The Movement Against Policemen and Women

It certainly must occur to many who surf the net or use it to socialize or blog that the next great movement against government by so called, “grassroots types” is to attack the policemen of America. There are innuendoes non too slight occurring all over the net. There is a deliberate attempt underway to sensationalize, undo police force, on the web today, and the only conclusion anyone with any common sense, could conclude, is there are people out to destroy the public image of the police by sensationalizing it as the tabloids do.

The latest to destroy their image is, the story of the policeman that fed the child he felt was hungry. The first was the lemonade stand in Portland. This type of sensationalizing of police force or control, in other words nonsense, will only transplant the idea of a police state in the minds of the radicals, that believe conspiracy is around every corner. Sadly, it will work with too many. As we honor all the heroes of the war today, we should also not forget the heroes involved in the gang and drug wars on our streets that are going on or have been areas of concern in places like San Francisco, Chicago and Miami to name a few, on a daily basis, either. The police men and women of America have every right to be both honored and respected by all of us.

If there is any truth to any of the stories to begin with, all I can say is “Thank God we had a policeman that was concerned enough to think the little child might be neglected and came to their aid with food. The line of decency needs to be drawn by, we clear thinking, Americans. If all Americans did treat their children as children deserve to be treated the police would not have to be concern about children that go hungry, are sold into sex slavery(the latest count stands as high as 300,000), run the streets and join gangs where the only thing that stops murder in some of our poorer neighborhoods, is, if you belong to their gang. The atrocities happening to our children are many, and sadly, many times the number one culprits of neglect are the parents. Both Police men and women are already understaffed in many parts of our Country, and we have some of the finest of American citizens protecting us all, and keeping us safe in our homes, they need to be praised and not disrespected, nor attempts made, to disgrace them, as is currently under way.

It was the right-wing, in its influence in the 20th Century, who started accusing educated Americans as well as College professors as being commies, reds,pinks, and anything nasty they could use or think of, liberal became the new buzz words. When the professors of our Universities were the first to say that Capitalism was less than perfect and failed some Americans the word liberal and leftist became the nemesis and hate word of the right-wing.

The hate built by the right-wing in America, reached its pinnacle in the 1930′s, and went on to what was known as the McCarthyism era, where every man or every woman behind every wall or tree was a communist pink or spy. Not too unlike the Jesse Ventura show on Tru t.v. is trying to make all the fanatics in America believe conspiracy everywhere, today, in my opinion.

Although there was a movement underway of some Hollywood type executives flirting with the idea of communism, it got totally out of control as a result of the paranoia of McCarthy, Many innocent men and women had their lives as well as lively hood destroyed as a result of the furor that existed in the day. If you listen to the right wing of the era,the liberals or leftist, found their birth place in the State ran universities of America. It would appear the right-wing are now trying to attempt to move toward the diatribe of America being a police state, by trying to sensationalize these stories. That is how all these lies get started. First of all they have to split and divide us, as a Nation, before they can find a stand hold to operate from. I would say they have done a good job of doing just that, at this point.

We can all agree that there are extremists on the far left every bit as destructive to Democracy as the right-wing but to categorize every ,Democrat or American, who care more about the needs of the working class and their continuation of the middle class as communist or socialists, is bizarre. By sensationalizing the efforts of the police, they can then move on to attack the Unions that protect the wages and benefits of both the police and firemen of America. As we have already seen by their advertizing and opt out plea,they won’t stop until they try to eliminate or break the backs of all Unions who were established to protect the wages and benefits of the working class. It is possible for capitalism to co-exist with the working class, American. Capitalism will never fail as a result of paying a fair wage to the people they employ.To heft every lie and fault on the shoulders of education as well as the working people in favor of maintaining Capitalism so the rich get richer is to deny the platform of Democracy.

Yes, there are bad policemen amongst the group of our American heroes who risk their lives on a daily basis, but it is one organization that does work, when it comes to policing itself. They are not always quick enough, sometimes to recognize the losers amongst them, but unlike other powerful lobbyist, they do not protect their fellow police, at all cost to the citizenry of our Country, as a rule either.

So as we pause today, lets give thanks not only to all the heroes of America that have fought in battles and wars, both foreign and on our land, but also those proud men and women, that wear the blue 24 hours around the clock, to keep both us and Democracy safe. It will take those of us with common sense and decency to stand up to the new onslaught of lies heading our way. We owe it to the heroes that fight for us all around the world as well as in our own home town and city, of America. It is the least that we can do. Thanks to all of you who have ever worn a uniform. We are proud and grateful of your courage to protect all we hold dear. A simple thanks rings empty in comparison to your great sacrifice to “we the people”. Those of us that appreciate You offer it anyway.

(please note: I apologize to you, that not a single site tagged by me on this post printed this. I wonder if it is, since I do present an opposing view from others who do have control of the sites on wordpress, is the reason It wasn’t printed? I have found that I get zapped off of many sites to do with Democracy,politics, or anything relavent. That is why I find it necessary to do so many tags in hopes the truth will be read)

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The Significance Of Self

We hear all the time, “unless we love ourselves, we cannot love others.” I do believe, in some cases, when we start out life we have love to give and, as such, we are capable of loving, without loving ourselves. I’ve heard people say,” that they are in love but they have not yet met the person that they are in love with.” In those cases I have always felt, probably due to their own behavior, that they were actually in love with themselves but did not recognize it as such. In my own case, I do know that I have loved everyone else, long before I recognized, that I loved myself. Some of us grow up confused as to what love really is as it has never been given to us unconditionally or we only felt love according to if our behavior met with approval or not.

There is no such thing as a mommy gene universally in all mothers. Many children grow up hearing,”we were an accident,the day we were born was the worse day of our mother’s life, or the only reason we were even born was because our mothers thought that they would go to hell if they used birth control”. Complicate that with parents who never tell us that we are loved, that are remote and cold while we are growing up, parents who profess to love us as we live in fear of being beaten on a daily basis, or have parents beating each other up and the whole ideal of love becomes totally misconstrued to the point that many are fearful to love or commit if that is what love really is. Often it takes years and years, before children growing up in these environments can even dare trust what we are feeling, is really love or if someone else that professes to love us, is sincere.

Every human being’s survival depends on being born selfish. If a baby didn’t cry until their needs were meant they would end up malnourished or ill. Most of us would sleep through, sometimes every hour and half feedings, because as all new parents can attest many times during a baby’s life we are so tired we are not always certain if we did wake up or if we slept through a feeding. It is a time of total and complete exhaustion, especially if one parent is doing it all alone. In many ways we never lose the need to be selfish. Some are just better at recognizing it than others. Every action we take from seeking friendship,to marriage, to what brings us joy is intertwined with our own needs being met, if we are honest with ourselves in acknowledging it.

What separates a selfish person from a giving person is innate to their character, if I was to hazard a guess. It explains why one twin can be selfish while another generous, even when raised identically to each other, including the same punishment being meted our to both simultaneously, regardless who is to blame. If it is not genetic then the genetic make-up that drives perception,in my opinion, has to play a role. Where one saw injustice for the punishment they did not cause, another accepted the same as being normal or had the capacity to block pain or go into denial whereas the other didn’t or maintained reality.

Many children will block out their childhood if it was too bad or separate from it emotionally while others never forget and relive the nightmare for life. Abuse alters and changes a person’s personality, entirely, from who or whom they would have been, otherwise. That includes people who tell their children they were not wanted and verbally abuse their children. I’ve heard parents tell their children that they were an accident, in jest, and watched the child’s facial expression crumble. I think sometimes we adults are immune to teasing and lose sight of what effect it has on our children. Many times that same teasing can send our children off to bully others, if they take it literally, as many do. Some children will totally overlook or block abuse where as others can be haunted all their lives and I’m not sure anyone understands for certain,why?

I have absolutely no regrets that I came late to the table, as far as loving everyone else, before I recognized my love of myself, because it is the reason I now gather so much pleasure and enjoyment out of my life. If every action I ever did was as a conscious reaction on my part to do or give because I would get something back as a result of it, I’m sure I would feel much more guilt or discomfort with what damage I occurred to myself, now that I am limited in what I can do for others.

I am a sincere believer in the reality that everything that we do for others without expectation or return or without telling the world about our charity is returned to us here on earth. If we use it to improve our own image or to get an, “atta girl/boy” or to fulfill some need of our own we can sometimes end up in anger,hurt or mistrust because we assumed and when our assumptions do not prove out then we get angry or hurt about it. On the other hand, those of us that give without expectations, quickly learn the value of doing so brings with it, its own reward, even miracles. I don’t even have to explain that to those of you who do know, what I mean when I say it.

If we never know or understand ourself and the reasoning behind why we did what we did or do what we do, we can become really bitter with life and mistreat others. Once we know the true damage, we do to both ourselves and others, exist is because of our own assumptions then we can learn better ways to give of our self and time or choose not to. Except of course when it comes to paying taxes and I would hope we all appreciate the fact that Democracy gives us enough, so we can at least do that much. When gifting is a choice and we are constantly resenting doing anything for someones else, all of us would much rather you did nothing instead of listen to your constant bitching or sign carrying protest.

The significance of self is, to know ourselves, well enough so we bring both hope and joy to others or we take blame so we don’t make the rest of our family,work staff, group, or America in general, miserable right along with us. Listen to the way people and media are talking. We have to ask ourselves why children bully? Give us a break! As the old cliché goes,”If you have nothing good to say then say nothing, at all.”

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Its Your House And Health

With all the outrage towards government and banks in America still running rampant, the consumer has lost sight of the fact that taxes are at an all time low. I will repeat it, until you hear me. Taxes are the lowest they have been since the 1950′s and interest rates have never been lower. When most of you were babies or not yet born, the interests rates soared to 18% and went as high as 22%.(on people’s house payments,not their credit cards) If you are bitching now what will you do when both taxes and interest rates start climbing again? It is true that deregulation of the banks and Wall Street led to the fiscal mess we are in but the banks were bailed out before OBama reached office and he had no choice but to sign the same when he took office. I actually agreed with that move,as if the banks are not able to function,neither is our economy. We were not in the position to slap their hands, regardless of how they got there, and say “bad boy,no more”!

The reason we no longer have the money that we once had on a more personal,at home reality, is not because of the present day government and Wall Street, but because we paid too much for our homes, in some cases,and in others could not wait to wash out the equity in our homes. The other major debt that keeps us feeling poor is our healthcare and property tax liabilities. When hospitals, across the land, went from County and State owned to privately owned we started seeing a huge amount of increases in our medical cost and insurance premiums. Many policies that we pay into are almost worthless even though they cost us, but we reason we have to have something. Even though OBama care is not what we wanted it does have some insurance reform as well as pre-existing disease clauses in it, that we would have to be stupid to repeal.

It should have been obvious to many, that parts of our Country such as Vegas, Arizona, and Florida were over-building and when the bubble burst anyone living in the area would have to pay for it with their property tax increase, but sadly the greed in all of us hoped it would go on forever. You are now watching your home prices slide on a monthly basis and are mad as hell blaming the wrong people. It should have been your State governments that recognized the crises they were headed towards but even if they had of, it is doubtful they could have done much about it. We are built on free enterprise, therfore capitalism, and government cannot stop or deny either, especially when all controls have been removed.

Obviously, if the mess we are in, was this simple of an explanation, then it would be easier to fix, but it gets so complicated that many people in charge of our economy are in a quandary as to which direction needs to be taken and are now struggling to find the answers. This is totally new territory and they will make mistakes until they do hit on the right solution, as to where we can get the funds to recover, when there are none to begin with.

Because both we the consumer as well as the government were in a frenzy spending money we did not have, we put it all on credit, we now must pay the price, whether we saved or spent. In many cases it is those of you that helped create this mess yelling louder than those of us that did save. Although we are now paying back on a personal level, until the job market returns, government has to keep the taxes and interests rate low, so I assure you, none of us are yet paying for either. When they do start paying off the debt it will lead to either increased taxes or more job lost.

All those second homes we had to have, that also, are not worth what we paid for, all that credit card debt, all the bigger closets we had to build to house, our out of control shoe shopping, all the meals we ate out, all the money spent on entertainment,suvs,boats and nicer more expensive cars and toys, all those stainless steel appliances we had to have even when it meant we threw out good appliances, all those granite counter tops we had to have to keep up with our friends, daycares tripled in some parts of the country especially when children were placed into the private schools, etc. we are now paying for and have no one to blame but ourself. At the same time we were spending in some cases $600 to $1000 dollars a square foot, to have that must have home or condo, people were buying the places we should have bought, and flipping them for a huge profit. We could have done the same with our own home but we were not willing to put in our own sweat equity. We had to have the perfect paint colors,with counters and appliances or we would walk away from it.

In many cases we did buy our home at a right price but every time the equity increased or the value of our home escalated to an artificial value that it was unable to sustain, we could not wait to take out a home equity loan, home improvement loan, or by whatever name it was called, we bankrupted our own home by taking out what actually are second and third mortgages so we could live better than what we made. None of us want to admit that we knew we were living a lifestyle we could not afford and did not want to do anything, but stay in denial, while we took that nice family trip we took on credit or bought more clothes or shoes. None of us fooled anyone, not even ourselves.

While a great deal of this was going on, there were others that saved 15 to 20 percent of each paycheck for a rainy day. We initially lost a great deal in our 401 k but in most cases we are back to where we were ,or not far from it. We like you, are afraid we will lose our jobs or in some cases, where we already have, we have been able to ride it through, due to those savings. Some of us even put off buying a home until we had a large down payment and are now buying those homes that others can not now afford, because they financed both the house as well as the down payment.

Long story short, this is not about pointing out our faults or mistakes but instead reminding us that many of us have no right to be so hateful towards those that we are blaming unfairly. It is time to stop the hate and the finger-pointing that is making all of our lives more miserable.What is important is that we have learned from our mistakes and know almost every generation before us/you have made the same mistake and came back and retired millionaires, anyway. It is not over, “until the fat lady sings” and she is not even doing her warm up exercises yet. I know her personally.

Two things in life that are always important to know and understand regardless of the situation are: Never lose sight of your own ability to come back and if we send out the karma of blame, we will make achieving our own goals that we were on our way towards achieving, that much more difficult to gain. Success of any kind takes ownership of the problem. It is time to stop the hate and whining and to get imaginative in our own lives. If we start working together maybe the politicians will as well. We can always hope for the best and many times be rewarded with the same.

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Time To Move On…Healing

Some people appear to be caught in a cycle of pessimism and obsession that is clouding their own ability to think, in my opinion. Although it is not my attempt to sound insensitive, sometimes reality can sound that way when times are difficult.

Regardless of what our present situation is, until we accept the reality of it, we are stuck in a place that we can not move on. Many people who should vote are saying instead, “If the politicians have not figured out by now that the American people want results without debt, nothing we say or do can make a difference,” To not show up to vote, only worsens the pessimism when we do not believe in or act on” Democracy as it stands” and do not exercise our privilege to vote. “Once burnt, twice wiser” should be the battle call of us all.

For 5 generations now, my family just as many of yours’, have left behind friends, family and home and moved to the area of their ultimate success. Many of us got burnt on a home that we should never have bought, either because of our own spending habits, we lost a job,our health forced us into retirement, or because of the greed of both ourselves as well as business associates or elected officials. We readily listened to and accepted their terms, when we knew better. This happened and existed for generations before us, as well. Todays housing market problems may exist for other reasons but rarely can any of us plan on retiring from the same company we started out with today as we did in the past and receive the gold watch. That is the fact.

When our ancestors reached America, it did not immediately mean wealth nor escape from meager wages. It took a lot of sweat equity for them to build a place they called home. We are the off spring that learned many years ago that the need to move to where the jobs and freedom were, was going to mean losing homes, friends, and leaving behind family. Whether it was immigrating to America, the Fall of the stock market, the Great Depression, or the dirty thirties all our families have been effected by, greed,weather conditions, and a falling market.

Even with the current debt crises we are in, it still does not rank with the hardships many others are facing around the world. The people in America, that move ahead and accept that as fact, at this point, will be the people who gain from doing so. Some may have to travel back across the same Ocean that their ancestors traveled generations ago, in order to find employment in their field, and return a few years later to work. Many college graduates work in other fields from which they do not get their degrees, but education itself, will open the doors for them over those that do drop out.

If we vote for the candidates that want to return to the Bush-era politics, believe those that are paid to lie, complain, and hate the most, against their competition, or takes in the most special interests money to support their anti-campaign, we are sending the message that we accept that type of campaigning. We would rather blame them, than get off our duffs and make the personal changes in our politics as well as our own lives that need making.

If you feel you are doing everything already then ask yourself, what more can you do, to make this time of crises turn from negative to positive. Families have not felt entitlement to remain in the same area as they were born, now, for generations. What makes us feel so entitled to? Yes there was greed and plenty of fault to go around but that was then and now we must move ahead, having been the wiser for it.

Just as many of the breadbasket people who moved to the area found out in the dirty thirties, no occupation, including farming is forever. Many hooked up and loaded very little of what they had and headed to the areas that word had spread they were hiring. Sad was the days that they would arrive to find themselves too late for the few available jobs and more starvation but persevere, they did.

They used their ingenuity and skills and made another, better life, for themselves. They did not wait for government to make and find jobs for them while they yelled about government being too big and too far in debt. True, the Roosevelt decisions did turn around the economy through the government injection of both money and jobs but many others started over without government help.

How can we now possibly have it both ways, as long as most of us reject it or scream about the debt? Do you want jobs or do you want debt? unfortunately, before we can work on both, people and Corporations will need to start hiring and spending. Sometimes when people do start over they become amazed that they waited so long to get started. In all kinds of economies many of us enter the job market,” low man/woman” down, despite our level of education.

It is in how rapid we rise or get back up after we have fallen, that will prove our own ability. We can do the same, once we recognize the part of the Country or World, that is hiring and has not been effected nearly as hard as the area you are in has. American business. like all other Countries, in the World Trade Unions is now scattered worldwide as are the jobs. Vote Nov. 2nd.

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Accepting Disability

Congratulations! By now you and your loved ones as well as the medical profession, are all on the same page. I would not interfere with or suggest that I know how or why you reached this mile stone in your life, but I understand as you must have, that we each have our own path to take when reaching this point.

If you have followed my posts, then you understand as I do, that I cannot write about the disabled through mental illness, severely brain-damaged, catatonic, or severely paralyzed as, I, just like you, have never experienced this type of disability. Just as there are stages in cancer or heart disease there are also stages in disability. Sometimes, especially with injury, it is a very slow progression, if it progresses at all, and with others, that include disease, it can be fairly rapid. I do believe it is safe to say though that regardless of the disability, unless we have reached the mental state of acceptance, none of us do totally understand how we will react or respond a year from now.

I hope that by talking about my own experience then, I can help you discover,as I have, that the mind needs to be in the place of acceptance in order for the body to respond accordingly. When I reached the point that I understood any further testing would simply update medical records and bring no further relief or change of treatment to me and that.” it was what it was,” then I understood,I was left with nothing further than accepting what I could do and what would be very painful to do.

I began my introduction to the idea that things would never be normal in my life, as I had planned it, when my body was sending out all kinds of warning signals that seemed to be untreatable but at the same time was raising my blood pressure. Along with the disabling disease that caused a great deal of pain, I was reacting to the treatment. Our children were still quite young as I was only 28 years of age, and initially I could not distinguish between symptoms of what ailed me, versus symptoms of drug reactions. It is extremely difficult to do, especially when the diagnosis is inaccurate or someone has deemed themselves God in our lives, and decided to withhold the truth from us, by playing down our symptoms when we ourselves already are experiencing debilitating pain.

I went through all the emotional upset and trauma that we all go through as I had always had the attitude that it would be easier for me to die than to be disabled. I, like everyone else, had heard of,” all the miracles of modern medicine” so it came as a shock to me that medicine could not cure everything much less not be able to treat everything. Just like you, I asked the question, “why me” until I was able to answer it with “why not me?” All kinds of mistakes were made by me and those around me, and I definitely suffered dark periods in my life. Whenever they attempted to treat one area of my body then it would throw off another system of my body. This is quite common in treating the central nervous system.

Many times I had to complain for several years before I was taken seriously about my complaint once the Dr.s did get the diagnosis correct. There was a real sense of, “we can’t do anything about her complaint so lets find something wrong elsewhere and get her to concentrate on that.” I would advise everyone prior to having surgery of any type to ask if it is elective or mandatory for the condition in which you need relief. It took me much too long to see past this ploy, I’m afraid.

In short it was a helluva place for me to be as I tried to protect my loved ones from it and never spent a day in bed outside of when I was hospitalized. I went ahead and took care of my own responsibilities along with most everyone elses, other than my immediate family who understood as they lived with me, until I reached the point that to push myself any harder was very destructive to both myself as well as my longevity.

Still today I will go ahead and do something that causes a great deal of pain like refinish a piece of furnish just in order for me to understand that if I had effective pain treatment I would not be physically disabled. Effective pain treatment at this point would definitely put me into an almost catatonic state due to the increase of the necessary amount of drugs it would take to allow me to operate pain-free and under normal ability. Sadly, I am allergic to the standard form of treatment for my particular disease.

At the very least, abusing or increasing substantially, the only drugs available to my treatment themselves, would lead to mental confusion,anxiety and depression, if not cause early death, so I gladly live with the pain treatment that dulls pain if I do little to nothing. I can still determine to what length of time and rest I can take and still feel well enough to enjoy my life. I plan on staying in charge of my brain since I do have less and less to say about my physical abilities and must use the necessary aids available to me.

With all diseases, there are good days and bad days. My best days will always be the days that I can accomplish doing some of what I want to do. Many times because I have developed interests in oil painting,collecting,reading,genealogy,research and writing I can have a terrific day doing very little according to Society’s point of view, and still be relatively pain-free, as well. I can do most hobbies upwards of an hour a day. Most of us will learn that we have never really done what it is that we truly love doing, prior to our injury. At this point it is all about keeping my mind healthy to both concentrate, learn, and to becomes less dependent on the pain treatment.

I understand that on days that I want to do something I will pay the price in pain but I prefer doing it, to being waited on by a caregiver and being bed or chair bound permanently, due to the fact that my mind has been lessened as a result of pain treatment. Since pain is no longer relieved by rest my tolerance to pain has built naturally over the years. There is a real danger with Doctors either under-treating or over-treating with pain medication so make sure, you yourself, knows the difference.

Long story short, it is my hope that all of you can and do reach the point that you have cried your last tear, yelled out of anger and frustration, for the last time, and found genuine peace in the things that you can do. I hope you find real joy of waking up each day knowing that you and only you are still in charge of the areas in your life that matter the most.

I hope you never question or listen to what people who have never experienced your level of disability have to say on the subject.(unless they are medically or spiritually trained to offer relief or peace of mind or are kind enough to act as your caregiver and to listen to you) I hope you have found a Dr. that will be honest with you and help when you do ask for help. I hope you know to celebrate and rejoice in what you can do and no longer grieve what you can not do.

I hope you have learned the value of this moment,hour, day and see the beauty in each day. I hope if you require a caregiver and still have responsibilities that you do not ask others to do what you can still do ,yourself. I hope you have a good imagination that allows you to figure out a different way of doing the same thing that you use to do and have learned patience in doing so.

I hope you get a genuine”kick” or “hoot” out of life and count your Blessings for being a part of the human race, regardless of what the ignorant or ill-informed seem to think or believe to the contrary. I hope you despise sympathy and understand and empathize with others who have less than you do. But most importantly of all, I hope you do know your own strengths as well as your own limitations, and have a support system that applauds you for knowing the difference. If that includes no one more than yourself and a good book and you still know the joy of waking up each day, then you have made it, my friend. I do know it is all possible with the right attitude, just as you have already learned, yourself. Congratulations! I’m proud of you!

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Raising Children To Be Themselves

When we study genealogy, nothing is brought home more than,” the more we change the more we remain the same.” The statistics in each individual family remains fairly even when it comes to the failure versus success ratio from one generation to the next. There are very few if any families that will remain free of at least one family member having a criminal background over a three generation period, for instance. We can see a pretty well-rounded constant of the first generation establishing land holdings and or wealth, the second generation holding it together, and the third generation losing it.

All generations seem to have the proverbial favorite child that fails and the not so favorite child that succeeds. Our view of right and wrong also remains fairly consistent over the generations, so morality remains variable to constant then, as it does now. Views of what are and what are not acceptable behavior do change with almost identical results.

The moral protests over government as versus its people also remains fairly constant. Those that would prevail with the ideals or attitude that we as a Nation are more threatened now than what we have been in the past, when it comes to laxe rules of morality, would find if they looked closer, per capita we are pretty much even with the past when we discuss issues of morality. We have, though, as a people made huge progress in areas of equal rights,reducing race discrimination, and brought attention to the accepted ways of thinking that have become outdated in both areas of human rights and human behavior. We have gained in compassion for both the understanding and equality of others. We have a great deal to be proud of in the advancements made in these areas even though we still have a distance yet to go and that compassion is being threatened.

America has never totally known what to do with her freedom or the best way of governing it. Certainly corruption in government is not something new to this day and age. Families that sometimes appeared to fail the worse would have a child or children that would out succeed those that appeared to have children that were raised in ideal backgrounds.

Some families knew and understood the value of raising a child to be themselves without depleting their creative abilities. In doing so they also understood, the child would grow up in the field they were ordained to conquer, and thereby the chances of success as well as happiness would be increased. That theory is not new to the thinking of child behaviorist today.

Most pointers of success, show that self-expression can be allowed and handled better in a child that is taught the natural order of right and wrong and is disciplined, over the child that is neglected or free to run or govern themselves. Sadly too many families think that a child that is disciplined will have all their natural creativity taught out of them. This simply is not the truth, children can be allowed self-expression and taught how to express themselves, in ways acceptable to both home and Society, through discipline.

There has always been and will continue be, an acceptable way of speaking that grants respect to both child and adult. Children must have rules that will not interfere with, but strengthen their nutrition, sleep, and safety. Just as adults that speak of others or to others in both nasty words and actions do not feel good about themselves, neither do our children.

Teaching them a vocabulary that is not offensive to the adult population is not stifling their abilities but rather teaching them acceptable behavior. Just as an adult does better with a clear conscious so does and will a child. Children need the security and guidelines necessary to make them feel safe, loved, and good about themselves. Just as we adults can perform better with the same, so do our children perform better with the discipline. We can better offer that through, guidelines, curfews, and constant reassurance both through our own action and words.

It is when public schools or we as a family demand that all children be on the same page at the same time we find less than stellar results. We now must play catch up in order to correct the mistakes made with the “No Child Left Behind” program. Just the same as when a child was forced into accepting and thinking the previous generation had all the answers and therefore should be seen and not heard, has failed to provide acceptable results in the past. We as both a family and as Americans must always search for and seek out that which will work best for us as both individuals as well as a Nation.

Going backwards to an era that has proved to be less successful than today, when it comes to equality of both race and gender, strikes me as foolhardy, at the very least, if not down right dangerous. Clearly, the interests of the special interests groups should not replace those of the majority of Americans, nor should they have power over those of, “We the People”.

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“I Don’t Hate YOU! I Loathe You!

It’s amazing to most of us how people can hear those words or similar words and still hang on to hope. I can not express it enough to all of you that read this–IT”S OVER! do not try to talk yourself into the old standby that there is a thin line between hate and love so as long as they hate you then they still have some feeling for you. It’s done,finished, over and please get the message. They are never going to come to their senses on your terms as they are not you.

Stalking them beating up their new love interest sending threatening messages or messages of endearment will not resurrect the relationship. There is not an apology or a gift that will change your chances of winning them back. Clearly they are sick of you. Now is a good time to ask yourself how you could have misjudged the relationship so badly. It is not going to make you feel better to get revenge or to retaliate. More than likely you will do jail time and I can’t imagine a soul that will ever want to date you once the word gets out that you are unstable. I don’t care where you live sooner or later the word will get out and you will be exposed as a real nut case. They are getting on with their lives and it is time that you do the same.

In writing this, I am well aware that the extreme people who need to hear this will not. If I can reach the borderline between you then I can offer hope. In every 5 people in America over the age of 25 there are 4 people who have met the person that they felt was perfect for them. Instead the relationship ended in broken or imagined promises,failed dreams.heartache,and assumptions that we made but in many cases they did or did not agree to. For some of us it is the worse emotional pain that we have suffered to date and the sooner we deal with the pain through professional guidance the better our recovery will be.

If we can not afford it counseling is offered free in every county through Human Health Services or there are a ton of books on the subject in our libraries, for those that can apply information to their own situation. We break up, we grieve, we swear off of all men or women and just when we are certain that we will live life single we meet the person that truly was meant for us.

That is if we have not behaved like some kind of possessive or controlling nut case in our past relationships. If you have so little faith in your own ability to both attract and keep a mate that you have to suffocate them by controlling them then expect none of your relationships to ever work out. The only difference between a control freak and bully is to the level that we end up loathing them. There might be a few teenage relationships that begin with “Oh we love each other so much that we cannot stand to be apart” but for those of us that mature that wears a thin line quick. Men need time bonding in male relationships just as women do in women relationships.

Now that you are no longer a couple it is an excellent time to get the professional help that you need to determine what you did wrong and why you felt it necessary to stay until the relationship reached that point. People do not just wake up one day and despise us. No matter how good we think we were to them we did something to help create those strong feelings against us. We may have picked someone who was only out to use us, someone who made it clear they did not want attachments, someone who is married and has no scruples or we met someone on the rebound themselves and they were not ready for the same level of intensity in a relationship as you were.

At any case we are as responsible for going into denial in regards to what we were told or for not wanting to believe them. We decided we could change their minds or that we would be the one that was different from all the others. Guess what? We weren’t. On some level we all play a role in the end of a relationship. As Mayou Angelo is quoted,”people will show you who they are and when they do believe them.”

If we are healthy, kind and capable of trust and understand the need for both genders to have an input into their own lives without smothering them or controlling them as well as understanding their right to make decisions then the person that we truly were meant to find is waiting for us. Do not screw things up so badly now that you never do end up with the person and character that you have been looking for all along.

Your life is not over, it is just beginning, as once you learn the lesson of this hardship you will be prepared to deal with the rest of life’s challenges and hold your head high when you do, if you do not screw it up now. Please do allow yourself a time to grieve your lost so that you do not carry it into the next relationship that was meant to last. They’re a ton of us that have walked in your shoes that are cheering you on. Don’t let us or yourself down. Your’s was no more special than what we thought our’s was so keep in mind that we are waiting for you to join us as we are having the time of our life, and just as you now feel, is the same way we felt. Do not miss this opportunity that awaits you and Good Luck!

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The Best Years Of Our Lives

Looking back sometimes is the secret of today. I don’t understand people who advise us, “to never look back.” Was their life or they so terrible that they think yesterday will immediately cause distress? My experience is if we never look back then we never take advantage of the greatest teacher of all in life and that is “Hindsight.”

It is when we look back that we can both learn what we did wrong as well as how far we have come. When we all learn that the challenges of life are to learn from is when we appreciate more the direction that we have taken or if we need to take another direction. If we would all work through the pain when it hits then we would be able to look back with wisdom and not pain or guilt. Way too many people turn to alcohol,drugs or go into denial and stay there and only hurt themselves along with the innocent people in their lives, instead. I wish more people would get that.

People that accept generalities such as life sucks, you can never win, or what a loser or other such negatives probably had an experience where they refused to realize their own connection to why they are disappointed now. It truly is such a relief when we are able to “woman/man up” and say to ourselves, “Oh now I get it.” Every disappointment in our lives rises from the assumption that we all have and that is health problems, trouble,hurt, crime, death, and pain happens to other people,not us.

The arrogance of the thinking itself will lead us to more unanswered questions than the truth we will ever learn from it. It is true,”that bad things happen to good people” but it is also true that we create the majority of both our own troubles as well as our own happiness. No one wants to admit their own blame but everyone wants credit for their joy.

Would any of us be so hateful and bitter as to wish what we have been challenged with in life on someone other than ourself? Did it even occur to us to ask, “If not us then who?”Those of us with compassion and empathy for our fellow-man, I think,would agree that we would not wish our hardship on our worse enemy. We realize that hardships are as much a part of this world as the joy of a new-born child is a part of life. I would think that all of us understand that we will be tested on some level and according to how we deal with the tests of life is how we will gain our ultimate success,strengths as well as our legacy for the next generations. We learn very little in our lives when everything is working according to plan. The real lessons are learned through our hardships.

There has never been a person in life,short of those with the criminal or sick deluded mind, that set out to deliberately screw up our or their lives. The good news about that is we can make the choice to walk away from rather than associate with those that would set out to destroy us. No one forces any of us to deal with the people who would wish us harm other than ourselves.

As pathetic of a job that we feel some people,parents, as well as ourselves do in life,most of us that hurt others are acting out of delusion,instinct,fear, or learned behavior. In short we are all humans and as such all of us will and do make mistakes that the great majority of us would take back if we could. When we recognize then the error of our thinking and reaction to other’s delusions or misunderstandings is the day that we learn the value of both yesterday and today. It is when we can both forgive our enemies as well as ourselves, that we learn peace of mind. There really are not any excuses not to as we are the ones that will gain from it if we do.

I don’t get the fact that for many, a yearly trek to their highschool reunion is going to be the highlight of their year even when they are in their 50′s or 60′s. I don’t get people looking back on their childhoods as the best years of their lives. I don’t get people thinking their 20′s were their best years. I remember all those years as being years of awkwardness,confusion,fear,uncertainties and naivety. I often ask myself what happened to these people once they became responsible towards making their own decisions that they can only find happiness in their irresponsible and incompetent years? No matter how great and responsible we think we are in our youth we will never be as responsible and competent then as we become later.

I remember being told that I should enjoy my highschool years as, “they would be the best years of my life.” “Lordy” am I glad that proved to be some of the most off centered advice I ever got. I would have missed out on the joy of my marriage and reaching our goals together, the birth of my children and the pride that goes along with their being successful members of society, both the sweethearts and asses that I meant since, the challenges that I look back on and ask”How did I survive that one”, my own self worth, sense of accomplishment over my personal struggles, all the trips I would take, the jackpots on the slots that I won, both the lessons learned as well as the wisdom rejected that did not work for me as I was getting it from someone who did not have a clue themselves, and without a doubt the sweet sweet laughter of my grandchildren.

Just as there are good times behind us there are equally good times ahead of us once we learn to see both the joy and humor in life. The greatest joy of all though is that happiness that we ourselves earn through both sacrifice and wisdom. Whatever you are dealing with today that makes life look so impossible just take a deep breath and give it your best. The real success of life is to be able to look at each decade of our lives in truth and to know and understand the value of it being the best days of our lives. If we can only look at them with sorrow or guilt then we need to change it today.

You will be amazed at how much comfort it will bring you tomorrow if you can look back and say, “hey I handled that well” instead of kicking yourself by making both yourself and loved ones around you feel even more miserable. Enjoy your day, your now and learn from your yesterday and tomorrow as we all are made up of all the ingredients that went into the recipe that made us the person that we will become. Who amongst us doesn’t want our legacy to count for us rather than against us because we earned it rather than a person in denial inventing it? There is no time like now to get started. I wish you the Best!

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Turning Disability To Ability

For many that suffer from paralysis disability is a reality as it is for those of us that are limited by pain bearing diseases. The difference between those of us that accept it as a reality as versus those that take being able-bodied for granted is that we need to learn somewhere in childhood or our young adult years to live life differently from what is seen as normal. This post applies then to the physically limited rather than all the other various limitations that humans either inherit or place on themselves. In some ways most of us do live limited lives by our own doing.

By the time people reach older age slowing down or needing help is seen as more normal. Clearly people accept older people on a cane, walker, or wheel chair much more gracefully than they do younger people who many times are viewed more harshly. Since I have lived both age groups this is based on my opinion and the route I took to find joy.

If we were independent before the injury that lead to our being limited we will remain independent after. It works the same with dependent people. Many times telling someone they must limit something when the person offering the advise has not a clue of what we are living with, appears to most of us as more confusion than reality. On the other hand being told we can do something when the pain levels are clearly above our ability to tolerate the same for any length of time can appear to be very callous.

Just because the x-rays or the medical profession says we will be limited it still gets down to what the individual views as being limited is. It is true that I could not stand and visit for long, take a shower, or do my hair or make-up or cook when standing but by using a stool or power chair I could/can still do all of the above so it was/is difficult for me to view that as a disability although it was necessary for me to do it differently from what others in their 30′s would have done. It should have also made it impossible for anyone else that knew me to think that I could then take care of another disabled person but in my case it never did.

Unless the arms are paralyzed pretty much anything that we did before the injury when it comes to taking care of ourselves is still possible as long as we look for and find a different way of doing it. I certainly will not lie to the permanently injured and tell them that it is possible to be totally free of pain or paralysis because it is not. The more that we can cope with the pain the less the destruction is to other parts of our bodies over time. Anyone can find a Dr. willing to write prescriptions but it is important that we realize that narcotic pain treatment does not treat the damaged or inflamed area that causes pain. Narcotics will wear off and require higher levels to the point that we end up drug addicts and still have pain in many cases.

It just becomes a matter as to if we the individual accepts pain or fights it. In my case it was much easier to accept it in much the same way that most would accept eating. It was going to be a part of my life so rather than give into it or fight it I felt it better to acknowledge it and then to get on with my life. With the combination of the power chair and the van lift I could participate in anything that required travel,standing in line or walking distances as well. The cane would not allow for such freedom or independence due to the fact that my pain increased with being on my legs or walking distances.

Denial and pain in my case did not work as to accept pain it becomes difficult to understand which is a way of life that needs to be ignored or which is a warning signal that requires medical attention. Until we do figure out which is which Doctor visits are very necessary. Obviously when life threatening conditions are associated with pain this is not an option. Many times when we are younger we still care too much about what people say and think and the remarks can be cruel. There is always an embarrassment tied into using a cane or wheel chair regardless of our age. The sooner we put that behind us the faster we begin to enjoy life again.

Although adapting our own system to tolerate living with pain becomes a delicate balance, there will be instincts with time, that will allow us to sort out the difference as long as we stay tuned in with the changes and yet tune out the pain. I taught myself my own bio-feedback as I was allergic to treatment and refused to take pain drugs until my children were married. In most cases it is wisest to work with a therapist to determine if acupuncture or massage or physical therapy would be better routes to take over drugs.

Anything of a negative value can cause pain to worsen if it is a person that loves to argue, name call, or just get under our skin. I found it best to eliminate anyone that viewed me as someone placed on earth to amuse them or for them to use or mistreat. None of this came easy or quickly. I often found that I could be in a fairly good mood thinking I could get information or help before going into a Dr.s office only coming back out having gained nothing other than being depressed as a result of being naive enough to think I could get answers or help.

I got serious about just what I did need to see a Doctor about. I started falling and when I cracked open my head on the tenth fall, I bought a cane for balance. All that I was really ever told about my condition for the most part were the names of the diagnosis and the rest has come from my living with it and from my own research. When it comes to debilitating diseases most of us are on our own to discover for ourselves what will and what won’t work. This is why it is so important that both loved ones and care givers realize their job is to tune in and not to offer advise on something they neither know anything about nor live with.

The more that we can do for ourselves the more enjoyment we will get out of life and the more peace we will find. I guarantee you that nothing will teach gratitude more than being both all we can be for our loved ones while still being all we can be for ourselves.

The pain only needs to worsen when we have selfish individuals that have expectations from us in our lives and that too we are responsible for eliminating. I write this from the view of an independent person.

To those that were co-dependents, enjoyed leaning on others, or expected to be told how to deal with your life or in short dependent before injury, all I can say is Good Luck! I sincerely mean that as to have to learn independence at a time like this it seems to me will make the climb that much more difficult and it is without a doubt the climb that we all must make alone. We all have loved ones and medical personnel to support us but no one will be able to guide us other than ourselves. If we don’t take the opportunity and learn to be self sufficient we will end up in the position that we do become totally helpless and that is what none of us want for ourselves or our loved ones.

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People And The PowerChair

Yesterday I wrote on people becoming disabled as a result of medical error and I found that I had to delete it as some how google attached it’s ads to it and I ended up with advertisement for every ambulance chaser as well as disease entity imaginable so I will not use the tag today and see what happens.

People end up in the chair by birth, accident, or disease. No one ends up there because they want to. A power wheel chair can start at $6200.00 and go up so I assure you that people in them are not faking so that they can get out of responsibility. No insurance company that I am aware of, is going to throw that kind of money away without medical records stating the necessity of the same.

People that the majority of you never see, come out in droves once we show up in the chair. We meet nice folks so I do not want to suggest that the world is filled with nothing but the mean-spirited but I also do not want them to get a free ride by ignoring them either. People on canes, in chairs and using walkers are very often in pain for the most part. A few have balance problems without pain, but if that is the case,mainly the insurance companies will not o.k. them for a power chair.

Some able-bodied people say the dumbest and nastiest of things. Over the years I have just learned to say, “Father forgive them for they know not what they say or do.” The comments run from, “people like that should stay in the attic.” to “You’re lucky you need the chair because you don’t have to do anything like the rest of us.” Some people even curse at us, they many times think we are deaf, and can’t hear their remarks, some treat us as we are brain-damaged or mentally challenged and incapable of thought of our own, they believe we are incapable of conversation so speak about us rather than to us, and they all seem to reach across us as though we are not even there.

I’d gotten broken in by the nasty things that people say long before I needed the chair but my heart feels for children and teenagers and young adults that need to use them full-time. I only use my chair to replace the fact that I cannot walk distances or stand for any length of time, so I am and do feel very Blessed yet. Let me assure you that unless people are limited to the point that they require helpers and many times even then, no one is sitting around doing nothing.

No matter what our physical challenge is we all have goals that guide us. Sometimes it is just trying to survive the things that most of you do not even know or understand that occurs in the life of the physically challenged. I have never taken a penny of your tax dollars nor do many of us. Even if we all did isn’t that what Social Security benefits were partially intended for?

What will you do tomorrow if you wake up and hear that you, your child, or your grandchild has inherited a familial disorder that is so rare that medicine yet has no treatment for it, had a swimming or boating accident, the Doctor misdiagnosed so it could lead to complications, was born with a disability, was involved in an accident as a result of a drunk driver?

Are you in a position to pay out the dollars it will take to pay for the expenses the rest of your or their lives? My husband and I were fortunate that we could and I am fortunate that I can still keep house and home as well as cook and use a portable stool instead of standing and sit between jobs before I begin another. Many of us still function on a daily basis as well as take care of our own needs. We also never tire of taking care of the needs and wants and babysitting for our grandchildren as well as being married. Most of us will make sure that we fight to do so to the bitter end regardless of the price we pay in inadequate treatment for the pain we endure.

Until you are in the position yourself none of you can possibly understand how the tragedy of losing full use of body can or will make each of you feel. Some people get bitter and it shows in everything that they think and do but they for the most part are far less in numbers than those of us that learn to be grateful for everyday that we have and to live each day as it may be our last day.

We know that bad things can happen to good people. Most of us were very independent and to be reliant on a chair was worse news than a terminal illness diagnosis ever could have been. Now that we are here we do know not being able to work is one of the hardest things on earth that we will ever be asked to do but most of us will find another way to accomplish something of equal importance.

Many of you get more hours of sleep than many of us as getting comfortable enough to sleep is a problem for most of us. Once we recover to the idea and shock of it all most of us do count our Blessings for the great gift of life. I know I look back and wonder how I could have been so foolish to think a terminal illness would be better than a diagnosis of disability?

The truth is that unless we give away or bury our spirit , that is what makes us who we are. If we were positive before we will always be positive after. If we enjoy taking out time to smell the roses or love nature, we still will do so. If we enjoyed the people in our life we still will enjoy them, If we enjoyed working , we may be doing something different from anything we ever thought we would be doing, but we will still stay busy.

It is true that when parts of our body fail to function that all of us learn to depend on other parts of our body to compensate for the weaker part. Most of us no longer feel it necessary to convince you that we know better than you do, how to be successful with living with our physical challenges. Common sense tells us that we are in the position to decide that for ourselves.

If you can’t see that we are no longer like you then please understand, we all know that we are not, and for the most part we are grateful that we are not just like you, but instead we are just like ourselves. Isn’t it sad that more people can not learn the significance of that without being hit with a disability?

Although we understand that it is us that needs to make the changes to adjust to the able-bodied world please never make the mistake of thinking that you, as an able-bodied person, will ever understand the best way to do it for us. Disability only slows us down long enough to strengthen our imaginations so that we can continue living life on our terms.

The hardest part of disability, many times, are the people who know someone who knew someone who always lived with what we are living with and always did it this way. We’ll get it figured out folks if you just let us.Sometimes people in the medical profession can be the worse of all. Even though they think they know what is best their offers of help are sometimes more debilitating than people who are clueless.

I know in my situation it truly is better if I am allowed to sit up on my own instead of having them grab ahold and yank me up, for instance. Many times it is the care giver that insists on us being much more handicapped than we need to be or those that have never experienced significant discomfort that become certain now is the time for us to be social. Many times what is wrong with us and gives us the most discomfort is what never shows or was not part of what Aunt Tillie’s disease entailed.

Sometimes there are a few people who do use or fake disability but the next time you see a person in the chair try to remember we are all alike in so far as we all are looking for efficiency and more time in the day. Where we are different is that many times, we need to have different goals in order to make the best of the day, sometimes when you break a finger nail or obsess over the weather we don’t even notice. Many times we do not have much in common because we are grateful for the little things that many are bitching about. We know we need to use the power chair so why pretend like it is not there or the town or your home, much less the world, is geared towards making life accessible for us?

We all understand it is the able bodies’ world that we need to adjust to even though you do not know how little is made available so that we can function in it. We do not ask you to join us in our world. So many of the laws that were passed in the 1970′s for the handicapped, sadly, Corporations,Cities, and Companies found ways to grandfather clause them out rather than to make or pay for the changes.

Unfortunately, many will see the handicap parking spot sitting idle or a government ramp, built in podunk City ,that never got used and think the disabled are costing them a fortune. I still want to believe that there is only a hand full of people that do intentionally set out to treat others poorly but that ignorance itself, has always been and will continue being the underlying cause as to why mankind has and will continue treating people different from themselves, badly.

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