We Americans Are Better Than That

The thing that I hate the worse about the Tea Party, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, and Rush Limbaughs of our Country is that they all make the rest of us look as though we are a Nation of hate mongers, whiners,groaners, quitters and spoiled brats when we are anything but that. Americans have never been that. We are and always have been, a Nation of proud people, invention and hard workers who join together in a time of crises to help each other. We are the people who dismiss people who tell us that it can’t be done and instead show them that yes it can be done.

What exactly was the point of gathering at the Lincoln Memorial to bring Honor back to our Country by a group of people who have done nothing but destroy the honor of the American Spirit? How can people who have never shown anything but hate towards the President of our Proud Nation along with their fellow-man bring back honor when they themselves have never owned honor? They are the problem and certainly not the solution to what is causing the division of our Country. At no time have we been more cognizant of the sacrifice and bravery that our young people have shown when they arrived home or went off to war. As a Nation we have been committed to not repeat the mistakes of Viet Nam when it comes to our military families.

Yes, it is a time of struggle that takes great effort and concern to gather our strength to come back with hope for a better and promising future, but we as a Nation are not sitting around smothering ourselves in hatred towards the man in office that did not create the problem. No protests ever lasts longer, than those that are paid to throw up a smoke screen to the real truth,or the ones created by the special interests. It does not make one bit of difference to them what OBama does do or accomplishes they simply are looking for and finding fault in it. In years past when the economy tanked and another Administration came in we were allowed to hope for a better tomorrow while we geared up and got started on it.

Less than two hundred years ago we took a wide open plains with mountains that others felt impassable with the great desert to contend with and turned our Nation into one of transportation and agriculture that still surpasses every other Nation in the World. We went into an Industrial Revolution followed by technology that was, at one time,second to none. No one has ever been able to match the diversity and the man hours of labor to the American worker.

We are a Nation that was built on diversity and have shown the rest of the world how it can be and is the greatest Democracy ever to find its own strength through its share of hardship. We are not losers, quitters, or complainers we are the Nation of Invention and just as agriculture,transportation, industry and technology changed our economical future and our landscape we are now geared for and can do the same with renewable energy if we can get the naysayers, special interests, and greed out of our way and get it done.

Instead the right-wing politics and their message of hate has done nothing more than shift the blame away from the American Spirit that pulls together in time of need and reaches out to help each other regardless of race, creed, and color. As bad as Katrina was or 911 was, there was not a large city, medium size town, or small village that did not reach down in their pocket and help their fellow-man in time of need and crises. Just as an aside: Can any of us even imagine what would have happened to our Nation if this group of hate mongers had been organized and it happened on OBama’s watch instead of the Republican watch? We rose to the same honor when it came to Haiti, so I know our American Spirit is not dead. This is who we are. We are not a people who passes unfair blame and fault off as a smoke screen to blame someone else that did not create the problem.

My message to the right is: If you don’t understand anything else then understand you are the last people that we want to take back our Country. You are the very people who are responsible for tearing us and our tenacity apart. Why in the world would any feeling, caring, thinking American want any of you in charge of America? You are the very spirit of what the problem is in America and certainly not the solution.

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Church Owned Properties–Are The Clergy Business Men?

Trying to track down the ownership of properties owned by the Churches of America becomes impossible since they have trust companies as well as individual people sitting on their boards that keep everything hidden. The Churches of America have been given free tax exemptions and without being able to track them through the tax payments, it becomes difficult to ascertain just what all they do own in the Corporate or business sector. It is correct to know though, that the American Churches are amongst the largest if not the largest holders of property, in the world.

We know for instance that Beneficial life and Financial Group as well as Farm Management are owned by the Mormon Church and only a drop in the bucket along side of what they do own. We know of 200,000 acres of land owned by them and that as of 2005 they owned the largest ranch in Florida and their Deseret Book Company is booming across the West region of our Country along with their 35 owned radio stations and their one television network, but still this is nothing alongside of the many other holdings they own.

Trying to track anything owned by the Catholic, Lutheran, Baptists, Methodists,Church of Christ,Presbyterian, etc. as the list goes on, becomes next to impossible to know, as part of their tax exemption also includes the fact that they do not have to divulge ownership of their properties. They all hide their properties behind their own trusts that each sets up. If we accept that all Churches own their own insurance companies,securities, hospitals, schools, churches,cemeteries,farms, ranches,colleges, and the land they all sit on, which clearly we do know, as they have their names on all the same, we know then that we only scratch the surface in what they really do own. This small drip of knowledge alone, leads to massive wealth, amongst the Churches of America.

For those of you who would question, what the special interests of the Tea Party and the Right wing are, then one only needs to look towards the protectionism of the Church properties. Do not mistake them as being concern or protective towards religion and the practice of the same as clearly they are not. The reason so much hate towards OBama came out with the Tea Party and started as quickly as it did was because he did begin his Presidency with health care. If any of you think that healthcare will not costs the Churches of America then you are really into denial or lying deliberately to yourselves.

It was no accident that both the Republicans and Democrats could agree on Insurance Companies being able to trade across State lines as this benefits the Churches as much as it does the large insurance Companies. Christ owned neither Church or land but chose to go to the people. Perhaps the reason religion has fallen away from Christ’s message is because with property ownership and Capitalism, greed also follows.

We as a Nation must be ever vigilant in paying attention to who or whom we do give the power to in America. We all should realize that we do not ever want to become another Middle East where religion rules politics. We should not misplace religion and the practice of it from fraud and out-and-out greed that comes along with property as well as business assets, regardless of which holding Company owns it. We must realize that religion, throughout history, has been behind the reason for war as well as fraud and be both vigilant of the truth as we worship. There is never anyone so dangerous as the person or group, who thinks they are right, because they have God on their side.

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The Stem Cell Dispute

I do not understand why the media seems to avoid discussing the source of the embryos that are being requested for research purposes, but to date, I have never heard it discussed when they do report the latest on its progress.

I understand a need to get the law right and perhaps that is all that is currently going on at this point and time, I doubt any of us really know, that are not directly involved. I just think if the media would be clearer about discussing the source of the embryos, our common sense, as far as the public being aware, would be clearer as well as our knowledge on the progress of it. Not to mention the public feeling more accepting of it.

Couples or unmarried individuals that can not get pregnant the old fashion way many times will have the fertilized egg or embryos frozen and for many reasons decide not to use them. They may have as many as 50 or 60 harvested and it only requires 10 to have their baby or family. They may be going to have chemo and want their eggs removed for a later time when they have recovered or they may break up and no longer want to have a baby together. The reasons that they choose to discontinue the service is as many and varied as there are people.

Today they have the option to either continue keeping the embryos frozen or to have them destroyed. For many the decision is to have them destroyed so thousands if not millions get destroyed on a yearly basis with or without the current law being debated. Apparently no one has decided to interfere with the people’s right to destroy them but only to gift them to research. Many couples and persons, themselves, would choose to give them to research rather than to have them outwardly destroyed knowing the value they could have in the potential cure of disease and injury but that has not been an option, in the past.

There are presently 200 research programs, with 50 more waiting for approval, hanging on the decision made by the judge currently trying to stop the progress of the research. It was voted against by the Republican majority for 8 years due to the pressure of the Churches on it during the Bush Administration and one of the first things signed into law by the OBama Administration.

For the moment it does not stop the program but certainly everyone is nervous that it will come to an abrupt stop. Although without the research currently being done no one can be certain, it looks very hopeful as a long-lasting cure for many diseases and accidents from Parkinsons to spinal cord injuries. The longer it gets stalled in the Court system the longer it will be before anyone does have any real answers.

It makes, and never has made any sense to me, that it is o.k. for couples to have the embryos destroyed but it is not o.k. to have them signed over for research purposes where they may end up helping millions of people who have never had help or hope, in the history of medicine, for a cure that will give them both an extended life and a less challenging life. This area of health has had extremely little to no hope even for effective treatment much less cure.

All Doctors trained to find medical miracles have had at their core of training, the use of a human cadaver at some point in their medical career since the beginning of the study of medicine. If we can find dignity in the use of the human body for training in our medical fields then shouldn’t an egg be able to be treated with the same dignity or morality? No surgeon will ever practice his skills without first training them on the use of a human body that has been left to Science to train their lifesaving techniques.

For those that would use the reasoning of morality, it falls short in my estimation, when human bodies as well as human and animal parts are being used to train our medical Doctors as well as transplanted into other humans and have been both acceptable as well as moral ways of treating people to prolong life going back to the beginning of medicine. How can stem cell use for research be immoral when it is used to bring both hope and comfort for a longer and more comfortable life to the suffering? Medicine risk human life daily in an effort to improve or save life and it is considered both moral and humane if the alternative means even more certain maiming or death.

If conception in a petri dish between unmarried couples, donating our bodies to science, our organs for transplant, our bodies kept alive on machines or poisoned as in cancer treatments, or animal and mechanical parts for replacement to the human body for the sake of producing or prolonging life have been recognized as moral then this too should be recognized as moral. Since when has maintaining compassion and empathy for the human race when it does not mean the risk of human life not become moral?

No one is even thinking, much less speaking of developing new embryos for research purposes. I hope as a compassionate America, the law is only being firmed up but with the intolerance for people who suffer, that is currently happening in today’s environment, it smells a great deal more, like politics of the right-wing and therefore special interests, as usual.

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Honoring Our Feelings With Balance

I think it is safe to say,the thing that we are all guilty of is, that we take both our feelings as well as the feelings of others too much for granted on a fairly common basis. If we remember that people living under the same roof will always have different ideas, thoughts, and opinions on the same issue and learn to respect those views we honor the feelings of others. It is not always easy to do when we are passionate about our own beliefs. Rare is the person that stands for what they believe in, that hasn’t forgotten and over-stepped those boundaries.

Most people in any kind of relationship, with common sense, will understand that there are areas that mean more to one person than they do to themselves and have the good sense to agree to disagree if they want harmony in their home or life. It is only when we barrage other people with our belief that we set up ourselves and our own feelings for attack.

For instance when we show up at the door to press our religious beliefs on others, it is going to be meant many times with repudiation that we bring on ourselves. Americans, as a rule, hold the right to Religious Freedom near and dear to their heart, and do not appreciate the assumption people make to preach their brand of religion to them. This includes both strangers as well as family members.

As a married couple, if we are paying any or too much attention to anyone outside of our marriage and abuse is not present, to what they think we should think, then I would seriously advise all of you to lower the level of priority that you give them in your life. Marriages only have two people in them and if you are bringing another in to protect your own beliefs or feelings on a topic then your feelings are either out of balance or you have lost respect for the right of your spouse to have their own feelings or opinion. In doing so, you, not them, throw away the respect of your marriage.

Before we married,41 years ago, my husband and I had opposite points of view on the right to bear arms and both our political as well as our spiritual affiliations or views and to have them remain intact to where we have been able to live together still out of respect, love, appreciation, and gratitude, for 41 years,amazes even me. As we have grown and matured we have altered our own views within the network of our own belief but most importantly we have found a common thread that runs through our own basic belief system that allows room to honor the feelings of each of us while paying respect to those differences.

Since one of us is as stubborn as the other, that is no small feat. We laugh, each time we go to the polls or mail in our ballots, as we show up to cancel each other’s vote more times than not. I know the right to bear arms is near and dear to him so I keep my opinions on it to myself just as he does on things that he knows are important to me.

It is only when we allow other people to come between us to stir up those differences do we have our feelings hurt. We can discuss our differences rationally until someone else enters the picture to create problems between us on the subject. We all have that type of person in our lives and it has amazed me over the years the number of people who do allow that third person to enter their marriage and destroy it.

There is always something to be said about that person who always sides with or against us with our spouse that will make our spouse’s different point of view from our’s seem so much more hurtful when they have someone siding with them. Especially when they join together in laughter against our own view. Some men are phenomenal about the idea that people argue because they love each other and many times totally seem to space out the fact that they hurt their spouse’s feelings in doing so.

Some women, that do not have men that will stand up for themselves, often assume too many times, that their husbands who are not disagreeing with them are in agreement with them in a marriage. That is a common mistake we all make with people, but a woman or a wife, does not want to hear that their husband is not happy when they get together around other people. It is a total lack of respect, men, to your wife when they have to learn that you are not happy when the two of you get together with others. You would be surprised how many times that simple act alone will start the degradation of your marriage down hill.

I think if all couples would remember those two things and discuss them with each other, they would find their marriages would and could remain stronger. Since nothing is ever gender specific you may have a reverse problem in your marriage but it goes without saying that it is equally painful when it accumulates over the years. People that fail to respect themselves or their boundaries will also fail to do so with their spouse’s. Our children, regardless of how young or how old they are, ultimately pay the highest price when we allow a third person to be our backbone for us.

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Love At First Sight–Is it Real?

I have my doubts about it but I know many do believe that the minute he or she walks in the room they will lock eyes and fall madly in love. The experts have said over the years that when we marry we marry the person that is most like ourselves and others say we all marry our mothers. Some believe that marriages are pre-ordained in heaven and others believe in Kismet. Many people talk about the chemistry being right. It has been Scientifically documented that couples do have a percentage of scents that do attract us to each other.

I personally think that people will drag their heels when it comes to marriage and at the point that they do feel like they are ready to marry, a person will walk into the room, and they confuse the person with the idea that they are in love with being in love and that is what leads to love at first sight. To repeat then, when we are ready to marry we sometimes confuse the idea of marriage with the person who appeals to us and that is what often times leads to the idea that it was love at first sight.

When marriage is used as a reason to escape a situation we are presently living, in our youth, then it is likely to fail. It is a marriage based on convenience and many times it is only for the convenience of one of the couple. When both share the need to escape then it may last awhile longer but marriages that are based on needs and fail the expectation are very hard to maintain. Many times people romanticize the idea of marriage to the point when someone does cross their path that is pleasant to their eye they are ready to announce their intent to marry the same person. Older couples sometimes will marry out of convenience and those marriages do seem to last as companionship is a very important reason for many when they age.

People are more set in their ways when they get older but at the same time, they are more comfortable with who they are and more accepting of their own blemishes as well as the other person’s less than perfect projectory. Relationships based on mutual need for intelligent conversation, combined incomes, and for health reasons will work later in life when the stresses of child rearing and making an income are behind people. To me that is what explains the reason we all know people who marry and divorce numerous times only to eventually settle down with a person who they share the rest of their life with, finally content in their search.

Since this is strictly my opinion and based on nothing more than that I understand that the romantics will reject it. Many will go on looking for that magic moment only to be disappointed when it does not happen and only end up feeling as though life cheated them. Others will have the moment and marry only to feel disappointed when the person they choose cannot keep the moment going. At that time, they many times, then announce that they no longer love each other, and move on to others to find someone else to replay this magic moment while still confusing it for love.

It has been my experience, however, that people who do claim to find love at first sight many times are hopeless romantics and because of that they are looking for the person that will fit their perfect picture of their idea person, and when they do, they profess love for the same. Many of them read way too many romance novels in junior high or watched one too many soap operas. I have never been really impressed by the statement, “we never argue” because too often when they do it seems to end with a doozy.

I know I did not truly know the definitions or essence of real love until many years after I had experienced it with the sacrifice that my husband and I were willing to do and make for each other. Being a parent can often lead to immediate love but even then we have 9 months to prepare for and to bond with the idea of a child coming. All babies are beautiful to their parents even when realistically the rest of the people are thinking it is a real stretch to call a new-born baby beautiful.

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and sometimes also in the heart of the beholder so we see love when we choose to look for and find it in some cases and in other cases love will enter our life when we are more realistic and more ready to accept love when we quit looking for a dream that no one can live up to.

I base my findings strictly on my opinions and experience as that is where most people derive their thinking. Good luck in whatever it is that you believe in. It will be much easier if at first you take the time to love yourself, in my estimation. People that cannot love themselves are going to have a difficult time in finding someone else to do it for them on a permanent bases. Also remember it is very rare when people do love themselves they find it necessary to brag about it.

Many times the more we brag about it the more insecure we are and the more we are trying to convince ourselves of our love. In short action outweighs all conversation. It is when we truly love, we will show our love, by the way we treat others. People in love will sacrifice for the well being of each other as well as for their own present and future dreams. When we only take from life is when we will never learn to love.

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Staying Up For An Old Dog

No I am not talking about my husband, although over the 41 years of our marriage, I have waited up many a night for him to get home from sports activities, meetings, golfing, bowling, hunting, or boy’s night out. I am talking literally here. I am talking about our dog. As people and their pets age they need to get up more often to visit the privy or to go outdoors. It’s a kidney thing that happens to all of us as we get older.

I am somewhat and always have been, a night owl, anyway. If I had not developed a problem earlier in life, with getting comfortable due to an injury problem, I probably would not wait up at night to let my good and loyal pal out to relieve himself. I would do like others and put him on new papers for the night. I do not want to relay the idea that I am totally out of my mind or some kind of a saint that would relinquish their sleep on a nightly basis to spare their husband sleep or to let an old dog out to whiz. Even though I do wait up to do just that. It is not unusual to find myself up, occasionally yet, at 4:00 in the morning waiting for the dog to come out.

I wrote about him previously, and of his having a nervous breakdown when we left him at the vets while my husband and I took a trip out to see our daughter. He was a birthday gift to my husband and he has proven to be quite loyal to both of us. He spreads himself around quite nicely making sure he does not over use one of us over the other. Quite unusual for a dog, as most are a one person pet, and protective towards one member of the family as versus both. He is my duty, during the day and my husband’s job at night. He makes certain he hangs with us in our spots according to the terms he has made for himself.

When our daughters graduated College and both were close to heading out to seek their fortune I bought the dog for my husband for a birthday gift. He had the responsibility of having to put down another family dog and had sworn off all dogs for life. Needless to say he was not too enthused when my youngest daughter and I went and got him a new puppy for his birthday.

That lasted for 72 hours and the dog won him over. He is a toy cocker spaniel which is a cross between the Japanese Chin and the cocker spaniel and was a reject of his family as he could not get papered due to an underbite so when he smiles, he really does smile, he looks like he is ferocious and about to bite.

I wanted a dog that I could spoil and did not have to discipline as I hated that part of parenting and set out to spoil the new member of our family rotten. The dog ended up proving to me the need to discipline as just like children need guidelines and discipline so do pets. I realized I would do a much greater disservice to him if I did not discipline him and make him fit to visit our children’s homes as well as motel rooms.

He almost died on us with colitis this past winter as his grieving for us became so great when we boarded him, so I am delighted to announce that he is back to walking his three miles with my husband, unless it is too hot, and doing just fine as far as jumping on any piece of furniture he cares to sleep on. As of May he was 15 human years of age so if I miss out on a little sleep to let him out at night I figure it is no less than what he would do for me if he had the ability. Although many peope will not tell you this, many of us us that will admit it, will tell you once we get past a certain age, we nod off in our chairs enough to make up for the sleep lost anyway. He is one of those dogs that if you are lucky enough to find one in a life time, then you are lucky enough.

I can’t say enough to all of you, who are responsible and kind-hearted enough and have never had a pet, but are feeling as though your life is missing something, the amount of joy or pleasure a pet will give you in your life. If you find you have love to give, are appreciative of your own life and want to share your life with someone that is both loyal and safe to share your time with then consider getting a pet. Millions of them need people like you.They are a terrific cure for empty nest syndrome. Make sure before you do visit your local animal rescue center though that you are willing to give up both your time and have the means to care for them if they get sick and have medical expenses.

Animal rescue does not have time or the resouces to educate you on the care of a pet so be sure you know if you are ready to add another member to your family. If you can love without reserve you can care for a pet. As loyal as a dog is they are also as helpless as a child so they will need the commitment for their entire lifetime, from you. Our cities are filled with feral dogs running wild because people brought dogs home and were not willing to give them the care they deserved. Don’t add to the problem if all you want is a companion that you are not willing to give back to through sacrifice when needed. On the other hand if you are ready to add to your life more power to you!

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It’s The Choices We Make

Whether we are the type of person that always sees the good in people or sees the bad in people first, there will be chameleons amongst us that none of us are able to see through. My previous posts are about character flaws common in people who many of us discount when it comes to looking for a life time mate. We become so numb to the idea that they are character flaws, due to the commonality of them, and instead dwell entirely on what society considers major ones. We often make a huge mistake when we do. Anyone that has been married for any length of time can tell all of us that it rarely is the large things in life that breaks up a relationship so much as it is, the small or petty actions or behavior of people.

People unable to place anyone else before themselves simply do not make good partners anymore than people who become comfortable with lying do. Sometimes we make terrible decisions when we are young and other times we grow up and learn from the mistakes of our youth. The chameleons that get past most of us are not even aware themselves, some times, in what their character flaws are. They genuinely do believe that they too have character even though they have never been tested on it. Other times they know full well that they are pulling a con and are deliberately involved in doing so.

The important thing for all of us to remember is that choosing a lifetime mate is not the same as choosing a friend. Friendships can be and often are, testing grounds for how well we can handle long-term relationships but there still is no comparison between that and marriage. Also maintaining long time relationships is not always healthy for any of us to do. Friends will come and go as well as mature and age at different rates of time and we can commonly end up without having a thing in common or find the endeavors of our youth were much too self-serving, as a result of it.

Whereas a mate needs to have enough strength of character to grow with us. Unless we grow together in character and maturity often times we will find ourselves in a relationship where we are adding to each others’ stress instead of helping each other through it. A relationship based on love and trust that lasts with both the respect and appreciation for each other intact, does take on more depth of character than one that we are planning to run away from if and when it gets too tough to handle.

If you are the type that takes responsiblity on your own shoulders , you will blame yourself many times when the relationship ends even when it is an injustice to do so. On the other hand a great more of all relationships that do not last are blamed on the other person. An example of this, is the person who knows and understands, at least sub-consciously, they do not make a good partner so they will deliberately pick out one drunk after the other so when the relationship fails they can blame the alcohol rather than themselves.

They know they will never stay in a relationship or that they are a terrible nag who more than likely will not change or they have some other annoying flaw so they set themselves up to fail. Others are so convinced they are perfect and everyone else is wrong that no one will ever achieve making them understand their own blame in the relationship. Blaming others is as addictive as the alcohol itself is, to others.

The truth, in any relationship, is that it takes two to make a relationship to work and two to ruin a relationship. The role you play may be much greater or less so, but sadly that makes little to no significance, when it comes to the fact that the relationship is over. Learn from it and do not repeat it. Ask yourself what it was you did wrong even if it was nothing more that your instincts warning you, and you chose to ignore it. At some point something or someone tells us all that we could be making a mistake and we choose to ignore that advice and move ahead anyway. It is easy to do so, especially when we are the type of person that questions or doubts every decision in life we make, anyway.

I both admire and respect the person who does get help and makes it a priority to get well after a heart breaking situation in their life. Too many will turn to alcohol, drugs,curse God and others, or protect themselves for life against ever allowing themselves to get hurt by trusting to love again.

When we do that, we miss out on so much joy in life as well as many times we blame the other person 20 years later for that missing part in our life. If we all would realize it is about the choices we make, ourselves, that lead to both joy and misery, we would try harder to make better choices in the future,and to make our own healing, a priority in our life.

After a trauma in their lives many people will set new goals, after a decent time of grieving, that do set them free from the heartache. They are healthy enough to understand that passing around blame is a waste of time and usually hurts both themselves as well as their loved ones. It delays everyone’s ability to grieve when we make blame a priority over choice. Life is never over “until the fat lady sings.” so go out and make some good choices and have fun doing so, as the fat lady is waiting!

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Fickle Friends–Beware of these People

We all have or had people in our life over the years who are incapable of friendship, not because we do not enjoy them, but because there is no real depth to their character. They handle friendships in the same way they handle what they are going to wear or what they are going to eat. In other words, what strikes their fancy for the moment or the day. The following then are people who it would be wise to avoid or at very least treat as acquaintances because they will never be dependable enough to earn the distinction of friend.

1. They have call waiting and when you call they use it as an excuse to hang up on you instead of telling the other person that calls, they will call them back. (if it is an important call and our’s is not then circumstances do change. However, if they never offer to call us back but hang up each time then we kinda have our answer as to how low we rank in their lives)
2. You only hear from them when they are complaining about being bored or about someone else. People that especially belittle or demean others will do the same to us.
3. We only hear from them when they want or need something. That can become fairly consistent or erratic.
4. We meet for lunch and they are always short of tip money, or they offer to pick up the tip if we get the meal.
5. They brag about being a bitch as though it should be a badge of honor and use P.M.S. as an excuse to treat others like crap and find humor in it.
6. When they call they talk for an hour but when we call someone is always at the door or they have to go. If they can’t schedule their life around their needs then we are interfering with their plans.
7. They tell us they do not want to talk about that and go back to a subject that has been discussed and rehashed to the point that we are driven to absolute distraction by the entire subject, and they do not seem to notice.
8. They call to argue or to tell us that they read something that proves us wrong.
9. Talking about hell and damnation or our salvation becomes a common thread in their conversations.
10. Most of their conversations are about what is wrong with their spouses or their children. If a person has little to no loyalty for their spouse or children they will be lacking in loyalty toward us as well.
11. They are chronic liars and we catch them in one lie after another, but they accuse everyone else of lying.
12. We hear excuses about how they had to work when we had plans and others tell us that they are hanging out at the local gossip corner or coffee shop.
13. They always wait and call when they are drunk or have been drinking.
14. They form all or nothing relationships. When the relationship begins they are constantly in our lives until they move onto someone else and then we hear less and less from them. They have a history of doing this to everyone they hangout with.
15. they cut us short when we are speaking, to always talk about themselves. Every sentence begins and ends with I or Me.

I learned a long time ago, that the very best friend in life, is not one that makes us feel, indifferent, hateful towards others,puts us in the position to explain ourselves, applies pressure to accept their point of view, or think less of ourselves, but instead one who wants us to choose what is in our own best interest, while they support it 100%. We have people who come close to doing that in our lives but if we expect to have it 100% of the time then we will need to become our own best friend.

Reality is, just like we have our own best interests at heart, so does everyone else have their own best interests at heart. Many times the two interfere with each other and other times they can compliment each other. If there is little to no tolerance for those changes in our life to apply to us in the relationship, but always on the terms the other person establishes, then they are an acquaintance and should not be classified or mistaken with the honor of friendship.

Respect, appreciation, gratitude,trust and love are always the cornerstones of all good relationships but especially all good friendships. The more we confuse the differences between acquaintances and friendship the less pleasant the relationships will become and the more pain we will feel, if we ourselves, fail to understand or know the difference between the two.

(Please note: Many of us will place others before ourselves, but rare is the person who does not place their interests before another’s. If you doubt that then go to a convention where you have an option between what interests you as versus what bores you, get caught in a disaster situation, or have your child compete against your best friend’s child for the same position, and you will understand more clearly, the difference.)

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“She Was The Person, We Could All Lean On”

If the title reminds you of someone who you either are or know I would caution you to tune into the needs of either yourself or the person you are leaning on. There is only so far anyone can stretch themselves before it starts taking a toll on their or your own happiness, health and well-being.

It is a wonderful place to be in when we are young and full of energy because giving of ourself to others is rewarding, however, I would caution all of you that it also can and does lead to burn-out. We see it often in nursing staffs and teachers that start out wanting to give all they have, only to end up frazzled and burnt out. They go from the cheerful and uplifting ,many times to the grumpy and indifferent.

Family and friends also turn to people who are willing to give of themselves to only end up saying,”what happened to her? She use to be so easy-going and carefree and now she seems like she doesn’t even care.” If any of this sounds familiar to you then do something for the person you are thinking of or speaking of, not tomorrow but today. The truth is you are quickly using this generous person’s time and patience up. You would be surprised at how far respect, appreciation, and gratitude goes. A simple thank you for always being there will go much further than a shared glass of wine.

If you value her at all, you will take time to acknowledge her. Do not think that your one-act of kindness justifies her many, many, efforts and time spent on you. If you take her out to eat and it includes yourself, it will not be seen as an act of kindness done for her. It needs to be something that she has done for you that gets returned to her, without including yourself.

If it is a neighbor or a man then the same applies. People all are born busy, regardless of how you justify it to yourself. Not only do these people have as much to do as you do, many of them have much more than you do, as they are not just busy and concerned about you and your problems, they are doing the same with many others and that you can be certain of, always.

If instead you are of the attitude or thinking, “If she does not want to do it, she is a big girl, she can say no.” or “No one is putting a gun to her head and forcing her to do it” or “I can’t mistreat her without her permission”,rest assured, you are a selfish ass, to put it bluntly. Perhaps it would be kinder to say thoughtless or uncaring? What you may be thinking and saying, may be true, but she hasn’t yet seen through you. It is just a matter of time that she does, and you will lose possibly the only person in your life, that loved and accepted you for nothing more than you being yourself.

These are rare friends to find and the most worthy of keeping. Take a moment to ask yourself, “if you have or had such a person in your life?” We all did or do, and no I am not talking about our mothers, as mother’s love is or should always be, unconditional. I am not discounting all the mothers that do their commitment well or telling anyone to take them for granted, I simply am not including them in this post. Making people happy is a gift that many other people have as well, when we don’t have the same gift, and we are all Blessed when we are wise enough to know we had or have one of these angels in our life. If you’re half as smart as you think you are, you will correct it before it does go from have to had. Have a good day all!

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Dr. Laura And Her Confusion

Dr. Laura does not have her facts straight. After watching her groan and moan about having her Freedom of Speech denied her last night on the Larry King show, it would seem that someone needs to clarify the terms that she bantered about. In order for a person to have their freedom of speech denied them, a government official or Agency must move in and shut down the radio or television program or have a person’s protest or point of view censored or stopped. That did not happen.

In America, a person still has a right to agree with or to disagree with anyone that they wish. When private citizens choose to disagree with each other we all, including Dr. Laura, are practicing our freedom of speech. We live in a day and age where no one seems to understand that opposing points of view are not signs of hate but just what they are. They are opposing points of view. If we use derogatory terms in expressing those points of view or stoop to name calling, and we make our living off of the listening or watching public, then we can bet that someone will be offended and call us on it. The person using those terms is spewing hate, not the people calling her on it

That is exactly what happened with Dr. Laura and she can rant and rave all she wants but the truth is she stepped over the line of common courtesy and decency and in doing so she was called on it. Her Freedom of speech was not in any way threatened. If she is going to use the “N” word or call gays “errors of nature” or “deviant”as she has, she along with anyone else who uses the public airways and talks on a talk show had better be prepared to acknowledge, that they not the government, are bringing controversy on themselves.

People that are going to make a living on their point of view, must certainly know even when Dr. does not preceed their name, in a civilized nation they still have a responsibility to their listening public. Dr. Laura is not HBO as she tried to use in her defense, but she is supposedly using the moniker of Dr. and as such should know appropriate conversation, when representing the profession, does not include ideals or use of words that are both bigotry and demeaning to both gender and race.

The fact that she gave notice in order to have more freedom to spout those points of view on the inter-net is her option to do so, just as it is our option to choose not to listen to what we feel is offensive. We all have a right to feel that we are all winners with Dr. Laura making the choice that she did.

Neither do we the listener need be offended any longer but Dr. Laura can continue being ignorant of the fact that she and not the special interests, cut her own career short. When we cause the problem and blame gets passed away from ourselves, do we have any reason to feel victimized? I think not, as obviously, my common sense tells me that Dr. Laura will go on blaming special interest for the fact that she opened her mouth and offended others regardless of how many times she says she is sorry. Perhaps she needs to look up “sincerity” while she checks out “Freedom of Speech”.

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