The New Bullies:Social Media

I will pick on Facebook since it is the most recognizable along with Tweeter of all of the social media. The social media gives all the bullies amongst us a platform to make up lies and to spread it across the internet. When a bully has the ability to make up lies and to bully without revealing who they are or their real name then they have unlimited access to stoop to any and all levels of disgusting behavior.

One reason that bullies do get by with being a bully is because they can hide behind others and usually function in a group, since they are all cowards, at heart. The internet gives them the ability to act alone by changing their identity so they can sink to a new level of slime. Many times a bully will ingratiate their self to the victim and in doing so they are placed on their Facebook friends page where they have access to the e-mail or the e-mail itself is given out by others if the victim is leery of the bully. Some children being bullied are the gentle amongst us, that are seeking or looking for a friend, so they are almost always vulnerable or receptive to the kindness offered by this type of bully.

It use to be, the bullies were primarily at school and our personal life was never infringed on by them after school hours. Sure they showed up with their bullies in hand between school property and home or on the buses or in the parking lots but once out of the sight of the bully, our free time was unencumbered, by them.

With the invent of the computer and the social networking there is no way to get away from them, short of parental supervision or denying the use of all technology. Many kids never let their parents know they are being bullied as it only adds to the shame the child already feels. A bully, is in most cases, readily recognizable by the bunch that they hang out with, even though a great deal of them also function on charm. For an adult to deny, they do not know who the bully is both at school and at home, is many times, ludicrous.

By the time our children reach highschool age, it does become naive of anyone to think that a parent does have the ability to supervise all movement of their teenagers, but on the other hand, it does not mean that teenagers should be left carte blanc without supervision either.

Since the majority of suicides are happening in the grade school or junior high levels of education we need to place special emphasis or study into these years of education. With most victimizations, there usually are a set of symptoms of behavior or withdrawal that precedes it, with both the victims and the bullies. Both parents and schools need to know and understand more clearly what they should be looking for. Teachers who are supervising the areas, need to be given the ability to deal with it when it happens. We need to get over the attitude that,”words cannot hurt us” because in many ways verbal abuse is much harder to recognize as well as deal with than physical abuse, since we can all see physical abuse happening whereas verbal abuse can be and is often times more subtle.

Then our communities must determine if bullies or in some cases,their parents, will be treated like all other assault or hate crime criminals are treated. We can not say we want something done about it and then scream about government or authorities infringing on our lives. In some cases it may include giving authorities both the right to enter our homes as well as to remove the computer from the same.

Unless adults are ready to act against bullies, then we remain where we have been for years and that is with adults being the bullies, that not only spread but also condone hate and everything continues getting worse, while our children continue committing suicide. If that sounds callous, then isn’t it time that we adults do something to change the reality of it, ourselves, by setting and showing example? Clearly this redneck attitude of,” just hit back”, has solved nothing over the years and we can no longer claim ignorance or innocence when bullies can and do kill, regardless of the way they use to bully or who condones the behavior.

Read Full Post »

Degree But No Work Experience

Add to the lack of work experience, your degree is only a highschool degree and you have been homeschooled, and it spells disaster, in some areas of the Nation, at a time that you are looking for work and competing against 40 year olds with plenty of work experience, who have been laid off, and new college graduates. Do not use that as an excuse to not look, however. Mom and Dad the easier you make the stay at your home the more you rob your own children of both ambition and ingenuity. Who will go to work if they find nothing but free and comfortable lodging with spending money? All of the above, are in trouble, if you do not use your own creativity,in the areas where jobs have not come back, when it comes to the job hunt.

Employers need to see why they should hire you over all the other potential employees they are looking at, currently. It is important that you are able to sell yourself as to why they need you as well as why you need them. Do not take your arrogance with you but now is not a time to be shy,either. If you do have experience or education beyond highschool, it does not always need to be in the field that companies are hiring, as many times Companies are only looking for leadership skills, while wanting to train or retrain you in their own work environment.

Of the three groups, unless you have had an erratic work record and have gone from one job to the next, never staying long enough to establish a clear-cut picture of your work skills, the 40 something is still most likely to get the call back. Employers do not want to see someone who has made it to adulthood totally dependent on mom and dad for their income and never having worked outside of the home. Add to that, home school ,and they have nothing that will indicate to them you even have social skills, much less work ethnic.

So what does it take to find a job in this kind of lost work environment? Dress professionally, lose the heavy make-up(light will suffice) and remove the ear rings if you are male and the nose ring if female. Conservative haircuts as well as hair color, are a necessity. Cover any and all tats, because employers are not looking for “cool.” If you are asked to come back for an interview, schedule it for the earliest possible part of the day, if they ask you to set the time for the interview. Many times when employers are in the position that they can choose from the cream of the crop that first interview(when all things are equal) will leave the most lasting impression. It also shows the potential employer that you are eager to get up and get going on the day.

So you have your college degree and have never worked as you stayed at home with mom and or dad and they paid your way. Was there something that you did in the family business or around the home that can beef up a resume? Do you have a hobby that shows talent or skill? What about volunteer jobs? Did you hold a position in the boy/girls scouts? Edit the school newspaper or year book? Hold elected offices at the college you attended? Are you willing to travel? The middle of the Country has not been hit as hard as the rest of the Nation. There have even been jobs that have gone wanting even with continued growth in States like North Dakota and Texas where they were not hit by an over built housing market. The same is true about over-seas jobs where english speaking people are needed.

Other States worthy of looking into, closer to home, are,South Dakota,Oklahoma,Iowa, Missouri,Kansas, Nebraska, and Wyoming. Although there maybe areas or cities in these States that have been hit hard there may be more remote areas needing help. Arizona if you are older. Arizona is filled with retirees and there are many times jobs for 40 to 50 year olds in these places as that is still considered young by the older population standards. The Nation is and has been short of nursing care for a number of years now. Handy men/women, even if you have been use to doing construction jobs, come at a premium almost everywhere, there are older people. It is not unusual handy men/women find that they can begin their own construction companies by beginning this way. Don’t always get caught up in looking at the larger towns or cities as often times the midsize to smaller size towns or cities have a difficult time filling job applications.

If you are drawing un-employment but not particularly interested in finding a job and even have turned down a job or two this does not weigh well with your future when the job market returns. You do need to get back to work. Any job, even if it is volunteer or temporary Christmas help, for now, is better than doing nothing when it comes to going back to work. The benefit of doing this, is, some times both volunteer as well as temporary jobs, can and do lead to full-time paying jobs, once we do make the connections and prove ourselves to be dedicated workers.

Do you have an older family member or friend of the family, that needs help and can pay you to help out? If your work record remains void, even during this time of difficulty, it will not bode well for you, when the job market does return. Most employers will take a good look at what you did by checking through your records and interviews or the lack of them, when they do start hiring again. It’s the character that we show during times of lay-off that can often times cost us or cinch the job for us,when the market returns. Sometimes, during times like this, we do need to both make and create a demand for ourself in the market, even when it means starting from scratch and last person out.

The good news is, that Bank of America is hiring 1000 new employees and there are signs that other companies, will both hire and keep on temporary help, after the Holidays. I have faith, even though it may take more time, that we will be back again, if we don’t elect incompetent as well as the same old mentality that put us in this mess, in the first place on Nov.2nd..

Read Full Post »

Clint McCance View Is Not New

Kids have been bullying other kids from the beginning of time where ever they group. It has always been the practice of a group of them or at least two against one, to pick on the more gentle boy or girl in the group. Girls in many ways are nastier than boys are, and have not been free of bullying over the years. 60 years ago older boys were taking down the pants of the younger boys and I’m sure it began before that, but I can only write on what I know, to be true. Thursday, when I was growing up, was known as queers’ day and no self-respecting girl would wear yellow on a Thursday because that was an indicator that we were gay if we did. Boys or men certainly never wore pink,yellow or any of the pastels as that meant they were real fairies. Then there was the other terminology that ran the gamut but it is not my intent to add to the fire, so I won’t repeat the terrible words, here.

As horrible as the statements of Clint McCance were, the unfortunate thing about it, is, I have heard the same conversation about gays going back sixty years ago, while living in the bible belt. Most of us that are honest about it, would tell you that there hasn’t been a family that hasn’t had at least a couple of bigots in it when it comes to the gay issue and some entire families believe that hell is for gay people. None of this excuses any of what is happening today. If I hadn’t seen how ingrained this hate is and didn’t know where the source of this hate was coming from, then I would have at least a flicker of hope that these bigots and bullies would be dealt with once and for all.

As much as people howl about the government being too big and in our lives, if we would wake up and realize that it is our own behavior that brings government into our lives, then perhaps, we the people, would do something about stopping the hate in America,and start taking responsibility ourselves, for what we expect government to handle. I get just as sick as you do, when I know I have a compassionate heart and understanding for the likenesses as well as the differences amongst us, only to find that our peace is being destroyed by the hate mongers amongst us.

We always turned to the Churches in the past, when it came to the social ills, and making changes or rectifying a wrong in our communities. Government cannot legislate morality. All government can do is make laws that protect us against such hate. Sadly the understanding and solutions that came from the Churches in the past can not be counted on when it comes to the issue of gay hate because that is where the hate is springing from.

Since this belief system is so ingrained in the churches of America, we the people, need to accept the only way we adults can stop this kind of hate and behavior is to start making and passing laws in our own communities that will lead to both fines and jail time against, the authorities in charge without infringing on anyone’s constitutional rights,if they do nothing to correct or stop the bullies.

We need to do it without asking government, if we are going to please the current grassroots organizations, for more funding or separate officials,offices or court rooms, if we want government to stay out of our lives. Sadly, someone is always looking for and finding loopholes in the laws that do get passed, and it often requires government supervision of the same. It’s highly doubtful that it is even rational thinking, when it does come to enforcement, without the government, not to mention much more expensive without it, if we do enforce it.

There would be no point of passing laws, unless it was enforced. Perhaps those opposing government think, we are all naive enough to think the Angels will sprinkle Angel dust on us all and we will become universally cured from our own lack of responsiblity.(I jest, of course) When we behave as Democracy dictates, then government does not need to pass new laws or establish itself in our lives. To count on children to take care of an adults responsiblity is only passing the buck.

First of all, all parents must stop the hate in our own homes because without us making the negative statements or encouraging our children through laughing about it, instead of stopping it, we are more guilty than our child. We must train the teachers in charge of the playground,restroom,and lunchroom how to handle it and make sure the supervision is done. We need to eliminate around the clock computer time to our children and supervise both the time they spend on the computer,Blackberrys and Droids, as well as the sites they visit. Cell phones can be purchased both without texting and e-mail and are much cheaper, to boot. It is quite easy to remove a computer from the bedroom and instead place it in an area where we can supervise. Much more than the bullies will be stopped by that simple parent duty, alone. Almost all kids problems are easily solved once adults behave as adults and take charge of their own home environments and then discipline. The truth is: Bullies, bully because they can.

Read Full Post »

Confusing Hurt With Hate

Confusing hurt with hate is fairly understandable if we have been victimized or hurt by others sufficiently enough to know and understand the difference. In order to grieve the loss of love,and in order to heal from it, we need to experience anger in the healing process. Anger is also a large part of hate. The difference between the two, in my opinion is, people who strike out at others, or cause the hurt, seldom get hurt themselves. Since their anger truly does come from unresolved emotions that lead to hate they rarely, if ever, recognize hurt.

When we are victimized by others or hurt by the people that we feel should love us the most, we react in one of two ways. We either flee and run or we stay and confront. People that flee and run as well as people who strike out in an unhealthy matter often with fists, rather than confront, often go into denial without dealing effectively with their emotional pain and bury the pain instead. Many believe that they rarely get hurt by going into denial, but they fail to accept that they do cause others to hurt. Many people go into denial to the point they have no memory, when they do hurt others, and often times will end up feeding on the hate that they carry. It is not unusual that they blame others for feeling hate as well, as few understand, they actually hate themselves for the way they reacted when they did strike out or ran.

Sometimes when two people are no longer speaking to each other or the relationship ends, it will not be unusual to have both people hurting but one claiming the other one hates since it is a common emotion of their own. Of course the person that hates assumes the person that they hurt, hates them as well, so they often accuse them of hating because they hate. The common term for it is transference. It becomes a vicious cycle but when the person that is hurt can forgive their victimizer, often times they find an amazing amount of healing while the person causing hate will continues to feed on it and becomes bitter against others, as well. Many people will carry a grudge for a lifetime over something that was then and still is now, very silly or petty.

When parents forgive the murderer of their child it is often times hard for some to understand, unless they know and understand, the power that forgiveness restores to us. Most of us that have been victimized by abuse or trauma have no problem at all in understanding it, whereas the people harboring hate often times feels that the person giving forgiveness is “out of their mind.” to put it simply.

This is a very simple explanation,according to my opinions and experiences in life, on a very complicated subject but typically the person that remains in reality, instead of hiding behind denial, will go on and get the necessary help to heal and find both peace of mind and forgiveness whereas the person that chooses to hold a grudge, in order to keep hate alive, will feed on it and spread it onto others. Like the KKK whole families will hate for generations without any real reason beyond brainwashing done early in life.

What is going on in America is hate. Clearly it has been misplaced and the unresolved anger in many of the protesters, are surfacing in other ways. It does appear to be a bunch of whiners and moaners that are blaming their own irresponsibility onto others,in many of the cases, and at other times it is a justified anger that was unfairly directed towards OBama before he was in office more than 6 months. We have a right to be upset with the political system but unless we take a good long look, at ourselves as well, we will only keep spreading hate and leave everything else unresolved or destroy Democracy in the process. Even those of us that do save and pay our bills have been getting along on a much decreased level of taxes and interest to the point that it is leading to an increase in the deficit but we do not hear much squawking on that nor do we hear much about the fact that either we failed to vote or we elected the people who damaged the fiscal needs of our Country through greed. We blame quite easily while we duck taking responsibility for our own role in it just as easily, in my opinion.

What would cause a man like Clint McCance of Pleasant Plains, Arkansas to hate gays so badly, that he said he was glad the 5 young children were dead, is anyone’s guess. I don’t try to psychoanalyze the mind of bigots because like hate many times it arises from ignorance and often times leads to what appears to most of us as irrational behavior. I would like to add that I have only common sense understanding of life and do not pretend to practice psychology nor do I claim to know everything either. The anger in both a person that hates and a bigot, according to my own experience appears to be, often times, misplaced because they have not confronted the real issue of their hate and anger that lies totally out of the realm of groups or members that they profess to hate.

For those of you who do not know the name of Clint McCance he has been a vice president on the school board of a small town village of approximately 260 people for a number of years. When asked to wear purple to commemorate the death of 5 recent suicides by children who were bullied and called gay his response on Facebook was repugnant to, I hope, the majority of Americans. I will not add more hurt to the flame but suffice it to say like most bullies, he is hiding behind his Dad. The thing that sickens me most,next to the death of these very innocent children, is once more, he is a person claiming to be a good Christian and justifying his right to hate and behave in this disgusting manner through The name of Christ.

I voted absentee this morning and I hope you vote as well. We need to inspire respect and compassion again and keep the goblins and spooks out of Washington. Instead I look forward and welcome them in costume as the happy children that all have the right to be, on Halloween night.

Read Full Post »

Why Is It………………..

Have you really listened to what the Tea Party is saying? They profess to be pro military as long as there is no draft and they or their families are not risking life by bringing back the draft. At the same time they want to do away with the Veterans Administration. They claim that they will only get back 13% of what they pay in for Social Security so why can’t they eliminate it and keep their own money to spend or save. It really has nothing to do with what is good for America but more about what they think is good for them. It is an irresponsible approach to shirking what has been the duty of generations since the 1940′s. The right wing amongst them want to lower minimum wage and take away the rights of women,minorities, and gay, by repealing both civil rights as well as the Equal Rights Amendment. How can they possibly be on the side of Americans while driven by bigotry and selfish endeavors?

We have people who filed for bankruptcy before they were 30, will pay more than a house is worth, if it has beige walls and stainless steel appliances and granite counter tops, are attending college at a lesser degree or quitting before they get their degree ,buy shoes before paying their bills, are eating out instead of cooking healthy meals, if they did go to college or buy a house, Mom and Dad paid for it or paid off their horrendous bad debt to improve their credit so they could buy a home,refuse to take minimum wage jobs, now telling us that they want privatization of Social Security so that they can make sure they do not pay out one nickel more than they need to, to take care of the same elderly people who spoiled them rotten.

If they would wake up and realize that they will pay out so much more than what they currently pay out if both the V.A. and Social Security were turned over to private citizens we would not even have to be dealing with this mentality that is poisoning the peace of mind that we are entitled to in America. The truth is that both taxes and interest rates are at an all time low since the 1950′s and that is part of the problem when it comes to paying off the deficit. Right now none of us are paying what we should be paying for because we all are paying for the irresponsible that felt that their bills did not need to be paid but the government’s did.

At the same time that they protest taking care of the elderly some of them spend more money on clothing,play, and travel than any generation before them, in some cases they are buying homes they cannot yet afford before they even get out of college and definitely before they pay off their student loans,some think that unemployment benefits over working is a right of passage even when they are offered jobs, if a builder does not build a home with large closets to house their expansive wardrobes or shoes and include granite counter tops and stainless steel this bunch of complainers will not give it a second look. It definitely is not a group of people who are going to walk in and find out that they themselves can save money by painting their own walls and by saving money to fix a home. Instead they take out home equity loans and complain that by taking out a 2nd mortgage their interests rates go up.

I do feel sorry for the responsible ones of the generation as well as all generations that do have to pay for the waste that some of this generation are imposing on all of us. It is an injustice to both have to pay for ourselves as well as all the irresponsible for 3 generations before them or after us. Those of us that saved and sacrificed for old age will be paying for it right along with you. I know that you get a bum rap in your generation just as we have always gotten in our generation. That is the main reason we do not join the irriresponsible by voting as irresponsibly as they do, because then we become one of them. Why is it, that those that are the most irresponsible amongst us, also many times, are the ones that complain the loudest?

When are we all going to start looking at ourselves as being as big of a problem as both corporate and government. Haven’t we that are responsible been paying out of the nose all along? The generation before us was given an option as to if they wanted to pay into social security or if they did not want to. Many said then that social security would not last until they retired so opted out of paying. Because so many felt that way it was made mandatory for our generation to pay into it even though everyone said there would be no funds left by the time we retired. That sadly, is true but only because the Republicans could not wait to get their hands on the surplus once they got control, and spent the surplus, withint the first two years they had control under the Bush Administration. Social Security had been working all those years prior to the greedy spending it. It had such a surplus that it would have paid benefits until 2072. Are you really planning to vote them back in?

Do we really want the greedy and irresponsible running our Country again? Tell them what we think of them at the election polls. Vote Nov. 2nd.

Read Full Post »

The High Risk Of Popularity

Life, as a general rule, is fairly simple, it is people who complicate it. For instance, most people are comfortable with being themselves as well as accepting others as themselves, until different people start picking them apart about their style of dress, way of thinking, their belief system, affiliations, where they live and what they do. How many of us recognize that as children we did genuinely enjoy someone but because we were pressured into thinking something was wrong with that person,we began finding fault with them as well? That then is just the beginning of the real danger of popularity. Combine with it, the fact that parents are all but bankrupting themselves in some cases, to make sure their children are or remain popular, and we end up with a society that has lost touch with their own priorities and the significance of the same.

If we were told, if we allowed our child to drink a poison, he or she would end up being confused, they would perform as a robot trying to please everyone but themselves, lose their own ability to know and understand who they were or what they represented, separate from what their friends thought,would achieve, only to please someone else, many of us would make sure that we would safeguard our child from the poison. However, this is exactly what we insist our children become, when we insist they be popular. Instead we should be making them aware of the fact that they will suffer more as a result of popularity rather than gain from it. Every child on earth wants to be popular but few know the price they pay for the same.

Many times they grow up lost and very shallow as a result of our having forced popularity on them or not educating them in the significance of being true to their own goals. It is fine for children to have the comfort of friends that support their own goals and needs but if they are simply following the lead they are already facing complications in their life.Often times they will fail at something for the first time in their life, when they are away from their parents or group, be the first to do drugs, turn towards risky behavior, and be unable to cope, if they do not understand clearly their own reasoning for saying no to such behaviour. We see many highschool valedictorians become tomorrow’s failure because they peaked early in life and cannot handle the stress of having discovered they are unable to make decisions on their own, think on their feet, or are totally lacking in street smarts.

In short they become lost very quickly when left to think,plan, and decide their own futures, if they have never had the chance to do so, on their own. Some will still go on and be high achievers but they also will sometimes be the person with the Dr.s degree, waiting tables, as they may be both socially as well as book smart but be very life and skill naive. In short they have no ideal of where they would best perform in life so go on and attend college because they are confused as to what it is they do want to do. Although college is extremely important to open doors for our future sometimes others will go on and on with college because it gives them more time to avoid dealing with themselves and their own reality. They have always relied on others, their book intelligence, sports skills, or friends to make decisions for them with or without their own imput.

‘If we learn to rely on ourself and do our own thinking and planning while still in the home with support from our families then we learn the significance of being independent from our group. It is really quite simple. We all know that some of our favorite moments are those times we have to spend alone with a good book and a bubble bath but instead of allowing our child the same, we are constantly on the go in an effort to make sure they do not miss out on being popular or what many foolishly think, prepared for success.

It should occur to us all, unless our child is given time to self reflect, think on their own two feet, work towards a goal that will please themselves,and not always us or others etc., we will not be preparing our children towards understanding and welcoming the idea that life decisions are their’s and their’s alone to determine and make. How can they possibly make them if they do not have a clue as to who they are?

Life is simple, we need to recognize how badly we are complicating it in our own lives and learn to let go and relax a little, or get off our duffs and become the leaders/examples we were meant to become. Our background does not make us the people we become but the way we view life exclusively, ourself, makes us become the person that we are. So often we expect so much more of others than we are willing to do or give ourselves. When we make today, along with all of our own tomorrows, count in ways that are important to each of us, our life will count for something as well.

Read Full Post »

To Travel Or Not, With A Dog

In the past, I wrote about our dog, that I got for the express purpose of travel. He almost died when we left him with our friendly Vet. We had been in the habit of boarding him at the vet clinic for the last 14 summers, when we went on vacation, as it gets too hot in the car. Since he had a nervous breakdown and developed colitis when we left in March, we have had to take him with us, when we leave home. Had we made it back a day or two later in March, he would not have been alive as he was really sick. He is an old dog and I don’t know if it was because he is use to traveling with us during the cold months, that he reacted as he did, or the stress of being apart from us is just too much for an old dog. At any rate, he recovered and is back to doing his usual tricks of running our lives and being devoted to us.

The traveling dog idea, changed fairly rapidly, when I found out the hard way unless it is a dive of a motel, dogs are not welcomed at a great many of the motels and never at the nicer hotels in the areas that we travel which entails most of the United States. He loves to travel and take trips so traveling with him is not a problem at all when we are in the car. Getting out and letting him do his thing is actually a relief to my husband, as it gives him a chance to stretch.

Sure we see dogs in all kinds of the nicer motels and even some hotels but they are usually being snuck in by their owners,is my guess. Federal law enforces allowing guide or help dogs into rooms, but little dogs being carried by what appears to be an abled body person, I wouldn’t think, would qualify under the law. We have never had a desire to go against the wishes of the owners of the motels, so do not even try to take a dog in that is not allowed in.

We are living in a day and age where apartment owners learned the hard way, that if they did not allow the family pet in, they would not be able to rent many of their places. It seems to me, if an apartment manager has learned this, then so should the motel owner also know that they lose money, but perhaps enough people do not pay attention to it and sneak in their dogs anyway.

Recently we decided to hit the antique shops of Des Moines, Iowa( If ever in the area don’t miss out on stopping at the Majestic Lion, it will be worth your time) and were turned away both in smaller Iowa towns as well as Des Moines by all motels average to not so average and finally had to stay at the Econo Lodge that was very welcoming of our dog. This is not just common to the State of Iowa but fairly common across the map. Even though it is not a place we have ever stayed before or would stay in the past, we will definitely keep them in mind, as long as our other member of our family is alive, as we travel. When dogs are allowed there is a deposit made in case of accident or damage to the carpet or room as well as no barking allowed, If we leave we need to take him with us.

It is totally selfish on my part, but the idea of never being able to stay at a luxury motel or suite or eat at a nice restaurant, is not all that appealing to me but none-the-less that is what is necessary if we want to leave home. Usually I stay at the room with the dog while my husband calls in and picks up a meal so we still do eat well but miss out on the socializing. I have found over the years, that there are no strangers at an antique auction,casino, or when we travel and I do miss having to give that all up for a dog with stress behavior so it is easier for me to question why nicer hotels and motels do not allow small house dogs in. I would even be willing to have a veterinarian certify him as house broken and free of fleas, if that would help.

I understand why, with the larger dogs, as some of them are hunting dogs that live outside as a general rule and are not usually housebroken and some even have fleas, that could be a real problem. I would think though that the government could make some money or motel owners as a whole if they would ask for something like a hunting dog liscense as versus house dog ,clean of fleas, from a Vet.

They could even leave out all puppies who sometimes chew and destroy but a dog that shares the bed with his folks are more clean, by far, than babies and children who miss the toilet,track in pizza and gum,spill pop and grape juice,spit up and use diapers as well as more quiet than teenagers or drunken adults, partying. I have never been kept up by a barking dog even while staying in a hunting lodge where everyone has a dog, but I have been kept awake or woken up by plenty of parties.

Anyway, if you have a dog, and wondered about traveling with him/her, this seems to me to be the largest problem that we encounter when we do. We always have plenty of water and food with us and offer it along the way. I really do wish motel and hotel owners would be more aware of this member of the family’s needs. In France and some places in California, they welcome dogs into restaurants.

Our dog is a toy cocker spaniel that gets a monthly hair cut dependent on the temperature of the year, and has never developed car sickness and is always over-joyed to go. The things that we all do for that one special, grateful,appreciative loyal member of our families, who always wags their tail in excitement, seems to have no boundaries in our lives, when it comes to gratitude and action on our part in reward of the same. Lets face it, he does not only run our home, he now determines our trips, Selfish Dog:)

Read Full Post »

Time To Move On…Healing

Some people appear to be caught in a cycle of pessimism and obsession that is clouding their own ability to think, in my opinion. Although it is not my attempt to sound insensitive, sometimes reality can sound that way when times are difficult.

Regardless of what our present situation is, until we accept the reality of it, we are stuck in a place that we can not move on. Many people who should vote are saying instead, “If the politicians have not figured out by now that the American people want results without debt, nothing we say or do can make a difference,” To not show up to vote, only worsens the pessimism when we do not believe in or act on” Democracy as it stands” and do not exercise our privilege to vote. “Once burnt, twice wiser” should be the battle call of us all.

For 5 generations now, my family just as many of yours’, have left behind friends, family and home and moved to the area of their ultimate success. Many of us got burnt on a home that we should never have bought, either because of our own spending habits, we lost a job,our health forced us into retirement, or because of the greed of both ourselves as well as business associates or elected officials. We readily listened to and accepted their terms, when we knew better. This happened and existed for generations before us, as well. Todays housing market problems may exist for other reasons but rarely can any of us plan on retiring from the same company we started out with today as we did in the past and receive the gold watch. That is the fact.

When our ancestors reached America, it did not immediately mean wealth nor escape from meager wages. It took a lot of sweat equity for them to build a place they called home. We are the off spring that learned many years ago that the need to move to where the jobs and freedom were, was going to mean losing homes, friends, and leaving behind family. Whether it was immigrating to America, the Fall of the stock market, the Great Depression, or the dirty thirties all our families have been effected by, greed,weather conditions, and a falling market.

Even with the current debt crises we are in, it still does not rank with the hardships many others are facing around the world. The people in America, that move ahead and accept that as fact, at this point, will be the people who gain from doing so. Some may have to travel back across the same Ocean that their ancestors traveled generations ago, in order to find employment in their field, and return a few years later to work. Many college graduates work in other fields from which they do not get their degrees, but education itself, will open the doors for them over those that do drop out.

If we vote for the candidates that want to return to the Bush-era politics, believe those that are paid to lie, complain, and hate the most, against their competition, or takes in the most special interests money to support their anti-campaign, we are sending the message that we accept that type of campaigning. We would rather blame them, than get off our duffs and make the personal changes in our politics as well as our own lives that need making.

If you feel you are doing everything already then ask yourself, what more can you do, to make this time of crises turn from negative to positive. Families have not felt entitlement to remain in the same area as they were born, now, for generations. What makes us feel so entitled to? Yes there was greed and plenty of fault to go around but that was then and now we must move ahead, having been the wiser for it.

Just as many of the breadbasket people who moved to the area found out in the dirty thirties, no occupation, including farming is forever. Many hooked up and loaded very little of what they had and headed to the areas that word had spread they were hiring. Sad was the days that they would arrive to find themselves too late for the few available jobs and more starvation but persevere, they did.

They used their ingenuity and skills and made another, better life, for themselves. They did not wait for government to make and find jobs for them while they yelled about government being too big and too far in debt. True, the Roosevelt decisions did turn around the economy through the government injection of both money and jobs but many others started over without government help.

How can we now possibly have it both ways, as long as most of us reject it or scream about the debt? Do you want jobs or do you want debt? unfortunately, before we can work on both, people and Corporations will need to start hiring and spending. Sometimes when people do start over they become amazed that they waited so long to get started. In all kinds of economies many of us enter the job market,” low man/woman” down, despite our level of education.

It is in how rapid we rise or get back up after we have fallen, that will prove our own ability. We can do the same, once we recognize the part of the Country or World, that is hiring and has not been effected nearly as hard as the area you are in has. American business. like all other Countries, in the World Trade Unions is now scattered worldwide as are the jobs. Vote Nov. 2nd.

Read Full Post »

Why Disability?

As we grow in a civilized society we learn more about the nature of mankind. It will always be debatable to me just how disabled people are, who are considered disabled, since when we lose the function of one part or more of our body we gain a clarity in other parts of our self. I write about it for the same reason that I write about abuse. We are starting to recognize that what in the past was seen as truth,incorrigible behavior or sin is in truth, myth.

To take the Bible literally, when some chapters in the Old Testament have been proven to come from mythology, that was written approximately 1000 years prior to the old testament, in most of our minds is ludicrous. For instance, the original writing in the Old Testament show that Adam and Eve together made the decision to eat from the tree of knowledge and it was most likely a pomegranate tree over an apple tree.

There is no mention what-so-ever about Satan or a snake in the original writings of the Bible. Both Satan in the form of the snake and Eve tempting Adam were added much later by men. Therefore the sin of woman and mankind’s belief through religion, that she is a temptress and to be feared and controlled by the man, stems from what man wrote years later instead of what was actually written by inspired men of the Bible.

We have irrefutable proof that gays are born gay at birth, but still cling to the Bible as to reasons they are not entitled to equal rights. The story of Adam and Eve, that is still generally accepted by many regardless of the our current knowledge, also spells out why men should fear women and take control over them before they destroy mankind. We seem to pass over the facts as well, that one in four children, are being born with attention deficit disorder and or autism even though we realize that more than likely Science is just now starting to catch up with behavior in the past that was seen as incorrigible or sin.

These children were accused of disrespecting their parents or elders, therefore not minding them, and made to feel like they were sinners and punished harshly as a result of the same. Never, until recently, did the thought cross the brains of others that these children were incapable of understanding. In many ways abuse and disability still go hand in hand in our society.True, there are also reasons, to believe that even with the knowledge of these differences and disorders, the diagnosis are on the increase due possibly to environmental concerns that the right-wing will tell us is nothing but lies.

One in every three homes have abuse going on in them and 1/3 of all the abuse is coming from women rather than men. Even when Doctors saw signs of abuse in children it took them years to accept that Fathers could abuse their own child much less Mothers, even though both had been doing so for generations. As we learn more about ourselves we have less reason to feel lost as sheep, and more need to find hope and help through medicine.

We are currently living in an era of paranoia where some believe that if we think for ourselves, we are misdirected or off basis, when it comes to fact but if we quote someone else, who in truth is using inaccuracies, then we have basis for fact. The television ads written by special interests groups, to many, becomes grounds for fact even when we tell them,they are lies. Although many efforts fall short as a result of these errors in thinking, it is never the person who is in error who is at fault, but the person telling them they are mistaken who is lying or guilty of blasphemy. They keep slaying the messenger in favor of believing the liars.

What many are viewing as the signs of the end of the earth, as revealed in Revelations in the Bible and the Jesse Ventura type thinking is stirring up, is fear. Nothing is more powerful than fear when it comes from the mouths of those on the pulpit as well as people we hold in reverence.

It explains the success of the Tea Party and other grassroots organizations that are using it to make people feel more pessimistic than they need to be. 911 has given these Americans entitlement to hate ALL people of the Muslim Faith as well as everyone else different from themselves. How sad are we if we find it necessary to use tragedy as an excuse to hate. It makes a mockery of both the memory as well as the bravery of the people who lost their lives in the tragedy.

Remember how optimistic the whole world felt just a short week ago when the miners were rescued? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to quiet these hatemongers and pessimists and get back to being the United States of America?

How for instance can the majority of Americans believe that the Republicans caused the mess we are in but it will be the Republicans that fix it when their Pledge to America is absolutely nothing more than the same that led us to the mess we are in? When was the last pledge made by the Republicans ever kept? The only conclusion that I can draw is, some people have become so enmeshed in believing what they hear quoted by the fear and hate mongers that they believe them over their own ability to use common sense. When fear controls reason then reason goes out the window.

How else can we explain what is going on when the truth is, as man learns more about him/herself, the more hope we have of fixing what for years have been seen as the social ills of Society. With knowledge of ourself we can defeat diseases, prejudices,inequalities and find treatment for those that truly have been victims of the bigoted society of the past. Instead of embracing fear, as the fear and hate mongers would wish we do, we currently can have real hope, for the first time in the history of mankind, that we can all find grounds to be concern for all of us and together we can find the answers to both treat and cure the mess we are in. “A Country divided will not long endure.” Take back your own individual reasoning and vote for Honor again on November 2nd.

Read Full Post »

Accepting Disability

Congratulations! By now you and your loved ones as well as the medical profession, are all on the same page. I would not interfere with or suggest that I know how or why you reached this mile stone in your life, but I understand as you must have, that we each have our own path to take when reaching this point.

If you have followed my posts, then you understand as I do, that I cannot write about the disabled through mental illness, severely brain-damaged, catatonic, or severely paralyzed as, I, just like you, have never experienced this type of disability. Just as there are stages in cancer or heart disease there are also stages in disability. Sometimes, especially with injury, it is a very slow progression, if it progresses at all, and with others, that include disease, it can be fairly rapid. I do believe it is safe to say though that regardless of the disability, unless we have reached the mental state of acceptance, none of us do totally understand how we will react or respond a year from now.

I hope that by talking about my own experience then, I can help you discover,as I have, that the mind needs to be in the place of acceptance in order for the body to respond accordingly. When I reached the point that I understood any further testing would simply update medical records and bring no further relief or change of treatment to me and that.” it was what it was,” then I understood,I was left with nothing further than accepting what I could do and what would be very painful to do.

I began my introduction to the idea that things would never be normal in my life, as I had planned it, when my body was sending out all kinds of warning signals that seemed to be untreatable but at the same time was raising my blood pressure. Along with the disabling disease that caused a great deal of pain, I was reacting to the treatment. Our children were still quite young as I was only 28 years of age, and initially I could not distinguish between symptoms of what ailed me, versus symptoms of drug reactions. It is extremely difficult to do, especially when the diagnosis is inaccurate or someone has deemed themselves God in our lives, and decided to withhold the truth from us, by playing down our symptoms when we ourselves already are experiencing debilitating pain.

I went through all the emotional upset and trauma that we all go through as I had always had the attitude that it would be easier for me to die than to be disabled. I, like everyone else, had heard of,” all the miracles of modern medicine” so it came as a shock to me that medicine could not cure everything much less not be able to treat everything. Just like you, I asked the question, “why me” until I was able to answer it with “why not me?” All kinds of mistakes were made by me and those around me, and I definitely suffered dark periods in my life. Whenever they attempted to treat one area of my body then it would throw off another system of my body. This is quite common in treating the central nervous system.

Many times I had to complain for several years before I was taken seriously about my complaint once the Dr.s did get the diagnosis correct. There was a real sense of, “we can’t do anything about her complaint so lets find something wrong elsewhere and get her to concentrate on that.” I would advise everyone prior to having surgery of any type to ask if it is elective or mandatory for the condition in which you need relief. It took me much too long to see past this ploy, I’m afraid.

In short it was a helluva place for me to be as I tried to protect my loved ones from it and never spent a day in bed outside of when I was hospitalized. I went ahead and took care of my own responsibilities along with most everyone elses, other than my immediate family who understood as they lived with me, until I reached the point that to push myself any harder was very destructive to both myself as well as my longevity.

Still today I will go ahead and do something that causes a great deal of pain like refinish a piece of furnish just in order for me to understand that if I had effective pain treatment I would not be physically disabled. Effective pain treatment at this point would definitely put me into an almost catatonic state due to the increase of the necessary amount of drugs it would take to allow me to operate pain-free and under normal ability. Sadly, I am allergic to the standard form of treatment for my particular disease.

At the very least, abusing or increasing substantially, the only drugs available to my treatment themselves, would lead to mental confusion,anxiety and depression, if not cause early death, so I gladly live with the pain treatment that dulls pain if I do little to nothing. I can still determine to what length of time and rest I can take and still feel well enough to enjoy my life. I plan on staying in charge of my brain since I do have less and less to say about my physical abilities and must use the necessary aids available to me.

With all diseases, there are good days and bad days. My best days will always be the days that I can accomplish doing some of what I want to do. Many times because I have developed interests in oil painting,collecting,reading,genealogy,research and writing I can have a terrific day doing very little according to Society’s point of view, and still be relatively pain-free, as well. I can do most hobbies upwards of an hour a day. Most of us will learn that we have never really done what it is that we truly love doing, prior to our injury. At this point it is all about keeping my mind healthy to both concentrate, learn, and to becomes less dependent on the pain treatment.

I understand that on days that I want to do something I will pay the price in pain but I prefer doing it, to being waited on by a caregiver and being bed or chair bound permanently, due to the fact that my mind has been lessened as a result of pain treatment. Since pain is no longer relieved by rest my tolerance to pain has built naturally over the years. There is a real danger with Doctors either under-treating or over-treating with pain medication so make sure, you yourself, knows the difference.

Long story short, it is my hope that all of you can and do reach the point that you have cried your last tear, yelled out of anger and frustration, for the last time, and found genuine peace in the things that you can do. I hope you find real joy of waking up each day knowing that you and only you are still in charge of the areas in your life that matter the most.

I hope you never question or listen to what people who have never experienced your level of disability have to say on the subject.(unless they are medically or spiritually trained to offer relief or peace of mind or are kind enough to act as your caregiver and to listen to you) I hope you have found a Dr. that will be honest with you and help when you do ask for help. I hope you know to celebrate and rejoice in what you can do and no longer grieve what you can not do.

I hope you have learned the value of this moment,hour, day and see the beauty in each day. I hope if you require a caregiver and still have responsibilities that you do not ask others to do what you can still do ,yourself. I hope you have a good imagination that allows you to figure out a different way of doing the same thing that you use to do and have learned patience in doing so.

I hope you get a genuine”kick” or “hoot” out of life and count your Blessings for being a part of the human race, regardless of what the ignorant or ill-informed seem to think or believe to the contrary. I hope you despise sympathy and understand and empathize with others who have less than you do. But most importantly of all, I hope you do know your own strengths as well as your own limitations, and have a support system that applauds you for knowing the difference. If that includes no one more than yourself and a good book and you still know the joy of waking up each day, then you have made it, my friend. I do know it is all possible with the right attitude, just as you have already learned, yourself. Congratulations! I’m proud of you!

Read Full Post »