How Much Do We Need To Know?

I was watching a cable network show the other day, and the question asked of the viewing public was,”When will the government tell us the truth about the Iraq War?”,there were a various number of answers and of course the ever stupid one blaming OBama, but in truth just how much do we need to know?

Those of us who do not bore ourselves with research,read, or study foreign policy probably did not understand that British Petroleum owns 66% of Iraq oil rights and American Corporations owns 18% with Iraq having more oil than, any Country in the Middle East. American oil reserves were at one of the lowest if not the lowest before we went into Iraq. Since we had sanctions against Saddam Hussein he was refusing or making it difficult at least for British Petroleum and American oil companies to get their oil out to the refineries.

Cheney served on the board of Halliburton for years, before becoming Vice President and I believe history will show that he spear-headed the movement into Iraq and the war as plenty have indicated the same. Once an oil man always an oil man is fairly common as with most other occupations. Our other allies did not go to war with us because it was a commerce problem not a problem for war.The American people as well as members of the military, Congress and the Senate were incorrectly led to believe that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction and when none were found just as the people on the ground, whose job it was to report back to the U.N., had told the United Nations previously before our going to war, then the people were lied to and told they had faulty information.

Since I did know this,as I regularly check out foreign policy.gov, and I believe that oil is no excuse to go to war, I was very much against the war in Iraq. I believe unless the people or our allies ask us for help, as the Libya people did, we should remain neutral other than when we are attacked on our soil or the soil of our allies or for humane reasons when we are asked to intercede.

America was very much justified to go into Afghanistan and Pakistan,once we had been attacked as we were by Osama Ben Laden. I believe we are justified, to enter any country to eliminate him. I am neither a Pacifist or a Hawk, but I do believe that America should and does have a right to eliminate injustice when asked by those who need our help, since we have the most superior of all military in the World. However after once entering and they feel confidant to continue as Iraq did, we do need to leave when they ask us to. Many times communications or sanctions can solve more than war, and we owe it to our young men and women to open up communications before going to war.

Although I would never advocate that the American voter bury their heads in the sand, or not educate themselves, before going to the polls to vote on the candidates, who do run for office, a great deal of American interests does need to remain in secret in order to better protect our own shores from terrorism,to safeguard our military personnel over-seas, and to serve Democracy. It is no different from a drug bust ever being made, a murder solved, a chop-shop broken up or any crime solved, if the press and criminals were all aware of what the authorities were doing.

The important thing is that our military, regardless of what they were told, fought with honor and after leaving Kuwait today, will all be home, with the exception of 160 troops who are still training the Iraqi troops and those who will remain to protect our Embassy, in Iraq. We need to understand that those who have and are coming home, in so many ways, their war is still going on and may continue doing so for years, while they battle against both physical and emotional wounds. Their families who are making the adjustments and who sacrificed right along with them, will learn as all war families do, that a different person from whom they knew, has returned home. We Americans must never forget their sacrifice when or if the legislatures try to dismiss the long-term care that many will need and have earned.

Our men and women fought with honor, in many cases, to save and spare their own comrades while the great majority of we Americans went on with our lives. It is now time that we rise to the occasion of meeting their needs. We all must remember that 1/3 of our homeless are military vets, when we take umbrage with the poor, and fight for them, when they can no longer fight for themselves.

Before you accuse me of seeing UFO’s and or The Loch Ness Monster, since the Day of the Trojan Horse, much of what has been told to the people, is not always as is, when it comes to matters of war. Even the Civil War began as a war over secession over high tariffs charged by the North to the South and later changed to a war over slavery.For those who think the movies resemble war-time then we all need to reassess reality. There has been much conversation, about the drone that was lost by the CIA into Iran. So much of espionage looks different to the civilian population than it does to those who do know exactly what they are doing.

Because the press sometimes keeps us too well-informed, I can simply say, if I was Iran, I would at least take the smirk off of my face if not consider destroying it, rather than risk the fact that it wasn’t a deliberate “Oops” moment. Do we even know if it is fully equipped or with what or was it set down to mislead? It would not be the first spy plane, that was set down to mislead those we were at war with. I acknowledge that it also may not be anything less than reported, but we too quickly want to believe the worse in the news about OBama or are too quick to accept the spin doctors who promote or pay for the lies that we hear, instead of realizing none of us know a damn thing, if we do not ever question what we read or hear.

A good example of what is currently being reported as fact is that the Republicans are expounding and that is that the Keystone pipeline will produce 20,000 jobs and not cause the American tax payers anything. The truth is the Company itself as well as Cornell University, who makes a point of checking the facts out, says it will produce 6500 part-time jobs and lead to 50 permanent jobs while the Republicans continue to hold up the tax break to the middle class tax payers, without the Keystone Pipeline included.

I think it does us all well to remember:”that a great deal of what we don’t know, does not hurt us,” when we are ignorant of those who do protect our best interest in the World. The inter-net along with some establishment owned networks, some cable television news,radio air ways and print owned by Murdoch and the establishment make it a habit to spin the truth to those of us who would remain better off not knowing their brand of so-called truth. Let’s face it,most of all the lies we hear, even when it is not on the inter-net,media, newsprint or from a politician, do come from an insecurity complex or a narcissist, or an ego or the establishment. As teenagers we seem to know this and sadly, as adults we resign ourselves to accepting it,or worse yet, go into denial and believe the lies.

What we all need to remember is just where our priorities should be and what we should make a point to know and that is during this Christmas, or if you prefer Holiday Season, our goals need to be “Goodwill towards our fellow-man, woman and child,who are in need and or suffering whether it be our own family or our neighbors, and especially that our thoughts and prayers go out to all of our military families.”

I will use this medium to tell all military families.”Thanks to you all” for your service and sacrifices for us, and speaking for myself,I greatly appreciate your heroism, even though I was against the reason we went to war, I am capable of admitting that I was wrong, when I hear about the dreadful treatment suffered by the people under Saddam Hussein.

I just like some of you,would have felt better about the sacrifices you were asked to make, if America had gone to war for humane reasons or if the Iraqi people had asked us to come in, and without the lie of weapons. I have lived enough years to know that even when life may look its darkest or the reasoning behind it is not always sound, more times than not, another door will open and flood brightly with light on the justice of it all. It will all make sense with time, when the press stops reporting the negatives and lies against Obama being weak, and catches on to the protection Iraq will have as an ally of America. War is hell and rare has it been when the troops left, they did not feel the quilt of leaving behind the misplaced people.

The possibility of having a new ally sitting between Israel and Iran, not to mention getting rid of a cruel dictator, is already telling us your time was worth much more than perhaps you can now appreciate, as you gave us more than any of us dared hope for more than a decade ago when Saddam Hussein turned against America, after we set him up with technology and weapons. The potential for a civil war looms great, and I ask patience of us all, while the Kurds, Sunni and Shiites fight for supremacy, as I know it will be hard on the Iraqi people and require more sacrifice on their part, as well. Once there is a victor, then we will begin to see your sacrifices recognized, right along with theirs’.

Once trade opens up between our two Countries and the American people see our economy turn around because Corporations will be forced into hiring back the workers out of need to produce, as we join with our ally in shared interest of rebuilding Iraq and bringing security back to the Iraqi people, then your efforts will become a part of the history you sacrificed for, and the naysayers will know just how much you did contribute to the American welfare, on the back of your own suffering. What the politicians could not accomplish you will accomplish and we will all be better Blessed for your sacrifices.

I am confident that we learned our lessons from what happened with Saddam Hussein and have another chance to be more firm, observant and ever watchful, thanks to your sacrifices. Never forget,” your second wind.” as those of us who care, respect you when you lose sight of it. God Bless you all and again, Thanks! Welcome home where you belong!

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It Is What It Is

Yesterday when the Senator from California said it made as much sense to hold all of the Muslim Faith responsible for the Taliban as it does to hold the 700 Club responsible for the Aryan Nation, or words to that effect, the Representative of Florida Family Ass. started spouting off against the Senator infringing on religion’s constitutional rights. Before this he was justifying his groups right to put pressure on Lowes to withdraw their ads on the All American Muslims show while bragging about having effectively stopped Home Depot from doing the same.

Lets make something perfectly clear:In America wrong is wrong. If you are a member of the Westboro Baptist Church showing up at a trial to defend the murder’s right to kill a gay person or to protest your hate at the funerals of military war heroes, you will be listed on the hate crime list. No one in America is above the law when it comes to promoting hate or when it comes to promoting murder anymore than they are when they promote bigotry. The Aryan Nation sadly is not the only radical Christian religion that has killed and promotes White Supremacy or hate. No one religion has a Constitutional right to be protected against the truth when they promote and break the law against separation of Church and State.

What the Constitution does say is that Religion cannot promote one political candidate over another and that Churches clearly cannot enter into the political arena. Because some Churches set up other groups to promote their views, they claim not to be advising their congregations on who to vote for. Instead they use other areas such as film,videos, and documentaries that are expressly and purposely made to represent their views while telling them anything else they read or hear is a lie or they will use groups to promote the wishes of the Churches, in some cases, and other times they do preach from the pulpit the danger of risking one’s soul, if they do not vote for the Republican candidate and if they are not pro-life over a woman’s right to choose by law.

The law of separation of Church and State has flagrantly been broken and abused by Religion in the process of elections; Not to mention the transgression of their members’ civil rights. The Constitution specifically spells out that no Church can influence or otherwise act on, the way it’s members vote in the political process. What makes our Constitution so special is that it is clear that the law precedes and protects the Individual rights over all other groups or organizations.

If religion feels they are being unfairly attacked then they should do something about preventing the image and example that they themselves are establishing in America. No one gets to take advantage of the law or Constitution to strengthen their own views at an expense to others’ Constitutional rights, even if they think they can use God’s law against man’s law.

When we hear about religion being under attack it is because they are bringing it upon themselves by feeling, in most cases, they have a right and duty to speak out because God’s law is superior to man’s law, but when others report that they are breaking the law of the Constitution by interfering in elections or the civil rights of other Americans, then they scream discrimination against religious rights. To accuse Lowes of promoting terrorism and to attack the program American Muslims is very typical of these extremists who are interfering with the rights of all minorities.

If it was just a matter of speaking out for their candidates it would be bad enough, but the fact that they are given freedom from taxation and then put many millions of dollars into campaigning for their own views, it then becomes a gross over-step of the Constitution on their part.

At no time does the Constitution allow anyone group to break the law. I repeat:”No one is above the law in America” and when they show stupidity, bigotry, hate, or infringe on the rights of other American’s Constitutional rights with threats or fear tactics,it is and should be reported.

I applaud TLC for trying to bring clarity to what the Muslim Religion really is but as long as we have groups trying to teach their own brand of stupidity and hate in America, with threats, it is always going to be an uphill battle to stop this brand of propaganda and misguided mentality. Unless we do move to stop it with stronger legislation against this type of hate sadly,”It is what it is.”

The majority of, we Christians, do understand that hate does not have room in our hearts if we do call ourselves Christian and as such we deplore and work towards stopping the hate and bigotry that we do acknowledge exists in America, even if it is only one person at a time. The “skirt will win out over the pants”, or if you prefer “the brooms over the bats”,or since we have room to include both genders we can also say,” the real over the hypocrites”, as we work towards disenfranchising the hateful amongst us. When those who hate learn acceptance of the diversity in America and the value it brings to our Democracy then we will all begin living the Democracy all Americans have a right to live.
Re-elect OBama who has worked tirelessly for Democracy and the American middleclass, even though it has not always been popular with those who would defeat him, in 2012.

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To Whom It May concern:

Although, I welcome all different types of opinions and comments, I will not accept any ping backs from anyone or any site. If you wish to comment on any post I write, I welcome your opinion.

Thank you for respecting my right to deny all ping backs and not wasting your time or mind. Have a good day everyone and make it matter!

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Successful Families

I have written about families who do not succeed, as obviously families who do and have been successful,clearly know and understand the value of taking responsibility for their own lives, and will continue doing just fine without the financial or moral advice of others, as long as other family members understand that they still need and want as much acceptance as the other member or members of the family, who do or does not achieve,at the same rate.

Successful families will spend as much time offering genuine congratulations as they will sympathy.They gain hope for themselves through the success of the other members who have made it, if that is their goal. If they know and are honest with themselves, that they will never achieve the same, because they have different goals or priorities,not to mention spending habits, they do not begrudge the success of their siblings. Money will never pass the hands of the adult members unless it is given of the free will and clear thinking of a family member in form of a Birthday or Christmas gift.

If we do give money or help, it is because we want to and not because we feel manipulated into doing so,but we do it with the acceptance of everyone involved. It needs to be money given freely that will not lead to our own hardships, later,if we do find we need the money. Families will help out when a member of the family has an emergency, due to a car breaking down, illness,moving,fires, or once in a life-time or extremely rare layoff,etc., when they are able to help, as long as, it does not take their life savings.

I haven’t come close to even skimming the surface, of truly painful dysfunctions in families, who do not even rate on the scale of remote acceptance, when it comes to family values. These family members have no regard for anyone beyond where they are going to get their next fix and how they will find the money to do so,even when it comes to stealing from family members or prostituting out their own spouse or children or themselves. Yet parents will blindly aid and abet them at a price or lost to the entire family. They will only get better,many times when they are arrested or sent to rehabilitation. At the other end of the spectrum are those who are so greedy they would sell their own mother, if they could make a profit on it. Instead I have pretty much stayed with what has been common in families over the generations, when families fail to last.

Where no member feels justified or entitled to borrow money, or money never enters the picture because of manipulation or guilt,much less where borrowing becomes habit,families eliminate the number one cause of families failing. The number two cause of failure is finding fault and passing blame and making assumptions based on the sense of entitlement. When families fail to understand that Mom and Dad do not owe us money for our childhood nor do we owe them money for it,unless a formal loan was made by word of mouth or contract, and parents do not make their children compete for their time and attention through the use of failure, while success goes unrewarded,families do work out and last.

The reason I have expressed taking responsibility for ourselves, when we become adults and it is time to move on, is because many times it is the child that fails in doing so, that parents feel most protective of defending. We parents do wear blinders, many times, in not understanding the damage we do to our own families when we feel the need to make the weak member of the household ,our favorites. To express that this child is and has always been our favorite, only adds flame to the fire, when the other children have never asked anything of us, but instead have only offered to help us when we needed help.

Successful families do not have a parent or child in it that is lying, in order to get attention or sympathy, in order to come out as the most favored child or sibling,they do not disown or exclude a member of the family from family gatherings,or lie to buy drugs, or lie to cover for the fact they have a spending problem,to cover for their gambling,or because they simply fail to work long enough and hard enough to reach their own goals through saving,etc. Successful families do not use their failures or claim to be the most unfortunate member of the family, in order to blackmail their parents or to play on their parents guilt.

Successful families are not made responsible for the sibling who fails to live within the boundaries of the income they earn. Successful families are accepting of our differences, over being critical of them. Successful families understand that we will each be tested in our own range of life and our tests of life do not need to be compared with theirs.

It is not uncommon that those who are tested the most severe, are often the most grateful amongst us as well as the last to complain about their hardship. They can and do appreciate the lesson that has been taught them and the value of having learned the lesson. Successful families will make room for the spouses of each family member, to express their own minds.Successful families are those who if they choose to marry, will understand that the wife deals with the issues in her family while the husband deals with the issues in his family but they come first, when it comes to communicating between the two, if and when problems arise.

I could go on forever, and not touch all the reasons why families fail or succeed, but for the most part when assumptions are made by us and other members of the family fail to live up to our expectations or demands, and we end up disappointed as a result of our own erroneous ideas, and when we place conditions on our love, then our families will enter the danger zone that does lead to failure.

Unconditional love and acceptance of our differences given freely without strings attached or expectations in return,garnered with respect for each member by all members who have not suffered hardship as a result of the behavior of another, will be behind the reason, families succeed.Pretty simple when we think about it, but if our family has a member in it, who will obsess over the sinfulness of Santa Claus, then we need to make certain our minds are as open as our hearts or understand at what point or level of abuse, will we be justified in walking away.

We need to understand we cannot control others or make decisions for them and each decision we make needs to be an individual decision based on our own thought process and made for ourselves,in an effort to spare our own sanity through truth and in avoidance of denial as well as our own physical well-being,sometimes for the survival of our own marriage or other times for the safeguard of our minor children.

MY hope then is that we all remember when we gather this weekend for an enjoyable Labor Day celebration to Truly celebrate what we love about each other and stay away from assumptions or anything that will divide us, and we will all do fine. The major thing to bear in mind is,”It is a camping trip”. Someone will forget something,someone will not always move at the speed that we would like,children living in close quarters are more apt to argue as are parents,there will be tears and bites but we hope the tears are not coming from the adults, and the number one thing to remember is,”Just think how nice it will be to be back home into the routine we complained about before we left to go camping.” If you are spending it elsewhere, without extended family, then enjoy the last break before the snow or rain flies with the cold. Have a safe but enjoyable trip,everyone!

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Respecting Our Differences

How many times do we hear parents say,”They may look-alike but none of them act the same,”in families, and yet we try to force identical behavior on all of the children. I understand the necessity to set rules and boundaries in our homes,in order to maintain equality for all the members of the family. I do not dispute the need to do so.

What I am talking about is how too many times we try to pin point each child into following the example of the child, that parents often pick,out of the family. More times than not it will be the oldest son or daughter of the home. There is even the philosophy or belief that exist, “raise the first child right and all the rest will follow.” Other times if parents find the oldest un-cooperative then they will pick the most submissive and hold her or him up as their favorite child or the example of the family, that the rest of the children need to follow.

We always do better as parents if we set the example that the children are to follow, instead of putting perfection on another child in the household. Too often the behavior of the child, is anything but perfection, but in a parents’ need to think they are raising the perfect child, they often blame that child more harshly, when they do prove that they are just a normal child and do and will make mistakes like all the rest of the children.

Other times parents are so intent in believing that this child is perfect that they will never make them take responsibility for their own mistakes or failures. In short parents will go into denial and refuse to believe anyone, who does not agree with their own estimation of their child. This will sometimes even include law enforcement, when they show up, and still these parents will deny this child made a mistake. It will always be the fault of another instead.

I think most people do understand the damage that parents do when they set their children against each other to compete for their approval or love, but sadly, it still does not stop that form of parenting ,in some cases. To call ourselves good parents when we will not tolerate anything beyond what we establish as “black and white”, reality, is an exaggeration of the word, “good.”

Just as we parents acknowledge, our children are all different, they will also excel in different areas of their life. The differences in maturity also tell us the need to raise our children as the individual they are. To simply pick out a child and expect the rest to follow the same behavior will only backfire and disappoint both them as well as ourselves. It is when we try to force a child into an image, we conceive, that we will have children who will rebel and often become the so-called,”losers”, that the parents have labeled them to be.

It can become very destructive to the families’ unity, when the child who disagrees with the parents has higher standards and becomes the real success of the family, instead, and they were not the “chosen one.”Sadly, there will always be families who would rather be right than to have a child of theirs’ prove their own judgment to be wrong, regardless how successful of a person, that child becomes. In cases where the entire family follows the lead of the parent, the child who feels differently in their belief system from the rest, will many times be branded by the siblings, especially when jealousy plays a role, no differently from the way the parents will brand the child,as well.

Just as adults have different ideas and opinions as well as different taste and some mature while others never do, the same is true of our children. If one of our children excels at sports and the other as a painter or writer, too many times fathers especially, will treat the son who enjoys something different from he did, as a child in the home who he simply shares the home with. Other times men will argue “they are girls. What do I know about shopping or volley ball?”

Mothers on the other hand, sometimes, will claim that they are just too nervous to watch sports while indulging the son or daughter who will go shopping with her. Other times it is the mothers who would not miss one of their child’s sports activities but will fail to show up at another child’s piano recital or the reverse. Children need equal time and attention from their parents and we cannot simply substitute our time by replacing it with an older sibling. If they fail to become a “mini Me” and instead find interests of their own, we need to keep our own disappointment out of it, and instead support them.

When we become lost in our own lives,children will misbehave, if they find that is the only way they can get our attention. Fathers cannot continuously expect mothers to cover for them in their child’s activities or the reverse, and not expect that at some point their child or children will act out their disappointment, as well.

To be good parents we all need to understand that our children will choose what interests them and when they do, our role is to support each child with the same amount of concern and interests that we show those who share our interests. If we cannot be enthusiastic just for the sake of it being our child, who is performing, then we need to make an attitude adjustment of our own. We need to make an effort to understand better why this holds an interest to our child. If we need to learn the game, then take time to learn it.

When we allow our own fears to enter into the lives of our children, too many times, we can let those fears stagnate the life that our child has a right to discover. Too often parents will believe that their “black and white” way of doing things is all that matters, and as long as a child steps up to that criteria, then we have been good parents. We can also apply this same theory to the kind of person we have become when it comes to accepting the differences in all of the human race.

Good parents are in truth, those parents who accept our children’s differences from ourselves as readily as we do their shared interests with us. Anyone can enjoy what we find enjoyable but it takes a good parent to acknowledge enjoyment and respect for our children’s differences, from our own.

It is always easy to raise a child who agrees with us, but the true test of our own ability, is raising the child who has a different opinion from our own, on almost everything, with the exception of morality. When we raise our children through love and support while teaching them the boundaries of respect, in return, we teach them the significance of unconditional love. They will then in return teach their children who will teach their children etc., and both the family as well as Society, will know the rewards.

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Learning From Our Teenagers

If we have made responsibility the central theme in our homes, long before the adolescent years, then we can often times see what we have taught our children, come back at us during the teenage years. Responsibility does not just mean making their school work their number one pursuit nor does it mean cleaning their rooms and looking after their own personal hygiene the only thing that matters. A great part of responsiblity also entails teaching them that they need to take responsibility for their own actions and the words that come out of their own mouths.

They or we do not get to get off on being rude to us or others, because we have failed to teach them respect. They or we do not get to get off on lying or cheating on their homework, because we have made study time consistent in our homes and made it the top priority over anything else,first. Home work needs to be done where we can both watch them and help them when they need help.

If they are not asking us for help then that is a good clue they are not doing their homework. Sending them to their room so they can grab a book and pretend or switch to a web site every time they hear us in the hallway or knock on the door is not supervising homework. They or we do not go free from understanding that when we deal out discipline or punishment they will need to follow it through until they finish it because we have been consistent with our punishment.

In short then, just as all the lessons of life need to be taught to our children because we have done our job they need to take responsibility for their actions by doing their job. Do not use,”I trust my child or children” as a cop-out to get out of taking your own responsibility towards being there both as their supervisor and their guide.

The earlier children understand right from wrong and their responsibility in it, the sooner it becomes habit in their lives. Children who are not confused with morality,since they have learned to live the value of right over wrong until it has become a habit, many times, are more tuned in to the choices available to them. It takes so much more energy to lie and cheat because we are always called on to remember what it was we said in order to keep from exposing ourselves as a liar. Not to mention the guilt that often follows that all liars need to justify in order to live with the lie. Mankind was never made to lie. At the opposite end of that statement, since it is not accurate to generalize about anyone,many times, it is the parents who make the rules too strict,who have the children who behave the worse,once they find their freedom or rebel.

The chances are always better with honest children who are allowed to express themselves,because many times they are not conflicted by peer pressure or not understanding their own minds or direction. Since teenagers are no different from the rest of the population and anything is possible we need to keep in mind that they still need our direction during moments of doubt or confusion that will sometimes happen. Other times to be able to say,”My parents would kill me if I do”,offers a nice excuse for them to get out of doing what they know is wrong. No one can ever say,”My child never would.” and say it with certainty. Our chances are better with honest kids who do not have to lie in order to be able to spend time with their friends, though in a great deal of the cases.

Since self-expression as well as terminology and the way it gets expressed, is very much a part of each individual taste, be prepared to be humbled, if they do not always dress or appear to speak the same language as we do.Conformity will come soon enough,and it does us all well, to support their own desire to express who they are to themselves as well as their peers. Wanting to be different from everyone else is much better than wanting to be like everyone else,in an effort to be accepted or popular.Many times they will set the trend when they do decide to be different and if not they are showing more courage than most of us do, and that is a good thing.Creatitivity, often, brings along with it a life-time of success and contentment.

It is not the responsibility of the school, Church, grandparents or anyone else to teach our children how to take responsibility for their own behavior, it is our responsibility to teach them. The others will simply aid us or help us once we get them started in understanding that we are the parents and our children can both trust us to keep our word to them and they can rely on us to be there for them when they need us. They need to learn that our home is a safe place to return to at the end of the day when children have been children.

If we do not remember just how mean children can be to each other, then we need to take a refresher course by just listening to our children and offering the help where needed. If it is our own child who is mean and we are not handling it correctly because they are being mean to other children and even being bullies, then we need to get professional help,the earlier the better.

After all of that has been accomplished, we will have these wonderful people in our lives who are known as teenagers. They will bring home with them and their friends an enthusiasm and zest for life, at the point in our own lives, we feel our own enthusiasm is draining. They have a generosity of heart for all their fellow students, at a time, we have become too set in our ways or too complacent with the status quo. They will accept everyone because they have been taught to accept everyone and they will many times remind us that it was us who taught them the significance of doing so, at a time, we are becoming more cynical each day. They have a thirst for learning and getting involved with the world around them, at a time, we are not even keeping up with the magazine subscriptions on World affairs.

If we as parents remember that we need to start teaching our children no later than the age of 2 or 3 the significance of taking responsibility for their own actions as well as what is theirs and taking responsibility for it as well, then we will find that our teenagers have a great deal to teach us.

Many times, we had already taught them but until now, we were not always certain that they had heard. If our teenagers are not renewing our own youth while inspiring us to be more accepting of others, but instead are a consistent head ache, each day, then do them and you both a favor, do not stoop to their level and fight and argue with them but instead get them help that you both need. If we have done our job in early training,and we are maintaining a general acceptance of their right to express themselves, but there is no explanation for this sudden change in attitude, many times, this is the time that we will see mental illness and depression begin to play a role in the lives of our child or children.That can be true in poorly structured homes as well.Too often we over-look genetic factors that are often as a result of hereditary factors.

For the sake of all adolescence and teenagers, everywhere, parents need to know and understand that personalities do not just change from happy-go-lucky to quiet and withdrawn. As parents we need to make certain that there is not an under lying cause and we as parents need to be aware if our children have had a life changing altercation or attack on them, are not doing street drugs or drugs stolen from our own medicine cabinets, or taking alcohol from our own homes.

If they have not had the early training in childhood or have had early training we need to get out of denial, and understand both are sometimes the other side of being teenagers. Children many times will be the alcohol or drug suppliers from our own home or from their grandparents without anyone being wiser for it. It is also, quite possible, that they are suffering from depression and need medical help.

Do not think that teenagers will always share the truth with us or for that matter anyone else either. Many times they carry an irrational shame or fear that can only surface with the help of a professionally trained person or people. Do not wait until the school decides to send them to counseling as many times kids can be great deceivers and schools do not always see the child we see.

Many times poor behavior is shown to us, as parents, as a scream for help when our child needs help. Our teenagers can teach us many things and all we have to do is be tuned in or knowledgeable enough to know the symptoms that are out-of-place when they happen.

We can only know that when we do know and understand we are their parent and their friends are their friends. Too many parents make the mistake that teenagers are adults now so we just have to let them learn on their own. Make certain we are learning as well, from the teenager, so we can step in when needed. The success of their life may depend on it. Teenagers are for enjoying and if they are unhappy we will be as well. Stay alert,be wise, and be there, and it can be the best years of all of our lives. Not only will we all be rewarded as a family, but so will, all of Society feel the imprint we have made on our children’s lives.

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Words Do Hurt…..They Destroy

Although, I quote a great deal of cliché’s because they do ring true, who ever came up with,”Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” had to be one callous human being or had no reality based idea just how often verbal abuse can and does destroy relationships for life.

The greatest tragedy of all is that painful words used amongst children are often the number one cause of suicide amongst our young people. What children are doing to children with the use of derogatory words on their computers,cell phones,the school bus and the playground across America has risen to a new level of hate. That adults would stoop to the level of children when using the same words against their own children or others should sicken us all.

I’m always amazed when I hear mothers firing back words like”little Bitch” to their daughters or you “little bastard” to their sons and forgetting they are supposed to be the adult. Calling our daughters and sons names when it is our job to eliminate the name calling is a tragedy in more ways than one.

Even in the best of situations (if we can call it that) name calling is the one thing that women or children will never forget.When parents call their daughters little whore or slut or equally disturbing words there is never any taking the words back. The more childish we behave as adults with the name calling the more we are destroying the ability for a loved one to like us and the more damage we are doing to Society as a whole. Too often these words are being learned from parents and passed on to children.

Just as adults when the men we love or care about or our family members label us with name calling or claim we are worthless, it hurts, even when we are older. When abusers think we are just using the milder of names, there is no such thing, because under moments of high stress, if we are in the habit of name calling the worse of the worse will slip out. Words are like brands on cattle we can never take them back or remove them. All apologies will ring hollow in the ears of the verbally abused, for a lifetime.

Too many people seem to be clueless to the fact that loving each other is not the problem. Liking each other is a real struggle. The more we use words in the form of name calling or in other derogatory forms to try to end an argument the more we set ourselves up to destroy our relationships for life. Not only do we need to stop acting like children and quit using name calling as a response mechanism; our children need to be punished with cell phone or Wii removal for a period of time, or something that will cause a hardship in their lives the first time we hear the words of disrespect come out of their mouths. We can not expect our children to respect us or others, if we never teach respect.

If we are calling names ourselves then it is going to be tough for them to have any respect for us if we do it and punish them for it.”Do as I say not as I do,” has never worked and we only fool ourselves by thinking or saying,”this is my home and I can do anything I want,” or “as long as you live under my roof you will do as you are told.” Both phrases only convince them that we are either a bully or think they are stupid.

They know we not only have a moral obligation to raise our children to adulthood but a legal one as well. If our children are still living at home after they are old enough to be on their own it only tells them that we will never force them out anyway, regardless of how they speak to us.

Verbal abuse is one of the hardest forms of abuse to defend against. When we allow ourselves to stoop to the level of children by name calling we destroy the respect of our children many times for life.No different than husbands and wives do when they do the same thing.

We give to and sacrifice for our children because we love them and want to give to them,in many cases, but another well-worn phrase that means nothing to our children is,”after all the things that I have done for you.” Children are about as manipulative as they come and they get smarter every year. They also understand that if they tell us that such and such has and I don’t have…..a great deal of what we will buy for them, is many times purchased to stop the child from whining,to gain our children’s love,to make ourselves look good,to compete with our friends, or simply that they won when they got what they wanted because we were too stupid (in their minds) to know we were being played by them.

Too many people just form the idea that our children are rebelling and do not bother to do anything about it. Yes if we have done our jobs and taught them to be self-sufficient and then turn around and treat them like babies or if we haven’t done our jobs, teenagers will rebel. What too many parents do not understand is there is almost always a reason for those bad moods as well. We need to get to the bottom of why the outbursts are becoming more and more frequent. Parents who withdraw during this time of their children’s’ life thinking what ever it is they are just going to have to work it out for themselves because they are adults now, can make or break the difference in the lives of their child.

“Our children need to know we trust them,” is the most ridiculous response we can give to rebellion.What they really need to know is they have a parent in their life who gives a damn if they do make a mistake. Many times they are going through the worse struggles of their lifetimes and there will never be any time in their lives that they will need their parents more than during this time. They need our ability to guide them when they are in doubt or do not have the capacity to work themselves out of the mess they may have gotten themselves into,still often after they leave home, but definitely while they are still at home.

We must make them know we are approachable and welcome them in our lives. If we offer both a refrigerator filled with Coke or Pepsi and a private place for them to gather they will many times make our homes their “crash Pads”(sorry that is an old 60′s phrase). Other times if we are up when they come home they many times will want to talk if they know we are accessible and we are playing the adult role expected of parents.

They all have friends what they really need are parents.I do understand the difficulty of getting them to talk, sometimes is like trying to have a conversation with a porcupine, but reaching out to them at this time in their lives will often spell the difference between success or failure in their lives.If we are ever going to be the grown ups it is never more important than this time of their lives.

If we are childish enough to call them names or go after them on attack they will be at their friends houses getting the advice, many times, that will be the last thing we want them to be getting. Like for instance,” have another beer or do you want a smoke before you leave?” Our children only bring their nicest friends around to meet us. Those that they know we will never approve of but who have the connections to the”good times” are the ones we never meet.

We parents need to reach out and offer understanding during the teen years as well as be on our toes full-time as to where they are hanging out and who they are spending time with. When we do find out we need to ask questions in regards to what their thoughts are in how they plan on handling a situation and ask them if we can offer a little imput to the situation. When we go in with all barrels drawn on the attack and stinging them with name calling we will never be part of this important time of their lives.

I repeat that both children and sometimes adults, become what we say they are. The more positive you/we are towards our/your children and wives the more positive they will be in return and it works the same with negativity. Call your daughters or wife a whore and they will often prove you correct, regardless of what age they are.For all of us adults who do not already know and understand this, many times it is the person who is having the affair that yells foul the fastest and the loudest.

If we refuse to grow up our children will do the same. They are faced with so many mixed emotions as in one way they cannot wait until they leave home and in another they wouldn’t mind being a child for a lifetime if we have been generous to them while they were growing up. We have already had our chance and now its time we be the grown up who guides the family through the storm. When we guide them through the toughest parts of adolescence and their young adult years so they become the people they were meant to be,it will be the best journey we ever take when the grandchildren are placed in our arms.

(If this subject matter sounds familiar it is because I have written on it several times in the past. I will continue doing so until I quit hearing Parents say,”What can we do? They are teenagers,” Next to the new-born stages they are the most important years of our child’s development, in my opinion. Good Luck and enjoy the humbling experience they teach us all.)

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Accepting Me Accepting You

Despite the differences in all of us, the only real thing that all children,adults,families,schoolmates,neighbors,co-workers and all people who make up our daily lives are looking for is acceptance.

We often find that people who have lived in a community ,neighborhood or worked at a place longer than the rest feels an entitlement to make certain the new people know how we do things around here. If the new comers refuse to accept our ways of doing things, many times it can turn out to an all out war of the Hatfields and the McCoys. If we have never put up a fence and the outsiders want a privacy fence for their own reasoning the fur sometimes will start flying. If the new employee has learned a more efficient way of processing information than what we learned and refuse to accept what we are teaching them then the feelings are stepped on to the detriment of harmony in the office many times. We all want acceptance in our lives.

When trouble developes in families,neighborhoods,at school or the work place it can usually be traced back to a group or individual who has tried to force conformity on the rest of the people or population to accept their terms of the way things should be done. Change comes difficult for some and they will fight tooth and nail to make certain that change never happens even when the majority have grown to accept that it is necessary to move on or ahead in order to maintain acceptance of the majority in a Democracy,harmony, or to improve on the past.

Trouble usually begins in large families when siblings marry and start bringing in new ideas that are foreign to the pecking order that the family had established years ago. If big brother or big sister had assumed the role of parenting and became comfortable in dishing out orders or making decisions and little sister or brother feel they have a better way of doing things then problems will arise. The older siblings have grown to accept that they are in charge and how dare they be upstaged by a different way of thinking or doing things. The same is true when parents feel because of their station in life their children are bound to accept their dictates for life and if they do not then they will simply disown them,in some cases.

When couples get married and accept that they will refuse to do everything the same way their parents did but instead will form a relationship based on their own acceptance of what standards they will keep and which they will discard they are behaving in a totally natural and healthy frame of mind. Maturity is all about forming our own boundaries and acceptance of the input into what our marriage will represent and look like to us.

When we refuse any acceptance or imput into the formation of our own marriage from our husbands or wives, because Mom or Dad would never approve or did not do it that way or believe in that political party or religion and a wife or husband instead determine that they will live their lives identical to the way their parents or siblings have always dictated, we leave no room for our partners acceptance into our lives. These marriages are in trouble from day one and indicate an immaturity in the couple that suggest they were not ready for marriage.

Marriages last because of our acceptance of both of our differences as well as our likes.Too many people fail to understand that many of us form the idea that we are what we do or like and when there is no acceptance of our likes or differences we often feel that there is no acceptance of us. When we determine the moral ground that we will choose to conform to in order to maintain who we are or to raise a family we accept each other. We need to be on the same page morally in order for a base of trust to form.

If one of the partners are moral and the other immoral we immediately start forming a crack in the foundation of trust that holds the rest of the body of our marriage together. Make no mistakes about it, immoral includes trying to control or dictate to our spouses through the use of force or abuse how they will live their life. Just as it does in the way we spend money or bankrupt the family, on wants over needs. It is when we can no longer accept each others differences that we quit liking or respecting each other and the marriage divides.The character of a person plays a huge role in whether we will accept each other and whether our marriage will last.

The same is true about raising children. What children really want from their parents is acceptance of who they are and what they enjoy doing. When men want a football or baseball star because they think their son has the aptitude they quite often turn the child into what they want instead of what the child wants. Most sons will go along with their Dads because all children starve for their parents acceptance. It is true when mothers turn their daughters into beauty pageants,send them to dance school or cheerleading.

Although it is fine to expose our children to different forms of possible accomplishments in life too many of us fail to hear the child when they say,”Mom and Dad I would rather do…..” Many times it is a far worse crises for a child to feel that they disappoint their parents than it is to speak out and say they do not want to do what Mom and Dad want because most children will do anything to gain acceptance and to avoid disappointing mom and dad. When they do say they want to quit we need to see ourselves as successful parents who have given them a voice in their own lives.

We need to let go of the idea that if we sign up a child to something that we want because we are choosing to live our lives vicariously through our child, that when our children say they would rather quit and do something different they are not failures.There will be things that all children need to learn in order to safe guard their own safety in the future such as discipline and punishment for bad behavior,taking responsibility for their own actions, swimming, basic first aid course and a good education and these we cannot let them decide that they do want to quit. Raising our children successfully is about what their genetic code is telling them and acceptance of their differences from our own.

Just as our parents raised a child or children who grew up to be nothing that they dreamt we would be and learn to accept that,if it was a functional home,we need to do the same in our homes. It is only when we refuse to accept each other for the path that they choose that families will and do disintegrate and form black sheep. When we all are living a moral life regardless of our differences there should never be a black sheep in the family. None of us get to judge who is living a moral life and who is not because just like people have difference in ideas they also have differences in spiritual beliefs and how and where they will worship.

If we are not breaking God’s law or Man’s law we are moral according to our own right to accept the direction we choose to take. The rhetoric and hate being spewed by the politicians should never be considered as moral in our homes to the point that politics destroy our families the way they are destroying their own party with the voters. Life is about me accepting you and you accepting me. God Bless us all!

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The Movement Against Policemen and Women

It certainly must occur to many who surf the net or use it to socialize or blog that the next great movement against government by so called, “grassroots types” is to attack the policemen of America. There are innuendoes non too slight occurring all over the net. There is a deliberate attempt underway to sensationalize, undo police force, on the web today, and the only conclusion anyone with any common sense, could conclude, is there are people out to destroy the public image of the police by sensationalizing it as the tabloids do.

The latest to destroy their image is, the story of the policeman that fed the child he felt was hungry. The first was the lemonade stand in Portland. This type of sensationalizing of police force or control, in other words nonsense, will only transplant the idea of a police state in the minds of the radicals, that believe conspiracy is around every corner. Sadly, it will work with too many. As we honor all the heroes of the war today, we should also not forget the heroes involved in the gang and drug wars on our streets that are going on or have been areas of concern in places like San Francisco, Chicago and Miami to name a few, on a daily basis, either. The police men and women of America have every right to be both honored and respected by all of us.

If there is any truth to any of the stories to begin with, all I can say is “Thank God we had a policeman that was concerned enough to think the little child might be neglected and came to their aid with food. The line of decency needs to be drawn by, we clear thinking, Americans. If all Americans did treat their children as children deserve to be treated the police would not have to be concern about children that go hungry, are sold into sex slavery(the latest count stands as high as 300,000), run the streets and join gangs where the only thing that stops murder in some of our poorer neighborhoods, is, if you belong to their gang. The atrocities happening to our children are many, and sadly, many times the number one culprits of neglect are the parents. Both Police men and women are already understaffed in many parts of our Country, and we have some of the finest of American citizens protecting us all, and keeping us safe in our homes, they need to be praised and not disrespected, nor attempts made, to disgrace them, as is currently under way.

It was the right-wing, in its influence in the 20th Century, who started accusing educated Americans as well as College professors as being commies, reds,pinks, and anything nasty they could use or think of, liberal became the new buzz words. When the professors of our Universities were the first to say that Capitalism was less than perfect and failed some Americans the word liberal and leftist became the nemesis and hate word of the right-wing.

The hate built by the right-wing in America, reached its pinnacle in the 1930′s, and went on to what was known as the McCarthyism era, where every man or every woman behind every wall or tree was a communist pink or spy. Not too unlike the Jesse Ventura show on Tru t.v. is trying to make all the fanatics in America believe conspiracy everywhere, today, in my opinion.

Although there was a movement underway of some Hollywood type executives flirting with the idea of communism, it got totally out of control as a result of the paranoia of McCarthy, Many innocent men and women had their lives as well as lively hood destroyed as a result of the furor that existed in the day. If you listen to the right wing of the era,the liberals or leftist, found their birth place in the State ran universities of America. It would appear the right-wing are now trying to attempt to move toward the diatribe of America being a police state, by trying to sensationalize these stories. That is how all these lies get started. First of all they have to split and divide us, as a Nation, before they can find a stand hold to operate from. I would say they have done a good job of doing just that, at this point.

We can all agree that there are extremists on the far left every bit as destructive to Democracy as the right-wing but to categorize every ,Democrat or American, who care more about the needs of the working class and their continuation of the middle class as communist or socialists, is bizarre. By sensationalizing the efforts of the police, they can then move on to attack the Unions that protect the wages and benefits of both the police and firemen of America. As we have already seen by their advertizing and opt out plea,they won’t stop until they try to eliminate or break the backs of all Unions who were established to protect the wages and benefits of the working class. It is possible for capitalism to co-exist with the working class, American. Capitalism will never fail as a result of paying a fair wage to the people they employ.To heft every lie and fault on the shoulders of education as well as the working people in favor of maintaining Capitalism so the rich get richer is to deny the platform of Democracy.

Yes, there are bad policemen amongst the group of our American heroes who risk their lives on a daily basis, but it is one organization that does work, when it comes to policing itself. They are not always quick enough, sometimes to recognize the losers amongst them, but unlike other powerful lobbyist, they do not protect their fellow police, at all cost to the citizenry of our Country, as a rule either.

So as we pause today, lets give thanks not only to all the heroes of America that have fought in battles and wars, both foreign and on our land, but also those proud men and women, that wear the blue 24 hours around the clock, to keep both us and Democracy safe. It will take those of us with common sense and decency to stand up to the new onslaught of lies heading our way. We owe it to the heroes that fight for us all around the world as well as in our own home town and city, of America. It is the least that we can do. Thanks to all of you who have ever worn a uniform. We are proud and grateful of your courage to protect all we hold dear. A simple thanks rings empty in comparison to your great sacrifice to “we the people”. Those of us that appreciate You offer it anyway.

(please note: I apologize to you, that not a single site tagged by me on this post printed this. I wonder if it is, since I do present an opposing view from others who do have control of the sites on wordpress, is the reason It wasn’t printed? I have found that I get zapped off of many sites to do with Democracy,politics, or anything relavent. That is why I find it necessary to do so many tags in hopes the truth will be read)

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The Significance Of Self

We hear all the time, “unless we love ourselves, we cannot love others.” I do believe, in some cases, when we start out life we have love to give and, as such, we are capable of loving, without loving ourselves. I’ve heard people say,” that they are in love but they have not yet met the person that they are in love with.” In those cases I have always felt, probably due to their own behavior, that they were actually in love with themselves but did not recognize it as such. In my own case, I do know that I have loved everyone else, long before I recognized, that I loved myself. Some of us grow up confused as to what love really is as it has never been given to us unconditionally or we only felt love according to if our behavior met with approval or not.

There is no such thing as a mommy gene universally in all mothers. Many children grow up hearing,”we were an accident,the day we were born was the worse day of our mother’s life, or the only reason we were even born was because our mothers thought that they would go to hell if they used birth control”. Complicate that with parents who never tell us that we are loved, that are remote and cold while we are growing up, parents who profess to love us as we live in fear of being beaten on a daily basis, or have parents beating each other up and the whole ideal of love becomes totally misconstrued to the point that many are fearful to love or commit if that is what love really is. Often it takes years and years, before children growing up in these environments can even dare trust what we are feeling, is really love or if someone else that professes to love us, is sincere.

Every human being’s survival depends on being born selfish. If a baby didn’t cry until their needs were meant they would end up malnourished or ill. Most of us would sleep through, sometimes every hour and half feedings, because as all new parents can attest many times during a baby’s life we are so tired we are not always certain if we did wake up or if we slept through a feeding. It is a time of total and complete exhaustion, especially if one parent is doing it all alone. In many ways we never lose the need to be selfish. Some are just better at recognizing it than others. Every action we take from seeking friendship,to marriage, to what brings us joy is intertwined with our own needs being met, if we are honest with ourselves in acknowledging it.

What separates a selfish person from a giving person is innate to their character, if I was to hazard a guess. It explains why one twin can be selfish while another generous, even when raised identically to each other, including the same punishment being meted our to both simultaneously, regardless who is to blame. If it is not genetic then the genetic make-up that drives perception,in my opinion, has to play a role. Where one saw injustice for the punishment they did not cause, another accepted the same as being normal or had the capacity to block pain or go into denial whereas the other didn’t or maintained reality.

Many children will block out their childhood if it was too bad or separate from it emotionally while others never forget and relive the nightmare for life. Abuse alters and changes a person’s personality, entirely, from who or whom they would have been, otherwise. That includes people who tell their children they were not wanted and verbally abuse their children. I’ve heard parents tell their children that they were an accident, in jest, and watched the child’s facial expression crumble. I think sometimes we adults are immune to teasing and lose sight of what effect it has on our children. Many times that same teasing can send our children off to bully others, if they take it literally, as many do. Some children will totally overlook or block abuse where as others can be haunted all their lives and I’m not sure anyone understands for certain,why?

I have absolutely no regrets that I came late to the table, as far as loving everyone else, before I recognized my love of myself, because it is the reason I now gather so much pleasure and enjoyment out of my life. If every action I ever did was as a conscious reaction on my part to do or give because I would get something back as a result of it, I’m sure I would feel much more guilt or discomfort with what damage I occurred to myself, now that I am limited in what I can do for others.

I am a sincere believer in the reality that everything that we do for others without expectation or return or without telling the world about our charity is returned to us here on earth. If we use it to improve our own image or to get an, “atta girl/boy” or to fulfill some need of our own we can sometimes end up in anger,hurt or mistrust because we assumed and when our assumptions do not prove out then we get angry or hurt about it. On the other hand, those of us that give without expectations, quickly learn the value of doing so brings with it, its own reward, even miracles. I don’t even have to explain that to those of you who do know, what I mean when I say it.

If we never know or understand ourself and the reasoning behind why we did what we did or do what we do, we can become really bitter with life and mistreat others. Once we know the true damage, we do to both ourselves and others, exist is because of our own assumptions then we can learn better ways to give of our self and time or choose not to. Except of course when it comes to paying taxes and I would hope we all appreciate the fact that Democracy gives us enough, so we can at least do that much. When gifting is a choice and we are constantly resenting doing anything for someones else, all of us would much rather you did nothing instead of listen to your constant bitching or sign carrying protest.

The significance of self is, to know ourselves, well enough so we bring both hope and joy to others or we take blame so we don’t make the rest of our family,work staff, group, or America in general, miserable right along with us. Listen to the way people and media are talking. We have to ask ourselves why children bully? Give us a break! As the old cliché goes,”If you have nothing good to say then say nothing, at all.”

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