We Find Our Own Happiness

This post is going to relate to my own interpretation of joy and happiness as I have experienced it, as most of my posts do.I’m sure many an expert will disagree with points that I make, but in the end, I have come to appreciate that none of us can base our own lives on what someone else thinks, but instead on what we know to be true.

I have never felt the need to discriminate against anyone, once I matured into an adult.As a result,I have been befriended by both the wealthy and the poor, as well as,different belief systems, genders and races, and I find what is true with one of us, is true about all of us.

We are all looking for happiness and contentment, in life. Many of us who have children will put their happiness first, until it does dawn on us that the things we buy for ourselves or our children, have a very short shelf life.

If we do not change our direction in thinking, “buying makes us happy,” too many times, we will resent our own children or others, that we buy for,because they lack appreciation. Even when we know that the problem is our own spending habits and we are going broke,doing so, some of us will need to learn. “We don’t always get our cake and eat it too.”.We need to understand that people who wish to do for themselves,will resent our continuous need to make ourselves feel better,at their expense, because many times in our need to buy, we only make them feel obligated to us.

It is the things that we do as well as the words we use to express our feelings towards others that, often times, brings happiness to both of us. Just a smile to a stranger, can many times turn the direction of both of our days. When we choose to smile back we share our own happiness with them.

I had been spending a great deal of my time with a wealthy person in my youth, so when the person who showed up in my life, neither had her front teeth and the sole on her shoe, was loose, the first thing that was most obvious to me, was how happy she was living such an uncomplicated life.

After having listened to the wealthy complain about having to attend another, “black tie,” function, that she was dreading attending, but worried she would be shunned if she did not, it was such a breath of fresh air to spend time with the woman, who had raised her family, and did not have a care in the world. She was retired living primarily on her social security check, but since she enjoyed good health and neither wanted or needed much, her life was her own. She was content and settled with her poverty and peace of mind.

In my estimation, all human beings are made up of the body the mind and the soul, or if you prefer,our mental,physical and spiritual well-being. When we over-balance attention to another and neglect the other, we feel restless or discontent with ourselves. If we tune into our own feelings, we will not turn the negatives that we feel within ourselves onto others.

People who have learned to express themselves through crafts,art, or creative talent can bring peace to their mental well-being but if we never deal with the problem that drives us to be unhappy, we only delay the root of the problem.We need to get to the bottom of what it is that truly is upsetting us, since we need to give equal attention to the balance of our physical,spiritual and mental parts. In short we place a band-aid on an arterial bleed that needs to be sewn shut, if we only live for the minute or the short time, without healing our own pain or looking for happiness that we can trust.

As I have mentioned in past posts, too often, the victims will feel guilt or the victimizers will pass blame.When we have been traumatized, we need to talk about it and heal it, with those who can help us. If we neither confront the truth and heal it, we deny ourselves happiness.No one can make us happy if we are ready to accept being miserable nor can we be happy unless we are happy with ourselves.

Plenty of people can interfere with our own happiness, if we allow them to, but no one but ourselves,can make us happy.No one is responsible for our seeking happiness and unless we do, we will too many times blame others, when we are not happy. Once we do establish happiness with ourselves then people in our lives can either add to or subtract from it, because we have let their emotions or upsets affect how we view or accept life.

Happiness is more than just an attitude. It is what comes from inside of us so that we live and breathe it, while sharing it with others. If we find it is impossible to maintain our own happiness,without using alcohol,drugs,out working everyone else in an effort to avoid our home, or buying things, then we do need to evaluate the reasons why, we are not making the changes that will and do lead to our own happiness.

Sometimes it can be the negative crowd or group, we hang with. We do, too many times, become like the people we surround ourselves with. Sometimes it is because we do not feel good, and we cannot feel that any of us are going to feel good, when we feel physically,mentally, or spiritually, rotten.

When we know that we are a worse person with others, because we lower our own mental and spiritual well-being,in an effort to be included or fit in, we are not going to be happy, unless we do make the changes that will lead to becoming the person we wish to be.

When we over-look the truth and surround ourselves in denial, then we also are not being realistic about our own happiness. Perhaps we are the leader of the bunch, when it comes to a joyless group. We won’t know unless we try to change the direction within the group,first.

Many times, we will find it is our own lack of happiness that is spreading over all of the group. When we laugh because we are happy, they many times will laugh with us. However if they are laughing at us, then we can be certain, that we are not the leader.

The mean-spirited will always believe those who are hurt or get hurt as a result of their words or actions, are just too sensitive, so why do we stay? Happiness is a habit that is very real and is part of who we are. We find it within ourselves. We do not shove it onto others. We do not use it to judge others. We wake up with it and take it to bed with us. It lives within us when we are happy being the person we are.

We find happiness in children, who live in the present, because they can trust Mom and Dad to take care of everything. Happiness brings us back to the present, because we don’t have to worry about what we are going to do, as we already know our strengths and weaknesses.

We know or are reasonably certain, that we will react or respond according to a good day or a poor day, and as a result of how we are feeling about, ourselves. We know it all may change tomorrow but when or if it does, we can trust ourselves just like we always have before, because a Power higher than us has the last word. Happiness is truly all about feeling good about who we are and trusting our motives, as well as our love, without finding fault and blame in others.

Everyone else in our life are the extras who bring us joy or sometimes disappointment, if we incorrectly assume anything about them or try to control them. We have learned that not all relationships are meant to last. We don’t worry so much who will be there for us because we have provided, as well as, possible for our own needs.

We miss you but understand our differences were too great to over come, for one of us if not both of us, or we understand that our lives were intended to take a different path or the Dear Lord was ready for you. We have grieved and healed from the lost, and understand that we only get to live this life once so we put in the hard work to live happy!It begins with one step at a time, towards changing ourselves.

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Successful Families

I have written about families who do not succeed, as obviously families who do and have been successful,clearly know and understand the value of taking responsibility for their own lives, and will continue doing just fine without the financial or moral advice of others, as long as other family members understand that they still need and want as much acceptance as the other member or members of the family, who do or does not achieve,at the same rate.

Successful families will spend as much time offering genuine congratulations as they will sympathy.They gain hope for themselves through the success of the other members who have made it, if that is their goal. If they know and are honest with themselves, that they will never achieve the same, because they have different goals or priorities,not to mention spending habits, they do not begrudge the success of their siblings. Money will never pass the hands of the adult members unless it is given of the free will and clear thinking of a family member in form of a Birthday or Christmas gift.

If we do give money or help, it is because we want to and not because we feel manipulated into doing so,but we do it with the acceptance of everyone involved. It needs to be money given freely that will not lead to our own hardships, later,if we do find we need the money. Families will help out when a member of the family has an emergency, due to a car breaking down, illness,moving,fires, or once in a life-time or extremely rare layoff,etc., when they are able to help, as long as, it does not take their life savings.

I haven’t come close to even skimming the surface, of truly painful dysfunctions in families, who do not even rate on the scale of remote acceptance, when it comes to family values. These family members have no regard for anyone beyond where they are going to get their next fix and how they will find the money to do so,even when it comes to stealing from family members or prostituting out their own spouse or children or themselves. Yet parents will blindly aid and abet them at a price or lost to the entire family. They will only get better,many times when they are arrested or sent to rehabilitation. At the other end of the spectrum are those who are so greedy they would sell their own mother, if they could make a profit on it. Instead I have pretty much stayed with what has been common in families over the generations, when families fail to last.

Where no member feels justified or entitled to borrow money, or money never enters the picture because of manipulation or guilt,much less where borrowing becomes habit,families eliminate the number one cause of families failing. The number two cause of failure is finding fault and passing blame and making assumptions based on the sense of entitlement. When families fail to understand that Mom and Dad do not owe us money for our childhood nor do we owe them money for it,unless a formal loan was made by word of mouth or contract, and parents do not make their children compete for their time and attention through the use of failure, while success goes unrewarded,families do work out and last.

The reason I have expressed taking responsibility for ourselves, when we become adults and it is time to move on, is because many times it is the child that fails in doing so, that parents feel most protective of defending. We parents do wear blinders, many times, in not understanding the damage we do to our own families when we feel the need to make the weak member of the household ,our favorites. To express that this child is and has always been our favorite, only adds flame to the fire, when the other children have never asked anything of us, but instead have only offered to help us when we needed help.

Successful families do not have a parent or child in it that is lying, in order to get attention or sympathy, in order to come out as the most favored child or sibling,they do not disown or exclude a member of the family from family gatherings,or lie to buy drugs, or lie to cover for the fact they have a spending problem,to cover for their gambling,or because they simply fail to work long enough and hard enough to reach their own goals through saving,etc. Successful families do not use their failures or claim to be the most unfortunate member of the family, in order to blackmail their parents or to play on their parents guilt.

Successful families are not made responsible for the sibling who fails to live within the boundaries of the income they earn. Successful families are accepting of our differences, over being critical of them. Successful families understand that we will each be tested in our own range of life and our tests of life do not need to be compared with theirs.

It is not uncommon that those who are tested the most severe, are often the most grateful amongst us as well as the last to complain about their hardship. They can and do appreciate the lesson that has been taught them and the value of having learned the lesson. Successful families will make room for the spouses of each family member, to express their own minds.Successful families are those who if they choose to marry, will understand that the wife deals with the issues in her family while the husband deals with the issues in his family but they come first, when it comes to communicating between the two, if and when problems arise.

I could go on forever, and not touch all the reasons why families fail or succeed, but for the most part when assumptions are made by us and other members of the family fail to live up to our expectations or demands, and we end up disappointed as a result of our own erroneous ideas, and when we place conditions on our love, then our families will enter the danger zone that does lead to failure.

Unconditional love and acceptance of our differences given freely without strings attached or expectations in return,garnered with respect for each member by all members who have not suffered hardship as a result of the behavior of another, will be behind the reason, families succeed.Pretty simple when we think about it, but if our family has a member in it, who will obsess over the sinfulness of Santa Claus, then we need to make certain our minds are as open as our hearts or understand at what point or level of abuse, will we be justified in walking away.

We need to understand we cannot control others or make decisions for them and each decision we make needs to be an individual decision based on our own thought process and made for ourselves,in an effort to spare our own sanity through truth and in avoidance of denial as well as our own physical well-being,sometimes for the survival of our own marriage or other times for the safeguard of our minor children.

MY hope then is that we all remember when we gather this weekend for an enjoyable Labor Day celebration to Truly celebrate what we love about each other and stay away from assumptions or anything that will divide us, and we will all do fine. The major thing to bear in mind is,”It is a camping trip”. Someone will forget something,someone will not always move at the speed that we would like,children living in close quarters are more apt to argue as are parents,there will be tears and bites but we hope the tears are not coming from the adults, and the number one thing to remember is,”Just think how nice it will be to be back home into the routine we complained about before we left to go camping.” If you are spending it elsewhere, without extended family, then enjoy the last break before the snow or rain flies with the cold. Have a safe but enjoyable trip,everyone!

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It Is Time To Be A Grownup

As someone, who went through screaming, tears, and general upset once Santa was exposed as a fraud in our home, I cannot express enough how important it is to tell grownups to be grownups, at the very least, during the Holiday season. The tree was never again put up unless my sister and I could find an axe and chop down a lonely tree somewhere in the region, the fudge and divinity no longer made and any gift was absent beyond that of what my dad gave to my mother. Each Christmas Eve became one of turmoil, because my father did not buy my mother the gift she felt entitled to receive. He would always buy practical instead of luxury and it would open the flood gates of hell.The family pictures taken, show the disappointment in the eyes of the children and are a lasting reminder as to how Christmas should never be spent, all these years later.

I’m sure it has everything to do with my believing that Santa is real and every act of kindness, done by we adults, to others is not only because of our spiritual need to express our love and gratitude to Christ and God but also to express our human side to mankind. Christmas, is indeed, a very miraculous time of year and it is important that we adults, do understand, it is about the children. Just as the Magi presented gifts to the Christ child, so should we present gifts to the children, granted us through God.

At no other time of the year, is it even wise to spoil our children, except their birthdays and during the holidays. If that means we don’t buy ourselves a new wardrobe just now,or lay off the egg nog, we still put up a tree or buy a gift, even though we may not feel like it, we do it anyway. The memories we are making now are not about us, but about our children and grandchildren. It is not about what your husband or wife, boy or girl friend, adult children gets you. During these financially difficult times, it is o.k., to spend what little we have on the children or grandchildren. I assure you, they will not be spoiled for life. Somehow I think both God and Christ would approve.

We adults need to keep Christmas in perspective but not by denying our own children the joy of Christmas or the Holidays. We can better watch the number of times we eat out instead of cook and how we are the example of dollars being wasted. In families where there is no money at all,draw an outline of a tree on the wall with string or thread, and have the children decorate the same with their own creations made of paper or glitter. Children need to feel that they are loved enough or important enough to know their parents will make an effort to make them feel the same. For what you spend on alcohol, use the money to buy a game the family can play, together, instead. Children know when they are poor today, unlike another time before tech and name brands were noticed, so the time you spend with them ,often times, is the best gift of all.

For those who will and do attend the Churches across America during the Holiday Season, remember children do not find the same sense of peace that we do in Church services. It takes all of us years to develope faith. To deny a child, their moment of joy, either with making them the center of attention, or gifting them with a warm coat, or new shoes, a full stomach, or yes even a toy, does us well to remember that Christmas is also about the type of grownup or human being we also are. To pay honor strictly to the spirituality and our needs and then to deny our children joy, speaks mountains of the kind of person we are not. Do not let your pride come before the generosity, being offered out of love to you and your children, by those Santa Claus amongst us, who wish to share our bounty with you. It is not a sin to be poor but it is unfair to deny our children happiness, when people are willing to help make it possible, out of love.

At no other time of the year, is there more good will towards men, more generosity and sharing given and done, and more thanks expressed amongst mankind. We grownups have both an opportunity to make warm and lasting memories for all children as well as a responsibility to make certain that all children know and feel they are a part of this enchanting time of, “peace on earth and good will towards men.” God Bless us all, man, woman, and child!

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Grieving During The Holidays

My heart goes out to all the people in the world who find Christmas and the Holidays a particularly difficult time of year. Most have broken up with someone special, lost a mate, parent or child and as bad as the coping is, the Holidays and everyone else’s cheer or lack of understanding, sometimes leaves us cold. Most just want to pull their heads into their covers and let the Season pass. It is important that you do take the time necessary to grieve and to go through the necessary steps of grieving, so please know, you all are in the thoughts of many of us this Season, who do care. Grieving, does not need guilt attached to it, so if you are not yet ready to enter the World to participate, please know many of us as well as your true friends, do understand.

For those of you who are,” sick and tired” of being “sick and tired” and ready to move on but are at a lost as to how to do it, I recommend the art of giving. Nothing will brighten your own outlook in life more than to reach out to a family, friend’s or neighbor’s child and to play Santa Claus in their life. This does not mean you have to dress up as Santa. It only means that you are the unknown who blesses a child with a gift they would never have received unless you had been generous. The Canadians have a nice Holiday called “Box Day” where they leave food or gifts on the step of a needy person and get away unrecognized. Whichever way would be fun for you,and if you do not wish to see anyone yet, this is a splendid way to make yourself feel better and to honor your loved one, while renewing a child’s innocent need to believe in the goodness of mankind.

If you do not feel comfortable being part of a Holiday celebration,bake cookies and leave them in the mailbox of a needy family, write a check in the memory of your loved one and put it is the bucket of the Salvation Army where the bell ringers are collecting donations. If you prefer to keep it private, then slip in cash anonymously. If you have extra money, go to a Department store and have toys, shoes or coats delivered. You can have a meal, a ham and the trimmings, or a pizza delivered after going to the restaurant and paying for it. If they do not deliver then perhaps a friend or taxi cab driver would be glad to deliver it for you. If someone you know has lost their job or been laid off, a few dollars in a envelope placed in their mailbox or shoved under their door, might go a long way with the utilities. Even if funds are limited, as long as we have our health,we all have a talent we can share, we can offer to carry a heavy load or offer a ride, we can shovel a sidewalk, or work in a soup kitchen.The only thing that limits us, in our giving, is our lack of imagination and desire.

Nothing heals a broken heart faster than knowing we put a smile on the face of a child who believes Santa Claus only comes to the rich boys or girls. You may not see the smile on the child or the warmth of the food in their stomach, but you can bet your loved one will. If it is loss through divorce then wouldn’t you’d rather a child was fed or “shouted out in glee” than your Ex fight over it? Wishing you all a recovery, in your own time and at your own pace! The time clock does not run on grief nor can anyone else tell you when it is over. Grief is as individual as we all are different. God Bless each and everyone of you!

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The Movement Against Policemen and Women

It certainly must occur to many who surf the net or use it to socialize or blog that the next great movement against government by so called, “grassroots types” is to attack the policemen of America. There are innuendoes non too slight occurring all over the net. There is a deliberate attempt underway to sensationalize, undo police force, on the web today, and the only conclusion anyone with any common sense, could conclude, is there are people out to destroy the public image of the police by sensationalizing it as the tabloids do.

The latest to destroy their image is, the story of the policeman that fed the child he felt was hungry. The first was the lemonade stand in Portland. This type of sensationalizing of police force or control, in other words nonsense, will only transplant the idea of a police state in the minds of the radicals, that believe conspiracy is around every corner. Sadly, it will work with too many. As we honor all the heroes of the war today, we should also not forget the heroes involved in the gang and drug wars on our streets that are going on or have been areas of concern in places like San Francisco, Chicago and Miami to name a few, on a daily basis, either. The police men and women of America have every right to be both honored and respected by all of us.

If there is any truth to any of the stories to begin with, all I can say is “Thank God we had a policeman that was concerned enough to think the little child might be neglected and came to their aid with food. The line of decency needs to be drawn by, we clear thinking, Americans. If all Americans did treat their children as children deserve to be treated the police would not have to be concern about children that go hungry, are sold into sex slavery(the latest count stands as high as 300,000), run the streets and join gangs where the only thing that stops murder in some of our poorer neighborhoods, is, if you belong to their gang. The atrocities happening to our children are many, and sadly, many times the number one culprits of neglect are the parents. Both Police men and women are already understaffed in many parts of our Country, and we have some of the finest of American citizens protecting us all, and keeping us safe in our homes, they need to be praised and not disrespected, nor attempts made, to disgrace them, as is currently under way.

It was the right-wing, in its influence in the 20th Century, who started accusing educated Americans as well as College professors as being commies, reds,pinks, and anything nasty they could use or think of, liberal became the new buzz words. When the professors of our Universities were the first to say that Capitalism was less than perfect and failed some Americans the word liberal and leftist became the nemesis and hate word of the right-wing.

The hate built by the right-wing in America, reached its pinnacle in the 1930′s, and went on to what was known as the McCarthyism era, where every man or every woman behind every wall or tree was a communist pink or spy. Not too unlike the Jesse Ventura show on Tru t.v. is trying to make all the fanatics in America believe conspiracy everywhere, today, in my opinion.

Although there was a movement underway of some Hollywood type executives flirting with the idea of communism, it got totally out of control as a result of the paranoia of McCarthy, Many innocent men and women had their lives as well as lively hood destroyed as a result of the furor that existed in the day. If you listen to the right wing of the era,the liberals or leftist, found their birth place in the State ran universities of America. It would appear the right-wing are now trying to attempt to move toward the diatribe of America being a police state, by trying to sensationalize these stories. That is how all these lies get started. First of all they have to split and divide us, as a Nation, before they can find a stand hold to operate from. I would say they have done a good job of doing just that, at this point.

We can all agree that there are extremists on the far left every bit as destructive to Democracy as the right-wing but to categorize every ,Democrat or American, who care more about the needs of the working class and their continuation of the middle class as communist or socialists, is bizarre. By sensationalizing the efforts of the police, they can then move on to attack the Unions that protect the wages and benefits of both the police and firemen of America. As we have already seen by their advertizing and opt out plea,they won’t stop until they try to eliminate or break the backs of all Unions who were established to protect the wages and benefits of the working class. It is possible for capitalism to co-exist with the working class, American. Capitalism will never fail as a result of paying a fair wage to the people they employ.To heft every lie and fault on the shoulders of education as well as the working people in favor of maintaining Capitalism so the rich get richer is to deny the platform of Democracy.

Yes, there are bad policemen amongst the group of our American heroes who risk their lives on a daily basis, but it is one organization that does work, when it comes to policing itself. They are not always quick enough, sometimes to recognize the losers amongst them, but unlike other powerful lobbyist, they do not protect their fellow police, at all cost to the citizenry of our Country, as a rule either.

So as we pause today, lets give thanks not only to all the heroes of America that have fought in battles and wars, both foreign and on our land, but also those proud men and women, that wear the blue 24 hours around the clock, to keep both us and Democracy safe. It will take those of us with common sense and decency to stand up to the new onslaught of lies heading our way. We owe it to the heroes that fight for us all around the world as well as in our own home town and city, of America. It is the least that we can do. Thanks to all of you who have ever worn a uniform. We are proud and grateful of your courage to protect all we hold dear. A simple thanks rings empty in comparison to your great sacrifice to “we the people”. Those of us that appreciate You offer it anyway.

(please note: I apologize to you, that not a single site tagged by me on this post printed this. I wonder if it is, since I do present an opposing view from others who do have control of the sites on wordpress, is the reason It wasn’t printed? I have found that I get zapped off of many sites to do with Democracy,politics, or anything relavent. That is why I find it necessary to do so many tags in hopes the truth will be read)

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The Significance Of Self

We hear all the time, “unless we love ourselves, we cannot love others.” I do believe, in some cases, when we start out life we have love to give and, as such, we are capable of loving, without loving ourselves. I’ve heard people say,” that they are in love but they have not yet met the person that they are in love with.” In those cases I have always felt, probably due to their own behavior, that they were actually in love with themselves but did not recognize it as such. In my own case, I do know that I have loved everyone else, long before I recognized, that I loved myself. Some of us grow up confused as to what love really is as it has never been given to us unconditionally or we only felt love according to if our behavior met with approval or not.

There is no such thing as a mommy gene universally in all mothers. Many children grow up hearing,”we were an accident,the day we were born was the worse day of our mother’s life, or the only reason we were even born was because our mothers thought that they would go to hell if they used birth control”. Complicate that with parents who never tell us that we are loved, that are remote and cold while we are growing up, parents who profess to love us as we live in fear of being beaten on a daily basis, or have parents beating each other up and the whole ideal of love becomes totally misconstrued to the point that many are fearful to love or commit if that is what love really is. Often it takes years and years, before children growing up in these environments can even dare trust what we are feeling, is really love or if someone else that professes to love us, is sincere.

Every human being’s survival depends on being born selfish. If a baby didn’t cry until their needs were meant they would end up malnourished or ill. Most of us would sleep through, sometimes every hour and half feedings, because as all new parents can attest many times during a baby’s life we are so tired we are not always certain if we did wake up or if we slept through a feeding. It is a time of total and complete exhaustion, especially if one parent is doing it all alone. In many ways we never lose the need to be selfish. Some are just better at recognizing it than others. Every action we take from seeking friendship,to marriage, to what brings us joy is intertwined with our own needs being met, if we are honest with ourselves in acknowledging it.

What separates a selfish person from a giving person is innate to their character, if I was to hazard a guess. It explains why one twin can be selfish while another generous, even when raised identically to each other, including the same punishment being meted our to both simultaneously, regardless who is to blame. If it is not genetic then the genetic make-up that drives perception,in my opinion, has to play a role. Where one saw injustice for the punishment they did not cause, another accepted the same as being normal or had the capacity to block pain or go into denial whereas the other didn’t or maintained reality.

Many children will block out their childhood if it was too bad or separate from it emotionally while others never forget and relive the nightmare for life. Abuse alters and changes a person’s personality, entirely, from who or whom they would have been, otherwise. That includes people who tell their children they were not wanted and verbally abuse their children. I’ve heard parents tell their children that they were an accident, in jest, and watched the child’s facial expression crumble. I think sometimes we adults are immune to teasing and lose sight of what effect it has on our children. Many times that same teasing can send our children off to bully others, if they take it literally, as many do. Some children will totally overlook or block abuse where as others can be haunted all their lives and I’m not sure anyone understands for certain,why?

I have absolutely no regrets that I came late to the table, as far as loving everyone else, before I recognized my love of myself, because it is the reason I now gather so much pleasure and enjoyment out of my life. If every action I ever did was as a conscious reaction on my part to do or give because I would get something back as a result of it, I’m sure I would feel much more guilt or discomfort with what damage I occurred to myself, now that I am limited in what I can do for others.

I am a sincere believer in the reality that everything that we do for others without expectation or return or without telling the world about our charity is returned to us here on earth. If we use it to improve our own image or to get an, “atta girl/boy” or to fulfill some need of our own we can sometimes end up in anger,hurt or mistrust because we assumed and when our assumptions do not prove out then we get angry or hurt about it. On the other hand, those of us that give without expectations, quickly learn the value of doing so brings with it, its own reward, even miracles. I don’t even have to explain that to those of you who do know, what I mean when I say it.

If we never know or understand ourself and the reasoning behind why we did what we did or do what we do, we can become really bitter with life and mistreat others. Once we know the true damage, we do to both ourselves and others, exist is because of our own assumptions then we can learn better ways to give of our self and time or choose not to. Except of course when it comes to paying taxes and I would hope we all appreciate the fact that Democracy gives us enough, so we can at least do that much. When gifting is a choice and we are constantly resenting doing anything for someones else, all of us would much rather you did nothing instead of listen to your constant bitching or sign carrying protest.

The significance of self is, to know ourselves, well enough so we bring both hope and joy to others or we take blame so we don’t make the rest of our family,work staff, group, or America in general, miserable right along with us. Listen to the way people and media are talking. We have to ask ourselves why children bully? Give us a break! As the old cliché goes,”If you have nothing good to say then say nothing, at all.”

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Showing Our Kids Love, By Saying”NO”

When the soldiers came back from World War II we welcomed them as the heroes that they were. It was the first generation of women that worked out of the home. Many worked in plants to keep Industries running while their husbands were off to war. When the men came home some women found that they liked having jobs and incomes of their own while others went back to the kitchens. America could not throw up the small clapboard row houses fast enough. We think that families have always owned their homes but it was not true prior to this time in America. Homes were primarily owned by the wealthy and the rest of the Country worked for the Company store and rented or lived three generations in one home.

It was also the first generation to say they wanted to give their kids more than they had. Prior to this children were born to help out parents in the company businesses or on the farms and were expected to work in order to pay back their parents for feeding and clothing them or help parents earn the family income. Each generation since has been given,more and more and more.

I doubt it would hurt, if we did start saying,” we want to give and show our kids love by saying “no” to their every want, in some cases, because the truth is many of us got too much and now do not have a clue of what the difference between a need and a want is,ourself. How many of us for instance, have a ten pound bag of flour and sugar in our own homes and can bake from scratch? Know that hair permanents and nails can be done at home or massages and spas are not common around many homes in America? Gas ovens and televisions in each room are not needs?

I certainly do not recommend that we parents that give our children everything, deprive ourselves of the rewards of our own doing, because in many instances, parents do that naturally for their kids,anyway. I do believe our children need to hear that becoming adults and accepting responsibilities does mean we earn our rewards. If we all looked around our own homes, and asked ourselves, would we know what is a need as versus a want? Would you know the difference? Did you name the house, itself, since rentals are going left unwanted and home ownership has never been a guarantee but instead should be provided strictly on our own ability to provide and budget? The government has never owed us private ownership of a house at anytime in Democracy.

Although, most of us no longer abuse our children with beatings, we have developed a new form of abuse, and that is showing our love through material goods and in some cases,false expectations. Don’t you think when your children look around their homes and hear,”I want to give my children more than I had” they must be totally lost as to what it is we don’t have? Isn’t it time that we tell our kids “no” because we want you to have both the honor and privilege of feeling a sense of accomplishment for having earned what you have. We love you enough to say, “No” might not be a bad idea for a new phrase to replace the old tired and tried phrase, “we want you to have more than we had.” In many cases when children have everything, we rob both their natural drive and ambition, from them. How many of us are aware that 1/3 of the prison population were the kids that were not told “No”? Is it any wonder that we are finding out that our children have less self-esteem as civilization advances?

In giving them everything, we also rob their creative spirits as well. We have children not unlike robots or zombies that become incapable of making in-depth or considerate, respectful, decisions or very lacking in common sense. When they have everything, doesn’t that leave drugs and alcohol, as the only things that they are being denied? Don’t you think that would have as much appeal to them as say, the apple had for Adam and Eve? I personally think, going way back then, mythology was teaching us the lesson of what happens to mankind, when they have everything and are only denied one thing, don’t you?

I’m thinking it might not be a bad idea for me, grandma, to take to heart as well, before I get all of my Christmas shopping done. Then again the kids do put their foot down, and it is the only time of the year that I do get to spoil?????…………………Not so easy done as said. Enjoy your day, everyone.

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Its Your House And Health

With all the outrage towards government and banks in America still running rampant, the consumer has lost sight of the fact that taxes are at an all time low. I will repeat it, until you hear me. Taxes are the lowest they have been since the 1950′s and interest rates have never been lower. When most of you were babies or not yet born, the interests rates soared to 18% and went as high as 22%.(on people’s house payments,not their credit cards) If you are bitching now what will you do when both taxes and interest rates start climbing again? It is true that deregulation of the banks and Wall Street led to the fiscal mess we are in but the banks were bailed out before OBama reached office and he had no choice but to sign the same when he took office. I actually agreed with that move,as if the banks are not able to function,neither is our economy. We were not in the position to slap their hands, regardless of how they got there, and say “bad boy,no more”!

The reason we no longer have the money that we once had on a more personal,at home reality, is not because of the present day government and Wall Street, but because we paid too much for our homes, in some cases,and in others could not wait to wash out the equity in our homes. The other major debt that keeps us feeling poor is our healthcare and property tax liabilities. When hospitals, across the land, went from County and State owned to privately owned we started seeing a huge amount of increases in our medical cost and insurance premiums. Many policies that we pay into are almost worthless even though they cost us, but we reason we have to have something. Even though OBama care is not what we wanted it does have some insurance reform as well as pre-existing disease clauses in it, that we would have to be stupid to repeal.

It should have been obvious to many, that parts of our Country such as Vegas, Arizona, and Florida were over-building and when the bubble burst anyone living in the area would have to pay for it with their property tax increase, but sadly the greed in all of us hoped it would go on forever. You are now watching your home prices slide on a monthly basis and are mad as hell blaming the wrong people. It should have been your State governments that recognized the crises they were headed towards but even if they had of, it is doubtful they could have done much about it. We are built on free enterprise, therfore capitalism, and government cannot stop or deny either, especially when all controls have been removed.

Obviously, if the mess we are in, was this simple of an explanation, then it would be easier to fix, but it gets so complicated that many people in charge of our economy are in a quandary as to which direction needs to be taken and are now struggling to find the answers. This is totally new territory and they will make mistakes until they do hit on the right solution, as to where we can get the funds to recover, when there are none to begin with.

Because both we the consumer as well as the government were in a frenzy spending money we did not have, we put it all on credit, we now must pay the price, whether we saved or spent. In many cases it is those of you that helped create this mess yelling louder than those of us that did save. Although we are now paying back on a personal level, until the job market returns, government has to keep the taxes and interests rate low, so I assure you, none of us are yet paying for either. When they do start paying off the debt it will lead to either increased taxes or more job lost.

All those second homes we had to have, that also, are not worth what we paid for, all that credit card debt, all the bigger closets we had to build to house, our out of control shoe shopping, all the meals we ate out, all the money spent on entertainment,suvs,boats and nicer more expensive cars and toys, all those stainless steel appliances we had to have even when it meant we threw out good appliances, all those granite counter tops we had to have to keep up with our friends, daycares tripled in some parts of the country especially when children were placed into the private schools, etc. we are now paying for and have no one to blame but ourself. At the same time we were spending in some cases $600 to $1000 dollars a square foot, to have that must have home or condo, people were buying the places we should have bought, and flipping them for a huge profit. We could have done the same with our own home but we were not willing to put in our own sweat equity. We had to have the perfect paint colors,with counters and appliances or we would walk away from it.

In many cases we did buy our home at a right price but every time the equity increased or the value of our home escalated to an artificial value that it was unable to sustain, we could not wait to take out a home equity loan, home improvement loan, or by whatever name it was called, we bankrupted our own home by taking out what actually are second and third mortgages so we could live better than what we made. None of us want to admit that we knew we were living a lifestyle we could not afford and did not want to do anything, but stay in denial, while we took that nice family trip we took on credit or bought more clothes or shoes. None of us fooled anyone, not even ourselves.

While a great deal of this was going on, there were others that saved 15 to 20 percent of each paycheck for a rainy day. We initially lost a great deal in our 401 k but in most cases we are back to where we were ,or not far from it. We like you, are afraid we will lose our jobs or in some cases, where we already have, we have been able to ride it through, due to those savings. Some of us even put off buying a home until we had a large down payment and are now buying those homes that others can not now afford, because they financed both the house as well as the down payment.

Long story short, this is not about pointing out our faults or mistakes but instead reminding us that many of us have no right to be so hateful towards those that we are blaming unfairly. It is time to stop the hate and the finger-pointing that is making all of our lives more miserable.What is important is that we have learned from our mistakes and know almost every generation before us/you have made the same mistake and came back and retired millionaires, anyway. It is not over, “until the fat lady sings” and she is not even doing her warm up exercises yet. I know her personally.

Two things in life that are always important to know and understand regardless of the situation are: Never lose sight of your own ability to come back and if we send out the karma of blame, we will make achieving our own goals that we were on our way towards achieving, that much more difficult to gain. Success of any kind takes ownership of the problem. It is time to stop the hate and whining and to get imaginative in our own lives. If we start working together maybe the politicians will as well. We can always hope for the best and many times be rewarded with the same.

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Living In OUR Safe Homogenized World

The problem that exists, as I see it, when it comes to subjects that are considered taboo like sex education and abortion, is, it becomes very easy to become smug and arrogant in our little Christian world. Ask Doctors, Cops,Those living in poverty, and District Attorneys, just what the human race is capable of doing to each other, and most of us would faint away in the telling of the cruelty. That is why we need laws that are not always definable in black and white.

Pathetically, much of this behavior has been going on for a 100 years and we are no better off today when it comes to finding prevention than we were then. What gains that we made in equal rights and civil rights is being undermined by denying rights to gays. The argument goes that since Christ was not involved in social problems then neither should the churches be, at the same time they try to prevent both women and gays their State and Federal rights.

It is rare to find either male or female prostitutes, in any city in America, that were not first a victim of incest, but if we do not know it, then it is easy to believe only 1% of the abortions are as a result of incest, or that there are only a hand full of victims,even when there is no basis for truth on that estimate. People do not report abuse when done by a family member, many times, so it is impossible to get any conclusive percentage of incest. We want to believe that the Catholic priests that molested these young boys did it in secrecy, one victim at a time, until we watch Oprah and hear the twins discuss the gang rape and torture that involved 33 Catholic priest, together at the same time, and happened years ago. The details are just now seeing the light of day. We may have acknowledgement and apology but pay off in cash, is not justice, for a crime of pedophilia.

Certainly they are lying about Bishop Long, we say, because we like him so. The worse our children ever face, most certainly we tell ourselves, has to be drugs that we prefer to ignore, and starvation and even that is rare because of free school lunches and Church ran free meals for the homeless, we like to believe. Certainly we the taxpayers, who are paying less in taxes than anyone since the 1950′s, are entitled to a break from all our struggles, we are convinced of, in our own self-congratulatory manner, because we are generously giving out free school lunches. Never mind we are closer everyday to needing them,ourselves, not because our taxes have increased due to government spending(YET) but because of our own spending habits. It is always easier to blame the liberals, who new key hate word is progressive, for the mess we are in. God forbid if we were able to take blame, ourselves.

We, simply, do not want to believe that parents can do to their children what they do and have done for decades, so we pat ourselves on the back, while we plant the white crosses in the fields and believe it, when we are told that most abortions occur because women want to look good in their bikinis. It is easier to feel Christian, when we believe that these terrible things never happened and it is all lies. Parents would never prostitute out their own children or give babies drugs, so they sleep around the clock, or put Coke in their baby bottles because it cost less than milk. Would they?

We do need to think about the denial, that we Christians, are in and why we do not listen to our Religious leaders when it comes to beating up on our mates, fraud, cheating on our taxes, failing to pay our bills, secret liaisons, adultery, birth control,greed or all the other things we do and feel justified in doing without our Religious leaders knowing. Why is it then that we all vote like a herd of sheep in order to prevent women freedom of choice granted to us by the Constitution and the equal rights amendment as well as law? Isn’t that social interference? How we vote is one thing that our Church Leaders cannot influence or tell us what to do, without breaking the law of Man or God or our Constitution.

Those of us that no longer attend Churches are not atheist, nor are we out to close the doors on religion, as you are being told. We just simply refuse to break any law whether it is Man’s law or God’s law, because we have developed our own responsiblity and conscious to do the right thing, in many cases. It is difficult for many of us to accept Church law as being God’s law due to the behavior of the Church leadership in most cases. Many of us still hold a deep and abiding faith in both God and Jesus and would like to see religion get out of politics as it is stated in the Constitution and in the separation of Church and State law.

No one person or group or organization should ever be given the power to be above the law of the Land, in my opinion as well as many other voters, even though the Churches have chosen to break the law by doing so. The agreement made in the 1940′s was to give all religion tax-free privileges and they would remain separate from state and not influence the vote. There is some conversation going on to take away their tax-free privileges since they have broken the law.

It always has been in the hands of “we the people” as to if they should or should not receive the same. Many Christians see the hypocrisy that apparently others don’t see, because of denial. It becomes impossible to put much stock in a Spiritual advisor that preaches,”do as we say not as we do.” Many of us grew up, a half of century or so ago, with that in our homes and saw the injustices in the thinking then as well.

It is no wonder, then, there is so much hate going on as a result of the self-righteous spreading the hate and lies. After all, if I was blind to what was going on, right under my own nose, I might too, be confused and angry. Whatever the decisions are, that are being made in Washington, we cannot elect politicians that can clean up a mess like the one we are in, without expecting some mistakes being made along the way in their efforts. This is and has been brand new ground that needs to be broken through trial and error. We admit that there have been some mistakes made, but not as nearly colossal, as the years prior to these last two years, but not because OBama is out to create Socialism as you claim.

We are taking things out on OBama, that should have been taken out on Bush and Cheney and those of us who voted for them,(However,even that would be somewhat immature and a waste in futility, as we should have known that they were a few short of a six-pack when we voted for them) but we do owe the Office of the Presidency and the man in it better than what we have given OBama. Anyone doing the job that he has had to do with a say “No” Republican party holding him back on every attempt, was and is going to make mistakes.

I would hope the new Congress coming in would try a little honey instead of announcing their main goal is to get OBama out of office. We are all going through withdrawals while waiting for co-operation amongst the elected officials and perhaps that is partially responsible for both “the dry drunk behavior” and the meanness that is going wild. Can’t we all agree a little honey might be the better of two evils? It still has to get past the Senate and the Dem.s are still in control of that,as well. After all, respect and courtesy, use to be the Christian way. Can’t we give it a try and all just try to get along, and see if together we can correct some problems without being afraid of who will get the credit or blame in 2012?

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When Truth Speaks Over Lies.

When truth speaks over lies, we find out in a hurry, many times, that our thinking also changes. We find out that government can do very little about job hiring. To cut the budget means that people will lose more jobs. Will it be in Social Security or Medicare when both are already heavily in debt? Will it be in defense, at the time we are at war, and our troops are depending on the necessary equipment to keep them safer? Or will it be in our police and fire departments? Is the real truth that they really do not care so much about slicing the budget but instead are out to destroy the unions of the working class? Perhaps to eliminate government altogether?What about an education system that has been heavily damaged and is struggling to come back? These are the things that the Republicans did not talk about when they pledged to cut the budget.

We find out that the gay community is much larger than what most of us realize and medical truth does show that gays are born gay. Will the gay person you are slandering grow up to be your son or daughter or your grandchild? Will you want them to be true to the nature that they were born with? Do you want them to find happiness, and someone who loves them, as you do?

Will you or your loved ones, be a sign carrying hate monger disturbing the funerals of the brave soldier being buried or show up at a Courthouse in Laramie ,Wyoming, the next time a young gay person is beaten to near death and left tied to the snow rails so that the elements finish him off? Will you or they, scream, to his or her parents, “that they will burn in hell” because you or they are there with your Church group and have their Blessings, as well? Are you and your attitudes any different from these people who will or do behave in this manner, even if you or your loved ones do not show up?Will we American Citizens let his memory die in vain?

What about the truth on abortion facts? You have been told that incest only makes up 1% of the total abortions and you find out that there is no way anyone can possibly know the percentages of incest abortion. Even if it was only 10 little girls, who were your daughters or sisters, wouldn’t that be ten too many? Do you know why those percentages are not true and cannot be true? Number one:no one at the abortion clinics are allowed to ask how the 10-year-old child got pregnant, ever. Number two: because of family shame, 9 out of 10 of the children seeking abortions for incest will be instructed to keep their mouths shut and pretend they had a boyfriend. Spare the family, shame at all cost, still is a priority in many homes across America, over telling the truth. Also it is common that abused children want their parents’ love so badly, that they will not tell their mother’s the truth. Other times the boy friends,fathers,step fathers, and grandfathers threaten to hurt their family, so they do not tell.

Many of the bastards that do impregnate their girl friend’s daughters or step daughters or grand daughters will call them whores knowing full well they were virgins and accuse them of having boyfriends. Often their mothers will call their daughter liars and believe their boy friends, husbands and fathers over their child. If it is your daughter or grand-daughter, that has been raped or has a lung disease so severe that it will kill her for certain, and she is still in her teens or twenties and has not yet had a chance to live, herself, will you tell the Doctors to let your daughter/grand-daughter, die for the future of the embryo? It has better odds of not surviving either, due to the complications of the disease,as well.

I can go on about so much of what we see as black and white when we are so certain that we have a duty to judge, but it is always amazing, how different our minds change when we are caught in the actual experience of living the truth. Another instance is when it is our child on death row, our darling little wheel chair and oxygen dependent girl or our sweet girl with the brain capacity of a two year old, is raped and pregnant, our child needing surgery and we do not have the insurance or means to pay for it, our parents wanting to live out old age in their homes that they worked for all their lives, or the neighbor’s house catches fire and is threatening to burn down ours as well, but there were no funds to pay for a fire dept. in our district, so we will watch our house burn as well.

Before any of us so willingly give up our right to think for ourselves, and instead vote, because we are being frightened by the salvation of our souls, we need to stop and ask ourselves just how much, are we being told is the truth and how much are lies. Many times when things are totally black and white with no middle ground it is not as simple as sin or grace or hell or heaven. A great deal of the time it is agenda over truth. Almost always the laws made are made to spare real live people, whose lives or happiness are hanging on the empathy and compassion of ourselves. More times than not, they are going through the worse battle of their lives. Do we change everything that is good and descent about us as a Democracy and as a human being, because some bullies or selfish individuals take advantage of the law, always?

It does us all well to remember that no one is infallible and certainly things or situations, and truth especially, are rarely black and white. When we start thinking everything that happens in life is, many times, we live the experience ourselves. We have a moral obligation to understand the hardships we add to people, who truly are faced with the worse decisions of their life, is the measure of the person that we are or will become. What makes Democracy work and better, is both our empathy as well as compassion, for the people who do walk in these shoes on the average of once an hour,a day, once a week, or once in a lifetime.

What will we do, when we or our loved ones, are called on to be one of them? I assure all of us, until then and only then, when we are getting comfortable with those shoes, will we know or understand, the value of truth over lies, and the role we must play, in order to find joy in our own life. I’m not speaking of emotions folks. I am speaking of what separates us from the animals and predators who shun those different from themselves and devour their young, aged, and sick. Humanity and Democracy depends on both empathy and compassion for the truth, for its own survival.

Never again, should we, the American voter, tolerate the behavior and the lies that took place on both sides, in this past election and continues to be deliberately spread by the likes of Sarah Palin, Rich Limbaugh on all of his radio broadcasts, and Michelle Bachmann, just to name a few. We need to let them all know that we will no longer stand for it and it is time they do all of us a favor and leave their hate at home. It’s simple enough to do, as they are all attention hounds, and all we have to do is pull the plug or hit the off button.

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