When our neighbors,friends,loved ones and if we are truly human, enemies, lose a child through death, it is always hard for us who have compassion and empathy to watch what we all think we know, the extent they must be suffering.
When that child is taken through murder, it is even that much harder, we too often speculate. Christians can reason that a child is not our’s to own and to keep and that God has chosen a special child to take early into Heaven, when they are taken early by accident or disease,sometimes after the shock. When a child is killed at the hands of a man or a woman,regardless of their age,how can we explain it other than pure evil? This is a subject that I have no right to speak on as I have never had to suffer in this way. Those who have, know far better than I or any of us, and I am the first to acknowledge that. It does us all well to just listen.
The subject that I want to cover today are those who join together through their Church community or any Community and put up their homes and assets to pay the bond that bails out the murderers or rapists, so these innocent parents and families, who have lost so much have to see the person, not to mention live their fear, of having to mingle with them back in their communities. As Voltaire is quoted of saying,”True madness” is to have erroneus perceptions and to reason correctly from them.
I do want to describe to all of us just how charming,loving and charismatic the Narcissists,anti-social, and all those who suffer from a variety of personality disorders that leaves them void of a conscience,pretenses really are like, to the outside world or the general public.As I have already said, in another post,at least one of these disorders are present in all murderers and serial rapists. We can not seperate them from all of us, many times, in whom we are looking at or hearing.
It is the person who lives under the roof, with these pretenders, who will see a far different person from what the rest of us see.Their family members, who do not lose touch with reality or become brain washed by them, too many times will know that they are conning the rest of us.Sadly, many times these members are being manipulated and bullied by the threats of harm to their loved ones with both physical and verbal abuse. There will always be those who do see the true nature of these people, as rage is center focus of all of them even though some can keep their rage suppressed for a while, but few will accept our interpretation of them and entire communities will some times turn against the person or people who do recognize their true nature, in favor of protecting the perpetrators.
The loved ones of the predator are in a constant state of fear, so they will seldom speak out, even when they are aware that they are preying on others. The criminal justifies their thinking in believing, as they all claim and can be very convincing in doing so, they are the victims, but instead are the victimizers.
Too many people have too many assumptions of what murderers and serial rapists look like and act like.All races and both genders commit all crimes regardless of Church affiliations or not. They look just like us, and in many cases, look much better, as in some, their appearance means far more to them than it does to most of us. Murderers are both men and women. The white race far out-ranks all the races in number of crimes, in America, and that includes both murder and serial rape. They come from “all walks of life” as well as levels of education and income. Incest is always rape and to accuse a child is no different from to accuse any victim of a crime against them.
Most of us do not need to be particularly charming nor try to convince others how loving we are. People who are compassionate and empathetic will simply be themselves and offer where and when they can. Many times they are the anonymous amongst us. They do not have to be center of attention nor particularly noticed. They go about their day-to-day activities in their home and community taking care of what needs to be done, without needing to be praised, while doing it out of love or concern for others.
Not the person who is prone to crime, unless their crime entails that they remain in the shadows, in order to be successful. Many men will claim Navy Seals,CIA, or Special Forces affiliations or experience. They have a real need to appear to be brave and heroic. Women will many times claim to be survivors of anything from the worse abuse to cancer and often will use tears to gain our sympathy. Where ever they go, many times, there is a great deal of drama that follows them. Both are chronic liars. They have a strong need to be the center of attention. Many have the best and need to talk about how much they spent for it.Since their image of grandeur in themselves is so great many are in debt to their ears or constantly being bailed out of financial messes by those foolish enough to do so. They are always popular, but have no real feelings for anyone but themselves and how they look or how life affects them. They only use generosity and show us kindness in order to obligate people to them and to feed their own grandiose image of themselves.
They are very manipulative in that many times ,when they appear to be doing the work, more times than not, someone who they can manipulate is doing it for them, while they take the credit of out working all of us. Often, they are leaving their children elsewhere and shirking their own responsibility, so they can run a committee, teach Bible Study, or play the organ and help the ministers or often times are the Church Leaders themselves.Other times they are the handy-men or the neighbor lady that we all depend on in our own neighborhoods. Too many people are assuming that these people could never hurt anyone, and when we do we are set up to being taken advantage of, on a regular basis. It does us all well to remember that while we are real, they are on a stage, winning an Oscar, for their play acting.
At the same time they can be the opposite of that and be very shy and what some would call “mousey” but always eager to take over or to lend a hand.Their emotions can be very stilted or stoic and many will admire how strong or brave they are facing trauma.A crowd is always important to them in order to convince most of their innocence and their kindness. Many of these people will need to be close to the money or the recognition in order to fool others into believing they are a “Saint.”They need to have control and have periods where they have the energy of three of us. Not all are abusive in their own homes but the pretense of being timid that some will show the outside world is not a part of their personality behind closed doors. Too many times we will over-look that they have a tendency to be less than honest by telling ourselves that we must have just misunderstood.
Make no mistakes, regardless of what any or all of us see in them the minute that the criminal element feel threatened or we no longer serve their purpose, we all will become murder victims. Too many people think the majority of crimes are caused in dark or back allies but the majority of them happen close to home. In cases where they can relieve their debt through collecting life insurance on us, we no longer serve a purpose for them in being alive. When there is danger of the greedy having to split up assets or the risk of losing child custody, an affair exists, or an imminent separation or divorce these predators are equally dangerous. No matter how much they profess or try to convince us or others of their concern or love for us, they are very intent with getting what they want or need from us. They all are driven with rage and making sure they never get caught. They can be short,tall,extremely handsome,a knock out, over-weight, or average looking, but they are very good at being a con.
Too many in a Church community are reasoning that one of their’s cannot be guilty and in doing so, adding to the pain of the true victims. I know your concern is in “How could we have allowed someone so evil to gain so much control and have such influence on us?” People of all degree of morality often do co-exist amongst, all of us, but we do not add to our own grace by harboring a murderer/rapist/abuser amongst us.We are not programmed to review other people’s conscience or to sit in judgement of their actions. We are programmed into morally doing what we think is right over wrong.As a result, none of us are going to catch every con that enters our circle but to protect them only adds to our own corruption.
The reason we all should go with our own common sense and none of us should ever think that life is always, “black and white”, or judge others is that these same personalities can co-exist in people who do need medical or professional help and our concern.The great majority of people exhibiting some of these same behaviors are simply immature or suffering from mental illness that can be treated or cured, if we get it at an early enough of an age. At any age both they and their loved ones can receive a great deal of benefit from treatment.
They are no more a threat to society than any of the rest of us, unless they are left untreated, and then they can become a threat to both themselves or others. Most of them will get the attention of law enforcement as a result of drug or alcohol abuse and they are often extremely difficult for families to try to deal with alone. They need professional help. Many times the above behavior is very real and part of a compassionate person who only does want to help. If we turn our backs on them when they are being victimized by others, who would take advantage of them, then we must be ready to acknowledge what role if any we need to understand, is ours’ to take. Have we gotten so full of ourselves that we have lost appreciation for the fact that all adults are responsible for their own behavior or so complacent that we think no one needs our help?
It is so hypocritical to aid and abet a murderer/abuser simply because we are afraid of what our Church Community,family, or neighborhood will look like or what others may think. The reputation of any community is likely going to be more hurt than helped when we do this. People would not be human, in any community, if their hearts,efforts,commitments, and reaching out did not go to the victim over those who protect the perpetrator instead.
The truth is,without all sides of the picture or story, do any of us who are not involved, really know who is the victim or the aggressor when we are speaking about adults? Can any of us ever believe that we ourselves would raise a child who grew up to kill or abuse others? It is extremely rare when a parent will acknowledge their child is guilty of such a crime even when the facts are staring them in the face. We all do know one thing for certain, and that is the functional and rational parents or family who lose a loved one or have a member who is scarred for life, are rarely wrong, when assessing a history of behavior. How long will we aid and abet denial and bad behavior before we do recognize our own damage towards supporting it?
When we speak for someone else, simply out of community regard, what we clearly are doing, is speaking out of friendship, more times than not, for another. It does us all well to understand what the weight and responsibility of those words and actions carry on the true victims.
We do need to know and understand the moral depth of our own word and actions, and to what extent others can con us into hurting those we would never dream of adding more pain to.None of us can afford to be led blindly by anyone, without assessing a certain amount of forgiveness to ourselves or others, when we or they do allow it to happen, as guilt always does come naturally for those of us who do have a conscience, when we or they do regain our or their vision or memory of fact.
The error lies in not learning from the mistake and taking responsibility for it when we do.We need to correct our own behavior or responses while changing the direction in ourselves,as how we deal with the problem in the future. Once we understand our own role in adding to another’s pain or hurt,we need to make the changes in ourselves, by resolving to never repeat the same behavior, as well as, make compensation to the injured. Trying to stop it through denial just adds insult to injury.We all would do well to remember or to ask ourselves,” just what is our own value, to ourselves, as well as to mankind?”