Iiving A Contented Life

Contentment is the epitome of life itself, in my opinion. I have had people tell me that they need more thrill in life or need to keep things stirred up more in order to enjoy themselves. I understand that a contented life probably isn’t for everyone but, in my book, it can’t be beat.

What ever kind of life we choose to live, the facts are, the important thing to remember is to not delay making the decisions or make the decisions in too much haste. Life was intended to be lived on balance in all things, and sadly, the great majority of all of us do tend to go from one extreme to the other. We must have a plan as those who do just let life happen are the same who often end up bitter thinking that they got screwed while such and such just set back and watched it fall in their lap. It never happens that way, folks, to anyone, other than possibly the fraudulent who ultimately pay a larger price when they get caught and the lottery winners, who many times regret that they won, as it often costs very important relationships in the process.

Opportunity ventures its face in the life of all of us and as the saying goes”he who hesitates is lost” but on the other hand the opposite applies as well that”good things comes to those who wait”.It is a matter of knowing the difference when it happens because we either planned for it or was in a position to make the decisions necessary when it arrived.

To contradict that statement on very rare and I do mean rare occasions people do seem to have a luck that does out surpass most. Although I’m not a big fan of the idea that success has much of anything to do with luck, I do know that sometimes even the unconscious will stumble onto something and come out smelling like roses as a result of it.Anyone who counts on luck though is usually going to be sadly disappointed.

It does none of us any good to blame anyone else for the life we are living because we always have options to make choices that will reflect our own lifestyle. We cannot predict the market anymore than we can predict a slot machine. Con men and women will always take us for a ride. Credit cards all need to be paid for as do the bills. Not sooner or later but on time. Checkbooks need to be kept balanced, just as, we need to live according to what we make and not according to how someone else lives. It is our responsibility to know and understand the difference, and at the same time understand that if we fail today then there is another day to try again. The important thing is with practice we eliminate failure and not increase it. Most especially we do need to understand,that our adult children need to make their own decisions as well and live according to their own earned means and not according to our means.If we do not raise them to be responsible,self-sufficient, and kind we have only ourselves to blame.

It is true that, “bad things do happen to good people,” and my experience is that the great majority of people who do have the worse of tragedy in their lives are often the ones that set the best example for the rest of us to follow. They seem much wiser in their knowledge of the value of forgiveness and giving up on hate than many of us whose lives have simply followed the pattern of what life is intended to follow. Health problems can and will destroy the life that many of us had planned on living as does crime. I give you all exemption from the rule of thumb,”that we make our own decisions”,however at the same time, we all will need to decide how we are going to make the best out of what we have left with life, so it does get back to the decisions we make for ourselves.

Whatever life we choose for ourselves we all need to understand it takes planning and sitting around waiting to hit it big with the lottery is not going to cut it. We also have all different kinds of ways at looking at just what contentment means to each of us. I knew if I married someone just like myself that life would probably get quite boring if not downright dragging in a short time. What has made my marriage interesting has been our differences. Believe me, my husband and I are totally polar opposites. Our main and abiding sameness is our morality. Our sense of right and wrong, if not identical, is as close to it as any two people can get. Others will bully in order to get their mates to be identical to them in their thinking, or go out looking for a mini-me. Not me boy. I will always want to know what the other side of life looks like.

Money is the sign of contentment for some, to others having the luxury of good health , being able to travel for another,the time to read for those who never had time before is contentment, and spending time with grandchildren for others. My idea of contentment is living life with a clear conscience, owing no person anything, and having given better than I took from life, while hoping my husband and I live long enough that our grandchildren remember who we were and what we stood for, and their evaluation comes out on a positive note over a negative. I also hope I leave behind a few that can think of me and smile. The beauty of living a content life is that it can and is as variable as there are people. For some it is what they feel or look like, to others what they do or own, and to many others who they have become. That is why we need to seek for ourselves what mysteries life holds for each of us.

I’ve had enough money to know that the more that we have the more responsibility we owe and the more expectation people have in us. I have traveled well enough to know after two weeks I want to be home on my own mattress and cooking home cooked meals.As much as I love my grandchildren I owe it to their Mom and Dad to stay out of their way as much as I can. It doesn’t stop me from wanting to keep doing as much of it as I can and gaining even more from the adventure.

Contentment to all of us, in my estimation, should mean taking care of ourselves and our own problems for as long as is humanly possible and then asking for help when we need it. Often times when parents have been overly generous and bailed out their adult children they are owed definite financial help when the adult children can help out financially and the parents have met with hardship.If bailing them out consists of more than once or twice or became a frequent occurrence it is unrealistic to think that they or us, either one, will have income for our old age.

In other cases adult children have taken responsibility for themselves from the minute they turned 18 and owe us nothing more than they choose to give. Our children are our responsibility up to the age of 18 and they are not responsible for what we choose to give them anymore than they are for what we fail to give them, prior to their becoming an adult. All the money we spend on spoiling them that does not go into an education or teaching responsibility is spent more for our own purposes to make ourselves look and feel good than it is spent towards making our own children more responsible or self-sufficient. Too many people when they get older either think their kids owe them and move in to aggravate their lives when they still have the capacity to look out after themselves or are so stubborn they force their children into making the tough decisions that the elderly should had made before they got so old they became incapacitated.

It is possible when my husband and I both get to that point that we will be the biggest pains of all, but I hope not. We have made plans to do a little of what he wants to do and a little of what I want to do at the same time we both understand that”life is what we are busy planning for when the uncontrollable happens.” If we don’t at least plan and accumulate savings, one thing we all know for certain, when we cannot afford to retire is we will have no plans or choices to make, beyond being a Wal-Mart greeter or something comparable or living a life we never planned on living.

Read Full Post »

Accepting Disability

Congratulations! By now you and your loved ones as well as the medical profession, are all on the same page. I would not interfere with or suggest that I know how or why you reached this mile stone in your life, but I understand as you must have, that we each have our own path to take when reaching this point.

If you have followed my posts, then you understand as I do, that I cannot write about the disabled through mental illness, severely brain-damaged, catatonic, or severely paralyzed as, I, just like you, have never experienced this type of disability. Just as there are stages in cancer or heart disease there are also stages in disability. Sometimes, especially with injury, it is a very slow progression, if it progresses at all, and with others, that include disease, it can be fairly rapid. I do believe it is safe to say though that regardless of the disability, unless we have reached the mental state of acceptance, none of us do totally understand how we will react or respond a year from now.

I hope that by talking about my own experience then, I can help you discover,as I have, that the mind needs to be in the place of acceptance in order for the body to respond accordingly. When I reached the point that I understood any further testing would simply update medical records and bring no further relief or change of treatment to me and that.” it was what it was,” then I understood,I was left with nothing further than accepting what I could do and what would be very painful to do.

I began my introduction to the idea that things would never be normal in my life, as I had planned it, when my body was sending out all kinds of warning signals that seemed to be untreatable but at the same time was raising my blood pressure. Along with the disabling disease that caused a great deal of pain, I was reacting to the treatment. Our children were still quite young as I was only 28 years of age, and initially I could not distinguish between symptoms of what ailed me, versus symptoms of drug reactions. It is extremely difficult to do, especially when the diagnosis is inaccurate or someone has deemed themselves God in our lives, and decided to withhold the truth from us, by playing down our symptoms when we ourselves already are experiencing debilitating pain.

I went through all the emotional upset and trauma that we all go through as I had always had the attitude that it would be easier for me to die than to be disabled. I, like everyone else, had heard of,” all the miracles of modern medicine” so it came as a shock to me that medicine could not cure everything much less not be able to treat everything. Just like you, I asked the question, “why me” until I was able to answer it with “why not me?” All kinds of mistakes were made by me and those around me, and I definitely suffered dark periods in my life. Whenever they attempted to treat one area of my body then it would throw off another system of my body. This is quite common in treating the central nervous system.

Many times I had to complain for several years before I was taken seriously about my complaint once the Dr.s did get the diagnosis correct. There was a real sense of, “we can’t do anything about her complaint so lets find something wrong elsewhere and get her to concentrate on that.” I would advise everyone prior to having surgery of any type to ask if it is elective or mandatory for the condition in which you need relief. It took me much too long to see past this ploy, I’m afraid.

In short it was a helluva place for me to be as I tried to protect my loved ones from it and never spent a day in bed outside of when I was hospitalized. I went ahead and took care of my own responsibilities along with most everyone elses, other than my immediate family who understood as they lived with me, until I reached the point that to push myself any harder was very destructive to both myself as well as my longevity.

Still today I will go ahead and do something that causes a great deal of pain like refinish a piece of furnish just in order for me to understand that if I had effective pain treatment I would not be physically disabled. Effective pain treatment at this point would definitely put me into an almost catatonic state due to the increase of the necessary amount of drugs it would take to allow me to operate pain-free and under normal ability. Sadly, I am allergic to the standard form of treatment for my particular disease.

At the very least, abusing or increasing substantially, the only drugs available to my treatment themselves, would lead to mental confusion,anxiety and depression, if not cause early death, so I gladly live with the pain treatment that dulls pain if I do little to nothing. I can still determine to what length of time and rest I can take and still feel well enough to enjoy my life. I plan on staying in charge of my brain since I do have less and less to say about my physical abilities and must use the necessary aids available to me.

With all diseases, there are good days and bad days. My best days will always be the days that I can accomplish doing some of what I want to do. Many times because I have developed interests in oil painting,collecting,reading,genealogy,research and writing I can have a terrific day doing very little according to Society’s point of view, and still be relatively pain-free, as well. I can do most hobbies upwards of an hour a day. Most of us will learn that we have never really done what it is that we truly love doing, prior to our injury. At this point it is all about keeping my mind healthy to both concentrate, learn, and to becomes less dependent on the pain treatment.

I understand that on days that I want to do something I will pay the price in pain but I prefer doing it, to being waited on by a caregiver and being bed or chair bound permanently, due to the fact that my mind has been lessened as a result of pain treatment. Since pain is no longer relieved by rest my tolerance to pain has built naturally over the years. There is a real danger with Doctors either under-treating or over-treating with pain medication so make sure, you yourself, knows the difference.

Long story short, it is my hope that all of you can and do reach the point that you have cried your last tear, yelled out of anger and frustration, for the last time, and found genuine peace in the things that you can do. I hope you find real joy of waking up each day knowing that you and only you are still in charge of the areas in your life that matter the most.

I hope you never question or listen to what people who have never experienced your level of disability have to say on the subject.(unless they are medically or spiritually trained to offer relief or peace of mind or are kind enough to act as your caregiver and to listen to you) I hope you have found a Dr. that will be honest with you and help when you do ask for help. I hope you know to celebrate and rejoice in what you can do and no longer grieve what you can not do.

I hope you have learned the value of this moment,hour, day and see the beauty in each day. I hope if you require a caregiver and still have responsibilities that you do not ask others to do what you can still do ,yourself. I hope you have a good imagination that allows you to figure out a different way of doing the same thing that you use to do and have learned patience in doing so.

I hope you get a genuine”kick” or “hoot” out of life and count your Blessings for being a part of the human race, regardless of what the ignorant or ill-informed seem to think or believe to the contrary. I hope you despise sympathy and understand and empathize with others who have less than you do. But most importantly of all, I hope you do know your own strengths as well as your own limitations, and have a support system that applauds you for knowing the difference. If that includes no one more than yourself and a good book and you still know the joy of waking up each day, then you have made it, my friend. I do know it is all possible with the right attitude, just as you have already learned, yourself. Congratulations! I’m proud of you!

Read Full Post »

Disability Before Acceptance

The in-between stage, from the shock to acceptance of disability, can be and often is a time of turmoil. Even if family is slow to accept or the medical profession itself is not responding to our symptoms, most of us find that we can not deny those strange things that are happening to us, in our own bodies. The next big step is in the frustration of getting family to accept it. In some cases where it is disease over injury, just getting the medical profession, itself, to understand can be an equal frustration.

I recommend family get all the necessary help and opinions that are available to them, as well as research on their own, so that they can understand the disease as well as ask questions based on the same. This is not a time to hide behind denial, manipulation, or intimidation, as the sooner we react the better the results will become, in many cases. Doctors,as a rule, will be slow to volunteer any information unless we do ask the questions.

Once we do get over the shock of understanding that so little is still known or understood about the central nervous system (the system most effected by disease or injury that leads to disability) then we understand a bit better why the answers are not coming. Any of us that do deal with chronic disease or injury get a quick lesson in,” the lesson of cause and effect”, because the medical profession is still leap years away from understanding or knowing what does cause most diseases.

I have had Doctors who leave the room and send in the nurse without answering my questions when I do ask questions and have been yelled at for asking them,told there was something going on in my own environment causing it, treated like it was hopeless so why bother, lied to, and heard a lot of, “we simply do not know the answers.” If your Doctor is not forth coming with answers or explanations, then get another opinon. Doctors, themselves, many times get frustrated and their behavior or bedside manner can add to the already difficult position that many of us face. People react differently to stimulus or answers and because Doctors treat on averages instead of individuals, many times the treatments themselves are either ineffective or can jeopardize our health further.

We all reach our level of acceptance with trial and error and many times feel very lonely in the process. People as a general rule can be insensitive, rude or very unkind as well as reverse and become terribly understanding. Do not give up on them, but if it is necessary to put distance in between, then do so. It is a time to surround ourselves with a strong support system or to accept that we are in it for the duration.

Just a note, to the people who will set themselves up to be caregivers or inherit the job. The more you accept the fact that the disabled person needs to test and find out their own abilities and or limitations the easier it will be for both of you. Many times caregivers will baby or accuse the disabled person out of their own frustrations and this only adds to an already difficult time. For the most part the more normal we make life the better the results. If it is a child that needs to be taught right from wrong then teach them the same as you would the rest of the children in the household. Even if it requires repeating and repeating it is important, regardless of the disease or injury, they learn to behave. It clearly will add to the difficulty, but disabled children that grow up to not understand their own responsibilities to society, often times become a further statistic.

With time and a lot of communication and many wonderful people to compensate for the jerks that exist in all “walks of life” when it comes to disability,everything is possible. Hope for the best while preparing for the worse and the results can often times be amazing. We must base that on the accomplishment of the disabled and the functional ability of the same.

Do not get caught up on who can do what or think age matters as many times it does not. Nothing will teach gratitude, acceptance of the unknown, release of fear and knowing and understanding our own priorities in life, more than what the lessons that currently lie ahead of you will teach. Good luck and do not misplace your direction, but expect to fall off the path a time or two, as it is expected and normal to do so.

Read Full Post »

Emotional Beginnings To Disability

So often people are injured or diseased and do not have a chance to even contemplate their life, prior to needing physical aides, in order to maintain independence in their lives. As a rule family members are so grateful, many times, that they still have their husband,son,daughter,wife or loved ones alive, that they dismiss the emotions of the victim.

All of medicine is notorious towards the lack of compassion shown the emotional pain of a disabled person, unless they are injured doing a heroic deed, in comparison to families who have lost a loved one. The research that goes into crippling disease along side of life threatening disease is a disgrace around the world. The religious tell us to pray, ask for mercy or to give thanks for being alive at a time we aren’t sure ourselves, we are better off being alive.

When Dr. Kervorkian seemed to be the only Doctor that understood and listened on this issue, he was eventually sent to prison to serve out a jail term because he, and he alone, heard people when they said, “it would be better for them to die than to suffer the disabling disease”, that would cause them to suffer but allow them to live. When a patient becomes terminally ill most compassionate Doctors will allow a patient to end their suffering by prescribing a morphine patch that will kill them, if and when they are ready.

Many religious beliefs, from the mystics to the common person on the street, hold that pain is as a result of Satan and we must have done something bad to deserve living in pain. So common is the belief that disabled people do it to themselves, that some people hold genuine hate for the disabled. Is it any wonder then, when people left on their own to work through their own pain often choose suicide? After all, we have the majority of doctors saying, “the only reason that Dr. Kervorkian’s patients chose death over life was because they were depressed.”

Never do we hear, unless it is terminal or caused as a result of a heroic act, that the pain was more than anyone could bear and unfortunately medicine still has a long way to go when treating pain, or finding Dr.s willing to treat it effectively. Our loved ones may hear it, after we are gone, but we will never hear it ourselves.

Who in their right mind would not be depressed when people that we should be able to count on from Church,to medicine,to friends, to family would rather blame, undertreat, pretend to understand, or act indifferent to it all, over trying to listen and understand? Throwing a pill at everything is not always the answer either, sometimes surgery or acknowledging ignorance or fault of your own will go a long way.

Regardless of the truth of disability, mankind has built within them, the unique Blessing and gift to survive. It is true that both depression as well as anger do follow through with pain. We do feel we are being rejected by people we should be able to count on. Many times it does become our responsibility to tell Doctors how to treat us, convince our loved ones we are fine when we are not sure we can go on another minute. Many times in their excitement to have us alive or for having saved our life, they will totally dismiss we are grieving our loss of limb or normal pain-free body. Many times we do not know it ourselves.

I don’t care if those of us that are disabled are over-weight, smoke, drove too fast, inherited a familial disorder that went misdiagnosed, or worked at a high risk job. The exact same way a family does not get up in the morning and thinks today their loved one will die, neither does the victim of disability believe that it can happen to them.

Somewhere, along the line, we have become such a physical fit, fear filled, or diet conscious society that we have lost all compassion or empathy for those that do suffer. If you are relating to this as you read it, let me assure you that with time and healing and placing one foot in front of another we who do become disabled, often are the lucky ones.

Unlike, all the others that probably are telling you how to better deal with your disability, I will leave it up to you, to discover how and why disabled people could possibly be the lucky ones. The Blessings are many as are the numbers that do understand and do think you will make it to where we are so that you too do know and understand. Good luck and make each day count more, when you are up to it!

Read Full Post »

Power Chair Versus Electric Scooter

When the time came that I was no longer willing to depend on being pushed in a regular wheel chair in order to maintain a length with normalcy, I was sent to the physical therapist by my Doctor to be measured for a power chair. Naive as I was, I did not know or understand the options available to me so I will try to educate those of you that are in the position I was in.

My particular disease will allow for sporadic walking, currently. This means I can walk to a table and be seated or go through a small antique store or do limited walking and standing with a cane, and with the knowledge that I have to be willing to suffer pain and discomfort in doing so. Due to injury to my arms as well as my legs as a result of both lower and upper spine deterioration, I am not able to use the large wheeled hand-operated wheelchair that I can empower myself. I would definitely encourage this mode of transportation for those that still have upper body strength as muscles that are not used are lost.

I have since learned more about the availability of what I like to refer to as toys available to the disabled and will give you my take on both. Unless you get a foldable power chair that will break down or fold up and be placed into a trunk of a car you will need both a van and a lift of some type to put the chair into the van. In my case since I and my husband both are taller than normal, it required a custom van that would allow for standing. Regardless of the type of lift you do get, they have not yet perfected them to run consistently with the doors opening effectively each time. If you go this route, you soon learn to only enter or exit on a flat service, for more operable use of both.

Although I have never had the foldable or take apart power chair, I have checked into them and tried them out but found, in my opinion, for them to be fairly cheaply made and the price difference reflects that. Power chairs when recommended by Dr.s are paid for by the Insurance Companies. Medicare rarely if ever pays for them. The other large difference between the foldable light weight power chair and the regular power chair, is the lack of speed and power to both climb and dislodge from ruts, since in order for the light weight chair to be loaded by hand. it takes considerably smaller batteries to run.

A typical power chair that needs a lift weighs in at approximately 250 pounds due to larger and heavier duty batteries, whereas a portable or foldable one can weigh as little as 40 pounds. I applaud the power chair business that works with the medical field in developing the power chair as I have had little to no problems with the standard chair that requires a lift.

Scooter companies, I also own a scooter, works as a retail outlet and it becomes important that we understand like all retail companies there are good and not so good ones. Check out a consumers report site or magazine on the ones ranked the best before buying. Although there are also foldable and breakdown (can be taken apart without tools) in the scooters they also have the same power deficiencies as the power chair when it comes to both power and speed, when they are of the light weight variety. Scooters with three wheels will turn in a smaller circle than with the 4 wheels but they also are more susceptible to upsetting if turned too sharply.

If we want to use our chairs and scooters outdoors on more rugged terrain or on a beach the standard size chair and scooter are going to be a must. If you only need a scooter or chair to shop or enter casinos,businesses or Church then the foldable or break-apart will perhaps suffice, but I repeat that they do not have the power to pull or become dislodged from what sometimes is nothing more than a small rut and they can not be pushed beyond the power of the battery to pull itself out of the hole.

The standard power chair will meet all requirements for any need for the disabled but the aggravation of trying to get a lift and automatic doors to respond can be and is a consistent problem when using them. We have had to remove both bolts and carry a rope in order to tie doors shut or to crank in the lift. This is simply something that most disabled people are not capable of doing since most of us cannot bend sufficiently,get up and down off of a floor, or are paralyzed. I would also warn that all power chairs have hollow tires with tubes much as a bicycle and they can be or are punctured by nails,Texas sand burrs, glass etc. The scooters are solid rubber tires and do not ever go flat.

I much prefer the power chair to the scooter as they do turn on a dime and can get in and out of places a scooter will never be able to get in and out of. I was fortunate that I was steered to go that direction first. The custom van (some people may be able to make a standard van work) will run between $55,000 to $60,000 and this is money a great many people simply do not have. There is State aid of some type, I did not look into it, for the lifts but we are all on our own to raise the money for our vans.

All scooters, even when they are not advertised to be, are able to be taken apart, as a rule. They are idea to do outdoor activities as they can be both hand loaded when taken apart in 4 easy pieces, and have both fairly good power and speed if they are of the more heavy-duty type. Since the tires are made of solid hard rubber they never go flat. They are not covered by health insurance, as a rule, and need to be paid for out of our own pockets.

They are much less expensive and need a wide berth to turn, especially when using the four wheel. If we try to shop with a scooter we will need to be prepared to back up when there is traffic in the aisle as versus turning around as we can with the chair. The scooters however, are able to get in and out of a single door easier that the power chair. For the most part, the scooter is more of a transportation need and requires far less dollar output but is not to be mistaken for use where medical requirements are needed for the use of a chair.

Since it does not require the same level place to both load and unload due to the fact that there is no lift required, I much prefer taking the scooter on vacation with me, and using the power chair for shopping. It is a personal choice on my part.

I still use strictly a cane or canes while in and around my home, with the advantage of carrying a lightweight stool, and recommend that everyone that can, devise a system for themselves, that will give them better ability to develop over-all muscle strength, when possible. Any time spent out of both the scooter or chair will prolong our own ability to perform for ourselves as well as others, when possible, as well as maintain our own independence. Although both the electric scooter and powerchair will give us much more freedom outside of our homes and enable us to live more independently from requiring help from others. I hope I have offered you some help here, as I found very little to none, when I needed to know the difference.

Read Full Post »

Taking A Break From Routine

As a stay at home Mom, that put many hours into volunteer as well as random acts of kindness, I learned early in my adult life that taking a break from routine was going to be a necessary move on my part. I could blame it on a break from pain or a break from the same old same old and both would have been correct.

I only had to take a look at the man I was married to and the male friends that I had associated with to understand that men had been doing this kind of activity for years and it was the women that found the excuses as to why they never could or had legitimate excuses as to why it was impossible. Some people are quite content with routine or believe they are and do not even bother to change their perspective. I personally believe we do no one a favor when we do have that attitude.

For generations men have gathered to hunt,fish,golf,bowl, or do male bonding and a few women of my generation would do one or the other but not all of them. Without making a generality too general,for the most part women did lunch, saw a movie, gossiped over coffee or the phone and played cards. I always preferred to get out of the environment, that I lived in altogether, and really shake up my routine. To me, going on vacation once a year, with the family was always a fun thing to do but rare was the times that I did not come home from vacation more exhausted than I was before I left.

Changing our routine can happen at home or away from home or be a combination of both. For the last 19 days, since I last wrote, I have had all my favorite people in as company, cooked meals that I do not typically cook for the two of us, gone to the casino and hit another jackpot, took a 4 day trip to visit some of the best people who I know, ordered out from a menu and had it delivered in even more frequently, went to an estate auction, made plans to attend another antique auction,caught up on missed sleep, and acted as a confidant for a woman who has had a history of abuse and needed help understanding ways in putting it behind her. ( I’m not sure she will follow my advice as that is her option to not do so, if she chooses to). I learned the value of knowing, help is only as good as the person needing and wanting help accepts it, years ago, and that like most everything else, I have learned, I learned the hard way.

The important thing is, I had the opportunity to live my life looking through the eyes of other people who are entangled with their life’s struggles, and in doing so it has taught me to appreciate more the value of taking out time to put others before myself as well as refreshed old skills that I have used over the years. It is very healthy to do so every so often just as long as we never get in the habit of always putting ourselves last.

No One is indispensable in their lives once we realize that only a control freak thinks they are. Letting go and listening while trying to make others comfortable, their life a little easier but not assuming their responsibility, and making our self-worth sail beyond duty teaches all of us the real value of our connection to the human race and what role we play in it.

For all of you who read my old posts while I was away on sabbatical. I thank you. I do enjoy the routine of my life but still know the need to build on it. I am now heading into the winter months knowing I have taken time out to smell the roses and enjoyed the moment.

By the way, do any of you see any connections with today’s news and the things that I have been writing about when it comes to religion getting off track?

I hate to see what is happening with the Churches in America and wouldn’t be so smug, if I was a member of any Church not currently named, as the problem with all established religion is much larger than what is currently being reported. It is a time of reckoning for the American Churches, in my opinion. No one should ever take anything or anyone on earth too literally or we all will learn how easy it is to be terribly corrupted by powerful influence, if we haven’t already. Sadly it’s not just the politicians that are influenced by power and money and we need to hold ALL criminals responsible, regardless of faith, creed, or color and their position in the same. Yip I’m back!:)

Read Full Post »

The Stem Cell Dispute

I do not understand why the media seems to avoid discussing the source of the embryos that are being requested for research purposes, but to date, I have never heard it discussed when they do report the latest on its progress.

I understand a need to get the law right and perhaps that is all that is currently going on at this point and time, I doubt any of us really know, that are not directly involved. I just think if the media would be clearer about discussing the source of the embryos, our common sense, as far as the public being aware, would be clearer as well as our knowledge on the progress of it. Not to mention the public feeling more accepting of it.

Couples or unmarried individuals that can not get pregnant the old fashion way many times will have the fertilized egg or embryos frozen and for many reasons decide not to use them. They may have as many as 50 or 60 harvested and it only requires 10 to have their baby or family. They may be going to have chemo and want their eggs removed for a later time when they have recovered or they may break up and no longer want to have a baby together. The reasons that they choose to discontinue the service is as many and varied as there are people.

Today they have the option to either continue keeping the embryos frozen or to have them destroyed. For many the decision is to have them destroyed so thousands if not millions get destroyed on a yearly basis with or without the current law being debated. Apparently no one has decided to interfere with the people’s right to destroy them but only to gift them to research. Many couples and persons, themselves, would choose to give them to research rather than to have them outwardly destroyed knowing the value they could have in the potential cure of disease and injury but that has not been an option, in the past.

There are presently 200 research programs, with 50 more waiting for approval, hanging on the decision made by the judge currently trying to stop the progress of the research. It was voted against by the Republican majority for 8 years due to the pressure of the Churches on it during the Bush Administration and one of the first things signed into law by the OBama Administration.

For the moment it does not stop the program but certainly everyone is nervous that it will come to an abrupt stop. Although without the research currently being done no one can be certain, it looks very hopeful as a long-lasting cure for many diseases and accidents from Parkinsons to spinal cord injuries. The longer it gets stalled in the Court system the longer it will be before anyone does have any real answers.

It makes, and never has made any sense to me, that it is o.k. for couples to have the embryos destroyed but it is not o.k. to have them signed over for research purposes where they may end up helping millions of people who have never had help or hope, in the history of medicine, for a cure that will give them both an extended life and a less challenging life. This area of health has had extremely little to no hope even for effective treatment much less cure.

All Doctors trained to find medical miracles have had at their core of training, the use of a human cadaver at some point in their medical career since the beginning of the study of medicine. If we can find dignity in the use of the human body for training in our medical fields then shouldn’t an egg be able to be treated with the same dignity or morality? No surgeon will ever practice his skills without first training them on the use of a human body that has been left to Science to train their lifesaving techniques.

For those that would use the reasoning of morality, it falls short in my estimation, when human bodies as well as human and animal parts are being used to train our medical Doctors as well as transplanted into other humans and have been both acceptable as well as moral ways of treating people to prolong life going back to the beginning of medicine. How can stem cell use for research be immoral when it is used to bring both hope and comfort for a longer and more comfortable life to the suffering? Medicine risk human life daily in an effort to improve or save life and it is considered both moral and humane if the alternative means even more certain maiming or death.

If conception in a petri dish between unmarried couples, donating our bodies to science, our organs for transplant, our bodies kept alive on machines or poisoned as in cancer treatments, or animal and mechanical parts for replacement to the human body for the sake of producing or prolonging life have been recognized as moral then this too should be recognized as moral. Since when has maintaining compassion and empathy for the human race when it does not mean the risk of human life not become moral?

No one is even thinking, much less speaking of developing new embryos for research purposes. I hope as a compassionate America, the law is only being firmed up but with the intolerance for people who suffer, that is currently happening in today’s environment, it smells a great deal more, like politics of the right-wing and therefore special interests, as usual.

Read Full Post »

Staying Up For An Old Dog

No I am not talking about my husband, although over the 41 years of our marriage, I have waited up many a night for him to get home from sports activities, meetings, golfing, bowling, hunting, or boy’s night out. I am talking literally here. I am talking about our dog. As people and their pets age they need to get up more often to visit the privy or to go outdoors. It’s a kidney thing that happens to all of us as we get older.

I am somewhat and always have been, a night owl, anyway. If I had not developed a problem earlier in life, with getting comfortable due to an injury problem, I probably would not wait up at night to let my good and loyal pal out to relieve himself. I would do like others and put him on new papers for the night. I do not want to relay the idea that I am totally out of my mind or some kind of a saint that would relinquish their sleep on a nightly basis to spare their husband sleep or to let an old dog out to whiz. Even though I do wait up to do just that. It is not unusual to find myself up, occasionally yet, at 4:00 in the morning waiting for the dog to come out.

I wrote about him previously, and of his having a nervous breakdown when we left him at the vets while my husband and I took a trip out to see our daughter. He was a birthday gift to my husband and he has proven to be quite loyal to both of us. He spreads himself around quite nicely making sure he does not over use one of us over the other. Quite unusual for a dog, as most are a one person pet, and protective towards one member of the family as versus both. He is my duty, during the day and my husband’s job at night. He makes certain he hangs with us in our spots according to the terms he has made for himself.

When our daughters graduated College and both were close to heading out to seek their fortune I bought the dog for my husband for a birthday gift. He had the responsibility of having to put down another family dog and had sworn off all dogs for life. Needless to say he was not too enthused when my youngest daughter and I went and got him a new puppy for his birthday.

That lasted for 72 hours and the dog won him over. He is a toy cocker spaniel which is a cross between the Japanese Chin and the cocker spaniel and was a reject of his family as he could not get papered due to an underbite so when he smiles, he really does smile, he looks like he is ferocious and about to bite.

I wanted a dog that I could spoil and did not have to discipline as I hated that part of parenting and set out to spoil the new member of our family rotten. The dog ended up proving to me the need to discipline as just like children need guidelines and discipline so do pets. I realized I would do a much greater disservice to him if I did not discipline him and make him fit to visit our children’s homes as well as motel rooms.

He almost died on us with colitis this past winter as his grieving for us became so great when we boarded him, so I am delighted to announce that he is back to walking his three miles with my husband, unless it is too hot, and doing just fine as far as jumping on any piece of furniture he cares to sleep on. As of May he was 15 human years of age so if I miss out on a little sleep to let him out at night I figure it is no less than what he would do for me if he had the ability. Although many peope will not tell you this, many of us us that will admit it, will tell you once we get past a certain age, we nod off in our chairs enough to make up for the sleep lost anyway. He is one of those dogs that if you are lucky enough to find one in a life time, then you are lucky enough.

I can’t say enough to all of you, who are responsible and kind-hearted enough and have never had a pet, but are feeling as though your life is missing something, the amount of joy or pleasure a pet will give you in your life. If you find you have love to give, are appreciative of your own life and want to share your life with someone that is both loyal and safe to share your time with then consider getting a pet. Millions of them need people like you.They are a terrific cure for empty nest syndrome. Make sure before you do visit your local animal rescue center though that you are willing to give up both your time and have the means to care for them if they get sick and have medical expenses.

Animal rescue does not have time or the resouces to educate you on the care of a pet so be sure you know if you are ready to add another member to your family. If you can love without reserve you can care for a pet. As loyal as a dog is they are also as helpless as a child so they will need the commitment for their entire lifetime, from you. Our cities are filled with feral dogs running wild because people brought dogs home and were not willing to give them the care they deserved. Don’t add to the problem if all you want is a companion that you are not willing to give back to through sacrifice when needed. On the other hand if you are ready to add to your life more power to you!

Read Full Post »

“The Apple Does Not Fall Far From The Tree”

For those that would doubt the significance of the environment on a child all one needs to do is to take a good look at the parents to determine why the child has such a nasty or selfish temperament.

I do understand that there are a number of childhood diseases that are genetic and come into play when we deal with childhood temperament and I am excluding those. I am not talking about a child that is unsettled, lethargic,or any of the symptoms that do arise as a result of a genetic disorder. These parents are doing a terrific job , in most cases, and we should all support as well as applaud their efforts.

I am talking about children who grow up with a vocabulary of a drunken sailor,bully,drink ,are insensitive to others,are snobs and very shallow. The type of child that, “only a mother could love.” So many times I have heard parents say, “they are only three or four and we can do nothing about disciplining them”, because they have such a fit, so we just give him or her what they want.

I would like to caution parents who recognize themselves in that statement to please have your child assessed by a Doctor that deals in behavioral Science. Sometimes there is an underlying genetic disease that needs to be detected early in life in order to get the best results.

If you listen to others or just accept that the child is spoiled then you do your child a great disservice that could follow the both of you for life and risk a very sad future for your child. Do not listen to the lay people in your family, even when you do know that you have spoiled the child, it is still important to seek the advice of an expert.

Once you do have a satisfactory diagnosis of good health and the child is spoiled, it is time for you to become the parent and the child to become the child. Right now you are letting them parent and you are on a severely destructive path for both them and yourself. These are the children that grow up and make nasty remarks not just to others but to you as well, bully, are selfish and have no empathy for anyone other than themselves. Many times they are headed to juvenile hall or should be there unless you are bailing them out.

On the other hand if you are in the habit of lying about how you spend money, shop until you drop on yourself, take drugs for minor discomfort, sleeping pills, or drink alone at home, have little to no feeling for the needs of others,make nasty remarks about others on their appearance, then it is time you get help for the both of you.

Your life maybe working for you now but it will never last. Most people eventually grow up, and understand that life holds more than a shallow way of existing. External looks fade. People lose their jobs and go broke. Mates will tire of the constant debt or harassment and shallowness of your persona. Some people will hang for years longer than most will, when there is an evil temperament in a person, but many times the relationship will become explosive because you, yourself, have simply pushed it too far or too hard for too long.

There is no disgrace in asking for and getting medical help. There is a great deal of disgrace in denying that you have the problem and are forcing others to deal with the pain and hurt that you create in the lives of so many others. Our children copy us from mannerisms, actions, and words that come out of our own mouths and as lonely as your life will become without getting help, it is nothing in comparison to what your child’s life will become.

A life based on appreciation that comes naturally, and gratitude that follows and lasts, as well as compassion for mankind, is a life we should all wish for our children as well as ourselves, as only then will they or we find happiness. We owe them that.

Read Full Post »

The Greatest Of All–Charity

Charity is the one ingredient in life that is missing in the efforts being reported by the media, the right-wing and within our Churches today and that is why ultimately all their efforts will fail.

Too many people see charity as something that we do for others and fail to recognize that it is also what we feel, think and say about others. How can we find credibility in any organization like the Tea Party when they spew so much hatred towards OBama? Or in our Churches when they express such a lack of charity towards Gays? Then there is the media that sensationalizes everything to the point that we lose total sight of, if there was any charitable thought behind the message, or if it was just about the dirt gathered or the lies told.

Since I would rather keep this to what the importance of charity is to us, as an individual, instead of going into the lack of it being shown in our Country today, I will leave it at that and hope somehow the message gets through to the people involved that action without charity is bound to fail.

When I was going through one personal crises on top of the other I found that it was the acts of charity that kept me busy on other people’s problems that would ultimately be the greatest act of kindness towards my own well-being of all. Medicine can only do so much and then it is up to us to do the rest.”Patient heal thyself” is never so evident as when we feel that we need to find someone or something to lean on the most.

In my own efforts I found it difficult to explain to people why I would knowingly be helping someone who would ultimately betray me. They found it necessary to warn me that while I was giving of my time and charity by painting her apartment for her she was out partying and apparently felt it odd that I would be helping someone who would feel comfortable enough to have me doing her work free for her while she played. I tried to explain to them without little success that it wasn’t so much about what she was doing or needed as it was about what I needed at the time.

No this was not the type of charity without strings attached but I mention it because most charity that we do for others comes with strings attached. Most people do charity to fulfill a need in them. It can be with the mentality of their own image or an act to obligate others or because doing so makes them feel better about their own lives. Charity in its purest form is neither self-serving or hate filled and certainly not something that we say or do for others and then resent the fact that we did them the favor in the first place or is it filled with lies.

To find a true act of pure charity then we must look at people who do and say what they do and say without expectation of the same. It needs to be said or done for the clear purpose of the need of the person and many times without the person, themselves, knowing where the charity came. When we find remorse because we said something kind about a person or did a deed that went both unappreciated or unacknowledged then we have given charity for the purpose of our own self-esteem or need rather than for the person it was intended to help.

When the “hat gets passed” in the office for another’s birthday and we contribute because if we didn’t we are concerned of what others would think we are not giving out of a charitable attitude. The same is true when we pay our taxes and then try to remove Social Security when we know that over the years it has been the only thing that has kept a roof over the head of many of our elderly. We complain about welfare even when we are collecting much more in unemployment that what we paid into the program.

The truth is that none of us will ever live our lives without having a pure act of charity done for us or to us whether it be that person that makes our stay pleasant, talks well about us when others speak poorly even though they hardly know us, finds our pet and returns it without accepting a reward, babysits for us free of charge when Mom or Dad need to run an errand or leave town on an emmergency, drops off food at a time of loss, gives through any and all charitable organizations or group anonymously and the list goes on. Even then it is still extremely difficult to do an act of random kindness for another without feeling that the real reward goes to ourselves because of the way we feel when we do contribute without strings attached.

Long story short, if you are between solutions in your life, suffering pain as a result of trauma, or just in a malaise of some sort do something for someone else without need to be repaid and see how much better it makes you feel. Nothing gets our minds off of our own problems faster than helping someone who we recognize of having far greater of a problem than what we have.

It may be difficult right now because of how you are feeling, but there is always someone else that is experiencing worse problems than we are. In many cases, it might even be our own caregivers. Remember then the most important of all gifts is charity as it will give us both the healing power of Faith and the inspiring gift of hope. Enjoy your Sunday as it was intended to enjoy and that is with charity in your heart towards others, and I will guarantee you will have a good day.

Read Full Post »