore the stress related diseases that we see today, were not present either.

There are a number of ways that we can relieve stress that do not cost money and bankrupt us as adults with the most important one being to listen to our children and to validate their feelings.  We can go out together as a family for pizza, to the park, or camp out and go fishing, go to the beach, take time out of our busy days to walk together or to set together at the dinner table and discuss our days.  The things that we do with our children together, is  what helps make them grow up as calm adults.  Placing them in an activity while we send them in a car pool does not replace that family time that children crave.

In a relationship men need male bonding as much as women need female companionship.  If we do not trust our relationship or marriage enough to accept that there will be times in all of our relationships and marriages that we need to give each other space then, more than likely, we should not make plans to commit to the relationship for life.  Trust is the necessary foundation of all relationships and without it we are only lying to ourselves if we cannot trust enough to let go.  Women quite often need to release stress through hobbies or crafts just as men do through sports or hunting or both need space to paint or write.  It is o.k. to play or watch sports, to hunt or share a hobby together, but to become inseparable when we are young, will usually cause more problems in the relationship than what we will find when we give each other the space we each need, to develop our own interests and responsibilities separately,occasionally.

When we are dealing with a marriage or an adult relationship, many times it is a necessity to have space from each other. We both should be aware of the person who refuses us the necessary space because they could very well be possessive or interested in forming a relationship of co-dependence, that shuts out all of our other important friendships and family members.  It is not always the inseparable couple who are the happiest.  Quite often it is the opposite of a happy couple, but instead a smothered couple.

In any relationship it helps to have other interests that gives us space as we need separate space just as much as we need shared space.  Sometimes when days off are limited, in marriages as in friendships,or families, it does help to take separate vacations if our interests are not shared.When we are a young family then it is always  wise to use our days off to expose our children to other parts of the Country or World so they are not intimidated when they need to move on with their own lives.  It does us well to understand that vacation time can be just as stressful on children as it can be on adults.  It’s always best to start with short trips and limited days until they get older.

Absence may not make our hearts grow fonder, so to speak, but we often find out that the reason we are feeling bad has nothing to do with the person we are blaming but everything to do with our own inability to deal with our own unresolved emotions from another happenstance in our lives, when we make space for ourselves and take time to reflect. This does not mean that we do not make shared time and interests just as much of a priority and we remain close as a couple because if we spend too much time apart we can become a high risk couple as well.  Like everything in life it is about balance while recognizing the importance of sharing our time as well.

I caution all of us to think before we find our own behavior destroying our own lives, when we instead are blaming it on others who truly do care about us and are innocent of our own hurt feelings or anger. At the same token, I caution everyone to think equally as hard about the solutions that will be resolved prior to going back to an old abusive relationship or starting a new one, since past behavior often indicates future behavior. When people begin lying to themselves about their emotional history, in order to believe their own lies or to embrace denial, reality is no longer their long suit and they become totally unaware of the fact that they are lying to themselves as well as their loved ones.

Sometimes  people,who refuse to accept responsibility for their own poor behavior, really are at fault when it comes to the hurt in us. We are in trouble if we are making too many excuses for them by rewarding bad behavior and taking responsibility for it ourselves. Other times we may be blaming others because of our own unresolved emotions. If we do not allow people to mistreat us they cannot mistreat us but we need to be certain it isn’t we who are mistreating ourselves the most.

If we cannot resolve these issues on our own it often saves the best relationships we will ever have, if we seek out professional help, before we end the relationships. If communications are impossible because they refuse to take shared responsibility for the problems in our relationships or we refuse to hear what they are saying, then we need help.  We cannot force others to view the problems the same way we do or see problems when they were not aware that any existed.

If we cannot afford counseling then a good friend who understands what makes others tick, because they have experience in life, may be able to help us, as long as we do not blame them for failing to say the things we want to hear.  If we find them agreeing with us instead of pointing out both sides, then seek out someone else because they are not challenging us to see beyond our already written in the stone beliefs. People tell us not to make rash judgements for a reason with the main reason being ,when we do, we often hurt ourselves far worse than we do anyone else if we fail to deal with our own emotions,first.

Be kind and know that unless we resolve our own emotional history we will not find the joy we seek nor will we find it in someone else.  It is true, “that familiarity often breeds contempt,” because those who truly care about us are the closest to us.  Many times we also know them better than they know themselves, and we make it more difficult for them to make excuses or to lie to themselves when they know, we know the truth, and they refuse to take responsibility for their own emotions or behavior.

We can also be the first hurt by those who are in denial of their own emotions, as we are the ones who often get lied about the most since the goal of the person in denial is to protect that denial at all cost. As difficult as it is in the beginning, if they are not willing to deal with reality in time, we begin to feel the relief of being out of their drama and realize the value of being free from the same, once we do heal.

No one but ourselves can make us happy or at peace with others.Nor is it their job to do so. Other people can add to or compliment our own happiness or joy only if we have already found happiness through our own approval of self, and acceptance of others’ rights to find their own happiness with or without us. At the same token other people can only destroy that inner-peace in us, if we give them permission to do so.

It is very difficult work that is involved and often takes years of laying our heads on the pillow content with knowing we do feel complete because we have given much more to life than we have subtracted from it. We also must be aware that to be real, our contentment in life never wavers no matter how many times it gets challenged,as it will be challenged many more times in life. We cannot mistake what I am writing about with the narcissists who feel they are entitled to everything they get.

We must be cognizant of the fact there are people who are more content with being a victim,due to their delayed or stunted emotional growth, than they are with being a winner. We need to accept that many times those we think we are the closest to are the most toxic to us, just as we must learn to accept those we think are our enemy often times are our best friend. People prove their loyalty to us time and time again but sadly too many people often put their faith in those who don’t support them, because the people they protect lead them into believing they are a victim.

It is the nature of mankind to react to tragedy and injustice when we see it and if we are not selfish by nature, we offer help and support, to those who truly do suffer.  Unfortunately there are those who prey on that factor and want us to feel they are a victim as well.  Too many times those who do not deal with their own emotional history will  use our naivety or kindness to their advantage to manipulate those of us who do care. It especially occurs in those who do not take a good long hard look at themselves and ask,”Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes and hurting myself in the process.

It is nice to write about something other than politics again and now that we are done celebrating our Country’s victory, some of us need to get to work on our own victories. It often entails hard work when we do wish to be honest with ourselves and others. The efforts to know ourselves are greatly rewarded when we do.

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We keep hearing how Mitt Romney will do so much better on turning around the economy and gaining jobs for the people and  women especially, because he is such an astute business man in comparison to President Obama so lets check the facts.

In the last year alone while Mitt Romney has been unemployed and campaigning for 6 years, the OBama Administration has added 1 million new jobs for women alone.  While Mitt Romney was governor of Massachusetts in the 1990’s when the economy was at its best, Massachusetts fell to 47th in the Nation when it came to job creation.  Mitt was such an unpopular governor that he knew better that  to run for the second term as his own resources told him he would lose and lose badly.  He is telling the people that he did not run again because he accomplished what he wanted to do in the first term.  If taking a State to a record low in job performance is the job he wanted to do then why are people falling for the idea that this man can create jobs, other than for the millions of dollars that are pouring into his campaign from unknown sources or just because he can out lie everyone else?

We know that the OBama Administration has filled all the 4.2 million jobs that were lost on his watch in just over two years.  The jobs lost before He was sworn in as President were lost by Companies sending jobs over-seas and still receiving tax breaks from  “We the People.” Clearly the OBama Administration is creating jobs at a much better and higher rate than what Mitt Romney has any experience of doing.

The jobs sent over-seas during the Bush Administration will only come back to America when the expense of paying Chinese and India workers become more troublesome and less cost-effective.  These are not jobs that Mitt Romney will win back when he has announced that he plans to go back to the Bush years when these jobs were lost and take off the regulations that led to the greed and lost of jobs.  None of us have to be able to understand the economy to understand that much.

More and more economist outside of Washington as well as more inside of Washington have said that the economy and unemployment both can be turned around at greater rate than it has been currently, if we just got the Republicans out-of-the-way of the OBama Administrations efforts to do both.  A couple of the most respected economist have even said that we could do it as quickly as 18 months if the Republicans would back off and start working with the OBama Administrations efforts to do so.

The OBama Administration placed regulations back  on Wall Street and banking and they have still made money, even though the Republicans, Mitt Romney as well,  claims that this restricts Capitalism. If this were true then the Dow Jones would not have raised from a low of 7800 the last year of the Bush Administration back to its normal range during the Clinton years of  1300 plus.  When the Republicans yell that regulations placed on Banking and Wall Street lowers our gross national product and ties the hands of Capitalism then clearly  the Dow Jones would not have risen during the OBama Administration. Regulations placed on them only helps prevent the greed of the “rich getting richer,” at a lost to the working poor and middle class.

Despite those facts, Mitt Romney, on the campaign trail,  is saying he will bring back a robust economy and give jobs if elected, because he will take off regulations.  We know for a fact that this slowed the economy to a stand still in the previous Administration.  We all have been paying for that mistake as will our grandchildren pay as well for it.  Mitt says nothing about how he will be able to manufacture jobs other than to remove regulations while bragging about his great business ability that made him and the Companies he worked for richer.  When “We the People” or the middle class do not have discretionary spending or jobs then we know the economy will not recover without regulations on Wall Street.  The Bush Administration proved that to us already.

When we see what a mess that lifting regulations created during the Bush Administration then we know the tax payers were forced to bail them out, and we have a good idea of what greed does when left unchecked.  This along with getting rid of Planned Parenthood, Passing the Marriage Amendment that would deny woman equal rights, and laying off people by getting rid of Government agencys that protect us from consumer frauds and bad goods to education and housing for the working poor are just a few of the ways Mitt Romney wants to help women and Americans in general.

When Mitt Romney ran against Ted Kennedy he campaigned on the fact that he had created 10,000 new jobs.  He has not worked a day since then but now that he is running for President these same 10,000 jobs have grown ten-fold and he now claims to have created 100,000 jobs and we can bet it will raise to at least a half of a million jobs the closer we get to November because of  the lack of truth being told by the Romney and his campaign from the beginning.  The lack of truth will get worse before it ever gets better. If we hold our breaths waiting for the truth to come out of Mitt Romney’s mouth we will all succumb to our own demise.

When both Newt and Rick Santorum called Mitt Romney a liar or Mr. Etch-A-Sketch  it was because he is the same man, with the same lack of character as he was when running against them, and that will not be any different, when running against Barack OBama. Those statements were the honest and truthful statements that came out of the Republican Primarys.  Just because he says he will create jobs, does not mean that Mitt has a history of doing so without firing 2 to every 1 he hires. When we realize that Mitt was highly invested in Wall Street at the time greed ran rapid with his own Over-Seas Bank Acounts, and he himself has admitted that was how he gained his own wealth, then don’t we have an even better idea as to why Mit’s concern  is for the wealthy?

Before you vote just ask yourself this question,”Will I lose my job and pension or 401k  so that Mitt  Romney can create a job with less pay and benefits  for another person?” When you answer it honestly,since that is the business acumen that  Mitt got as governor of Massachusetts and at Baine Capital, then you will have a much better understanding of just what kind of jobs Mitt Romney will create. Mitt Romney has never created jobs but instead has created wealth for the wealthy.

Mitt Romney while govenor and 8 years of Republican control truly gave “We the People” nothing other than the working poor and middle class, “got another day older and deeper in debt.”  What miracle has taken place in the Republican Party that would change that, pray tell? Does the fact that Boehner and Mitch McConnell, both have announced that they plan to continue doing nothing  about jobs for ” We The People,:  and the fact the right-wing conservatives only goal is to defeat President OBama, while Mitt Romney plans on lowering taxes for Billionaires another 4.6 trillion and adding it to the deficit, give any of us any hope on the future of jobs or our economy if Mitt wins?  Vote in November.

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At a time when we have all these right-wing zealots and the Republican Party spouting off about marriage having been about one man and one woman for 3000 or 5000 years,depending on their own lack of knowledge on history or deliberate attempts to wipe out the same, let’s get real and tell the truth on the subject of marriage.

Although the Bible is not a good barometer of use when it comes to accurate dates in history, due to the difficulty of understanding the language and errors made in interpretation and differences in cultural ideas of time lapses as to what length of time meant accurately, I will begin with it. As Americans we are and have always been made up of different beliefs or Faiths and certainly are not all Christians, so as to not to offend or to give the  Mitt Romney view that,” America is One Country under Christ instead of his acknowledging God,” the Bible is the most accurate Book to use when explaining those who would defeat equality in America through adding the “Marriage Amendment to our Constitution.

“The Good Book” has been used  to promote predjudice in America since the invention of the Republican Party. The people who protest the right of civil unions between gay people, use the Bible as their basis to interfere with the Constitution of the United States as to why they have a God-given right to deny gays their Civil Rights.It was not all that long ago that the Bible was still used against,women, minorities and marriage of different faiths and different races, to deny them equality as well.

No one, the Republicans included, can come up with an accurate reason to strip the Civil Rights away from the gay population so instead they, Mitt Romney included, talk about adding Amendments to the Constitution to do that for them.  It is not enough for them that women,minorities, Jews,Japanese and people of other Faiths have had to fight against this same bigotry and illegal action in the past in order to save their own Civil Rights.  What is sad are those who have apparently forgotten their own battles against this same hate movement in America and now want to deny the rights of others, in my opinion.

In the Bible we read that King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines.  Abraham, the Father of Religion, first wife could not bear children as she was barren and he took a second wife in order to produce his prodigy.  We know of wives who took many husbands in the days of the Bible when their husbands were killed off in wars or when women were rare in the areas. The argument that marriage has been between “one man and one woman'” for 3000 to 5000 years that they are making today only holds true if they mean one woman at a time up to as many as 700 as in the case of King Solomon, or up to two in the case of Abraham. Please understand that these are only two examples that I use here, that clearly disputes  their argument when they try to use the Bible to prove their point. The same Bible that those who profess to be devoutly Religious use to deny the rights of gays is apparently put away when it disputes their own words.

When we have people like Tony Perkins saying marriage has been between one man and one woman for 5000 years and he claims to be a head of research then we should all be concern about the inaccuracies on marriage being thrown about.  It is especially significant when we know and understand that Tony Perkins was a member of the Republican legislature for two terms and heads  what he calls the Family Research Council.  That dude has to be one pathetic researcher as not even the Bible backs his claims.( I apologize for my temporary delay on the subject of marriage but if we do not understand that these people abound in the name of Christianity or that the Carl Rove sponsored group has received 77 million dollars by “unknowns” we do not get a clear picture of what is happening to the rights of the American People in the name of “marriage.)

In Europe and elsewhere in the World, marriages had many practices that a civilized World has refused to practice and as a result marriage has evolved since the beginning of its institution when mankind has evolved and become more civilized. In the past   marriages were often as a result of cousins marrying cousins and was a practice that was carried to the New Country called the United States of America after the Revolutionary War.  Polygamy was still a common custom and there were times that brothers even married sisters in an effort to escape war crimes and prosecution.

When women were barren or unable to have children it was a common practice for brothers or cousins to loan out their wives to bear children to the  men whose wife could not bear children or who were not married. Without the use of their brothers wives they could not become fathers and bare prodigy to help with the work on their land. Priests and ministers who knew of someone in their Churches or Parishes who were not married or widowed and had children to be raised often arranged marriages sight unseen.

Some people today in America still have arranged marriages as was the custom between adjoining land owners still in America well past the turn of the twentieth century. Marriage has evolved over the years in many different patterns and many different ways since the beginning of mankind.  Since women were the property of men they were unable to deny these unions when their fathers or husbands spoke.Since women were considered the property of men they could not legally inherit that which their fathers or husbands owned  when the men died.Women were nothing more than the modern-day slave under the name of marriage, without any rights or voice at all, until they won the right to vote. Even then the turn around has been a slow progress.

What is happening in the name of the  Marriage Amendment that they are pushing today is nothing more than a return to those days. In an effort to ban the Equal Rights Amendment that made it possible for women to share equally in what they helped earn, through death and divorce,women are the most wealthy in America today.  This wealth and power frightens the bigots along with their concern for the increase in divorce. Because women make up the majority of voters, today, these Christian sponsored groups with the help of the right-wing legislatures are trying to eliminate the divorce laws in the Marriage Amendment. When the laws changed 40 years ago, men and women were no longer lawfully bound to abusive marriages or made to stay in miserable marriages. The movement to deny divorce is part of their involvement in the , “one man one woman” Marriage Amendment that they want to add to the Constitution. (again I digress from the history of marriage, but  it is important that I do)

In America polygamy was still the norm well into the 1800’s and would be outlawed twice once in 1861 and again in 1882.  The only way that  Utah was allowed to gain its Statehood was to deny the practice of polygamy It would not be until 1910 that the Church of Later Day Saints would finally ban polygamy entirely.  Fundamentalist Mormons still practice it in more tolerant States today. Family members marrying their own direct lineage would not be banned until the turn of the 20th Century. If people of mixed race tried to marry they were imprisoned up to and including 1957.

When we hear Mitt Romney say that marriage has always been between one man and one woman for 3000 years we need to know and understand that many civil liberties in marriages, have both been taken away from women in these Unions as well as many extra liberties are given to the male population, in the name of marriage since the beginning of any type of marriage. It is especially curious as to why Mitt Romney, who himself is  an offspring of plural marriage, would say,”Polygamy would be just awful,” when his own father’s birth-rite is as a result of the same and his grandfather escaped to Mexico instead of giving up his plural wives.

1000 new bills have been added in the States by Conservative Judges and Republican legislatures banning women to the rights of procreation as well as their own health issues,in just the last two years, which is demonstrative of the drive under-way to once more deny women the ability to make decisions for themselves and would relegate all women once more to the position of second class citizenry by these fanatics.  If we do not think that what is being done to the gay community in America is also being done to us then we have not tuned into what is really happening with these Republicans who are producing bills against our own rights.

When we understand that marriage evolves as mankind becomes more civilized, then we understand even clearer what his movement backwards by the Conservative right and Tea Party right-wing is doing to the freedoms of all of us who have already fought the battles for our civil rights and won with the addition of the Equal Rights Amendment in 1971. Although the gay population is also included in that Amendment their rights are still denied them under the definition of marriage by the Churches in America.

With the movement of the Republican Church backed Amendment being added, in the name of marriage of,” one man and one woman,” to the Constitution then we all are in jeopardy of losing our rights all over again, as well. When the working poor and middle class Americans understand the injustices that are being carried out right under our own noses in our own States where there is a majority of Republican legislatures led by Tea Party sponsored governors, who will do to away with all of our rights that are protected by government and our Unions with  the addition of the “right to work laws” and all the way to the”one man and one woman” bill in the name of marriage, then we should also understand the need to fight inequality against all Americans, including the gay population.

When we as a free Society, vote to eliminate rights for one American population, we vote to eliminate rights for all Americans,ourselves included with added time, because of the inclusions they keep hidden in these bills when they pass them.  We need to rip the mask off of what is being worn as a disguise in the name of marriage by these right-wing Republicans who are being bought and paid for by the backers of Carl Rove and the Tea Party, before those who pay for our demise  will become the ruling class of our free Society, at an even greater risk to the working poor and middle class.

If we do not stop them now, then it isn’t just the gay community who will continue to lose their equality under the law but all of us who will lose our equality in a Democracy,as well. These bigots really do want to take us back to the Revolutionary war era and do not call themselves Patriot groups because they have the rights of the working class at heart.  All we need to ask ourselves is what jobs bill have the Republican majority offered or passed in 10 years or what jobs are they offering us, the working poor or middle class that they keep talking about, Mitt Romney included? Vote to stop their drive to deny “We the People” our equality in November by voting out the Republicans in our States and in Washington, while we still hold the power over them.

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It was not that long ago, when we consider the amount of time than mankind has lived, when we or our family members were all on the list of the despised and hated.  The Republicans need to acknowledge that their time of discrimination has ended.  A new wave of acceptance has reached America.

Just as the Republican Party, the Churches, and the red necks of America fought against the acceptance of a Catholic President, a Black President,  and while other’s believed the Mormon Faith was a  cult, the last prejudice against an entire sector of people in America is falling.  Even though the Republican Party and those remaining Churches who still refuse to accept the gay population of America have many friends and colleagues that are gay, they still are denying the equality to them than no man has a right to deny any American who pays into our tax base,fights for our Country, and  is a citizen of America.

When we ourselves are victims of prejudice we have a full understanding of the ways in which we are discriminated against and the names and ways the bigots try to hide behind Christian values, as a more endearing or kinder excuse to gain acceptance of their views, over that of acknowledging prejudice.  The argument against marriage in the gay community sounds eerily the same as it did before Jews could marry into the white population or the reverse discrimination when Jews were not allowed to marry outside of their faith,before Catholics could marry Protestants or again the reverse discrimination when Protestants could not marry Catholics, and before inter-racial marriages were allowed. We all felt that discrimination or our family members did when we fell in love with someone outside of our religious convictions and were not allowed to marry them without threat of excommunication.  The very people who were discriminated against, not that many years ago and those who still are, have clearly forgotten what discrimination felt or feels like and looks like when they were denied the right to marry because discrimination has always been raised to a higher level behind the excuse of Christian values.

For those who argue that the beliefs of the Churches  is not mean-spirited, that may be true to those who do not deal with the situation on a personal level, but when I remember being a Catholic and marrying a Protestant during this period of time, I can assure you it felt like hate.  To be told that my husband as a non-Catholic could not go to Heaven or the reverse from a Protestant mother-in-law that the Catholic Church was storing guns in their basement to attack non-Catholics while she tried her damnest to break us up and to invoke her Preacher’s name; it still is very difficult for me to believe that hate did not feed into these views of prejudice. It did not even come close to the hate during that same time and the Bible being quoted against the sin of a”white woman laying down with a black man.”  The views out of the Christian communities in the past as well as against the gay population today, are very much fed on hate when we are the people who are involved with loving the person who the Churches deny us the right to marry.

The Republicans along with too many of the Churches are dead wrong on this issue.  Either we are a Country of equality for all or a few in this Nation, that call themselves Republicans, are the ruling class of America and have the right to tell the rest of American people what  their rights and place in America are.  The last I remember they were not given the power to discriminate against anyone in our Constitution but instead only in their Churches.Seperation of Church and State is the law in America.

For Romney to say,” that the gay people have rights as they can visit each other in the hospital when they are sick,” seems to be a generous concession on the part of the Republican Party who has appointed themselves as the ruling class.  Without marriage children will always be considered ill-legitimate in America.  Without marriage a committed couple remains single for life.  Without marriage siblings have a larger right in many States to the property and assets that  a committed couple spends their lifetime working together to earn.  To claim that marriage is just the right of heterosexuals and to hide behind Religion sounds a lot like it sounded when slaves were refused the right to marry on Religious convictions when inter-racial marriages were wrong because of religious convictions, and when Jews, Catholics and Mormons were burnt out of their homes for fear that one of their children would marry a white Protestant, because they were considered to be lesser than the white Protestant, by the religious convictions in the community of their day.

How far back do we have to fall or how much rule will we tolerate giving over to the Republican Party over all of us, who are ourselves or family members of discrimination,  before we all vote for equality and justice for all in America?  When the same Party denies that the gay population falls into the arena of hate crimes, while voting against it, and they have a History of yelling, “Religious Convictions,” for 200 years now, haven’t we who are or were one of those discriminated against, forgotten our own roots?  It is time to quiet that over-worn excuse that allows their hate to grow while dividing the civility of the American people. Vote for equality for all Americans in November.

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The Christian Faiths believe in one God and the first commandment presented to Moses that states:”I am the Lord God and thou shalt not have  false gods before me.”  Our God is all-knowing, all-wise, and omnipotent with the vision to see into the future. He is one God only The Father,the Son and the Holy Spirit or better known as the Holy Trinity,in the majority of established Christianity, and has always been and always will be, and is not from this World. All Christians who believe in Christ,as our Redeemer, can go to Heaven regardless of gender.

The Mormon Faith also calls itself Christianity but varies widely from other established Religions in the Christian Faith.  The Mormon Church is in direct conflict with their belief of God.  They believe He is from the earth and gained Godhood.He has not always been  but will always be.  He has no vision into the future because man can only see the present and the past and since their god gained godhood while on earth he cannot see into the future.  They believe that God is all good and wise and all-powerful.  They believe that there are many gods as men of the Mormon Faith can reach Godhood or become Christ, as did God.  Women are not able to go to heaven on their own power but must be tied to a man of the Mormon Faith.

All other Christian Churches are under the guidance of the ordained clerical who in most cases spend many years studying theology(there are those who get their certificates by mail order, out of back doors or over the computer, in some cases as well); The Mormon Church does not have a clerical that are trained in theology but instead have lay men who run and head up their Church, and hold jobs elsewhere.  Christianity teaches that it is difficult for the wealthy person to gain Heaven unless they are aware of the fact that “to those who have been given much, much is expected of them”.  The Mormon Church also believes in charitable deeds and contribute a great deal to the poor through government subsidies like all  Christianity, but unlike Christianity, they believe that God smiles on the wealthy.  It is a direct sign to them, that regardless of how the wealth is gained, that their wealthy leaders meet with approval from God.  For that reason, unless someone is wealthy, it is not possible for them to be named a leader or a Bishop of the Church.

Mitt Romney is a Bishop of his Church.  Although it was long in coming, the Christian Faiths acknowledge battering,abuse, incest, and  child molesters even when it pertains to their own clergy. They allow for divorce and openly recognize abusive relationships even though many are still slow to grant divorce.

The Mormon Church refuses to accept the existence of any kind of abuse, be it molestation,incest or battering, publicly,but deal with it privately. Instead of acknowledging it publicly and reimbursing the victims, the Church  hires minions of lawyers whose only job it is to fight any and all accusations that come forward from the members of their Church.  They have so much money behind them that if they were not a Church they would head the list on the Forbes 500.  It is impossible to fight them in a court on an accusation of any kind of abuse or incest because they file case after case declaring  interference with Religious rights and hold it up in Court for years.  They exhaust the income of any law firm that tries, unless the opposing law firms merge together to fight against them.  Women and children are both sent home by the Bishops of the Church to try harder as neither equality for women or divorce exist in the Mormon Church or is possible. They still deny that women and children are abused by the men or members of the Mormon Church when it is quite obvious that both take place.

There are other factors that lead to the differences in religious beliefs but, I personally, have to ask what is it that upsets those who support Mitt Romney, who as a Bishop of his Church must put his beliefs first, that makes people accept values based on ignorance over those beliefs of President OBama’s acceptance of gay rights or equality for all Americans who he represents, as President?  Certainly, we all must understand that as an elected President of a free country, everyone’s civil rights and liberties must be protected by ALL of our elected officials.  To do less than that defeats what our Nation stands for to the rest of the free World and is a slap in the face of Democracy.   Honest men who show courage when others hide or lie is what we all need in order to maintain our own freedom and the guarantees that follow along with that freedom, regardless of race,creed,gender or color.

Mitt is entitled to have his beliefs  and feel deeply about them just as Christians are their own beliefs.  Government however is not intended to be led by religious belief and that is strongly Spelled out in our Constitution that many a young man and woman have fought and shed blood for or died for.  The families of our brave people continue to sacrifice greatly to defend all of our inalienable rights to a free society. It was also spelled out by Thomas Jefferson in his letter to the Baptist Church in the infancy of our Democracy.

What makes any of us feel more arrogant or self-righteous when it comes to refusing to accept the beliefs of President Barack  OBama, over that of Mitt Romney’s lies? Isn’t this the job of all Presidents of a free Society under our Constitution and his job as President? Shouldn’t all People  who believe in “Love thy Neighbor as thyself” also believe in  equality for all?  How is granting people of all walks of life the right to love each other and their families through  civil unions and marriage any different from the belief that we profess to have? If Mitt Romney is entitled to his beliefs and still able to run for President of these United States then isn’t Barack OBama equally entitled to embrace all of us equally in his acceptance of every American’s right to love over hate?

Either we are Americans who practice what we preach, through” loving our neighbors as ourselves” and are ready to defend the rights of both our neighbors as well as our fellow Americans and the Constitution that grants both Civil and Equal Rights to all Americans,without Religious interference, or at heart we are worse than those who we profess to be better than.

Congratulations President OBama as today you brought back the hope for all Americans who have been down trodden by the Republican Party for far too long.  We salute Your courage no matter how much Mitt Romney,the Tea Party, and the Conservatives will once more try to take it from you or cheapen the same!

The person who shows the most courage and honesty, and is willing to fight for equality for all of us, has proven to be Barack OBama, time and time again. To elect a man who openly defies the Constitution of these United States, as Mitt Romney has  declared he will do, should be a disgrace to all Americans who believe in equality and freedom for everyone. Vote for President Barack OBama and a Congress and Senate that will work with him, instead of against him, in November. It is time that we stop the wealth of this Nation and the dollars they pour into the campaigns as, “unknowns” from destroying both our economy and freedom for all of us.

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