The Risk Within

I have written many posts, at this point, on taking responsibility. My intention is to express to all, what we often find as fault or blame in others, can actually be as a result of a short coming, within ourselves.

I do not blame the victims or believe that anyone who is being mistreated should ever feel it is their fault. I simply want people to question,themselves, why they do tolerate such behavior and to find what changes they can make,to improve their own lives. Too often we never do ask ourselves what it is we can do or need to do, to improve our own lives. It is always easier to blame others than it is to look for or find solutions for ourselves.

As difficult as it is to accept,for some, the truth is that too many times we do become no different from robots, who go about our daily lives never questioning those who are controlling us or ourselves, if we have a strong urgency to control others, who do fine, without our need to control. We can become apathetic,indifferent,a bully, or too complacent or trusting with the people and power of the World that goes on around us, just as we can with ourselves.

If we simply follow routine, that we have slipped into and take programming from others in our lives, we can often wake up to discover, when the relationship ends, that we have taken too many people in our lives for granted or accepted too poor of a treatment,for ourselves.

As long as we insist that we do not care for politics or feel a need to vote, because we incorrectly think both parties are just alike,or we give our vote to another, without thought, we can often end up to discover the party that protects oil companies and big business is the same that allows Democracy to erode. We must always remember, for instance, that oil companies will and do control the politics of States where oil is King, such as Wyoming,Oklahoma and Texas.No different than what tourism is to Disneyland or Disney World.

If our daily life, ends up with our free time being limited by other’s recommendations or dedicated to the inter-net, some television and radio broadcasts that are not concerned with the truth or the news, but instead report slanted views, and we believe the lies that are often spread through the social media and paid ads, we can too often, end up believing lies over truth, not to mention, without having an original thought of our own.

Without educating ourselves, to the reality and truth over perceptions, the knowledge of which party or candidate will do the best job for us and the middle class,will be lost in ignorance or lies, when we do go to the polls and vote. When this happens it is sometimes ourselves, who are the most ill-equipped to vote,not to mention the most dangerous to Democracy.

It is easy to get caught up in our day-to-day habits and routine, to the point that we become lost to ourselves or perform as robots,never questioning the reality of what we are doing or hearing. The longer we do it the more accepting we become of things that do not make sense, when questioned.

It is not something that we are always aware of, in fact most of us do not even have a clue, until we do have trauma take place in our lives, and it forces us into acknowledging what we have accepted as truth, without questioning, a great deal of the time was merely perception, and does not even come close to being the truth.A for instance of that is, we commonly think modern medicine can cure anything until we get seriously ill, and the great majority of us are surprised at how little medicine does know about cause much less cure. Too many times, our own survival will depend on us being more honest and realistic, when dealing with our own lives.

We cannot blame those who we turned over control of our lives to, simply because we were taking comfort in our own lifestyle or stressing over what had very little real significance,in comparison to where our priorities needed to be, in our own lives, much less in the Democracy of America. We need to remain alert to both past and present history, both in ourselves and our own behavior, as well as in the world, that goes on around us.

I doubt, many of us would or could argue, that if we showed as little interests in our jobs or our families, who we have been Blessed with to guide, as we do in the maintenance of Democracy, we would not be at our current job or a reputable member of our family, for long.

Just as we need to stay on our toes, when it comes to the needs of our friends and family, we also need to be aware of how our own behavior affects those we profess to love, as well as, what happens in the World around us. When we fail to keep up with ourselves and our own needs and behavior, we often fail to keep up with the needs of those around us, as well.

We need to be comfortable in the knowledge, we gain, that our own vote just as our own behavior, can and will safeguard the equality as well as the quality of life for all of us, who do embrace freedom. If we fail to appreciate that those we love the most, ourselves included, can be a statistic tomorrow, we often risk the fact that we will deny our own freedom, when others start talking about changing the Constitution to deny others their rights.

It is too easy to think that as long as we are not complaining then those that we love do not have complaints either. If we are busy shopping and hiding the receipts from our spouses, we fail to realize the short high, that we receive, is often the long misery that they receive, when it comes to balancing the budget.

When we constantly sacrifice while our spouse spends or does nothing but argue with us or dismiss our efforts, we are not so content either.Just as we cannot continue to elect politicians who refuse to do anything for the American people, because the other Party may win. We can too many times go back to the fox guarding the hen-house when we refuse to educate ourselves, both in the future needs of our families as well as our Country.

When we all develop the attitude that we, each, are much more than a robot and the risk of both our family as well as American’s Democracy rests on the shoulders of individuals, we will prove we are all reliable to the rest of the World.We owe all those, who look to us for freedom, the responsibility of maintaining Democracy, by putting as much effort into, “Freedom for All”, as we do into our own families.

It needs to be both our goal as well as our priority to know the differences between each candidate and party,including the Tea Party, before we vote. Democracy as well as the survival of our government,of “We the People,” in America and around the World, depends on it.

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Freeing Ourselves From Ignorance

When we accept that our children will represent both the best of us as well as the worst of us, perhaps more people would learn to like themselves and accept others, before they marry, instead of unloading their own baggage on both their marriage as well as their children.

With people waiting longer to marry we have real hope of being able to accomplish doing just that.However, with the falling numbers in the educated since the 1980′s to the drive underway to prevent acceptance of both education and Science in the Right-wing,Tea Party and the Republican platform, taking place, we are seeing an outbreak of bigotry across America instead of an improvement in acceptance of our diversity that does make us the Democracy we are.

On a lighter side perhaps Mother Nature was making us wake up when the earthquake hit the home of the politicians in Washington D.C, who will refuse to allow Science to be part of the Republican platform in 2012. Was she saying if you doubt Science is real I’ll give you a taste of just what Mother Nature still holds through science, by following up with the hurricane as well? Isn’t that the same reasoning that Pat Robertson and Michele Bachmann used to speak of God’s attack on mankind and the Baptist hate group has been using to disrupt military funerals, to show God’s displeasure against gays? Religion has used bad storms and ill-health as signs of God’s displeasure against mankind since the beginning of time and perhaps both are simply normal for the scientific circumstances that exist. I guess it is only fair that we can use it both ways, shouldn’t we think?

Our attitudes are totally dependent, many times, on what we are able to accomplish in understanding ourselves and the reasons behind why we do what we do and why we react to the stimulus in life that we do. Unless we accept Science along with Religion and educate ourselves, we will never fully understand what makes up the components of mankind much less ourselves. The understanding that we reach, through ourselves, also goes towards making huge improvements in how we raise and understand the differences in our own families. Through Science we all learn what makes us tick.

How hypocritical is it that the same party and voters will be the first to embrace modern medicine and support drug companies who base their findings on Science? Are we to believe if they or their loved ones get sick they will refuse Science then as well? Can they tell any difference between atmospheric pressure or the reality that when heat is put into the earth then it must escape somewhere else? What about what goes up must come down? What about reality,is it real?

In homes where both snobbery and bigotry or the self righteous and the intolerant, are central themes, we leave behind an indelible mark for life on our children. Growing up not understanding that to segregate ourselves from others means our own lost, on our future ability to be able to work side by side, in unison, with our fellow workers,can become one of the greatest hardships parents will visit on their children. In America we live in a World of diversity. We are not always going to be able to understand our differences in culture but if we are taught to hate or to separate ourselves from others, because we have been fed hate or told that others are inferior,our children will pay the price of our own ignorance.

Once we all realize that children form cliques in junior high often over nothing more than the brand names of the clothes on their back,because they think the way everybody else in the clique thinks, and the street address of their parents,as well as, group together out of an insecurity and fear to become the individual they are meant to be, perhaps the majority of us can mature enough to accept through Science we learn the only differences that separates all human beings, is the melanin in our skin and that which determines our gender. All mankind are directly made according to their own special genetic code and otherwise there is no difference between the rich,the poor,the races or gender orientation.

The worse kind of segregation takes place in our prisons across America. If that is not an indication of just how we cheat our own families when we choose to set ourselves up as being superior to others, then I do not know what it will take, to open our eyes to the prison we place ourselves and our children in when we can only accept those who share our shade of skin color,think what we think, or live at an address provided by their parents. It should be just a little scary to all of us.

We have not yet reached the place in America,outside of the prison walls, where we do need to depend on the safety in numbers aspect,if we arm ourselves with knowledge through educating ourselves and voting wisely while using common sense in taking precaution, unless we are under attack by criminals,terrorist or our own petty jealousy that often needs companionship, as does snobbery, bigots,and hate groups need to form to keep others out. On the other hand, none of us can deny Mother Nature will always prove to all of us how much we do need to rely on our government, of “For the people by the people,” many times, in order for us all to work together when it comes to digging ourselves out of a National disaster.

The longer we remove truth by removing Science and education from our lives,and replace it with ignorance, the more likely we will reach the point that ignorance will depict how we live. We need to get out of the funk of,” I don’t care anything about politics,” because that will be the number one reason that the ignorant (often times the intolerant or self-righteous) can and will succeed in running America, and we will all be left out of what has become the greatest Democracy of the World.

(Do I need to offer anymore proof of the ignorant ruling America other than looking any further than the Tea Party and the right-wing conservative candidates who have declared and those that may run,for President in 2012, in order to prove my point?)

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Accepting Me Accepting You

Despite the differences in all of us, the only real thing that all children,adults,families,schoolmates,neighbors,co-workers and all people who make up our daily lives are looking for is acceptance.

We often find that people who have lived in a community ,neighborhood or worked at a place longer than the rest feels an entitlement to make certain the new people know how we do things around here. If the new comers refuse to accept our ways of doing things, many times it can turn out to an all out war of the Hatfields and the McCoys. If we have never put up a fence and the outsiders want a privacy fence for their own reasoning the fur sometimes will start flying. If the new employee has learned a more efficient way of processing information than what we learned and refuse to accept what we are teaching them then the feelings are stepped on to the detriment of harmony in the office many times. We all want acceptance in our lives.

When trouble developes in families,neighborhoods,at school or the work place it can usually be traced back to a group or individual who has tried to force conformity on the rest of the people or population to accept their terms of the way things should be done. Change comes difficult for some and they will fight tooth and nail to make certain that change never happens even when the majority have grown to accept that it is necessary to move on or ahead in order to maintain acceptance of the majority in a Democracy,harmony, or to improve on the past.

Trouble usually begins in large families when siblings marry and start bringing in new ideas that are foreign to the pecking order that the family had established years ago. If big brother or big sister had assumed the role of parenting and became comfortable in dishing out orders or making decisions and little sister or brother feel they have a better way of doing things then problems will arise. The older siblings have grown to accept that they are in charge and how dare they be upstaged by a different way of thinking or doing things. The same is true when parents feel because of their station in life their children are bound to accept their dictates for life and if they do not then they will simply disown them,in some cases.

When couples get married and accept that they will refuse to do everything the same way their parents did but instead will form a relationship based on their own acceptance of what standards they will keep and which they will discard they are behaving in a totally natural and healthy frame of mind. Maturity is all about forming our own boundaries and acceptance of the input into what our marriage will represent and look like to us.

When we refuse any acceptance or imput into the formation of our own marriage from our husbands or wives, because Mom or Dad would never approve or did not do it that way or believe in that political party or religion and a wife or husband instead determine that they will live their lives identical to the way their parents or siblings have always dictated, we leave no room for our partners acceptance into our lives. These marriages are in trouble from day one and indicate an immaturity in the couple that suggest they were not ready for marriage.

Marriages last because of our acceptance of both of our differences as well as our likes.Too many people fail to understand that many of us form the idea that we are what we do or like and when there is no acceptance of our likes or differences we often feel that there is no acceptance of us. When we determine the moral ground that we will choose to conform to in order to maintain who we are or to raise a family we accept each other. We need to be on the same page morally in order for a base of trust to form.

If one of the partners are moral and the other immoral we immediately start forming a crack in the foundation of trust that holds the rest of the body of our marriage together. Make no mistakes about it, immoral includes trying to control or dictate to our spouses through the use of force or abuse how they will live their life. Just as it does in the way we spend money or bankrupt the family, on wants over needs. It is when we can no longer accept each others differences that we quit liking or respecting each other and the marriage divides.The character of a person plays a huge role in whether we will accept each other and whether our marriage will last.

The same is true about raising children. What children really want from their parents is acceptance of who they are and what they enjoy doing. When men want a football or baseball star because they think their son has the aptitude they quite often turn the child into what they want instead of what the child wants. Most sons will go along with their Dads because all children starve for their parents acceptance. It is true when mothers turn their daughters into beauty pageants,send them to dance school or cheerleading.

Although it is fine to expose our children to different forms of possible accomplishments in life too many of us fail to hear the child when they say,”Mom and Dad I would rather do…..” Many times it is a far worse crises for a child to feel that they disappoint their parents than it is to speak out and say they do not want to do what Mom and Dad want because most children will do anything to gain acceptance and to avoid disappointing mom and dad. When they do say they want to quit we need to see ourselves as successful parents who have given them a voice in their own lives.

We need to let go of the idea that if we sign up a child to something that we want because we are choosing to live our lives vicariously through our child, that when our children say they would rather quit and do something different they are not failures.There will be things that all children need to learn in order to safe guard their own safety in the future such as discipline and punishment for bad behavior,taking responsibility for their own actions, swimming, basic first aid course and a good education and these we cannot let them decide that they do want to quit. Raising our children successfully is about what their genetic code is telling them and acceptance of their differences from our own.

Just as our parents raised a child or children who grew up to be nothing that they dreamt we would be and learn to accept that,if it was a functional home,we need to do the same in our homes. It is only when we refuse to accept each other for the path that they choose that families will and do disintegrate and form black sheep. When we all are living a moral life regardless of our differences there should never be a black sheep in the family. None of us get to judge who is living a moral life and who is not because just like people have difference in ideas they also have differences in spiritual beliefs and how and where they will worship.

If we are not breaking God’s law or Man’s law we are moral according to our own right to accept the direction we choose to take. The rhetoric and hate being spewed by the politicians should never be considered as moral in our homes to the point that politics destroy our families the way they are destroying their own party with the voters. Life is about me accepting you and you accepting me. God Bless us all!

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When All Trust Is Gone

After spending a great deal of time on describing what guilt does towards destroying relationships,it would be remiss of me to say that too often it holds poor relationships together,as well. Those relationships can consist of couples, friends,family,groups,organizations or political party.

When my husband and I married, I told him that if he ever hit me or had an affair that our marriage would be over. What I really meant, but was not aware of it,since I can forgive almost anything, was if I ever reached the point that I could never trust him again, the relationship would be over.

Many times couples will say, “they no longer love each other,” and use that as the grounds of their divorce. I argue that if once we truly love each other we cannot simply quit loving each other. Instead I reason that most couples or one of them in the marriage, have hurt or betrayed each or the other to the point there is no trust left in the relationship. This is true when long-term friendships end, as well as, when family members leave and never return. Without trust we lose the entire foundation that holds up any relationship.

Love and respect go hand in hand with trust. Why else would we promise to dedicate ourselves for life, to a common cause, and forsake all others if we did not have a great deal of trust in each other and our ability to maintain as well as keep the oath of marriage?

Some people can reach the conclusion that a person or group is untrustworthy after the first time they betray them, and walk away in peace. If you can, more power to you. I can also do that until I am dealing with one of the most important people in my life. I think that is true with most of us. Many times we just keep taking on the poor behavior until we do realize we have spent way too many years hurt by the same person.I make a great deal of allowance for people who would lie to me when they are family, before I draw that conclusion. Too many of us will think that they will start treating us nicer the more we try to do for them. Even when I knew two family members thought they were playing me for a fool with their conspiracy to get out of me, all they could,and they thought I didn’t know a thing, I gave them years of knowing they believed they were out smarting me, until I reached the point, “that the straw broke the camel’s back.”

There are people who can’t fathom that people are willing to do nice things for others without being paid for it or having strings attached. When we do, “random acts of kindness.” those same people come up with words like “big Turkey’,”loser”,”Sucker”,”"Wimp”, and you name it. It is sad that we have such little respect for people who are simply kinder than ourselves. I have often thought the resentment for them makes others who always have a price for everything, simply feel uncomfortable about themselves. The sad thing, is when people do behave in this way, those who receive the kindness many times then do feel as though they are entitled to the same behavior again and again. There are also those who treat family like they are the bank and as long as they are willing to pay them back(sometimes no matter how long it takes) they are entitled to borrow any amount at any time.

As is common with all abusers my antagonists enjoyed their own deceitfulness for almost 40 years (I exclude the other years of my life before they formed their collusion)about how they went behind my back and outsmarted me, before I decided that enough was enough. I need to make certain before I do make that final and last decision that I will never contribute another dime,lend another hand, show up to visit and be insulted one more time, or write another word or letter or make another phone call again, before I can comfortably leave a relationship where I still love the people involved.

Walking away from those who have formed a tight co-dependency or any organization that we have been passionate about for years, is not an easy decision to make but when every ounce of hope or trust is used up, it is time to move on and never look back.

Not all people seek peace of mind and joy but when it became necessary for me to do so in order to look into those trusting eyes of my sweet trusting grandchildren who tell me,”I love and need you Grandma” How could I possibly explain to those sweet boys that Grandma allowed two people to think they were playing me for a fool, while I kept giving of my time,money and love, for so many years, and not feel shame? I knew my efforts to accept, the abusers’ hurt needed to leave in order for my health to give me all the time the Dear Lord would grant me with the grandsons along with my other loved ones,whom I truly admire and respect. Once I made the decision I could almost hear the Angels sing:)

Most people do not get in a lifetime, the number of truly terrific people who I have been fortunate enough to have in my life. I’m sure that played a role in being as tolerate, as I was, with the one-sided relationship,as well. I have always believed, “To those who are given much, much is expected.”

I never spent much time in thinking living with chronic pain due to spinal stenosis on both sides of my spine,before I reached 30 was a hardship. I also did not waste time making decisions based on childhood abuse as a reason to walk away. When the verbal abuse began again in my adult years I did take breaks from it by walking away but never quit loving my mother nor being concern about her. Life has always had too much interests, to me, to let much of anything or anyone get me down for too long.

I got set up even on my wedding day by the twosome and then there was the time I walked into the hospital room in California to be told I was the biggest loser of all only to have it repeated a number of times over the years, later, a trip to Kansas City where I was deliberately shunned by the two of them, pretenses and lies surrounding Mom’s moving in making demands followed by abusive behavior encouraged by my sister, and being excluded from the family reunions that I organized for my brother and again when my daughter got married, and the list continues from there only getting longer the longer I stayed and put up with it. Still I stayed and contributed but the knowledge that I need to give back to those who do love and appreciate me, for being me, and do not have ulterior motives as to how to best use me, has made my decision an easy one, at long last.

I do not write this to encourage or discourage anyone else from knowing when and if the time is ever right to leave a relationship of any kind much less one that you feel is void of hope, but instead to put it out there and let you understand why a person can know and find joy on a daily basis, by making some of the toughest decisions that they will ever have to make. Being honest with ourselves and finding and evaluating our own mistakes are always a more difficult endeavor than doing it in others. I know and understand that for those who have never had to deal with abuse, it does sound ridiculous, to think walking away from it would ever be difficult. That is the point of my writing this entire group on guilt and taking responsibility. I want you to know if nobody else understands you, I do.

43 years after marrying my husband I realize that if he had hit me or had an affair I probably could have forgiven him, but I still would not have stayed, even though when I was young I never dreamt I would ever let anyone ever abuse me again,much less the same person who did when I was a child without letting her know exactly how badly she hurt me.

That would come approximately 30 years later and accelerate their vindictiveness. Since it was so out of character for me and I had a lot of ground to cover, I have no doubt that she must have felt a small amount of the pain I felt all those years. I did not expect acknowledgement of my hurt as no abusers ever will acknowledge they did anything wrong. It is the peace of mind I received in being able to finally face the truth that had went unspoken and denied for years, that matters most to me.

I made some of the family members irate when I did it,but I spoked for them as much as I did for myself. We were all meant to keep what we all had spoken about behind her back, for years,secret, as near as I can tell. In dysfunctional homes,it is rare if ever, that truth or mistakes are confronted or spoken about. It is always better to avoid “the elephant in the room” than it is to acknowledge its presence.

It took maturity on my part and knowing life is seldom as it seems until we live it, before I knew it was the total depletion of trust that would have destroyed our marriage vows. Since that is what it took to end my relationship with my mother, no doubt it would have with my husband as well. I am very fortunate that I got the good guy that I did choose and never had to be tested that way but some things we know in our hearts.

I’m a slow learner folks,when it comes to matters of the heart, but I do encourage all of you to make certain you know yourself well enough to know what it is that will allow you to walk away from or recognize when a hurtful relationship leaves no room for hope, and still feel joy on a daily basis, before you make that decision. Too often we are the losers when we make decisions based on hurt feelings or rash judgements.

No one certainly needs to put in 40 years as I did but I do not regret turning the other cheek either as it did convince me “That, that does not kill us, makes us stronger.” I do regret though that it did take my teen-age daughters to tell me,”Mom if you don’t stop her from mistreating you, we will lose all respect for you.” I would like to think had I had been wiser, I would have stopped it before the verbal abuse started up again. Other times I think sometimes it takes knowing 100% before we find the peace that comes along with giving our best. I take full responsibility at the same time that it was wrong-wrong-wrong for me to let it go on for that long and never would I repeat that mistake again, for the sake of those who truly do love me. Sadly abuse is always a contradiction and for that reason none of us should ever judge the confusion of the victims. All abusers are convincing manipulators and con artists.

I will jump a moment to political party as versus personal problems, since a great deal of todays upset also center around politics. I’m a much faster learner when I see what the right-wing conservatives and the Tea Party are doing towards drying up the United States Treasury in the interests of Wall Street and the Oil Companies. I know leaving party affiliation is as difficult to some as leaving our own family is. There is no possible reason, in my view, that anyone could trust any of them in the Republican Party, nor any of the right-wing who number a few in the Democratic Party. They simply are missing any foundation of trust that would allow equality for all or the middle class to exist in Democracy or to grow and I urge all to think before we vote. We must vote wisely and informed, for the sake of our Children and Grandchildren, “who love and need us.”

We all have our own response zone as to when to stay and when to leave. Those of you who think I was a fool for staying as long as I did, have every right to think as you do. I can promise you that some of my greatest supporters would agree with you:) Guilt held me and an inability to forgive myself because of my belief in the Commandments kept me going back for more.I finally realized the best way to “Honor” their last round of rejection was to honor and love her in silence, as two of my other siblings do. My soul needed to heal from the insanity of it all. I will always be grateful for the effort I made but even more grateful for the new-found freedom that I own.

I hope I covered the entire subject of guilt,responsibility and forgiving ourselves well enough over the last few weeks so it can help you if you are at a cross-road of indecision regardless who the person may be who you are struggling with or what group that relationship might be with.Denial of the stress it creates not only strips all of us of the joy we are entitled to but also can lead to an early grave. Good luck!
(even I am a bit over whelmed by the cliché’s in this post but they are often quoted for a reason:)

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It IS That Simple

If you have had the patience to bear with me these last several weeks, I thank you and I apologize to all of you who do understand already that life is about taking responsibility for our own behavior and worth. Unless we can accept our own errors and mistakes we cannot forgive ourselves. The great majority of us do not set out to defeat ourselves or others for that matter but we all do make mistakes because none of us are or ever will be perfect. In areas where we have dependents, as in minors, then we have an obligation as well as duty to guide them, as well.

We accomplish nothing in the way we feel about ourselves or others when we control other human beings. Adults who have already taken that message to heart and placed it into practice do not need to be told by boy or girl friends, husbands,wives, parents,siblings,neighbors or anyone else how they should behave, unless they ask for our advice.When adults assume their own responsibility and are not intruding on our own lives or shirking their responsibility, they do not need our constructive criticism, as what has worked for us, often fails others. We humans are made up of diversity and individualism and when we fail to act on that we fail ourselves. Where mutual respect is held, couples will discuss their differences instead of controlling their mates

Those of us who run-away-from or shirk our own duties and responsibilities, more times than not, need guidance that was failed us while growing up. Denial is the greatest offender followed by passing blame and excuses that any adult can and does fall back on. When we find that we have fallen into this pattern as adults, we do not go back to the people who failed us, to guide us, but instead we should seek out those who have been trained professionally to help us understand where we are failing.

As the old adage goes: “Any advice worth getting is worth paying for.” It is important, that we as parents, ask for and get that advice before we or our children come to the attention of law enforcement. If and when that fails then trust your own conscience and common sense or a good friend who has both if you are short on them or too closely related to the problem. If money is in short supply, there is always help offered through Human Services in our County and other State institutions. The Baker Law, allows all police officers to take anyone suffering from mental illness, regardless of age or income, to a hospital to get the kind of health care they need.

As a Society, it is our job to understand and know the difference between who does need our help and who does not. That decision will never be based on how much someone owns, weighs,what they wear,if their interests are different from our own, where they worship,what race they are, their gender affiliation,where they live, or how much they have in their wallet or purse. We need to be protective of both ourselves as well as our own communities through both common sense, as well as,looking for and finding fact. It is rare to find truth from gossip,jealously,those who hold a grudge or seek revenge or chronic liars. It is that simple!

We all should strive for living the best life we can live, by taking ownership of our own behavior,responsibility,judgments, and truths. We parents do need to take responsibility for those entrusted into our care, who are under 18. Our job as parents does not end until they are mature enough to leave home. We can not tell them,” to do as we say and not as we do,” since all children watch before they listen.

The example we set them in our speech,behavior and action or lack of it, will always be the strongest teacher for their lifetime.A simple example of what I am talking about is:Ambition does not come from watching people who have little to none, complain about working too hard. Laziness shows its own lack of purpose. It does us all well to understand that all teenagers still need guidance and we are the parents.

When we get that part of their life right, many will ask for our help later. Other times, too many parents fail to realize that it is when we do raise them to be independent,self-sufficient, and responsible for their own needs they will not need to ask for our advice. It does us all well to remember this, so our own feelings do not get bruised, when they do fail to ask for our help. Too many times families find themselves upset over what should be taken as a compliment to our own parenting skills. We need to know the difference between giving aid because we wish to, as versus our own need to manipulate or to control their lives. It is always easier knowing we did not rear adult children, who place demands on us or try to guilt us into feeling needed, so that we assume their responsibility.

We also need to be honest with ourselves when the care of our child requires more than what we can give them and seek help from those trained to help. We neither do ourselves a favor nor them a favor when we both end up dependent on welfare and bitter. Adults and children alike learn through their own failures and successes in life. We can only learn through the earlier character building years of their life, to what extent they do require help by being honest with both them and ourselves, as to how well we did prepare them to succeed. We should not have to pass laws to make parents, parent.

We all have the duty as well as the right to make life count as nothing will ever be that important in our or their lives,again. We need to forgive ourselves for our own mistakes and accept the reasoning behind why we did what we did in order for us to be able to forgive ourselves.Joy of life comes from being able to look our, own selves, in a mirror knowing we did give life and mankind our best and in being the one person we would most want to spend our time with. Everyone else who loves us for being who we are, the way we are, is just more frosting on the cake. When we have the peace and comfort of mind, knowing we have both learned the importance of good behavior, as well as, taught it to others,through our own actions, then we will all find our own joy and peace of mind. It is that simple!

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Releasing Ourselves From Guilt

In my last post entitled,”Guilt–A Heavy Burden To Carry,”I spoke about human frailties and “beating ourselves up over our behavior”. In explanation of what I meant, I offer this example: If we place a dog in a cage and keep poking it with a stick, when he does get free and bites us, isn’t it our behavior that leads to the attack? In many cases we are and will be provoked into reacting or acting in a way that we are not always proud of, and to carry guilt for years under these circumstances, that ultimately leads to the lessening of our own joy, as well as, those who depend on us or love us in life, is ludicrous.

We can go another step farther in this understanding: Once we do become an adult(age 17 to 18 if we leave home and 21 if we remain at home, in most States) and we allow another adult to control,intimidate, or manipulate our thoughts,conversation, and behavior, we are equally at fault. We are no less culpable, under these circumstances, than if we were poking them with a stick, as well. I exclude the criminal element in this post and any statement throughout. I have advocated for tougher laws against rape without time expiration, so children can face their abusers as adults, for years. We are All victims of crime regardless of age. We have no blame nor should we blame ourselves when it comes to crime and being victimized.

Equality of all adult human beings and human rights are entitlements of all Americans and equality of the races and genders, is not in the hands of any of us to control or to contain,other than ourselves when it pertains to our own lives and adult relationships unless we are victimized by crime. When the behavior becomes abusive it is illegal behavior (as it is with all children below 17 to 18). All ministers,Rabiies,Priest,Social Services personnel,medical personnel,firemen,schools, government employees, and policemen have a legal duty to report abuse of all ages. As an adult American, no person can abuse us,without our permission and without facing criminal charges. All children under 17 to 18 are automatically victims of abuse because they do not have the ability to give or with hold consent.

Just as too many people burden themselves with guilt, an equally large of a number, will excuse themselves from taking responsibility for their own failure to behave, appropriately, and too often it does lead to our own or others’ suffering. People who have thoughts of hate,revenge, or any negative emotions are not listening to their conscience but instead have chosen to shut out their conscience in favor of finding or passing blame and excuses. Why is it so much easier for many of us to find fault and try to correct it in others than it is to find it in ourselves? Too many people will take advantage of another’s’ vulnerability as well as blame their mate for driving them into the arms of another. Owning our own behavior is a necessary part of maturity in order to find the joy that we all seek.

Not all guilt requires professional help and many will find, “confession of the soul” and making amends to the injured party, brings with it the same release. Too many will try to buy someone or themselves something in order to make amends instead of making a conscious effort to accept responsibility for their own behavior.All the shopping trips and owning every pair of shoes in the Shoe store will not make guilt go away. Instead debt only adds to guilt. When we try to buy away or purchase guilt, we seldom ever learn from our mistakes.We do need to confront our own behavior, without looking for or finding excuses or blame in others, to replace our own guilt or responsibility. In the words of Harry S Truman, “the buck stops here.”

It is said that people in prison need to live on two emotions only, in an effort to survive the most dangerous of prison life, and those are fear and rage. When we lock ourselves up in our own prisons, then only we can set ourself free from the negative emotions that often follow our lack of taking responsibility. It is never “macho” or “cool” to be so afraid that we refuse to acknowledge our own weaknesses and refuse to get help when we are both following a destructive pattern in life as well as destroying our own joy, as well as, others’ right to live free from negative emotions.

Nothing is better in any of our lives than a clear conscience which makes it possible for us to rise each and every morning filled with Joy of another day. No one has the right or entitlement to give that or to take that away from us, but ourselves. Why people do, is between them and their “Maker.”

It is possible to live a guilt free life by simply resolving to never choose wrong over right and refusing to listen to anyone who tells us, our Elders, Ministers,Priests and Rabbi included,that it is sometimes right to lie,to protect our abusers, or choose to do that which our conscience tells us is wrong. Nor would any of them who are dedicated to helping us reach our Salvation, ask us to go against our own conscience. Certainly in Churches that use Prophesy or otherwise, God is never going to tell you or your minister that HE wants you to sleep with your minister. Sadly there has been cases reported going on over a hundred years, where this has happened, and how many have gone unreported?

No Churches’ reputation takes priority over we, ourselves, and especially our children being abused. It is the duty of the Church to eliminate the wrong doers and help us heal. If you are being told or have been told that it is your duty to protect the Church over your own or your child’s abuse, then report them before they hurt another, Our responsibility and duty is to protect ourselves and our children’ long term welfare. Churches are not shielded from the corrupt amongst us any different from other bodies ran by man and they can only become stronger and improve from within through the honesty of the people who attend and lead those particular Churches.

Personal Sacrifices are required in order for us to heal but none will ever include adultery,abuse or crime of any kind,instead we need to find change in ourselves, and it starts now, not tomorrow. There is a reason that we all have a conscience and that reason is, we need to listen to it. Not all people’s conscience run as deep as ours’, and for that reason alone we should not rely on the conscience of another over our own, nor do others find fault in doing wrong, but this does not excuse us from doing so, when applying it to our own responsibility and conscience.

I was watching the news last night and they were talking about removing the cameras at the red lights in L.A. that were catching people who ran the lights. They reported that people were not paying the fines so it was costing too much to justify using the cameras. The woman they were interviewing said,”If I knew people were not paying their fines, then I would not have paid mind either.” We do not release ourselves from guilt by telling ourselves, “everyone else is doing it, so why shouldn’t I?”

There is no better reward in life than what a clear conscience brings to us and our loved ones. Many times we will miss a step in life and need to start over because we are human beings prone to error, sometimes we need to let go of that which is the hardest to let go of, confronting ourselves head on in truth instead of excuses is not an easy challenge to take on, but all our efforts will be immensely rewarded once we do understand the difference between a guilty person as versus a happy person.

To deny ourselves or our loved ones the joy of appreciation, gratitude and equality while refusing them hope that we will at long last give up on our own guilt and bitterness, that has spread like a poison in their lives as well as our own, is our responsibility, when that is what we are doing as the adult in their lives and our own.

Feeding ourselves and loved ones guilt and all the lies that accompany it, for breakfast, instead of the joy of each new day, is too many times the biggest lie we will ever tell them or ourselves. Life is too grand and too short to continue even remotely close to this path if we are on it, not to mention playing “God” or “judge and jury” in the lives of others capable of making their own choices for their own circumstances.

It is time to change our paths with a whole new attitude of justice for both our loved ones and ourselves. The more eager we are to begin the sooner we will finish, but remember it is not an easy path that we are choosing, in the beginning. Often times people will cast stones,and sometimes leave in flocks, while we struggle with ourselves, to do the right thing. Many of the people would rather we be just like them over trying to improve ourselves. I repeat: It is not an easy path to take or to stay on.

The tendency in all of us to not find fault or criticize those who our own experience has told us, do not have a good word to say about anyone, is probably one of the hardest things to give up:)When we do realize that we are not so perfect either, it becomes easier each day. The great majority of people who do want to criticize someone do not appreciate hearing something good about the person they are picking apart. I’ve been yelled at and told,”Who appointed you everyone’s defense attorney.”chuckle Perhaps that is why I do like politics, as politicians are fair game to criticize as are the sanctimonious and pompous, who would over-rate their own significance.

The harder we work at taking responsibility for our own behavior, the greater the rewards.None of us can worm ourself out of guilt that our subconscious knows we created without our own forgiveness, no matter how hard we try to blame or make excuses because,”it is what it is.” To repeat Tony the tiger,”life is GRrrr-EAT!”when we make the choice to let go of guilt through positive effort of our own and through asking for all the help that we need. It is our own conscience and our own behavior that needs all of our attention and help. It is one of the best habits that we will ever form. We will not achieve our own success of peace of mind and Joy on a daily basis by making judgements or finding faults in the conscience of others.

We need to first be comfortable with ourselves in order to recognize the value of others, as well as, ourselves. It is when we recognize our own struggles and value we learn to appreciate the diversity, tenacity, and the “Never Say Die” of the American Spirit and how important we all are to its as well as our own survival. For the most part, most of us are not so bad to have around:)

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Christian Religion In Denial

We hear all the time about the leftists or the liberals being on the attack against Christianity,Christianity in crises, and various degrees of fault and blame being passed around in the community, as to why Christian Religion is losing it’s connection to the people. Never do we hear much of anything about the failure of the Religious leaders,taking responsibility for creating the problems within the Churches,themselves.

This is part of the reason that Churches are not fulfilling the need of its parishioners. People should never be afraid to question their Church, for fear they will be excommunicated or attacked for doing so. The more we question, the deeper our faith does become. Without questioning our own religion, we can not really develop faith. Giving or receiving answers that have been written,told,brow beaten, or brainwashed into us by somone else, does not mean we have faith. Faith is a deep abiding belief that lies deeply in our souls, that we know individually, to be the truth. It is our own private relationship then, with God and or Jesus, if we are Christian.

As mankind learns more about itself, churches can no longer cling to sin. If what was once considered sin, has been proven to exist due to birth, to mental illness, or a long-lost instinct in mankind, that dates back to the survival of cavemen, then the Churches can not simply change the history books or deny science its rightful place in society, as it has done in the past.

Christ was not so much about preaching against sin, nor pointing out sinners, as He was about charity and forgiveness. As long as Christians preach hell and damnation over charity and forgiveness they will chase off their own followers. One religion stands out in my mind,especially, when it comes to its’ ministers preaching against attendees who will go to hell or are evil, at the same time a family is grieving and burying their dead. Can we deny that this is the fault of anyone, other than the Church itself, if it’s members choose to leave it? They cannot blame the fact that it is because people no longer will sacrifice for their faith, or it is the influence of the left, or society in general has done it. As Free citizens, who have been granted equality by our Constitution, religion cannot deny us the same.

The days of blind faith being brought back by brainwashing children in summer camps, may work temporarily but long-term, it too will fail. The Churches own involvement in politics, business and its own infighting amongst the different and variable Christian beliefs, has robbed it of credibility. When Christians unite, in one Church with its splinter groups of both Evangelicals and Fundamentalist, as other religions have, then the Christian faith will be empowered to lead again.

It is impossible to watch Christians fight over who will go to hell and who will not, according to the different Churches’ belief systems, and not come away disillusioned by the idea,when we all believe in the same God and Jesus. We all decide to what extent we will make personal sacrifices for Him, according to whether the Church we belong to dictates it or not. We have developed independence and refined the ability to think for ourselves over that of our ancestors. If we are not granted our rights to free will and knowledge, granted to us both by God and our constitution we will pick and choose another faith that allows the same. That does not make us atheist,liberal or sinners. It only deepens our own resolve in our relationship with God as well as gives each of us the choice to choose how we will worship Our Redeemer.

Churches quickly learned that by forcing tithing and by loading up their followers’ farm animals or collateral against the tithing they would lose more followers than they kept. How can mankind decide who will burn in hell and who will not. As we advance in knowledge, we become more aware of our own sense of right and wrong. Communications have opened up a much broader realization of the world around us and whereas parishioners use to see the priest or minister as being infallible and a spokes person for God we now recognise that they are people learned in theology, struggling just as we are, and are teachers rather than God’s replacement. I repeat, it is when we learn the courage to question our own Religion through our own convictions, is when we find a lasting faith, in our relationship with God and Jesus.

The Churches of America, made a serious mistake, when they decided to throw out man’s law for God’s law and entered into politics and business, in my opinion. The days of pulpit worship have left us and will no longer allow for religion being above the law. It is through our own example that we lead and the example sit by the Churches do not and will not inspire Faith until they do realize that the real need of religion, is to forgive and offer comfort,without sitting in judgement, as Christ taught.

We have a greater need than ever to want our religious leaders to counsel us in ways of compassion and practicing what they preach. We see way too much hypocrisy in our own families,fellow workers,politicians and daily lives to want to see it in our Churches as well. When the Churches understand that our need for Truth of our spiritual peace and therefore religion is at an all time high, then religion will return to its’ own rightful place of respect, by hearing our needs first.

No One, and I do mean no one, gets a free ride any longer. Every few centuries the Churches have had to revamp themselves to fit the needs of their followers more effectively. That is not always a bad thing, as it does force all of us to earn our rightful place in Society and brings balance without passing the buck, judging, or pointing the finger at the next religion or person. Religion still has and aways will have, a great need to fullfill in our lives as well as to serve, as long as it is willing to humble itself enough to get back to serving the needs and equalities of All of God’s children.

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Emotional Beginnings To Disability

So often people are injured or diseased and do not have a chance to even contemplate their life, prior to needing physical aides, in order to maintain independence in their lives. As a rule family members are so grateful, many times, that they still have their husband,son,daughter,wife or loved ones alive, that they dismiss the emotions of the victim.

All of medicine is notorious towards the lack of compassion shown the emotional pain of a disabled person, unless they are injured doing a heroic deed, in comparison to families who have lost a loved one. The research that goes into crippling disease along side of life threatening disease is a disgrace around the world. The religious tell us to pray, ask for mercy or to give thanks for being alive at a time we aren’t sure ourselves, we are better off being alive.

When Dr. Kervorkian seemed to be the only Doctor that understood and listened on this issue, he was eventually sent to prison to serve out a jail term because he, and he alone, heard people when they said, “it would be better for them to die than to suffer the disabling disease”, that would cause them to suffer but allow them to live. When a patient becomes terminally ill most compassionate Doctors will allow a patient to end their suffering by prescribing a morphine patch that will kill them, if and when they are ready.

Many religious beliefs, from the mystics to the common person on the street, hold that pain is as a result of Satan and we must have done something bad to deserve living in pain. So common is the belief that disabled people do it to themselves, that some people hold genuine hate for the disabled. Is it any wonder then, when people left on their own to work through their own pain often choose suicide? After all, we have the majority of doctors saying, “the only reason that Dr. Kervorkian’s patients chose death over life was because they were depressed.”

Never do we hear, unless it is terminal or caused as a result of a heroic act, that the pain was more than anyone could bear and unfortunately medicine still has a long way to go when treating pain, or finding Dr.s willing to treat it effectively. Our loved ones may hear it, after we are gone, but we will never hear it ourselves.

Who in their right mind would not be depressed when people that we should be able to count on from Church,to medicine,to friends, to family would rather blame, undertreat, pretend to understand, or act indifferent to it all, over trying to listen and understand? Throwing a pill at everything is not always the answer either, sometimes surgery or acknowledging ignorance or fault of your own will go a long way.

Regardless of the truth of disability, mankind has built within them, the unique Blessing and gift to survive. It is true that both depression as well as anger do follow through with pain. We do feel we are being rejected by people we should be able to count on. Many times it does become our responsibility to tell Doctors how to treat us, convince our loved ones we are fine when we are not sure we can go on another minute. Many times in their excitement to have us alive or for having saved our life, they will totally dismiss we are grieving our loss of limb or normal pain-free body. Many times we do not know it ourselves.

I don’t care if those of us that are disabled are over-weight, smoke, drove too fast, inherited a familial disorder that went misdiagnosed, or worked at a high risk job. The exact same way a family does not get up in the morning and thinks today their loved one will die, neither does the victim of disability believe that it can happen to them.

Somewhere, along the line, we have become such a physical fit, fear filled, or diet conscious society that we have lost all compassion or empathy for those that do suffer. If you are relating to this as you read it, let me assure you that with time and healing and placing one foot in front of another we who do become disabled, often are the lucky ones.

Unlike, all the others that probably are telling you how to better deal with your disability, I will leave it up to you, to discover how and why disabled people could possibly be the lucky ones. The Blessings are many as are the numbers that do understand and do think you will make it to where we are so that you too do know and understand. Good luck and make each day count more, when you are up to it!

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Power Chair Versus Electric Scooter

When the time came that I was no longer willing to depend on being pushed in a regular wheel chair in order to maintain a length with normalcy, I was sent to the physical therapist by my Doctor to be measured for a power chair. Naive as I was, I did not know or understand the options available to me so I will try to educate those of you that are in the position I was in.

My particular disease will allow for sporadic walking, currently. This means I can walk to a table and be seated or go through a small antique store or do limited walking and standing with a cane, and with the knowledge that I have to be willing to suffer pain and discomfort in doing so. Due to injury to my arms as well as my legs as a result of both lower and upper spine deterioration, I am not able to use the large wheeled hand-operated wheelchair that I can empower myself. I would definitely encourage this mode of transportation for those that still have upper body strength as muscles that are not used are lost.

I have since learned more about the availability of what I like to refer to as toys available to the disabled and will give you my take on both. Unless you get a foldable power chair that will break down or fold up and be placed into a trunk of a car you will need both a van and a lift of some type to put the chair into the van. In my case since I and my husband both are taller than normal, it required a custom van that would allow for standing. Regardless of the type of lift you do get, they have not yet perfected them to run consistently with the doors opening effectively each time. If you go this route, you soon learn to only enter or exit on a flat service, for more operable use of both.

Although I have never had the foldable or take apart power chair, I have checked into them and tried them out but found, in my opinion, for them to be fairly cheaply made and the price difference reflects that. Power chairs when recommended by Dr.s are paid for by the Insurance Companies. Medicare rarely if ever pays for them. The other large difference between the foldable light weight power chair and the regular power chair, is the lack of speed and power to both climb and dislodge from ruts, since in order for the light weight chair to be loaded by hand. it takes considerably smaller batteries to run.

A typical power chair that needs a lift weighs in at approximately 250 pounds due to larger and heavier duty batteries, whereas a portable or foldable one can weigh as little as 40 pounds. I applaud the power chair business that works with the medical field in developing the power chair as I have had little to no problems with the standard chair that requires a lift.

Scooter companies, I also own a scooter, works as a retail outlet and it becomes important that we understand like all retail companies there are good and not so good ones. Check out a consumers report site or magazine on the ones ranked the best before buying. Although there are also foldable and breakdown (can be taken apart without tools) in the scooters they also have the same power deficiencies as the power chair when it comes to both power and speed, when they are of the light weight variety. Scooters with three wheels will turn in a smaller circle than with the 4 wheels but they also are more susceptible to upsetting if turned too sharply.

If we want to use our chairs and scooters outdoors on more rugged terrain or on a beach the standard size chair and scooter are going to be a must. If you only need a scooter or chair to shop or enter casinos,businesses or Church then the foldable or break-apart will perhaps suffice, but I repeat that they do not have the power to pull or become dislodged from what sometimes is nothing more than a small rut and they can not be pushed beyond the power of the battery to pull itself out of the hole.

The standard power chair will meet all requirements for any need for the disabled but the aggravation of trying to get a lift and automatic doors to respond can be and is a consistent problem when using them. We have had to remove both bolts and carry a rope in order to tie doors shut or to crank in the lift. This is simply something that most disabled people are not capable of doing since most of us cannot bend sufficiently,get up and down off of a floor, or are paralyzed. I would also warn that all power chairs have hollow tires with tubes much as a bicycle and they can be or are punctured by nails,Texas sand burrs, glass etc. The scooters are solid rubber tires and do not ever go flat.

I much prefer the power chair to the scooter as they do turn on a dime and can get in and out of places a scooter will never be able to get in and out of. I was fortunate that I was steered to go that direction first. The custom van (some people may be able to make a standard van work) will run between $55,000 to $60,000 and this is money a great many people simply do not have. There is State aid of some type, I did not look into it, for the lifts but we are all on our own to raise the money for our vans.

All scooters, even when they are not advertised to be, are able to be taken apart, as a rule. They are idea to do outdoor activities as they can be both hand loaded when taken apart in 4 easy pieces, and have both fairly good power and speed if they are of the more heavy-duty type. Since the tires are made of solid hard rubber they never go flat. They are not covered by health insurance, as a rule, and need to be paid for out of our own pockets.

They are much less expensive and need a wide berth to turn, especially when using the four wheel. If we try to shop with a scooter we will need to be prepared to back up when there is traffic in the aisle as versus turning around as we can with the chair. The scooters however, are able to get in and out of a single door easier that the power chair. For the most part, the scooter is more of a transportation need and requires far less dollar output but is not to be mistaken for use where medical requirements are needed for the use of a chair.

Since it does not require the same level place to both load and unload due to the fact that there is no lift required, I much prefer taking the scooter on vacation with me, and using the power chair for shopping. It is a personal choice on my part.

I still use strictly a cane or canes while in and around my home, with the advantage of carrying a lightweight stool, and recommend that everyone that can, devise a system for themselves, that will give them better ability to develop over-all muscle strength, when possible. Any time spent out of both the scooter or chair will prolong our own ability to perform for ourselves as well as others, when possible, as well as maintain our own independence. Although both the electric scooter and powerchair will give us much more freedom outside of our homes and enable us to live more independently from requiring help from others. I hope I have offered you some help here, as I found very little to none, when I needed to know the difference.

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The Damaging Results Of Negativity

As we watch the miners coming up last night and today,one can quickly see, what one day of negativity could have done to the lives of 33 men and their families. If at anytime the people responsible for their rescue had thrown up their hands and said it is useless to move ahead or the miners had of developed the attitude it is pointless, we would not now be watching such miraculous results as we are watching at this moment.

We watch all the time, the amazing ability of the human spirit to not only remain hopeful, but to flourish under the most dismal aspects that life hands it. The best of what mankind both knows and does comes to light in these kinds of circumstances, for the World to see.

No matter the tragedy, almost always, it is the American ‘know how’ and our amazing generosity of both spirit and wallet that makes these rescues possible. America both survives and conquers on its ability to “never say never” regardless of where the needs of our Country are called. The positive spirit and government of the Chilean people, most definitely, deserve the credit for the outcome of today because without their same ability to remain hopeful,the rescue would never had taken place and I do not mean to promote Americans being there over their own knowledge and commitment to these brave men.

We, Americans need to go back to the day in our own Country, prior to the Bush years, where we were united and positive about our future both as Americans and individual citizens by stopping the slandering and hate that is being heard at the greatest dimensions in America today. If for more than a moment we could let loose of the negativity that seems to be devouring both our Country and our lives and understand the damage it is doing to us both on a National and personal level then maybe we could all get back to making and obligating ourselves to the true commitments that do and always will matter in our own lives.

What we are watching in Chile is what America has always been and will continue being, despite those who will continue with the lies,hate and negativity that tries to destroy rather than build us as a Nation.

America as well as Americans have been in difficult straits before and have come back the victors. It is time we stop the greed,lies, hate and negativity, seen in a number of so-called grassroots organizations as well as special interests groups, that threatens to destroy us. Unless we get out and vote and vote responsibly we will not silence those that would destroy us through their own greed and negativity. The privilege of Americans to both vote and elect their own politicians is second to none and both admired and envied throughout the world. Exercise it November 2nd.

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