Are Children REALLY Flexible?

This has been previously published by me but it does us all well to be reminded in the current environment that our children need to be made aware that we adults are always fighting for their need to feel secure and safe.

Sadly there are too many adults who claim to be representing the best interest of our children while neglecting the most innocent amongst us. I will continue to post reminders, every once in awhile, just as I did this post ,previously, until we all know that all of our children are safe:

I’ve heard it for years now that “children are flexible” and I have always wondered about the truth in the belief. It is true that children are more accepting than adults. At least in the beginning years of their lives.

Watch children playing at a playground side by side and one can readily see their acceptance of each other. They play together by playing around each other without really communicating. They reach the same place at the same time and one will instinctly go under while one goes over or one will squeeze to the side or stand back and let another pass without ever communicating the direction that each will take.

It is only later, say in about the 9th year of their life that they appear to start noticing the differences between themselves. Much of the cruelty we see in children comes from the environment of their own homes and is spread through out the school grounds or on school buses. I doubt that acceptance and flexibility are the same. I believe that children effected by trauma are no different from adults who are effected by trauma. We see so many obese children, with some being diet related, but isn’t there also the possibilty that children are stuffing their feelings down with comfort food no different from what adults do?

I know adults who have no memory of their childhood because they have learned to block it. Is it a learning that started in childhood where they began blocking trauma so have no memory of it as adults? Do quiet children who go off and play while saying little to nothing of their trauma as accepting as what we are made to believe. If so why do the symptoms of the same often wait to express themselves in suppressed memories through health problems decades later?

The medical field sees children younger and younger who are suffering from anxiety, stress related illness, psychosis, and other ailments considered adult related in the past. The arguments stand, “it is just a better ability to diagnose earlier.”

If so is that a symptom of children suffering their traumas in silence in years past? Children go into denial and start fanatasizing a better life for themselves, where abuse is present, and isn’t that in truth the same behavior we see in adults when their life doesn’t work according to what their plans for themselves were in their youth? Did this behavior begin in childhood and then just got set aside temporarilly when things appeared to be working for the adults who then switched to denial to justify why their dreams did not come true, later?

If children are so flexible then why do children of alcoholics grow up to be alcoholics? Why do children of abusers grow up to abuse? Why do children of drug users grow up to use drugs? Why do children of batterers grow up to batter? Why do sexually abused boys sexually abuse as men while sexually abused girls become promiscuous?

Many times there are a great deal of withdrawal symptoms in form of social developement in all of these children. It is not unusual that parents instead determined their child to be shy, emotionally immature, or sadly too often, “they are just happy normal children” when that is so far from the truth. I understand that none of these patterns of behavior are set and true in all children of parents that behave badly. Sometimes the children will actually use their parent’s behavior as a pattern as to how not to behave. We refer to it as learned behavior or environmental but isn’t it also possible that it is as a result of trauma in infancy or childhood and in truth our children are not so flexible, after all?

I maintain that unless, we as a Society, get over the idea that children are flexible and start paying more attention to them, when they do speak, that we will ultimately be inviting government into every facet of our lives. If we want laws that protect us, we must first begin with our children in order to eliminate the need of government in lesser degrees, in our lives later.

The long and short of laws and government is that if “we the people” are doing our job and accepting our responsibility then there is never a need for government to intrude into our lives. My experience has always been that government is an asset to all of us who pay our taxes, bills, take care of what we can afford and follow the laws of our States. When we can’t we should never be ashamed for asking our government for a hand up because many others are just a pay check away, themselves, from having to ask government for help. I have never seen the person who complained about their taxes going to the hungry who did not have to learn that lesson as well.

As long as children continue to be used as pawns amongst divorcing parents. Ignored, neglected, or bought off by the self-centered. Severely abused by the irresponsible, spiteful, or mean spirited parents, adults, or care givers or left to go hungry by the narcissistic personalities amongst us; then we are opening up the flood gates of government to move into all of our living rooms.

If any of those words seem to be harsh then consider yourself what words you would use when it comes to abusing an innocent child, neglecting a child because a parent ignores the child’s emotional needs over their own, or an adult believes children with less opportunity should be left to die of starvation? We all must realize our own responsibility or take a position on how to deal more effectively with the most innocent amongst us, if we truly consider ourselves human. If Americans cannot be grateful and give back then WHO? Luckily, most Americans do understand and realize that their own success has been as a result of generosity and opportunity.

Too often over-worked and under paid Children Protective Services only return these children to dysfunctional homes so they are offended again. When I think of some of the foster care homes that I have known, personally, I shudder. I do understand that in many cases they are a God-send over the abusive homes many of these children come from, just as well. As a Nation we should not have to be dealing with children in adult Courts on charges of murder. We need to do better for our children.

I leave it up to all of us, Do we really think that children are flexible or should we as a community be doing more to help or do we need to continue with the “mind my own business” theory that has ran the way of thinking for generations? The other thought that I will leave everyone with is,”How can we acknowledge that neglect, abuse and battering is happening” as long as we deny that it happened to us?

Doesn’t the responsibile amongst us have an obligation to help those who won’t take responsibility, when it comes to child care or do we wait until government enters our living rooms and then gripe about government being there?

Doesn’t it ultimately, become the responsibility of all of us to have less rather than more government in our lives? It is amazing how many of us never do have to deal with government once we pay our fair share of taxes, live according to law, and only deal with government when we collect our earned pension, GI Benefits, or Social Security checks. It isn’t like government is breathing down the backs of those who give of their time and good fortune, show children our love and develop responsibility through example, while obeying the laws of our States and Nation.

Why are so many Conservatives and Tea Party members, today, so disgruntled over healthcare for those who most need it, housing and Agricultural food surpluses provided for the homeless and hungry, early childhood education that often does mean the difference between pass or fail in our children? Why do they profess family values while they attempt to eliminate the size of government that provides for these needs if they are living the same moral convictions that is common in all of the rest of us? Just something to ask ourselves.

Common sense should tell all of us: We do need to put the rules of common decency first for all of our children, if we are to eliminate me first and only as in selfishness, rudeness, crimes, and all other ills of Society before these same children grow up to become adults. Bringing more children into the World to be further mistreated is not the answer for anything other than for using birth-control, unless we are all willing to help those who are already here.

We see and hear every hour on the hour and every day of the week in conversations and on the news, where perhaps our children were not so forgiving and flexible after all, and it shows once they become adults.

When we can have so many great and positive results in children as we do,(Yes including in gay, loving, and single parent homes, where parents compromise). Isn’t it way past time we all maintain the same security for all of our children through better laws to safeguard them and those who fall through the holes?

Why don’t we demand that our elected officials take the fact that 1/3 of all children in America die from guns in the home, while one child dies of hunger or hunger related diseases every 5 minutes in America, and education is the way out of poverty through affordable cost, for the truth and facts that they represent?

Will we vote accordingly to protect our children? Will we ever accept total responsibility of all of us, as an obligation to the safety and well being of all children, if not in name then in concern; whoever they are and wherever they live? It begins with one person at a time until we hear the voices of justice rising from all of the adult population amongst us. Too many have relied too long on the belief, ” Children are Flexible.”