I think it is safe to say,the thing that we are all guilty of is, that we take both our feelings as well as the feelings of others too much for granted on a fairly common basis. If we remember that people living under the same roof will always have different ideas, thoughts, and opinions on the same issue and learn to respect those views we honor the feelings of others. It is not always easy to do when we are passionate about our own beliefs. Rare is the person that stands for what they believe in, that hasn’t forgotten and over-stepped those boundaries.
Most people in any kind of relationship, with common sense, will understand that there are areas that mean more to one person than they do to themselves and have the good sense to agree to disagree if they want harmony in their home or life. It is only when we barrage other people with our belief that we set up ourselves and our own feelings for attack.
For instance when we show up at the door to press our religious beliefs on others, it is going to be meant many times with repudiation that we bring on ourselves. Americans, as a rule, hold the right to Religious Freedom near and dear to their heart, and do not appreciate the assumption people make to preach their brand of religion to them. This includes both strangers as well as family members.
As a married couple, if we are paying any or too much attention to anyone outside of our marriage and abuse is not present, to what they think we should think, then I would seriously advise all of you to lower the level of priority that you give them in your life. Marriages only have two people in them and if you are bringing another in to protect your own beliefs or feelings on a topic then your feelings are either out of balance or you have lost respect for the right of your spouse to have their own feelings or opinion. In doing so, you, not them, throw away the respect of your marriage.
Before we married,41 years ago, my husband and I had opposite points of view on the right to bear arms and both our political as well as our spiritual affiliations or views and to have them remain intact to where we have been able to live together still out of respect, love, appreciation, and gratitude, for 41 years,amazes even me. As we have grown and matured we have altered our own views within the network of our own belief but most importantly we have found a common thread that runs through our own basic belief system that allows room to honor the feelings of each of us while paying respect to those differences.
Since one of us is as stubborn as the other, that is no small feat. We laugh, each time we go to the polls or mail in our ballots, as we show up to cancel each other’s vote more times than not. I know the right to bear arms is near and dear to him so I keep my opinions on it to myself just as he does on things that he knows are important to me.
It is only when we allow other people to come between us to stir up those differences do we have our feelings hurt. We can discuss our differences rationally until someone else enters the picture to create problems between us on the subject. We all have that type of person in our lives and it has amazed me over the years the number of people who do allow that third person to enter their marriage and destroy it.
There is always something to be said about that person who always sides with or against us with our spouse that will make our spouse’s different point of view from our’s seem so much more hurtful when they have someone siding with them. Especially when they join together in laughter against our own view. Some men are phenomenal about the idea that people argue because they love each other and many times totally seem to space out the fact that they hurt their spouse’s feelings in doing so.
Some women, that do not have men that will stand up for themselves, often assume too many times, that their husbands who are not disagreeing with them are in agreement with them in a marriage. That is a common mistake we all make with people, but a woman or a wife, does not want to hear that their husband is not happy when they get together around other people. It is a total lack of respect, men, to your wife when they have to learn that you are not happy when the two of you get together with others. You would be surprised how many times that simple act alone will start the degradation of your marriage down hill.
I think if all couples would remember those two things and discuss them with each other, they would find their marriages would and could remain stronger. Since nothing is ever gender specific you may have a reverse problem in your marriage but it goes without saying that it is equally painful when it accumulates over the years. People that fail to respect themselves or their boundaries will also fail to do so with their spouse’s. Our children, regardless of how young or how old they are, ultimately pay the highest price when we allow a third person to be our backbone for us.