Do We Know Ourselves?

When was the last time or have we ever taken a hard look at ourselves?  Many felt that candidate Mitt Romney defeated himself in the election because we really did not know the person, Mitt Romney, when his conversations in private were opposite of his public conversation. The young Tea Party members are expressing the fact that they need to be more inclusive of all Americans and talk about it.  Does conversation on a level of rhetoric convince any of us when the actions through their votes deny the same? When Congress holds the middle class hostage as they have for thirty years, in order to make certain the wealthy gain instead, will we believe that they care about all Americans?

Isn’t this true about many of us, in that our conversations are many times opposite of our actions? How inclusive are we in our actions?  When I first moved into the Rural areas or took a new job, and I still find it to be true, many of the people I met were so busy asking me questions about myself, while they failed to tell me much of anything about who they were or are.

When couples meet for the first time many times women will tell men much more about themselves than what men will tell about themselves. Many time a majority of men will talk about what jobs they are studying for or hope to get or they hold,hiking,sports,hunting,fishing,women,working out,or any other subject that does not reveal themselves long before they will reveal personal information about themselves.

In the heading about myself on this blog I reveal nothing about myself but state I prefer to let others define me because in writing anything, we will reveal ourselves.  Too often people will go into denial about the person they feel  they are before they will take an honest look at themselves. Many times if we ask what their belief or philosophies are on important issues of the day, we will many times get back a blank stare before we will get an answer.   Other times we hear, ”I really am not interested in that,” “that kind of stuff just makes my mind go numb,” or “I haven’t got a clue about what you are talking about.”  Too many people fail to realize that we should at very least take time out to reflect or know our own philosophy on life in order to understand the person that we truly are and embrace.

If we fail to understand our own belief system and the triggers in our own life, that makes us understand why we react to the outside stimulus of life the way we do, then we too many times will spend a lifetime judging others according to standards we do not practice in our own lives.  Many times we will live beyond our means and makes excuses as to why we do or look down our noses at those who do with less and find much more happiness in life than we do.  Having the courage to look at ourselves on an honest level of really knowing and embracing the person who lives inside of us is what makes us find the joy that we seek.

When our own behavior defies the reality of the person that we are, we leave others feeling as though we are a misguided individual, or brain washed by Society or other people’s philosophy, while we have no clue as to what it is that we truly do embrace.  The 2010 election was a perfect example as to how quickly what we knew about our President Barack Obama, could be turned on lies both against him and against Obama care.  It took too many to finally realize that is was not our President who changed his commitments to us but the lies that we accepted as truth, that turn our views on him.  In the end he won because we recognized that his words matched his actions and as a leader he would fight for our rights.

When we fail to know ourselves then we too many times can be led in life by people who prey on our vulnerability. If we have to ask,”Why am I always attracted to people who are not good for me?” then it is time we discover for ourselves why we have to ask,”Why are we always attracted to the same and what are the triggers in me that makes me continually repeat the same mistakes?” Our friends will make excuses for us and so will our family say things such as,”You are just to kind or trustworthy”, or other answers that actually make us feel better about being attracted to those who prey on us.” When we do not get an honest answer but buy into what others tell us, we keep repeating the same mistakes.

When we learn more about ourselves we often find that we have an irrational need to be needed,or to be made whole by someone else,or there is an insecurity in ourselves that can only be made to feel better by attracting or gathering those who we feel are inferior to us.  When we believe we are better than those who we attract too many times we feed our own false ego in the process. The difference between confident people and insecure people is: that those who do know themselves understand their own weaknesses and strengths and their lives indicate that they live according to their own philosophy of self, over that which has been defined by others.  When I tell my readers that I would rather be defined by others, it is because I am confident in the person that I am and yet aware enough that even with that, people will define me anyway.

It is when we can change and alter our actions according to the words that we speak that we do become the person we want to be.  We do not have one set of standards for ourselves, while holding another set of standards for the clique’s,or the job that we work or the group that we hang with during our free time. When we are true to ourselves then we are true to others as well.

Many times in life we are given tests, or run into road blocks in life, or even marry people that we had no business of marrying.  If we do not reflect on ourselves and what our own tolerances or rejections in life are all about, then too often we will go into denial about the person we are.  We need a clarity of why we react and why we need to fill an emptiness in ourselves with that which is bad for us.  If we do not understand ourselves It will exhibit itself in all kinds of judgement calls against others,acceptance of what we intellectually know and understand to be destructive but we will choose it anyway, and leave us in a state of confusion to the point that we can be led by undesirables.

We heard the word hypocrisy expressed many times during the election year because we did not feel that the candidates spoke on the truth of their own lives and how they have voted or spoken in the past. Too many times the candidates had one set of rules for others while having another set for us, when their own actions betrayed their own words.

When people criticize those who have affairs and gossip about it around the coolers or our coffee table, it is not all that unusual that they themselves have had affairs or will have in the future.  Many times the idea of the same has been entertained, at least in their minds, and by downgrading others that have had affairs, they often feel safe in the words that they speak. This is true about many other things that we tear apart in others as we too often fear,”But for the Grace of God there go I.”

Many of us can and do find hypocrisy in people who will malign others regardless of the conversation because we do know and understand our own strengths and weaknesses, and find gossip such a waste of the precious time each of us are allotted in life.  I personally am bored by such talk because I want to know you and what is your banner that you promote and stand for, or will fight for, and what it is about you that is special.

Each of us,regardless of what others think about us,will find that we are uniquely an individual that is special in an area of expertise that makes us the way we are.  We will also often discover that much of what made us think we knew better than others, is our weak point.  When we know ourselves we leave behind so much of the waste and the distractions that separates us from the joy,that we feel in knowing we are our own person and much stronger and competent that we believed ourselves to be in some cases and in other cases we find a total humbling experience.

Either way it is in knowing ourselves we will not only do what is best for us but we will also do what is best for everyone else as well.  When our actions match our words we do not tolerate bigots nor do we reject the equal rights of others but instead we become more inclusive of the understanding that we are all working towards the same goals in our lives.  Happiness often comes at a price and if we do not seek it through hard work and honesty of self, we often find that we fail it instead of it failing us.

I wish all of us a clarity of self this Holiday Season because we do know and understand that our limits range from the amount we can afford to spend on gifts to the amount of triggers in us that causes us to be upset by other’s rude behavior and words.  It is not wrong to discover sometimes, that it is time to throw the bums out of our lives, and to embrace the Independence in ourselves that makes all of us strong enough to carry the crosses we are asked to bear.  We must understand at the same time, there are triggers in us that causes bad reactions in others and work towards changing those triggers in ourselves, as well.May we all have a Blessed Holiday Season and a Happy New Year!

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The Manipulative

I have chosen to write today on the manipulator as they are especially active during the Holiday Season. We all know the manipulative by different names and faces but at some time in our lives we will all know several.  They are often times the charming that are generous with both their praise and gifts, until they have us totally convinced they are the victims of others,before they begin their attempts to victimize us.

If we could all just remember that people who do not expect something from us will walk away since they have nothing to prove, nor will they waste our time or their’s convincing us, unless we seek them out and ask for the facts, then we would all be the wiser before we find ourselves trapped by the manipulator.

Some are very obvious to those of us who have been conned ourselves, and too often when we try to warn our loved ones who are being victimized by these people or the person,we are the ones who lose the affections of our loved ones instead.  They are so charming while they convince us that they are the benefactors or benefactress of the World, before we become sucked into their schemes and realize that those who tried to warn us,were our real friends.

Many times they enter our lives when we are the most vulnerable and reaching out to gain knowledge or comfort.  They will many times be so perfect in our minds that we cannot believe ourselves that anyone so kind and generous can be in our lives. They run the gamut from Religious schemers such as Rev. Jones, who convinced or forced 900 people to drink the Kool-Aid,to claims of being a charitable organization but unless we check them out first they can be very convincing in their efforts to deceive, or many times they are a member of our own family.  No one is a better manipulator than the family member who needs alcohol or drug money and they often times do not stop with the family members but move on to the neighbors and strangers who will fall for their stories of victimization, just as we do.

When the charm runs out of the manipulator,because they can only sustain it for so long,we will either be made to feel that we  owe them the rest of our lives or we will wise up and run because just as charming as they can be, they can also be as intimidating.  While we are convincing ourselves that we have welcomed the perfect people or person into our lives they are learning our weak or vulnerable points and they learn to use them to their advantage when the charm wears off.  They capitalize on the negative feelings of guilt or feelings of betrayal in us, and use it to their benefits.  We should never think it is just our imagination or we are being unfair to them, after they have been so good to us, because they trap us into believing just that so they can gain control over us.

As we gain more knowledge and comfort with ourselves we recognize them readily and  to often think they are rather harmless to those of us who are aware of people who play on others’ emotions.  While we ourselves are no contest to them they often times see us as a challenge to defeat and will deliberately,in some cases, prey on those who we befriend, is our child, or another loved one, just to prove that they can out smart us and defeat us when we do think of them as being harmless. It often serves in the best interests of all of us if we do not make it obvious to them that we do not believe them, but remain firm in what our ground rules are because then the more likely they will be to move onto their next victim.  If we try to warn the next candidate to be victimized by the manipulator before they become victimized, they will not believe us either, unless they themselves are already wary of the charmers  who manipulate.

They appear at family gatherings such as Thanksgiving,in the malls,in our group of friends,at the  work place, at our church gatherings and in some cases even lead us in prayer,they are anywhere that the vulnerable can be isolated from others. If we donate to them once they will continue flooding our mail boxes or e-mail with more requests to give until they wear us down or convince us they need our donations, often under false pretenses. Other times they reach out through our telephones or the internet, as it is the perfect cover for the deceitful who never wish to be found out once they scam us into believing we are the most beautiful person in the World or they promise us that we will inherit a fortune if we just pay the taxes on it.If we are being manipulated or conned ourselves, we must first accept that we are as much at fault for allowing it to happen, once we become aware of it,as are the people who manipulate us.

So I offer all of us this Thanksgiving this simple advice even though I know those who need to heed it most, will not hear it, “If it is too good to be true, it almost always is.” We all make the dreams in our own lives come true.  It takes a lot of doing without sometimes and the understanding of those who help us to realize our dream.  No person ever realizes a dream as a single unit. It always takes a lot of hard work and co-operation to achieve our dreams.  It doesn’t fall from the sky and land in our laps, we have to earn it, and anytime we find others trying to take from us on a song and a dance or a story of victimization, we should never question our own motives but always question their motives, first.

Good luck is only what others are waiting for because they were not willing to make the sacrifices for others who truly needed their help or to make their own dreams come true.  Sometimes it is being in the right place at the right time but if we are not willing to put out the efforts it takes to achieve then we will not gain from the placement either. Dreams can still come true when we recognize our own strengths and weaknesses and accept help from those who do help us, by rewarding those who help us, through just and fair wages.

I wish each and all of you all the joy of giving that Thanksgiving can bring to all of us if we give in the spirit of giving.  Once we become aware of the manipulator and we make ourselves dependent on the kindness or intimidation of the same, or allow those who do help ruin the spirit of giving, we must accept our role in the same. All the denial in the World cannot force us to fail to acknowledge that if we are being played by a manipulator there are others as well.

Sometimes people are placed in our lives to test the respect that we have for ourselves and humanity in general, and when we fail that test we will also fail the tests of showing respect to others, who truly do deserve our time and love.  We have a responsibility to not only ourselves but to those who care about us to understand the difference of those in our lives who do respect our spirit of giving as verses the manipulators who take without a conscious. Once we become aware of the fact that we are the ones being used, then we need to accept that we enable the manipulators of the world and we need to stop the time,attention,and money often given to the manipulators, for all the reasons that allow them to operate on the unsuspecting. If we cannot stop them for our sake or the sake of the manipulator themselves, then we need to be aware of those who we hurt by going into denial of the part we play in it.

Thanksgiving is a time of appreciation and when we fail to appreciate those who should matter to us, we lose everything else of value as well. I feel truly Blessed for having the husband I have had for 45 years,my terrific daughters and son-in-law, and the two Bestest grandsons that a grandmother could ever have. I appreciate the value they add to my life by just being the genuine people that they are and their own faith in their own achievements.

All we who truly love really want is for our loved ones to be happy and for us to be aware when they are not, by offering them the emotional support they need,if they need our help. Too many times I have made the assumption that they needed my help when their maturity was leap years ahead of my own, at the same age they are.  Age may be a teacher to those of us who are willing to learn, but we should not always assume that we know better because of it. May we all be Blessed this Thanksgiving while we remember those who are really victims with our generosity and prayers.  Have a safe trip and a wonderful Thanksgiving Day!

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Emotions Denied

Many times in a marriage or a close relationship and while raising children we will see emotions that not only appear out-of-place but they are,for instance, depressed people will quite often laugh or people who have feelings that are hurt will get angry when both would do better to acknowledge their feelings have been hurt or they are feeling sad.  To often relationships will end or be pulled apart because we do not understand our own emotions.

In dysfunctional homes, which comprises of the majority of homes, children are not allowed  to have or to express emotions or worse yet, they are mocked for having these feelings.  As a result of stilted emotions in childhood, many of us do grow up in denial of our own true emotions.  Boys and men have been told for generations that a show of emotion is a sign of weakness just as women have heard for years that they are too emotional to lead. We now know both are the thinking of backward beliefs. We need to know that the Leaders of  business and the World do care about those who they lead and that they will make decisions affecting all of us based, on their concern for our needs and futures.

We just had an election where all Americans were concerned because Romney did not show emotions so we felt the candidate lacked sincerity.  Emotions that are denied in both genders often leads instead to stilted leadership and unfair practices in both business and government and leaves people feeling that the person lacking any show of the same is untrustworthy. When we deny or hide emotion we cause an imbalance of stress in not only our lives but those who share our life with us.

Those under the most stress will often deny that they have stress while often times those who cause stress in other people’s’ lives will be the first to complain that they are under a great deal of stress. Sometimes they are taking their own stress out on others but many times it is used as an excuse for poor behavior on their part as well.  People other times are relieving their stress on others, without even being aware that they are. Determining our own stress related causes is especially important due to the many stressed related diseases that do lead to death in not only ourselves but our loved ones as well.  When it does not affect our health,which is rare indeed, it often leads to the end of really important relationships in our lives.

Too many times we just keep going on and never-changing our patterns in life and in doing so the stress builds up in us.  In areas where noises are constant such as  traffic noises, or trains and planes passing, we may be suffering stress and be totally unaware of the stress caused by noise factors.  Parents have been yelling at children for generations because the loud music teenagers often play, may be relaxing to some, while it causes stress in others.

When children feel stressed we quite often find that they will begin to bicker with each other.  When they are not under stress they will play together in harmony.  When we buy a child under stress a gift or set them in front of a television we do nothing to alleviate the stress they are feeling.  If we send them to their room instead of setting them down and asking them why they are exhibiting inappropriate behavior their stress will continue to build. Other times if we ask them to think about why they are behaving the way they are and to report back to us when they have figured it out, they will come up with their own answers. Other times they will blame others before they understand that their own emotions are coming from eternal changes happening in their own bodies.

Children are no different from adults in that to often, instead of dealing with the truth of their emotions, they will blame the closest to them for their own bad behavior.  Many times it is, we the parents who are accused to be at fault by our children and too many times,out of a feeling of guilt, because we parents have not dealt with our own emotions, we will reward instead of punish their bad behavior.   There are many different ways in childhood, when stress occurs, and our emotions get dismissed,ignored, or criticized. If we reward bad behavior instead of discussing it because we are buying off our own unresolved guilt we can create a monster no differently than we create the same future adult through cruel and abusive treatment in childhood. Other times bad behavior is better explained through chemical imbalances in the brain and our children need early intervention at this time.

When we add abusive punishment to an already stressed child we risk ending up with two kinds of adult behaviors.  We may either have very angry adults or we have adults who live in denial of their own emotions, so they stuff their feelings instead of acknowledging them and releasing their emotions through expression.  When people stuff down  their emotions  they often exhibit their emotions in other ways such as in over spending or shopping, being overtly sexual in their behavior, turning to drugs and alcohol,weight gain or lost,or excessive sleeping.

Many dismissed or ignored emotions are the explanation for why angry adults are not aware their own anger lies in hurt feelings from childhood instead, and why they live and breathe the idea that others are to blame when they become angry or withdraw.  Too often we hear abused partners in a marriage or a relationship say but they are so kind and thoughtful when they are not angry.Other times adults will withdraw emotionally and use it as a form of control over others who are left wondering, sometimes due to their own insecurities, if they said or did something wrong.  Both behaviors are terribly destructive not just in the life of adults but in the lives of children as well. When we give children excuses for poor behavior without taking time to understand their bad behavior they will often times grow up and excuse poor behavior in others and sadly it does reach the point that they accept abusive behavior through the reasoning that they love the abuser or they become the abuser themselves.

When we do leave abusive relationships because we recognize how destructive they are to us, we need to get professional help, many times, to understand what it was in us that allowed someone else to mistreat us.  If we try to go back into a relationship without resolving our own emotions or discussing our differences with them, we will only repeat the mistakes of our past. They will not change or become less abusive just because we wish them to.

If the other person in the relationship, tells us they want to start all over and leave the past unresolved, too often we only rehurt ourself all over again because the same words or behavior that hurt us in the past will keep reoccurring unless both of us are strong enough to talk it through and to put an end to it that is welcoming and calming to both of us.  Just because we wish to change does not mean they do as well.  Too often people who live their lives blaming someone other than themselves, also die that way.We often find this to be true when adult children try to make up with a parent or spouses try to reunite.

Stress related diseases are not found in the remains of the caveman so how do we explain that foraging for food and not knowing if they ate or not was not stressful? The explanations can be as complicated or as simple as we make them.  More than likely, it is the simple explanations; they did not know differently because they lived in an isolated environment in communes where everyone else shared their same lifestyle,  competition to succeed was not a part of their environment, nor were outside aggravations from other influences that affect modern man a part of their lives, everyone was dependent on everyone else in their group for their survival so when problems arose or they needed to hunt together,they worked the problems out through communication or they were not pressed for time because their lives were less complicated.  The stress that we experience was not a part of their lives and therefore the stress related diseases that we see today, were not present either.

There are a number of ways that we can relieve stress that do not cost money and bankrupt us as adults with the most important one being to listen to our children and to validate their feelings.  We can go out together as a family for pizza, to the park, or camp out and go fishing, go to the beach, take time out of our busy days to walk together or to set together at the dinner table and discuss our days.  The things that we do with our children together, is  what helps make them grow up as calm adults.  Placing them in an activity while we send them in a car pool does not replace that family time that children crave.

In a relationship men need male bonding as much as women need female companionship.  If we do not trust our relationship or marriage enough to accept that there will be times in all of our relationships and marriages that we need to give each other space then, more than likely, we should not make plans to commit to the relationship for life.  Trust is the necessary foundation of all relationships and without it we are only lying to ourselves if we cannot trust enough to let go.  Women quite often need to release stress through hobbies or crafts just as men do through sports or hunting or both need space to paint or write.  It is o.k. to play or watch sports, to hunt or share a hobby together, but to become inseparable when we are young, will usually cause more problems in the relationship than what we will find when we give each other the space we each need, to develop our own interests and responsibilities separately,occasionally.

When we are dealing with a marriage or an adult relationship, many times it is a necessity to have space from each other. We both should be aware of the person who refuses us the necessary space because they could very well be possessive or interested in forming a relationship of co-dependence, that shuts out all of our other important friendships and family members.  It is not always the inseparable couple who are the happiest.  Quite often it is the opposite of a happy couple, but instead a smothered couple.

In any relationship it helps to have other interests that gives us space as we need separate space just as much as we need shared space.  Sometimes when days off are limited, in marriages as in friendships,or families, it does help to take separate vacations if our interests are not shared.When we are a young family then it is always  wise to use our days off to expose our children to other parts of the Country or World so they are not intimidated when they need to move on with their own lives.  It does us well to understand that vacation time can be just as stressful on children as it can be on adults.  It’s always best to start with short trips and limited days until they get older.

Absence may not make our hearts grow fonder, so to speak, but we often find out that the reason we are feeling bad has nothing to do with the person we are blaming but everything to do with our own inability to deal with our own unresolved emotions from another happenstance in our lives, when we make space for ourselves and take time to reflect. This does not mean that we do not make shared time and interests just as much of a priority and we remain close as a couple because if we spend too much time apart we can become a high risk couple as well.  Like everything in life it is about balance while recognizing the importance of sharing our time as well.

I caution all of us to think before we find our own behavior destroying our own lives, when we instead are blaming it on others who truly do care about us and are innocent of our own hurt feelings or anger. At the same token, I caution everyone to think equally as hard about the solutions that will be resolved prior to going back to an old abusive relationship or starting a new one, since past behavior often indicates future behavior. When people begin lying to themselves about their emotional history, in order to believe their own lies or to embrace denial, reality is no longer their long suit and they become totally unaware of the fact that they are lying to themselves as well as their loved ones.

Sometimes  people,who refuse to accept responsibility for their own poor behavior, really are at fault when it comes to the hurt in us. We are in trouble if we are making too many excuses for them by rewarding bad behavior and taking responsibility for it ourselves. Other times we may be blaming others because of our own unresolved emotions. If we do not allow people to mistreat us they cannot mistreat us but we need to be certain it isn’t we who are mistreating ourselves the most.

If we cannot resolve these issues on our own it often saves the best relationships we will ever have, if we seek out professional help, before we end the relationships. If communications are impossible because they refuse to take shared responsibility for the problems in our relationships or we refuse to hear what they are saying, then we need help.  We cannot force others to view the problems the same way we do or see problems when they were not aware that any existed.

If we cannot afford counseling then a good friend who understands what makes others tick, because they have experience in life, may be able to help us, as long as we do not blame them for failing to say the things we want to hear.  If we find them agreeing with us instead of pointing out both sides, then seek out someone else because they are not challenging us to see beyond our already written in the stone beliefs. People tell us not to make rash judgements for a reason with the main reason being ,when we do, we often hurt ourselves far worse than we do anyone else if we fail to deal with our own emotions,first.

Be kind and know that unless we resolve our own emotional history we will not find the joy we seek nor will we find it in someone else.  It is true, “that familiarity often breeds contempt,” because those who truly care about us are the closest to us.  Many times we also know them better than they know themselves, and we make it more difficult for them to make excuses or to lie to themselves when they know, we know the truth, and they refuse to take responsibility for their own emotions or behavior.

We can also be the first hurt by those who are in denial of their own emotions, as we are the ones who often get lied about the most since the goal of the person in denial is to protect that denial at all cost. As difficult as it is in the beginning, if they are not willing to deal with reality in time, we begin to feel the relief of being out of their drama and realize the value of being free from the same, once we do heal.

No one but ourselves can make us happy or at peace with others.Nor is it their job to do so. Other people can add to or compliment our own happiness or joy only if we have already found happiness through our own approval of self, and acceptance of others’ rights to find their own happiness with or without us. At the same token other people can only destroy that inner-peace in us, if we give them permission to do so.

It is very difficult work that is involved and often takes years of laying our heads on the pillow content with knowing we do feel complete because we have given much more to life than we have subtracted from it. We also must be aware that to be real, our contentment in life never wavers no matter how many times it gets challenged,as it will be challenged many more times in life. We cannot mistake what I am writing about with the narcissists who feel they are entitled to everything they get.

We must be cognizant of the fact there are people who are more content with being a victim,due to their delayed or stunted emotional growth, than they are with being a winner. We need to accept that many times those we think we are the closest to are the most toxic to us, just as we must learn to accept those we think are our enemy often times are our best friend. People prove their loyalty to us time and time again but sadly too many people often put their faith in those who don’t support them, because the people they protect lead them into believing they are a victim.

It is the nature of mankind to react to tragedy and injustice when we see it and if we are not selfish by nature, we offer help and support, to those who truly do suffer.  Unfortunately there are those who prey on that factor and want us to feel they are a victim as well.  Too many times those who do not deal with their own emotional history will  use our naivety or kindness to their advantage to manipulate those of us who do care. It especially occurs in those who do not take a good long hard look at themselves and ask,”Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes and hurting myself in the process.

It is nice to write about something other than politics again and now that we are done celebrating our Country’s victory, some of us need to get to work on our own victories. It often entails hard work when we do wish to be honest with ourselves and others. The efforts to know ourselves are greatly rewarded when we do.

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More Hypocrisy Against Birth Control

Last week when President OBama announced that Catholic Colleges and Hospitals would be made to cover Birth Control, not abortions, for all women, we saw several Catholic heads yell,”that it was an outrage that President OBama would force them to go against their religious Convictions.” All the Republican candidates, Mitt, Newt, and Santorum have picked it up and are running with it.

Time out for the truth: 28 States have made in mandatory that all Religious Institutions must provide for the healthcare needs of women including birth control. It has existed in these States for years, and was decided by the Supreme Courts in their States as to be Constitutional as well as sent back to the States by the United States Supreme Court to give that decision to the States. On the Federal level the United States Supreme Court has ruled the same. Because other States know they would lose if they fought it in their States they also insist that coverage for birth control in Religious hospitals and Institutions be covered.

There was a time in History that the Mormon Church claimed interference with Religious Freedom when it came to practice of Polygamy. Fundamentalist Mormons still try to argue it. Seven Day Adventist who believe that Jesus heals, and fail to get their children medical treatment in cases of neglect or serious illness, claim it is against their religious rights when Government decides to prosecute. There is a current case on the docket where parents are being prosecuted because they let their son die from untreated cancer although he complained bitterly to them as well as his teachers about being in severe pain.

Our Founding fathers established the Supreme Court to be the highest Court of the land and no one can claim religious rights above the law of the Supreme Court. It has been tested by Religion throughout the course of history but it is well established in our Constitution, that no law or belief supersedes the Law of man through the Supreme Court. What the right wing conservatives really want is to appoint the Supreme Court Justices that they think will side with their views by winning the election for the Republicans, just as they have appointed conservatives judges in all of our States.

This is not abortion on any level nor is President OBama requiring abortion coverage on the Federal Level. What is really at debate here,is the Catholic Church is insisting that the Plan B birth control or more commonly known as the morning after pill, not be given to rape victims, since they call it an abortion pill instead of a birth control pill. It like all other birth control, be it an IUD, pill, or condom, simply stops the sperm from reaching the egg since it takes 72 hours to do so. If a woman is pregnant, like all the other forms of birth control, it is not effective against preventing pregnancy after the fact. (sorry about constantly repeating myself on this issue but until people really understand what the Plan B birth control pill is, it is necessary that we do)

The Catholic Church is insisting that rape victims, of all beliefs, not be given the Plan B birth control pill following rape, when victims of rape are transported to their hospitals. They instead are declaring interference with Religious Rights, in an attempt to tie the hands of the nursing and Doctor staff, when it comes to sparing victims further suffering from the fear of pregnancy, when the staff provides the victims with the morning after pill. This includes children of the ages of 12 to 15,as well as University students and public school children, who are victims of rape.

Since President OBama is simply following through on the Federal level the hypocrites during an election year are now out in full force. As long as the Catholic Church is hiring people from all different faiths or non faiths, they do not have a right to disclude their Constitutional rights to use birth control, by people of different faiths or non-faiths, in their Insurance programs or refuse other people on other insurance programs the right to use birth control. They can insist that their own membership not use birth control but 98% of all sexually active Catholics do use birth control. Birth control is also used in treatment for a number of other health problems in women, who are not sexually active.

In a previous post I said that the Catholic Church has the legal right to not carry insurance in cases that apply to their hospitals, charities, or organizations. This is true. However if they do provide insurance, because they want to attract the most qualified workers, they must follow the law as stated in the Constitutional rights of non-Catholic members, as well as, all women’s health needs. The Catholic Church does cover Viagra along with all health needs for men. Since a large percentage of rapists are impotent one could argue that it is wrong for them to insure the coverage of Viagra.

Mitt Romney himself, while Governor of Massachusetts, which is a State that insists that all birth control be covered for women, said nothing about it while Governor of the State but since it plays well to blame President OBama as being against the Catholic Church or Religious rights in general, Mitt is now making much to do about it, as is Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum.

To do so plays well with the right-wing conservatives and Evangelicals. What they don’t realize is that when women go into the booth to vote they will all find that women in general, Catholics included, will find it for what it is and just another political maneuver against women to decide for themselves their right to make the decision on their own reproductive well-being and health. Perhaps they do know that, and that is the reason that Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, and Rick Santorum along with the Tea Party are all on the same page in an effort to make the women majority voters second class citizens without rights to their own body and health. This hate is what unites them all against President Barack OBama, afterall.

It may play well with the conservatives, just as the Susan B. Komen Foundation, removing funding to Planned Parenthood did, but in the end when women organize to throw their support together, we find Karen Handel resigning and Susan B, Komen returning funding to Planned Parenthood. 3 million more donor dollars, also added by others outside of the Foundation, were added to Planned Parenthood who is the winner in the debate.

When “Good Old Boys”, try to deny women their Constitutional rights under the law, it is the “Good Old Boys’ who lose. This plays a large role in why Rick Santorum, who is both a Tea Party Darling as well as Conservative choice won big in Missouri, Colorado, and Minnesota yesterday. The candidates would all be wise to choose another topic such as what it is they plan on doing towards bringing jobs to the communities since they profess that is their strong point.

We know the Republican philosophy of “trickle down economics” does not work for the working poor and middle class,but only makes Corporations and the wealthy richer, so how are they going to help the working poor and middle class without promoting that Capitalism provides jobs, when we know that they are shipping the jobs overseas instead?

That seems to be lacking in all of these Republican candidates campaign messages. There are no concrete blue prints amongst any of them, since their real intentions, along with the help of the Tea Party, is to cut costs for Corporations by eliminating Government Departments that protect the rights of workers,along with all the Unions who establish wages and working conditions for all of us.

The Republican Party also want the conservatives to appoint their own Supreme Court Justices in an effort to deny equal rights to women,minorities and gays, through their Religious beliefs. If they were honest with us, we wouldn’t find their truth to be a popular subject so instead they keep throwing up smoke screens as though we are all too stupid to see through them.

Since the total truth of the Republican plan will not win them an election, then we keep hearing all of these lies and attacks. If that wins them the election then we only have ourselves to blame.

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Who Are The Pro-Choice?

We are the majority, we are the pro-choice. We are both men and women who will never have an abortion nor will our daughters or grand daughters ever have an abortion. We understand that the decision, if it occurs, will be a difficult decision for all involved, if they feel forced into making that decision. We are older men and women, students and non-students,young and middle-age, rich and poor, Christians and non-Christians.

We are Americans, who understand and appreciate that the choices that women make needs to be protected by law, as history proves there are those who will deny us our legal rights, when we do not have freedom of choice or equality.

We are old enough to know and remember the horrors that women suffered before Roe vs. Wade. We understand and know to take the legal decision away from women will only condemn them to an uncertain probability that they will go elsewhere or try to abort on their own, without the care of professionals.

We understand that when the law is changed, if it is, we condemn our fellow sisters to an uncertain probability that they will not survive an illegal abortion. We remember the days, when as women, we did not have choices and as such live babies were killed and buried or left on door steps of vacant buildings or in garbage cans. Dr.s knew that abuse of some kind was going on but for years they refused to believe that parents, much less mothers could injure or kill their babies.

Because poverty was so common it was simply easier to list babies as failure to thrive or crib deaths and it is only modern medicine that recognizes that the probability of live births who were smothered or died, existed before abortion became legal. It was a well-kept secret amongst women or family members who assisted in the births, especially when incest was present,or the baby was a mixed race,or a mother thought the child would starve due to extreme poverty, and when Dr.s were rarely called. We remember that making abortions legal lead to a drop in abortions and death of live births.

We all know regardless of age, we cannot speak for other women who have the very difficult decision that we pray none of us will ever have to make.

We understand there are mothers of 12 to 16 year olds who have been raped by family members,friends, or strangers. We know that incest involves mostly girls, from the age of 8 to 12 but boys as well, and is the most under-reported crime in America, followed by rape of boys and then girls. We understand that women who are drug addicts and victims of incest will often go into prostitution and are bullied by pimps who will kill them or desert them in alley ways as beaten pulps, if they do not get an abortion.

We understand even when it appears to be a loving relationship as well as marriage, when a woman who is pregnant or recently pregnant dies the number one cause of death is homicide. Unless men are examined or penalized for life for the role that they play in the death of women who get pregnant and they either demand they get an abortion or pretend to go along with the pregnancy, when they clearly do not want the child, women are placed at an even greater jeopardy when abortion is not legal.

We understand that young girls who feel discriminated against by their fellow students and unloved will often seek out men or predators on the inter-net, sometimes as early as the age of 12 to 14, and their parents will need to make a difficult decision when it comes to a child having a child, and will need the law on their side when they do.

We understand that children and young women who suffer from a number of diseases that pregnancy will either kill them or disable them further, sometimes do get pregnant. We know that both they and sometimes their parents as well as their Doctors will need to make a decision that will need the law on their side.

We know there are older women with lung and heart problems, also with multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s’ disease,obesity,Arthritis, and diabetes who will not survive the birth of a child or be disabled further. We know tests show mothers they are carrying a serious mentally damaged fetus without a brain. We know that in cases of artificial insemination too many embryos complicate a live birth and in all these cases both the women and the Doctor need to be protected by law.

And finally we understand, any decision a woman will feel they need to make, is their right to make, and between them and their Doctor and we are not appointed as judges and jury nor as emperors or dictators, over their lives, when they are adults and given the God-given right as well as the State-given right to make those decisions, themselves.

We know that history shows that with or without laws, women will have abortions or simply leave babies to die, in the case of unwanted pregnancy, and the only way we can lessen that from happening is to have a place like Planned Parenthood who is able to reach the women who have little to no money and the most likely to get abortions.

We need these trained professionals, in place, who can reach women and distribute birth control to prevent pregnancy and death or starvation. We need doctors who can attend to the needs of women and girls who are not sexually active but do not have healthcare so cannot afford the services of regular Doctors. We need them to offer council to our own daughters who.” would rather die,”(not actually just an expression in most cases) than talk to their parents about birth control or let them know they are sexually active.

We know that Planned Parenthood was able to council 241,000 women out of having an abortion last year. We know they save lives, as well when it comes to treating sexually transmitted diseases. We cannot allow the Conservative vote of America to play God in the lives of those who depend on this service for their own survival,knowledge or health, as they are.

We need to know and understand that the Republican conservatives and Tea Party sponsored Republicans as well as the moderate, that claims to be conservative (this includes the entire field including, Ron Paul, of all the candidates running on the Republican ticket), who if elected, will take away all government funding to Planned Parenthood and close it down. All the Planned Parenthoods, are currently under serious attack by the Republican Party.

Vote for women in November. Vote for Obama, as the proven candidate, who signed into law a woman’s right to be paid the same as a man for the same job, after years of it being held up by the House and Senate.

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The Secret No One Will Tell

I ask my readers to bear with me as I write about views that you may not agree with, but my attempt is to give a factual history of what is so often exaggerations or lies on the view often perceived about feminism and the history of women in the work force. I certainly am not preaching to the choir nor forcing anyone’s views on anyone but presenting a historical view while disputing what Rick Santorum is saying on the campaign trail. I am not making a judgement but simply presenting a different view from what some may not be aware of. It has never been more important to explain to women today regardless of our ages, so those of us who do want to learn what is driving the Republican Party today can. I will begin in the beginning:

It is matter of Dogma in the Christian Churches of America, who deal in Dogma,and unchangeable because it goes back to Biblical days in the Catholic Church as well as the earlier established religions, that when a child is born, God breathes a soul into them. A woman’s body was considered too unclean for a soul to co-exist in. Men were actually afraid of a woman’s period and feared that it gave women an unspoken power.

Many held that the fetuses that are aborted do not have a soul or a mind and simply return as human matter, since they are dead before they are born. No one can live without a brain and it does not fully form enough to reckonize pain or to sustain life, until later into the last trimester, and explains one of the many reasons, why premature babies need to be kept alive on IV’s and or machines.

The fact that not all States have set a time limit on abortion, all these years later and some abortions are born alive, is a tragedy in our Nation. 90% of all abortions happen in the first trimesters with the other 10% happening in the second and third so these are rare abortions in numbers, fortunately. The great majority of abortions happen in the poor and minorities. I could not agree more that all live births, under these circumstances, should be handled as adoptions in America.

It was viewed for generations going back to the first of Christianity during the time of Charlemaine that, Christ established separation of Church and State when He said,”Give unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s and unto God that which is God’s. All people born alive and have a soul are returned to God regardless of how they die. By Christ going to His own crucifixion and asking for the worse murderer in the prison to be released and crucified next to Him,they believed that He showed all Christians that regardless of our sins, all we needed to believe was in Christ, and we would all go to Heaven. St. Paul wrote the same in his gospel.

Separation of Church and State became law, I believe in the 1940′s, and in exchange for the Churches staying out of State ran business, the voters gave the Churches continued freedom from taxation. The voters have the power to take that away if it ever is brought back up for vote, which is highly unlikely.

Radical feminism, unlike what Santorum says, did not give women a desire to work out of the home. In the 1940′s when the men were drafted during World War two, there was no one left to work the factories so women worked them. Women discovered they enjoyed working out of the home. Since there was no middle class, until both men and women began working, it was never a problem for babysitters as often as many as 3 generations would share the same home, and grandmothers cared for the children.

Private ownership of homes did not happen in the working class until the men returned home from the war and the GI bill both provided affordable homes and educated the returning men. Both men being educated as well as women finding they liked working out of the homes, as well as, using their minds, is what grew Americans from poverty into a middle class in America. Women were educated further, as well, and became secretaries, nurses, teachers or hair Dressers.

It was very rare and mostly single women of the wealthy, with liberal fathers, might become Doctors, lawyers or run banks. It is important that we all know and understand that there were only two classes before this; the poor and the wealthy. The poor, were all but owned by the wealthy in America at the turn of the 20th Century, and had no say over their future. They were totally at the mercy of the wealthy when it came to both the amount of wages they received and hours worked.It would take Unions to change the specter of the landscape so that laborers did not have to work until sun up to sun down with unfair wages, and they could move away from the Company Stores and move out of poverty. Minimum wage did not enter the picture until the 1960′s when the middle class was well established.

For Centuries going all the way back to the Bible, abortions were going on and as long as it was just the poor and prostitutes, and the wealthy could go to Doctors to get it done safely, neither the Doctors or the Churches ever preached against abortions, openly, or even mentioned that they were going on.Women would simply die from women’s problems or if married they would have miscarriages, if they lived.

Since the poor all lived together and often shared the same bedrooms with their parents, incest was frequent. The sisters and daughters often died with both infection and coat hangers used in abortions or from sexually transmitted diseases.The prostitutes suffered the same fate and were often impregnated by the single or married men of the wealthy stature. The poor had no money to pay for a prostitute.

The Church looked on a married man as using a prostitute as not committing adultery. There were dark ally practitioners who were butchers before Roe vs. Wade made it legal in 1969. The passage of the Equal Rights Amendment in 1971, took control of the husband over his wife away, as women were given equal rights with equal say.

The women’s right’s movement in the 1960′s, worked tirelessly to improve the lot of women so that they were no longer the property of their husbands’ and had a say in their lives. This is the radical feminists that Santorum talks about. The Women’s Rights Movement was as supportive of women who wished to be home makers as they were of women who wanted to work out of the home. They fought for equal pay for the same job men held, and it was not until OBama signed it into law, all these years later, that it actually has gone into effect.

The biggest lie that those who are against women’s rights all like to tell is that the Equal Rights Amendment is not necessary as it is given in the Constitution. Before it was passed the Churches argued that man was given domain over his wife and property in the Bible and it was interference from the State when anyone objected to women being treated poorly. Women were totally dependent on their husbands’ permission and it was no one’s business but her husband’s before the Equal Rights Admendment was added.

Any time we hear anyone say it is not necessary, because it is already in the Constitution, we know we are talking to a liar or someone who is delusional. It was not until women could use birth control and stop the sperm from reaching the egg, that they could tell the men if they wanted a child or not. Prior to this there were condoms but mostly women considered of ill repute or the wealthy used them. A man determined the size of his family.

The Plan B birth control, or the morning after pill, is no different from any other birth control in that it prevents the sperm from reaching the egg, the same all birth control does. It is called the morning after pill because it is best when taken then as it takes 72 hours for the sperm to reach the egg. It is totally ineffective if a woman waits too long and is pregnant. The baby will be born if an abortion by a Dr. is not performed. This pill is the one the Churches want outlawed and refer to it as an abortion pill. Abortions were much higher before birth control and when they were illegal, than they are today.

Abortion only became a open problem with the Churches when birth control to all women instead of just the wealthy, showed up in the 1950′s. The Church condoned the rhythm method that made many families larger, as rarely did it work.Available birth control that women could control gave women the freedom that men had and the Catholic Church in the 1950′s fought it just as hard then as they do abortions today.They and the Mormon Church along with the fundamentalists, were all together in their fight to prevent equal rights, but none put more money in and fought it harder than the Mormon Church, beginning in 1920.

When Roe vs. Wade took effect it became the fight between pro-life and pro-choice. Women were led to believe that the fetus has a brain and can feel pain but the brain is not developed fully enough to do so until the end of the 3rd cycle nor does it have a soul unless it is born alive. The Dogma is still in place that a soul can only be breathed into a live child at birth. I repeat, this dogma cannot be changed according to the beliefs of the early churches.

Santorum has already announced that if elected he will lead all of America by his Catholic Religion. The Catholic Church has selected all presidents, in I believe the last 50 years, but the Two Bushes who were elected by the Evangelicals. This time they are all in it together but the Tea Party Evangelicals crashed and burned when both Perry and Bachman left the race.

The “God father” of the Tea Party,Ron Paul, says he has no vision for the White House so it is possible that if he, who is also against abortion,endorses Tea Party candidate, Rick Santorum, and the tea party darlings, Bachman and Perry, supporters do as well, that Santorum may be able to beat out one of the Mormons running, but it is highly unlikely since his ideas are too radical for mainstream Republicans.

Santorum and Gingrich are Catholic and Huntsman and Romney are Mormons. One of the two Mormons will more likely win and if anyone believes that neither will not lead the Nation by his Mormon religion, I can only say,”Are you nuts?!

As soon as I say that, knowing Mitt Romney is currently being reported as the favorite by the media, one cannot discount the “friends of the Catholic Church”either.(I put that in quotes on purpose, as there are many wealthy members who are)The fact that Santorum would blow up the Middle East should give us all pause as to why the man is even running with Church support in the first place. If we don’t then we should question our own motives.

Our common sense should tell us that none of them are candidate material for the volatile situation that the Middle East and Korea are in, currently, and all would support the status quo or obstruct it,in the Republican Party, so we all need to question if it is simply Church sponsored, as in right-wing conservatives or John Birch Society mentality Tea Party candidates who can be appointed to the Republican Party today?

It has never been more important to vote than it is in 2012 even though the Republicans will do their best to turn away the senior citizens, minorities and Students if they do not have picture ID in 31 States. It is highly Unconstitutional to do so but their judges have made it law. It is a deliberate attempt to keep those who would vote for OBama away from the voting polls, since this is the group of people who would be less likely to have reason to carry picture ID as many take public transportation, as well as, the people who voted for OBama in 2008.

The Senior Citizens should know, if they don’t already, that the Republicans will make Social Security private the first chance they get so they should turn out in large numbers to vote for the Democrats There are many injustices that will follow when it comes to the gains that women have made. Our Social Security system actually works as is, and that is the reason that Seniors are not suffering the way other Americans are.

Not all Americans are Christians and not all of them share the same Dogma when they are Christians. That is exactly why the law was passed to protect those that aren’t in the same Churches or Faiths in order to not show favoritism to one Faith over another. It is the law that the State stays out of Religion and Religion stays out of State matters. Again the law is Separation of Church and State with the Churches not being able to influence elections or pick the person who will hold any political office. They consistently break the law and that is why some people are suggesting that they then pay taxes and why they are yelling “Persecution!’

Anyway the conservatives judges are stacked and piled high with the Republican Party in control of the House and they hope Senate in 2012. This is their year to make sure that the Equal Rights Amendment gets overturned and that abortion is removed from the Federal government and sent to the States. It is their time to strike and win and to defeat both a woman’s right for abortion and birth control, regardless of the reason, and to do away with the Equal Rights Amendment.When Romney talks about bringing back the Soul to America that is exactly what he is talking about.

When they do, then women will be pregnant and families without healthcare will also be unable to maintain the middle class status with one house hold member working, and the middle class will shrink even farther and families will return to poverty. Their belief is that if men are given back the control then women will want to stay home and nurture the child, as it is only radical feminism that has made them want to work out of the home.

Newt Gingrich (sometimes he talks too much) has already explained how they would train the African-Americans to serve the wealthy. If you missed it, he would make both janitors and babysitters out of them so they would be trained to both clean and baby sit the homes and children of the wealthy, so they can earn a pay check instead of an education.

It also explains the move against education, as well.Education, according to the Evangelicals and Fundamentalists, puts false ideas into the heads of people who learn both history and Science. You cannot attend College in a 4 year program without taking courses in both. They want all ideas of evolution replaced with Creationism in the text books, that our kids learn from, and have been successful in doing so in Kansas and the South. They do not accept global warming or Science and as a result neither will be part of the Republican platform this election year. Is it any wonder we have fallen to 26 in the World when it comes to education standards with the rest of the World?

The only thing standing in their way is Barack OBama and the Democrats, and for that reason they are desperate to get rid of them. It is also the reason we keep hearing that the Democrats are just as much at fault and standing in the way of the Republicans to be able to give jobs to the workers. It is also the reason they are all saying that Barack OBama and the Democrats are making all Americans dependent on the government. Both are pure and unadulterated Bull s**t! Instead they refuse to sign his jobs bill that would hire people for construction and inter-structure jobs.

Abortion and the fact that OBama took on cleaning up corruption in the Insurance companies,as well as tried to gain healthcare for all since the people told him it was their number one concern in 2008, are the reasons so many lies began within 6 months of OBama taking office. It has been a long 3 years of lies since.

The pro-life movement will never get this chance again so they have to make sure OBama does not win. The longer he is in office the more conservative judges will be replaced by the Democrats’ choices and then they will not have the judges to make the call to make abortion illegal.By taking it back to the States they can eliminate the Federal Decision of Roe vs. Wade made in the Supreme Court because then it will be a States right matter to decide, and they have their judges waiting.

Now you know the rest of the story. Re-elect Barack OBama in 2012, as all of our futures, in many more ways than most of us know, depends on it! (See the post entitled, “Right To Work Laws” for the ways the Republican Party are intent on paying less for jobs for the middle class)

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Setting Standards In Our Life

To leave out any confusion, for those who scoff at placing rules in our homes, and maybe are confused otherwise; Setting standards in our family, that we will all live by as well as expect our children to live by, are setting rules in our homes.

By being consistent with the enforcement of the rules we establish harmony in our homes, as well as eliminate confusion over what we expect of our child or children because we ask no less of ourselves. The rules or standards, are not unjust,too lenient, or too strict. We do the same when we set the standards in all of our lives, and that is why we know how to set them, and where to draw the line.

Too many times we set standards for ourselves and others that are simply too high to accomplish or do the reverse and set the bar too low. When we are looking for a job, someone to commit to, planning to provide for our children’s future, or what we will do to contribute to Society, we need to be realistic.

Many times we will blame life for not giving us the break it gave everyone else, when in truth, we did have the opportunity that everyone else gets but because we doubted or over-rated our own ability to perform, that of our child’s or spouse’s or felt it was beneath us, we passed on opportunity when it was right in front of our own noses.

If we are self-employed and constantly set the bids too high because our standard of living needs more, we often price ourselves out of what could have been a lucrative future if we had been more realistic about the competition we would be competing against. When we are willing to let the Company hiring, indicate what they feel is fair, and we take the lost income now, we will many times find that our exposure to others,while doing that job, can many times lead to meeting the people who will give us the break, if not finding it in the Company, where we currently work.

Although Companies are slower to show loyalty themselves, they still look for it in people, who give them loyalty. Many times they will remember we were willing to work for less and reward us accordingly,the longer we stay with them. Other times they will keep us on, when the next layoffs come around.It will never be the concern of Companies to make certain we can maintain our own standards of living, but instead, our responsibility to lower our own costs by eliminating wasteful spending.

If we understand that all people age and change their appearance and our only criteria in looking for a spouse is appearance, we are going to end up with something quite different, once we are married for a few years. Their character as well as their potential to adapt to their surroundings over trying to control it or us, along with the level of communication they exert, will offer us far more in the future, when life does become difficult.

Those who are continually angry or teary eyed or bitchy now, will not improve with age or commitment. The person that says,”I fell in love with them because they liked what I liked,” is often more in love with themselves than they are with us. We need to realize that the dating period is as phony as we are, since we both are on our best behavior. He or she are trying to impress us, as much as, we are them. Many times when they are rushing the courtship it is because they know they will not be able to fake it,for long.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that we cannot force people to think as we do anymore than we can force loyalty out of others or make them love us. If we see things, while dating, that are throwing up warning signals we need to listen to our common sense and pay attention to what we are sensing is a problem. The lies and behavior, we are picking up on now, will be part of our own hell, later, when we refuse to listen to those warnings now.

For those who are confused as to the saying, “The wedding cake is the most dangerous food of all,”I will explain what it means here. We are never so vulnerable as we are when we fall in love. We will do things unimaginable for the person that we have fallen in love with. Many will lower their own standards and the most honest of people can become liars. Many times jealousy or the inability to hang onto our spouses’ fidelity will lead to murder or criminal behavior on the part of those who would never have believed it years earlier.

2500 pregnant women who are mostly married, will be killed yearly by their spouses who professed to want children. When we telly the record of battered people in a marriage who are killed or injured and add the number who marry us for both our income or life insurance, those numbers go through the roof.

We need to sit standards before we fall in love and stand by them once we do. If we fail to marry character, but instead marry the bad boys or the wild girls, we will become part of what is bad and wild about them. We will not fix or change them and that we can take to the bank and bank on it.It maybe the only thing bankable in the entire relationship. As soon as they become bored,which is frequently, we will become history and hope that we still have our lives intact. Even though they may not want us, they often, make certain no one else will get us either.

I have written enough on children to make us open our own eyes to what direction we need to take in my previous posts but I would also like to add, that average intelligent children, do not make straight A’s unless our own pressure forces them into cheating or we hire tutors to help them.

When cheating happens we need to make certain that they are doing their own homework at home because they will rarely be caught by their teachers. Most of us would not be able to figure out their systems either. If we have average intelligence in our children, they obviously will not be getting 4 year full paid scholarships.

We need to make it both our child’s priority by having them earn income as well as our own savings will need to go into that pursuit.Lower income scholarships,not based on grades, statistically go to those living below the poverty line. Middle class students with average ability and average intelligence, who do not live below poverty, will get the least in both scholarships and loans. Buying a car when they turn 16, obviously will not be part of the plan, if education comes first.

When it comes time for all of us to give back to Society, we will need to look at our own strengths and weaknesses and decide for ourselves, where we will be able to contribute the most,in the best way that we can. If we have been doing nothing but taking or even if we are not always being paid for what we do, we have a responsibility to offer our thanks for the gifts of freedom and Democracy, we all enjoy.We need to educate ourselves in the way we will vote, that will protect both our freedoms and Democracy, and understand voting is the responsibility of all of us.

We find our own niche in life, by first finding maturity and character in ourselves and then in our spouse, by raising children who will make a positive difference in Society because they learned from our own example, as well as the guidance we instilled in them, and by giving back to America. When we set standards high enough for all to reach but not so high they or we, are bound to fail, we take responsibility for our own successes of life.

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Words Do Hurt…..They Destroy

Although, I quote a great deal of cliché’s because they do ring true, who ever came up with,”Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” had to be one callous human being or had no reality based idea just how often verbal abuse can and does destroy relationships for life.

The greatest tragedy of all is that painful words used amongst children are often the number one cause of suicide amongst our young people. What children are doing to children with the use of derogatory words on their computers,cell phones,the school bus and the playground across America has risen to a new level of hate. That adults would stoop to the level of children when using the same words against their own children or others should sicken us all.

I’m always amazed when I hear mothers firing back words like”little Bitch” to their daughters or you “little bastard” to their sons and forgetting they are supposed to be the adult. Calling our daughters and sons names when it is our job to eliminate the name calling is a tragedy in more ways than one.

Even in the best of situations (if we can call it that) name calling is the one thing that women or children will never forget.When parents call their daughters little whore or slut or equally disturbing words there is never any taking the words back. The more childish we behave as adults with the name calling the more we are destroying the ability for a loved one to like us and the more damage we are doing to Society as a whole. Too often these words are being learned from parents and passed on to children.

Just as adults when the men we love or care about or our family members label us with name calling or claim we are worthless, it hurts, even when we are older. When abusers think we are just using the milder of names, there is no such thing, because under moments of high stress, if we are in the habit of name calling the worse of the worse will slip out. Words are like brands on cattle we can never take them back or remove them. All apologies will ring hollow in the ears of the verbally abused, for a lifetime.

Too many people seem to be clueless to the fact that loving each other is not the problem. Liking each other is a real struggle. The more we use words in the form of name calling or in other derogatory forms to try to end an argument the more we set ourselves up to destroy our relationships for life. Not only do we need to stop acting like children and quit using name calling as a response mechanism; our children need to be punished with cell phone or Wii removal for a period of time, or something that will cause a hardship in their lives the first time we hear the words of disrespect come out of their mouths. We can not expect our children to respect us or others, if we never teach respect.

If we are calling names ourselves then it is going to be tough for them to have any respect for us if we do it and punish them for it.”Do as I say not as I do,” has never worked and we only fool ourselves by thinking or saying,”this is my home and I can do anything I want,” or “as long as you live under my roof you will do as you are told.” Both phrases only convince them that we are either a bully or think they are stupid.

They know we not only have a moral obligation to raise our children to adulthood but a legal one as well. If our children are still living at home after they are old enough to be on their own it only tells them that we will never force them out anyway, regardless of how they speak to us.

Verbal abuse is one of the hardest forms of abuse to defend against. When we allow ourselves to stoop to the level of children by name calling we destroy the respect of our children many times for life.No different than husbands and wives do when they do the same thing.

We give to and sacrifice for our children because we love them and want to give to them,in many cases, but another well-worn phrase that means nothing to our children is,”after all the things that I have done for you.” Children are about as manipulative as they come and they get smarter every year. They also understand that if they tell us that such and such has and I don’t have…..a great deal of what we will buy for them, is many times purchased to stop the child from whining,to gain our children’s love,to make ourselves look good,to compete with our friends, or simply that they won when they got what they wanted because we were too stupid (in their minds) to know we were being played by them.

Too many people just form the idea that our children are rebelling and do not bother to do anything about it. Yes if we have done our jobs and taught them to be self-sufficient and then turn around and treat them like babies or if we haven’t done our jobs, teenagers will rebel. What too many parents do not understand is there is almost always a reason for those bad moods as well. We need to get to the bottom of why the outbursts are becoming more and more frequent. Parents who withdraw during this time of their children’s’ life thinking what ever it is they are just going to have to work it out for themselves because they are adults now, can make or break the difference in the lives of their child.

“Our children need to know we trust them,” is the most ridiculous response we can give to rebellion.What they really need to know is they have a parent in their life who gives a damn if they do make a mistake. Many times they are going through the worse struggles of their lifetimes and there will never be any time in their lives that they will need their parents more than during this time. They need our ability to guide them when they are in doubt or do not have the capacity to work themselves out of the mess they may have gotten themselves into,still often after they leave home, but definitely while they are still at home.

We must make them know we are approachable and welcome them in our lives. If we offer both a refrigerator filled with Coke or Pepsi and a private place for them to gather they will many times make our homes their “crash Pads”(sorry that is an old 60′s phrase). Other times if we are up when they come home they many times will want to talk if they know we are accessible and we are playing the adult role expected of parents.

They all have friends what they really need are parents.I do understand the difficulty of getting them to talk, sometimes is like trying to have a conversation with a porcupine, but reaching out to them at this time in their lives will often spell the difference between success or failure in their lives.If we are ever going to be the grown ups it is never more important than this time of their lives.

If we are childish enough to call them names or go after them on attack they will be at their friends houses getting the advice, many times, that will be the last thing we want them to be getting. Like for instance,” have another beer or do you want a smoke before you leave?” Our children only bring their nicest friends around to meet us. Those that they know we will never approve of but who have the connections to the”good times” are the ones we never meet.

We parents need to reach out and offer understanding during the teen years as well as be on our toes full-time as to where they are hanging out and who they are spending time with. When we do find out we need to ask questions in regards to what their thoughts are in how they plan on handling a situation and ask them if we can offer a little imput to the situation. When we go in with all barrels drawn on the attack and stinging them with name calling we will never be part of this important time of their lives.

I repeat that both children and sometimes adults, become what we say they are. The more positive you/we are towards our/your children and wives the more positive they will be in return and it works the same with negativity. Call your daughters or wife a whore and they will often prove you correct, regardless of what age they are.For all of us adults who do not already know and understand this, many times it is the person who is having the affair that yells foul the fastest and the loudest.

If we refuse to grow up our children will do the same. They are faced with so many mixed emotions as in one way they cannot wait until they leave home and in another they wouldn’t mind being a child for a lifetime if we have been generous to them while they were growing up. We have already had our chance and now its time we be the grown up who guides the family through the storm. When we guide them through the toughest parts of adolescence and their young adult years so they become the people they were meant to be,it will be the best journey we ever take when the grandchildren are placed in our arms.

(If this subject matter sounds familiar it is because I have written on it several times in the past. I will continue doing so until I quit hearing Parents say,”What can we do? They are teenagers,” Next to the new-born stages they are the most important years of our child’s development, in my opinion. Good Luck and enjoy the humbling experience they teach us all.)

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Cont…..But He Is A Good Father

The two biggest arguments that women use when staying in an abusive relationship are:”I still love him,” and “He is a good father.”

If we could get through the message to people who are abused that it takes both people to show and express love and that love does not hurt then perhaps the abused would look at their relationships more realistically. I’m not sure how we do that,myself, as many times the abused have been told so many times “how worthless they are.” many are convinced that they and their children can not survive if they do leave the marriage. All I do know for certain is that telling women that they do have a duty and obligation to go back to the marriage bed and to try harder to work with their husbands and to pray does not work and often leads to tragedy to the entire family.

All the favorite meals,mood lightening, and following detail to the explicit demands of an abuser does nothing towards stopping the abuse, either. One of the other problems of abuse is many times when women do say, “I don’t have time to do what he wants today,” and he does come home and beats her,she will think it is her fault because she did not follow orders. The abused do start believing that they are as dumb,fat, and ugly as they are being told they are by the abuser. They all forgive and promise they will never do it again,of course,but it never last. During the forgiveness period many are that sweet loveable person the women fell in love with and they become convinced they are deeply in love and could never leave, all over again. Living in fear becomes a rush and if it does not become comfortable then it becomes normal for them, the longer it goes on. It becomes easier all the time to deny all of the rest.

Of course, a parent who is thinking clearly, would never say,”He mistreats me but he is a good father.” We all understand that children cannot watch turmoil between their parents and come out with anything but psychological damage as a result of it.We know that whether children are watching abuse take place on others or it being inflicted on themselves, it alters the personality of the person they were meant to be as early as 3 years of age. To cause this kind of damage to a child does not make any of us a good parent when we realize that this type of harm or damage will affect the entire life of our children. They will grow up totally confused as to how to effectively deal with a relationship and many times will abuse themselves.

Other times the children come out just as demoralized as the battered women because just as she has no self-esteem or identity beyond him neither do the children. The sons will often repeat the same disgusting names to both their mother or sisters as are coming out of the mouth of the abuser.Many times he learns that the only value women have is to wait on and look after a man. The sons learn to bully and the daughters learn to withdraw, other times sons will become intimidated and withdraw while daughters become more aggressive and tend to become more sexually active when incest, many times becomes part of the abuse as well. This is typical behavior patterns when the abused are saying.”He is a good father.” no differently than when the children are being beaten as well.

Policemen can pick up the mentally ill and have them hospitalized without family approval in cases of discovery according to the Baker law. The problem is that putting women into shelters under the same circumstances will often times jeopardize the safety of the other abused women who are in hiding. If the victims do not want to go or be there, which is often the case, they will get ahold of their abusers and let them know where they are and once the secret address of the shelter becomes known then the safety it offers for other abused victims no longer exists.

Like all of the problems that do seem unsolvable there are solutions once an entire community of experts put their heads together to come up with different ideas. Sadly that all costs money and time and too many do not have one or the other to offer to the group. I am the first to admit that I do not have much to offer in way of solution,myself. I just understand that as long as we ourselves go into denial when our friends tell us they ran into something that gave them the black eye,because we do not want to embarrass our friend,we do the abused a disservice by not discussing it. Too many are ashamed to talk about it but once confronted by understanding instead of accusations, when the relationship is a close one,many times they will want to talk.

If we educate ourselves on the knowledge available to them like going to see their Doctor or the police and enquire about getting into a shelter or they will only repeat the behavior until it becomes worse, we can help empower them. Offering sympathy will only make them feel better temporary and they will go back to the abuse. Other times they will rely on us for their courage and do nothing else, Many times when the abuser finds out the abused are relying on a confidant they will end the relationship. I repeat, we need to empower them to get help so they do not rely on our hand holding but instead rely on their own ability to seek help.

Currently in some of the States when police are being called to domestic calls, both the abuser and the victim are being arrested and spend the night in jail or at least a couple of hours until things cool down a little. I do not think putting abused victims in jail is right but if we did pass laws that made protecting abuse and abusers illegal in our State, perhaps the abused could be hospitalized and at least kept long enough to try to work with the mental damage that is often done to the entire family by an abuser. I can already see the problems that could come out of that as well, and that is why abuse is such a difficult problem to work with and to solve.

Like everything else that is preventive, we simply need to learn and educate ourselves while we are dating and making lifetime choices for a mate. If he or she strikes or hits us or throws things at us, while dating, he or she will become much worse after marriage. Dating is the time that we are on the best of behavior and any names being thrown at us while dating will go from being cute to vindictive after marriage. Anger that is not part of the grieving process very rarely subsides without being able to release it. Healthy people will talk to someone or get professional help in order to either let go or to work more effectively around it. Others hide it behind alcohol and drugs. If we are doing both with the abusers while dating then we need to understand the hell we will put our children through if we marry them and continue the same recreational behavior.

All parents need to know and understand just how important an education beyond highschool is to all of our children. Both boys and girls. Too many times the number one reason that our children do stay in an abusive situation is because of the fear that they could not financially support their children alone,as well as, they can by staying in the abusive situation. Education does not only give them the out to do that but it also establishes the confidence in our children that often leads to their knowing they deserve better and to get out before any more damage is done to their children or our grandchildren. None of the expensive birthday parties or clothes that we are currently buying them will lead to the success of their lives as an education will. Even though abuse does also exist in the educated, it is considerably less, and nothing empowers our children like an education does.

Whatever lays ahead for abuse I feel it needs to be dealt with,as it lies at the root cause of what Americans should be most ashamed of, as well as, is twin to crime, in America today. To just wash our hands and give up or worse yet to blame the victims and do nothing, when we are so much better as a Nation than that,shows poorly against us all.At the same time I applaud all of you who have dedicated their years and time working towards finding solutions only to find out that the root problem towards solutions does lie in the victims themselves, who have been so deeply brainwashed in fear or have learned to adapt to it,to the point they do refuse help offered to them,too many times.Somewhere there is a bridge that will join the gap that does lead to successful treatment and my faith is in the fact that we will find it. Thanks to all of you who are looking.

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Will We Ever Stop Abusers?

Until we can make women and men understand and realize that the only way we can stop abuse is for adult people, who are being abused, to empower themselves,abuse will always remain.Unless we accept the reality of it happening in one out of every three homes on every block in every town,city or village, and being protected by our Christian-Judeo Society with the power of the right-wing, Tea Party and special interest groups in their corner, abuse will remain the corner-stone of crime in America.

If you have been reading my posts then you understand that I write about taking responsibility for ourselves and teaching our children to do the same. We women cannot get stronger as long as we all hold the hand of the women who are being abused, since in doing so we continue weakening them as well as ourselves. Instead we need to point out to women who will and do protect abuse and abusers what their responsibilities are and help to empower them against such treatment. Sitting in judgment of them or pointing fingers and finding blame, is no better than offering sympathy and doing nothing.

If they do get the courage to leave then we need to be certain that they are kept safe by making laws that will keep them safe as well as providing the necessary support systems that they will need. We have already made good gains in those areas and now we must convince them through our Churches that love does not hurt. Divorce is acceptable when the protection of our families are at stake. As long as abused and neglected children are growing up to become criminals and being put to death, then we need to empower ourselves into knowing and understanding that we cannot be treated like second class citizens or worse, unless we allow ourselves to be treated that way.

We know that anger-management classes that are court ordered for abusive people,whether men or women fail. We know the laws are set up to let men off sometimes in a matter of months when they kill their children and wives and are found guilty of manslaughter. Women will serve much longer if not the full 20 years, when they kill the abusers. We know that rapist and pedophiles are never cured.

We know that men have been viewed for centuries as being weak if they cannot control their women.We offer very little in the form of help or understanding for men who are victims of abuse.A real man settles his differences with fist in many parts of our Society.

We know 9 million Morman people believe women cannot go to Heaven unless a man takes them there. We know the many other millions into the billions of women have been brain washed into believing it is their duty to serve their man and make them happy regardless of how they are being treated in return. They do tell the men they must respect their women,wink wink.

Is there any wonder that bullies start out on the playgrounds of school and grow up to bully all their lives? We as a Society are clearly condoning if not promoting the superiority of men in a Christian-Judeo environment. When we add ignorance to power we get abuse.

Unless we women empower ourselves to realize that the only way our children will be safe is for women to be safe, then abuse will never stop.As long as we concern ourselves about abortion then we will never concern ourselves about the real problem and that is our own safety and empowerment.

We know that in families where men and sons are being waited on that the sons will grow up and expect it of their wives. We also know that young girls are growing up being taught that the only future they do have is to serve her man and make babies that they cannot afford to educate if they were not already being taught that education is the damnation of all mankind,anyway.

We know there is more abuse in these families than there is in families that teach equality. We know that Church goers are being taught that people who teach equality in a marriage and home are no good liberals spreading lies in order to defeat religion,such as myself. We know that if men hit they do not stop hitting.The few that do leave women living in fear with the words and anger that continues. We know their sons will grow up and do the same. We also know when mothers abuse their daughters grow up to abuse as well. Both men and women are abused.

We know that when men and women are abused so are the children abused. We know far more women are abused by the cowards who are bigger and stronger than they are and the only defense a woman has against the men is a weapon, unless they are granted all of our Blessings and Dispensations to leave the marriage without making them feel guilt. We know the scars left on children watching mom being beaten or killed will travel hurt and harm through at least three, if not more, of the generations of that family.

We know that if we believe that incest is in low numbers and we keep the real numbers protected, then people will be less concern about young women who are abused and less understanding of the need for abortion. We know if we can keep women’s’ emotions upset over abortion then we can get them to vote for the right-wing and tea party candidates who want to change the Constitution to deny equal rights.

We know that poverty and prostitution is the number one cause of abortion and yet there is a movement under way, that does not seem to concern the religious community, to legalize prostitution. The fact that it has served the pleasure of the superior male species only and has not been considered adultery in past history and existed since the days of the bible makes it acceptable,sadly. Even when it is the number one cause of death in young women either through, disease,murder or addiction.

I have only scratched the surface of why abuse happens and if not smiled on, certainly we are and have been blinding ourselves to the truth of it since the beginning of time. The only way we can stop it is by women taking responsibility for their own poor behavior because men never will give up the place of superiority over women unless we women make it clear that we and our children will no longer tolerate being treated that way. We begin today by educating ourselves.

If he is abusive he is abusive. It is not our fault that he is an inhumane jerk but it is our fault if we put up with it. If we date jerks we will marry jerks. If we marry jerks our children will pay the biggest price of all for the poor choices we make. If we sleep with everyone we meet then we will definitely fall for one of them and it only takes one to destroy the rest of our life along with our children. Divorce does cause pain to our children but it causes less pain than watching their mothers being beaten or cleaning up their blood.

Just as we women and the majority of good descent men, who come from functional homes, want to see our children happy our children want to see their moms and dads happy and the only way we can accomplish that is in equality of the genders. Women need to take the choices they make much more serious than what a man looks like and how he dresses and men need to do the same. Character can be disguised for a while but it can’t be hidden forever and for the sakes of ourselves as well as our children we need to make it our top priority.

No self-respecting human being will want to take control over another adult human being who is family, much less call the mother of their children a whore, bitch,slut and worse.Unless we are a policeman, a member of the Court system, or a jailer we guide and offer help to people, we do not control them. We need to take ownership of our own responsibility and teach our children the same by practicing and teaching equal respect for all the God-given abilities that both genders are given. We begin today.

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