If the title reminds you of someone who you either are or know I would caution you to tune into the needs of either yourself or the person you are leaning on. There is only so far anyone can stretch themselves before it starts taking a toll on their or your own happiness, health and well-being.
It is a wonderful place to be in when we are young and full of energy because giving of ourself to others is rewarding, however, I would caution all of you that it also can and does lead to burn-out. We see it often in nursing staffs and teachers that start out wanting to give all they have, only to end up frazzled and burnt out. They go from the cheerful and uplifting ,many times to the grumpy and indifferent.
Family and friends also turn to people who are willing to give of themselves to only end up saying,”what happened to her? She use to be so easy-going and carefree and now she seems like she doesn’t even care.” If any of this sounds familiar to you then do something for the person you are thinking of or speaking of, not tomorrow but today. The truth is you are quickly using this generous person’s time and patience up. You would be surprised at how far respect, appreciation, and gratitude goes. A simple thank you for always being there will go much further than a shared glass of wine.
If you value her at all, you will take time to acknowledge her. Do not think that your one-act of kindness justifies her many, many, efforts and time spent on you. If you take her out to eat and it includes yourself, it will not be seen as an act of kindness done for her. It needs to be something that she has done for you that gets returned to her, without including yourself.
If it is a neighbor or a man then the same applies. People all are born busy, regardless of how you justify it to yourself. Not only do these people have as much to do as you do, many of them have much more than you do, as they are not just busy and concerned about you and your problems, they are doing the same with many others and that you can be certain of, always.
If instead you are of the attitude or thinking, “If she does not want to do it, she is a big girl, she can say no.” or “No one is putting a gun to her head and forcing her to do it” or “I can’t mistreat her without her permission”,rest assured, you are a selfish ass, to put it bluntly. Perhaps it would be kinder to say thoughtless or uncaring? What you may be thinking and saying, may be true, but she hasn’t yet seen through you. It is just a matter of time that she does, and you will lose possibly the only person in your life, that loved and accepted you for nothing more than you being yourself.
These are rare friends to find and the most worthy of keeping. Take a moment to ask yourself, “if you have or had such a person in your life?” We all did or do, and no I am not talking about our mothers, as mother’s love is or should always be, unconditional. I am not discounting all the mothers that do their commitment well or telling anyone to take them for granted, I simply am not including them in this post. Making people happy is a gift that many other people have as well, when we don’t have the same gift, and we are all Blessed when we are wise enough to know we had or have one of these angels in our life. If you’re half as smart as you think you are, you will correct it before it does go from have to had. Have a good day all!
