Beware of People bearing gifts!

To be certain, this type of person is not the kind of person that I have written about previously. These people simply give the appearance of being generous, but in truth are grand manipulators.

To most they are very easy to detect. They buy gifts, give a place to stay,pick up the tab and always have strings attached to those acts of kindness. They may not only be offering gifts to you but will also offer to help the family or gift them as well.

It is not unusual for this kind of person to have finances as well as their own life in shambles. Many times their real enjoyment in life is shopping/spending and gaining control over the person/family that they are being generous to.

Almost without exception they will make you feel obligated to them to the point that before the relationship ends you are doing everything from painting their walls, loaning/giving them money and just stopping short of carrying out their garbage for them. It is not uncommon to find that this person will be stroking your ego in an attempt to convince you that they are helpless when it comes to their own responsibilities in life. They can never do what you do!

Almost always, they attempt to isolate you from the people that genuinely do care about you, because their motives are very easy to detect by other people around you. It often happens that they make up stories or exaggerate what someone did or did not say about you. They are grand manipulators that recognize almost immediately, if you can or cannot be controlled by others.

How many times have you heard yourself or someone else say, “Nancy just takes up too much of my time or I should ask Nancy not to come so often or Nancy is just getting on my last nerve, or Nancy is wearing me out asking me for favors but I just don’t have the heart to say anything to her as she is just so good to me?”

I have had such a person in my life as well. I did tell her on three different attempts to, “please do not send me gifts.” Of course she had her allies as well, that were ready to attack me when I did make the request to stop. People like this do not only manipulate you but have others in, “their bag of tricks” that they can turn lose on you if you do try to stop the manipulation, once you do recognize it for what it is.

Just remember that we all have times in our lives that we are vulnerable and people of this nature watch for that so at some time we probably are all exposed to this type of person. They may even be in our own families.

The good news about this type of person, if you are not the kind that can confront your own issues, is that eventually they tire and move on once they find that we no longer respond to their needs in the manner that they wish us too.

If you can’t say “NO” then don’t answer the phone or be at home during her not your’s convenient hours to visit. Even if it means you look up an old friend or family member that did warn you because they did care, to hide out with. Eventually they all tire and move on to different people to manipulate. I recognize not all people are comfortable with standing up for themselves, sadly.

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Simply my thoughts

It has long been my belief that we see ourselves in the people we choose to let into our lives. Because of that, we are often disappointed when they fail to respond in the manner that we perceive that they should.

If we have good morales and they are agreeing with us or at least not disagreeing then we naturally assume that they too value character. On the other hand, they just may be keeping their mouth shut for fear that they do expose their own lack of a value system. There is a reason that our “Daddies” have always warned us, “to be careful of the quiet ones.”

Since the advent of time, there have always been people that are honest, empathetic and genuinely concern about the well being of others. If you are like myself, and are one of them then you can recognize that you appear to be taken advantage of a great deal of the time.

Unfortunately, there are also people who see you/us as a,”turkey” just ripe for the picking, whether they admit it to themselves or not. Perhaps, I am naive in saying that I don’t think that there are that many deliberate con men out there, that deliberately set out to take advantage of us. Many naturally feel as though they are entitled to our kindness as if we are going to be giving so much of our time, money and attention to others then they would have to be a “fool” not to take advantage of it. Also if they are family then we are suppose to be our brother’sisters keeper.

With maturity, I have been able to use the gift of compassion given me and turn in inward to both myself and the people that truly do care about me. You know the ones that wish us well in times of trouble and genuinely celebrate ALL the good news in our lives, as well. No, it does not make me popular with old friends and family that not only expected my generousity but counted on it.

That first step of acknowledging just who are the “toxic members” in your life between both family and friends is the crucial step. After that, it becomes quite clear as to who is causing pain and hurt in your life. Once we make ourselves our own priorirty, and given enough time, we all feel the absolute joy of having been let out of the prison, that we put ourselves into.

That’s right–that we put ourselves into—-they will never see the hurt and pain that they caused us because our true act of kindness was genuine while they expect it so they will never see the sacrifice we did make. We will definitely feel the JOY of walking away from these low character relationships.

I have also learn to do all donations requiring money of any kind annonymously. That both fulfills my need to share my abundance as well as gives me the empowerment to say an universal, “NO” to all who do ask and do feel entitled. The greatest reward of work, life, and breathing air in general is to be BLESSED with a generous spirit and to be able to lay one’s head on the pillow at night knowing that you/I gave better than we ever took in life.

If you are at that cross roads of life that all the stress in your life is as a result of others’ people stress then I highly recommend that now is the time to do something about it. Please do not wait until you reach the point of poor physical health as I did before taking acknowledgement of your own involvement with why your life is so stressful. I wish you GOOD LUCK!

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