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Archive for the ‘independent people’ Category

I am still surprised when I hear wives and young women being criticized by other women as to why they stay with their politician husbands, following the out break of scandal. Sure it may leave our own excuses or defenses a little more weakened as to why we make or made our decisions under similar circumstances, but is that any reason to point fingers, when others decide differently? In 2013 men are 100% responsible for their own behavior.

Yes, we can agree that the young women who are involved in sex or sexting and come forward and acknowledge their own poor behavior, are showing extremely poor judgment in believing they can some how capitalize on the same. To judge young women any farther than this, unless they become so outwardly obvious and acknowledge they are out for the almighty buck or to destroy a career, should not lie in the character of any of us who judge these often naïve and impressionable women; Nor does it further the equality of women to determine what is appropriate behavior when a woman does decide to remain in her marriage.  That choice belongs to the two people who are in the marriage to decide be they men or women.

Women have been manipulated by the powerful and branded as Jezebels since Biblical days in an effort to give men who behave poorly in sexual behavior, an out for their own sick and often narcissistic behavior. As women in America, we if not men, should be able to rise above the continuation of judgments against each other regardless of media exploitation, political leanings, or the circumstances of the same.

I have heard women, who are thought of as being credible accuse Huma Weiner of having political gain for herself and ambitions of her own as being the reason she stands behind her husband Anthony Weiner. Other people are accusing the young woman (I will not give her name credence or blame in my blog) of dressing sexy in order to trap Anthony Weiner. There is much more gossip against the women involved in the Anthony Weiner Sex Scandal but to repeat any more beyond this is to only add to the gossip.  When will women ever be able to dress in the manner they feel the most comfortable with themselves, before we quit judging them for doing so?

Accusing women of the faults that lie in men goes way back to the days of the discovery of the Old Testament of the Bible. When we realize the largest area of the Country in the region where the Old Testament of the Bible was written, was made up of  many Pagans before Christianity, then we need to understand also the culture present in the belief of its people at the time the old Testament was written.

We can understand why people who were raised generations in advance of Science held women responsible for the behavior of men because it was written In Proverbs, Chapter 23, Verse 26:My Son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe My ways, For a whore is a deep ditch and a strange woman is a strange pit. She also lieth in wait as for Prey and increases the transgressors in men.”

The belief was also promoted and still exists today that it was Eve who enticed Adam to eat of the apple instead of it being a mutual decision as we now know transcriptions clearly shows it to have been mutual and these artifacts have been preserved in the archives of the Church. As more Historical facts becomes available along with the knowledge of mankind changes we do need to consider both into our own moral framework as a civilized Society.

The Early Church so believed that married men who had sex with prostitutes were not responsible for the sin of adultery, because they were enticed by women and had no control over their own sex drive. They saw no separation between the animal world and human kind and judged the need of man to procreate or have sex for mankind’s survival as being on the same level between man and animal.

Sex with sheep amongst herders was not only practiced but acceptable behavior in its day. When Science discovered it was leading to madness and death in men due to an outbreak of syphilis then the acceptance of the same changed.

These beliefs were held well into the 17th Century but as the need for man to learn became more prominent it took the knowledge of Science to grow in order to gain knowledge about mankind and what free-will and intellect does as far as understanding the differences in what makes mankind the absorber of knowledge and truth over the animal kingdom.

Even into the Victorian era and yet today some Religions still refuse to give up the idea that even incest that takes place in children is not the fault of child or women entisement. The Conservative following have the numbers of rape due to incest, much lower than what in truth they still remain today. What we now refer to as sexual sociopaths was referred to as sexual deviants in the Victorian era and was just the beginning of the era in which men were being held responsible for their own sexual vulgarities.

Those Religions who throw out all study of Science still cling to the Bible verses of the Old Testament while totally dismissing the knowledge learned of men and sexual peculiarities or sexual predators, that we have gained knowledge of today through the knowledge of Science.

If we still have not learned that women do not create the character flaw in men who think they are too powerful to fail and that Science shows that it is more likely the absence of fathers in the home or early childhood abuse through incest that leads to feelings of rejection that increase the libido in both these women and these men, then what rock have we taken residence under?

Yes, both women and men who have reached adulthood are equally responsible for the choices they make in their lives.  When Anthony Weiner was made aware of his own short comings and illness and still behaved badly, by running again for public office knowing full well he was lying, then how can any of us judge his wife harshly or the women he continued to show his private parts to? If a mother is concerned about what the absence of a father, in the life of her child will make and decides to stay in the marriage, that is her decision to make without being called ambitious or any of us offering her anything beyond understanding.  Todays children need their parents in their lives and if the couple reaches an agreement on how they will deal with their marriage must we always feel their decisions reflects on all women?

If  young adult women are being manipulated or making a poor call of judgment that too should be their decision to make. Why do we so often see or hear those who seemingly have made the biggest mess of their own marriages or those who also behaved poorly when young women or men, too often become the harshest judges against other women or men?  Did we listen or was it our own responsibility to learn for ourselves, what our real values were or where we placed them?  Did we not have that right to do so?

We all should understand the options given all of us to use our own intellect and free-will should be the greatest entitlements that all of us will ever receive, shouldn’t we? What right does the media, un-related people, or pundits have of making any calls in the personal lives of people who use their own hearts and minds to call the shots in their own marriages or personal lives, have in the first place? If you don’t like the man, Anthony Weiner, then do not contribute or vote for him and if you are doing so for fear of what others may think then isn’t that more your problem than theirs?

The Karma we put out is also the Karma we get back, or if you prefer, “what goes around comes around”, and I suspect that was also the Plan of our Maker, when He gave both genders free-will and intellect from the beginning of mankind.  Who amongst us, has not already learned the same or will not learn it before we breathe our last breath? As the saying goes,” An unkempt garden, produces poor fruit”.   Does our own back yard need our attention or weeding?

As women we have enough Conservative movements underway who will deny us the equality already granted us before we have been successful in getting full equality, without attacking or sitting in judgment of each other.  As long as we, women, let the divisiveness amongst us continue to do so, we can all understand it will only cause further harm to those who most need our help. If it does not happen now, then it will tomorrow, or the next time we, ourselves or loved ones, need understanding the most.   I have learned to be a realist and understand what true unity requires of all of us.  Make it count!

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For those who have not been aware of the inaction in Congress to do anything, which I doubt there are many, the Republicans have sent Obama care to the Supreme Court to rule it unconstitutional only to have been proven wrong and it is now the law.  The Congressional Body has a lawful duty and were sworn into Congress to uphold the law. They instead have voted to either defund Obama care by holding the Country hostage or voted to repeal Obama care over 40 times while doing nothing else but denying food stamps and protecting the taxes of the 1%.  They have also increased pork spending to their State Constituency in marked increased spending, while campaigning on being fiscal conservatives and budget conscious.

Obama care is already saving premium costs and health care costs in the States where is has been adopted at even a remarkable surprise to those who favored Obama care.

The Republicans were out in mass force with their town hall meetings telling, all who attended why Obama care was disastrous to all of us, before it even passed the Senate and Congress.  The reason there is so much distrust against Obama care is because these same Conservative Republicans have tried for three decades to prevent the funding of all programs that were initiated by Roosevelt, Truman, and Eisenhower and to add Obama care only prevents them from moving ahead with turning Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and farm subsidies over to the private sector thereby driving up the cost to all of us.

Because the government Insurance company is 7 times larger than all the other insurance companies combined, it can and does buy medical care at a markedly decreased rate than what private insurance can provide.  By buying healthcare in a far larger block than what is possible by private insurance, The savings in premiums to us, along with the increased healthcare benefits we receive helps us, the premium payers. It drives down the costs private insurance can afford to charge for their premiums while stopping the cutting back on the coverage we get.

Private Insurance Companies and the Companies who provide Insurance have gotten by for years by raising premium costs and charging the workers more for poorer coverage while offering the Companies they insure incentives to use their insurance.  Obama care makes this obsolete and instead offers complete coverage to all Americans including those who have pre-existing disease.

Add to the Conservative drive and scare tactics against Obama care 40 Tea Party Anarchists in Congress who want Religion in control of government then we have a Republican Party made up of dictators who refuse to raise taxes on the wealthy, fund Obama care, pay the bills for the last two years, and “frankly, My dear”, do not give a damn,” if government shuts down. They all spout the same gobbly-gook to the contrary, of course.

Any agenda that comes to them from the President is automatic reason for them to do nothing but fight against it ever passing, while lying about why it would be a disaster to our Country, simply because it came from our President and Democratic Senate. The Tea Party only made the far right in the Republican Party even worse than what it was already as they then became controlled by an Antagonistic Conservative Party because they want nothing more than anarchy and are playing strictly to their constituency.

The Republican Party is in complete disarray and can agree on nothing other than they all agree on making sure that the taxes are not raised on those who can most afford it, minimum wage does not go up, and Obama care does not pass.  Their greatest fear at this point is if Obama care does pass and we the people all reap in the rewards of the same, they are  going to look like the fools we already know they are but also it will make their attempts to defund and turn Social Security and  Medicare over to private Insurance, through vouchers, that more difficult.

Anyone who thinks it is the fault of President Obama and the Democrats who initiated and passed affordable healthcare, to agree to continued delay tactics or defunding of Obama care and they should now agree with the Republican anarchists and dictators with their refusal to pay for Obama care, then I have to ask what triggers your thinking?

May I ask you if you seriously believe delaying Obama care for another year won’t mean just the same argument by these same Republicans to delay again for another year will not come up a year from now?

Do you really believe Companies like UPS won’t continue to hide behind the excuse of Obama care and cut your hours down or refuse to carry your spouse or children on your health care program?

Do you believe that 10,114 people will not die this next year because they could not get health care insurance?  Do you really think your autistic, asthmatic, cancer or heart patient child or a child who suffers a serious accident or your cancer ridden or dementia parent or yourself, will not reach their/your cap and be dropped from health care due to pre-existing health conditions, if Obama care is delayed for another year? If you don’t think any of this can happen to you in  a years time then how realistic are you?

Any of you who do not think a year matters, need to learn more about what Obama care does offer for those who suffer from pre-existing health problems and how much it currently cost you/us in premium increases because people who suffer from debilitating diseases and injury get dropped and cannot get coverage.

Do you really think that these same Democrats who spent hours on bringing healthcare relief to the people so they did not have to die or remain without insurance are now going to defund it while agreeing with the Republicans to refuse to pay for birth control including the morning after pill for rape cases, and believe that neither are at stake?

How does a President negotiate on another delay or with a body of Republicans that cannot even agree amongst themselves and when they do they attack every effort made by President Obama, to lessen the strain on the middle class, by refusing to vote on any agenda he puts forward?

These Republicans only want to blame rather than agree. To accept such an onslaught as the Republicans have attempted against our Constitution, is a slap in the face of Democracy.  The sooner we all understand that truth the sooner we will replace them with those who do want to solve the problems of Washington, in 2014 and 2016 and for now hold them responsible for the shutting down of our government and the calamity that will cost to our economy the longer government remains shut down, not to mention the lost of income to those who protect our Country in our military and security.

If we do not blame the Republicans for such insane actions and inactions, when they themselves have been lying to the American people and using scare tactics about Obama care for four years, then who should we blame?  Ourselves for continuing to elect them?  It’s a thought:)

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Through out history there has always been a mix between frustrations, amusement, and arrogance that allows mankind to justify their own actions.  The thinking of mankind has always existed, since the beginning of time and is not only prevalent today, but has always been.  The Human mind is not only complicated but also relatively easy to understand once we understand the role of greed that is clearly present in the mind of too many.

When we hear the Tea Party say that government has no rights to establish law on property rights as long as no one is acting against the civil rights of others, it may sound like a very natural belief or philosophy to have, and even inspire some of us who are tired of dotting our I’s and crossing our T’s to join their cause.  It is when we get into the history of why these laws have been passed or have been established, we start seeing that the Tea Party Libertarian’s belief has no depth or morality to it.

We all need water to drink and food to eat, in order to live.  Even soda and sugary drinks require water.  If government allowed property owners to run with impunity over others by dumping toxic wastes in our ground water or our air, then the entire Nation would ultimately die off. Those who produce our food  we eat would no longer be able to produce due to toxic waste, not only in our water but saturated into the soil as well.  Without government deciding the rights of everyone over those who do act out with impunity with the use of their property, no one would be held responsible for their careless or criminal acts against the entire Nation.

These careless property owners could not be held responsible for acting out against our civil rights with the reasoning of the Tea Party, under a dictator rather than a Democracy, since the dictator would decide if it was the right of the property owner to determine the rights of the use of their property over the needs of the people.

With this reasoning any lending institution could charge any interests rates they wanted to charge since it is their lending institution the usury laws against these lending institutions would be unconstitutional, by their justifications. Just as an apartment owner would not have to fix the drains or pipes in their buildings since they own the building and the renters property damage would not be the problems of the property owners because the property owner would have a right to do whatever they wanted with their property despite the rents they are paid, since clothing and the property of the renters  could be viewed as material goods over their civil rights to own property.

In the Tea Party’s attempts to present a picture of utopia to those who are limited by toxic waste, mining, or loaning practices, the presentation of, “We can do whatever we want to do as long as property owners do not offend the civil rights of others,” may sound justifiable in their world or utopia, but it is when we dig further, look at history before us, or even review import practices today, we will see the errors in their thinking. If we don’t want to look back but only deal with the present we only need to look at the recalls on people who are made sick on imports today that are not regulated by their government as our products are, and we can see the fallacy and misrepresentations of the arguments made when the Tea Party says, “Property owners can do anything they want with their property.”

“The Stand Your Ground Laws” supported with money and scare tactics from backers of the Conservative and Tea Party are a prime example of the justifications used by their reasoning.  Where it is true that we as a Nation are sick of drug users and gangs, who only exist because of the sell of drugs, breaking into our homes to steal there are too many of those in favor of these laws that have used justification over sound judgment. We are already seeing those who favor these  laws, who were not of the criminal element before, being able to justify criminal activity to get around hate crimes, to kill the innocent, or against law enforcement.

When it is clear to the World that not all people should be given passes to  the property of guns, we find each time  that fact is proven out,  more money flows out to make certain everyone has a right to arm themselves.  When efforts to pass gun laws against those who should never have access to guns are attempted in order to  protect the innocent, the stronger the lobbyists threats become against those who would pass laws to deny the use of weapons to the disturbed, under-aged, and careless gun users.

Even when a third of all deaths of children in our Nation are as a result of guns in the home, those same politicians who refuse to pass laws to restrict the use of guns in the hands of the unstable and immature are the first to scream out against the tragedy of innocent deaths. Instead these same politicians deflect the argument in favor of gun laws by the majority of us, through passing the blame of lost of innocent life elsewhere or through justification of the rights to bear arms. We all know that as long as there are no or only weak laws against gun ownership, as currently exists, more people will die needlessly, due to those who claim to interfere with the property rights of gun ownership is Unconstitutional,

The property of a gun in the hands of some will always interfere with the civil rights of others much in the same way the carelessness of neighbors in the use of their own property will as well.  Common sense alone should make us all understand that as long as people are careless or have criminal intent all arguments of the Tea Party about government passing laws to protect the best interests of the people through establishing property laws are a necessity in order to prevent further lawlessness .

When it was decided in the 1920’s to take cocaine out of products from cola to cough syrup the medical profession protested against drug abusers as being charged with a criminal offense over an illness and instead said it needed to be treated as an addiction to be treated by the medical staffs for the drug addiction it is. Both government, then, and the Churches said it needed to be prosecuted as criminal activity as they were able to point to and  justify  that families would be charged for an unnecessary expense, the drug addicts would steal to feed their addiction, and making it illegal and prosecuting them in a Court of law  would deter criminal activity.

As drug use accelerates in our Nation and fills our prisons we are seeing all the arguments used then to justify charging drug addiction as a crime fall apart, just as we did when laws were passed against alcohol with the same reasoning. Instead of it deterring people from the use of drugs  as government and the Churches thought it would, it has led to far greater crimes and torn apart families further, who if treated would have had the ability to lead productive lives and been spared from becoming  generational criminals.

Instead of passing mandatory laws to treat the drug addictions as it was suggested then by the medical profession, the justifications used in favor of jails have proven to be false, as it only increased the criminal activity. “The Stand Your Ground Laws” much like the laws passed due to drug addiction, is just  more justification towards lawlessness than it is to protect the rights of all Americans. Without laws passed by government to require mandatory treatment against drug use, however, we also make all the arguments against drug use being enforced as a mandatory treatment, just as problematic.

Without laws passed on property rights or against drugs by government, I will use an example of the predicament that a friend of mind is presented with, today.  With the passage of the loosening of restrictions against marijuana laws, in some States, she and her husband are confronted with problems that never existed before in the State.  They bought land to build a cabin on and to just enjoy both producing their own food and to enjoy life away from emerging population growths.  Since the passage of these bills are relatively new in these States, the laws have yet to catch up with the reality that is happening in these States.

Marijuana producers who have seen that there is money to be made in the trade of marijuana, both legally and illegally, are moving in and producing large amounts of marijuana, near the property sight of where my friend wishes to build their cabin on the property they own, even though these States limit marijuana growth to personal use. Because it is illegal to produce large amounts of marijuana in these States and because of drug cartels  coming across the border to get in on the possible cash cow that exists in legalization of marijuana, they are moving in to produce it in areas that had previously not been hampered by crime, or in what others might refer to as  the Wilderness.

Since it is illegal to produce large amounts of marijuana, due to it’s ill effects on our younger population and has been proven as fact by all experts in their field from medical, to social workers, to employers, and by law enforcement who makes the arrests, the people hired to grow marijuana on  these farms are of the criminal element. The use of marijuana and IF those who grow or smoke it are law-abiding and its use is for medical reasons may be justifiable for a greater need of the ill, but the argument of adult recreational use is only credible to those who already do use it and like alcohol comes with a far greater risk to the innocent and our larger population.

My friends who moved their camper and trailer onto their new property to start their cabin building project cannot hire credible people to come into the area to build because nothing they leave there remains by the criminal element in the area, who have been hired to grow the marijuana. My friends have found that to be true as well with the break-ins of their own camper and trailers and law enforcement has told them that they should clear out as the laws of the State, at this point, says that they can only keep the illegal growers under surveillance and prosecute the illegal people who are growing the crop, but they seem to know when law enforcement is coming and disappear before they arrive. Without laws being passed on the landowner who allows illegal growing of marijuana on his property, my friends are held captive against going ahead with their rights to use their property as they wish.

This was also true when our Nation was being settled by the first settlers in the West.  Large landowners would wait until smaller landholders proved up the land and then burn them out or run them out in order to take  over title to their lands. The same is true in Cities where a neighbor wishes to cut down a tree or limb on their property and it falls and destroys the house or roof of their neighbors. Just as it is with unlicensed builders or Construction personnel who build shoddy products  and require all people in the business to be licensed as well as be governed according to the greed of those who preceded them. Where zoning laws are not part of the towns and cities in the past, other laws have needed to be put in place as there had been a disregard of the cost of upkeep of the Streets and roads paid for others by heavy equipment or in other cases prostitution and the selling drugs and sexual predators have moved into school zones or suburbs.

Since laws are made and passed on property owners, out of necessity to protect all of us, the justifications and arguments that government is denying us our Constitutional rights, made by both the Tea Party and Conservatives, is more justification to aid those who have no qualms against careless or criminal acts than it is of sound reasoning.  The truth is: laws passed by government are always behind the carelessness or criminal activity of others. Property Laws are not made or passed until after other property owners have already had their rights trampled on.

The mind when it belongs to those of us who have little to no understanding of laws, can justify we all should be able to do anything we want with our own property, until or unless we are encroaching on the civil rights of others, can justify the argument made by the Tea Party and Conservatives. We can even be convinced that intrinsically bad laws passed by both the influence and power of the Conservatives  and Tea Party to protect individual rights over laws that protects the rights of all of us, are good laws.

The Tea Party and Conservatives passage of, “the stand your ground laws,” and the “right to work laws” in I believe 32 States now, are bad laws for the poor and middle class, just as imprisonment for drug abusers is.  The wealthy have always been slapped on the hands with 30 days or over-night imprisonment and then sent off to treatment centers, if jailed at all, while the poor and middle class drug abusers often spend years in prison. Both ‘the stand your ground laws’ and ‘the right to work laws,’ will enhance the rights of the wealthy who will ultimately be the only people who can afford to own property.

When we understand that “the stand your ground laws” have already been used as a defense to kill the innocent who only tried to take steps off their trip home by cutting across property, we only need ask if these laws can also be used to justify the killing of those who pick the crops in the field or orchards, do the gardening  work, clean stables, or clean the pools of the wealthy and try to collect their payments, or will meter readers, delivery people, or those who solicit be safe? The way the law reads now is; the property owner only needs to say they felt threatened by anyone who entered their property, in order to shoot to kill. Will hired guards be able to shoot to kill anyone  who comes in to try to help organize the workers to stand up to unfair labor laws in their place of employment, as they did in the 1800’s under,” the stand your ground laws? Will history, as it often does, repeat itself, before we understand just what bad laws these are?

When we take a clearer look at both ‘the stand your ground’ and ‘the right to work,’ laws, we recognize the ability to abuse the rights of the poor and middle class and to get by with doing the same abounds by those who can afford to own property. When we take it a step further we realize as the reduced wages in the poor and middle class is increased following the “right to work laws,” and as such over time the only people who will be able to afford property or to hire others will be the wealthy, it doesn’t take a long stretch of the imagination to be able to understand who will be hurt by these laws and who will be protected by both these laws.

The ‘right to work laws’ in an effort to eliminate government and Unions, adds to the end of the middle class as we know it, as both government and Unions establish rights for the workers.  With ‘the right to work laws,’ in effect to replace both government and Unions the rights of the workers along with minimum wage and benefits for the middle class and poor, is already being eliminated in favor of increased profits with over-seas workers and part-time employment, while the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. With talks going on between Wendy’s and Burger King to trade their workers back and forth to work half days at both places, by working  full-time  and working both places a half day, will eliminate the need for minimum wage, and benefits since part-time workers are not entitled to either. If it is successful we can bet other companies will follow.

It is with common sense and clear reasoning that we are  able to understand the need for property rights, restrictions, and laws that are fair and equitable to all of us, once we understand that not all people are as concerned as we are with a fair days pay for a hard days work, keeping out toxic waste from our land and water, or with the rights of those who do not have the ability to stand up to large property owners, criminal activity, or just careless neighbors, that government does need to intercede on behalf of the people without any of us yelling, “Unconstitutional.”

When mankind does quit using justifications to justify greed, criminal activity, and power over the less fortunate, then the argument may lay more in  favor of the Tea Party but until then, we need to understand that government does not make property law but people who disregard the rights of others, establish law that government is forced into making in order to protect the greater good of all of us.

If any of us are standing around expecting that mankind will change after thousands of years we aren’t really using the common sense we all have an entitlement to use. Have a great weekend and let up on the justifications, as they become to easy and habit-forming, instead just be honest and  accept that sometimes we are entitled to just be lazy and the “honey do” list or the “bucket list” can wait. We are all more complete when we do things as time and energy are part of our day so we can act on what needs to be done and when we confront life with common sense over justifications or excuses. Enjoy!

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I have tried to correct the grammatical errors in this post previously written by me but in doing so I have managed to take it entirely out of my own blog.  Suffice it to say, I neither have the time or the desire to rewrite the same but I will offer the jest of the same now.

Basically, I wrote that we women must also take responsibilities in the eroding of our own equality due to the often petty and jealous personality disorders that are often borned of the same negative views we hold towards each other. 

Unless we quit judging others who have never walked in our shoes and know we will never walk in theirs, place higher expectations on ourselves and our children than what we wear or what we pay for a pair of shoes, and understand that without Feminists none of us would have choices as to if we worked in the home or out of it, then we will continue losing our right to equality.

We must all understand that women who have the right to choose their own lifestyle and destiny are all feminists.

Before feminists, women were mere chattel that belonged to their husbands and took orders from the same. To be a feminist, who cares and acts accordingly for the rights of all women to determine their own choices, is neither a heretic or a dirty word.

In 2013 we all need to understand the history of women prior to the passage of the “Equal Rights Amendment.” Too many States led by the GOP are once more placing it under attack and weakening the foundation that guarantees women equality and the right to choose.

As long as working Moms think that stay at home moms are both too lazy and ignorant or too pampered to work or the stay at home moms think the working moms are too selfish to make the sacrifices, then we will continue to have division in our own ranks.

When older women who are no longer of child baring age think they have a right to decide for a victim of rape or make a decision against abortion for a woman who will certainly die in child birth if she is not allowed the choice, then we will continue to have division in our ranks.

When women of influence and means misguidedly think the closing of Planned Parenthoods across the Nation, who offers affordable healthcare to the poor, have nothing to do with their or their daughters’ and grand daughters’ own future screenings and birth control choices and they say and do nothing, then we have division in our ranks

When women who have been abused learn to arm themselves while women who have not and a third of all children who die, die from guns in our homes and both groups of women are at opposite ends of the spectrum, then we will still have divisions in our ranks.

When too many women believe that women who choose career over child birth or a single life over marriage are eccentric or selfish, then we will find division in our ranks.The list is long and often petty in the ways we women do divide our own best interests and we do need to take responsibility for the same.

It does us all well to understand there are pertinent truths and necessary facts, regardless of how unpleasant they may sound, when it comes to solving the problems of inequality that still remains in America yet in 2013.

I do not deny that the “Good Old Boy” system has been front and center for generations in dividing us and helping turn us on each other in so many of the political, religious and work areas of our lives. We must accept, however, to rely more on our own intelligence, intuition, sense of fair play, and common sense in knowing that without our permission or vote, we can not be divided in our own unity towards sister-hood.  

When we women are the biggest voting block in the Nation and the politicians often court us through dividing us, and sadly it is a fairly simple manner to do so, we must acknowledge our own role into why women are losing rather than gaining equality in America.

When women far out weigh men in numbers, education, and wealth but we are being denied equal rights by Conservative and Tea Party Mayors, Governors, Senators, and Congress elected members and all Republican Politicians  who support the GOP platform then isn’t something seriously wrong with the picture?

When we know full well that another election is just beyond the horizon in 2014, and these same politicians depend on our votes, then shouldn’t we be held responsible for not voting the GOP incumbents,who are running, all out of office?

Shouldn’t our common sense tell us, unless we are taken seriously as the major voting block in America by the Conservative and Tea Party majority, our right to equality will continue to erode? If we cannot do so for ourselves, then certainly we should be able to do so for our daughters and grand daughters.

Before we begin to criticize the fault in others, it would do us all well regardless of gender, to ask ourselves what it is we,ourselves, are doing right or wrong today?

When we worry less about what our neighbor does but join together in unity instead, without criticism, we often find the results are much more favorable for all of us.  Make it count and enjoy.

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This has been previously published by me but it does us all well to be reminded in the current environment that our children need to be made aware that we adults are always fighting for their need to feel secure and safe.

Sadly there are too many adults who claim to be representing the best interest of our children while neglecting the most innocent amongst us. I will continue to post reminders, every once in awhile, just as I did this post ,previously, until we all know that all of our children are safe:

I’ve heard it for years now that “children are flexible” and I have always wondered about the truth in the belief. It is true that children are more accepting than adults. At least in the beginning years of their lives.

Watch children playing at a playground side by side and one can readily see their acceptance of each other. They play together by playing around each other without really communicating. They reach the same place at the same time and one will instinctly go under while one goes over or one will squeeze to the side or stand back and let another pass without ever communicating the direction that each will take.

It is only later, say in about the 9th year of their life that they appear to start noticing the differences between themselves. Much of the cruelty we see in children comes from the environment of their own homes and is spread through out the school grounds or on school buses. I doubt that acceptance and flexibility are the same. I believe that children effected by trauma are no different from adults who are effected by trauma. We see so many obese children, with some being diet related, but isn’t there also the possibilty that children are stuffing their feelings down with comfort food no different from what adults do?

I know adults who have no memory of their childhood because they have learned to block it. Is it a learning that started in childhood where they began blocking trauma so have no memory of it as adults? Do quiet children who go off and play while saying little to nothing of their trauma as accepting as what we are made to believe. If so why do the symptoms of the same often wait to express themselves in suppressed memories through health problems decades later?

The medical field sees children younger and younger who are suffering from anxiety, stress related illness, psychosis, and other ailments considered adult related in the past. The arguments stand, “it is just a better ability to diagnose earlier.”

If so is that a symptom of children suffering their traumas in silence in years past? Children go into denial and start fanatasizing a better life for themselves, where abuse is present, and isn’t that in truth the same behavior we see in adults when their life doesn’t work according to what their plans for themselves were in their youth? Did this behavior begin in childhood and then just got set aside temporarilly when things appeared to be working for the adults who then switched to denial to justify why their dreams did not come true, later?

If children are so flexible then why do children of alcoholics grow up to be alcoholics? Why do children of abusers grow up to abuse? Why do children of drug users grow up to use drugs? Why do children of batterers grow up to batter? Why do sexually abused boys sexually abuse as men while sexually abused girls become promiscuous?

Many times there are a great deal of withdrawal symptoms in form of social developement in all of these children. It is not unusual that parents instead determined their child to be shy, emotionally immature, or sadly too often, “they are just happy normal children” when that is so far from the truth. I understand that none of these patterns of behavior are set and true in all children of parents that behave badly. Sometimes the children will actually use their parent’s behavior as a pattern as to how not to behave. We refer to it as learned behavior or environmental but isn’t it also possible that it is as a result of trauma in infancy or childhood and in truth our children are not so flexible, after all?

I maintain that unless, we as a Society, get over the idea that children are flexible and start paying more attention to them, when they do speak, that we will ultimately be inviting government into every facet of our lives. If we want laws that protect us, we must first begin with our children in order to eliminate the need of government in lesser degrees, in our lives later.

The long and short of laws and government is that if “we the people” are doing our job and accepting our responsibility then there is never a need for government to intrude into our lives. My experience has always been that government is an asset to all of us who pay our taxes, bills, take care of what we can afford and follow the laws of our States. When we can’t we should never be ashamed for asking our government for a hand up because many others are just a pay check away, themselves, from having to ask government for help. I have never seen the person who complained about their taxes going to the hungry who did not have to learn that lesson as well.

As long as children continue to be used as pawns amongst divorcing parents. Ignored, neglected, or bought off by the self-centered. Severely abused by the irresponsible, spiteful, or mean spirited parents, adults, or care givers or left to go hungry by the narcissistic personalities amongst us; then we are opening up the flood gates of government to move into all of our living rooms.

If any of those words seem to be harsh then consider yourself what words you would use when it comes to abusing an innocent child, neglecting a child because a parent ignores the child’s emotional needs over their own, or an adult believes children with less opportunity should be left to die of starvation? We all must realize our own responsibility or take a position on how to deal more effectively with the most innocent amongst us, if we truly consider ourselves human. If Americans cannot be grateful and give back then WHO? Luckily, most Americans do understand and realize that their own success has been as a result of generosity and opportunity.

Too often over-worked and under paid Children Protective Services only return these children to dysfunctional homes so they are offended again. When I think of some of the foster care homes that I have known, personally, I shudder. I do understand that in many cases they are a God-send over the abusive homes many of these children come from, just as well. As a Nation we should not have to be dealing with children in adult Courts on charges of murder. We need to do better for our children.

I leave it up to all of us, Do we really think that children are flexible or should we as a community be doing more to help or do we need to continue with the “mind my own business” theory that has ran the way of thinking for generations? The other thought that I will leave everyone with is,”How can we acknowledge that neglect, abuse and battering is happening” as long as we deny that it happened to us?

Doesn’t the responsibile amongst us have an obligation to help those who won’t take responsibility, when it comes to child care or do we wait until government enters our living rooms and then gripe about government being there?

Doesn’t it ultimately, become the responsibility of all of us to have less rather than more government in our lives? It is amazing how many of us never do have to deal with government once we pay our fair share of taxes, live according to law, and only deal with government when we collect our earned pension, GI Benefits, or Social Security checks. It isn’t like government is breathing down the backs of those who give of their time and good fortune, show children our love and develop responsibility through example, while obeying the laws of our States and Nation.

Why are so many Conservatives and Tea Party members, today, so disgruntled over healthcare for those who most need it, housing and Agricultural food surpluses provided for the homeless and hungry, early childhood education that often does mean the difference between pass or fail in our children? Why do they profess family values while they attempt to eliminate the size of government that provides for these needs if they are living the same moral convictions that is common in all of the rest of us? Just something to ask ourselves.

Common sense should tell all of us: We do need to put the rules of common decency first for all of our children, if we are to eliminate me first and only as in selfishness, rudeness, crimes, and all other ills of Society before these same children grow up to become adults. Bringing more children into the World to be further mistreated is not the answer for anything other than for using birth-control, unless we are all willing to help those who are already here.

We see and hear every hour on the hour and every day of the week in conversations and on the news, where perhaps our children were not so forgiving and flexible after all, and it shows once they become adults.

When we can have so many great and positive results in children as we do,(Yes including in gay, loving, and single parent homes, where parents compromise). Isn’t it way past time we all maintain the same security for all of our children through better laws to safeguard them and those who fall through the holes?

Why don’t we demand that our elected officials take the fact that 1/3 of all children in America die from guns in the home, while one child dies of hunger or hunger related diseases every 5 minutes in America, and education is the way out of poverty through affordable cost, for the truth and facts that they represent?

Will we vote accordingly to protect our children? Will we ever accept total responsibility of all of us, as an obligation to the safety and well being of all children, if not in name then in concern; whoever they are and wherever they live? It begins with one person at a time until we hear the voices of justice rising from all of the adult population amongst us. Too many have relied too long on the belief, ” Children are Flexible.”

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While I took a break to remodel, read, paint and to travel I have experienced the dichotomy of the American and political brain when it comes to words not being put forth into actions and the handling of disasters.

Sadness spread by the hurricane on the East Coast followed much later by the tragedy in NewTown, only to be brought to an increased crescendo in Boston and now the disasters in Moore, Oklahoma will certainly(or should) rain on the parade of the Isis witch hunts or the GOP’s strategy sessions to degrade our President’s attempts to help the American middle class even further.

I will explain myself further if I am the only one who is correlating the dichotomy of the contradiction of the American politics in America:

1. At a time that politicians in Oklahoma are passing the personhood bill to ensure all rights of human life to a fetus who in many cases may not even be viable to sustain life outside of the womb and in other cases can lead to the death of a woman, they fail to see the importance of providing tornado shelters for the alive children in their States.

2. AT a time when Isis appears on the network and cable news assuring the public that he is going to work with President Obama to pass immigration changes he continues to attack and berate Eric Holder and President Obama as being in cahoot’s to lie to The American people and of intimidation and corruption, while off camera.

3. While the GOP and Conservatives in the Democrat Party reach out in an effort to express horror over the NewTown shootings they hands down vote down measures that would and do protect the American people and our children from future attacks in our schools, on our streets and in our homes. 

4. The above mentioned; along with the Tea Party, white supremacists groups,members of Washington D.C.’s political power, lobbyists, and our States show up at the NRA Convention where they help promote the lies to the NRA membership of 75,000 strong that these efforts to safeguard our children are only efforts by the Obama Administration and the Liberals to take away their guns.

5. Anyone who can not see the dichotomy of the Tea Party and Conservative cause that bans equal rights to women in their National Platform but profess concern for future generations while professing to be God Fearing and protectors of the Faith, Constitution, and Democracy clearly are not seeing reality.  To continually operate opposite of speech in action is a clear cut reality of not just the far right, Tea Party, and Conservative cause but also of the way too many amongst us vote.

6. The two headed monster of dichotomy in America is alive and healthy in too many of the burbs and rural areas in the Red States and the Conservative hold outs in the Blue States across America.  I noticed the very large billboards advertising the various number of Churches while we were driving into Pensacola Florida. 

Would Christ truly approve of such commercialization knowing over a 5 year period that those billboards cost in the neighborhood of $100,000.00 per sign and each Church has their own sign of advertisement? Couldn’t that money be better utilized elsewhere, since all the churches are also listed in both the motel room directories as well as the yellow pages? 

I also saw many of the Breadbasket and Bible belt States accusing a caring and compassionate Democracy that treats ALL American’s needs as being the practice of Socialism. Those billboards and signs are interspersed amongst the States that claim Christian values along our highways as well.

Since so many, I noticed, are also driving around with bumper stickers that read: “Put Christ back in Christmas,” to the point they fail to see the over-whelming generosity towards the less fortunate and the most innocent amongst us at Christmas time, of non-Christians and Christians alike, is the most Christ-like behavior we can express; couldn’t we argue that perhaps the majority of us are failing to see the obvious while the politicians and their paid for media are playing us for fools because too many of us are disengaged or in denial?

Where is the outrage when the IRS does question legitimately the huge numbers of groups who clearly are political that hides behind Religious or freedom of ideology just to get tax breaks that are not legal? 

Where is the outrage when the same people who start the witch hunts failed themselves to legislate the necessary funds that would have safeguarded our Embassys over seas? 

Where is the outrage when the innocent amongst us are left unprotected because the members of the GOP refuse to allocate the funding necessary to keep our children safe, or for that matter pass laws that would limit the amount of fire power by limiting the number of bullets in the size of the magazines?

We the People keep speaking to the political leaders across the Nation and their reponse is to actually accuse the government for interfering while we continually see the need for government to help us but our elected officials are refusing to do anything that will help us. 

Perhaps the only part of government we truly do need to down size and eliminate are our elected officials in Congress who claim to be on our side when tragedy strikes but votes against us when they have both a moral responsibility to vote for our needs and are elected to show competency as our elected officials.

While the media broadcasts and the GOP tries to tie a link with the mismanaged, scandalous and sometimes misunderstood depts. of government to our President has anyone even noticed that the deficit is going down, the previously uninsured can now get insurance while healthcare costs have gone down, the interests rates charged to students who are interested in improving their education and skills have remained low, the students who wish to go on with their education are now covered on their parent’s insurance, The GNP (Gross National Product) has doubled, housing has gone up and the economy is improving due to the changes made by the Obama Administration that is putting Americans back to work?

Where is the media reporting on the truth when Americans need to know? Hasn’t our President gone the extra step when it comes to tragedy and disaster in our Nation? Isn’t his concern and efforts for immigration change once more being stymied by those who insist they want the Latino and Hispanic vote, as usual? What bill other than the ones that apply to them personally along with their lobbyist, who purchased them, have the Conservatives in the Senate and the Congress passed in the last five years, that they were not pressured into doing because of their fear of not being re-elected? Have we forgotten that they only begrudgingly passed funds necessary to help those hit by the hurricane on our East Coast or to bring relief to the middle class and unemployed?

I will continue staying tuned in with my concerns while enjoying the retirement that my husband and I balanced the budget for that enables our enjoyment in the last quarter of our lives.

Every now and then when nothing has changed; as the GOP readies it’s strategy, with the help of the TEA Party, to enter under qualified candidates who are financially supported in the 100s of thousands and even millions of dollars and owe their souls to the cause of the Tea Party political machine; over those candidates who would put the American people first, I will check in with my readers. The Conservative and Tea Party groups claims of Social ideology over political based control or greed hurts my ears if it doesn’t yours.

With the 2014 elections coming up in less than 18 months can we not all smell the manure of another attempt to denigrate the Obama Administration
with increased witch hunts and lies spread by the Tea Party as we heard in 2010?

My empathy as always is with the suffering and tragedy of the American people. Will we ever have Republican and Conservative legislatures who acknowledge that the needs of “We the People”, needs to be their first and main concern by doing something in Congress and our States that would indicate the same?

Don’t we already have enough proof of the stall tactics of the GOP and Tea Party sponsored candidates to do nothing but to eliminate the pay scale of the middle class jobs, to lower education abilities,to protect capitalism over the people, or their failure to do that which is right for the American People as equals? Will we the majority of the electoral body get out of denial and get engaged in the true dichotomy of American politics? And so it goes………..

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I have chosen to write today on the manipulator as they are especially active during the Holiday Season. We all know the manipulative by different names and faces but at some time in our lives we will all know several.  They are often times the charming that are generous with both their praise and gifts, until they have us totally convinced they are the victims of others,before they begin their attempts to victimize us.

If we could all just remember that people who do not expect something from us will walk away since they have nothing to prove, nor will they waste our time or their’s convincing us, unless we seek them out and ask for the facts, then we would all be the wiser before we find ourselves trapped by the manipulator.

Some are very obvious to those of us who have been conned ourselves, and too often when we try to warn our loved ones who are being victimized by these people or the person,we are the ones who lose the affections of our loved ones instead.  They are so charming while they convince us that they are the benefactors or benefactress of the World, before we become sucked into their schemes and realize that those who tried to warn us,were our real friends.

Many times they enter our lives when we are the most vulnerable and reaching out to gain knowledge or comfort.  They will many times be so perfect in our minds that we cannot believe ourselves that anyone so kind and generous can be in our lives. They run the gamut from Religious schemers such as Rev. Jones, who convinced or forced 900 people to drink the Kool-Aid,to claims of being a charitable organization but unless we check them out first they can be very convincing in their efforts to deceive, or many times they are a member of our own family.  No one is a better manipulator than the family member who needs alcohol or drug money and they often times do not stop with the family members but move on to the neighbors and strangers who will fall for their stories of victimization, just as we do.

When the charm runs out of the manipulator,because they can only sustain it for so long,we will either be made to feel that we  owe them the rest of our lives or we will wise up and run because just as charming as they can be, they can also be as intimidating.  While we are convincing ourselves that we have welcomed the perfect people or person into our lives they are learning our weak or vulnerable points and they learn to use them to their advantage when the charm wears off.  They capitalize on the negative feelings of guilt or feelings of betrayal in us, and use it to their benefits.  We should never think it is just our imagination or we are being unfair to them, after they have been so good to us, because they trap us into believing just that so they can gain control over us.

As we gain more knowledge and comfort with ourselves we recognize them readily and  to often think they are rather harmless to those of us who are aware of people who play on others’ emotions.  While we ourselves are no contest to them they often times see us as a challenge to defeat and will deliberately,in some cases, prey on those who we befriend, is our child, or another loved one, just to prove that they can out smart us and defeat us when we do think of them as being harmless. It often serves in the best interests of all of us if we do not make it obvious to them that we do not believe them, but remain firm in what our ground rules are because then the more likely they will be to move onto their next victim.  If we try to warn the next candidate to be victimized by the manipulator before they become victimized, they will not believe us either, unless they themselves are already wary of the charmers  who manipulate.

They appear at family gatherings such as Thanksgiving,in the malls,in our group of friends,at the  work place, at our church gatherings and in some cases even lead us in prayer,they are anywhere that the vulnerable can be isolated from others. If we donate to them once they will continue flooding our mail boxes or e-mail with more requests to give until they wear us down or convince us they need our donations, often under false pretenses. Other times they reach out through our telephones or the internet, as it is the perfect cover for the deceitful who never wish to be found out once they scam us into believing we are the most beautiful person in the World or they promise us that we will inherit a fortune if we just pay the taxes on it.If we are being manipulated or conned ourselves, we must first accept that we are as much at fault for allowing it to happen, once we become aware of it,as are the people who manipulate us.

So I offer all of us this Thanksgiving this simple advice even though I know those who need to heed it most, will not hear it, “If it is too good to be true, it almost always is.” We all make the dreams in our own lives come true.  It takes a lot of doing without sometimes and the understanding of those who help us to realize our dream.  No person ever realizes a dream as a single unit. It always takes a lot of hard work and co-operation to achieve our dreams.  It doesn’t fall from the sky and land in our laps, we have to earn it, and anytime we find others trying to take from us on a song and a dance or a story of victimization, we should never question our own motives but always question their motives, first.

Good luck is only what others are waiting for because they were not willing to make the sacrifices for others who truly needed their help or to make their own dreams come true.  Sometimes it is being in the right place at the right time but if we are not willing to put out the efforts it takes to achieve then we will not gain from the placement either. Dreams can still come true when we recognize our own strengths and weaknesses and accept help from those who do help us, by rewarding those who help us, through just and fair wages.

I wish each and all of you all the joy of giving that Thanksgiving can bring to all of us if we give in the spirit of giving.  Once we become aware of the manipulator and we make ourselves dependent on the kindness or intimidation of the same, or allow those who do help ruin the spirit of giving, we must accept our role in the same. All the denial in the World cannot force us to fail to acknowledge that if we are being played by a manipulator there are others as well.

Sometimes people are placed in our lives to test the respect that we have for ourselves and humanity in general, and when we fail that test we will also fail the tests of showing respect to others, who truly do deserve our time and love.  We have a responsibility to not only ourselves but to those who care about us to understand the difference of those in our lives who do respect our spirit of giving as verses the manipulators who take without a conscious. Once we become aware of the fact that we are the ones being used, then we need to accept that we enable the manipulators of the world and we need to stop the time,attention,and money often given to the manipulators, for all the reasons that allow them to operate on the unsuspecting. If we cannot stop them for our sake or the sake of the manipulator themselves, then we need to be aware of those who we hurt by going into denial of the part we play in it.

Thanksgiving is a time of appreciation and when we fail to appreciate those who should matter to us, we lose everything else of value as well. I feel truly Blessed for having the husband I have had for 45 years,my terrific daughters and son-in-law, and the two Bestest grandsons that a grandmother could ever have. I appreciate the value they add to my life by just being the genuine people that they are and their own faith in their own achievements.

All we who truly love really want is for our loved ones to be happy and for us to be aware when they are not, by offering them the emotional support they need,if they need our help. Too many times I have made the assumption that they needed my help when their maturity was leap years ahead of my own, at the same age they are.  Age may be a teacher to those of us who are willing to learn, but we should not always assume that we know better because of it. May we all be Blessed this Thanksgiving while we remember those who are really victims with our generosity and prayers.  Have a safe trip and a wonderful Thanksgiving Day!

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I am not writing this post for those of you who are suffering or have done without this Thanksgiving, because if you have been suffering for a while now, most of you are already grateful for the significant things in life, such as food on the table or life itself.  Others may be grateful for electricity being restored or for the Insurance adjuster showing up.  It has been a matter of fact for years now, that the more mankind suffers, the more likely we are to be grateful for the things that others take for granted.

I write this instead for those who are gathering for Thanksgiving and dreading the moment.  There are families who all have that one person, if not two or three, who feel it their yearly obligation.” to rain on our parades.”  We all know them, they will say things like,”Why can’t Mary find a man?”; “Will Johnny ever get a decent job?;”or “Whats wrong with you anyway that you can’t be more like your Saintly sister?; “You know what your brother said about you?”; “I don’t know how your husband or wife can stand you or just the opposite I don’t know how you can stand your husband or wife,”  or why are you so fat when your brothers and sisters aren’t?” Anything they can find to ridicule us about and then sit and laugh about it when they do insult us or hurt our feelings, like it is some kind of a fabulous joke. If they can’t show their own resentment in life, through turning us against the family, then they will turn the family against us.

When they are not making comparisons with one of us on the losing side of what they think is acceptable behavior in us, then they are putting their leg on a chair so no one can miss the fact that their arthritis is acting up in their knee or they belabor their suffering in  great detail.  There will be others who suggest that we can make a better broth or gravy if we just add such and such to it while others insist on carrying a conversation with us through the walls of a different room, while complaining that they cannot hear us, while we are trying to time the turkey coming out with the dinner rolls being finished.  Others will complain about it being too hot while others complain about it being two cold. These same people will be the last to even notice that we are caring for a sick child or suffering from the end results of the flu, while we try to put on a brave front so we do not spoil our own family’s Thanksgiving.

Speaking from someone who swore each year that I was not going to go through another Holiday where the person involved in ALL of the above behaviors could ruin it for my family, it took years before I found the courage to tell her that we would be spending the holiday without her.  Since there were 4 other children in 4 different States who could have paid her expenses and asked her for the Holidays but refused to, I had to learn to ignore the criticism and bear it, until it reached the point the only other one of her children who would take a turn ,decided to match the bullying techniques move by move, and then I washed my hands of it completely.

It is not easy to enjoy the Holidays with a mother only 4 blocks away and alone.  I was greatly criticized by those who refused to give me a break by taking our mother in my place, and by others who knew a different person from the one both myself and my family knew. There does come a day in all of our lives that we must reach our own decisions on our own priorities.  When we had honor rolls, graduations from not just highschool but college and grad school as well as engagements and marriage plans, there did come a time that as a grateful family, we did have the right to celebrate without the center of attention going to my mother who gains attention with continued hurtful or negative comments.

If you find that someone is ruining your Holidays, I do hope you take the time to understand their suffering and give them the attention that they crave,but I also want you to know when the negatives in your family is denying the other family members from giving thanks and celebrating the joys of the family, perhaps it is time to reverse your course or to ask,” what are the priorities of your loved ones?”

Respect walks a two-way street beginning with respecting our own needs as well as the needs of those who depend on us.  For those who can deal with both, despite the abusive grumbling of spouses,mothers and bitchy fathers,jealous siblings,ungrateful children,complaining Aunts and Uncles or Grandparents, I congratulate you on your strength and forbearance.  I hung in for 35 years out of my own sense of duty to my mother, but with growing health problems, myself, it was time to eliminate the negativity in order to enjoy the positive in our lives.

I know other people who deliberately make a habit of working the Holidays,or  leaving for better weather, Vegas or the Beach, in order to avoid having to confront the issues of family.  Others will go ahead and put up with it and then make their friends lives miserable for a month in both the dreading of it before the Holidays and the hurt of it when they leave.  The Holidays can be stressful, because as much as many of us look forward to them there are many others who go into a depression that spreads through the family because they are hanging onto a time in their child hood or life when they felt deprived.

Others will lose loved ones on the Holiday and we do understand that they grieve, as a result of it.  What I am describing here are those who feel that even though they got cheated in life, they are the experts over the entire family, and will not rest until they feel they get the upper hand even though they contribute nothing other than the complaints that brings all of the rest of us down.

We all hear how elderly parents are left to spend the Holidays alone by ungrateful children but never do we hear that parents are left to spend Holidays alone because they themselves have established a record of being ungrateful for those of us who do make the effort to include them until they themselves wear out their welcome.

Many times these same people will become the favorites of strangers or the nursing staff and then treat their own children like they are beneath them because they refused to believe as they were told to believe,accept the faith of their parents,loved someone their parents forbade them to love, or did not become the person the parent thought they should become.  The parent was continually ashamed or embarrassed by their own children’s appearance or the way they dressed. At the same token some parents had reason for concern, when the adult child’s behavior was out of control or they were too willing to accept abuse,themselves.  There are any number of ways beside ungrateful children, as to why family members do end up alone on Holidays.

I welcome the idea that mankind is one family and when our own blood family drives us away with their own behavior that they do find a friend or care giver that befriends them when we ourselves cannot.  I think I speak for many this Holiday Season when I say that we are very grateful that our loved one’s have you in their lives.  We do love them, despite the fact that when we try to love them, they themselves drive us away with their words and behavior against us.

Those of you who think  I am talking about simple cantankerous relatives who are suffering, and it is the same that you welcome into your lives, all I can say for the rest of us is,”NO They Are Not! Not all of us are as fortunate as to have family members who are any different at 70 than they were at 30 or at 3, and there in lies the difference. We grow old as we grew young while some wounds are never allowed to scar or heal by those who spend a lifetime taking out their hurt on those of us who are the closest to them, while they refuse to get the help we offer them. Many times you instead can be the catharsis to them that we cannot be, and as a result we remain grateful to you, a total stranger.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone, and remember to be grateful for all of those who we too often take for granted and love each other. The less said the better Thanksgiving will be for all of us, if the only thing that crosses our minds has criticism attached to it, just because we may think it is constructive criticism, it has no place at the dinner table, now or ever.  Perhaps constructive criticism does exist on a job where an employee struggles to learn the same, but criticism in a family is criticism.

If we can not treat family members with the human dignity of respect how can we teach our own children or grandchildren to give respect and to demand the same respect, in their own lives? If discussing our differences becomes as lop-sided as the lack of respect shown, then we need to make decisions in the best interests of those who do care about us and who depend on us. We cannot expect others to defend us if we refuse to defend our own right to be treated with human dignity. As adults if we cannot discuss our differences without demeaning ourselves or others, then it is time to consider another recourse.  If we do not like receiving criticism ourself, then we must learn to be adults and not give it, as what goes around will come around. If you are traveling have a safe trip and God Bless us all!

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Many times in a marriage or a close relationship and while raising children we will see emotions that not only appear out-of-place but they are,for instance, depressed people will quite often laugh or people who have feelings that are hurt will get angry when both would do better to acknowledge their feelings have been hurt or they are feeling sad.  To often relationships will end or be pulled apart because we do not understand our own emotions.

In dysfunctional homes, which comprises of the majority of homes, children are not allowed  to have or to express emotions or worse yet, they are mocked for having these feelings.  As a result of stilted emotions in childhood, many of us do grow up in denial of our own true emotions.  Boys and men have been told for generations that a show of emotion is a sign of weakness just as women have heard for years that they are too emotional to lead. We now know both are the thinking of backward beliefs. We need to know that the Leaders of  business and the World do care about those who they lead and that they will make decisions affecting all of us based, on their concern for our needs and futures.

We just had an election where all Americans were concerned because Romney did not show emotions so we felt the candidate lacked sincerity.  Emotions that are denied in both genders often leads instead to stilted leadership and unfair practices in both business and government and leaves people feeling that the person lacking any show of the same is untrustworthy. When we deny or hide emotion we cause an imbalance of stress in not only our lives but those who share our life with us.

Those under the most stress will often deny that they have stress while often times those who cause stress in other people’s’ lives will be the first to complain that they are under a great deal of stress. Sometimes they are taking their own stress out on others but many times it is used as an excuse for poor behavior on their part as well.  People other times are relieving their stress on others, without even being aware that they are. Determining our own stress related causes is especially important due to the many stressed related diseases that do lead to death in not only ourselves but our loved ones as well.  When it does not affect our health,which is rare indeed, it often leads to the end of really important relationships in our lives.

Too many times we just keep going on and never-changing our patterns in life and in doing so the stress builds up in us.  In areas where noises are constant such as  traffic noises, or trains and planes passing, we may be suffering stress and be totally unaware of the stress caused by noise factors.  Parents have been yelling at children for generations because the loud music teenagers often play, may be relaxing to some, while it causes stress in others.

When children feel stressed we quite often find that they will begin to bicker with each other.  When they are not under stress they will play together in harmony.  When we buy a child under stress a gift or set them in front of a television we do nothing to alleviate the stress they are feeling.  If we send them to their room instead of setting them down and asking them why they are exhibiting inappropriate behavior their stress will continue to build. Other times if we ask them to think about why they are behaving the way they are and to report back to us when they have figured it out, they will come up with their own answers. Other times they will blame others before they understand that their own emotions are coming from eternal changes happening in their own bodies.

Children are no different from adults in that to often, instead of dealing with the truth of their emotions, they will blame the closest to them for their own bad behavior.  Many times it is, we the parents who are accused to be at fault by our children and too many times,out of a feeling of guilt, because we parents have not dealt with our own emotions, we will reward instead of punish their bad behavior.   There are many different ways in childhood, when stress occurs, and our emotions get dismissed,ignored, or criticized. If we reward bad behavior instead of discussing it because we are buying off our own unresolved guilt we can create a monster no differently than we create the same future adult through cruel and abusive treatment in childhood. Other times bad behavior is better explained through chemical imbalances in the brain and our children need early intervention at this time.

When we add abusive punishment to an already stressed child we risk ending up with two kinds of adult behaviors.  We may either have very angry adults or we have adults who live in denial of their own emotions, so they stuff their feelings instead of acknowledging them and releasing their emotions through expression.  When people stuff down  their emotions  they often exhibit their emotions in other ways such as in over spending or shopping, being overtly sexual in their behavior, turning to drugs and alcohol,weight gain or lost,or excessive sleeping.

Many dismissed or ignored emotions are the explanation for why angry adults are not aware their own anger lies in hurt feelings from childhood instead, and why they live and breathe the idea that others are to blame when they become angry or withdraw.  Too often we hear abused partners in a marriage or a relationship say but they are so kind and thoughtful when they are not angry.Other times adults will withdraw emotionally and use it as a form of control over others who are left wondering, sometimes due to their own insecurities, if they said or did something wrong.  Both behaviors are terribly destructive not just in the life of adults but in the lives of children as well. When we give children excuses for poor behavior without taking time to understand their bad behavior they will often times grow up and excuse poor behavior in others and sadly it does reach the point that they accept abusive behavior through the reasoning that they love the abuser or they become the abuser themselves.

When we do leave abusive relationships because we recognize how destructive they are to us, we need to get professional help, many times, to understand what it was in us that allowed someone else to mistreat us.  If we try to go back into a relationship without resolving our own emotions or discussing our differences with them, we will only repeat the mistakes of our past. They will not change or become less abusive just because we wish them to.

If the other person in the relationship, tells us they want to start all over and leave the past unresolved, too often we only rehurt ourself all over again because the same words or behavior that hurt us in the past will keep reoccurring unless both of us are strong enough to talk it through and to put an end to it that is welcoming and calming to both of us.  Just because we wish to change does not mean they do as well.  Too often people who live their lives blaming someone other than themselves, also die that way.We often find this to be true when adult children try to make up with a parent or spouses try to reunite.

Stress related diseases are not found in the remains of the caveman so how do we explain that foraging for food and not knowing if they ate or not was not stressful? The explanations can be as complicated or as simple as we make them.  More than likely, it is the simple explanations; they did not know differently because they lived in an isolated environment in communes where everyone else shared their same lifestyle,  competition to succeed was not a part of their environment, nor were outside aggravations from other influences that affect modern man a part of their lives, everyone was dependent on everyone else in their group for their survival so when problems arose or they needed to hunt together,they worked the problems out through communication or they were not pressed for time because their lives were less complicated.  The stress that we experience was not a part of their lives and therefore the stress related diseases that we see today, were not present either.

There are a number of ways that we can relieve stress that do not cost money and bankrupt us as adults with the most important one being to listen to our children and to validate their feelings.  We can go out together as a family for pizza, to the park, or camp out and go fishing, go to the beach, take time out of our busy days to walk together or to set together at the dinner table and discuss our days.  The things that we do with our children together, is  what helps make them grow up as calm adults.  Placing them in an activity while we send them in a car pool does not replace that family time that children crave.

In a relationship men need male bonding as much as women need female companionship.  If we do not trust our relationship or marriage enough to accept that there will be times in all of our relationships and marriages that we need to give each other space then, more than likely, we should not make plans to commit to the relationship for life.  Trust is the necessary foundation of all relationships and without it we are only lying to ourselves if we cannot trust enough to let go.  Women quite often need to release stress through hobbies or crafts just as men do through sports or hunting or both need space to paint or write.  It is o.k. to play or watch sports, to hunt or share a hobby together, but to become inseparable when we are young, will usually cause more problems in the relationship than what we will find when we give each other the space we each need, to develop our own interests and responsibilities separately,occasionally.

When we are dealing with a marriage or an adult relationship, many times it is a necessity to have space from each other. We both should be aware of the person who refuses us the necessary space because they could very well be possessive or interested in forming a relationship of co-dependence, that shuts out all of our other important friendships and family members.  It is not always the inseparable couple who are the happiest.  Quite often it is the opposite of a happy couple, but instead a smothered couple.

In any relationship it helps to have other interests that gives us space as we need separate space just as much as we need shared space.  Sometimes when days off are limited, in marriages as in friendships,or families, it does help to take separate vacations if our interests are not shared.When we are a young family then it is always  wise to use our days off to expose our children to other parts of the Country or World so they are not intimidated when they need to move on with their own lives.  It does us well to understand that vacation time can be just as stressful on children as it can be on adults.  It’s always best to start with short trips and limited days until they get older.

Absence may not make our hearts grow fonder, so to speak, but we often find out that the reason we are feeling bad has nothing to do with the person we are blaming but everything to do with our own inability to deal with our own unresolved emotions from another happenstance in our lives, when we make space for ourselves and take time to reflect. This does not mean that we do not make shared time and interests just as much of a priority and we remain close as a couple because if we spend too much time apart we can become a high risk couple as well.  Like everything in life it is about balance while recognizing the importance of sharing our time as well.

I caution all of us to think before we find our own behavior destroying our own lives, when we instead are blaming it on others who truly do care about us and are innocent of our own hurt feelings or anger. At the same token, I caution everyone to think equally as hard about the solutions that will be resolved prior to going back to an old abusive relationship or starting a new one, since past behavior often indicates future behavior. When people begin lying to themselves about their emotional history, in order to believe their own lies or to embrace denial, reality is no longer their long suit and they become totally unaware of the fact that they are lying to themselves as well as their loved ones.

Sometimes  people,who refuse to accept responsibility for their own poor behavior, really are at fault when it comes to the hurt in us. We are in trouble if we are making too many excuses for them by rewarding bad behavior and taking responsibility for it ourselves. Other times we may be blaming others because of our own unresolved emotions. If we do not allow people to mistreat us they cannot mistreat us but we need to be certain it isn’t we who are mistreating ourselves the most.

If we cannot resolve these issues on our own it often saves the best relationships we will ever have, if we seek out professional help, before we end the relationships. If communications are impossible because they refuse to take shared responsibility for the problems in our relationships or we refuse to hear what they are saying, then we need help.  We cannot force others to view the problems the same way we do or see problems when they were not aware that any existed.

If we cannot afford counseling then a good friend who understands what makes others tick, because they have experience in life, may be able to help us, as long as we do not blame them for failing to say the things we want to hear.  If we find them agreeing with us instead of pointing out both sides, then seek out someone else because they are not challenging us to see beyond our already written in the stone beliefs. People tell us not to make rash judgements for a reason with the main reason being ,when we do, we often hurt ourselves far worse than we do anyone else if we fail to deal with our own emotions,first.

Be kind and know that unless we resolve our own emotional history we will not find the joy we seek nor will we find it in someone else.  It is true, “that familiarity often breeds contempt,” because those who truly care about us are the closest to us.  Many times we also know them better than they know themselves, and we make it more difficult for them to make excuses or to lie to themselves when they know, we know the truth, and they refuse to take responsibility for their own emotions or behavior.

We can also be the first hurt by those who are in denial of their own emotions, as we are the ones who often get lied about the most since the goal of the person in denial is to protect that denial at all cost. As difficult as it is in the beginning, if they are not willing to deal with reality in time, we begin to feel the relief of being out of their drama and realize the value of being free from the same, once we do heal.

No one but ourselves can make us happy or at peace with others.Nor is it their job to do so. Other people can add to or compliment our own happiness or joy only if we have already found happiness through our own approval of self, and acceptance of others’ rights to find their own happiness with or without us. At the same token other people can only destroy that inner-peace in us, if we give them permission to do so.

It is very difficult work that is involved and often takes years of laying our heads on the pillow content with knowing we do feel complete because we have given much more to life than we have subtracted from it. We also must be aware that to be real, our contentment in life never wavers no matter how many times it gets challenged,as it will be challenged many more times in life. We cannot mistake what I am writing about with the narcissists who feel they are entitled to everything they get.

We must be cognizant of the fact there are people who are more content with being a victim,due to their delayed or stunted emotional growth, than they are with being a winner. We need to accept that many times those we think we are the closest to are the most toxic to us, just as we must learn to accept those we think are our enemy often times are our best friend. People prove their loyalty to us time and time again but sadly too many people often put their faith in those who don’t support them, because the people they protect lead them into believing they are a victim.

It is the nature of mankind to react to tragedy and injustice when we see it and if we are not selfish by nature, we offer help and support, to those who truly do suffer.  Unfortunately there are those who prey on that factor and want us to feel they are a victim as well.  Too many times those who do not deal with their own emotional history will  use our naivety or kindness to their advantage to manipulate those of us who do care. It especially occurs in those who do not take a good long hard look at themselves and ask,”Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes and hurting myself in the process.

It is nice to write about something other than politics again and now that we are done celebrating our Country’s victory, some of us need to get to work on our own victories. It often entails hard work when we do wish to be honest with ourselves and others. The efforts to know ourselves are greatly rewarded when we do.

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This will be my final political post,thank Goodness!  After having written on the truth of the far right and the Tea Party and their negative effects on the Republican Party and the cynicism across America that they lap up, with their below par candidates for two years, I welcome the end of writing anymore on the subject of politics.

My husband will be retiring at the end of the year and we hope to travel.  I welcome and look forward to being out of the loop on the political scene and playing in the sunshine.  Since this is my last political post and I have watched Americans throw away 6 Billion dollars on campaigns of lies, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.  The sad thing is that the majority of the large donors spent it to buy their candidate of choice.  I applaud those who spent in an effort to stop the corrupt from taking office.

I am afraid that those who want a prostitute to perform in their favor in their politicians do so, to get their own greed fulfilled and are the largest contributors.  It would be nice to think the Republican Party itself would be spending those dollars instead to throw the bums out.  Men such as Sam Adelson and the Koch Brothers in the Republican Party, are stealing the votes from American citizens who are either to flip-flop themselves to make decisions or too bored to care. The sad thing is when the greed is coming from the Christian ministries who are more business driven than Christ driven and give of the money collected for the poor, in their efforts to sway the elections in their own Churches.

Unless and until men like Carl Rove and Grover Norquist are shaken loose from the strong hold or the bully pulpit of the Republican Party the Republican Party will continue to prostitute themselves for the Tea Party and the ridiculous right who will and are destroying Democracy in America. This Tea Party driven Party will not even stand for a Republican saying “Hi” to a Democrat when they meet in the hall without threatening them on their re-election support.  Both parties use to break early for a drink together and now they cannot even acknowledge they know each other due to this insane hatred driven by the Tea Party.

The Republicans instead blame President Obama for not working with them when they filibustered more than anytime in our history against President Obama’s agenda and they met ten days after he was signed into office where all Republicans were forced to sign a pledge making President Obama a one term President, at their CPAC retreat. Those who refused to sign the pledge along with  Senator Dick Lugar of Indiana, were ran out of the Republican Party by the Tea Party in the primaries because he had the audacity to say,”We need to work together on a healthcare program.”  The ironic part is that the Democrats never ran against Senator Lugar all these years because he was respected by both sides of the aisle before the Tea Party entered the fray on the lie of paying down the deficit.  The good news is the Democrat is leading in the Senate race in Indiana against the Tea Party selected Republican who defeated Senator Lugar, and for the first time in 30 plus years, a Democrat is  expected to win the Senate seat the Tea Party forced Senator Lugar to leave.

We keep hearing from the media that all of this money being spent is necessary in order to win over the Independent vote. We see the polls changing every time they are taken and I don’t know about the rest of Americans, but  this election smells like rotten eggs.  It has been the biggest disgrace ever enacted on the American public, in all the years that I have been following politics.  These corrupt politicians and the people who back them have destroyed any decency left in the election system in America.  The voter suppression belongs in a third world Country governed by a dictatorship and certainly not in America! Instead the “true to the vote group” which is a self-appointed watch dog group of the Tea Party are claiming voter fraud where none exists and intimating voters at the polls who would vote for President Obama in States ran by Tea Party and Republican Governors. This same group have mailed out misleading information confusing the minority voters with erroneous information.

Sure politics have always had a stretching of the truth and we always needed to read between the lines.  In the 1950’s Democrat candidate Adlai Stevenson said to the Republican majority,”If you quit lying about us we will quit telling the truth about you.”The biggest difference is that we saw two men who would stand on the stage of their Parties and accept their Party’s election because they were driven to help the American people over a need to fill their own pockets.  We could believe that they were men of honor until Richard Nixon exposed them for the fraud that they were.  Even so they did not promote or refuse to stop the hate and lies that we have seen this year in candidate Romney, and his campaign contributors.   May we never see it again!

The political season use to be fun before the venom and mean spirited of the Tea Party and the far right won the majority control of the Republican Party and they along with their hate groups entered the picture. It is impossible to have an honest debate with them today because they can only come back with the lies and half-truths that have been programmed into them.  They do not have an original or independent thought or reasoning for their explanation or debate when we do try to press them into doing so. We use to be able to join together and have parties with red,white, and blue banners hung for decorations and discuss our differences and our own reasoning without name calling.  Elections were a time of celebration with both Parties being represented and now they are just a screaming match or those who judge the harshest get up and leave in a huff.

Anyone who believes the accuracy of the polls taking place this year must be in that undecided column that put the blame on Independents. Polls simply do not swing as much or as frequently as the polls have swung this year unless the majority of American pollsters are schizophrenic and the majority of us know better than to believe that they have lost touch, to that degree with reality,yet. Certainly the polls have not shown the conviction of the Americans voters. We may be getting close to a Nation of shallow voters but we are not quite there yet.  The media, depending on their own choice of candidates, just kept changing to the polls they preferred that were closer to the truth they wanted to hear, I suspect is closer to the truth.

I maintain many Independents are not Independent but instead uninterested in a two-party system or politics in general,looking for an utopia that doesn’t exist on earth or in our lives,has special interests of their own they want promoted over the view of the majority, or are ashamed to have their name tied to the far right of the Republican Party but in truth will either not vote or will vote Republican once they walk in the booth anyway.  They just don’t want their friends to know.

It works the same way with the Independents who use to call themselves Democrat but the liberals have been so maligned by the Christian community, in which they are a member of, that they fear to stand up for their beliefs that are opposite of their religious community. They too will vote Democrat when they enter the booths to vote. The fastest way to get attention is America is to tell the politicians or your friends that you are undecided or Independent. Neither will stop trying to convert you to their cause if you do.  I can’t imagine why anyone would tell anyone that they were either unless they do love the attention.

True Independents saw absolutely nothing this year that they would vote for because it is a sin to discuss Science and environment in the Republican Party today. Because the Liberals are accused of trying to be Jesus Christ and dividing the Red Sea or mocked when they talk about things like global warming that threatens the coast of our Great Nation, they play it safe and say nothing.

This election year was a disgrace to all of us, who do believe in the political system and like a good healthy debate with the opposition, but instead the waters were poisoned by both hate and lies by the far right and the media that feeds into it.  We heard absolutely nothing on details from Mitt Romney, other than, “I will not answer that before the election,I’ll have to check on that and get back to you on that, or No I will not show you my taxes.”

Anyone who would vote for a candidate, who would represent himself as Mitt Romney has, is voting strictly because they believe all the lies and hate that have been spread across America by the Tea Party and the people who would call themselves Christian or the Far right; or they would vote for Romney’s dog, as long as it was Republican.

These American citizens will continue until their deathbeds to either vote out of ignorance for what the Republican Party today represents, or against their own best interests.  Too many think that as a Nation we pay too much out in welfare for the poor and it is socialism to do so.  The real truth is: far more money goes out in welfare to the wealthy,oil companies, and corporations and is protected by the Republican Party.

I have yet to meet the person who did not give back for the Blessings they received ever become a true success in life.  Many of them if they do gain wealth, find that they are alone in life, without any real friends. Even their own children stand around with their hands out.  Those who hold the attitude of resentment against the less fortunate, in my experience, almost always fail in life. The true joy in life comes from giving back and making a difference in someone else’s life, without them knowing we did.

For the Romney campaign to tolerate an ad stating American generosity is supporting socialism because many of us enjoy giving,in my estimation is inexcusable.The more generous we are to others the more happiness and contentment we gain for ourselves.  This is un-imaginable to the selfish who collects things and people for their own needs and pleasure, so they hide behind the lie of Socialism instead. Obviously a self-professed Billionaire who made his money in one generation did not experience socialism in America so to profess his concern for the same lies is just more of the disgrace that was allowed to run by the Romney campaign. It is the same kind of campaign ad that was offered to the John McCain campaign and refused by him for being in poor taste.

Our economy is coming back thanks to the tireless efforts of President Barack Obama and these American citizens would rather see Mitt Romney get the credit for it while President Obama takes the blame for the Republican greed that caused the mess he inherited.  Throughout history messes made by Republicans and paid for by the middle class have been cleaned up along with budgets balanced  by Democrat Presidents. It is a total misconception that Democrats spend money and Republicans balance budgets.

Who in their right mind, who lives on the planet earth, would elect a President, like Mitt Romney, who refused to come clean with the people of his own Party and those who would vote for him? He has only shared what he feels about us, the 47% ,with the “fat Cats” whose taxes he has promised to decrease by 5 trillion more dollars and have it added to our deficit while he lies to his own constituency. It befuddles the mind and reasoning of common sense. I repeat:  May we never see another election year like the one we have seen this year! Please Vote on Tues. if you do not have an opportunity to vote sooner.  We need to get rid of the spread of hate in America before it consumes yet more American minds and drives reality and common sense out of our elections, entirely. Vote the bums out!

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