Setting Standards In Our Life

To leave out any confusion, for those who scoff at placing rules in our homes, and maybe are confused otherwise; Setting standards in our family, that we will all live by as well as expect our children to live by, are setting rules in our homes.

By being consistent with the enforcement of the rules we establish harmony in our homes, as well as eliminate confusion over what we expect of our child or children because we ask no less of ourselves. The rules or standards, are not unjust,too lenient, or too strict. We do the same when we set the standards in all of our lives, and that is why we know how to set them, and where to draw the line.

Too many times we set standards for ourselves and others that are simply too high to accomplish or do the reverse and set the bar too low. When we are looking for a job, someone to commit to, planning to provide for our children’s future, or what we will do to contribute to Society, we need to be realistic.

Many times we will blame life for not giving us the break it gave everyone else, when in truth, we did have the opportunity that everyone else gets but because we doubted or over-rated our own ability to perform, that of our child’s or spouse’s or felt it was beneath us, we passed on opportunity when it was right in front of our own noses.

If we are self-employed and constantly set the bids too high because our standard of living needs more, we often price ourselves out of what could have been a lucrative future if we had been more realistic about the competition we would be competing against. When we are willing to let the Company hiring, indicate what they feel is fair, and we take the lost income now, we will many times find that our exposure to others,while doing that job, can many times lead to meeting the people who will give us the break, if not finding it in the Company, where we currently work.

Although Companies are slower to show loyalty themselves, they still look for it in people, who give them loyalty. Many times they will remember we were willing to work for less and reward us accordingly,the longer we stay with them. Other times they will keep us on, when the next layoffs come around.It will never be the concern of Companies to make certain we can maintain our own standards of living, but instead, our responsibility to lower our own costs by eliminating wasteful spending.

If we understand that all people age and change their appearance and our only criteria in looking for a spouse is appearance, we are going to end up with something quite different, once we are married for a few years. Their character as well as their potential to adapt to their surroundings over trying to control it or us, along with the level of communication they exert, will offer us far more in the future, when life does become difficult.

Those who are continually angry or teary eyed or bitchy now, will not improve with age or commitment. The person that says,”I fell in love with them because they liked what I liked,” is often more in love with themselves than they are with us. We need to realize that the dating period is as phony as we are, since we both are on our best behavior. He or she are trying to impress us, as much as, we are them. Many times when they are rushing the courtship it is because they know they will not be able to fake it,for long.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that we cannot force people to think as we do anymore than we can force loyalty out of others or make them love us. If we see things, while dating, that are throwing up warning signals we need to listen to our common sense and pay attention to what we are sensing is a problem. The lies and behavior, we are picking up on now, will be part of our own hell, later, when we refuse to listen to those warnings now.

For those who are confused as to the saying, “The wedding cake is the most dangerous food of all,”I will explain what it means here. We are never so vulnerable as we are when we fall in love. We will do things unimaginable for the person that we have fallen in love with. Many will lower their own standards and the most honest of people can become liars. Many times jealousy or the inability to hang onto our spouses’ fidelity will lead to murder or criminal behavior on the part of those who would never have believed it years earlier.

2500 pregnant women who are mostly married, will be killed yearly by their spouses who professed to want children. When we telly the record of battered people in a marriage who are killed or injured and add the number who marry us for both our income or life insurance, those numbers go through the roof.

We need to sit standards before we fall in love and stand by them once we do. If we fail to marry character, but instead marry the bad boys or the wild girls, we will become part of what is bad and wild about them. We will not fix or change them and that we can take to the bank and bank on it.It maybe the only thing bankable in the entire relationship. As soon as they become bored,which is frequently, we will become history and hope that we still have our lives intact. Even though they may not want us, they often, make certain no one else will get us either.

I have written enough on children to make us open our own eyes to what direction we need to take in my previous posts but I would also like to add, that average intelligent children, do not make straight A’s unless our own pressure forces them into cheating or we hire tutors to help them.

When cheating happens we need to make certain that they are doing their own homework at home because they will rarely be caught by their teachers. Most of us would not be able to figure out their systems either. If we have average intelligence in our children, they obviously will not be getting 4 year full paid scholarships.

We need to make it both our child’s priority by having them earn income as well as our own savings will need to go into that pursuit.Lower income scholarships,not based on grades, statistically go to those living below the poverty line. Middle class students with average ability and average intelligence, who do not live below poverty, will get the least in both scholarships and loans. Buying a car when they turn 16, obviously will not be part of the plan, if education comes first.

When it comes time for all of us to give back to Society, we will need to look at our own strengths and weaknesses and decide for ourselves, where we will be able to contribute the most,in the best way that we can. If we have been doing nothing but taking or even if we are not always being paid for what we do, we have a responsibility to offer our thanks for the gifts of freedom and Democracy, we all enjoy.We need to educate ourselves in the way we will vote, that will protect both our freedoms and Democracy, and understand voting is the responsibility of all of us.

We find our own niche in life, by first finding maturity and character in ourselves and then in our spouse, by raising children who will make a positive difference in Society because they learned from our own example, as well as the guidance we instilled in them, and by giving back to America. When we set standards high enough for all to reach but not so high they or we, are bound to fail, we take responsibility for our own successes of life.

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Degree But No Work Experience

Add to the lack of work experience, your degree is only a highschool degree and you have been homeschooled, and it spells disaster, in some areas of the Nation, at a time that you are looking for work and competing against 40 year olds with plenty of work experience, who have been laid off, and new college graduates. Do not use that as an excuse to not look, however. Mom and Dad the easier you make the stay at your home the more you rob your own children of both ambition and ingenuity. Who will go to work if they find nothing but free and comfortable lodging with spending money? All of the above, are in trouble, if you do not use your own creativity,in the areas where jobs have not come back, when it comes to the job hunt.

Employers need to see why they should hire you over all the other potential employees they are looking at, currently. It is important that you are able to sell yourself as to why they need you as well as why you need them. Do not take your arrogance with you but now is not a time to be shy,either. If you do have experience or education beyond highschool, it does not always need to be in the field that companies are hiring, as many times Companies are only looking for leadership skills, while wanting to train or retrain you in their own work environment.

Of the three groups, unless you have had an erratic work record and have gone from one job to the next, never staying long enough to establish a clear-cut picture of your work skills, the 40 something is still most likely to get the call back. Employers do not want to see someone who has made it to adulthood totally dependent on mom and dad for their income and never having worked outside of the home. Add to that, home school ,and they have nothing that will indicate to them you even have social skills, much less work ethnic.

So what does it take to find a job in this kind of lost work environment? Dress professionally, lose the heavy make-up(light will suffice) and remove the ear rings if you are male and the nose ring if female. Conservative haircuts as well as hair color, are a necessity. Cover any and all tats, because employers are not looking for “cool.” If you are asked to come back for an interview, schedule it for the earliest possible part of the day, if they ask you to set the time for the interview. Many times when employers are in the position that they can choose from the cream of the crop that first interview(when all things are equal) will leave the most lasting impression. It also shows the potential employer that you are eager to get up and get going on the day.

So you have your college degree and have never worked as you stayed at home with mom and or dad and they paid your way. Was there something that you did in the family business or around the home that can beef up a resume? Do you have a hobby that shows talent or skill? What about volunteer jobs? Did you hold a position in the boy/girls scouts? Edit the school newspaper or year book? Hold elected offices at the college you attended? Are you willing to travel? The middle of the Country has not been hit as hard as the rest of the Nation. There have even been jobs that have gone wanting even with continued growth in States like North Dakota and Texas where they were not hit by an over built housing market. The same is true about over-seas jobs where english speaking people are needed.

Other States worthy of looking into, closer to home, are,South Dakota,Oklahoma,Iowa, Missouri,Kansas, Nebraska, and Wyoming. Although there maybe areas or cities in these States that have been hit hard there may be more remote areas needing help. Arizona if you are older. Arizona is filled with retirees and there are many times jobs for 40 to 50 year olds in these places as that is still considered young by the older population standards. The Nation is and has been short of nursing care for a number of years now. Handy men/women, even if you have been use to doing construction jobs, come at a premium almost everywhere, there are older people. It is not unusual handy men/women find that they can begin their own construction companies by beginning this way. Don’t always get caught up in looking at the larger towns or cities as often times the midsize to smaller size towns or cities have a difficult time filling job applications.

If you are drawing un-employment but not particularly interested in finding a job and even have turned down a job or two this does not weigh well with your future when the job market returns. You do need to get back to work. Any job, even if it is volunteer or temporary Christmas help, for now, is better than doing nothing when it comes to going back to work. The benefit of doing this, is, some times both volunteer as well as temporary jobs, can and do lead to full-time paying jobs, once we do make the connections and prove ourselves to be dedicated workers.

Do you have an older family member or friend of the family, that needs help and can pay you to help out? If your work record remains void, even during this time of difficulty, it will not bode well for you, when the job market does return. Most employers will take a good look at what you did by checking through your records and interviews or the lack of them, when they do start hiring again. It’s the character that we show during times of lay-off that can often times cost us or cinch the job for us,when the market returns. Sometimes, during times like this, we do need to both make and create a demand for ourself in the market, even when it means starting from scratch and last person out.

The good news is, that Bank of America is hiring 1000 new employees and there are signs that other companies, will both hire and keep on temporary help, after the Holidays. I have faith, even though it may take more time, that we will be back again, if we don’t elect incompetent as well as the same old mentality that put us in this mess, in the first place on Nov.2nd..

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You Want To Get Involved–Then What?

I would recommend that your read the previous blog first in order for this one to make any sense. Thanks!

I certainly would never recommend that an individual person or couple take it upon themselves to personally get involved between a relationship involving a husband or wife or a parent and child. It is possible that in doing so we run the risk of jeopardizing our own safety. What I am talking about is awareness. Many times we live next door to someone and never see them or pay any attention to them, beyond saying, hello.

Sometimes we need to consider forming a neighborhood watch if there is not currently one in our neighborhood. Many times in an abuse situation the adults will act strange in that they deliberately appear to be shunning the entire neighborhood. Abuse can only function in isolation as well as meth houses, can only operate in secret. We need to pay attention to what kind of a scream it is. Children playing and screaming and having fun do not sound like the scream of abuse nor do wives sound like someone having fun. Error on the side of caution for the child’s sake,without thinking that we might appear foolish.

What time are the kids coming home from school and are they old enough to be babysitting themselves? Are they being left alone at night while Mom and dad are out? Just in general we should not worry about being a “nosy Rosy” as many times we neighbors are all the children and wives have to protect them against abuse.

This small town near where I lived, like all small towns, was a gossip haven. They had a neighbor that they knew who was scrubbing their 8 year old daughter in lye with a wire brush along with other abuses. I never heard a thing about it while the family lived there but once they left and moved to a larger size of town they were immediately reported to Social Service and the little girl removed from their care.

The first thing I wanted to know was, why was this kept secret, when nothing else was. I haven’t a doubt that if someone like myself had heard about it, I would have reported it, so when I asked, it became apparent to me, immediately, the reason no one told me was because they did not want Social Service snooping around in their town. It clearly was not the only family where abuse was taking place. Statistics show that in any neighborhood of any size of town, one house out of three on each block, has some form of abuse taking place.

There is a terrible smell that gets absorbed into the clothing,hair and even lungs and skin of children when meth is cooking. It cannot be missed. We need to get in a habit of getting close enough to a child playing outside if we cannot already smell it coming from the home. We can ask them if they think their parents would care if they had a lollypop or if they want to play at the park with our child. If the mother never comes out and visits while we are visiting with the children or if none of them are ever outside perhaps it is time that we make the effort to get more acquainted.

I am not talking about the monthly or by-weekly pity trips or snoop sessions that I wrote about ,previously, that takes place in small towns nor am I suggesting they take an interest in what we are interested in. Once we find out that the kids are just couch potatoes and are entertained by t.v. or she has hobbies like reading or painting then at least we have an explanation over just guessing.

Not all meth houses are isolated from a neighborhood. We need to pay attention to bruises and broken bones that are not common. Especially if the children are sedate and are couch potatoes. If in visiting with the children or wife, we find that they are falling a lot more that what normal children or adults fall then get suspicious and contact the right authorities. Ask to remain annonymous.

Otherwise if your neighborhood is not the place you want to help then contact soup kitchens, large daycares, schools, and ask if they can use help with children, check with Children’s hospitals in regard to gifting or volunteering time. Large physcal therapy Clinics may be able to use free volunteer work with their children. In general anyplace where children play, work, or sleep.

We need to just remember to be more aware or alert of the children than what we commonly are. Obviously, the only way we can stop more laws and more government is if we start giving a little time. I know we are already short of time and energy as it is, but what I am talking about,for the most part, requires looking out the door or window and using both our eyes, ears and common sense. Time that we all have, that costs nothing, but could save so much more than any of us can imagine.

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HELLO__WHERE’S THE WALL?

I began my career before minimum wage was even law. When it initially became law, businesses could hire two part time women cheaper than pay minimum wages and they often did. The first minimum wage in 1966 or 1967 was set at $2.25, if I recall accurately. We were just bringing attention to women of the unfairness that existed between men and women in the working field. All these years later there is a real movement being made by the Religious right/right wing to take women back to where they, were barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen, so that white males can get the jobs that women currently hold.

After that introduction then, it may make more sense to you why I had waited patiently for my husband to decide if we could financially afford to remodel the old historical building that we had purchased. It was built in the 1800′s and had been turned into a home in the 1930′s and never updated. It clearly was a home in desperate need of remodel. I kept hearing from my husband, that there was no resale value in the area, and that was true,(although we would later be able to sell it) but it definitely was in a state of disrepair and needed to be brought up to code so that, if nothing else, the drafts would be blocked and the home made warm.

We had moved from the City to the Country to appease my husband. It was the only place available that my husband’s boss did not own and the widow lady all but gave it to us so that we would fix it up and the man owning the other homes would not tear it down and buy the place for the land. It included 27 acreas and the old hotel was 5200 square feet by the time I did totally remodel it with the help of a carpenter that my husband hired.

When it became clear to me that there was never going to be a good time to fix and remodel the home, according to my husband, was the day I exerted my women’s rights of equality, and picked up the sledge hammer and ax and knocked down the kitchen wall. Obviously, when my husband came home for lunch it was quite a shock to see a wall knocked down to the 2 by 4′s.

It was the beginning of my learning home decorating and would enable us to buy the home in the right locations/neighborhoods in need of repair, for little of nothing,and be able to put immediate acquity into our homes. It only took one strike of the hammer for me to prove that the “If it bugs you-Do it yourself” rule really works! Make sure you know the difference between a load bearing wall and a none load bearing wall though before attempting doing this! The whole house could fall in on you!

I am a total misrepresentation of what the right wing is teaching women about why divorce happens when women gain independence and for everyone of me there are another 9 just like me. We do have long lasting marriages, offer challenges and interests to our marriage and maintain the respect of our husband’s. Unlike what you are being told,by the Church ladies, we raise stronger, more independent children that are educated and developed to handle life’s stresses and HOLD families together rather than break up families. They have opened minds and compassion for the less fortunate.

I have total empathy for your daughters who will never be able to stand on their own, if their marriages end in both divorce and death. How can they be anything but, made weaker, by being dependent on men that they are boring to death? Men may sleep with them but most intelligent, self sufficient men and women want a companion, that they can communicate with, that understands their life. Both sexes are looking for the same thing and that is love and understanding. Men and women that work in their field or in jobs commonly held by other men and women, are usually more interesting to both genders. Tell a man she said, “such and such” and they will tune out; tell a man he said, “such and such” and they will tune in. The same holds true for women.

It doesn’t always take an education to be intelligent or to own common sense but it takes life experiences beyond home and kids to be interesting to other people and to form our own opinions as well as have compassion without judgement. Just as Christ had a deep empathy for women most of us come away with a broader understanding after having experienced their hardships and histories. Many stay at home Mom’s that believe in equal rights,worked before having children and are as well educated as the men and women that work with our wives and husbands. We are as well read and traveled, as working women and men and sometimes more so.

Some start our own businesses at home, some trade our own stocks, do geneology, further our education and studies, work part time,do volunteer work, sometimes along with working women and men and other times alone; for Red Cross,blood mobiles,as school aides, as hospital aides,as an E.M.T.,in thrift stores,on election boards, on juries, in walk-a-thons,fund raisers,soup kitchens, as veternarian aides,cleaning up after disasters,(the list never ends where women that believe in equal rights are found giving generously of our time) We run for local elections, work on campaigns, do random acts of kindness, work on community plays and dramas, and dedicate time to causes outside of the home and Church. We are not destroying families but rather strengthening them as well as our own communities. Both men and women support equal rights for women, minorities and gays!

Decent men are no different than women, in that they feel uncomfortable with people, that sacrifice for them if they truly love us. Men that are not red necks, do not want their wives giving up their own happiness for them, because they are being told it is their duty, to do so. The most unattractive person to both genders are those that are totally phony and brainwashed.

Any man that truly wants and is looking for the doormat that waits on him hand and foot, makes sure he takes his medicines and lays out his clothes, is not looking for a wife but rather a free maid or to replace his Mommy. I maintain that men will more likely stray on that type of marriage long before they will someone like us. Women like us, make life much more interesting and enjoyable enough to hang around to see ,just what it is that we will do next!

Happy Valentines to all! Enjoy and love each other and to those that are single please remember to Celebrate yourself! This too will pass!

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