Archive for May, 2010

Although Va., Ga. Pa, to name a few, always claimed to be the first States to host the first Memorial Day in 1966, Lyndon B. Johnson made it official by declaring that the very first Memorial Day was held May 5,1866 in Waterloo, New York. The day was called Decorations Day and originally intended to honor the Civil War Dead. By 1868 this day was fairly well spread across the established States as Decoration Day and held on the last Monday of May which was May 30, 1868. It was declared as a day to decorate the graves by layiing on the flowers or decorations of choice, on the graves of the dead, of all the Soldiers who fought in the Civil War and whose graves were scattered across our Great Nation. It would not be until 1971 that it would be declared an official Holiday to honor all War Dead.

Although it was and is intended to honor all who fought for the Freedom of us all , long ago it was began in all the cemeteries that our loved ones who made the sacrifices for us to be here would also be honored. Many of the small towns across America will hold a day to take up the artificial flowers that have been left out and then return them to the graves the following years so that those who do not have family will have flowers on their graves as well. Other cemeteries will just leave them out year around if they are in a vase that does not interfer with the mowing of the grass.

Otherwise the flowers will be tossed away if the people are unable to come back and pick them up. Many times those of us that make our own or have them made will spend much more for the silk arrangements than what fresh flowers that die in a couple days will cost.

I began my annual trek to the graves 38 years ago. I was the only one of my direct family in the State at the time and even though my Mother was always against the decorating of graves it was always the day we would meet our grandparents in town and go spend two weeks with them at their place. It was either my twin and I or my older brother and sisters two week vacation when we were small. Whoever did not get to spend Memorial Day then would get to spend 2 Weeks later in the summer. Our grandparents then would give up a month of their summer time for the two seperate groups.

Because it was such a special Day for Him it also became special to me. I would load up my small babies and year after year we would make the trip to set out the flowers and they would go explore while I had a special memory and said a prayer at all the seperate graves.

To me Memorial Day is a way to give back to those that left their Mother Land and fought against all the hardships it took for all of us to be given the gift of freedom in a Democracy as well as the generations that followed. No one generation before us, does not sacrifice so that we can have the gift of life. I do understand that it is especially the soldiers that we honor first on this special Day but the rest of the family members are equally important to me.

As I stop at the graves of my grandparents I remember the patience shown as Grand Dad would get out the huge white Clysdale work horses so that we could go horse back riding. Their backs were so broad that it was like doing the splits and as we aged we realized just how slow they were. He would take us fishing after we had spent the day collecting snails or exploring the junk pile. One year we found an old shoe polish bottle and decided to paint his wash house. Since they were our grand parents we didn’t even get in trouble for doing so.

At my great aunt’s grave I remember how she went from having no children to being good enough to give up a week or so of her time every so often to watch 6 kids when she wouldn’t have a clue of what to do. It would always be a time of laughter for we kids as we knew how frustrated she would get and as children we would take advantage of it. We will never forget how she put a dress on our brother, who was all boy, since she could not find pajamas for him to sleep in. He threw quite a fit to say the least. More times than not, when I stop at her grave I ask for her forgiveness even yet today.

Her late in life husband would hold us spell bound when we were small with all his stories of how when he was a child he would herd turtles all the way across Missouri. Of course as we got older, we realized that he was just a harmless old story teller. How I wish now that I would remembered his jack rabbit stories and all the rest of them that use to drive grown ups nuts.

There are my other grandparents on my father’s side where I remember my grandmother who would let my sister and I play with her canes. Many times we would try to grab them before she had officially sat down and she would always have to say to us “wait wait let me sit down.” I now have a grandson that likes to play with my cane and I love it that he does. These are just a few of the family members that I have honored over the years and will give up this year because of the insistence of persons in my life that have a resentment that I honor their memories.

The vandalized grave each year of my Father’s grave will continue being a place that I take flowers, prayers and memories and to pay my respects regardless of how many times they choose to vandalize it. I will come back and back and back again and never fail to give thanks for the wonderfully positive attitude that I inherited from him.

I have so many memories and so many wonderful thoughts of him that always brings a smile to my face and that is how I will always remember him. The great big grin with his short teeth but always a good soul behind the laughter. I never got to do anything for him before he died. What I wouldn’t give to have had the opportunity to do so.

To those of you who have the attitude why do it, they won’t know it, they are dead. I know it is hard for you to understand it, but I do it because to me the memories of all of them bring back the joy of the part of their lives that they shared with me and it is the least that I can do. Why would anyone deny themselves, once a year, this moment of solitude and the time to return to the area of where a loved one lived, to have a private moment to say a prayer and to share a memory, and to keep just a small part of them alive in that one single moment, is beyond me. Like a Catholic Priest once said, “there is nothing deader than a priest who dies.” These are family members that once a year have lived on in a short memory through my private moments spent with them. God Bless them all this Memorial Day.

To the persons that insist on removing the flowers each year I say, I’ve known all along who you are, and you may be able to steal the flowers but you will never be able to take the memories. I hope after you are gone, and I make the journey to your grave, your stealing the flowers, isn’t the only memory that I have of you. If it is , it will be a damn short stop won’t it?:)

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If you have read my blog then you understand that the underlying core in all of the posts deal with feelings. Apathy is a total void of feelings(emotions) or interest in the environment around us. With apathy we become no more than a computer or robot. These are the people that could run over the neighbor’s dog and not apologize or alert them to it. The ones that a bomb could go off next door and they would complain about it interfering with their television viewing. We all know the kind.

Men were raised for generations being told that to display or have conversations based on emotions were a display of weakness. Real men did not cry. Only mothers could comfort a child. Children of both sexes were called “Big Babies” if they did cry. Men used and some still do, the arguement that women are too emotional to hold prestigious or powerful jobs. Sadly in many homes and corporations these attitudes still exist, so is it any wonder why we as a Nation have become so apathetical over the years?

Recent history does show some movement towards recognizing that any time we dismiss the feelings of others or show a lack of interest in them then relationships cease to exist. Unless we as a society do take interest in the feelings of others as well as Nations then we can expect Society, as we know it, to crumble. Although one in high places should not base decisions on emotions alone it is a great risk not to take into consideration the emotions,feelings and cultural differences of both people and Nations. The show of women as Secretary of State since the Clinton years offers some hope that we as a nation are starting to recognize that women can do well with positions of power.

Sadly, some families are still failing to place the importance on the individual’s feelings in their homes. Young girls and boys are given all the privileges and material products of youth and yet denied responsibility towards the same along with the parents’ time to sit down and converse on matters that are important to their children. If a child grows up hearing,”Oh toughen up” or “that is Silly” or “Don’t be such a big sissy” or “That is stupid” and all of the other variables that come out of the mouths of parents then we are raising them to be void of both interests and emotions. They grow up feeling that the lack of their parent’s interest in what they are interested in means that they are not valued or loved.

All the mental health experts will tell us that those inappropriate statements of fact and lack of interest, in lieu of giving importance to the emotional needs of family members can and often does lead to mental abuse. We all know that physical abuse is wrong but there still remains a huge group of parents’ that do not understand that emotional abuse can be and often is so much harder to recover from and the scars of verbal abuse often last throughout our lifetime. Eventually physical abuse will get the attention of authorities somewhere , we hope, and will be dealt with accordingly. It is the emotional abuse that goes on in homes that is so much harder to defend against.

Adults still are unable today to recognize the damage they are doing in trying to toughen up their children so that they can stand up to the bullies of the world. If we all understood that the mere nature of being a child means that they will all learn , given time, the appropriate manner in dealing with the bullies of society then perhaps we would offer them more comfort, love, and understanding in our homes. The number one statements that comes out of the mouths of young women with teenage pregnancy and young adults who turn to alcohol and drugs when asked “why” almost always is,” because I needed to feel loved by someone, I was bored, or my parents did not understand me”

This is why I write about feelings. Most of us can understand how we feel when we get our feelings hurt but then not have a clue as to what we are doing wrong when our children exhibit behavior that shows low self-esteem or poor judgement. We as parents need to understand that everything in our children’s lives are important to them. Even if we do not tell them they are stupid or silly if we tell them what they enjoy doing is stupid or silly they still will then feel that they are stupid and silly because their interests are.

Name calling is so destructive to the pysches of young people especially, that many times our children will grow up to prove their parents right. If you tell your child that they or what they enjoy doing, is stupid, many times they will grow up and make stupid choices. If you refer to your young daughter as being a whore or slut then expect to welcome home your first grand baby while she is still a teen. Children will become what we say they are. Although it is hard to believe sometimes, the words that come out of the mouths of their parents, are the most important words of all. That is the significance that words or teaching our children apathy plays on their lives.

If all we do is give our children material goods and never teach them responsibility towards taking care of them, from the hamper to the wash machine, to the closet then we are giving them all the privileges of adult hood without any of the responsibilities, Just as we get bored doing nothing so do our children.

If we think the conversations we have transporting our children to their activities is quality time and then when they get home everyone heads to their own rooms then you need to be aware that you are risking a child making decisions that their brain is not capable of seeing the long-term consequences to. AT some point your children have turned from their parents to their friends because at another time we made it clear to them that we were either too busy or not interested.

Teach them to be responsible first and give them privileges second and spend time with them at home not always in the car and you will see a difference. The home needs to be the one safe place for them to do the things that they enjoy, free from the temptations of alcohol and drugs and from all the ugly names that they will learn from kids who parents will toughen them up because they are bringing it from the home that is just as lame as what you are mistakenly teaching your children.

The world is filled with apathy so please do not allow it into your own homes. Children need love, attention, empathy and compassion from their home. Do not worry, you will not ruin your children by teaching them the value of love. You will simply give them the time that they need to grow up and be prepared to give love in an adult rather than an immature relationship.

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What drives some people to always see or think the worse in or of others? Why do they seem to cluster together? At the same token why are others so trusting of the goodness of people who allow themselves to constantly get hurt? Does compassion come from birth or does it come from having suffered pain and learning sensitivity to others’ needs as a result?

I definitely do not know the answers nor am I so presumptuous as to even take a stab at it but since I’ve made it the topic of my blog this morning I will discuss my experience of having encountered people who exhibit the above behaviors. I think one would need to live on an uninhabited island not to have experience the pain or the joy of the above behaviors.

I will begin with what is my opinion of people that always see the worse in others and cluster together. One would have to believe that there is a deep underlying insecurity in this group of people. We see animals group together in the wild in order to defend their pride or to protect their survival. I would imagine that fear of people in general must place some kind of role in these people as well.

The theory being as long as they believe the worse of people then they can protect their own feelings from being hurt or disappointed ,for instance? Perhaps they have such a disdain for themselves, in some cases, that they can only feel better about themselves, if they believe others are worse?

Maybe it is the old herd instinct when under attack by a predator one of the herd, flock, or group will have to be sacrificed for the survival of the group? So subconsciously if they are grouped up together against someone a person they don’t like will be sacrificed to spare them? All anyone has to do is use a wheel chair and understand what I mean when I say it brings out the nastiest of behavior in people.

We that are dependent on using them can testify many times to seeing the fear in the eyes of some people that even getting close to us may injure them in some ways. Others just glaze over and rudely reach in front us like we are not even there, or with children in hand, just step in front of us while ignoring the possibility that they would endanger their own children’s lives before acknowledging our existence.(Word of caution:many power chairs can weigh upward of 250 pounds and do damage if your child is hit). We are sitting and you are standing so which would you say has the better chance of looking over something and seeing the other?

All I know, is a group or cluster, of people always tells me that there is safety in numbers so there must also be fear in being alone and when there is fear there is protection and where there is protection there is paranoia and where there is paranoia there is mistrust…….

Long story short these people are cruel by nature and can only get their courage by standing together and hiding from their own nature, has been my general experience of them. How they got that way would have to be determined my someone much more knowledgeable than I, but one could assume some form of disappointment is driving them.

Others, I would imagine, are egotistical because they have been able to rule the nest and simply feel as though they are superior than all others so treating people with disdain becomes habit to them. Many of them appear to feel so entitled to treat people like their subjects that many times they are not even aware of their own rudeness. These are the people who can be very generous and loving to what they consider their own class but nasty as hell to people they feel beneath them. The Leona Helmsley type of people. Whatever causes these masses one thing is certain, the internet is the perfect place for them to hide.

They can be as rude,crude,nasty and just in general as mean as they want and hide behind it in groups with the other cowards. This must be a real Blessing to people who have longed to be able to treat people like crap and finally can do so without any restraint or control. I personally do not know how any of them could stand to spend alone time with themselves and perhaps that is why they are always in groups.

Without being specific then, it is my opinion, that the great number of us, the silent majority if you will, are neither particularly mean or generous. We have faults and we understand that and recognize the same in others. Most are just trying to get though the day without much thought one way or the other beyond who is going to pick up the kids and if the roast has been taken out to thaw. We have good days and bad where we are understanding of our mood swings as well as our mates or we are trying to avoid the world as best that we can. We are the people one paycheck away from bankruptcy many times and worried what we will do for money when the kids need to go to a orthodontist.

As far as the compassionate are concern, I feel that they are more than likely the people amongst us that have learned lessons from life by weighing the hurt against the joy of giving. Many times they are suspected by the mean-spirited simply because the mean-spirited have never done an act of kindness without having strings attached.

In general I feel they all represent the child in all of us that instead of turning bitter like many do they simply developed a genuine need to love and share. They are the people amongst us that refuse to let go of the belief that life is fair. They are sometimes seeking out another’s love and affection or certain that they can prove the good in everyone. They always see the good in a person long before they see what is wrong with them but usually when they do, they rarely are ever accessible again to those that did mistreat them.

All I know, is if any of us ever run across one we are certainly off our kilter if we do not take time to enjoy them rather than to use them. Many times it is a compassionate person that will inspire us to get through that one day of our life that we are truly convinced we cannot get through it otherwise.

They are the guardian angels of our lives. Unfortunately many times they get treated like they are Satan in disguise, and that is the reason some people need to feel as though there are people amongst them that have lived their entire life sitting on their butts doing nothing and are luckier than they are. They can do things for others they can’t. After all they have to work for a living.

The other person isn’t doing anything nor do they need help so why shouldn’t they be doing what I don’t have time for, is the attitude. It never dawns on people they are the independent that are just as busy but do not waste their time boring others with the details as they are sensitive enough to know how boring it is to hear about other people’s jobs or problems. The difference is they will listen anyway.

No one then is more fortunate or less fortunate, as a rule, but the difference again is, some people will constantly belabor their problems while others will not. The need for some people to think that their lives are so much more stressed or unfair over-rides their common sense. Other people have work to do or a job that needs being done and will stop long enough out of compassion, to take time to listen to other’s problems even though it means sacrificing their own needs and many times working late into the night in order to get their own work done.

The great majority of people then are provided with the people, they need to help them, in their lives but because of the wrong judgement, assumptions, or impressions they drive away the people they need many times and end up bitter or lonely when they do. More times than not we do become our own worse enemy when we judge others too harshly and when we do the group protection leaves as well. This is only my evaluations as well as my experiences you may have had different ones.

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I’m sure you can see the differences in the attitudes that I have been writing about in almost all of my previous posts, in the response I got to “A Black Eye For Italian Justice.”

The truth is it takes all kinds of people in the real world of individual thought, to get any two to agree on anything. The best that we can hope for is, that in the end, truth will out and goodness prevail. Unfortunately, we all get mad as hell when life does not go the way we want it to or insist it does.

In the long run do any of us really know the truth beyond how each of us perceive it? Probably not. There will always be those of us that will stick out our necks for those that we feel have been mistreated. It took me most of my life to understand that surely there must be a reasoning for the injustices in all our lives, but there is only one Power above us all, that will know what truly lies in our hearts and actions other than ourselves.

Just as I have encouraged independence and counting on ourselves to find our own answers,truths,love and happiness, and to stop the hate and blame games, when we do not get the answers we want, hopefully, I have also instilled in my readers the knowledge that there will always be another that will take up our cause against those who constantly attack. It is very obvious, how intelligent or caring any of us are as well as how severely lacking of both that we are, the minute that we open our mouths. Luckily those that live compassion also speak it, and they are always the ones on our side.

There is an old saying in America and it goes”Dear Lord give me patience but HURRY UP”! Most things are on the time scale of another with more power and insight than what any of us will ever have, on our own.

We only amuse ourselves in thinking that we or any other human, for that matter, has control over our lives. I have spelled out the number of ways in which we do have responsibility and must take it for our own families joy and safety but the big picture will always leave us speechless as to why things do happen that are totally out of our control. I applaud all of us that do not give up and do eventually find results when others think it’s fruitless. If I have learned nothing else, I have learned that “The Dear Lord” will help those who help themselves.

For us as individuals to worry excessively over what we cannot change or do not have the Wisdom to change, is one of the greatest waste of emotions there are. Trust me I still have days that I am learning that lesson. Regardless of the circumstances of our lives, there always will be unanswered questions when we ask “Why.” It also took me years, to understand this, but when I did, I realized that “Let Go–Let God” will work everytime, I not only knew we need to say it as well as we need to believe it and then live it.

I have a hard time understanding why people in mass will accept the belief of Satan from where there is no hope over the belief of physcology and medicine that offers nothing but hope as well as treatment.

If any of us learned tomorrow that Satan died would any of us really live our lives any differently than we already are? Please try to remember that none of us, are ever alone, as all of us always have within our own hearts the spirit of either, joy or anger and hate, and it is us that invites it in.

When we think we are the only one fighting for our cause there are always strangers who we many times will never meet or ever know that are looking just as hard for a discovery,cure, treatment, hope or the truth, for which we seek, when we ourselves never give up. Most of us can accept that we will die, for instance, but then when it becomes reality we can either curse it or embrace it and in that we have control.

Have a nice evening everyone, as I celebrate my 41rst anniversary with the man, I was never suppose to live long enough to, according to an earlier Doctor. Give up the control tonight and see how much peace you will enjoy.

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I typically do not comment on many of the books that I read but never have I seen such miscarriage of Justice as what happened in Perugia, Italy last year. I fully recommend that all people who are interested in the pursuit of Justice pick up the book written by Candace Dempsey(Italian/American writer) called “Murder in Italy” and read for yourself the injustice that has taken place there.

If any of us have ever had any doubts of what malicious gossip and lies prosecuted out of a pornographic fantasy of a zealot can do to justice, it is all spelled out in this case. The lies from the tabloid newsprint, that the Judge allowed in, were as equally distressing.

Clearly the prosecution and judge and jury had all the proof they ever needed to find one person and one person only guilty of killing Meredith Kercher of Britain and instead they went after two very innocent young people who are now doing double the prison time that the real killer is doing. We should all also hold the Italian and British press equally as guilty for helping cause such a miscarriage of Justice.

I understand that we have our own shameful trial in the O.j. Simpson trial amongst many other trials where the wealthy get an “out of jail” free card but isn’t it better to error on the side of freedom, than to knowingly put two innocent people behind bars for 25 and 26 years? Both the prosecutor and some jury members slept (literally fell asleep) during the trial. The Prosecutor would be found guilty later of miss use of his office and had been arrested for the same, prior to the conviction of these two young people. It was not connected to this case.

As upset as I am to know that Italian Raeffaele Sollecito and American Seattleite Amanda Knox have been put in jail over a story strictly made up with no proof or evidence to back it by a Prosecutor of the Church persuasion that believes in Satan possessions, you should be equally upset. If this horrid miscarriage of justice is not corrected by the public all over the world now, we then can expect this same miscarriage of justice to visit our own Countries in the near future.

In my opinion, American Courts are finding people more and more guilty in the courts ran by Conservative appointed judges, on nothing more than circumstantial evidence. Some Defense attorneys in States where they can make a choice, will ask a jury instead of a judge, to find the punishment, for a gay person that is found guilty. Why? Because they feel that the jury will mete out a more fair punishment for a gay person than a conservatively appointed judge will. It is not at all, that broad of a leap to think that we can go from there to speculation, gossip, lies, and yellow journalism convicting someone on our own shores.

I am glad to see that Washington State officials, NBC,CNN and Hillary Clinton along with the Free World are aware of this case and actively following it. They can use all the e-mails and letters of support, that we can send, in order to show our support to free these two innocent college kids.

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1. I know you can not understand, “how no good deed can go left unpunished.”
2. I know you can not understand why when you have already given so much that so much more has been taken from you.
3. I know you cannot understand how your acts of kindness can be so vilified.
4. I know you can not understand why when defending your own principles you can be judged so insane.
5. I know you can not understand why when defending the honor of another, who is being slandered ,it can be so misconstrued.
6. I know you can not understand how the truth can be turned into such lies.
7. I know you can not understand why your generosity belongs to those that always take.
8. I know you can not understand how peoples’ view of the innocent can be so unjust.
9. I know you can not understand why, a pure heart and mind, can be so suspect.
10.I know you can not understand why others have not discovered that prayers for our enemies can bring such peace.
11.I know you can not understand why when you accept people for who they are you are judged, so unmerciful.
12.I know that you can not understand why when disagreeing with another, person’s nasty assessment of another, that you can be viewed as being hateful.
13.I know you can not understand why when speaking the truth of the cruelty of how you were treated you are called the liar.
14. I know you can not understand why people who commit such horrid crimes and are on “death row” can be so certain they are going to heaven.
15.I know you can not understand how a person that has such pain in the loss of their spouse can have so little compassion as to take another’s spouse.
16.I know you can not understand how the mean spirited can have so many friends and such wonderful support.
17. I know you can not understand how someone with such a loving spirit can be so dispised.
18.I know you can not understand how someone you have never met can say such terrible things about you.
19.I know you can not understand how people can call themselves Christian and yet be filled with such hate for mankind.
20.I know you can not understand why people that are made lame can be so blamed.
21.I know you can not understand how people that abuse can be so praised.
22.I know you can not understand why the victim of rape often times becomes the accused.
23.I know you can not understand why those that give the least receive the most.
24.I know you cannot understand why people can not see through the heart of both a phony and a hypocrit.
25.I know you can not understand why people feel it their right to invade the privacy of others, by stealing what took others months and years to gather.

I do understand though that when you get older and are left with only your memories, that you will know the joy of both the Blessings and the Gifts of such pure compassion, such wisdom as to not to have understood and you will smile at yourself for having not known the humbling that goes along with an unwavering love while others could only hate. You will understand, when it is revealed to you that the lesson, my child is:
Nothing matters or is rewarded more nor is longer lasting than LOVE that is given unhampered and received undefiled..

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If you have read my previous posts, entitled ‘THE ENTITLED’ and ‘Excuses Are For 6 Year Olds’ then you have already had an insight into the mind of the co-dependents and the enablers. Most of us feel that the co-dependents and enablers are just normal folks with a heart of gold that feel a need to protect the weaker amongst us. If you do then you are mistaken.

Many times the co-dependents and enablers are protecting their own weaknesses as well. Both are as mentally unstable and as deep into denial as the people they profess to protect. Many times they actually use the person that they profess to be protecting as a disquise to get what they want as well as to carry out thier own personal agendas. It is always a 100% relationship with the co-dependent and enabler. They may be protecting their own feelings of insecurity or unbalance or have a great need to prove another person wrong. Many times they themselves harbor a deeper sense of loathing than the person that they profess to be protecting.

If it is mere confusion on the part of the co-dependent or the enabler and a employee,employer,friend or family member really believes this and are of healthy realization, themselves, they will reach out to question the other side of the issue. I can guarantee you with people in denial, co-dependency and enabling there are always going to be issues.

Many times if people really are interested in knowing the truth they will find that the people who were personally involved with the dispute are never asked or questioned about it. When this happens it tells us, immediately, that the lack of interests in the truth has been deliberately dismissed. The person taking sides is not interested in the truth in the first place. They simply prefer to believe what they are hearing from both the co-dependent as well as the enabler. To find out the truth in this situation becomes a bigger threat to them or their security than accepting the hatched up opinions of the liars.

This is not uncommon at all when an adult child, for instance, feels that they may lose the love of a mother if they disagree with the parent’s need to protect the weakest of her children. Siblings that have always had the lee way to rule the nest often times will form a co-dependency in order to guarantee themselves the position that their parents established, in the family.

Sometimes mothers will ensure themselves that their children form a co-dependency with her against their fathers. It is not unusual at all to see the oldest son/daughter making decisions with their mothers that commonly should be made between husbands and wives. This can also be true in divorce cases where Fathers corrupt the children against their mothers.

These personalities also play a huge role in families where both drug use and alcohol use have been passed down from one generation to the next. Even when parents themselves do not use alcohol to excess or drugs there is a huge amount of denial followed by enabling and co-dependency. What makes today’s drug problem worse that the earlier century is the fact that the drugs are being made in the family homes as versus shipped across the borders.

It is my opinion, that the greatest problem facing America today is the mental health issues of denial,co-depenency, and enabling that is causing children to be used as pons in both the divorced homes as well as when couples stay together in order to compete against each other for their childrens’ love. Many times the children feel that the contest between the couple is more important than they are and it is not uncommon to use drug use as an excuse and a reason for entitlement. Although this is not uncommon behavior and has gone on for generations, I feel it is increasing.

In years past a man’s word really was his honor. To be able to hire people whose only job it is today, to lie,about another politician or company tells me when truth is on a decline to the point these people are being hired and paid large amounts of money to do nothing but come up with creative ways to lie, then we are in a decline. I am not worried about the gay and women issues nearly as much as I am concern about “The Good Old Boys.”

The real grassroots we need to go back to is with families that grow up understanding that lies are not normal behavior and to what extent they damage Democracy. Sadly the way the Churches fight amongst each other as to whose membership will be the first to go to hell if the people are not a member of their churches, and where a woman’s place is, as well as the hate against the gay community, then where can we trust the truth to come from?

My answer, is the same as history shows it has always been, and that is from “WE The People!” We must be clearer than ever on who is a Greedy man as versus a Honorable man and stop it with our vote. It is our own example that will once more save Democracy from self-destructing. I’ve got faith in us all that we can do it again and again if we make it our priority to become aware and alert to what in truth is really going on. Certainly we can see through the many disquises of the right wing movement that lead to devision and misperceptions that are paid for and growing in,” America the Land We Love!” (See:’The Honorable Men’ further back on this blog)

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When we begin life, and before we understand that people do what they do because it is a pattern or habit, the only way that we do know how to communicate our failures or mistakes is with excuses. Maturity means simple acceptance of the fact that we all are going to make mistakes, forget important dates, and just in general prove that we are human.

If we fail to live up to the functions or commitments expected of us ,by ourselves or society, then we simply have “screwed up deliberately or in some cases unconsciously, in most cases”, when we fail to either do as we promised or be where we promised. To always give excuses beyond the truth of; “I didn’t really want to attend or I failed to make my house payment because I would rather have elective surgery, attend a concert, take a vacation, or replace the appliances in my kitchen”, we apparently put too much of an onus on ourselves to tell the truth, so we lie or make excuses instead.

People who truly have a death in the family, previous commitments, or are sick, rarely use these explanations, so we are all aware of the difference between an excuse as versus explanation. They certainly do not bury their poor grandma three or four different times. On the other hand, if someone has chronic health problems and we know they do, we should not always put a loved one in the position to have to offer an explanation as to why they are absent, either.

There are no excuses beyond spending the money for a simple procedure or replacing one appliance, as versus all of them, but the truth is we decided to not wait until we did have money in hand to pay for the expenses over making the house payment. Even an unexpected dental trip when we do not have the money means for now we only get the tooth pulled or capped and wait until we can pay for the rest later when we do have the cash.

Why this becomes so difficult for people to understand, I don’t know. Many times most of us are aware of who are living above their means anyway as we have all been called on to loan money until payday or some other more convenient time, so excuses only add to an already poor image that others have of us.

I do not know if this is a form of manipulation on their part to get attention,or if they genuinely do not care that their promise to pay appears to be a lie, or if it is an illness. Let’s face it, if we really wanted to make our house, car, utilities payments, we could have a direct removal from our checking accounts set up with-in 24 hours. If we cannot afford to pay because we have bit off more than we can handle then we should acknowledge that to ourselves and sell, I would think, rather than jeopardize further our own financial safety and security.

People for instance who develop serious chronic health problems, lose their jobs, are in serious car accidents, are hit with massive life threatening disease or lose everything due to the destruction that only “Mother Nature” can cause, live altered lives through no fault of their own. They then do have a legitimate excuse as to why they cannot accept social invitations or make their moral obligations to pay as they agreed to. In those cases most people even the government will give a lending hand. More times than not even Corporations will also help out as well as credit card companies themselves, will excuse the debt.

We all see the ads that say to the effect,”I am going to tell you something the credit card companies do not want you to know or the credit card companies are deliberately holding you hostage blah, blah, blah. The credit consolidation companies make it sound as though people who spent money they did not have, are victims.

I hate the credit card companies as much as anyone and that is the reason I have never had more that the one card. People that have 12 to 20 charge accounts or credit card companies in my estimation will have a hard time of convincing any of us that they hate credit unions or cards or institutions that let them charge. I think instead that most of us would agree that people who do not want to meet their moral obligations actually hunt these places down.

The big excuse that I hear that dead beats are coming up with today is “If the government doesn’t pay their bills then why do I have to pay mine?” I am pleased, as we all should be, to hear that we Americans have paid off $636 Billion of debt and have given up 100 million credit cards by the latest estimation. Some of this was forced on people to pay but the important thing to all of us should be, “We the People” are getting tired of hearing the excuses as well and are doing something about it. Congratulations Americans!

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Just win the lottery and the entitled come out like flies. Peoples’ lives are made unbearable by the number of entitled people who claim to be family or have a hard luck story to tell,once the lottery winners are announced. They come from all over the Country acknowledging some kind of entitlement to the new-found wealth.

Today I am not going to talk about the lottery winners, although my heart goes out to them, I am going to talk about the people who work hard, watch how they spend their money and finally earn the right to retire comfortably as a result of making the necessary sacrifices that got them there.

They have raised their children well so their children want to gain for themselves what their parents have been able to gain. Their children understand the sacrifices their parents made, since they were instilled with values, and do not even think of entitlement much less want money they did not help earn.

So in these cases, I am not talking about the parents who foolishly felt that if they gave their children everything then the children would give back to them, in their old age, either. I am not talking about the parents who all but deserted their children and once they became successful the parents returned, with their hands out. Today I am talking about the regular folks of life who earned the right to retire comfortably.

The people like you and I who didn’t have any help from anyone but began adulthood with nothing and understood over the years when it came to spending money wisely, they would need to have something invested or saved.

I am talking about anyone over 20 who knows and understands, many times in life,people will and do run into a financial snag, like the present economy, that causes them to start all over again, without anything. Financial reversals would happen in this couples life just as it will in all couples lives, who are not born with wealth.

That is why parents preach, “save your money” for the hard times. These baby boomers got that and passed it on to their children, who also got it. Not all baby boomers or their children, who are generation X, are going to hell as the Tele-Evangelists would have us believe. Unfortunately the squeaky wheel will always get the most attention.

Oprah said,”once she started making money she was amazed by the number of people who claimed to be family. She has said on her show many times,”You just need to know where to draw the line because if you don’t there will never be an end to it.”

She has also always had the good sense to know, even though she herself puts in many hours of hard work, that there is no one that works harder than what was known as the committed housewife,in my day, but is known as “the stay at home Mom”,today. Too many bitter people just assume that the “woman behind the man” is nothing more than a lazy uneducated and unskilled housewife with time on her hands when that uninformed thinking was never intended to be part of the “women’s movement.” Oprah has not only gotten that but she also understands those who feel entitlement.

This then is a true story about a couple who married and from day one never asked anyone for a nickel or took a nickel from anyone, on either side of the family. Yes, they do exist even today. The husband was from,” the old school”, where a woman stayed home and raised the kids and the wife was from the school of women’s rights and also knew, marriage is better if we work and reason within the scope that works best for both; So she agreed to volunteer her time,talent and ability while working in partnership in the community, as well as, at home.

They were baby boomers that neither dropped out, did drugs, or joined the sexual revolution. They were the members in their family who did not come up with excuses as to why they couldn’t do things to help out in their early years of life while they still had some order of good health.

Over the years they never excluded any family members and if the families got together it would be at their home. It was only later when the family felt it was fine to exclude them when they did not like the idea that the wife refused to be bullied by people who felt entitled; “It was her attitude” they all said, that made it just fine to be their guest and then exclude them from their dinner.

For years, since the woman chose to be a homemaker, or a “stay at home Mom”, and give of both her time and money to community,friends, and family, she heard how she never did do anything but sit on her butt, from family members who earned paychecks. Some members of this family were and still are operating on the entitlement program. Only people who got paid for what they did, in their minds, worked. So even today as this couple begins to enjoy the earned benefits of their life, the thinking still exist since the wife of the couple did not earn a paycheck, she was no better than a prostitute that got paid for her service.

Yes folks, there are families who consider themselves sophisticated,both working men and women, who are out there and who haven’t a clue in the grasp of the teachings of feminism, who actually do think and behave in this manner. Even when it comes to helping each other they put dollar signs or equal trade of labor up for bargaining. Any gifts or money given is always meant with great fan fare and accolades amongst the group that ties strings to everything they do.

Some of them feel they are entitled to a free handout from this friend and family member, who they treated like their servant. They never fail to tell her that it was her husband not her that earned the money. They feel that the wife of the couple, who has worked together to offer partnership and taken responsibility, when he could not be available, did nothing to earn the retirement, so should not be entitled to the money she and her husband share, but they are entitled to it. Go Figure?

The couple, even if the families do not understand it, have paid the piper, done their share for a lifetime and then counting back, and only the bitter are now calling the shots but no one is listening.

So the moral of this story is:give life the best shot you can, never forget how you got there, help out others less fortunate, and never tie acclaim or payback to it, and then feel free to live the American Dream by joining those who you admire while sharing generously with the choices you make,while “reaping what you sowed.” Let go-Let God when it comes to the entitled as their mother or parents believed that “God would provide.” Show her or them the respect, to be able to prove it to those who feel entitled to gain without effort put in or personal sacrifices made, amongst us.

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There are as many reasons that we give away our own power as there are people on earth. The unfortunate part of doing so is that more times than not we are not giving away everything that makes us happy to the strong but rather to the weak amongst us. Small children will never give away a toy or crayon that they are playing with if they have to fight to keep it. It is only after we become older and allow fear to enter our psychics that we learn to back off and give way to the bullies.

Sometimes we are not that attached to the item and decide that they can have it and other times we want to impress or make another person happy at our own expense. People that are empathetic by nature will always be able to justify that the other person needed or wanted it more.

It is the insecure that more times than not will have to have it. Sometimes they will take the item to only prove to themselves that they can and have no desire for it at all. Rarely are materialistic things in life worth fighting for as most things, unless they are an irreplaceable family heirlooms, are not worth fighting over. We see people do it all the time but the truth is five years after the fact, we rarely even know it is missing. The feud between the persons involved fighting over the item, however, can last a lifetime.

It is when we give away our own happiness to do, to have, to function or to speak out of fear, that we are in real trouble. It is not uncommon in a Democracy, for couples that marry bullies to sacrifice everything including their own happiness, as it is simply easier than to deal with the pain and turmoil that follows.

Many places in the world people are born never having these rights so they never know that they are being denied happiness. They then find other measures, wether it be family or tradition to find some level of comfort. Appreciation for the small things that go unnoticed by us, many times, is rarely so high as it is amongst the poor or amongst people denied.

Appreciation, itself, can and does bring along with it, joy. If we are born never feeling that happiness is a right then we just accept the status quo and find graditude in a healthy child and simpler things. Sometimes just being able to eat can bring on real joy because just as they do not have time to question happiness they cannot allow fear to control their lives and still survive. Even though on some level we may envy this simple way of life none of us would ever choose it.

Most of us are not even sure ourselves, what it is that does or would make us happy so never give it any thought. It is only when someone else tries to decide for us what would make us happy that we get upset. Many people go through the motions of their day just knowing that they are not happy or that they are content and never really giving it much thought.

It is the younger years of life when our lives are filled with stress that it is easy to lose ourselves and only later recognize that we do not have a clue who we are or what we stand for, anymore. We think back on the goals that we had set for ourselves and ask where did that person go. What happened to him or her?

This often times happens at middle age and sends many of us for a loop. It can be brought on by something as simple as noticing grey hair for the first time or from more serious circumstances such as lost of job, lost of health, or with the children growing up and leaving home. It is a very dangerous time on most of the marriages that have survived. Many times we feel like our marriages are sitting in quick sand as many times they are. Statistics show that couples that are diagnosed with chronic disease that have been married for 21 years or more are 98% of the time likely to divorce during this time.

The long and short of happiness is that it is something that we do need to give thought to. If we can not make ourselves happy we will never be able to show happiness to others either. It is no different from the person that is not able to love themselves. We hear again and again that unless we love ourselves we cannot love anyone else and still we blame others for our own lack of love and happiness. It needs to be put on the top of the list with priorities. It is only when we do come to the conclusion that we do know what makes us happy that we can determine the level of our own strengths. It is our job to know and not our spouses or our childrens or anyone else in our lives. We need to take the wedding vows serious and understand when we say “for better or worse through sickness and health” that we are talking about us and not someone else.

The more that we please others at an expense to ourselves the more difficult lost of both children and spouse will be for us to deal with if we never think beyond today about what does it take to make me happy. All the power we once had when we were younger or more self assured, before we let go to fear due to controlling or badgering by someone else, can be lost in a minute. Many times, even without fear, it has been given away and spread around to others and we never even knew it happened until we are called on to revive it for our own survival.

Whatever it is that causes us fear to confront our own happiness , whatever excuses we come up with, whatever denial we are in, one thing we can all be sure of is, sometime in our life,we will be called on to make our ownselves happy. If you plan on going through life blaming others for your own lack of happiness and passing off your own responsibility then you can be equally certain that your unwillingness to take responsibility for your own happiness will cause someone else lost of their happiness. Unless we are capable of both giving and receiving love that leads to our own happiness we all jeopardize the happiness of the people that we profess to love the most.

(Please note:This is not intended for the narcissists and sociopaths that only care about themselves and are the real cowards of society)

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