Is it just me or don’t we all want our friendships to be kept on the lighter side of life? My experiences have been that if we do tell too many people our problems, as a rule, they will listen a couple of times, especially if they’re women as men will have a difficult time hearing it the first time, and then will tune us out.
Most of us are fortunate enough to have that one really good friend that we can discuss the most private thoughts to,(thats what our spouses or best friends, are for) and otherwise it is my opinion, that we all have burdens enough with problems that the true value of friendship lies in cheering each other up. As I have said before, I have deliberately complained and bitched, at times, just to get a manipulator out of my life when telling them “No” does not work.Nothing in my estimation will drive people away faster than an obsessive complainer.
We all have that friend or had that friend that will tell anyone who will listen, even strangers on the street or janitors at the school, about her or his disappointing or ungrateful or equally defaming words of a loser of a husband,wife,child,friend,neighbor,boss,parent,sibling, etc. and if we do try to offer some good constructive advice, they either have an excuse or ignor it anyway.The sad thing about people who do this, unfortunately, is often times there are people who are truly abused or abusive and it confuses all of us as to if it is a cry for help or a chronic habit.
Too many people do end up feeling dreadfully guilty if they find out later it was a cry for help, and we did not know that it was until our friend is brutalized. I certainly do not suggest that if we are truly friends that we ever desert anyone in a time of crises. Anyone that does will have a very difficult time, I think, in believing they do value friendship. I am talking about the people who want us to live their life for them to the point it becomes habit or interferes in our taking care of our own responsibilities.
Many people, who become comfortable being victims or playing the helpless role, will cry wolf over too many petty things sometimes that we do tend to tune out instead of offer help to those who truly do need our help. We need to lighten up with the understanding that friendship is about love,laughter, and good times, a great majority of the time, as well.
Speaking of petty:), a real pet peeve, I have, are the people who would not sacrifice their own effort an hour much less a week of their time without pay to do something patriotic for someone other than a friend or themself or their Church group, but instead will wear a flag pin in their lapel, everywhere they go to show their Patriotism. When they then tell me.”they hate all Muslims”, Or support those who “Gay Bash”, or say “profiling by the police is necessary for our Freedom and anyone who disagrees with that are just plain stupid”, while wearing the pin, I can’t help but think they are missing the point?
Isn’t Patriotism all about acceptance and sacrifices for and of our differences and diversity so that we all can enjoy Democracy and are willing to sacrifice through our actions? (A personal aside,it does explain to me why so many Republican and Tea Party Politicians appear to have a need to wear the pin while telling those we did elect, “Our way or the Highway.” How long will we the voters tolerate that–Flag Pin or no Flag Pin?)
How about the person that accepts our gifts or pictures and we find out they give them away to another person who we would just as soon not have it? Wouldn’t we all rather that they would be honest enough to tell us that they would just as soon not take it or give it back to us as to find out they gave it away?
You guessed it, my problem at the moment is,”Do I give back the flag pins or keep them and keep my mouth shut?” I’m certainly not such a fickle friend as to regift them or to have a friend’s feelings hurt because they find out I gave them to someone else. Anything to do with politics is probably not a good gift to give unless perhaps it has to do with that individuals own value system. Perhaps I will be able to keep them in the spirit of friendship.
Gifting in an effort to turn anothers’ political views, in my estimation, makes about as much sense as a White Supremist wearing their flag pins to denote their Patriotism. I’m sure I won’t join their club but at the moment I am having a hard time in saying thanks without feeling like a hypocrit, in the process, by being less than honest about how I do feel. People who live their convictions of Patriotism, like all else in life, do not need to advertise or stoop to the level of those who wear them out of a hate grudge. Sadly, the Patriotic Pins have become so much more than what they were intended to be because of those who do choose to hate.
The other thing that amuses me about friends are those who think it is fine to say something insulting but instead call it constructive criticism on how we dress, our views, our appearances and how we spend our time, whenever we see them, and then play the victim role when it comes to,”Why don’t you ever stop and see me anymore?”
Well folks this is my bitch for the day. That’s the good thing about writing a blog. We can truly tune it out if we do not recognize ourselves in it and simply not read it. Blogs aren’t in our face and most of them are nothing more than self expression.
The best friend any and all of us will ever have or can have is ourselves. No one on earth understands us just in quite the same way as we do understand ourselves and as long as we expect someone else to understand us in the same way, we are always going to be sadly disappointed.
To all of us then Cheers and give yourself a hug! The only advice that I will offer today is to take a good look in the mirror when you get a moment,as you should see your best friend looking back. Loneliness, like all emotions, derives from our own refusal to be the kind of person we would most want to spend time with. It only takes doing for others, being appreciative, and having a dog/cat greet us to learn just how significant we all are, if we cannot value ourselves and others as the person God loves.
