Part 2-Shame-The Equalizer-The Destruction

Part 4 on the series of 5 posts

If you read my other 3 posts in this series, then you know I mentioned the serious mental disorders that lead to serial rape and murder. I also told you that we already have a law on the books that would allow us to treat addictions and remove a gun or knife from all minors in place, without anyone yelling,”Unconstitutional.” It is called” Reckless endangerment of a minor by an adult”. Once the law is enforced, parents,guardians, or adult buyers or pushers could be held or fined, while children received treatment for carrying a gun or knife,inebriation, or use of illegal substance that cause mental health issues to worsen, if left untreated or unenforced.

They would not have to nor would we want them to invade our privacy or business but arrests made on the streets would cut crime even more. Since the other 3 posts in this series, are more on what shame and lies are doing to our Country than on the specific diseases, I would like to go more into detail here on what we as a Nation already know about psychopaths and anti-social disorders.

Psychopaths and sociopaths (better known as anti-social personality disorder today, and are estimated to make up 4% of our Nation’s population) are a combination of mental disorders as versus just a single disorder. When America became disturbed in 1999 about the teenage shootings, Congress funded an extensive study on video games, the lack of prayer in school, working mothers, violent movies, and poor parenting as possible scapegoats for blame, as to the violence in our youth. They even canceled,” Buffy the Vampire Slayer” incase the show was leading the young people to kill.

It has become fodder for the Religious and Conservative Right to blame working mothers for years. If anything conclusive came out of it, I do not recall that it was announced. I do know that it couldn’t have found much in that regards, because the Religious and Conservative Right have said for years that single and working mothers are the cause for all social ills in America, and if they found anything significant we can all bet the media would have flooded us with the results if they found anything conclusive.We do know all other studies on working Mothers as versus stay-at-home Moms show there is no difference in the success or fail rate of children, except Mothers who do work out of the home do show that they are more satisfied and the children are better socially adapted.

This is the good news, Science does know; These disorders are possible to diagnose in children as young as 3 and 4 years of age and possibly even in the embryo in the womb, because there has been enough biological information found. For instance we know they have a lower serotonin level in the brain. If we treat children before the age of 14 then we have a possibility of a cure. These pathologies or disorders are readilly diagnosible by Forensic Psychiatrists and regular Psychiatrists. There have been smaller studies done that show head injuries during childhood may play a bigger role than some thought. That would explain why income or gender does not matter with these disorders.

If we experience aggression or violence in our children and they are bullying others as well as, are discipline problems,and appear to be play acting through life, instead of showing any real emotions, and have the following symptoms then it is in our best interests, as well as theirs, to not to try to diagnose them ourselves or have the school counselor do so, but to be referred to a Psychiatrist or Forensic Pyschiatrist to have our children checked out.This then are the symptoms:

Emotional/Interpersonal
1.glib and superficial–they are not really serious about anything
2.egocentric and grandiose
3.lack of guilt or remorse
4.lack of empathy when someone else or a pet is hurt
5. they lie and manipulate people into what they want but will not do themselves
6.Shallow fake emotions

Social Deviance
1. impulsive
2. poor behavior control
3. need for excitement–as in carnival rides or adrenaline rushes
4. lack of responsibility
5. early behavior problems
6. adult anti-social behavior–they are very charming and have groups to entertain but do not get really emotionally close to anyone. Lying and bragging also is symptomatic. It is all about them and being the center of attention. They trade friends or are left by groups faster than most people change light bulbs.

I repeat: Please do not use this list to try to diagnose yourself. As many of these are also symptomatic of other psychotic diseases and if treated wrongly can be a disaster. It requires the specialties mentioned above along with blood workups and other screenings. Since the earlier it is caught the earlier it is possible to treat and give our child a normal life, to delay or go into denial is just too sad for the entire human race. Too many family Doctors will brush us aside as over concerned mothers, so do not hesitate to find another if that is the case. One of the worse problems we have with mental illness is the denial of parents and their refusal to get help. Mothers,especially, do know when something is not quite right with their child.

We know by 15 the results of it ever being treated is next to nil. Adults with aggression and violence who are psychopaths or have anti-social disorder are not all serial rapists and murderers but all serial rapists and murderers do suffer from these disorders.

We know once a child is 14 criminal activity does start showing up and counseling does not work as another symptom of the disease is complete and utter denial and delusion. Counselling does not work as they are not able to feel shame,remorse or empathy for others. In their minds they are the intelligent ones and everyone else is stupid and nuts. Rarely will many finish school or get jobs that last. Drugs and alcohol becomes a large part of their life, which only increases the effects of the disorder. The only way Society will ever be safe from those who have the criminal element of the disorder, is to shut them up for life so that Society remains safe.

We know that they come from every social-economic level and that poverty is not responsible. There is a genectic factor. We know when they come from homes with abuse in them, their offenses are more severe than in homes where they were loved and treated well. It effects both boys and girls, men and women. Parenting is not the total blame but poor parenting does play a role. In other words, if they are raised in homes where anger is shown and expressed through fists and beatings to both them and a parent there will be more savagery committed during their crimes.

We as a Society need to be working together to get rid of the stigmatism that is stuck to mental illness. We need to quit saying we are going to do something about it and then do nothing. We have a moral obligation to express the honesty and heart break of what mental illness does do to families and then treat it.

How can we call ourselves Christian and deny that mental illness is an affliction and illness of the mind that no one ask for or deserves. There is not a family in America that has not been afflicted with it and we still act as though it is a shame to acknowledge that truth. Its’ effects on families are ripping families apart and yet as a Nation, we deny that it is a real disease no different from that of cancer. The denial, itself is symptomatic of the effects of the disease. We are so hard on people who suffer from its destructive effects that some children would rather be drug addicts than be diagnosed of mental illness, not even realizing that drug and alcohol use can also be a form of psychosis. Children need to be treated and the disorders recognized when they are younger.

As a Society,parents, schools,churches,Doctors,business men,policemen,judges,politicians,lawyers,social services all need to be made aware of the fact that boys especially, are not just being boys or girls are not just taking after their Mothers. Many times. “we hear other women say that another woman is a bitch but her daughter is going to pay her back when she gets older,” without realizing that there may be more truth to that, than they realize. Too many adults are just passing the behavior off without realizing that these children are in serious need of all of us becoming adults and hearing their cries for help.

By the time law enforcement or the Courts are dealing with them, it is already too late for them to be able to help them or Society, either one. Unless Religion and Science work together for a solution, we will never be able to find our children the help they need. With 20 States putting them to death we should all be abhorred by the shame of it all.We owe our Nation’s children a whole lot more than that! A Nation is only as strong as the way it shows compassion to it’s most vulnerable who live amongst us.

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Shame–The Equalizer-The Destroyer

Part 3 on the series of 5 posts

“What makes the pain we feel
from shame and jealousy so
cutting is that vanity can
give us no assistance in
bearing them”
(Francois de la Rochefoucald)

Shame is the very emotion that stops the great majority of us from being immoral and helps develope the conscience of the common man, at the same time it has been and always will be the most destructive of emotions.

Mankind is born to tell the truth. It is shame that prevents us from lying or acting out immorally. True we all lie on some basis or the other. Who hasn’t said when the phone rings,”tell them I am not here,” or “that looks lovely on you,” or in many cases when someone ask us if they have caught us napping, we will deny it?

What the great majority of us do not do is lie or act out in order to destroy the good name or reputations of others or to cheat them out of what is rightfully theirs’, unless we are willing to bear the shame, which most of us are not. Narcissists,psychopaths and sociopaths do not have a conscience that was formed out of empathy for anyone else other than themselves.We need to understand that people who suffer from these disorders are not all criminals but in some cases our parents or neighbors.

On the otherhand, all rapists and murderers do have these disorders. As badly as many of us want to think their conscience will not let them rest, they do not suffer the pain of their destructive behavior like the rest of us. If they are captured and imprisoned then they will suffer the pain of their own victimization because they are innocent in their mind, and not because they threatened our lively hood or loved ones. The only person that they truly care for or about, is themselves.

When they cannot control or manipulate others, then they feel threatened. They often times delight in the fact that their crime has gotten the attention of the media and press, and they have fullfilled a dream by becoming infamous. For the rest of Society,however, the shame we feel in the mistakes that we make is usually the reason we do learn from our errors or mistakes and work towards not repeating them again. Those without a conscience never learn because they never feel shame or suffer guilt.

As a Society, we have over the years, made women and their behavior the brunt of shame and guilt, due to our society having been established on Puritan beliefs.The Judeo-Christian World demands that women remain chaste or suffer the consequences. What was once the greatest shame a woman could bring on her family has now become realistic and more acceptable for mankind to acknowledge and to accept. We no longer lie to ourselves in acknowledging that a certain sector of women will become pregnant without the benefit of marriage.

A child’s success or failure, sadly though, is still based on the principle of the fact that the father was missing from the home much quicker than it is to believe that mothers can be and are, horrific monsters, to their children when they suffer from the above untreated disorders. Because we are so convinced of the virginal aspect of women still In America, in the same amount of time that we put to death 25 children we only executed 7 women.

Since women still raise the majority of children in America, we refuse to believe that there are women who sometimes will love one of their children while mistreating the others, and other times only tolerates children, or are indifferent to children. Some mothers even claim to despise their children and tell them, “they are sorry they were ever born.” or “Afraid they would go to Hell if they had an abortion,” and yet we refuse to believe that mothers can create the total evil seen in some children, today.

As we are learning more about head injuries and the brain we are becoming more aware as to what causes some to become criminals while the great majority of us could never bear the shame or even the idea or guilt of treating another human being so grievously. We are learning that injury to the frontal lobe while children, is often the cause of the loss of cognitive thought and seen typically in serial killers regardless of gender.

Ultimately, as knowledge enlightens ignorance then shame and guilt also becomes less and we become a more accepting and caring civilized World. Sadly though there will always be those who want to struggle against the concept of Science and ban education in order to cling to shame and guilt.

If we no longer believe in the anger and punishment of mankind by a vengeful God and instead accept a loving and forgiving God, or replace the influence on us by Satan with brain disorders, then Religion itself becomes threatened with extinction. It does us all well to know that there is plenty of need for Religion and Science to co-exist. Sadly, it is the need of the ego and the thirst for power of the Religious and Conservative Right, that is making those who refuse to see that truth, the danger that they are.

When we know and accept every crime in America ever committed began and ended with a lie,and that the lies are becoming so powerful as to destroy our Democracy, then we will also understand the need for Religion and Science to co-exist for the betterment of mankind and freedom. Shaming mankind from childhood to adulthood may have both good and bad tied to it but when it becomes over-balanced in a Society as it has today, we destroy ourselves.

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Symptoms Of A Liar

Part 2 on the series of 5 posts

Once upon a time,I took on a job to help a child who had fallen into the pattern of lying, when it became convenient for him to get out of taking responsiblity for himself and his obligations when he was at the age he needed to, because he was someone I cared about and I felt I could make a difference. Children as a rule lie for two reasons; either they are afraid of punishment or they will embarrass themselves. Adults will lie for the same reasons but also to spare feelings in others and to exaggerate their own importance. This is not a job for wusses. I’m not sure who was punished more, him or me, but I don’t do a job half-way, as my kids will testify.

I’m sure when people heard of the punishment I adopted, in an attempt to correct the lying for his sake, it did not always meet with everyone’s approval, but I was way past that and trying to save a child that I cared about. I have always believed in the reward and punishment system with the punishment fitting the crime. Since I believe that lies,stealing, and deliberately being mean to others require a stepped up program over the everyday mishaps of life, it took all the imagination I had. Basically it was an exhausting 24/7 job that lasted 6 months and saw rewards.

It is not a job that I would ever take on again and it taught me new respect for both Bar Tenders and Psychologists. One of the things he wanted to know was, “How can you always tell that I am lying, since you catch me in a lie every time?” My husband quickly responded, “Do not try to figure out her system.” Although I had no formal training, I was born with a knack to recognize a lie the minute the words came out of a person’s mouth and they walked in the door. Maybe because I grew up with a chronic liar as a child and learned early in life, the damage a lie can do. For that I have always been grateful.

Here are a list of symptoms that you can look for if someone in your life may be lying and you are afraid that they may be or will be doing great harm to themselves or to you. Don’t use this list as verbatim because sometimes people’s noses itch even when they tell the truth. I know a person who stares, when I look them in the eye and staring can make the most honest of people blanche,sometimes. Shy people also find it difficult to maintain eye contact.
Here then is the list and I hope you find it helpful. A person who lies:

1.avoids eye contact
2.pupils dilate and blinking reduces or stops
3.does not smile or if smiles, they smile after the statement such as”I love this gift” instead of smiling while saying,”I love this gift.”
4.fake or false smiles that form at the mouth and lips only and end abruptly or unnaturally, An honest smile will involve the entire face from downward forehead to eyes to cheeks.
5.smile is forced and clearly an act
6.eyes are vacant
7.gestures and explains too much uses fewer arm and hand movements while pulling their body inward to make themselves smaller
8.uses increased touching of their face often touching or itching the nose,chin or mouth. Rarely if ever will touch their chest with an open hand
9.raises voice pitch
10.increased pauses and hesitations and stumbles over words when speaking
11.talks slower and explains too much
12.avoids using factual statements that can be checked out. Such as where did they go?what was the name of the movie?,who did they see? Eventually they learn these questions so when in doubt spring a new one on them and watch reaction.
13.Uses generalizations instead of specifics
14.repeats question to buy time and takes longer to answer it
15.Uses fewer answers than usual
16.has more uhs and ums than normal
17.is inclined to mumble over speaking out
18.Statements sound like questions
19 avoids pronouns like I or we but will use unfamiliar names and then often forgets the names used
20.implies rather than answers or will ask a question rather than answer
21.avoids direct answers
22.claims sound too good to be true
23 reasoning sounds unrealistic or emplausible
24.if they claim to be outdoors but have a little awarenes of the weather that took place or indoors and has difficulty remembering the name of the street or business. Allowances need to be given for the forgetfull.
25.the guilty tend to get defensive while the honest tend to be offensive.
26.very uncomfortable and squirms a lot.
27.they always have excuses and are always the victim.(many children truly are victims-know the difference)
28.its never their fault and they blame readily.
29.will unconsciously place an object between the two of you such as a plate,water glass, or notepad. The natural placement is always in front of us, of course.
30. will parrot our words. Such as if we ask,”did you drink the last of the milk?” They will say,”No, I did not drink the last of the milk.”

In my own experience, the number one way I could tell that a friend of mind was lying was when I went by her home at 7:30 in the morning and saw her husband’s best friend leaving while the husband was out of town. Of course observation is always the best way to truly tell if a person is lying but even then there can be extenduating circumstances.:) I’m sure others can add more to this list, but anyone that can remember this long of a list either has to be very determined or paranoid. The sooner we can catch someone who lies the better it is for both them and ourselves. Acute is always easier to treat or cure, where as, chronic is not. Good Luck!

(Caution: Sociopaths (not all are serial killers), who make up 4% of the population,will not show most of these symptoms, although everytime their lips move, they are pretty much lying)

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The Most Tragic Lie Ever Spread In America

Part 1 of the series of 5 posts

In keeping with the Republican idea of, “Getting Tough On Crime”,in America,the lie was started and spread by the media between 1994 and 2001, that juvenile crime was escalating and would increase at astronomical rates. The person responsible even made and spread a new term, called,”The Super predator amongst our juvenile population.”

The truth was that juvenile crime had actually dropped by 40% during this time. That did not stop John J. Diulio, who served as the director of the White House Office of Faith-Based and Community Initatives to both start and predict that 270,000 fatherless,Godless, and jobless juvenile superpredators(his terminology) would be flooding the American streets.

We have never yet reached the rate of crime, that we had as a Nation in the 1920′s, and the truth is between 1994 and 2001,there had been a steady decrease in juvenile crime since the 1970′s. However if a candidate is going to run on a platform of, “tough on crime.” then some one better invent the lie that juvenile crime is spinning out of control and spread it quickly, if they want their Republican candidate to win the election on that platform.

The evidence of an increase in juvenile crime rate then, or in the near future, was no more factual than the discovery of the Loch Ness Monster. That did not stop the general attitude or perception in America,to come up with the idea, “to kill the little bastards” would be the best law to safeguard us all, unfortunately. To make juveniles punishable for crimes in adult prison systems, would be the most favorable of law, in the minds of the right wing and the mind of the majority of Americans,sadly. It was so moved and became law, across America. When we realize that the human brain is not even capable of knowing or understanding the full imput of risk taking or fully formed until the age of 21, then in my estimation, that lie has become the most tragic lie of all, in America.

Even though America was part of the International Law group that forbid sending children to the gas chamber,or subjecting them to killing by lethal injection, the United States would sign and ratify the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, but would reserve the right to allow children under 18 to be put to death in 1992. The only other Countries that would allow this were Pakistan, Saudi Arabia,Iran, and Yemen.

As the voice of the Christians rose against abortions and in favor of Pro-Life for the embryo, the same voices rose in favor of being, “Tough on Crime”, even if it meant killing children who grew up in the most abusive of homes without guidance of any kind. Because the perception of the American people were being convinced that crime was on a runaway path, more children in America would be put to death than in all 4 of the above countries combined. 20 States still uphold death by execution for children while children await their executions on Death Row. More Conservative judges were appointed to make certain the punishment was tough on crime instead of treating kids in a rehab center for the drug addictions that help drive their crime.

If we treated drug use and alcohol consumption in youth in America as the disease that it is, we could spare the lives of the people that they kill as well as their own, and many would never have to die, in many of these cases. We must treat addiction in our youth as the illness that it is with the crime being charged against the adults who expose them to such, while they are under age. Adults may choose to be alcoholics and drug addicts but children often do not have the capacity to make a cognitive,informed, or intelligent choice. They are way too concerned about what their friends will think of them than they are able to understand the consequences or effects of their decisions. When we hear of 9 and 11 year olds being forced into prostitution and drugs, then an adult should be held responsible. Drugs and alcohol on the under-developed brain is certain to end up as an explosive in our Society, if left untreated.

Children, are in a large percentage,introduced to both drugs and alcohol in their own home. When they use it under peer influence, then we can almost bet that the pusher had their first “drunk” or “fix” under the lack of care of their parents or another adult. Juvenile crime would drop even further if parents were made to be responsible for or lock up their booze,drugs and guns or at the very least, pay a fine, if an under age child was found inebriated or with a gun or knife.I do not suggest that anyone evade our privacy in our own homes, but an adult needs to be charged while the child receives treatment, in my estimation. If we can make wearing seat belts a law for the good of our own safety can’t we enforce the law that is already on the books? Without anyone screaming Unconstitutional, the law called, “Reckless endangerment of a minor by an adult” only needs to be enforced. Putting children to death is never an answer to justice.

Children are victims in America, like all other Countries.Children are the innocent amongst us and the most vulnerable of all. They are starved to death, abused,neglected,raped and subjected to the most horrific of crimes. To know As Americans, with the best Democracy in the World, we the American people believed such a lie,spread against our Nation’s children, in order for the Republican Party to adopt a platform of “Get tough on Crime”, should be heart breaking to us all.

Yes some of the most horrific crimes in America, or anywhere else in the World, have been committed by children. Many of these children, in many cases, are made monsters in their own homes, and are totally in a rage due to the victimization that their own parents or society have done to them, or the victims that we make them become in some orphanages that are not fit to be a dog kennel, or foster care homes where the goal is to gain the check and forget the child.

As we watch today’s Republicans with their special interests propaganda, that has nothing to do with representing Democracy or “we the people,” who elect them, be it for eliminating equal rights through abortion, or protecting Drug and Insurance Companies against any form of healthcare that will help lower the cost of healthcare for the American people, or the Republicans and Tea Party out to protect the oil Companies revenue or right to drill on government land, it would do us all well to remember just how easy it is to start and spread a lie.

When those lies are started and spread by Faith-Based or Special Interests Groups of any kind, and two thirds of the radio stations are owned by Christian Broadcasting networks who have historically fired up people like Rush Limbaugh,Glen Beck or Robinson,combined by all the “Special Interests” dollars being spent on so called Patriot Groups, then we all have reasons to be more than concern. The fact that the lie on Crime was being spread in America and no credible network ever said anything about it being a lie,at the time, should tell all of us, how quickly Democracy can end. Re-elect Barack OBama in 2012.

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Uncurable Unemployment

For those who have not discovered it yet, drug usage and sales, are no longer just in the poverty sections of Cities and communities. It is in the middle and upper classes of America,as well. Once unheard of, in rural areas, it is now escalating everywhere. When he have drug users being supported by families, while they draw unemployment, then we can add them to the list of uncurable unemployment.

As larger numbers drop out of Society or schools, to join white Supremists and Patriot groups,while drawing unemployment, and more kids are told the uselessness of education, by these same groups, then we can add a higher drop out rate in education, while drawing unemployment into the adult years. As children are given more, while doing less to earn it, we add an increase amount of laziness to the lists of adults who would rather draw unemployment over working. All of these adults become uncurable unemployment records.

When we refuse to see 18 year olds as the adults that they are and expect them to leave home to either get an education or to hold down a job, while paying their own expenses, we create more people who will be drawing unemployment. When we have adults who refuse to take on jobs that they feel that are beneath them, we have another market for incurable unemployment.

When we have people refusing to leave what they know as home to go elsewhere to get jobs, that are not being filled, then we have immature adults who would rather draw unemployment over working. If unemployment was truly based on the amount of time worked as versus the about of time un-employed we would find more people taking the jobs that they currently feel over-qualified for, in my estimation.

The other thing, that all of us must keep in mind is that Corporate Amercia is not going to hire as long as they have oversight committees over them, if all they need to do is wait until the Republican Party comes back into office and withdraws all of the restrictions. They can produce product, at less cost, over seas, just as easilly. It is in their best interests to keep employment down and umemployment up, in order to persuade ,we, the American public, to vote the Republicans back in, so they can elimininate the Unions and go unchecked without restrictions, on their gaining profits again.

Unfortunately this is what created the mess that the Republican majority got us into.We already know that when restrictions are lifted on banks,oil companies, and Corporate the greed takes over at an expense to the middle class, as that was well proven when the restrictions were lifted. Please remember, though, that as the private sector made more money the working sector were laid off at even a greater rate, when restrictions were lifted.It was the over-seas market, who gained in employment. Lifting restrictions, only means gains to oil companies, Corporate and Banks, and more often than not a higher cost to the workers.

As long as they continue stock piling money while the banks continue refusing to lend money, then all they need to do is wait for another Republican majority, while draining the Government Treasury, by keeping taxes down.Once Uncle Sam no longer has funds to pay it’s debts then private business will own government and in doing so eliminate all restrictions that allows greed to run rapid, and we will truly see inflation like we have never seen, before, with the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer.

The goal of the new Republicans and Tea Party candidates as well as “those for a more Prosperous America” who are running to be president in 2012, will be to convince us that our taxes are too high, although it is a complete lie since our Federal taxes, are as low as they have been since the 1950′s. Many of your States have been poorly ran and that combined with oil,cigarette,and City taxes along with the increase in food costs, may be taking a drain on your checks but Federal taxes remain too low, to reimburse the Treasury for rises in future costs.

Sadly, what we have going on in America, today, is uncurable unemployment with those who do want to work and are willing to make the sacrifices, that our fore-fathers made by moving across America to do so, paying the price. Reality is that government cannot force companies to hire or people to work, and as a result, we will maintain high unemployment until we do have a robust economy with people wanting to go back to work,again.

The argument has always existed that Capitalism is greed and unless we take off government restrictions then we choke free enterprise. Capitalism does need to be able to flourish but not at the expense of the American people who are made more desitute as a result of it. Without government then private business has no restrictions preventing it from literally bankrupting America.Too many have already attempted to do just that, and in the process both we as well as our children, and grandchildren are or will pay the price to make a handfull of people wealthier.

It has been my experience that those who do want to work will work even if it is in volunteer until they do make the right contact that will employ them, even if it means moving across Country or in some cases, out of Country. No one can keep a person of ambition down, not even Corporate or Politicians.”We the People” need to insist that the Republicans go back to work for we,who elect them,so that banks can start making rational loans and both the oil companies and Corporate quit gouging the American worker, by pressuring or paying,the Tea Party or the Republicans to work against us. We all need to go back to work by re-electing Barack OBama. We need to tell the “say No and argue” Republicans and
Tea Party Candidates, that they will not be elected unless they learn the art of compromise that benefits, “We the People”!

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Abraham Lincoln and Slavery Update

Although I wrote in one of my posts that historians felt Abraham Lincoln was rather indifferent towards slavery, I have since had the pleasure to buy volume 1 and volume 11 of Abraham Lincoln done by Tarbell in 1895, that clearly shows, in my estimation, that Abraham Lincoln did find slavery an insult on humanity. Along with other research done by me I feel that Lincoln was deeply moved against slavery, so I am correcting my earlier post, here, in an effort to keep my blog honest and to reverse the original one that I wrote.

Abraham Lincoln went against the Whig Party, which was his Party of choice, and was the only one to refuse to sign a resolution proffered in the tenth Illinois Assembly, by the Whig Party in 1834, (later Republican Party)to ban all abolitionlists and their right to gather in the New United States of America. When the Southern States were screaming that the Northern Yankees(Liberals) were trying to deny them their Divine right according to the Constitution to own slaves. He felt the anti-slavery people had a right to free speech and said as much, at that time, without saying that slavery was wrong.

Abraham Lincoln’s parents Thomas and Nancy Hanks Lincoln were married by a Baptist minister who was one of the beginning promoters in the 1820′s to move towards doing away with slavery. He was a very formidable abolitionist and part of the movement in the beginning, establishing the abolitionists’ movement. As a result Thomas and Nancy Hanks were also very strong in their belief that slavery was wrong.

Some historians claim that the Thomas Lincolns left Kentucky because Kentucky was a slave state, where as, Indiana had banned slavery. More than likely though, they left because the Kentucky ground was nothing much more than hard-scrabble and they moved to an area where they could raise a better crop and prevent the starvation they were enduring. Although Indiana had banned slavery, slaves were still owned in the area that they moved to. The law was not strictly upheld at the time. It would not be until Abe Lincoln would move to Illinois,near Springfield, that the beliefs against slavery became very loud and clear and was upheld. The Baptist Church would be the only religion of its day to see slavery as evil

No doubt the confusion as to how strong Abraham Lincoln’s belief was against slavery came in as a result of a letter he wrote to the Drury brothers who were strong abolitionists and part of the under ground railroad to protect fleeing slaves. People would feel that this letter held the impression that Lincoln felt slavery could not long last nor could slavery be allowed to spread into the new annexation of Texas following the war with Mexico to annex Texas to the United States.

He seem to think at that time that nothing could be done to remove established States, their slaves, but with time it would all peter out, anyway. Although Abraham was quite the oracle and would take out time to speak to groups that gathered and could even take on his own Party when he thought they were wrong, Lincoln was forever the the peace maker and in doing so was loath to take on what were controversial subjects of the day. He had a great wit and honesty and would just as soon calm a crowd over upsetting it.

The Southern States held that slavery was a Divine Institution as did many of the Religions of the day and for government to deny them of their slaves was to break the Constitution in regard to interference into a man’s right to worship, by the Northern States. Lincoln would eventually take a stand while a Congressman from Illinois, before the war, to abolish slavery in Washington D.C. as he felt that “We the People” instead of Free Soilers or the individual land owners were the owner of the Capital and as such he could ban slavery there. Lincoln did make the move to pass the abolishing of slaves in Washington,D.C. and was seconded by an old friend of his but failed pitifully when it came to getting his Party to pass the same. It was after talking to Sumner who was very much an abolitionist, that Abraham came to the conclusion that something did need to be done about slavery.

The Civil war did not begin over slavery but instead over the Southern States efforts to secede from, or to leave the United States of America, and become the Free Southern States, after they felt the Industrial North was charging them too high of a tariff to ship their cotton to Britain. They felt since they had both the ports and could maintain their own ships that they could ship their own cotton directly to Britain and save themselves the expense of the tariff. The Civil War actually began when the South blew up it’s own port to annouce it’s secession from the Union. It was when the Republicans feared that Abraham Lincoln would not be re-elected to the second term, since people were becoming tired of the war,and the voice of the abolitionlists of the North was growing louder, that Abraham Lincoln told the Southern States to rejoin the Union or lose their slaves.

There are a number of things, attributed to Lincoln from a friend of his that some historians take as fact. One was that Lincoln was deadly against slavery after seeing them sold in New Orleans. That would later prove to be untrue since that particular trip showed that Lincoln had to get off in St, Lewis and had never made it to New Orleans when his friend said he was there. This same friend would claim later that Lincoln was totally loony toons and left Mary Todd standing at the altar Jan. 1, 1841, to only be proven false,later. Although Lincoln probably did suffer from a breakdown following the death of another woman he was planning on marrying by the name of Ann Rutledge,and it does appear that Lincoln did break off the engagement to ,Mary Todd, for awhile, he never did leave her standing at the altar.

They would be married in the home of her guardians by a Presbytarian minister, and that would spring a great deal of controversy,as well. Mary Todd was highly educated, which was unusual for women of the day, as well as very political. She came from wealth where as Lincoln was still very poor and still depending on his surveyor job. Her friends and family did not approve of Lincoln because he had less than 6 months of formal education and was almost totally self taught. He would pass the law exam, under his own tuteledge, where as Mary Todd was taught by some of the best tutors and schools of the land. Although they liked him and would not prevent the marriage,that probably had as much to do with the break-up as anything. Lincoln was always considered both a moral as well as an honest man, and even his opposition could never say a word against his honesty.

Just, as today, rumors ran rapid then, and it is my general belief, after further research, that Lincoln had very political ambitions that began when he was a child. He would not have taken a strong stand either way on such a controversial subject of the time,because if asked directly of what his views were, on the subject of slavery, I feel he was honest enough to say so, but wise enough to know it could be the end of his career in politics. It has been said,”He had a habit of changing the subject when it was brought up and instead asking,”Who do you think has it worse, the Indians or the slaves?”

At one point, according to historians, Lincoln did ride a boat with slaves, who were moving to Indiana and was amazed in the strength of their ability towards tolerance, as they were leaving scattered families and all chained together, and were playing a guitar,laughing and singing and having a good time. At that point, it has been told, Lincoln made the comment along the line as to,”How true it is that those who are given so little can tolerate so much, while those who are given so much, can tolerate so little.” In my opinion,some of the above points, are what have led some historians to believe he was indifferent to slavery, when in truth he felt it an abomination.

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Perfection-The Silent Abuser

We hear often about families professing to be close and having grown up in the “Ozzie and Harriet” or “Leave It To Beaver” household but then a member of the family ends up in prison for a horrendous crime and everyone is puzzled as to “how” and “why” this could happen. These were the perfect people in a perfect family, “so how could this have possibly happened” usually follows. It is not unusual that even the experts fail to understand it when it does.

Steven Naifeh and Gregory White Smith wrote a book entitled “A Stranger In The Family” in the late 80′s that projected this subject well, as far as I was concern. All the experts were confused as to what went on in the home that would turn a child into a serial rapist,kidnapper and lead to murder, when everyone swore to the fact that there was no abuse in the home. No yelling or shouting, no verbal abuse or beatings, and no sexual abuse. No one went without and it was the perfect family according to them all.

Even the experts seemed to miss out on the humiliation, the mother in this family must have suffered, when she chose to defy her family to marry against the family principles and beliefs only to have been stood up at the airport with the “husband to be” was a “no show.” Within 6 months the young woman, who would become the serial rapist and killer’s mother, had met and married someone else, who prior to that, had been a stranger.

It is my unabridged theory, because her business replaced emotional needs and became her greatest dream in life, it was even known as the “Image Maker” the whole family would need to be perfect for her dream to be realized. Never again was she or anyone going to acknowledge that their life was less than perfect. She learned to be the perfect everything by studying and reading everything that would change her from being that little embarrassed farm girl into a Socially acceptable person. In many ways her life was as phony as a $3 dollar bill and she was demanding the same from her own family members.

Never again would she or her children ever be humiliated through their own actions or apparently be made to take responsibility for their failures. Even the marriage must have taken years to assimilate into this perfect picture since emotionally the husband/dad was very withdrawn and it would be difficult to believe that the marriage was much of anything other than that of a emotional rebound. Even when her son was facing the death sentence the mother seemed obsessed with keeping the image of the family over all else by letting everyone know that he was a good boy as the family image appeared more important than the sympathy she would express to the families who had truly suffered at the hands of her 29 year old son.

If this family opperated according to other families, that I have known, and gave the delusion of perfection, there would had to have been a great deal of denial,witholding of affection,delusions,pretense, and sulking in the home, if they dared be anything less than perfect children. Children are not born perfect, regardless of who tells us differently. Some children are easier to raise than others but all children require discipline and guidance. When the child was born hyper-active it was a reverse role from that of the image that this mother wanted to project.

The future serial rapist,kidnapper and murderer, became very early in life a “neat freak”, which would be understandable, as to be totally neat and perfect no doubt brought with it the hugs and kisses and positive attention that all children crave. Once given, all children are also aware of their absence, when affection is with held due to less than perfect behavior, as well. When children are taught to win approval and to live the dream of another at an early age, before even being able to develope their own personality or social skills, very often it sits up children for confusion or guilt the rest of their life.

Nothing is so dysfunctional as the home where the family professes they grew up in a perfect home with perfect parents. Many of us would do well to understand that there is no plan or pattern for normal when it comes to living life much less raising families. We all will make mistakes and hopefully the best that we can do is learn to improve on them without passing the buck or laying blame on some one other than ourselves when we do mess up.

It is only human to error,on one level or the other. All families are dysfunctional. In the case of this family the entire family became involved in and with living the mother’s dream of everyone working in her business while a father led his own seperate life pretty much bowing out to his wife. He would say that it did not matter to him if his children got C’s but she would become extremely upset if they did not get A’s, so there was never really anyplace in the family for him.

Anytime we ask perfection of ourselves or our loved ones and punish ourselves or loved ones when we or they achieve less, we are failing both ourselves as well as them. Love and affection only granted when we please our parents but with held when we are simply being ourselves and showing interest in innocent clean fun of our own, is simply another form of abuse. Ask anyone whose father showed verbal or silent disgust or their mother pouted, when their performance was less than perfect, and rendered out punishment by not speaking to the child for a week or more, what kind of hell and guilt that child suffered. At the same token in a home where a marriage between spouces is handled in the same manner, the effect can be equally devastating to the children.

All children are born selfish to survive. If they did not cry when they were hungry many would starve to death. Without guidance, on the level that they can understand, they will immediately feel when a parent is not speaking in a home, that they are the cause of it even if they do, do well. When one child is punished in this nature then all the siblings will suffer. Silence following the lack of perfection in a child’s performance can and does terrible harm to not only that child, but the entire family as well. This is not to suggest that screaming or yelling is better. Communication is always the key in any family.

So the moral of this story is, “Be careful when saying you are raising the most perfect family or came from the most perfect family”, as that statement is almost always a real reason for concern. Where drugs, alcohol,crime,indifference,neglect and mental illness are not a count against us in our homes, from the beginning, it is possible to have had a wonderful childhood but no one will ever have a perfect childhood, and survive it without some kind of scar or trauma.

So regardless, of if we blame the parents or blame Society for the outcome of the next generation, we can all be sure that we did not learn all that we needed to learn, either, but the important thing is: we did give our children love according to our own ability to give love, as our parents before us did, as well. It may be harder for some to grow up feeling as though they are loved but no person can love beyond their own capacity to give or receive love. It is only when the family itself, hides behide delusion and denial in an attempt to pretend that the dysfunction did not take place, is when the family will desinigrate.

When we accept the reality of our own childhood, is when we ultimately begin the healing and understanding process that will, in most cases, lead to a stronger and healthier family. Open and honest discussion, almost certainly, will bring with it an improvement in the next generations to come. If we feel that we may have missed out, as many children certainly do, then it is up to all of us to understand that the first step is to acknowledge that it did happen and work towards changing that reality in our own homes.

Unless we embrace the truth in our own childhood we can never really be comfortable with the decision as to remain or stay with the abuse that does become habit forming in families. It is with this fortitude and courage that we will find the peace that it requires to make a decision that can and sometimes does, last a life time. Sometimes leaving may only need be temporary as often times families fail to hear how damaging their words are or their need to control is, until after we leave. Family co-operation and support is a must regardless if it becomes a temporary or a permanent departure.

By being truly honest with ourselves,and weighing our own involvement as well, we and only we, will know if it causes more pain to stay or to leave. As parents we have the ultimate responsibility of remaining and giving our children the unconditional love that they all deserve. Children are a life time commitment when it comes to unconditional love without strings attached, but when we treat them as less, then we need to be prepared to realize that they may make the decision to leave rather than keep a lie or abuse protected.

We should never mistake emotional support or unconditional love with offering financial support to adult children, who are not disabled, and are quite capable of earning their own income as we only do further damage to them, by assuming their financial responsibility. Anytime we use money to control or manipulate another adult into doing our favor we are only adding to their distress. Sometimes the most loving thing that family members can do is to leave instead of staying and causing more pain and hurt to each of us.

As adults we must be honest with ourselves as to if continued abuse or manipulation that hurts our own families, is too large of a sacrifice to make when we get absolutely no co-operation or support from other family members in the relationship to stop the abuse or manipulation. Once free of what has become family habit, life will often turn to the fruition of our dreams, if we have put into it all the requirements necessary, to be comfortable with the decision that we make.

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