In cases of imagined or real persecution these relationships exist usually between a mother and her children. In 30 % of the cases they can also exist usually between a father and sons, for instance, if the father dreamt of being a Doctor or a sports star and failed to make it he will insist on his sons being a Doctor or a sports star or pay the consequences. Usually though men are more likely to form symbiotic relationships with their jobs.
Women that marry alcoholic or abusive men or suffer from persecution identity, can in some circumstances, form symbiotic relationships to varying degrees with their children. It is usually stronger in same-sex relationships. For instance when a symbiotic relationship is began with a mother’s children and a mother is being beaten she will promise her children protection against their father in exchange for their love exclusively.
If the mother suffers from both delusions of grandeur and persecution,or psychosis, and had great dreams for herself that were cut short because she got pregnant and had to marry,lacked the talent and ability, or simply could not afford her dream, she will try to gain her dream through usually her same-sex children or child if this disorder is present.
Sons are usually pressured just the same to take over the role of their fathers. She will promise her child or children protection against their father and do everything to provide them with their needs to achieve her goals in exchange for their love. It is understood that her children will excel and if not then she will abandon them. Next to living their mother’s dream their most important job on earth is to protect her and never do anything that will embarrass the family.
These relationships are not to be confused with normal relationships where all parents want their children to do their best and to be happy. In these relationships parents are protective in varying degrees by nature and never refuse this protection. Children are supported according to their own wants and healthy desires to choose according to their own maturity. The children grow up never questioning their parent’s love for them. Their parents are both disciplined and dependable.
The symbiotic relationships are formed before a child turns two in most cases. Mothers use their children as their confidants and usually the father as the enemy that ruined her dreams and she will protect her children against their own father so that he does not ruin the children’s dreams as well. In truth this is her second chance to live or relive her dream through her children rather than to allow the children their own dreams.The relationship between the spouses has broken down and the son (many times the eldest son) replaces his dad in the family whether the couple are married or divorced.
If a mother wanted to be a Beethoven, a redound dancer, or a beauty queen it will become the role of the daughter or daughters to achieve what she was never able to achieve. She will stop at nothing to make sure that happens as long as the daughters co-operates and do as they are told. It definitely is understood that the children will be the best and if not she will with hold her love or abandon them.
The mother will do what ever it takes and pay for any lessons it takes to make sure the children knows, that if she the mother, had not done everything that she did the children would never have been able to make it on their own. Even when the goal for them is her’s and her’s alone. On the other hand, any child that refuses to do as she or he are told or shares their love with another, are quickly sabotaged by the favored children that are agreeing with their mother. She also will with hold her love and ignore the child that refuses to co-operate in her dream. It becomes a very sick, sick family and as the children start rebelling the mother with holds her love from the ones that do not co-operate while she concentrates on the one or two that remain 100% loyal to her.
Because she does everything to make certain her children or child excel they become totally dependent and clinging on her and vulnerable to everything, every emotion or thought she has. Her goals become their goals and her dreams become their dreams. Their personalities, appearances, mannerisms, and thoughts all become enmeshed with her’s. The mother’s enemies are their enemies even when it is their father or sibling. The mother’s belief is their belief, and so-on-and-so-forth. They get straight A’s if that is important to her but it is not always a requirement,they are popular always,they are everything the mother wanted but could not achieve for herself.
She will go into a deep depression and spend days in her room,rages, and do anything to make the children vulnerable to pleasing her if they refuse to do as she tells them to do. Since the children are not living their dream but instead hers’ it becomes impossible for them to make any decisions on their own without checking with her first. If she has allowed them to or has hand-picked their spouses this will often lead to divorce. In short if she says “Jump they will jump”,literally.
These relationships are passed on from one generation to the next so are repeated from one generation to the next. The cycle only gets broken, as a rule, when something of a traumatic nature comes along in the life of the child that changes the path the next generation will take. Daughters or sons must be the best friend to their mothers. Always their mother is their best friend even when they do marry. The child or children will also lie when appropriate to make sure they keep their mother looking good and to protect her against all negative matters of life. The children or child that did not co-operate will be disowned and not included in family gatherings. All members that she deems that were loyal to her will remain a part of the family structure.
If young men and women do decide to rebell in the teenage years when it is normal with maturity to do so, it quite often makes their lives even more unbearable. Often times young girls will seek out that abusive man who her father was or seek out a man even worse since a good man sometimes is turned into evil by their mother’s imagination. She will get pregnant as a teenager just so that she can have some one in her life that loves her for being just herself. She has real resentment and can become very self-destructive for being turned into a mini-me. Young men will not marry in many cases until the mother dies and they are almost certain to be unmotivated. If a young male rebells he often times can become equally self-destructive and move miles away and even out of the country to get away from the control of his mother. If he does not rebel and the mother wants grandchildren then she may approve of a wife but the son will always turn to his mother rather than his wife when it comes to decision-making. These relationships are formed in all walks of lives and have nothing to do with class distinction, religion, or politics.
If we as a society could recognize the people who do suffer from mental illness and figure out some way to treat them more effectively than what we have done in the past then there would be far fewer people on drugs, in prison, or being hurt by dysfunctional families.
Until we do these families will all consider themselves normal because after all, they are only repeating what Mom did and she was a SAINT! Sadly then what is the sincere truth to the delusional or those in denial sometimes can be so far off base from reality that we feel as though we are being deliberately lied to when they think only they are telling the truth and it is we that are lieing.
I ask again–”Are Americans all insane”? Or have we just assigned our brains over to the ridiculous along with our common sense to the point we are no longer capable of thinking for ourselves? The lack of dedication, resources and commitment to the medical profession, granted to solving the problems, that go along with mental illness is a true tragedy in America. We need to find the compassion to help families that suffer from these diseases through research and science much in the same way we do for heart and cancer patients.
We Americans are better than what some families and the media are projecting us to be when it comes to both compassion and intelligence. We need to take back our brains and dust them off before they become like other muscles we do not use. We either need to use them or lose them.