Are Children REALLY Flexible?

This has been previously published by me but it does us all well to be reminded in the current environment that our children need to be made aware that we adults are always fighting for their need to feel secure and safe.

Sadly there are too many adults who claim to be representing the best interest of our children while neglecting the most innocent amongst us. I will continue to post reminders, every once in awhile, just as I did this post ,previously, until we all know that all of our children are safe:

I’ve heard it for years now that “children are flexible” and I have always wondered about the truth in the belief. It is true that children are more accepting than adults. At least in the beginning years of their lives.

Watch children playing at a playground side by side and one can readily see their acceptance of each other. They play together by playing around each other without really communicating. They reach the same place at the same time and one will instinctly go under while one goes over or one will squeeze to the side or stand back and let another pass without ever communicating the direction that each will take.

It is only later, say in about the 9th year of their life that they appear to start noticing the differences between themselves. Much of the cruelty we see in children comes from the environment of their own homes and is spread through out the school grounds or on school buses. I doubt that acceptance and flexibility are the same. I believe that children effected by trauma are no different from adults who are effected by trauma. We see so many obese children, with some being diet related, but isn’t there also the possibilty that children are stuffing their feelings down with comfort food no different from what adults do?

I know adults who have no memory of their childhood because they have learned to block it. Is it a learning that started in childhood where they began blocking trauma so have no memory of it as adults? Do quiet children who go off and play while saying little to nothing of their trauma as accepting as what we are made to believe. If so why do the symptoms of the same often wait to express themselves in suppressed memories through health problems decades later?

The medical field sees children younger and younger who are suffering from anxiety, stress related illness, psychosis, and other ailments considered adult related in the past. The arguments stand, “it is just a better ability to diagnose earlier.”

If so is that a symptom of children suffering their traumas in silence in years past? Children go into denial and start fanatasizing a better life for themselves, where abuse is present, and isn’t that in truth the same behavior we see in adults when their life doesn’t work according to what their plans for themselves were in their youth? Did this behavior begin in childhood and then just got set aside temporarilly when things appeared to be working for the adults who then switched to denial to justify why their dreams did not come true, later?

If children are so flexible then why do children of alcoholics grow up to be alcoholics? Why do children of abusers grow up to abuse? Why do children of drug users grow up to use drugs? Why do children of batterers grow up to batter? Why do sexually abused boys sexually abuse as men while sexually abused girls become promiscuous?

Many times there are a great deal of withdrawal symptoms in form of social developement in all of these children. It is not unusual that parents instead determined their child to be shy, emotionally immature, or sadly too often, “they are just happy normal children” when that is so far from the truth. I understand that none of these patterns of behavior are set and true in all children of parents that behave badly. Sometimes the children will actually use their parent’s behavior as a pattern as to how not to behave. We refer to it as learned behavior or environmental but isn’t it also possible that it is as a result of trauma in infancy or childhood and in truth our children are not so flexible, after all?

I maintain that unless, we as a Society, get over the idea that children are flexible and start paying more attention to them, when they do speak, that we will ultimately be inviting government into every facet of our lives. If we want laws that protect us, we must first begin with our children in order to eliminate the need of government in lesser degrees, in our lives later.

The long and short of laws and government is that if “we the people” are doing our job and accepting our responsibility then there is never a need for government to intrude into our lives. My experience has always been that government is an asset to all of us who pay our taxes, bills, take care of what we can afford and follow the laws of our States. When we can’t we should never be ashamed for asking our government for a hand up because many others are just a pay check away, themselves, from having to ask government for help. I have never seen the person who complained about their taxes going to the hungry who did not have to learn that lesson as well.

As long as children continue to be used as pawns amongst divorcing parents. Ignored, neglected, or bought off by the self-centered. Severely abused by the irresponsible, spiteful, or mean spirited parents, adults, or care givers or left to go hungry by the narcissistic personalities amongst us; then we are opening up the flood gates of government to move into all of our living rooms.

If any of those words seem to be harsh then consider yourself what words you would use when it comes to abusing an innocent child, neglecting a child because a parent ignores the child’s emotional needs over their own, or an adult believes children with less opportunity should be left to die of starvation? We all must realize our own responsibility or take a position on how to deal more effectively with the most innocent amongst us, if we truly consider ourselves human. If Americans cannot be grateful and give back then WHO? Luckily, most Americans do understand and realize that their own success has been as a result of generosity and opportunity.

Too often over-worked and under paid Children Protective Services only return these children to dysfunctional homes so they are offended again. When I think of some of the foster care homes that I have known, personally, I shudder. I do understand that in many cases they are a God-send over the abusive homes many of these children come from, just as well. As a Nation we should not have to be dealing with children in adult Courts on charges of murder. We need to do better for our children.

I leave it up to all of us, Do we really think that children are flexible or should we as a community be doing more to help or do we need to continue with the “mind my own business” theory that has ran the way of thinking for generations? The other thought that I will leave everyone with is,”How can we acknowledge that neglect, abuse and battering is happening” as long as we deny that it happened to us?

Doesn’t the responsibile amongst us have an obligation to help those who won’t take responsibility, when it comes to child care or do we wait until government enters our living rooms and then gripe about government being there?

Doesn’t it ultimately, become the responsibility of all of us to have less rather than more government in our lives? It is amazing how many of us never do have to deal with government once we pay our fair share of taxes, live according to law, and only deal with government when we collect our earned pension, GI Benefits, or Social Security checks. It isn’t like government is breathing down the backs of those who give of their time and good fortune, show children our love and develop responsibility through example, while obeying the laws of our States and Nation.

Why are so many Conservatives and Tea Party members, today, so disgruntled over healthcare for those who most need it, housing and Agricultural food surpluses provided for the homeless and hungry, early childhood education that often does mean the difference between pass or fail in our children? Why do they profess family values while they attempt to eliminate the size of government that provides for these needs if they are living the same moral convictions that is common in all of the rest of us? Just something to ask ourselves.

Common sense should tell all of us: We do need to put the rules of common decency first for all of our children, if we are to eliminate me first and only as in selfishness, rudeness, crimes, and all other ills of Society before these same children grow up to become adults. Bringing more children into the World to be further mistreated is not the answer for anything other than for using birth-control, unless we are all willing to help those who are already here.

We see and hear every hour on the hour and every day of the week in conversations and on the news, where perhaps our children were not so forgiving and flexible after all, and it shows once they become adults.

When we can have so many great and positive results in children as we do,(Yes including in gay, loving, and single parent homes, where parents compromise). Isn’t it way past time we all maintain the same security for all of our children through better laws to safeguard them and those who fall through the holes?

Why don’t we demand that our elected officials take the fact that 1/3 of all children in America die from guns in the home, while one child dies of hunger or hunger related diseases every 5 minutes in America, and education is the way out of poverty through affordable cost, for the truth and facts that they represent?

Will we vote accordingly to protect our children? Will we ever accept total responsibility of all of us, as an obligation to the safety and well being of all children, if not in name then in concern; whoever they are and wherever they live? It begins with one person at a time until we hear the voices of justice rising from all of the adult population amongst us. Too many have relied too long on the belief, ” Children are Flexible.”

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Jodi Arias And Arizona Law

I’ll put my two cents into the fray as this case over many others, seems to me, to have captured the Nation’s attention and taken on a life of it’s own to a maniacal level. It also is the longest running trial in the history of Arizona.

I am always amazed by the hate that comes from people when a liar and a murderer is put on trial. Despite what the pundits may think about Jodi Arias’ defense team they gave her an iron clad case that will stand up against any appeals some other defense team may try to file, on appeal. We forget that this is the job of any Defense attorneys under the law. When the evidence was so clearly stacked against Jodi and her lies, it became even more important that a defense team put on an aggressive defense. To do anything less would only come back and hurt the Alexander family even greater.

When a criminal is given less than a stellar defense team, there are too many times when the family will be subjected to more heart-ache and suffering with a brand new trial, if the defense attorneys are found to be incompetent in defending their clients against crime and especially in death cases. Those of us who do care for the welfare of the victims’ families should hope to see a good defense put on just as we would hope for if we wanted to spare our own families against more heart-ache of a new trial on appeal.

One murder trial for any family is always one too many to have to endure. This was not a time to have a defense team who refused to only question the prosecutor’s findings or to have a lawyer who fell asleep at the trial. The better the evidence as was available at this trial, and put on by the prosecutor’s side,the more of a defense we should want to see offered even though it sometimes may make our skin crawl.

Since I do not hang out with people found guilty of murder you must excuse me if I sound cynical but don’t all murderers lie? I have never heard a murderer confess to the fact they have any memory of the crime, while they are stabbing someone, or a defense attorney who would advise their client to acknowledge the fact that they did, if they did have.

Aren’t all who murder and on trial, defending themselves, arrogant, narcissistic, and sociopaths? Don’t defense attorneys in their efforts to defend these offenders often put the victims on trial in an effort to lessen the punishment of the people they are defending? We all hate that they do but their job in a criminal case is to save the life of their client or to win acquittal. The only people who usually do understand the job of Defense attorneys are the people who are unfairly accused. Didn’t Jodie lie on the stand because of the arrogance that she could convince a jury of her innocence?

Unless a defendant has told so many public lies already, Defense lawyers will not put them on a stand. The more arrogant they are the more they do choose to go against the advice of their lawyers, who are hired to give them Justice under the law. Defense attorneys either buy into the lies and promote the same that was told to them, while adding their own personality and propensity to ignore the facts, or they truly believe their client to be innocent. In many cases they are.

The Defense attorney will also advise those clients who are innocent to take the stand or not to as well, and a jury should never buy into innocence or guilt if the defendant does or does not take the stand. Doesn’t all defense attorneys attempt to degrade the scientific evidence or accuse the police of sloppy handling of the evidence or produce their own opposing evidence, when the client can afford the same ? Don’t all who murder, leave behind loved ones to grieve, their own families included?

So what makes this case so much different from all the other cases of murder to the point that the Jury, who sacrificed greatly of their time away from loved ones who they could not speak to about what was going on in their lives for five months, that they are now receiving death threats from the angry or insane that should be in therapy themselves?

It is not uncommon that jurors do think they can convict someone of the death penalty until they actually are appointed judge and jury and have the life of another person in their hands. Until and when we all acknowledge that it is the insane Arizona Law itself that is responsible for the problem the jury was confronted with, then calmer heads will not prevail.

The facts of life in America are or should be the following:

1. Either we as a Nation accept the fact that our State is a Death Penalty State or we do not. When the majority vote accepts it as the same, then the Judges should Pronounce sentences according the Statutes of the Laws in that State, once the jury finds the offender guilty of first degree murder, even when it does include death penalties.

2. Why Arizona or any other States do decide to keep the Death Penalty and hold the jury responsible for the decision of death when they have already found Jodi Arias guilty of first degree murder with extenuating circumstance of extreme cruelty, is beyond me.

3.The Judges themselves are bound by the Statutes of law in their own States as to how much time the criminal needs to spend in jail with every other crime committed in the United States. Why shouldn’t it also be the judges decisions, once hearing oral arguments from the lawyers, to determine punishment? They are given that freedom when they disagree with the juries decisions on first degree murder anyway, in other States that have the death penalty.

4.Either the States accept the death penalty is not cruel and unusual punishment or they establish life imprisonment. Once the voters of the States accept that they want to retain the death penalty and the Prosecutors prove first degree murder with extreme cruelty doesn’t common sense tell all of us that the Jury has served and performed their duties? The defendant becomes the criminal since they have been found guilty in a Court of law by their peers, at this point, and that should be all that is asked of any jury anywhere.

5. Who amongst us could actually send another person to death when our knowledge of the person’s intent and our own interpretation of the law is so overwhelmingly lacking? I don’t think we could find 12 jurors, who do not hate and based on the level of evidence, who could all handle in good faith, the responsibility of killing another human being.

6. We as a Nation who asks our jurors to do just that aren’t understanding the full realm of consciousness that plays a role in asking jurors to do the job that should be worked out between people of law, in my estimation.

Even though Democracy is made up of majority rule we should always understand that States that vote for the Death Penalty are not made up of the same view in 100% of its population. Many of those who never question their ability to find a person guilty and believe they can ask for the death penalty are the first to crumble when placed under the pressure of deciding the fate of another.

The only time we ask our citizens to be 100% in agreement is when they serve on a Jury. It is not very realistic for anyone to believe they are in 100% agreement, when many decisions are made by juries, despite the fact they agree to the same when they are polled. Even twins, married couples, best friends, and siblings are rarely in 100% agreement. It is not unusual for people who serve on juries to suffer nightmares, afterwards, when they were convinced by their own conscious or by others, at the time of the verdict, their decisions were the correct ones.

Jurors are told not to give in to pressure but to vote their own common sense and conscious. Seldom is that allowed to be applied by the time juries end their discussions.

The only way I can perceive that 12 people who are not related to the victims or friends of the same, do not have biases or bigotries with preconceived notions, are not tired of the case after 5 months and want to go home, do not have an axe to grind, or any other negative influences of anger and such, as all objective jurors must be, could all in good faith,100% of the time find the death penalty against another human being would be:

1. If they were bullied into the same as they often are
2. If they were tired of listening to another person on the jury
3. If they discounted guilt or innocence because the person on trial or the defense attorney did not present themselves well.
4. If they were made to feel their point of view was stupid or foolish
5. If they are a crowd pleaser
6. If they are too shy or intimidated to speak up for what they believe
7. If they vote out of empathy for the victim’s family over interpretation of the law
8. If they went into the discussions liking the prosecution team better and believing that Prosecutors are always more ethical and honest than are Defense Attorneys
9. If they felt that the defendant would not be on trial unless they are guilty
10.If the evidence against the extenuating circumstances and pleas of the families over-rides the interpretation of the law, which is always subjective, when left to self-interpretation by juries who are not trained in law
11,If they just plain do not like the defendants and want to find them guilty
12.If they made up their minds of guilt before the trial and ending arguments were heard
13.If they believe, “an eye for an eye”, when that has never applied to the law in any State and is not part of any jury instructions,EVER
14.If their own feelings for sparing life is not over-weighed by their feelings of death being justified under any and all circumstances in murder cases
15.They are sick of the case and blame the defense attorney or the prosecutors the most for prolonging it, regardless
16.If in very remote cases the Defendant ask their attorney not to present evidence but instead to ask for the death penalty during the penalty phase of the case.
17.On equally rare occasions, the jurors all are unanimous in the belief that there is absolutely no reason that the Court should show mercy due to a difficult childhood, mental illness, or up-bringing even when the judges inform them that this needs to be taken into consideration during their discussions in the penalty phase prior to reaching a unanimous verdict

People do murder in approximately one third of all murder cases after having a child hood of loving parents and pampered lives,and in these murder cases 100% verdicts of asking for death are made simpler for jurors who can do so in clear conscious, just as they can for those very rare times that the murderer asks for the death penalty. Approximately one third of all murders are committed by people who were never disciplined as children or told “No”, they could not have something when they were children.

These murderers were never made to take responsibility for their own actions or behavior. In the case of neglect we can find a child who grows up feeling unloved and unworthy of the important values of life. A good defense attorney will evoke sympathy of the jurors for these clients even though it is a more difficult of a job to do so with many juries, when physical or sexual abuse or mental illness are absent.

It is the job of Defense Attorneys to attempt to evoke sympathy for their client during the penalty phase of a trial, usually through witnesses or family members. If the defense attorneys do not present an earnest effort during this phase of the trial,the clients can prove ineffective representation in some cases when on appeal.

Some clients are such loners or reprehensible the attorney alone will fight for the client since no one else will speak for them, the client wants to spare their own families and doesn’t want anyone else to speak for them, or the client does ask for the death penalty themselves. When a lack of defense is offered during the penalty phase, unless requested by the clients, and the case is repealed because of it, a new trial can be ordered making it necessary for the victims’ families to have to go through the same kind of agony that only a case of murder can bring with it.

Could those of us who have suffered abuse or have family members afflicted with mental illness totally disregard mercy for those who suffered from either or both 100%, realistically, even knowing their crime showed extreme cruelty? Jurors who agree to totally disregard mercy towards abusive upbringing or mental illness as a reason to find in favor of the death penalty a 100%, without understanding case study in law, are not by nature equipped to do so.

Sadly, the other previously acknowledged 15 factors on the list of 17 above scenarios, happen too often in juries. For that reason alone, it should be the biggest argument for why Judges should determine the penalty phase once the defendant has been found guilty by their peers in a court of law.

Lawyers always work out the penalty phase and agree on sentencing, and a Judge accepts the penalty, in first degree murder cases when a murderer pleads guilty. Why should it be any different once a defendant is found guilty by their peers in a Court of law? Judges have been given that discretion, even when Jurors are asked to decide death in the penalty phase in Capital Death States, elsewhere. There has already been plenty of precedence set for Judges to over-rule the decisions of jurors made during the penalty phase, for many years now. Shouldn’t we ask ourselves in a Capital murder case, when judges are all bound by preceding law,”Why” jurors are asked to decide death in Capital Murder? .

This jury acted exactly as it should have and should be congratulated for their efforts to seek justice. If more of us made an effort to understand what is expected of a Death Penalty Jury we would either change our own States to life in imprisonment without parole or acknowledge that this jury, unlike many others showed all of us that they do know more than most when it comes to finding Justice under the law according to their own conscious.

I am always amazed by those who call themselves Christian, and then turn around and support the worse that is seen in juries over the best that is seen, as this one has demonstrated the best of juries. It is nice to see that Arizona can still put together a jury of justice despite some of its’ other more inane or insane laws. I think the whole fascination with this entire case should leave us all shaking our heads, to be honest. My prayers are with the Alexander and Arias Families. God Bless you!

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And So It Goes…………..

While I took a break to remodel, read, paint and to travel I have experienced the dichotomy of the American and political brain when it comes to words not being put forth into actions and the handling of disasters.

Sadness spread by the hurricane on the East Coast followed much later by the tragedy in NewTown, only to be brought to an increased crescendo in Boston and now the disasters in Moore, Oklahoma will certainly(or should) rain on the parade of the Isis witch hunts or the GOP’s strategy sessions to degrade our President’s attempts to help the American middle class even further.

I will explain myself further if I am the only one who is correlating the dichotomy of the contradiction of the American politics in America:

1. At a time that politicians in Oklahoma are passing the personhood bill to ensure all rights of human life to a fetus who in many cases may not even be viable to sustain life outside of the womb and in other cases can lead to the death of a woman, they fail to see the importance of providing tornado shelters for the alive children in their States.

2. AT a time when Isis appears on the network and cable news assuring the public that he is going to work with President Obama to pass immigration changes he continues to attack and berate Eric Holder and President Obama as being in cahoot’s to lie to The American people and of intimidation and corruption, while off camera.

3. While the GOP and Conservatives in the Democrat Party reach out in an effort to express horror over the NewTown shootings they hands down vote down measures that would and do protect the American people and our children from future attacks in our schools, on our streets and in our homes. 

4. The above mentioned; along with the Tea Party, white supremacists groups,members of Washington D.C.’s political power, lobbyists, and our States show up at the NRA Convention where they help promote the lies to the NRA membership of 75,000 strong that these efforts to safeguard our children are only efforts by the Obama Administration and the Liberals to take away their guns.

5. Anyone who can not see the dichotomy of the Tea Party and Conservative cause that bans equal rights to women in their National Platform but profess concern for future generations while professing to be God Fearing and protectors of the Faith, Constitution, and Democracy clearly are not seeing reality.  To continually operate opposite of speech in action is a clear cut reality of not just the far right, Tea Party, and Conservative cause but also of the way too many amongst us vote.

6. The two headed monster of dichotomy in America is alive and healthy in too many of the burbs and rural areas in the Red States and the Conservative hold outs in the Blue States across America.  I noticed the very large billboards advertising the various number of Churches while we were driving into Pensacola Florida. 

Would Christ truly approve of such commercialization knowing over a 5 year period that those billboards cost in the neighborhood of $100,000.00 per sign and each Church has their own sign of advertisement? Couldn’t that money be better utilized elsewhere, since all the churches are also listed in both the motel room directories as well as the yellow pages? 

I also saw many of the Breadbasket and Bible belt States accusing a caring and compassionate Democracy that treats ALL American’s needs as being the practice of Socialism. Those billboards and signs are interspersed amongst the States that claim Christian values along our highways as well.

Since so many, I noticed, are also driving around with bumper stickers that read: “Put Christ back in Christmas,” to the point they fail to see the over-whelming generosity towards the less fortunate and the most innocent amongst us at Christmas time, of non-Christians and Christians alike, is the most Christ-like behavior we can express; couldn’t we argue that perhaps the majority of us are failing to see the obvious while the politicians and their paid for media are playing us for fools because too many of us are disengaged or in denial?

Where is the outrage when the IRS does question legitimately the huge numbers of groups who clearly are political that hides behind Religious or freedom of ideology just to get tax breaks that are not legal? 

Where is the outrage when the same people who start the witch hunts failed themselves to legislate the necessary funds that would have safeguarded our Embassys over seas? 

Where is the outrage when the innocent amongst us are left unprotected because the members of the GOP refuse to allocate the funding necessary to keep our children safe, or for that matter pass laws that would limit the amount of fire power by limiting the number of bullets in the size of the magazines?

We the People keep speaking to the political leaders across the Nation and their reponse is to actually accuse the government for interfering while we continually see the need for government to help us but our elected officials are refusing to do anything that will help us. 

Perhaps the only part of government we truly do need to down size and eliminate are our elected officials in Congress who claim to be on our side when tragedy strikes but votes against us when they have both a moral responsibility to vote for our needs and are elected to show competency as our elected officials.

While the media broadcasts and the GOP tries to tie a link with the mismanaged, scandalous and sometimes misunderstood depts. of government to our President has anyone even noticed that the deficit is going down, the previously uninsured can now get insurance while healthcare costs have gone down, the interests rates charged to students who are interested in improving their education and skills have remained low, the students who wish to go on with their education are now covered on their parent’s insurance, The GNP (Gross National Product) has doubled, housing has gone up and the economy is improving due to the changes made by the Obama Administration that is putting Americans back to work?

Where is the media reporting on the truth when Americans need to know? Hasn’t our President gone the extra step when it comes to tragedy and disaster in our Nation? Isn’t his concern and efforts for immigration change once more being stymied by those who insist they want the Latino and Hispanic vote, as usual? What bill other than the ones that apply to them personally along with their lobbyist, who purchased them, have the Conservatives in the Senate and the Congress passed in the last five years, that they were not pressured into doing because of their fear of not being re-elected? Have we forgotten that they only begrudgingly passed funds necessary to help those hit by the hurricane on our East Coast or to bring relief to the middle class and unemployed?

I will continue staying tuned in with my concerns while enjoying the retirement that my husband and I balanced the budget for that enables our enjoyment in the last quarter of our lives.

Every now and then when nothing has changed; as the GOP readies it’s strategy, with the help of the TEA Party, to enter under qualified candidates who are financially supported in the 100s of thousands and even millions of dollars and owe their souls to the cause of the Tea Party political machine; over those candidates who would put the American people first, I will check in with my readers. The Conservative and Tea Party groups claims of Social ideology over political based control or greed hurts my ears if it doesn’t yours.

With the 2014 elections coming up in less than 18 months can we not all smell the manure of another attempt to denigrate the Obama Administration
with increased witch hunts and lies spread by the Tea Party as we heard in 2010?

My empathy as always is with the suffering and tragedy of the American people. Will we ever have Republican and Conservative legislatures who acknowledge that the needs of “We the People”, needs to be their first and main concern by doing something in Congress and our States that would indicate the same?

Don’t we already have enough proof of the stall tactics of the GOP and Tea Party sponsored candidates to do nothing but to eliminate the pay scale of the middle class jobs, to lower education abilities,to protect capitalism over the people, or their failure to do that which is right for the American People as equals? Will we the majority of the electoral body get out of denial and get engaged in the true dichotomy of American politics? And so it goes………..

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Steubenville Exposes Ugly Truth About Rape

We currently are hearing so many feigned voices of shock and surprise about the rape in Steubenville,Ohio, after having had an election while one Republican candidate for the Senate spoke of legitimate rape after having co-sponsored the same bill with the Republican Vice Presidential candidate, Paul Ryan in Congress, to define legitimate rape as opposed to regular rape. Another Virginia Republican candidate called rape and the children born out of the same,” The intent of God.”

If women raped men we could all bet that women would be accused of being Jezebels and inspired by Satan if the reverse happened.  We could also guarantee ourselves it would be discussed as the most evil of acts and no woman would be left severely unpunished, regardless of how the rape occurred.

Men have gotten off with the excuse of going into a blind rage in an act of murder and instead charged with manslaughter when they kill another where women are often charged with murder 1 since the judicial system does not equate fear in women with the level of rage in men.  It totally discounts the idea that women can to act out of rage after years of abuse. Where women need a well documented history of rape or abuse, men need to establish little to no history either supportive or contrary to their own word in order to get a lesser sentence of manslaughter or for lawyers to refuse prosecution for rape charges.

When women are prosecuted for twice the amount of time that men are when death occurs in a domestic dispute, but treated more justly in other charges, we do not need to even guess how much harsher Society would be on a woman rapist than they are on men. Why so much shock and surprise over a statement that has been promoted for generations by the “Good Old Boys”,caused such a stir in the elections this year is beyond me.

Let me take this time to clarify the fact that rape amongst athletes has been taking place for generations just as the mentality has existed for Centuries, “That good girls cannot get pregnant from rape”, has existed as well. for the Republican Party or Press to deny the same is what is at the root of the ignorance in America.  To feign ignorance over rape amongst athletes or the idea that a child born from rape is a “Blessing from God,” are new ideas should leave us all sickened with those who continually dismiss the truth.  These ideas have existed since the beginning of time.

In the minds of the “Good Old Boy System”, and unfortunately some women as well, a legitimate rape is one that involves Street mugging or when a rapist breaks into the home of a woman and rapes her.  Any rapes that happen when a woman is in the company of men or marriage or in the man’s Apartment, barracks, frat house or territory, provocatively dressed or drinking, and the woman is raped it is no big deal to this mentality.  To many of both genders feel when this happens a woman is just asking for sex and rape does not happen under these circumstances.This attitude has always existed over the years, and continues being the attitude of to many.

Etiquette stated years ago, and perhaps still does,”One should never speak of politics,sex, or religion while in mixed company.”  Although I believe we have developed too casual of an attitude towards good manners, I do believe that not talking about politics,sex, or religion has left too many of us brain-dead on the issues that should matter and be discussed by all of us.  When we say the subject bores us then we are the ones who lose.  This post discusses all three subjects.

Allow me to tell you,the not so uncommon stories of its’ day in regards to women and rape.   I change the names and do not name the locations but I will not tell anything but the facts in the telling of these three stories. The names or locations are not important as these stories took place across our Nation in Jane and John Does and in anywhere U.S.A. during the era in which I write, along with years in advance of the same.

One generation does not often tell these kinds of stories from previous generations because it has to often been bred into the older generations to keep secrets in the past, or perhaps with time memory does get lost, behind both denial and disease.I begin from the truth of my own memory, that is still well-preserved. I Thank You for that Dear Lord, as I also inherited the mouth to tell the truth! Way back when there were the Landers Sisters writing and publishing the Nations problems, I was nicknamed Ann Landers since both men and women felt comfortable in telling me things that they would not even tell their husbands or wives.

1. It was the Spring of 1959 and an eighth grade girl ,who was rumored to  have been molested by a family member, was dating a young man,and together they had sex,previously,to the young girl attending a keg party with highschool athletes.  She was severely gang raped that night, as a result of drinking at the party.  No local lawyer, would take her case. The young victim had a wealthy aunt who lived 75 miles distance from the town, who could afford to pay for a lawyer, so they were able to hire an out-of-town lawyer.

When the case came before the judge, the victim’s boyfriend had been rounded up and forced to acknowledge that he had sexual relations with the girl who was the victim in this story.  The Judge threw the gang rape case out of Court and his finding stated,”No young man much less young boys could be held responsible for rape when the young girl in question, had previously de-flowered herself and was drinking alcohol under age.”Nothing was said about the young boys drinking illegally,of course.

2. In the Winter of 1964 a Catholic Priest, who the Church knew had a History of molesting young women, was given dispensation from duty as a Parish Priest and instead sent on the rounds of filling in as a speaker while conducting retreats in Convents and All Girls Catholic boarding Schools.  The same happened during this time with Priests celebrating retreats in all Boys Schools, when they had a history of molesting young boys.  The Catholic Church has come clean about their history but so many other Private Schools and Colleges are still denying that this still continues in their schools.  The Penn State Coach is NOT an uncommon story but just one of many.

3.  Going back to my farthest memory, any Sports player or Coach who brought fame to their sports program whether it was highschool, college, or the pros, were entitled to take anything they wanted to take, regardless of the size of the Town, City, or Religious affiliation. If the athlete is part of the team but not a star player then they will be used as the fall guy for the stars to remain clean. Unless it was burglary, where a Store refused to drop charges but in most cases even they could be bought off, if the athlete was a star and changed his ways.  Most Teams, while traveling elsewhere to play outside of their own town or City will have a team of scouts scouting out the local scene for a Party for them to return to.  These Parties since the 1960′s have both girls of questionable morality as well as virgins rounded up to attend.

Highschool girls have always been amongst the attendees of both sports and fraternity parties. It may be cool to a 16-year-old virgin, or not, to think they look older than they do and to go ahead and drink but when these girls do, it excuses the boys from showing the girls, respect. To many believe that when a girl says “NO” they are only teasing and instead they really want sex.  Boys have been told for generations that some girls need more convincing and when they say “No”, they really mean yes. Dress and drinking in women has always been grounds for rape, if they get drunk or even if drugs have been placed in their drinks, at these parties. I certainly do not accept that this mentality has ever been right but pretending we have not only tolerated it but promoted it for generations, makes it even more deplorable now when we deny the same.

A woman or young girl who is unconscious from drugs or alcohol has never been hands off in the minds of some boys and men and to pretend that this behavior does not happen or has not happened in the past is just another lie of the “Good Old Boy System.” I do not deny that there are some girls whose morality can make some mens’ behavior, pristine, but until we accept that prostitutes are raped, then we deny reality.

We fail women and our sisters alike, when we hold all women responsible for the behavior of a few.  All women have always been held responsible for those few women; where as all men and their behavior has been excused because of the behavior of the few women, who would set up men and yell “rape.” Rape is as unpleasant for most women to have to divulge the details and to relive the rape in a Court of law, regardless of their background, as it is for a man to get his penis removed, and yet we have always blamed victims of rape, for causing rape. Women, not men, are raped again by our judicial system.

Regardless, if it is a house party or a frat house across America the boys and men of the crowd are egged on to feel that rape is justified because “Good Girls” would not be there drinking if they didn’t want sex, has always been the mentality of the “Good Old Boy System”This mentality has existed in the “bad boys” as well as the Sports teams going back at least to the 1950′s when I first heard the stories told to me by the girls who had been raped.  Going to a man’s house or apt. under the guise of having a cup of coffee or to listen to his music, has existed for just as long, as a reason for rape.  It doesn’t have to be alcohol and to pretend that it does is only promoting the same lies. I’m sure those older than myself will tell my readers the same statement of fact, if they care to be honest with their grandchildren.

For a bunch of right-wing Republican men and the media that backs them,to feign ignorance or to act flabbergasted at the same while they continue to deny women,that this has been and remains the mentality amongst the “Good Old Boy System,” for centuries, sickened me in the Republican elections this year.  The fact that the media is now pointing a finger at Steubenville,Ohio, as being small town and unique in their cover up of the most recent rape being broadcasted, leaves me equally sick.

No one who has ever served as a cheerleader or been part of the popular or un-popular group could not possibly have attended highschool and had a successful Sports team, without knowing that this behavior took and takes place whether they were or are girls or boys.  The mentality that allows whole communities to protect rape and the behavior and mentality that broadcasts,” That these women deserve to be raped”,comes from a background in which we began early, hearing these stories as always being the fault of women. Too many women who serve on Juries are even worse than male juries when it comes to pointing a finger at the rape victims. To many times the lives of all boys, girls, and women who are raped, are destroyed by the men and women who protect these lies.

To deny that as a fact, has to make all of us ask,”Just how far has America slipped into denial?’  Will we deny that 67 Republican Tea Party members attempted to hold up funding for the Hurricane Sandy victims while FEMA was saying they were going broke and could not pay back the families who had paid into their flood Insurance?

Will we remain in denial of the fact that 183 Republican Congressmen and Senators could have cared less if it cost the middle class 100s of thousands of jobs, if we had gone over the fiscal cliff?  Did we elect them because their ideology is more important to us, than are our children and elderly, who will go hungry or without effective medical care? Will we all do better living on the Republican and the N.R.A. ideology that makes us feel unsafe without a gun in our homes even though a third of all deaths of children result as our having a gun in our homes. Will their ideology make us a better Democracy if we cannot provide for our families?

Does the N.R.A. lobbying the Republican Congress, who followed through on their bidding, to disallow funding to the Disease Control Center, make us feel even safer against Disease? If this sounds like a stupid analogy to those of you who protect the Republican Congress, rape, and guns, then just think of what you, yourselves, must sound like to the rest of the World!

Will we keep denying the fact that 50 some economists outside of Washington are saying that the only thing that is stagnating the American Economy is the 67 Tea Party members voting against the needs of the people along with the far right in Congress, who clearly want to see government go broke before they serve the needs of our elderly? Even Wall Street has joined the side of the Democrats on the damage being done to Business growth and jobs by the uncertainty of the Republican Congress. How much more can we deny until denial renders us all brainless when it comes to human decency and common sense?

I ask you,”Are we now going to pass the blame on to a bunch of kids in Steubenville,Ohio, for doing what men have always done or are we going to finally acknowledge the injustice of it, ALL! The guilty in Steubenville needs to be prosecuted along with others in our Nation.  I certainly do not mean to make allowances for the people responsible for such an ugly crime in Steubenville, Ohio, but it is our Nation’s problem. We all must take responsibility for denying these problems have always existed and still do exist.

We begin by eliminating the mindset that allows us to remain in denial, to the point that those amongst us simply accept it as “Just being the way it has always been,” before another election brings in more of the same mentality that cripples us as a Democracy. To accept it as being the way it is, has always been a second crime of humanity, against both our children and women. Those who tell us they want to go back to the 1950′s morality are lying to all of us about the truth that existed then just as it does today.

I warn all parents to think twice when they think popular,”is all that,” because a cheerleader and a popular girl are twice as likely to be raped than is a less popular girl. These girls also peak early just as the ball players do, and their best memories are as children or in highschool.  They learn ,too often, to settle for less and have a far greater chance of becoming pregnant as teenagers.  The “nerds”, on the other hand, have far greater statistics when it comes to those who go on to challenging careers following a College education and happy and contented lives.  If we parents cannot consider long-term results as a priority in our lives, then how can we expect those younger than ourselves to have common sense?

When we set up our own children to continue under the system that many of us tried to stop, we punish our children for the sins of the parents.” When we lack common decency,our children lack the same.  When we make everything about ourselves then our children do as well. When we as adults deny truth of fact and our children are raised on the same, we create the monster that often leads to more half-truths and false accusations against the victims of our Society.

Ultimately the same mentality leads to an increase failure in families and a bigger concern of increased crime in children at a much younger age. We cannot deny that the viciousness of our youth crimes are not increasing with the mentality that blames the victims over the perpetrators. As a Society brain washed in gun ownership our children have emerged as the losers. We need to hold both parents responsible for the failure of the child while we increase our endeavors to spot and treat both mental illness and drug addiction as the diseases that they are.  We need to give trained professionals who recognize the need for early intervention and parents the ability to get the help these children need through our Court Systems.

Those who claim family values would not need to talk about family values, if they had any.  Conversation along the lines of family values or the worsening of morality ultimately gives our Churches a bad name for failing at their jobs. The Conservative right is doing a bang up job of destroying Religion along with the Republican Tea Party, when they are not doing it to themselves. When questionable and charismatic Religion preaches the “Prosperity Gospels” while bleeding money from the poor and middle class and then blame the poor and middle class for their own poverty due to a lack of Faith, it is time we all voice our outrage. It takes the voice of the people to stand up to the injustices taking place and have taken place under our noses for generations. It begins with placing the emphasis on the right priorities without attacking the victims.

It never solves anything to talk when we need to be acting to stop the mentality in all of the new generations while charging those,” who do not get it”,in a Court of Law.  The mentality of,”Boys will be Boys,” has always laid at the root of the corruption in morality, since the beginning of mankind. If we want to make a difference, then we must begin today in telling the younger generations, who are our future, the ugly truth of yesterday.

To tell our grandchildren that children and women experienced a kinder gentler time in History, is and always has been a lie. Any adult who refuses to accept reality, needs to also accept that they are jeopardizing the future of their children and grandchildren, when they choose denial of the facts, over the truth. When we know better then we need to do better as a Society and as a Nation of laws.

To blame Steubenville alone is ludicrous, because if we leave them carrying the bag for what has been wrong for generations,around the World, we leave all of our children unprotected against rape,guns, and our own stupidity.  For the sake of our children, we must begin with changing the mentality, that we have allowed to go on.  We can no longer deny our own behavior and motives when technology shows us the truth and refuses to tolerate lies.

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Grief And Grieving

According to the process of teaching, “All truth passes through three stages, First it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed.Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”–Arthur Schopenhauer

Many of us feel a genuine sorrow each time that we hear of the deaths of children or mistreatment of pets, even when we have not known or spent time with them.  Not all people do, nor do they need to feel guilt if they don’t.  Not all people bond with children or pets and cultural differences in the way we accept death, also plays a role in why some people will grieve profoundly while others feel a compassion and act differently from those who grieve the lost of strangers. This was very prevalent in the attacks of 9/11, as well. Some people also remain more resilient while they prefer to spring into action first.

The NewTown tragedy, is one of many killings of our children by those who use guns but it leaves a profound lost on all of us as a Nation, because there are so many 6 and 7 year olds who have lost their lives.  Even those who do not have any particular fondness for children, can remember those hopeful years of their own lives, and feel that this tragedy leaves them with a genuine sense of regret for the lives lost.

We generally accept the Kubler-Ross model of grieving even though it has its share of critics as well.  The study was based on people who were terminally ill and how they coped with the lost of their health and the acceptance of death and they later applied the same emotions to all lost of that which we are bonded to.  I repeat the 5 steps here;

1.  Denial—”I feel fine”

2.  Anger—-”Why me?  It’s not fair.”

3.  Bargaining–”I’ll do anything for a few more years or one more moment”.

4. Depression—”I’m so sad, why bother with anything”.

5.  Acceptance–”Its going to be o.k.”

Others have added two other emotions and they are shock which most commonly accompanies denial and leaves us feeling numb and guilt.   Guilt is common with care givers who feel they should have been able to do more or with survivors who are involved in the same act of violence or car accident or in death of any kind. It is also common is spouses and siblings,especially when a twin is lost through death or separation.  It directly affects those who fight together in wars, sometimes for the rest of their lives.

Emotions can also be very varied without fitting a pattern of any kind.  They can run from solemn to trepidation to anxiety or to rage and disgust.  Many times feelings of jealousy or envy or even hate can follow when we see other children graduate with their classes or marry or we see other spouses with their mates, even after we feel that our sadness has dissipated. It is important that those who are experiencing many ranges of emotions are not alone but instead with friends and family members until the pain or shock that often triggers these erratic or difficult to deal with emotions calm down. When we are more clear of our own emotions then we can reflect on our own if we have the capacity to do so and know our own strengths and weaknesses. Any shooting of any nature often leads to temporary trauma in all of us.

In years past, the Medical Association did  not talk about post traumatic stress disorder in other situations outside of war.  As modern techniques expose more about the human brain, it is now more generally accepted that PTSD can and does exist on many levels of trauma and often times does accompany shock when death is totally unexpected.

The important thing with grieving is that we all know that there is not a clear-cut pattern for those who grieve.  Many emotions can be involved just as the more resilient or people with a history or exposure to death will feel fewer emotions.  Some may spend days crying while others who have been exposed to death can move on with few tears and gain acceptance earlier.  It is when grieving goes on for months into years with a total sense of helplessness that we should be certain to get professional help without any sense or feeling like we are weak or a failure.

We all have different ways of coping throughout life and a different time-frame in which we grieve.  Some find genuine laughter over memories of loved ones their healing tool.  Others will memorialize their loved one while still others who are use to solving their own problems in life will remain isolated amongst family members and choose to grieve alone.  Some will feel a responsibility and duty to do something first, and then grieve later when things become more quiet. Others will turn to Religion and the hope offered through its teachings while others will commit their lives to doing for others in an effort to feel good about themselves and to help lift the veil of sadness. Some delay going back to work and grieve immediately and find it only takes a few months to reach acceptance.  Others lose themselves in work and delay their grieving, because they feel a need to analyze the reasons why, first. When they finally accept the fact that there are no answers to the why they move on to the acceptance of death.

The main thing is that we acknowledge that not all things are great and that we do understand a necessity to grieve with the understanding that it should not be a lifetime condition that brings debilitating sadness. Some people will feel better talking about the death while others will want to choose who they discuss it with, if they wish to discuss it at all.  Many times those who grieve will blame the innocent bystander or take out their bad feelings on the closest people to them.

Grieving takes a high level of understanding sometimes. We cannot excuse poor behavior as being normal,and need  to understand that we may need to learn three simple words such as:”I am sorry.” Some people become over protective or obsessive out of fear of another loss during the period of grieving.  They will sometimes use poor behavior in order to deliberately drive away others who they love because they cannot bear the lost of another person in their lives. People who have a previous history of relieving bad feelings in themselves,on those closest to them, many times should ask for help during this time, while those who are close by understand this is not a time to judge, harshly.

Too many times we get stuck in one step of grieving and rather than feel the pain or get grief counseling will turn to alcohol or drugs and only compound our own grieving.  Grieving needs to take place, as the longer we delay it, the more problems will arise in the family as a result of our doing so. It is not uncommon for parents to delay their own grieving while making sure their children are o.k. first.  It is important that we understand that if we are not well then our children will not be  either.  Alcohol and drugs in moderation may help with sleep in the earlier days but should never replace or be used to deny the feelings of pain that we need to heal from, through grieving our loss.

We can grieve while also feeling genuine appreciation for having had our loved ones in our lives, and many recover as a result of the same. Some want to leave pictures up as a reminder of their loved ones, while others want to remove all reminders of them.  Some will continue to celebrate birthdays while others will feel a need to mourn. People are all different in their expressions of sorrow and we need to respect the same, but also remain cognizant of those who need professional help in order to cope. It is o.k to find moments of laughter and to look back after a few months or a couple of years and to acknowledge that we were not always rational during our grieving process.  Very many aren’t.

It is important that we understand that various levels of grieving in a marriage often leads to disputes that can lead to divorce if one of the members in the marriage are ready to move on and remember the good moments shared by the deceased while the other mate is still asking,”Why Me?” Grieving too many times will lead to intolerance in couples while it will bring others closer together since no one else can entirely understand their shared lost as clearly as they can.

We can often times treat those closest to us, during the grieving time pretty poorly, if we do not move ahead with the grieving process.  Children as young as 18 months can feel the loss of the bond of a sibling or parent and grieve. Children who lose their best friends can withdraw and be afraid of initiating new friends because to do so feels like betrayal to them. They can not always voice their feelings, or understand them, themselves. Children grieve differently from adults in that they often times do not cry but instead will act out.

Children may have episodes of unexplained rage or with draw into themselves.  When adults grieve it is especially important that when a child loses a sibling or a friend at an early age, that we understand that the children are losing the person in their lives that has always been part of their lives that they have confided in and made plans with for a future as well.  The most neglected lost of loved ones often does lie in the lack of understanding for the death of a friend or sibling, when they lose their friend or sibling too early.

The lost of a sibling is difficult for adults to deal with, but too few amongst us, understands the difficulty as the sympathy and understanding goes more often to  the parents,spouses, or their children. Siblings are often called on to be strong and to act as spokes people instead. The loss of a twin can compare to the lost of a spouse as many ideas,hopes,jokes,love,hate,upsets,plans for the future, and people in their lives are shared from birth and through out their lives. The identity or feeling of losing half of ourselves, when we lose a twin, is most like that of losing a spouse.  No relationship is more involved or longer lasting than that of  a twin relationship when their relationship begins in the womb they share.

What we as parents need to do is to make certain that our sadness does not spread over to our children or lose patience with our children if they are not shedding tears but are acting out. It helps  instead to discuss with them what they are feeling to make them behave the way they are.  Children should not hear everything about the shootings but sadly many will hear it from other sources and we need to be aware of the fact that details often become exaggerated and lead to nightmares in our children. When questioning them we need to be careful not to offer details but instead to find out what they know or are feeling and answer them honestly.

Just as some adults will cry for days while others don’t, the same is true with children. Children,depending on age, do not clearly understand the permanence of death.  They just know that their parent,friend, or sibling is not with them now and do not understand the long-term of death but feel a real unexplained sadness in themselves. Some will need our understanding on their level to cope without us forcing our own coping measures or the lack of the same on them. Grieving needs to be age appropriate just like everything else in life does.

The tragedy effecting our Nation in NewTown,Connecticut can affect our children around the globe and it is especially important that we communicate with our children about their concerns without expressing our own concerns.  It is alright to say Mommy and Daddy are feeling sad because they know that already but they should not be made to feel as a replacement for the children lost, or be compared to them.

We are each uniquely our own person and that applies to grieving as well.  We will not always be on the same page together nor do we have a time clock running.  If we need grief counseling we most definitely need to seek it out before we are left to deal with an unnecessary guilt or a prolonged sense of hopelessness.  It is important that we also rest during this time, when we can.  Grieving is exhausting and requires that we do get sleep.

Good luck and my condolences are with all of you.  I, like the rest of the Nations around the World, are wishing you the strength to recover on your own time and in your own space knowing our prayers and thoughts are with all of you.  May the goodness of the Season offer all of us the hope that we as a Nation will do something about such needless tragedies, in the New Year. God Bless all of us!  (See my previous post,”Guns And Mental Illness”)

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Being Genuine

Webster dictionary describes genuine as actually having the reputed or apparent qualities or character.  To many times we have people using words to describe others when they do not own or practice the qualities needed to possess or own character, themselves.  It was a repeated error made by candidates for election throughout the Nation this past election year.

When Governor Chris Christy of New Jersey showed his own Party what real character was or expressed genuine feelings in his praise of President Barack Obama’s quick response to the disaster in his State, due to the hurricane, men who like to refer to  themselves, as men who protect the standards of family values in America,criticized Christy for being genuine in his complement to our President.

When we as a Nation have leaders who criticize others who are genuine or fail to compliment others and treat it as a heresy when they compliment  or speak to a member of the opposite side of the aisle, can we really expect them to do what is genuinely in the best interests of those of us who are in need of their leadership?  Will men like Paul Ryan,Scott Walker, or Rubio, meeting and discussing the need of the Republican Party to become inclusive of the Hispanics, lead us to believe that they are genuine if they continue to vote against the equal rights of women to make decisions on their own procreation or to their own health, or when their Republican members in Washington filibusters immigration reform?

Are these, the often spoken about, the young new hopefuls of the Republican Party, any better than what has destroyed the “Grand Old Party?”When they speak about the Americans who fall on hard times as being the “takers”, while they vote against the needs of the people or refer to those of us who paid into government as, “people with their hands out who feel entitled”,or try to pass laws against victims of rape in defining legitimate rape, will we see any genuine change in the Republican Party when these young men are chosen to lead our Nation?

Doesn’t the Republican Party need men in it instead like Bob Dole who was genuine in his actions towards the disabled, the poor, and the need of the Republican Party to know and understand the needs of the people?  Aren’t these new young Tea Party members only an extension of what is wrong in the Republican Party?  Aren’t we the American People totally tired of words that are opposite of the actions they practice when it comes to voting against our rights and needs?

Too many times in our own personal lives we make allowances for those who practice disingenuous behavior because they are the beautiful people,the most charming of our children or friends, or because we want to be more like them or a part of their group. The new generation just wants to be respected by their parents instead. When we ourselves are less than genuine it shows all over our bodies and faces to those of us who recognize phony or shallow values.

When these politicians do the same, too many people, who are less than honest themselves, will be taken in by those who are not genuine. I once had a person tell me that my biggest problem was that I was too moral for the group as they did not place a high value on morality.  Isn’t that also at the root of why we keep electing people who are less than genuine in their leadership? I applaud the American people who did not accept or support the practice of lies , that won these men the elections in our States and Washington in 2010.

Have we forgotten already the way they won or their legislation that brought in the right to work laws that eliminated our protection from the Unions against unfair labor laws?  Will we forget the bills that they tried to pass against a woman’s right to choose or the involvement of the Tea Party militia in hate groups?  Will the Corporate Press be able to convince us of all the wonders done by these men of the future who stormed our States in 2010 and began laying off teachers,firemen and police while decreasing the wages of the workers?

When Republicans are promoted to run in the highest office of the land in 2014 and 2016 by the GOP, will we forget that they have been less than genuine in their practice towards the needs of the middle class when it came to an economic recovery and of giving us real jobs with fair hours and wages? Will we forget the passage of the right to work laws that denied the American workers and their Unions the right to vote because 27 States had Republican governors who were financed by the Koch Brothers? Didn’t many of the Republican governors lie to the people while they denied the workers their right to Democracy? Isn’t this currently  happening with Republican Governor Rick Snyder in Michigan?   Don’t these Governors represent the future of the Republican Party and the mentality of the Tea Party while the wages of the middle class continue to decline but the wealth of the rich increases two-fold?

Despite their argument that without the right to work laws corporations fail to move to their States and that these laws release people from having to join the Unions; they fail to say that Federal law already states people who do not want to join a Union need not do so.  These Republicans offer absolutely no proof of the truth in their Statements.  There is a simple explanation for the same and that is because there is no proof in what they state.  The proof that does exist is that the average worker’s income drops by $5500.00 per year along with benefits while their working conditions worsen.

The Corporations continue to win while the workers continue to lose is the fact with the right to work laws and there is no proof when 22 States have adopted these laws that corporations do move in. Why should they change from the States they already do set up residence in, when the majority if not all of the Red States where these laws have passed previously, have always offered corporate welfare to Corporations previously to these laws being passed in swing States? Are we the middle class foolish enough to believe that these Corporations will give up all their bread and honey, along with their facilities, equipment and trained staffs in the Red States in order to take less in the swing States?

If they should happen to move to the swing States, which is unrealistic, how much more concessions and job lost do we think it will cost the middle class workers? Would the workers in the Red States continue to believe that they lost their jobs,health care,and pensions because they were taken over by vulture Capitalists in the claim their Company was losing money? Don’t we already know the truth is that the greed of the Republican Party along with the greed of Wall Street is responsible for job lost over job gain?  What will it take for all Americans to understand this concept?

Michigan Republican Governor,Rick Snyder, like so many other Republican Governors in 21 other States,totally ignored the right of the workers to vote when the polls showed that only 6% of the people in the State of Michigan favored this move. Many in the Red States do not even know if they are a right to work State because they have such a heavily backed Republican legislature along with a conservative media, who does not keep them informed.

Do we feel that the current Republican Party is genuine in their representation of the truth when it comes to balancing the budget and avoiding the fiscal cliff in Washington?The truth is that the Tea Party members have dug in their heals again, just as they did the last time, and refuse to accept President Obama’s proposal of at least lowering the taxes on those who make less than $250,000. and John Boehner, is blaming President Obama instead of himself when it is his job to lead his own Party as Speaker of the House in Congress. They all appear on camera instead for their photo opts and profess in unison that the problem is that President Obama has sent them nothing while they reject his offer of cutting 4 trillion dollars and raising the taxes on the wealthy.  The only thing they seem to be able to agree on is to lie in unison to the American people. They began as “the Do Nothing Congress and they will finish out the four years” as the same.

Are they any different from the Republican Governors in our States? Have we already forgotten their 100 plus filibuster attempts against the middle class that would have protected the needs of the people and gave jobs to the same over their protection of Corporate? Don’t we realize their main goal was to make certain that President Barack Obama was a one term President?  Do we really believe that these same men will now compromise in order to keep the economy improving when they have fought against President Barack Obama’s attempts to do the same in the past?

With all their excuses as to why they lost just how genuine are they in understanding their need to be all-inclusive of the American people?  Is it just another example of empty words on their part? Does our own belief system fail us when we are asked  to remember the behavior directed against us by them? Do we learn to hate others who do us no harm, because we have a genuine belief system that tells us that hate is acceptable? Does our own belief system excuse us from making excuses for ourselves instead of taking action?

Is our problem that we long- ago lost touch with practicing any kind of value system based on genuine values, ourselves? Do we have a clue what we believe when we are called on to fight for the same?  Do we believe instead what we have been told to believe so we go into denial when we see or hear a real lack of sincerity in the same?Are those who promote family values, actually those who talk about values but find morality too difficult to maintain themselves?  We need to be interested in politics and the history of our politicians if we are to hold them and ourselves to a higher standard.

When we fail to hold those who would lead us to higher standards, it is we who lose.  This is true when it comes to raising our children and in teaching them right from wrong because we practice what we preach.  When we fail to make morality a priority in our own life the first to understand that our words do not match our actions, are our children.

Many a straying spouse does not just prove to their spouse that they are not trustworthy but they also teach their children that adults cannot be trusted or the person they most admire lacks morality when it comes to being an adult. Many children will turn a deaf ear to what they feel is nothing more than gibberish when they recognize that the behavior of the adult in their lives does not match the words they speak. Sadly, others will emulate the same behavior when they become adults but they will many times prove to their parents that they can do a better job of failing  than what their parent or parents did when it comes to being less than genuine.

When we talk about how busy we are but our children never see us get off the couch they believe the ”busy talk” in us is less than genuine.   When  our children’s  needs to be disciplined go unprovided for, but are replaced by wants instead, we raise children who grow up feeling entitled without them making any efforts towards justifying the same in themselves; too often some will adopt a grandiose image of themselves while being totally void of human empathy for others while they often lack the understanding of what it takes to be ambitious.  If we never teach our children to take genuine responsibility for their own behavior or to care for their own needs in the home, but instead we make excuses for them or wait on them, we deny them the right to find genuine satisfaction in their own accomplishments.

When children are left untrained and untaught they often grow up fearful of being independent from us or to immature to leave home and to form their own belief system.  If we always treat work as something to be dreaded, we teach our children to be lazy instead. Too often we adults will go into denial before we accept the truth of the fact that our child’s behavior is out of control. The lives our children live while they watch us, when it fails to match the genuineness of the words we speak, often leads to denial in us and confusion in our children.

This is true about any behavior or words that leave our lips.  When we are less than genuine the first to accept it as being normal behavior in adults, are our children.  The fact that the youth vote went over whelmingly for President Barack Obama should show all of us who fear the “Me first and now” traits in the youth vote, that we are dead wrong in our judgements. Just as sometimes  the callous of heart appear to belong to the Tea Party or National Rifle Ass., we totally over look the value in the young who would put many of our generations to shame. President Ronald Regan means nothing to them and invoking his name did nothing towards winning their votes.

We forget that this generation of young people learned from us not to trust.When one out of every three homes on the block experience some form of  abuse in it, they have learned that they cannot trust adults to protect them.  We cannot turn around and place the blame on them without taking our share of the blame and pretend to begin to solve the problems that we face as a Nation, while talking about family values,if we do not understand that as adults our generations were far from perfect,as well.

The 1950′s were anything but what they have been romanticized to be but instead were hidden under the lies of injustice and under the veil of secrecy. The same environment allowed for the inhumane and violence of the Jim Crow laws to continue unchecked along with the violence and inequality of not just the tragedies of those laws but also the lack of laws that protect women and children against extreme abuse.

Those who would advocate the return to the 1950′s are not being fully cognizant or honest of the hardships and lack of humanity of the era.  When we fail to act out of genuine concern for all of our people, ourselves, we are certain to elect officials who would ignore the tragedies of the era,and instead repeat a history of genuine injustice. We as a Nation cannot return to a time of ignorance and injustice but we need to move forward by electing legislatures who  protect all Americans by making certain that the laws protect our children regardless of race,creed,gender or gender orientation, who are the most vulnerable amongst us. The spread of half truths and ignorance only makes hate breed.

Just as those who are aware of past injustices, and fight against the return to the same, we need to acknowledge in more recent times our children were victims of their babysitters, Ministers,coaches, and Priests,others their uncles,neighbors or Boy Scouts leaders,still others their step fathers, dads or mothers, others grew up with drugged,beaten,or alcoholic parents, and still others were prostituted by their own parents. They were warned about pedophiles and terrible behavior in adults that many of our generations were not aware of even existing.

Much of this same behavior happened throughout previous generations as well, but when it is kept as a secret in the closet to take to the grave we grew up being told it was our sin to bear and an isolated happening or worse yet, normal behavior, to practice as adults ourselves.  In keeping the secrets of those we were led to believe we should emulate, we lived our lives in turmoil being convinced we were the demon seed, where as todays generation understands that it is not their fault but the fault of the adult, once they are of voting age. This behavior is not limited to poor neighborhoods but happens on every block regardless the socio-economic conditions.

Many of our young people grew up to find their Sports heroes, steroid addicts or shot or killed in drunken accidents. Others were given drugs by their coaches and told to take it or else.  We adults left them devoid of the heroes we took for granted.  They did not have Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, or Martin Luther King to offer them hope in their lives.  They have no reason to trust the adults in their lives because if they were not victimized they have a friend who was.  They certainly are not going to take a politician’s word for something when their actions are less than genuine and they watched their mom’s work two or sometimes three jobs because they were not paid the wage that their Dad’s were.

They were not bought off as Mitt Romney said with “free birth control” but they have seen too much disingenuous behavior in adults in their lives to be bamboozled by less than genuine politicians. Many of them have no reason to any longer fall for the charismatic who will lie to them.  When abuse was not a part of their life they grew up with the ability to express themselves.

The fortunate ones had parents who encouraged them because they had parents who did or are doing a better job of instilling morality in the next generations than our parents or we did, so the young amongst us who are our future, do recognize the lack of words matching the actions in those who would lead us. It is way past time that we, just as the youth vote does, demand proof of the genuine actions of our politicians to hear us the American Public, and to act as our leaders over lying to us. If the Republican Party continues to fail to understand that their behavior and performance has been exposed and has come out failing,  they will continue to lose elections.

When the Republican Party learns to run legitimate candidates who are genuine in their words matching their actions, then the Grand Old Party will return fully vindicated of its past history and will again be representative of the needs of the people. Talking about it will prove nothing when the conversations are about play acting warm and fuzzy feelings or concerns for the middle class,women, and minorities but their actions taken, prove otherwise.   They cannot deny the voters the truth when their own votes, platform,voter suppression, and actions betray them as less than genuine, nor will it win them votes of the American people.

When the Republicans refuse to accept genuine actions speak to the heart of the youth vote and those votes that they are accustomed of getting, are the votes of the dying generations, then they must change their own actions or become distinct along with the dinosaurs. Unlike those of our generation and before, young people do not buy into the belief that a candidate is a “Nice Young Man”, nor do they vote the way they are told to vote.

Todays’ young people grew up on the internet and are much more likely to check  out the voting records of the candidates  against  their campaign speeches. Bullshippers in politics are on their way out with tomorrow’s voters. The Republicans need much more than empty words or the Hispanic vote in their corner and in most cases, they are assuming that the Hispanics have a short memory and are not computer savvy as well.  No one takes the privilege of voting more seriously than an immigrant, denied.

I wish all of us the appreciation of having genuine people in our lives who surround us this Holiday Season.  May we all be so Blessed as to attract the same with our own honesty while understanding the need of it in all of our own lives. The Holiday Season is not about making comparisons with our neighbors, but about taking pride in the generosity of the American spirit that we helped inspire, while embracing those of us who express the truth of that same spirit.  Celebrate the genuine goodness in all of us by giving of ourselves to what ever Religious or Spiritual belief we hold dear, or as a sign of our genuine love expressed, and give what we can spare to the less fortunate, as a reminder of the real purpose of this Holiday Season.  God bless us all!

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It Is Not About Us

As Congress looks for and finds blame with their insistence that the deficit be balanced on the backs of the middle class,the students,the elderly,and the poor while refusing to look at the role they play by the continuation of the same, there is plenty going on in our lives that is about us.  While Corporations refuse to hire here but instead send jobs overseas to increase the wealth of its board members, it is about us. When we are not educated to meet the demands of the ever-changing market place it is about us. When weather causes havoc and turmoil in our lives, it is about us.  When we lose loved ones and are left to grieve our lost, it is about us. When others who can afford to do so, refuse to carry healthcare and we get stuck with their healthcare costs with increased premiums because Congress wants to eliminate Obama care, it is about us. With so much in our lives that affects us it is sometimes difficult to understand a lot of other things in our lives is not about us,as well.

Many times things happen around us and unless we understand that “it is not about us”, but rather our response to it, that causes us to get involved and often times it leads to our own pain, we will waste way to much precious time in our lives that will keep us from enjoying life. When a couple divorces to often,if we allow them to drag us into their lives by taking sides, we will end up feeling like we are the loser as well.  If it is a special friend and we take sides while the couple separates, it will to often cost us what we feel is a close friend, if the couple decides to reunite.  Even if we do not take sides but try to help the couple to understand each other, many times they will regret what they confided in us and feel uncomfortable around us because they told us to much about themselves, and too often we lose both friendships, even when they divorce.

The above situation had nothing to do with us but it is when we get involved in other people’s problems that it can become about us unless we realize it is they who have lost a valuable friend in us, and we cannot call ourselves a friend unless we do try to help, that we realize it is not about us but instead all about them.

I had an incidence in my life that took place when I won at the Casino and the person I was treating said,”God let me win because He knew I would be more generous and share than she would have been if she won.”  First of all, I do not believe that God had anything to do with my winning nor does He have anything to do with money.  I think people use the idea that God is in control of every facet of our lives to the point that if we even sneeze that God caused us to, instead of the fact that it was an allergy or cold that caused us to sneeze. I choose to believe that God is with those who suffer and give of themselves instead, since He gave us all free will and helps those who helps themselves. If God was responsible for everything in a person’s life then He would have no time left for those who call on Him in time of need.  My winning was not necessary for me to live,eat,breath, or find joy in my life,nor did my gambling cause us any hardship.I was thrilled when the machine hit, just as all of us are when we win.

I won because I went to the casino, without the other person even being in the same State much less the same Casino, I took the risk that gambling involves, and I chose the right machine at the same time it was ready to pay off.  Any person in the Casino could have put the same dollar amount in as I did and won the same jackpot. Our generous spirit may be a gift from God, as He does reward the generous in spirit ten fold, but my winning at the Casino had nothing to do with God nor the person who said I won instead of her.  We to often in our lives look at other people’s success or failure and think that either has anything to do with us.

We may all make mistakes as parents but once our children become adults they also take on the responsibility for their own behavior and if they allow others to mistreat them or they mistreat themselves,we can not help them if they refuse our help. If they become a success,then they deserve the credit over us because, “It is not about us.”  We can be concerned about them or proud of them but ultimately as adults they do decide what road they travel, with or without our approval.

As their parents,we only have control over our own response to our adult children’s actions and can only offer support when they ask us for the same. To force our beliefs on them robs them of the ability to form their own ideas or beliefs or to accept the mixing of their belief system with that of their spouses. Our adult children, and especially once they marry, need to make their own decisions even when we do not approve of it and they refuse to listen to what we often think is sound reasoning. “Sink or swim” our adult children’s behavior,  is no longer about us beyond our own reactions to it.

The sadder part of life is when our own children, who are not adults, emulate that character flaw in us that thinks everything is all about us, by thinking it is their fault when bullies bully them.  Bullies are made at home by over demanding parents in some cases or by neglectful parents in other cases.  If a child feels defenseless against the parent who thinks they are disciplining but instead the parent makes the child feel like they are  being bullied by the parent or a child cannot find reprieve from their own hurt feelings, many times they will bully others who they feel cannot or will not fight back.  When parents tell their children to hit back they help create another bully on the playground.  When teachers punish both children because they fear the parent of the bully or have not seen who is being bullied then to often it can lead to tragedy.

If we could as a Society tell our children that the anger that is unleashed by the bully is “not about them”,but instead about the home the child who bullies comes out of, then we could begin sitting down and discussing our differences with the bully. When Schools refuse to play a role in the discussion when the bullying takes place on their property, they fail the child who is being bullied by expelling them from school for the equal amount of time they expel the bully. When negative behavior is enforced by negative responses we teach our children that the adults in their lives cannot be trusted to do the right thing.

I had a case,myself, where I thought it might be possible to have an adult conversation with the parent of the bully, but instead the parent went into name calling and telling me it was not her problem when the child I was speaking about did not haul off and hit her daughter back.  It was not about us, but the children that needed to be heard, and it was lost on the mother of the bully.  Teachers run into this same attitude of these same parents, when they do show up but many times it is the concerned parents who show up instead.

We parents first, need to understand that there are people who are going to try to control the circumstances in their own lives by controlling those around them and it has nothing to do with us, unless we demand zero tolerance of bullies in our own homes,schools, or environment and do something about it instead of obsessing over it.  When we make everything about us, and then do nothing but complain we teach our children the same. When worry or inaction is viewed from the seat of children, they learn to tolerate what we have tolerated for to many generations,as being normal behavior. If schools,businesses, or we do not punish small children who bully,or permanently expel people who play on our fear or lack of action, then we all tolerate the bullies and it does become about us. Our children learn nothing through fists or violence but to be violent in return.

Just as there are kind-hearted people, there are mean-spirited people as well. Both types of people will co-mingle in almost any kind of group.  It has been my experience that a majority of men will just consider the source of an insult when issued by a woman, but some will fight it out when it comes from a man.  Not many people look at a fist fight as much of anything other than plain stupidity, so why do we tell our children to do the same?  If we ourselves cannot treat the person as having their own problems and know they treat everyone else the same way, then how can we tell our own children that, “It is not about us, if we do nothing to protect them when we do have supervision over them?”

I ask everyone this Holiday Season to consider what I am saying.  Store policy is not about us but about others who do shop lift or steal.  We may pay for their theft but if we feel that the questions being asked are about us, instead of policy, too often tempers will flare and our children are watching our own performance.  The same is true when someone is rude enough to cut in line; for us to allow someone else to spoil the experience of the Holiday shopping, when,” it is not about us” because we lose sight of the fact,that angry words will never make it right, but instead is a negative response from us who only adds to the chaos, then we understand what our own response does to inflame the problem.  Two wrongs never does make a right.  As Bill Clinton said,”it’s about the math.”

We need to spend more time thinking and communicating civilly if we are going to succeed as a Nation,as parents, or as the person we most want to spend time with during the Holiday Season.  If we ourselves are filled with anger that is spreading all around us,if we are rude to others, if we have a need to control, if we take a bad day out on others around us, if we are mean-spirited, then it is about us.

If we are none of those things, “Then It Is Not About Us.” When we understand the reality of another person’s bad behavior “is not about us”, we refuse to let their bad dispositions destroy our own joy.  If we insist on the opposite, then we are making our feelings dependent on their negative feelings which they are responsible for, and  as adults who said or did nothing to harm them, we are not responsible for their lack of respect.  Everyone will have a bad day but everyone is not entitled to ruin our day unless we give them permission to do so.

Have a good day everyone and enjoy the responses in yourself that you create ,that ARE about you, and let the other things that you allow to destroy your day go. The majority of harm that is done to us as individuals are many times as a result of our own reactions to life and is often created by our reactions to a disagreeable human being, who has their own issues to deal with, without our taking their negativity to heart. Enjoy the Holidays and celebrate!

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The Price We Pay

Too often I have heard throughout my lifetime, “It is not fair,” or “someone should do something about it,”or similar statements. We all know people who face the most tragic life’s lessons and still keep moving on without ever giving up, but too many of us refuse to accept or acknowledge the fact that there are others who suffer much worse hardships from our own.

There are those who believe,” that they need to do nothing to help others because they already get enough help” or “such and such is lucky” or “never had a problem in their lives.”  It has also been my experience that people who believe this are the first to react the most poorly when they chip a nail or break a heel off of their shoe or their car gets scratched or their tie begins to unravel.

The people who really learn the importance that we place on things is pretty shallow,are those who will be humbled in some way by life and learn from the experience when they do. It isn’t always fair and the suffering is often very real, but it is how we accept or deal with the tragedies of life, that is the real test of mankind.  We can always rebuild things and many times re-heal bodies but if we give up or curse others,the price we pay can and will lead to defeat. Even when we exhaust all possibilities there does come the day that we must accept our own limitations and embrace the factors that make us the person we are, the person we accept. Often times in life we are presented with  re-inventing a new way to live life to its best abilities without making comparisons in life.

I certainly am not suggesting that we do not grieve an important lost of a  home,job,or even health.  What I am saying is that the longer we dwell on the injustice of the same, the longer we ultimately pay a price much larger than what we ever should have had to pay.  When we look at others and say, “they are lucky,” too many times we are being unrealistic about the sacrifices they made in order to achieve their success or giving ourselves an excuse for the fact that we would rather quit, drink beer, or shop than make the sacrifices needed. When we recognize that no one escapes life without a few bruises and some heart ache we realize that the difference is in how they handle or recover from the lost, is what sometimes separates them from us.

The reality is, people who are willing to get back up and dust themselves off following failure or mistakes,which we all will face at some point or time in our lives, will succeed with each time they vow to come back better than ever.  It has to be there in action and without resentment or fear overcoming our determination to move on or to begin again. As long as we have people in our lives we all will either experience the just or unjust.

Anyone of us can be grateful when things are going our way, the difficult part is learning gratitude when we feel that our life is not, by seeking out what is good in our lives.  No one will ever experience a life where they do not have something or someone good in it, unless they flee from it or reject the idea or the person who does support them. Other times it is our own gift of determination and awareness that refuses to give up, that makes us get up and move on. It is when we waste time blaming others that we weaken our own chances to start over again. When we understand the lesson taught us we will reach gratitude in the process, even though our loss may seem insurmountable in the beginning.  Starting over can be the best thing we ever do, if we learn from our past. If we refuse to accept our own role in it, then too often we will fail. It is the price we pay that often becomes our best teacher in life and teaches us gratitude for the lessons learned.

Life often gets down to how we deal with the insignificant that too often gets blown out of proportion. Sometimes we do find people are in the right place at the right time but too often we refuse to accept that it is not a place that we would ever have traveled to or a job we would have wanted or were qualified for taking. People who base everything on the almighty dollar often fail to understand or appreciate the joy found around the table of a family who has food on the table or a person who is content with just having the people in their lives that they do.

Life for most of us is as rewarding as the lessons it teaches us and the price we pay for it. It is when we learn not to repeat the mistakes but to be grateful for the lessons learned that we become comfortable with what we accept as our own success. When we hear people complain that they just never got the breaks another person did, too many times it was under their own feet but they refused to take the next step or  make the right move that would have given them more.

People do determine their own goals early in life.  It does appear that some people make one mistake and pay for it all of their lives while others mess up all the time and end up a success.  We fail to see that each time the person messes up they often learn what will or wont work towards their own goals.  What made the difference is that they were not afraid to start all over again. We all have different ideas of what exactly success is;for some it is wealth but for many others it is being comfortable in their own body by giving more of themselves than what they took  in life.  A proud Father or Mother can find joy in the Children that become adults and in the way they repeat the lessons taught them.  Many will find a warm roof over their head a welcoming step that predicts the success of their lives.  As people we are not all looking for the same ideas or have the same beliefs, but whatever steps we take we have to be willing to learn from them.

What is happening with all the excuses and the blame being passed around in the Conservative movement as well as the Republican Party,following the election, is the same thing that makes them fail to understand their own mistakes.  Unless and until they accept the responsibility for their own failure to hear the majority of voters, they are bound to repeat their mistakes again and again. We can all take a lesson from their failure to take responsibility for accepting their own mistakes and their own out of touch sensibilities to the needs of the people.

My husband and I together began our lives in poverty with him being a student and my working towards paying his tuition right along with his working a part-time job.  What we had together, was an education and it is what opened the door that began our future towards retiring well.  We have been poor and we know how it feels to go without eating because there was no money nor anyone who we would accept help from, if it had been offered.  We had a great deal of pride and determination to achieve over what we had money in our pockets.

We have been lower middle class and upper middle class and will retire comfortably. It didn’t just happen without our going without along the way.  Even today I just buy enough clothes and shoes to cover me.  The biggest waste of money a couple will ever make is on clothing, despite this idea,” that we must dress for success.”  A few good pieces of clothing intermixed with other pieces is all that is really necessary, to “dress for success.” If we do make it to CEO or are CFO of  a large firm, where this makes a difference, the wardrobe will be compensatory in the wages, as well.

As my husband retires and we plan the next journey of our life I know personally that the places that we have lived and the things we have done will take their right of passage just as they indicate the sacrifices we were willing to make. The employers we had that rewarded hard work, parents who taught us how to live morally,and the schools we came from,all figure into the success that we worked for as well as the children we raised into adulthood, who will contribute to the success of their own lives.

We could never have accomplished what we did on our own, as it took finding an appreciative and grateful employer who was willing to reward our hard work.  It took me a lifetime of living with chronic physical pain, while accepting my own limitations but helping others with the problems in life they faced, and the two of us never giving up on our dream. It is about accepting the price we pay in life and not letting it get us down nor spending a moments notice on what someone else had.  As we drive away to explore the next journey in our lives and to once more view the great beauty of America and her people,I pray that we accept what lies around the corner just as we always have. Too many times we let bitterness replace the gratitude for the lessons we should have learned, for the price we paid in living. Be grateful everyone and have a great day!

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The Manipulative

I have chosen to write today on the manipulator as they are especially active during the Holiday Season. We all know the manipulative by different names and faces but at some time in our lives we will all know several.  They are often times the charming that are generous with both their praise and gifts, until they have us totally convinced they are the victims of others,before they begin their attempts to victimize us.

If we could all just remember that people who do not expect something from us will walk away since they have nothing to prove, nor will they waste our time or their’s convincing us, unless we seek them out and ask for the facts, then we would all be the wiser before we find ourselves trapped by the manipulator.

Some are very obvious to those of us who have been conned ourselves, and too often when we try to warn our loved ones who are being victimized by these people or the person,we are the ones who lose the affections of our loved ones instead.  They are so charming while they convince us that they are the benefactors or benefactress of the World, before we become sucked into their schemes and realize that those who tried to warn us,were our real friends.

Many times they enter our lives when we are the most vulnerable and reaching out to gain knowledge or comfort.  They will many times be so perfect in our minds that we cannot believe ourselves that anyone so kind and generous can be in our lives. They run the gamut from Religious schemers such as Rev. Jones, who convinced or forced 900 people to drink the Kool-Aid,to claims of being a charitable organization but unless we check them out first they can be very convincing in their efforts to deceive, or many times they are a member of our own family.  No one is a better manipulator than the family member who needs alcohol or drug money and they often times do not stop with the family members but move on to the neighbors and strangers who will fall for their stories of victimization, just as we do.

When the charm runs out of the manipulator,because they can only sustain it for so long,we will either be made to feel that we  owe them the rest of our lives or we will wise up and run because just as charming as they can be, they can also be as intimidating.  While we are convincing ourselves that we have welcomed the perfect people or person into our lives they are learning our weak or vulnerable points and they learn to use them to their advantage when the charm wears off.  They capitalize on the negative feelings of guilt or feelings of betrayal in us, and use it to their benefits.  We should never think it is just our imagination or we are being unfair to them, after they have been so good to us, because they trap us into believing just that so they can gain control over us.

As we gain more knowledge and comfort with ourselves we recognize them readily and  to often think they are rather harmless to those of us who are aware of people who play on others’ emotions.  While we ourselves are no contest to them they often times see us as a challenge to defeat and will deliberately,in some cases, prey on those who we befriend, is our child, or another loved one, just to prove that they can out smart us and defeat us when we do think of them as being harmless. It often serves in the best interests of all of us if we do not make it obvious to them that we do not believe them, but remain firm in what our ground rules are because then the more likely they will be to move onto their next victim.  If we try to warn the next candidate to be victimized by the manipulator before they become victimized, they will not believe us either, unless they themselves are already wary of the charmers  who manipulate.

They appear at family gatherings such as Thanksgiving,in the malls,in our group of friends,at the  work place, at our church gatherings and in some cases even lead us in prayer,they are anywhere that the vulnerable can be isolated from others. If we donate to them once they will continue flooding our mail boxes or e-mail with more requests to give until they wear us down or convince us they need our donations, often under false pretenses. Other times they reach out through our telephones or the internet, as it is the perfect cover for the deceitful who never wish to be found out once they scam us into believing we are the most beautiful person in the World or they promise us that we will inherit a fortune if we just pay the taxes on it.If we are being manipulated or conned ourselves, we must first accept that we are as much at fault for allowing it to happen, once we become aware of it,as are the people who manipulate us.

So I offer all of us this Thanksgiving this simple advice even though I know those who need to heed it most, will not hear it, “If it is too good to be true, it almost always is.” We all make the dreams in our own lives come true.  It takes a lot of doing without sometimes and the understanding of those who help us to realize our dream.  No person ever realizes a dream as a single unit. It always takes a lot of hard work and co-operation to achieve our dreams.  It doesn’t fall from the sky and land in our laps, we have to earn it, and anytime we find others trying to take from us on a song and a dance or a story of victimization, we should never question our own motives but always question their motives, first.

Good luck is only what others are waiting for because they were not willing to make the sacrifices for others who truly needed their help or to make their own dreams come true.  Sometimes it is being in the right place at the right time but if we are not willing to put out the efforts it takes to achieve then we will not gain from the placement either. Dreams can still come true when we recognize our own strengths and weaknesses and accept help from those who do help us, by rewarding those who help us, through just and fair wages.

I wish each and all of you all the joy of giving that Thanksgiving can bring to all of us if we give in the spirit of giving.  Once we become aware of the manipulator and we make ourselves dependent on the kindness or intimidation of the same, or allow those who do help ruin the spirit of giving, we must accept our role in the same. All the denial in the World cannot force us to fail to acknowledge that if we are being played by a manipulator there are others as well.

Sometimes people are placed in our lives to test the respect that we have for ourselves and humanity in general, and when we fail that test we will also fail the tests of showing respect to others, who truly do deserve our time and love.  We have a responsibility to not only ourselves but to those who care about us to understand the difference of those in our lives who do respect our spirit of giving as verses the manipulators who take without a conscious. Once we become aware of the fact that we are the ones being used, then we need to accept that we enable the manipulators of the world and we need to stop the time,attention,and money often given to the manipulators, for all the reasons that allow them to operate on the unsuspecting. If we cannot stop them for our sake or the sake of the manipulator themselves, then we need to be aware of those who we hurt by going into denial of the part we play in it.

Thanksgiving is a time of appreciation and when we fail to appreciate those who should matter to us, we lose everything else of value as well. I feel truly Blessed for having the husband I have had for 45 years,my terrific daughters and son-in-law, and the two Bestest grandsons that a grandmother could ever have. I appreciate the value they add to my life by just being the genuine people that they are and their own faith in their own achievements.

All we who truly love really want is for our loved ones to be happy and for us to be aware when they are not, by offering them the emotional support they need,if they need our help. Too many times I have made the assumption that they needed my help when their maturity was leap years ahead of my own, at the same age they are.  Age may be a teacher to those of us who are willing to learn, but we should not always assume that we know better because of it. May we all be Blessed this Thanksgiving while we remember those who are really victims with our generosity and prayers.  Have a safe trip and a wonderful Thanksgiving Day!

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The Herd Mentality

In the beginning of mankind it was necessary for us to form together in a herd just as it is for animals to form herds and to gather together in flocks for survival.  A group of people or a tribe could defend against danger or against predators more effectively if they maintained a large group or herd.

They could forage together more effectively for roots,grains and berries,hunting that provided the meat, and gather together for warmth. Absolutely everything was shared by the group with a leader chosen by them to lead and he,because rarely was a woman trusted as a leader,was entitled pretty much  to anything he felt entitled to, as long as he kept the needs of the people first. He would always be served first before the group and any gem stones,feathers,or tools made were presented to him first before the others could share the spoils.  Just as the animal world has a hierarchy so did mankind.

In the animal world the male fights for the position against the weaker and the same was often true in the early days of mankind until after mankind advanced enough to the point that the title of leader was then passed down to the first borned son, generation after generation. Long before there was a government, long before there were Democracies,long before politics and political Parties, long before there was a Republican Party who referred to working together and picking a just leader of the people, who made sure the people were provided for,Socialism; mankind depended on a just and fair leader of the people. The people in return rewarded their leaders, so to declare as Mitt Romney did that the people were jealous of his wealth, made as much sense as too many other ridiculous statements he made in his campaign.In a civilized World today we still need leaders who care as much for the needs of the people as they did then, even though we no longer need to gather together in herds for our survival.

The protests that we often see in the Streets of a free Nation only arise because the people feel that they are being disenfranchised or starved to death by leadership.  The fact that the Republican Party with the help of the media, such as Fox News, only scoffed at the Occupy movement moving across America to stop the greed of the 1% over the needs of the 99%, has a great deal to do with why the Republican Party lost the election this year.  They had become so accustomed to ignoring the needs of the workers that they apparently felt they could run any candidate that they wanted to that would bend to the wishes of the far right and we the poor and middle class would succumb to their wishes because they used the herd mentality against their followers by whipping them into a feeding frenzy against President Obama.

So convinced were they that the deck was stacked in their favor to win that even when they lost Paul Ryan said,”We only lost because of the turn out in the Urban area” while denying they lost 40% of the over 55 vote,the youth vote, the women’s vote in the suburban areas,the gay vote,the Asian vote,the Hispanic vote,the Jewish vote, as well as the agriculture and blue-collar vote in States like New Hampshire,Iowa,Colorado, and Ohio as well.  They even lost the Catholic vote as well as both Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney lost their own home States, and yet in their denial, they are still trying to claim they ran a good campaign.

None of us are so stupid that we do not realize that when Republicans like Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney speak of the Urban vote they are talking about the poor and the African-American vote and when they insult one of us they insult all of us.  We know that first and foremost, we all are Americans together, and the Republicans are not granted leadership unless the American majority,made up of all American minorities, say they are our choice.

They cannot divide us even while they claim that our President is responsible for doing so. When Mitt Romney in his continued arrogance claimed they only lost because of the gifts (Obama care) given to those in the Urban area and free birth control to the young women, by President Obama, he only added more insults to the already bruised majority of us combined, who voted against the arrogance of the Republican Party as much as we voted in favor of the man we felt could better care for all of the American people.

If the GOP continues to refuse to accept the fact that they cannot run a bunch of clowns who are not interested in the people but instead pretend they are by spending billions of dollars and making voting against those who will not vote for them,as miserable as possible, they will continue to lose.  The middle class has lost too much income while the wealth of the wealthy has grown,for to long for the Republican Party to think they can continue to disenfranchise us as a group.

Modern mankind, often led by women who are also the majority voters, will not be fooled into subjection by their leaders, on a pact of lies and  billions of dollars. Adding conservative women to your party that are led by the beliefs of the far right will not fool those of us who do know that we are as equal as anyone else in America. The GOP’s problem runs much deeper than just winning back the Latino/Hispanic voters.  As Haley Barbour said,”The GOP needs to find a good Proctologist”, or as I say,” they need to get their heads out of their b….s long enough to understand they lost overwhelmingly,” and we both mean the same thing.  Republicans lost this election because they offered nothing different from what we have been paying for the last decade and will be paying for  generations to come,  and because we are not a right-wing Nation who denies equality to its people.

The blue-collar workers cannot be forced into giving up their Unions in favor for less pay and longer hours under the Republican control in our States,nor can they continue to fire teachers,policemen, and firemen and then expect our votes.  They may have won 53% of the white vote but basically that is about all they won and with those numbers they lost. It is no one’s fault but their own so it is time they quit making ugly excuses instead.  It is time that men like John McCain accepts that he lost in 2008 and give his along with the bigots like John Sununu, in the Republican Party, bitterness from his and their lost, a rest.

If the GOP wants to continue with their insistence that women are denied the right of equality to their own bodies while they try to win back the Latino/Hispanic vote while dismissing the rest of the minorities in America, they are going to continue to lose because just as the leadership in early mankind needed to be ever cognizant of the needs of the members in the herd,or be threatened by the uprise of the herd, today’s leadership needs to be aware of the fact that the needs of the people are fair and just as well.

We may be modern mankind with all of our own flaws but we still recognize a group of Bullshippers when we see and hear them.  You lost Republicans so lick your wounds and start rebuilding a Party that reflects the needs of the people over your own greed and run legitimate candidates with legitimate concerns for the people of all races,genders,gender orientations,and religious beliefs, over the lobbyists and the bigots, and you will again win over the vote of some of the people who do accept the needs of capitalism to grow as well.

Capitalism cannot continue to stockpile trillions while the workers go without food and homes and then turn around and  expect the workers to vote for the Republican Party who protects Wall Street at the expense of the people.  You lost, accept it, and get to work rebuilding a respectable Party over the disaster based in greed that you now own.  You fooled no one but a few but mainly yourselves.  The truth hurts sometimes but only when we own it can we make necessary improvements towards change in ourselves.  No one doubts that the GOP needs to tear down their structure and rebuild except those of you who march to the drum of  Carl Rove,Grover Norquist, the Tea Party, and the far right,still.

Good Luck and get to work adding moderates to your Party because the angry old white men are a dying breed and it is time you all learn to accept it. We do want to see two healthy political parties again,but it must be based on the needs of the people and have some truth in what it tells the people as well as the needs of capitalism, with a genuine leader at its helm.  We the voters are not going away.  Once burnt twice learned.  We do not need another Bush as in Jeb Bush, either. We are sincere in our wishes to see the Republican Party and their platform rebuilt on reality and on a new foundation. Once we do, and are convinced the people matter, then some of the voters will return to the GOP.

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